IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction

being able to correctly use less common lexical items is part of scoring higher in your criterion lexical resource so the unnecessary words that make one sentence unnecessarily long because your language in speaking is not exactly the same language in it right [Music] hi guys after one month on youtube now we have more than 2 000 subscribers more than 20 000 views and more than 100 000 minutes watched so we asked our reviewers what is it that they want us to do on youtube and someone suggested sir why don't you correct a writing task so that people would know what the common mistakes are and that's exactly what we're going to do now so sir philip and i will evaluate this output that was submitted by our review we're going to check for grammar vocab and so on so that our audience would know how we do with the 9.09er way okay so ielts writing task 2 essay writing sir philip would you do the honor for reading the task description the task description reads many countries have now banned smoking in public places some people feel that government should ban smoking entirely to what extent do you agree or disagree with a statement okay that is a very common type of question in ielts writing tasks to agree or disagree so we'll begin with the introduction i agree that many countries should ban smoking in public places but i disagree that government should ban smoking entirely in this essay i will discuss the reasons why okay so surface first before i share with you my insights the first thing that comes to mind is that you do not announce what it is that you're going to do in this essay i will discuss the reasons why it's you it a direct statement is much better how about you so a common mistake in writing past two people agree or disagree with both statements when in fact the first statement is always a statement of fact it's an admitted matter so you're not supposed to agree or disagree with many countries have now banned smoking in public places because that's the truth so what is it that you're supposed to agree or disagree with the statement that is closer to the question which is some people feel the government should ban smoking entirely which means it's totally unnecessary to say that you agree that many countries should ban smoking in public places now that is one uh error another error that i've noticed the words in the introduction are exactly the same words in the past description and that is a big no-no in ielts you will be penalized if you just copy the words so the words in the task description must not be exactly the same as the words in the introduction okay now another uh error here for the introduction it's not i will discuss with the eddy why because will is always followed by a simple form of the word so it's i will discuss but as sir philip mentioned earlier you do not necessarily say in this essay i will discuss god that is a big no-no in ielts writing okay so let's move on to the body okay the first two sentences perhaps sir philip firstly cigarette smoking is bad for the health i believed in the saying prevention is better than cure okay there are quite a lot of errors that we have to tackle surface first as much as possible you're not supposed to be using these trite um prevention is better than cure it's much better for you to rephrase this because it's your language that has to be at the forefront of your essay and not somebody else's language so what is the tip there know the quotes know the sayings so instead of writing prevention is better than cure think of your own how you can possibly express that same idea without copying the famous quote and saying okay any more comments for the first two sentences before we move on i believed isn't past tense yeah so are you are you suggesting that you no longer believe this so the tense consistency is something that is critical in any kind of writing whether writing task one or writing task two because if you are time traveling throughout your essay pass and then present and present and passed then not only will your reader be confused but you tend to be confused as well okay so there are 35 ielts examiners in the philippines and i've met more than 20 of them when i attended their writing workshops what is it that they notice it's very common for people to use i believe i agree i disagree nothing's wrong with these words it's just that they're overused they're so common so the challenge is for ielts candidates to think of other words apart from i believe i agree i disagree okay now what about firstly when i attended a writing workshop of one examiner she encouraged candidates to just use first second third you don't have to put the lys okay so no to firstly secondly thirdly it's acceptable or prefer to write first second third one more comment the word bad the word bad is apparently an english word but what is the problem with the word bad according to ielts examiners it's as if you're a grade one pew pill to use words like good bad big small happy sad ielts examiners need you to think of words that are more specific so say for instance if the examiner asks you in speaking so how are you you're not supposed to say i'm good what good you're not in grade one so in your ass how are you oh you have no idea but i'm having the time of my life right now that's better than i'm good or say for instance if you're asked and speaking how are you you're not supposed to say i feel bad why bad if you can do better than that what are you supposed to say how are you actually i'm at the lowest point of my life right now as i was diagnosed to be clinically depressed recently so ielts examiners need you to think of language that's not parallel with the language of kindergarten pupils okay so let's now move on to the next few sentences of this wrong paragraph now uh this it's very costly to go to the hospital with regard to expenses okay maybe it's better to address the errors for this sentence before we move on to the next one what about nowadays nowadays is one word you don't chop it up into three um it's there is it is i think what is meant here is it is very costly a very common mistake between the possessive for of the pronoun the processing pronoun and the contraction it is okay and then with regard a very common mistake a lot of people say is actually supposed to be with regard this is correct because a lot of people use with regards okay so no two with regards but it's correct if you say or write with regard without the letter s okay and another funny thing is it's very costly with regard to expenses yes obviously it's about the expenses if you're talking about costs so it's repetitive in that sense yes okay now let's move on to the next sentence when a patient is sick he or she must spend lots of money for him or her to get well so it is important for his or her health that smoking should be banned okay what's sir philip's comment for this sentence ridiculous he she him her is her what is the solution to avoid this just use the male pronouns in english he or him his it's already good for both genders of course political correctness is more is more uh popular these days however this is extremely awkward if you're gonna do this the entire essay so just picky one suggestion of ielts examiner is why don't you write everything in the plural form so compare when a patient is sick he or she must spend lots of money for him or her to get well so it is important for his or her why don't you write it this way when patients are sick they must spend lots of money for them to get well so it is important for them or for their health blah blah blah so always write in the plural form to abort to avoid the ridiculous he she him her his her and then should be ban it should have been banned okay now let's continue like for example when i was sick period i am very sad period okay what's your comment for those two sentences like for example is redundant pick one yeah you don't put them together so you may write like you may write for example but please don't write like for example and then when i was sick period i am very sad this is you're not supposed to separate them as well and it's supposed to be in the same paragraph in the same sentence i'm sorry in addition this is another instance of time traveling so when i was sick so you're talking about the past event and then i am very sad now you transported yourself to the present so tense consistency is important if you want to score high for grammatical range and accuracy that's one of the four criteria avoid short choppy sentences so don't write when i was sick i am very sad i mean you're not an elementary to write four words in one sentence you can do better than that yes okay so the last sentence for this paragraph or no not the last sentence here two more sentences i spent a big amount of money that is why i do not want to go to the hospital anymore okay what's uh what's your comment here big amount of money as was mentioned earlier uh being able to correctly use less common lexical items is part of being a is part of scoring higher in your criterion lexical resource so what would you say is a better word instead of big well the point is the word big is an english word but it's not encouraged by ielts examiner so i spent a blank amount of money perhaps huge significance considerable but not the word big and then any more that's considered one word okay now let's start how many sentences are in this paragraph one two three four five six seven eight and that's a big no-no because ielts examiners need you to limit one paragraph to a maximum of four sentences well this paragraph is not long it's just that it's filled with short choppy sentences that's why the grand total is eight sentences for this one two three four huh four one two three four five six seven eight i stand corrected because of the sheer number of sentences even i had a mistake you cannot write eight sentences in one paragraph short and choppy is not the way to go yes yes so let's move on to the next paragraph okay so here we go sir philip in my own personal opinion the government can ban smoking in public places but the government have no right to ban smoking entirely okay in my own personal opinion wow how opinionated can you get i know so instead of writing in my own personal opinion what could be the alternative in my opinion yeah that's it you're not supposed my own personal that's redundant and then the government can ban smoking in public places but the government have government singular okay have plural so this is a typical subject verb error that filipinos and well ielts examines in gen in general commit as a mistake subject verb agreement and then have no right to ban smoking entirely how many times do you notice that the word government and smoking was used it's in the same sentence it's repetitive you should have another way of saying it for example pronouns yeah or you can say the authorities and then the word entirely appeared several times already so ielts examiners will only allow you to repeat words if and only if you've exhausted all the possible alternatives but if the word entirely appears in every sense like for this paragraph i get to see the word entirely three times already you're going to get a low grade for vocabulary in lexical resource okay so let's move on persons have rights so banning it entirely is not good the government can not ban it entirely because it's a violation in terms of personal freedom more errors to correct so first of all cannot is it supposed to be two words that's right yeah cannot is supposed to be one word and then there's the word good here as mentioned earlier try to avoid good bad big small happy sad look for something more specific okay what else persons of right so banning it entirely is not good the government can validate because it's a violation in terms of personal freedom when i attended another writing workshop ielts examiners don't necessarily suggest in terms of in writing because you sound unsure so what's the better way of doing this the government cannot ban it entirely because it's a violation of personal freedom you don't have to write in terms of personal freedom okay let's now move on to the third paragraph oh you have something to say yes oh yeah the contraction yeah i t apostrophe s no definitely it's too informal uh especially if you are taking the academic version please avoid contraction spell it out it is a violation instead of it okay let's now move on to the third paragraph of the body to cope up with this problem the government must adapt a policy for the benefit of each and every one of us due to the fact that the government will do everything to protect the people from getting sick and it is a facts that no government will ever allow sickness to prevail across mankind wow we're not laughing at the output of the review yes definitely it's just that there are so many things going on in that particular sentence okay so one by one to cope up with that's wrong so what's the correct version surface to cope with okay no more up cope with not cope up with and then the government must adapt okay what's the difference between adapt with the letter a and adopt with the letter o letter a means to adjust so in this case the government is not going to adjust in this case it should have been o okay must adopt a policy for the benefit okay look at this one each and every one of us it's as if you're in a declamation contest okay that's exactly the reason why there's speaking sometimes and there's writing sometimes because your language in speaking is not exactly the same language in writing so please avoid the clamatory or or rhetorical language in the writing subjects okay due to the fact that we consider this deadwood and what's deadwood in ielts the unnecessary words that make one sentence unnecessarily long so instead of writing each and every one of us why not write every one instead of writing do to the fact that you can write because so someone told me but sir i'm supposed to reach 250 words the point is you're supposed to show your examiner you can reach 250 words but using the fewest number of words possible to express one idea so no to deadwood the unnecessarily lengthy words and then look at this one the government will do everything to protect the people from getting sick okay not all so avoid motherhood statements in ielts it is best if you're going to say majority most some but try to avoid all nobody no one because you're not entirely sure that it is applicable in real life this is not utopia ladies and gentlemen this is reality and then a facts okay what's the common error here ah means that what follows is supposed to be singular but fact series plural so it's supposed to be a fat okay so it is the fact that no government will ever allow sickness to prevail across mankind wow okay what was your opinion regarding that part of the senate that makes me go thank you candidate number two i mean it sounds very uh as you said declamatory or rhetorical and it's yeah definitely it does not belong in this in this essay okay so let's compare going back two paragraphs ago eight sentences short choppy sentences now if i may read that entire sentence in one breathing here we go to go up up with this problem the government must adapt a policy for the benefit of each and every one of us due to the fact that the government will do everything to protect the people from getting sick if your exam is like 10 years old the examiner would have died already why because what do we do when we read we pause when there is a period or there's a comma in this case it's like the entire sentence has 50 words already and that's around one sentence now the second sentence of this paragraph oh before that okay how many times was the word government mentioned i think one two two three three in just one sentence god definitely not anyway going to the second sentence despite of the economic recession a government must help the health of people as one of the priority okay despite doesn't have off okay in spite of three words in spite of that's correct despite one word no off so both despite and in spite of are correct but you're not supposed to write or say despite off and then what else for that sentence despite of the economic recession how do you know that there's an economic recession the task description didn't include this in the situation that was provided so it is not generalizable so it should not form part of your argument argument here in this paragraph okay as one of the priority a very common mistake in both writing and speaking a lot of people write or say one of my favorite one of my friend one of my teachers the reason why it's one of the is because there are plenty of them so why use a singular noun after one of them so a friendly reminder one of the is always followed by a plural noun okay oh and in addition to that a government must help the health i don't think you help help yes you help people with their health so we perhaps must support the health or must address the health concerns yes but you're not you cannot help the health of people okay and then for our conclusion therefore i conclude smoking ban in public places is good but banning it entirely is bad okay the reason why it's called a paragraph is because it's a group of sentences you don't write one sentence in one paragraph that's the rule in writing task two and then therefore i conclude you sound like a grade two pupil writing a conclusion for your science lab experiment there is a more scholastic way of putting an end to your output without writing therefore i conclude and they are common words good and bad the purpose of the conclusion is to put an end to the writing task without copying exactly the same words that appeared in the intro and in the body but here we see public places again we see good again we see entirely again and bad again now grand total 244 words and that's below the minimum because in writing task 2 it should be at least 250 words so if we are going to assess this output using the four criteria for judging there's task response coherence and cohesion lexical resource grammatical range and accuracy what grade do you think sir philip this candidate is going to get for this output in writing definitely no higher than a five i believe the sentences were short and choppy when it comes to grammar too many grammatical errors time time traveling uh way too much when it comes to lexical resources repetition limited vocabulary good bad and things like that task response for example misinterpretation of the test description coherence and cohesion the sentences are are are either too long too short the relationship between the ideas were not clarified definitely something that could use a lot more work and then for task response it's under length less than the required number of words yes and then uh well you might want to ask so how do you know that it's fine when you're not ielts examiner as well the point is we've been doing this for the longest time so we can somehow or to a certain extent if the candidate is ready or not and because we've had hundreds thousands of reviewers since 2006 we are likely to tell the candidate okay this is the grade that you're likely to get for this output so we recommend that you don't apply for the examination yet we do er on the side of caution we again we do not pretend to be qualified examiners but the ex the ex the experience that we've had over the years more than a decade of doing this hopefully has some value for you um yeah and there is there are the publicly available band descriptors uploaded in the ielts website and this is what we base our assessments on and we do invite you to have coaching with us so that you get to benefit from our long experience like what i've said there are so many videos on youtube on how to prepare for the examination but when you are alone without anyone telling you what you're supposed to do what you're not supposed to do it might be an uphill climb it's a tall order so we recommend that you grab preparation courses to help you in your assessment yes so that you would know if you're ready to take the examination or not so that's the reason why we have seven ielts coaches in one day and three to four oet coaches in one day on the average we assess 100 to 110 reviews for writing and speaking on a daily basis that's monday to saturday 9 a.m to 9 00 p.m you don't have an excuse that i run out of sloths like hello we have 100 to 110 coaching slots per day so how qualified are our coaches i require them to pass the examination before they can work at niner so if you have any questions if you need assistance for one-on-one coaching you know our facebook page you know our website or you can also download our app thank you guys [Music] you

Channel: 9.0 Niner IELTS OET PTE

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Length: 26min 39sec (1599 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 04 2020