I REALLY DON'T LIKE MY ART! Making really bad art all week, the creative flow and work-life balance.

[Music] [Music] do [Music] do [Music] uh so hi i am yeah i didn't didn't really talk yesterday to you so sorry about that but um yeah i just felt like being really quiet and just painting and yeah doing a bit of my own thing yesterday so i did pretty much all day or at least try to anyway so i'm just finishing my coffee this morning and then i'm just gonna head out to the studio so i'll take you with me and um my plan for today is paint all day again um so i had a bit of a struggle but i'll explain that when i get to the studio and show you what i've been doing but yeah i think i'm having a painter's identity crisis if you like and i might be about to start my experimental phase um with my artwork so anyway i'll ponder on a bit more about that um and yeah probably have a little chat with you when i get to the studio so i've got my juice and i've got all my bits and bobs hopefully um yeah taking my time this morning it's um just gone half of nine so i'm gonna head in see what i can get done [Music] so i'm not doing a car vlog this morning because i forgot my um my microphone so it'd probably sound really horrid so sorry about that [Music] do [Music] so i might have already mentioned i don't know because i can't remember what i said now but basically i came in yesterday and i didn't feel like talking so i was just painting and i was really struggling yesterday with my painting so i decided not to talk to you i'm afraid so sorry about that but um we can have tea together this morning because it's uh tuesday now hang on a sec while i get my tea here we go i've got cold tea this morning but it's quite refreshing so that's okay so what to catch you up on then i haven't really vlogged for the last few weeks because i've been trying to do videos that were in the request list so yeah what to catch you up on with ben can't even talk yet properly maybe because i didn't practice talking much yesterday so now i'm a bit rusty on talking and i think i'm a bit rusty on painting as well because i don't seem to be able to um paint things the way i want to paint them i'm having a bit of a painting crisis so yeah maybe a bit of an identity crisis and yeah an ability crisis as well with my with my artwork so if you're a creator and you also go through these times where you feel a little bit insecure about your abilities or you're not sure which direction you're going in please be reassured that it happens to me all the time and it kind of comes and goes in cycles and waves if you like just the natural way of things i think and maybe it's because we've just had the equinox and um spring has just happened so maybe my style is being reborn if you like after the uh the new moon of yesterday morning so if you've read my instagram stories from this week you might have seen the one where i was saying that i hadn't painted at all last week and i didn't so what happened last week yes i had my birthday so thanks for the birthday wishes as well i were really nice i had a lovely day nice and quiet at home with james and i didn't really feel like doing anything so we just kind of cold chilled which was lovely really nice so because i'd had my birthday as a day off in the week if you like i did carry over some of my work to the weekend and it overran into sunday a little bit as well so maybe that's why i was really tired yesterday and i couldn't paint very well and i didn't feel like talking i don't know but anyway i basically didn't come into the studio after i'd had my birthday so i spent thursday at home i think editing and then friday admin and and stuff like that communications and so i worked from the office for a couple of days and i actually didn't feel very well not ill as such but just i had no energy at all and the way i explained it to james was like um one of those rubber rings you know that you wear around yourself when you um can't swim and they've got those little um plugs little popper things someone had pulled out my my plug and let all the air out and that was all my energy so it just kind of really felt like someone had done that weird but i'm starting to feel a little bit better today definitely wasn't myself yesterday so that was last week then and the weekend so i think we're all caught up now can i just say i loved reading your comments last week i did actually answer quite a lot of messages um comments in here last week i think i tend to answer them on the friday when the video goes up and then i try to stay technology free as much as possible over the weekend so that's why i tend to um not answer them on a saturday but i do come in and then read them again on a monday but there was so many lovely comments and also responses to other people trying to set up their creative careers so i just want to say i encourage you completely um to keep going a lot of people were like am i too old is it too late am i ever going to get there i've been trying for ages i think just keep going really and like i said in in last week's video it really is all about following your own path there's a phrase or a saying isn't there that um something about a door and if this door isn't meant for you it won't open and i think that's really really true and sometimes you can try and get in and try and go in a certain direction and it really doesn't work for you and you can't work out why it works for one person and you're doing something that you think is similar or you feel it's the right thing to do but you just kind of trying to get in this door and it won't open for you and maybe it's because it's the wrong door or maybe it's because it's the wrong time for the door to open could be either of those things it comes back to that whole thing that i was talking about last week about really really soul-searching about what your heart desires about what feels right for you so i think things are much harder for for artists and creators these days because of the influence and loudness and constant chatter of social media and it's not in a good way at all and i would definitely put the one piece of advice i gave in last week's video into action here with in the same way in the sense of close it all off shut it all down and then go deep within go quiet i've really changed my social media habits over the last six months nine months and i'm really really noticing a difference um i haven't got that constant loud chatterbox um or the multitasking so things taking me off task i like to focus on one thing specifically my paintings that's my top priority right now and if i've been scrolling in the morning yeah it really puts me puts me off distracts me too much i definitely don't go on facebook anymore i very rarely dip in there and the other thing i've been doing is um switching off any social media or not going on the internet on a sunday a little bit on a saturday because i do usually have a little bit of work to finish on a saturday morning so i do need my computer then but then i don't look at the internet unless it's for fun stuff just for me which is completely different to work and that's really helped me on my journey really to help me really go within and not be influenced by things that are going on around there and i think this is partly the reason why i'm doing these little canvases with just a flower on to really simplify what i'm doing and just come back to basics if you like so it's like for example isn't it when if you're not if you've not been feeling well um you need to come back to your basics of you know am i drinking enough good water am i getting enough rest and sleep enough fresh air enough good food you know come back down to those basic things and i feel like that about my art at the moment so yeah i don't know where these flowers are going to lead me but certainly helping me loosen up but at the same time they're helping me improve my painting skills as well and i'm really observing and trying really really hard and um yeah i've realized this week of something that um maybe i'd forgotten and that is how hard painting is and you become so used to painting the subject matter that you are used to painting so for me that's faces but even with the faces i feel that i could take them much much further than i do and i'm really dissatisfied with the way my art's turning out at the moment but again that that's okay with me i mean i wouldn't say i enjoy that feeling because i much prefer to be looking at my work and being really happy with it but at the same time i do recognize it's part of the process for me now to have these periods where i sort of dip into um i kind of dip into the darkness if you like so i know this is normal for me and it's nothing to be worried about even though it's not entirely comfortable and it's definitely a challenge and yesterday i got into the studio i basically procrastinated for about two hours and i did do some sort of general ad mini tasks so i wasn't just sat doing nothing but i didn't really achieve anything and i certainly didn't start painting until about half past 11 and then just before i started painting i kind of took a tea break and i was doing that thing where i was just like really drawing out the process to make it even more painful yeah i was going to go home about 12 o'clock and then i thought let's just start painting um some of the backgrounds so i did that and then once i'd done that i kind of felt more in the mood so i'll turn the camera around now and then i can show you a little bit of what i'm working on and maybe talk to you a little bit about the challenges i'm currently facing see if you can relate there we go there's my painting area and if i just move the camera basically this the art nouveau um painting there if i just need to move my journal hang on yes all this has started really because of this painting i did and it's basically a reproductive reproductive it's basically a reproduction of a paul bathon painting and i copied it from my art nouveau book which is just sitting behind the painting and i really got into the whole process of the outlining of it and the lovely layers and things like that and the other thing i really got into were the lilies and the flowers painting flowers and then i went on to painting a load of flowers in my art journal um and then i came back to an older painting i'm going to set the lamps in the way there we go see that now yes this older painting so i've redrawn her out um to do a side study as well which i think i'm going to do in watercolor and colored pencils and then i completely changed this painting last no not last week the week before so instead of a really messy background i won't put my hand in the way because the focus will change sorry so yeah instead of a really messy background i have blocked that mostly in and then i've added some flowers into there as well i really find just having a face in a painting it's just not enough interest for me anymore so i like to add in some flowers i'm thinking that's the direction that i want to go in and then the other thing that i really really love painting is the mermaids so i'm going to continue with the mermaids because they tend to have fishy things around them so i don't get so i don't know i just feel that one little face in a picture just isn't quite enough for me anymore so that brings me on to these little flowers the little studies yes so i started doing these a few weeks ago maybe maybe even a month ago the ones on paper and then a couple of weeks ago i decided to do some canvases as well i like working on the canvas surface and i like the um size and the fact that it's a square so i'm just doing a single flower on each one and i'm trying out different techniques and this is all all this project from the from the art nouveau start to finish and what i've done on here and my process with the flowers so if you want to see the painting process for all of that that's all you'd need to join the patreon and the tier you'd need to join is the backstage past tier and then for the art journaling flowers you would need the pockets here so that's where you can find those so what am i going to do today then i have got two blank canvases there and then one that's got um the colored ground on already and i'm going to get painting now and see where today takes me [Music] so i think i'm going to call it a day for today it's about 1 15 i think i've done a couple of hours painting um if you can call it painting i kind of wiped everything off and started again about 70 times but uh yeah it's just been one of those days again so same as yesterday i've been struggling a bit with my painting c'est la vie i suppose and i've got um yeah and that's the one that's yeah i've wiped off and um that's the one i persevered with although yeah i'm still not really happy with them that one either and i think this one that i did yesterday has probably got the most potential um for me but um and i do still like elements of that one up there because it's so loose and fresh that one so i don't know where this flower power thing is going to take me but yeah it's really interesting process and i'm pushing through some barriers of resistance and throwing the towel in i'm just going to keep going i think so james is going to come and pack some orders now because i think we've got quite a few orders so he's going to kindly do those for me and then i can go home and do the editing and i'm getting hungry so i need to go and have some dinner and i didn't bring any dinner with me with today so i'm not very organised at least i tried though at least i did my best and i can come in tomorrow morning and yeah confront it all again and i've got got one little blank one to confront in the morning and then the rest of them are now part way through so i can make additions if i uh i feel a must okay i'm gonna go get james now [Music] [Music] so i didn't make it into the studio the next day the wednesday i just have some days where i simply can't face the world and it all feels too complicated and confusing out there with the huge potential for me to become unbearably overwhelmed by it all for me i don't think it's because the uk are coming out of lockdown this week although not fully they're doing it gradually but a lot more things are open now so in turn life feels a lot more open this part feels really good and i sense a much needed sense of freedom and possibility in the air i think for me it's much more to do with energy levels and like i said at the end of last week's video my struggle to find a work-life balance not just the active and doing parts of life but also navigating the natural ebbing and flowing of the creative mind choosing when to work and when to rest that inhale exhale part the work part i've obviously talked about in this week's video with regards to me feeling like i'm at a crossroads with my art at the moment and anything i do i'm not quite happy with yet i feel a change of direction is coming but it's new territory and i'm uncertain how to move forwards at the moment the life part is mainly me going within at the moment and since the new moon in the small hours of monday morning i have been dreaming so much the kind of dreams that feel like they are the important message carrying type so in sunday's sleep time i was reliving memories of guilts and shames everything i've ever done wrong everything i've done or said all the unintentional hurts i have caused and being someone who finds the need to process and release emotions regularly i'm only too familiar with the lowest vibrational energy of all the emotions shame i call it the shame shutdown because it seems to just shut me down like a computer crashing then monday and tuesday i was reliving memories of everything that has happened to me from others actions the things that are out of my control where you feel you may have been treated unfairly when you think you're doing the right thing but others don't see it that way the saddest memories came up from the depths of the depths all that sad stuff that makes up life and whilst it made me feel tired and weary i also know that sometimes more layers are ready to be released and that's a good thing i saw a quote this morning from dumbledore in harry potter of all places but it seems appropriate happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light and this reminds me of a gift my mum gave me before we set out on our travels we stayed in their caravan for three weeks to spend some time there before we left we did a lot of laundry together as she was running a b b and hanging every sheet to prepare the clean beds was an absolute joy she gave me an owl lamp made of wax with a battery so that i could use it in the van she's a very practical kind of mama bear and it flickered a low yellow light comfortingly like a candle i've still got it beside my bed right now she said she had bought it so i would never be left in the dark and not know where i was so i continue on my quest of trying to keep my lights bright and in order to do this i must recognize when i need time out from life and to rest and so that's why i stayed home on wednesday took a long morning walk with james and then retreated to the safe comforts of the bed office i hope you find some time this weekend to slow down rest and recharge too sending lots of love and big soft hugs thank you so much for watching and keeping me company in this strange land that is youtube and i'll see you in the next one [Music] you

Channel: The Unexpected Gypsy

Views: 33,728

Rating: 4.9532814 out of 5

Keywords: mixed media art, art for mental health, art for self care, mixedmediapainting, art journaling, sketchbook journals, art journal ideas, art rituals, patreon, artist studio, self care, artist vlogs, journaling, grey hair transition, how to get over artist blocks, I dont like my art, i dont like my art style, i dont like my art, work life balance, trying to get into the creative zone, creative flow, cant find my creative flow, making bad art, what if my art is bad

Id: sjfeYMkl-tQ

Length: 25min 25sec (1525 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 16 2021