I Reviewed Onision's Third Book So You Don't Have To

what's up this one was something else you feel like a beast that rose from the depths of tartarus itself with no purpose in life but to raise its surroundings ruining lives it couldn't possibly comprehend before descending back into its desolate home of ash and decay taking part of my soul with it there's room for improvement is what i'm trying to say welcome back to my book club because apparently i've run out of things to do hence the getup that i'm wearing how much of this is for a bit and how much of this is just my fashion still his look five dollars for the glasses steal the ring and buy my merch the best place to start is with the start as in the front of the book now i didn't buy a physical copy this time since i couldn't find a second-hand copy or a copy most likely because no one in australia bothered to import the thing and to buying it new was three times more expensive than buying the kindle version priced at an astonishing 12-hole australian dollars also the kindle version gives less money to greg so i will be using a copy of dante's inferno in its stem i'm holding it upside down so when you see this pretend that i am reading anision's book why did i pick a book that explicitly details the deluge of pain and torture in hell that's called subtlety greg you could learn a thing or two but you know what isn't a deluge of pain and torture today's sponsor bridge wallet it's so much better than a normal wallet that listing the benefits seems kind of a little unfair benefits like it's premium build materials such as aluminum titanium and carbon fiber the fact is compact but still easy to access no more fumbling around with your grotty disgusting fake leather wallet this bad boy holds so many cards hot damn but not just cards it holds money really well like way better than i was expecting as in stapling the money to me would probably be less effective you know it's a good wallet why not buy one thousands of people agree that it's worth the price especially considering there's a lifetime warranty with free shipping and 10 off if you use the code kappa using the link below so get on it hot stuff as you may remember from my last video the cover of enesion's second book had a low res jpeg of greg doing his best worst jack skellington cosplay and stones to abigail had stones and presumably abigail with no haven't read it reaper's creak on the other hand is prefaced by a picture of stuff greg just had in his house making it genuinely difficult to comprehend at times it took me a few minutes to realize that this was actual writing not to mention this strange hole cut in the picture that has a a singular l in a different marker which may actually draw you away from noticing that the uh the title is written on scraps that is used to package bluetack i should also read this paragraph down here but greg should have written a book not fan fiction so it seems that both of us are doing whatever we want right now as a brief introduction this collection of words follows daniel a young child slash teenager who gets uh he gets powers of some kind which causes stuff to happen you may wonder already if daniel is just another self-insert as was the case with greg's second book and possibly greg's first book and yes and also it's more noticeable because for some reason there are times characters call the protagonist greg as in how people refer to the author greg the name is supposed to be daniel but the first time someone calls to him they use the name greg which just completely threw me off entirely at the start even though it only happens three times in the book and even more so since daniel is or was part of greg's real life name so not only is the main character named after the author it is occasionally replaced accidentally with the rest of the author's name and if that's not bad enough apparently his first book has the protagonist named james as in greg's middle name was this supposed to symbolize some some unique relationship between the author and the protagonist or was it just lazy the book actually starts with a forward basically trying to justify the weirdness of it while also making the book seem like it's saying more than it is in classic and asean style but the reason i'm bringing this up is because when he references his first book he misspells it twice which is such a pathetic mistake i have to double check every time i proofread this script that yes greg does in fact [ __ ] up the name of his own book twice chapter one serves as our introduction to our main character and cast now i'm not saying everyone except for the self insert is unimportant and bland but i'm mainly going to be ignoring them and you're not going to notice this chapter sets out to explain in no uncertain terms that daniel is in fact a smart little boy who's just so amazing in everything it begs the question if greg even tried to hide it this time around this chapter includes such highlights as the problem with friends is they aren't bound to you by blood there is no promise they will never go away spoken like an 11 year old which is what daniel is the chapter continues with daniel going up a hill to play bashing on christianity again because it's greg knocking himself out immediately waking up realizing he's injured then going to the bathroom compressing his wound what wound is this from how did his t-shirt get ripped go [ __ ] yourself i guess but yes daniel retreats having lost the first bout with nature and performs first aid on himself while relishing and here's a razor sharp jawline an attractive tall stature i won't spoil how tall because he does explicitly say it later and i've laughed reading books before but this is the first time i laughed at a book like a mean-spirited laughter in short this chapter ends with him pouring hydrogen peroxide on his wound which is his and i'm quoting here favorite part implying he's done this before at age 11. he then finishes off his day by playing metal gear solid great game which was unwittingly programming his world view except it isn't because daniel's actions and world view do not correlate to the ideologies portrayed in metal gear solid even remotely metal gear solid is an extremely political game you could have just said i was playing bubsy i wouldn't have noticed i would have let it slide but no he had to get all fancy with it and bring in politics for no reason i should point out now this is written as the current thoughts at the time this isn't like a great gatsby kind of situation where he's 11 years old and then he grew up and retroactively he has this new profound view on these things he's 11. he's 11 and he's saying these things what a dork which is my official writing for this chapter what a dork out of 10. you know what else is crazy about this chapter is uh when i was reading it only 45 percent of you watching are subscribed to my channel so why don't you hit that bell icon and support the channel if you if you want to if you like how this video turns out why not subscribe i worked pretty hard on it this part is being added well after the final draft and i cannot find a good entry point so i'm just putting it here sorry this is basically a repeat of last chapter uh reinforcing the fact that daniel is and i'm quoting here really smart and super attractive okay that wasn't a quote but you get the point well also morally superior than everyone else because the rest of the cast reads like sunday cartoon villains on pcp also aliens happen this chapter follows daniel and his sister walking up the street to his uncle's bonfire party which they are allowed to do because they don't live near anyone else so the streets are safe and because his mother is not an irresponsible cretan i'm aware this is probably supposed to be some kind of dramatic irony uh or some terminology like that but it's almost impossible to read it that way unless you understand greg you can't actually write dramatic irony or write at all because dramatic irony rarely works when the main character is never wrong about anything so i'm choosing to think of this as a poorly executed story element rather than thinking of it as shamefully short-sighted since not long after this his mother continues to be the exact same neglectful parent but suddenly daniel understands that with no revelation between him liking his mother and not it just happens is it supposed to be sarcastic he's like eleven how am i supposed to be reading this either way he's completely forgettable family members trying to pressure him again an 11 year old to drink whiskey to the point where it's almost a threat now do these types of families exist in the real world yes are they common tricky question there's a lot of grey area in this situation did greg show a family in that gray area and choose this type of family specifically to accurately depict the struggles of being raised solely dependent on abusive relationships creating an internal conflict later in life as you struggle to adapt to healthy relationships causing you to default to surrounding yourself with abusive people because that at the very least is familiar [Music] no the only reason this family exists is because based off my research humans are usually born into families and according to the book that's what daniel is but gosh darn it greg isn't going to eat the most [ __ ] victimhood out of them with his uncle completely ignoring daniel's continued efforts to say thanks man and just tosses the glass whiskey bottle at a child a horrific act that perfectly sets up a redemption arc for a character that never appears again something something uh [ __ ] [ __ ] people who drink followed by a line that reads pretty closely to if i was your boyfriend i'll treat you the way you deserve my queen but instead of uh thinking you're superior at holding doors open for women it's just general moral superiority because everyone who drinks is an alcoholic and cheers to that he goes home and then aliens missing part of the sentence repeating part of the previous sentence so everyone knows you're paralyzed and what exactly that word means you could have just said i'm paralyzed the unable to escape was implied this is what a fly would feel like trapped inside a spider web yes as in paralyzed only i couldn't even struggle yes because you're paralyzed i get it i was paralyzed physically yes dude i know what it means it's fine back to the book daniel wakes up from his extremely traumatic abduction and assault from an extraterrestrial force and immediately seeks comfort and counsel trying to understand the situation he's just experienced which introduces our mentor character in the hero's journey i'm kidding he gets annoyed at his mom singing this chapter is the first time we see him at school a location greg doesn't seem to remember very well so obviously it's my favorite chapter so far it just makes no sense it starts simply by him and his sister beating his cousin she's not important who's a year older which also is important and as the bus comes around the corner it explodes riddling his cousin in shrapnel and his sister screaming in horrors cousins stumbles around screaming and spitting blood but joke's on you he imagined it oh greg will you ever stop spoiling us by writing a book without the main character imagining a horrific event causing the deaths of several children what's that you won't you should some of you may recall what i'm referencing from this is why i hate you where he imagines a bomb or some stuff with metal propulsion devices going off at school and generally it was less descript and horrific than in this book and surprisingly more justified since jack skellington or whatever [ __ ] hated everyone completely unjustly but horrifically [ __ ] up people would generally be more likely to imagine horrifically [ __ ] up things but in rupert's creek he just imagines the most horrendous event i've read in a book and then just moves on like a derailed train covered in butter i didn't think i would say this in my career but i think you should further explain the exploding bus fill of children he just l cancels that sentence into wondering why a school's named ocean view when it's not near the ocean that was a melee joke in case you didn't get that i'll cancel it don't worry it was mad funny don't worry go to school meet heather how do you know this word daniel's a giga chat even when he's 11. we meet david he's best friend david is gross he thinks daniel's sister is hot real life eleven-year-olds are more concerned with cooties than hitting on girls they watch your documentary daniel of course is a smart little boy so he's smarter than the narrator go [ __ ] yourself daniel sees an alien in documentary daniel cry daniel has dinner my sister is sociopath uh-huh chapter end the last book of his that i read was a learning experience for all of us and i learned that if it bores me i'm going to start skipping things okay just a quick aside here i was reading this chapter again to take screenshots for editing this video and i found out he has another sister i further on i only say daniel's sister like his sister referring to joanna who's mentioned about 50ish times um and stops getting mentioned about chapter 18 afterwards she's just never mentioned again but he has another sister an older sister called christina and i never noticed because she's mentioned twice in the entire book and never gets touched on again i don't think she ever has any explained reason for her disappearance or anything i think i think greg actually genuinely completely forgot about an entire character that is a family member to the main cast like he just forgot about her and didn't think to just remove it from the book which is astounding to me reading this chapter's name i'll be honest i was a little scared and i should have been for different but as justifiable reasons this chapter introduces a character named mara who exists for a whole chapter and is described thusly attention all audio listeners please tab back into the video now as the following section requires a visual aid so yeah this is how he describes her and ignoring how unimpressed he is this character seems to be the catalyst for us to see how perverted his friend david is which we already knew but it just needed to be reaffirmed as then we could get even more space on the page dedicated to how much gre i mean daniel respects women which is quite the contradiction a word i don't think greg understands um seeing as daniel despite not caring for sexualizing women can't seem to stop bringing it up every second and then once again just hard cuts mid paragraph from explaining the logistics of people staying at his house to a bully yelling at him in the present at least i assume the present which he courageously ignores because of his moral superiority while also exclaiming how obviously his actions reflect a poor home life just ignoring the child protective services exists and he could call them because he's so morally [ __ ] superior another sus chapter name but i'll let it slide this time i wrote that joke about the cps before reading this chapter in which he mentions them in relation to philip but with absolutely no self-awareness in relation to what's been happening in the previous chapters can't win them all guys or any of them i guess having people offer to act as editor for your book for free was too much work big man's getting upset daniel starts this chapter contemplating on the essence of water or some such liquid it doesn't matter into the going into the nature of existence itself until his sister rudely interrupts him which annoys him a totally acceptable reaction because he was on the cusp of creating a cure for death itself which other people would totally know and respect because other people can read your thoughts you dick this chapter had the potential to be interesting but much like the rest of this book i hate it that's not a joke i just hate this book there's a sentence laid with so much irony it would just immediately combust a lesser being and then just moves on to the the thing of this chapter which is daniel defending a kid called whatever who gives one from philip the bully don't bully me i'm so sexy and tall daniel uses the term hero complex which is a strange amount of awareness coming from greg but i'm not sure if he understands it because a hero complex is a bad thing generally and daniel does the right thing so he goes and defends the kid because i'm paraphrasing here he's above average height in case you didn't catch that the first time and also his mom taught him how to fight which is a stunning convenience because it doesn't match her character in the slightest another fact you may find similar if you remember some part of my last book club where i didn't have these bang glasses and sick chain where his mother in that book was essentially the same character except she was dead and also had the same main character who was also taught to fight by his mother so i'm seeing daniel less as a new character and more a reincarnation of a long line of losers which includes daniel and the other one it would take 15 seconds to find out his name the book is right i can physically see it but let's not pretend either of us care and if you're still wondering no they don't fight because the bell rings which is unfortunate because the only two outcomes of that fight would have been one daniel wins in spite of greg's complete ineptitude and riding fight scenes or two he gets his [ __ ] rocked which just makes him go cry in the bathroom or something and just saying that out loud makes me all warm and fuzzy any fun this chapter could have had is ruined so daniel and david go and shoot a dead fish and then a dead body shows up in the creek like the name of the book oh no gang it's a dead body zoinks jankies [ __ ] there's some stuff about it then he just goes back to school fights phillip uh winning thanks to his training from his completely average suburban mum so she probably just said like hit him in the dick or something i don't know this chapter ends with him acting all high and mighty getting sassy in response to phillips whiny and pathetic remarks which would be like a sense of relief mixed with foreshadowing in any other book but because it's greg it's just meant to be a power fantasy ending strangely with that was the last time i spoke to him before he died weeks later if this was any other book i would think it's hinting at some kind of like childhood innocence or something and like sheltering and the harsh realities of being an adult or something like that like the end of stand by me or something else greg probably stole this idea from but it just reads like greg's seeing this as the ultimate victory like he got the last laugh and daniel proved his superiority and philip had to die with that knowledge anyway next chapter i would like to rename this chapter whoops greg can't use death as a narrative device again phillips not even cold yet and greg just parades him all over the pages with phrasings such as causing him to rapidly cease existing in the world as we know it a kid [ __ ] died in a horrific accident you can chill on the big brain energy for one second and as abruptly as the book starts talking about philip's death it stops and immediately transitions back into daniel's slumber alien time and while i relish in the chance to proceed with the main plot so i can stop [ __ ] reading the tonal opposition of that first page really does throw you off like watching moana then having 30 second clips of the lighthouse randomly spliced in with no acknowledgement while passively reading it you don't really have time to analyze anything it just hits you like a flashbang which is a pretty big insult honestly because the rest of the chapter it distracts from is significantly less interesting he vaguely compares the alien to a special ed kid at his school which should be foreshadowing but because greg wrote it it's daniel just knows stuff he yells at them poorly describes an out of body experience that will be a reoccurring theme and then just stops talking cool this exposition sucks and there's no payoff i just want this book to hurry the [ __ ] up the out of body experience from the last chapter was supposed to indicate that daniel is now extraterrestrially affected in fact you might not know if you didn't read the book or even if you did it's not described very well but it is in chapter 8 where we begin to see the slow burn of what is to come like too slow like nothing happens like leaving the stovetop on while you wash your hands in the sink right next to it and the whoops now all the coals this chapter begins with daniel rising from a slumber at school for some reason because [ __ ] continuity david says whatever to him blah blah blah blah grandma mistake yes daniel notices a small glow down a nearby hill so he has this plan to investigate that's too much credit he has an idea he goes to play kickball with david and let the ball pass him so he can move backwards slowly without raising attention and get close to the gloam which raises the biggest question here why [ __ ] bother no one's stopping him david doesn't even need to be included and even then david ends up rocketing the ball directly into daniel's nose which is even in a book with superpowered individuals the biggest threat daniel faces and leads to him getting up and wordlessly drifting towards the glow anyway oh three pointless paragraphs you shouldn't have as daniel gets closer he he finds the source a dead deer which he then turns around smiles with his teeth covered in blood because reasons faints and smacks his head against a metal fence and the only way to make this event not entirely contrived is to have this just kill him which is what i want but you know [ __ ] it daniel goes home and [ __ ] around with some dead animals for like two pages and then there's a whole section it's being worded so strangely i i genuinely got confused as to what the point of the section was until i realized there probably isn't one it's spring break and daniel is planning to spend it doing nothing but playing final fantasy 7 which he says he has invested about 24 hours of combined gameplay into this game firstly that sounds really weird uh it's like to read so gameplay should have been replaced with like 24 hours of combined play time into this game and secondly combined with what you wouldn't say i have a combined play time of 172 hours in dark souls 3. you would say i have played 170 hours which brings up the issue that things that are supposed to be small innocuous lines are written so [ __ ] strangely it just smears across the entire paragraph and sometimes the chapter making it hard to discern what i'm supposed to be paying attention to daniel gets interrupted by his mother who is expecting a friend who she warns daniel by but describing her as um fragile which is a strange terminology for women at best made infinitely worse by the fact it was written by greg who's been diagnosed with the terminal condition of not being that great at describing women i am heavily understating that but i just i it's not the point of this video just look it up it's the reason this [ __ ] is fragile or whatever the [ __ ] drug says is because she's pregnant but daniel sees a glow in her stomach which means that child is kick flipping in heaven and she knows that daniel's mother knows that and i know that this isn't important enesion serial describer of women and their problems it's after they leave that daniel just starts uh doing the thing again where he rambles spouting some weird ideology [ __ ] that sounds suspiciously like it's being written by a completely different person who is several decades older and is named greg [Music] it's dream time again where the alien pulls out his eyes or who gives one he wakes up bleeding then they go to the er where he goes full on um can i speak to the manager uh saying that the wait time is long because he guessed chest bleeding wasn't a huge priority and saving his life isn't on the doctor's mind uh which isn't how doctors work and isn't how an 11 year old would think and judging by the fact it's been four hours and daniel was alive uh there probably isn't that bigger rush considering it's called the emergency room where people commonly go when they're dying which say it with me greg is a bad thing and we don't want people to die yeah that's right empathy training i think that's more important than daniel's superficial wound i almost crack and i really hope he knows that the doctor grand stands to him about and i'm not [ __ ] with you here self-harm because that's what a professionally trained doctor would assume is what's happening to an 11 year old because reality be damned greg just really likes his characters to be unjust victims to such an uncomfortable degree i'm surprised he was even able to finish this book while climaxing every five pages anyway as they leave there's a horrendous car crash where some stuff happens and the dude that hits them gets out of the car and he's like oh my god are you guys all right and daniel in his baseline delirious state just points to the dude's girlfriend and just goes she's dead a few times until the uh the step dad tells him to shut up which was the power fantasy for me personally for this entire book i just i really want someone to beat the [ __ ] out of daniel just really bad just like ah yes chapter 11 awake that thing that i wasn't while reading this book this chapter starts with daniel offhandedly mentioning that a few weeks ago a teacher died of a heart attack mid-class and were also given the narrative whiplash of finding out daniel's mother has previously beaten him with a belt and it's written like we knew that which we very much didn't then something magical literally deletes his mother's eyeballs she falls unconscious bleeding profusely from her eye sockets then her eyes come back he goes to school surprised the special ed kid is actual the alien surprise the alien did the eye thing because she was a threat surprise daniel pisses his pants next chapter he has a dream with a naked woman that this stuff nice work greg daniel's 11. just a reminder he's awoken by the alien in kid form outside his window because he's sleeping with a metal tinfoil and is therefore protected in his dreams but then he gets like mad abducted with his limbs mad detached and then mad not abducted anymore because greg is an excellent author then while he's at the urinal he hears the alien again gets pinched in the neck and slams his head into a yellow tiled wall why did this need to happen in this exact location this chapter is relatively uninteresting as are most of them but there's some seriously [ __ ] up stuff that i will have to be brief with for my sanity or yours uh this chapter is randomly now in ohio with julia who was mentioned at the start of the book and is a woman so a little worried now in the first draft of this script i called her julian but later changed it to julie and i wasn't sure why i got her name wrong so many times i know that there's only a letter difference which is easy to mistake but i just thought i was being this this idiot using all this um magnilloquent language and i couldn't get a single character's [ __ ] name right consistently but as it turns out i wasn't getting it wrong greg was julia is referred to as julie all the [ __ ] time for no reason it isn't established as nickname nor could it be one because it's basically the same name and that's not what a nickname is at one point in a short sentence he goes from julia to julie back to julia there is no distinction between when he uses them it's not like he says julia and thinks julie no greg's just a [ __ ] lunatic i'm going to call her julia it is also in this chapter we get concrete information on just how much taller than average daniel is saying that julia is five foot one at four years older than him which is just below the average height completely reasonable but daniel again at age eleven is five foot ten for context i'm slightly taller than that i'm not tall as in you would notice it but it's a bit taller than the average adult population in both australia and america but still within the plausible range which makes sense because i reached this height when i was an adult which is how age works daniel is almost as tall as me at the same age as daniel radcliffe was in the first harry potter movie where the average height for an 11 year old is around 4 foot 8. fictional daniel is taller at age 11 than daniel radcliffe is now imagine someone who looks like this being about the same height as me so for his super serious supernatural thriller greg seems to be following the same logic as anime which is still somehow an insult because jodaro being six foot five with cheese wheels for shoulders at age 17 is somehow more believable back to the part where greg writes women she's also a minor i should point out daniel and julia know each other through church which gives greg another opportunity to start rambling again okay grandpa it's time to take your medicine most of this chapter just consists of julia aggressively flirting with greg i mean daniel whoops slip of the tongue uh and this eventually devolves into them funky town shenanigans which is way too much like i'm going to throw up too much and there's no meaning or importance to the scene it is just perverse and grotesque which greg has actually defended by saying this situation is based off something that happened in his life which is cool with a candy but that's not a defense and doesn't explain the extent of the relationship much less the uh super power part also the chapter ends with um the plane ride home was a cold one with plane spell incorrectly and i know that is the least damaging critique of this chapter but it still counts in this chapter things get batshit nuts down insane which is excellent because we're halfway through the perfect time for the first interesting thing to happen anyway he stabs a disguised alien in the neck with a in-flight fork and it just kills him which i would argue somewhat devalues the potential threats to daniel if mass-produced silverware is enough to score a flawless ko but what do i know i'm only human he goes home and gets abducted by some other aliens or something fun and he starts exploding their heads with his mind also he can fly and is immune to the alien's teleportation powers or something and can ask for projects so he's basically god now with literally no foreshadowing i don't leave anything out this just happens greg's just ignoring logic and writing random gibberish which is why the halfway point of the book is not halfway through the video since the random time and location jumps start to happen a lot more frequently and things generally stop making sense so i'm going to skip some stuff it has been three long years and the aliens have stopped interacting with him he's mastered many abilities even manipulating reality nobody questions him his test scores are always perfect even when he's not paying attention because he's just he's so aloof and julia is the perfect woman who gives him bazinga uh when he wants it and doesn't bother him when he's busy ignoring the blatant misogyny there which is a little difficult despite skipping three years into the future there hasn't really seemed to be any character development if anything it's character consistency because julia being his obedient woman him being right all the time having the power of deus ex machina and people leaving him alone is exactly what was happening several chapters beforehand but as it turns out writing a perfect mary sue character leaves little head room for growth who would have thought in this chapter he's in pe and a disguised alien shows up he cuts off its ability to breathe in some abstract way and [ __ ] starts happening that greg barely tries to explain he postulates on the uh the nature of the in the society of these aliens with no evidence he just says it and then the chapter's over every day is a blessing in this chapter he tells david with words to [ __ ] off and tells two teachers with his mind to leave the room their only defining traits being their considerable assets uh which is so important to him he brings it up twice in the two paragraphs of the book they actually appear in his family rightfully doesn't like him he tells julia he's a god flies to her house she's in nothing but a bathrobe because greg and then they both get shot [ __ ] yeah apparently daniel isn't dead and i still can't leave this nightmare this whole chapter is somehow stranger than the last since as things become more complex they become more vague due to daniel's powers and the fact that greg struggles to write basically anything especially superpowers in any way that would give the readers a general understanding of what's happening or like when it's happening or if it's real he doesn't really care i mean this chapter starts saying julia was shot through the neck and bled out while all he did was stab it takes a short while to bleed out even through the neck but in terms of chronology this part only takes like one or two seconds which is weird and also the last chapter ended by saying the bullet passed through daniel's neck and into her forehead but greg is so caught up in describing the light leaving her because he probably thought that was so cool that he stopped paying attention to his own [ __ ] book i am now going to read an excerpt from this chapter so that you can see what it's actually like to read this unless i die halfway through which is entirely possible at this point daniel's so powerful he might just kill me through the book time for punishment the assassin was pinned against the wall blood leaking from his ears to match his polka dot suit red and black ridiculous julia's soul moved in the slowest of motion almost as if she was sticking around to look into her own eyes to see her own dead body just like you hear all those stories we love to look at ourselves as we leave almost like one final goodbye there were creatures all over earth just like the ones who took me only these ones hid in human skin and it was time for there to be none okay so the best i can say about that passage is i did in fact recognize the words as a sentence less so for one it's not made clear if daniel is pinning the assassin against the wall or like it's some other kind of force how does the blood match a red polka dot suit something that is mentioned as if we have heard it before but i actually think greg forgot to do that on a previous page we love looking at ourselves as we leave what the [ __ ] are you talking about this is the first time it's happened then the rest of the passage is basically just gibberish like it's not even comprehendable also he resurrects julia gives her powers or something because he can't bear losing her which makes sense because seeing characters develop over time is boring and if there's one word i would use to describe their relationship it's doubt love it's love it's definitely love also the bazinga again put that one on the counter bam daniel also redesigns the entire human race uh and it's only after julia's counseling that he thinks hmm maybe eugenic's bad and resigns to a more simplistic measure like balancing the genders which is like low-key eugenics anyway making fingernails as strong as steel because that was obviously the human race's weak point are brittle fingernails and gives all parents and children the innate ability to know where each other are to stop abductions which isn't necessarily how abductions even work but even then what about step children or adopted children man greg really doesn't think too hard when he writes huh there's also this line shown in full because i don't know what the [ __ ] that means as is probably obvious from the chapter name this is about coming home what i wasn't expecting was for daniel and julia to return to her house because i didn't actually know they had left but it is mentioned in the last chapter kind of it just says like hey we bounced when i have the type of conversation and insult dreams about dude just say that they talked into the night completely engrossed in each other and their company i can assume they love each other because the previous paragraph and also the fact that they slept together julia is 18 daniel is 14. why am i saying this who knows it's clearly not relevant the only other mention of a place is some cabin like where the [ __ ] did they go the reason i'm talking about this insignificant detail is because i'm delaying the inevitable like death and copyright strikes when they return they have dinner and julia's father has some choice words he's a dick is what i'm saying what did you expect he's a character in greg's fantasy land who isn't the protagonist or anyone he's sleeping with of course he's the devil he makes a comment about how women have teeth on their crutches which is a change daniel made because as he says i mean men have their swords women should have their blades too right which isn't remotely comparable oh also as it turns out julia's father who doesn't have a name is a serial predator having attacked julia's friends in the past and as soon as daniel realizes that he just dies he mentally alerts the nearest paramedics for the sake of julia's mother because he's already dead also she's not given a name uh he just spawns a coffin and some compensation money for losing the breadwinner which is kind of sexist but whatever then he just leaves and i could tell you about the rest of the chapter but how could i possibly top anything i just said this one's special to me because it has absolutely nothing to do with what's been going on previously it's basically like a filler arc in a book that don't have filler rocks daniel finds a bunch of dead women discerns they were killed by gary then murders him and his associates in such a way that really doesn't try to hide how this whole book is literally just an excuse for morality porn basically greg's writing this as an outlet because of his frustration of how wrong and unjust he deems the world to be and if he had unlimited powers this is how greg would fix it and the reason i say that with such certainty it looks like i'm tempting fate is because every choice daniel has made is in effect harrowing daniel basically anatomizes gary it is horrific and he describes his screams as sounding like justice which is mighty [ __ ] up and i'm moving on now oh no this chapter is a little hard to explain like a condensed version of the whole book because while there are some bygone events that have this issue almost every sentence in this chapter only works if you don't question anything said or interpret it logically so basically if you just don't read it at all daniel gets slash tp to some barren crevice void where an angel appears before him aware of his powers making this the first overarching plot related development to occur in around five chapters which is a fifth of the book uh you know settle down with that light speed pacing you got there greg i don't want to enjoy myself too much plot twist except not really because it was basically never established but the angel is actually deaf how did daniel see through his disguise he just did death explodes him with lacerations or something then daniel now in several parts shoots blood into death's skull letting him sing to death's mind whatever then he creates a new material that can contain death itself and flattens him like a trash compactor turning him into like a marble and no it's not just you none of this makes any sense the only thing close to being done in this chapter is my [ __ ] patience with daniel's newfound information uh he determines god as evil himself not through like apathy or something like just like he's god is actually just a dick every crime every tear that fell it was caused by god he had sent death to me he had not been too busy to handle me himself he was just afraid which is like a hardcore atheist wet dream but also determines that god isn't how we think of god and it's instead like the son of someone else named cull subtle uh who unlike god has no flesh and is which we'll come back to also apparently god is in three locations and daniel has created a new body because his consciousness is in the black stone in his head and he just reforms his body and says to him like clone go kill guard and just rockets after confront god one but not before a single tear rolls down his face because i think he was like staring into the sun or something i don't [ __ ] care the real daniel or as close as you can get meets julia the god two's location and gives her something he just refers to as the tools required but she doesn't want to fight god because only our handsome above average height for a 14 year old protagonist could do that and then the chapter ends with the sentence the body or the clone had already concluded the first god's location i wanted to beat him to the others what the [ __ ] does that mean something that i admitted uh that's in previous chapters especially the last one is daniel referring to his ability to change things as to see behind the curtains on all that as code and like most things contained in this book and not contained in this book greg can't write things related to code in a remotely convincing way it's kind of quaint and a little endearing but also mainly pathetic he refers to altering reality as changing code which raises more questions than it answers because to change code you need to like stop the pro and then change it and then rebuild the entire thing if anything it sounds more like code injection which i doubt greg knows what that is and the reason i'm telling you this is because the chapter starts off with daniel teleporting and saying location coding is rather simple which means nothing that isn't that is a non-sentence it has no meaning this chapter is him fighting the second god and if you know anything of greg's work it is probably the fight scenes or as i should put it the fight scenes daniel gets knocked on his ass by god before his clone slams into god with a body five times larger than before whose body is larger it's not clear you have to wait a page to find out god tries to strike the clone only to have his hand explode that's not explained he reforms his hand wields a sword and tries to decapitate the clone who we are told is five times larger than before so like almost 30 feet how is the sword reaching his head is god tall as well it doesn't matter because he just freezes and disintegrates which uh apparently that means it's clear that the clone has defeated god's second part i'll be honest greg none of that was clear to me the clone heals him and relays information he learnt from god part one the first god was informative the reason you can't read my mind the reason you can't even sense me is because to defeat the first god i had to operate in an entirely different universe of code daniel thinks to himself i began to understand what the body which is the clone was talking about cool i have no [ __ ] idea what's going on and i'm reading this [ __ ] basically the clone has transcended the coding of the universe that doesn't even make any sense in the story world but now daniel is just stronger again i don't know how we also get a flashback to the clone killing god one here it is it's very complicated and extremely uncool so you can read it if you want the last god is teleported to daniel and the daniels arno and there's no fight god can't do anything because plot armor they have a little atheist monologue the clone spouts about how the devil isn't real and how if he was real would have been one of the first gods halves and he even killed the hearts and the but if you kill hearts it's it's two-thirds that's not there's three gods that's not how halves work the real daniel chimes in with some biblical [ __ ] relating to the devil who was god because [ __ ] religion am i right uh you know like it was in the devil who was jealous of god's creations it was god being jealous of his sister's creations and he drowned them in the ark flood and cain and abel spelt wrong oh also the third god is dead none of this is explained i'm gonna go cry the clone goes to act as uh god except better because it's daniel and he's better at everything daniel himself goes to teleport to cull while making himself invisible two ways cole would be able to detect him in possibly the least cool way you could possibly describe sneaking up on the god of gods as he puts it talking to cull in his extremely humanesque body which he apparently doesn't have we learn that his daughter is dead i think it could have been mentioned i don't really care making her weakened him meaning that he made mistakes making god which he couldn't fix and i guess that rule applies to gods or something even though it doesn't apply to daniel i don't [ __ ] care apparently cull is displaying his daughter's code on the walls whatever the [ __ ] that even means then he just like daniel just like finds his daughter's code in the exact form it was before she died whatever the [ __ ] that even means and just reforms her now this should weaken daniel saying as the rule that was established one page ago should apply but it doesn't begging the question why didn't carl do it there is no established reason that would permit daniel but exclude carl and i'm moving on now because i want to be alive let me feel alive again good sir please [Music] daniel goes back to julia's and they bazinga again because the book wouldn't be complete without it also he's still 14 and she's still 18 which is irrelevant who knows why i'm bothering to mention it again carl's daughter takes command fixing the world as she sees fit and bars daniel from altering things further giving him the location of some aliens from the start of the thing who were hired by god to find a weakness with the brainstorm that was created by cull's daughter or something i am skipping this chapter this chapter is short and just uh where are they now section i guess if not just like a little bit brief um unfortunately something that is required for where are they now is for me to remotely give a [ __ ] about the characters [Music] these are not characters everyone in this book has a singular character trait but they do not in any way motivate the actions of the characters with the exception of greg's self-inso they are only there to generalize how greg sees the world or how he wants it to be so he has an excuse to ramble about his ideology for several pages daniel's sister allows greg to talk about how much people annoy him his mother lets him talk about how people who should love him don't unjustly david is greg's feelings that generally other people are cowardly stupid and misogynistic especially compared to him philip shows how he thinks he's been irrationally targeted by people who are morally and physically inferior to him god represents how unfairly mistreated greg and how everything he does is right but bad things still happen to him julia is among other things i shouldn't say in a youtube video just there to make greg feel cooler which is literally this whole book boiled down to a single purpose which is given away by the last chapter this whole book is designed to make the author feel cool young and sexy while also acting as self-foundation of his own worldview i could go on being hyper-analytical of all these things and the themes and the unintentional subtext behind the words but you already know it's bad in fact it's greg's worst book yet at times it's more illiterate than someone who can't speak english just guessing words what i'm going to do instead is tell you how i felt after reading the book because while objective analysis has its place the book has a one percent reception on google there's not a whole lot of discourse about whether it's good or bad this book made me feel for the first time in a while truly sad because this was not a story of a man on some bbc crime drama uh this this was made by someone who was real and genuinely trying to make something but all i could think while reading this book and writing the script was christ this is pathetic it feels like a child pretending to be a teenager pretending to be an adult but he wrote this when he was 32. uh i'm a little scared that something awful is going to happen to me and i'm going to become like that and if i do put me down so that seems to be the end of my script i don't know if i have anything else written thank you to the the fellas for supporting me financially thank you to everyone for watching this video that is more than enough but if you want to support me some more you could become a fella yourself uh you could buy my merch merchandise there it is um this is the list of them scrolling right now hopefully this is good hopefully you guys like it uh this has been in the works for a very long time for multiple reasons but yeah i hope it's good hope you guys liked it hope the setup's nice and i will see you next time thanks for tuning in [Music] you

Channel: Kappa Kaiju

Views: 1,969,723

Keywords: Kappa, Kaiju, commentary, onision, book, review, reaper's, creek, this, is, why, hate, you, stones, to, abbigale

Id: cNwHQjOI56Q

Length: 57min 25sec (3445 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 28 2020