-All right.
We're checking out the only game where the only multiple-choice answer to all of life's problems
is B for baseball bat, it's Sneak Thief. So, yeah in Sneak Thief you get to be
the worst thief in the world. How do you complete all of your tasks? Well. I'd like to take
the opportunity to mention, she said that she was overworked,
and she's sleeping. Both of these guys,
they're like, "Doesn't look that way." Grab the diamond
and you're on your way. Is my prize for being a terrible person
a violent chicken? This game's amazing. And as you can imagine,
you can begin to upgrade various things. Although, I'm not sure
how much stealth matters when you're just beating
everyone to death. Let's do speed. I don't think I've ever been
to a more self-absorbed museum. Look at this, they're like, "Hey,
have you seen our diamond collection? How about the diamond collection? It's right next to
over rip banana collection." Oh, it's legit like a golden banana
I'm stealing now? What kind of squid game-level path
do you have to go across to get there? Again, I feel like my steal score
doesn't really matter when I'm fixing
all of life's problems like this. [ding] Sweet gold-plated potassium. Oh, yay. I've decided I'm going to be
the least stealthy person ever. I'm not- I'm not putting anything in this. I'm just going straight speed. Oh, yeah. It wasn't long
before they gave me the taser. Although I may have also picked it off
of someone's body. I love how the priceless works of art
are just like MS Paint finger paintings with such fantastic sculptures as this is a really angry golden bear. I love how-- Wow, this thing has some distance. Can you even catch me? Hold on. I think this thing shoots further
than this guy can see me. [chuckles] Do I get to keep the hat? How you doing there, Yogi? He's like, "Well, the two guys
that were supposed to protect me are dead, so I'm not great." Hey, don't worry. I'm not here to--
I'm not here for you today. I love how all the art in this place
makes absolutely no sense. It's like a clip, art football,
a sad fish, and then some sand dunes. What am I even stealing? I think the best part of this is if this pot isn't actually valuable
it's what's inside. Like there's some dead person's ashes. Oh, all right.
All right, well, first things first, let us go ahead and bring out
the violent chicken more speed, obviously. Is this is a golden avocado? [laughs] Where's my chicken. Oh, maybe I switched the chicken
for the bat. Well, that's unfortunate. I have to get caught just
so I can get the chicken back. Take me to jail. [laughs] I can't stop
murdering people. I didn't do it on purpose. Am I legitimately stealing an avocado? Is that what I'm doing? What is this?
It's like a diamond-plated avocado? I'm the strangest thief
in all the universe. Oh. Oh yes. Oh, the chicken is mine. Violent. [sound] The sound it makes. Oh, lasers.
So, if you step on the lasers, do I legit get fried? Let's find out. [sound effects] Oh, you can bribe. [laughs] You're not getting my money. Chicken. I love how like unfulfilling
the chicken is when it hits. You expect it to be this really
hearty flap, and it's just like a, "eh." Also, that dude's arm
is horrifyingly broken. I just realized that,
and it is giving me empathetic pain. What am I stealing now?
Is that a golden toilet? Like a golden roll of toilet paper. It totally is. Oh, the pointlessness. More speed. You don't need stealth
when you're the flash. Watch. See?
[screams] [chuckles] I'm unstoppable. I love how at this point,
I'm just basically stealing more weapons to abuse people with. More speed. I'm like the wind baby. If the wind just existed
to violently beat people over the head. I don't care about your lasers,
I can run like a two-minute mile. I wanna get so fast,
I don't even wanna walk. I eventually just wanna open up
spatial disturbances and like get slurped through
time-space continuums. With the vase. What do a football,
and a banana have in common? They're both witnesses
to a horrifying crime. I love that this guy fell over
like leaning against the wall. Oh, he rated
my assassination attempt, too. He gave me a four out of five. That's pretty good. All right. Today we have stolen a My Little Pony
made out of velveeta cheese. More speed. I'm getting-- Watch this,
I'm gonna go through this in one shot, the whole thing. Ready? Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.
Now. Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go. Ah, I thought I could do it. Do I eventually get like
the kamehameha, or something? All right, just climb
through the vent and death. Where am I getting
all these pots from? Does this like do anything, or? You guys couldn't have gotten like
a slightly smaller, less obvious camera. This camera's the size of a VCR
from the 1990s. I guess I'll just walk past the gigantic
blood spray all over the floor. All right. And we got the talisman of depression,
which now opens up this chop. Okay. I told you I would be able
to eventually open up a warm hole. I actually can. Okay, so now the lasers
are moving up and down. I love how I just walk out
with my hand straight in front of me,
like I'm getting ready to shake hands with everyone I meet. Except my handshake, murders people. And I'm glad I'm really short
otherwise, I would've hit that laser. Ah, yes, today we're stealing
Star Wars, A New Hope on laserdisc. Eventually, you get a WWE chair, okay. More speed. All right,
I haven't chopped anyone in a while here. All right. Now, I wanna get you to die
against a wall, if at all possible. Could you like walk over this way,
good sir? Hey. Hey, you smell delicious. Come here. I can't even get caught
if I wanted to. I'm Sonic The Hedgehog
with anger management issues. Out of the way. Ugh. What is this? Smells like a vial
of melted lucky charms marshmallows. Is that a human being just chilling out
inside of a stasis capsule? I feel like the story arc here
is getting very dark. So, are you guys-- I can't get through this. Not like you guys are doing a great job. All right. Let me see if I can get
this guy lean against the wall. Wait for it. Yeah, you-- Ah, I wanna make them sit against
all of the heavy machinery. Yep. There's two guys chilling in giant tubes
with lemon-lime Gatorade. Not my problem. What is this dinosaur? What is this,
the last known flop disc? It probably actually is worth something. Probably got a bunch
of nudie pictures on it, but they all look like
they're from the original saga genesis because it only fits like 10K on here. I think, you know,
what's happening, more speed. You know, instead of putting
people inside of tubes, it would've been good
to just get more cops, 'cause I feel like the ones that we have
aren't really doing their job. Half the population is
in test tubes these days. What is this? It's like a piece of anti-matter? I just have to reaffirm, I haven't done
one single piece of sneaking. I haven't snuck anywhere. -Watch out, watch out, watch out, oh.
-I'm just killing everyone. I beat that man with a chair,
and his friend didn't hear it. Great. It's Captain America's shield,
but it's like the dollar tree version. People are gonna be like,
"Where did you get that at shield?" and I'll be like, "I got it next
to the game laundry detergent at the dollar store." You eventually get
the Minecraft's pickaxe. It's not even really the Minecraft. Do I have to kill this man,
or can I just walk past him? Let me just try and walk past him. There. Look at that, that was my first piece of sneaking. How do you like that? No survivors. I actually feel kind of bad because I did not have to turn
that man's hypothalamus inside out. Hey, hey, I got a question for you. What has four legs and is responsible
for 280 job openings at the local museum? [drum] I love how every single person
falls like Peter Griffin. Like they always fall
with their arms broken. Although this guy looks
like he's like half dabbing. Get dabbed on. Did someone just clone all of you guys? I know I've seen
that mustache before. Ah, yes. The thing I've always wanted
to steal from their museum, three radioactive samples
of elephant urine. More speed. [mimics] I didn't even stop moving. Top secret. Great. I came in here,
killed a bunch of people and all I got was Bill Gates'
divorce papers. Sir, don't look at me. Don't do it. Don't do it. Not you, too. Ah, an overpriced alien wear laptop. Fantastic. Oh, finally. There's only one tool left
with which to beat people with. I must find out what it is. I love how the ventilation system exists
for no other reason than as an elevator for me. There wasn't even like
a guy here to stop me. Oh. What is this?
I've never been trapped before. Are you a highly
competent professional? I wonder if I can run him down
before he actually catches me. Hold on. Ready? I wanna see. Let's see if I can-- Ready? This is like-- Go. Ah. No survivors anymore. I learned my lesson. All right, go ahead and solid snake this. Is that just a tiny person in a jar? It's like a human-flavored coffee pot. How big is this level? Ah, all of my life's work
has culminated to this. What is it you ask? It's killing people with vitamin B12. That looks so unbelievably uncomfortable. Was that the hat? I hit this man with that fish so hard
his hat left the atmosphere. Not gonna lie this fish
really packs a punch. There. [chuckles] That guy totally
could've apprehended me. What is this tiny piano for? Is this just in case my cat wants
to take up an instrument? [chuckles] Well, all right. Well, I guess I became a thief, but all I did was put
all my points in speed and leave a giant wake
of bodies behind me. Anyway folks, hope you enjoyed
this episode of Sneak Thief. Till the next time.
Stay foxy, and much love.
