IELTS Essay (Band 9) Reasons and Impacts

hi everybody welcome back to right to the top I'm Adam in today's video I'm gonna walk you through another IELTS essay and again you can apply everything you hear here to the TOEFL or to other English exams or writing sections but I'm gonna look at an essay that a student sent me for assessment and I'm gonna use some of his ideas and some of my own ideas and the reason I'm focusing on this square on this particular essay is because again a little bit difficult because of the topic itself for a lot of people the actual ideas are gonna cause the most trouble when writing this so we're gonna look at a little bit of the planning stage and a little bit of how you can apply these ideas to other questions or other topics okay so we're gonna look at the two-part question for the IELTS academic what are the causes of something or the reasons for something happening and what are the impacts okay so two separate things first thing to understand is there's no opinion here so you have to make sure you don't include an opinion here it's a very straightforward essay now these types of essays should be the easiest to write and again the reason they're not is mostly because people just don't have ideas they just don't think about these things because they don't apply to their lives but again this is why I always say start building an idea bank so you don't get stuck on anything so let's look at the question first it has been observed in many countries recently that fewer students are choosing to pursue studies in the sciences okay so very straightforward let fewer students go into school to study science biology chemistry physics whatever why is this happening why are fewer students going into the sciences and how might society be impacted by this so again the questions are clear the topic is clear the ideas might be a little bit tricky so let's think of some ideas as to why and the impact first why why is this happening for the most part again this is my opinion this is the way I'm looking at this question Sciences might be there's a lot of repetitive work in the sciences you do the same experiment over and over and over and over again you study the same things over and over and over again some things just never change right you already know what's going to happen or you already know what's coming so there's not that much excitement in it for most scientists there's not much money in this like you're not gonna get a high very high paying job you'll get a job but no the money's not great it's a saturated market now saturated means there's more than necessary more than can be held comfortably so in terms of employability there are so many scientists now that you might not be able to find a job when you do graduate from university in the sciences you have to study for a long time scientists to get a degree in something or to specialize in something you may need extra time studying to get this and there's no glory or fame so just like there's no money you're not gonna become famous for it unless of course you discover the cure to cancer or invent the next iPhone or whatever it is right so these are some ideas of course there could be others you think of your own but start building an idea back start collecting things about the sciences start collecting things about the arts start collecting ideas that can apply to all kinds of different questions okay keep an idea bank and again there's a link up here if you want to learn more about the idea Bank now what are some impacts on society well there if there are fewer scientists there will possibly be fewer inventions or discoveries you want some smart kid or some smart student to study a particular science and then go and vent something if that student doesn't want to do it because there's no money or it's boring he or she will discover something else somewhere else and not help Society you can if all the students don't go into the sciences they'll go into other industries like business or Media Studies or communications or whatever computers computer technology IT market then the other job it will become saturated those industries will have too much competition a lot of people will be unemployed and then of course it affects the economy a friend affects everybody and there's gonna be damage to important sectors so if you don't have enough students understanding how to evolve in terms of agriculture how to create new technology for computing information technology suffers farming suffers other sectors suffer because there are in scientists there to help them evolve in advance right so this affects everybody so here are some ideas ok let's get into the essay again you just want to paraphrase the task so all over the world nowadays young people in academia academia basically means school University College are increasingly moving away from the sciences there are several reasons for this as well as serious implications for the world at large notice here the most important thing I want you to understand here they're not asking for your opinion so do not give it to them do not use in my opinion I believe I think that none of these belong in this essay and some people will put this and automatically lose points because they didn't understand the task they're not asking you for opinion why give realistic so the reasons that have nothing to do with you implications realistic implications that have nothing to do with your opinion so very straightforward paraphrase here's what it's about now sorry one more thing you could say this essay will discuss the reasons for this as well as the implications if you can avoid putting this essay will do something then avoid it the examiners think that's a little bit too easy because it's very a lot of people use it and it's very straightforward just go right into it there are several reasons the fact that you wrote there are reasons means that this is what this essay is about that is the purpose of a thesis statement you don't need to make it very very obvious okay let's go on to the body now it's a long body you don't have to read it here this essay is available right now on my website that a link in the description box you can go read it there slowly and carefully I just want to show you how I split up the information okay in the first paragraph the main reasons this is a very straightforward essay just they ask you why paragraph one why they ask you the implications paragraph two the implications it it's all very simple don't try to be too fancy if you see this type of question on your exam be very happy you got a good day you could have had a much more difficult question so the main reasons for the shift are likely related to income and job satisfaction notice my topic sentence I'm going to talk about the reasons I'm going to talk about this particular reason I'm going to talk about that particular reason very general topic sentence and then get into the details in terms of the former so let's talk about incomes if one discovers a new medicine or invents a popular budget sorry gadget this can result in a major financial boon boon is like a very profitable very good financial situation if you invent something famed like very popular you can make a ton of money most people will not invent anything or discover anything and they will have so-so incomes most scientists will never have this opportunity in fact many will spend many years learning one subject and then work on one project for their entire careers so notice I'm bringing some of the other ideas not only is it low paying you're not going to become famous for it and you're probably going to have a very boring and repetitive job and then I take this idea and I link it to the next idea so you're probably going to just do one thing you're not gonna become famous or discover anything which brings the repetitive work of scientists I'm naturally flowing into the next idea and they're in the next reason the repetitive work of scientists such as sitting the lab conducting experiments is another reason many students prefer to study other subjects etc now still very important and this is where lose a lot of points in this type of essay you still need a transition into your second body paragraph so given the above reasons so if we take these reasons as serious reasons that people are not going here are the consequences that can come if people don't go into the sciences and the probability that this trend will continue society faces certain dangers very broad very general topic sentence I'm going to talk about the dangers in this case the impact same idea the impacts are dangerous to society and then I'm going to talk about scientists contribute in many ways and I give examples of those if you reduce the number of scientists the reduction in the number of side science graduates can in the long run hurt society and then I show how it can hurt society so try in this particular type of question the key is to try to be as specific as possible with your reasons as specific as possible with the impact and to give as many examples as possible that's the only way you're going to fill up the word count because you can answer this question in a hundred words but remember you need to have to write 250 minimum so how are you going to fill up the word count is lots of ideas with details lots of examples and I give a lot more examples here and then I talk about unemployment I talk about other industries etc again you can read all this on my website I just wanted to give you some ideas here and then conclusion that's the more young people move away from the sciences the greater the risk the world faces as a society we should consider ways to encourage more students now notice here I bring we not I we as a society should do something I can I'm not really adding a new idea I'm adding a suggestion based on the presentation I just gave and that's fine otherwise you have very short conclusion sentence this is a good way to do it the next step next essay etc now remember how I said the biggest problem is I years people don't have enough ideas about some of these questions remember every time you write a practice essay you're just practicing before your test you're writing essays essays essays make sure that you store those ideas somewhere so that you can apply them to other questions keep an idea bank and keep building it building and building it so all these ideas we just talked about like the sciences and why they don't go and what scientists how fewer scientists will impact Society think about other types of questions students should be encouraged to focus on the STEM subjects stem science technology engineering math what are the benefits and drawbacks of encouraging students to go into these fields as opposed to humanities or languages or communication or other things etc students should study what they want or be trained for employability so some people think let students study anything they want some people think let them only study courses that will get them jobs after they graduate discuss both views and say which you you agree with right so again you can say well if students are forced to study things that are boring they might not do very well anyway if there's not much money in the field that they're employable in etc you do lots of different things and then if more and more people create a certain industry it will affect Society let those interested in Sciences study Sciences let those who want to study art study art it'll be better for society the world needs more scientists and fewer business executives agree or disagree governments should subsidize schools that train people to find jobs and technology and business more so than those that teach humanities or sciences agree or disagree so you can take all these ideas apply them to other questions you can even apply them to other topics in general right and that's basically the idea here don't forget to get yourself ready for the ideas that's the bottom line of this video okay so if you have any questions about anything you saw here please ask me in the youtube comment section you can also go to my Facebook page or my Instagram and ask me questions there as well don't forget you can join my facebook group if you want to have a little bit more practice with reading and writing communicate with your peers ask questions all these things it's good to develop your skills please join and do that okay and that's it if you like this video please give me a like don't forget to subscribe to my channel click the notification icon if you want to find out about new videos and come back next time for some more writing tips vocab tips grammar tips etc see you then bye bye

Channel: Write to the Top

Views: 15,023

Keywords: IELTS, TOEFL, English writing, writing skills, language test, English vocabulary, how to write an essay, essay writing, test tips, English test, English skills, test preparation, IELTS high score, TOEFL high score, language skills, how to write in English, IELTS high band, IELTS writing, TOEFL writing, academic writing, academic vocabulary, IELTS prep, IELTS test, TOEFL test, IELTS success, TOEFL success, English teacher Adam, IELTS band 9, IELTS task2, IELTS essay

Id: 2CY2lUu9PeE

Length: 14min 7sec (847 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 14 2020