I Evolved Humans in the Worst Ways Possible - God Simulator

so we're checking out the only game where you get to evolve the human race to have mutated crying sperm it's God simulator more mutated sperm dammit in gods simulator you play a god that snorted a ton of methamphetamine and as such you have to answer stupid questions in order to create a race of people the questions are incredibly stupid and yes there is actually crying mutated sperm once you've answered all the questions the game will show you exactly what kind of race of human people you ended up with and how they managed to live their lives in a game where all the answers are stupid anyway obviously our job is to make the worst race of human beings we possibly can and see if they all end up killing each other a race of people made from gross stupidity and alcoholism can only be named one thing the Florida it was meant to be because notice that there's exactly enough characters to make this work so in making your people you need to decide whether or not to give them these cocaine Laden x-men sort of special abilities or you know making them somewhat normal with the knob button to give you some idea our very first potential thing that we can give our people is beginning civilization with basic plumbing skills however the secret police execute anyone unclean anytime you ever see a policy with quotation marks around it that means that it's intentionally vague so that the people can kill anyone they want it's a lot like the YouTube Terms of Service whatever lets you tube it up make it so next our Florida men can have chameleons like camouflage skin however they have terrible memory and lose their babies at first I laughed at this but then I realized that a camouflage baby would be like the most stressful thing in the entire planet please make the Florida people have this look like teenagers their whole adult life let's spend the first 10 years as a screaming baby this is actually going to collaborate really well with the last one actually if we pick both of these doesn't this mean that no one's ever going to make it past like the age of 10 wait maybe this will cause everyone to survive because while their camouflage will technically be screaming the whole time I just saved my entire race have stilt legs that grow as they age but old people who live in the clouds stomping on kids we're basically turning people into camouflage flamingos I actually can't think of a better fate for the Florida man make it so the Florida men have psychic powers to communicate but are chronically obese and extremely judgmental great we get to be depressed intolerant overweight professor X's Shore respect life and refuse to eat animal meat but are cannibals and hunt people what's it here I'm waiting for the next rule that makes the year's only one day long so basically we're just cannibals all the time this is a conundrum because aren't people technically animals or whatever the Florida men do what they want have fruit with 100% of their daily nutrition but they have no taste buds I'm not giving up my cannibalism for this the Florida men have guns it was on their planet but their untamable and they attack every year both of these sound awful but if we're making the worst race I guess we have to pick it can go invisible for up to 24 hours but will explode if two invisible people touch just reading this makes me realize that there would be a lot of death between husbands and wives that would suck if this was uncontrollable because you would be like in mid sexy time and then suddenly potentially both people could go invisible and there would just be a shower of invisible meat flying all over the place yeah why not have delicious nutritious farts but often become far addicted and homeless why are they sleep blood these two things correlate great farts are addictive and cause homelessness they're basically like cocaine sure the Florida men have brains twice as large as humans that ain't real but headaches often explode ones heavy yes please massive boobs men too but are never aroused and rarely have kids this is the worst future I can ever think of this game gives you a life expectancy when you make your race our life expectancy is gonna be like six months I mean I have to allow this to happen live alongside intelligent dinosaurs but were once enslaved by the dinosaur population so wait they're still there are over powered intelligent over lords are still around but we just coexist with them because they allow it they're probably watching our every move they make sure that we we stay just compensated enough to barely live it's basically like working in retail probably an end up saying yes almost everything the Florida men have balls twice the size of Huey's hell yes but have golf ball-sized crying sperm there it is I knew it was in here somebody I don't even want to think of the trauma that would be caused by golf ball-sized sperm see what you don't know is it's not actually the sperm crying it's the person don't worry though no one ever gets aroused so it's fine live in the fourth dimension and time travel how Carl Sagan would be happy struggle to build society and are suicidal Carl Sagan would be sad I'm pretty sure at this point this is a given considering all the horrible things that I've forced upon the populace so far but I guess I can make a bad thing even worse live on a planet with low gravity but occasionally drift into space and explode if I pick this there's now three ways for our people to explode their heads occasionally explode if they're bolt invisible and they touch they explode and now every once in a while someone just doesn't come back down to earth can clone themselves without side effect this is actually really good for the cannibalism we can grow our own food now each clone is twice as smart and aggressive that's awesome with each Xerox Florida man gets stronger and smarter and more cannibalistic begins civilization being able to read and write but our fear slavers even slaving their children I don't even know if they can have children they can't get aroused at their golf ball-sized sperm cry all the time whatever why not we've screwed everything up so bad at this point have an unrivaled ability to learn but only eat food they've never tried and poof you know how they say no two people are the same that's why we've turned to cannibalism at this point your options for sustenance are either eating people with giant heads and testicles or eating [ __ ] just when my race thinks things can't get any worse you're wrong the Florida men are amazing singers famous across based but they have explosive Tourette's and spark war this is real this is a real thing now we're getting closer to the actual Florida men they despise war and celebrate collaboration but they have the death penalty for all crimes god this reminds me of that in peached game I want this as a pill this is real by the way yeah in Florida yeah we just have the death penalty for all crimes the problem is in Florida nothing's a crime that's why Florida man does such ridiculous to Florida men are natural athletes with perfect bodies honed by years of chugging Bud Light but kill themselves when all the Apes I think we're already suicidal in a different one of these that's right you can look at Florida man eating his burgers and drinking his beer and wonder how does he keep his six-pack abs it's because he sacrificed his will to live absolutely have babies by planting sperm in the ground why is this like the good thing it's probably because no one on this planet has sex but human weed hybrids terrorize the planet this would pick this even if I go if I wasn't going for the worst people these are both bad two are asexual and do not desire romance but are ruled by a ruthless cat Emperor this is because there's nothing romantic about planting golf ball-sized crying sperm in the ground maybe the cat Emperor will keep everyone alive longer than three months the Florida men can shape-shift to their heart's content sand how everyone gets to be an alligator but they frequently murder each other in fear honestly they probably murder each other in fear anyway the only difference is now they can murder each other looking like six packs of natty light the Florida men begin the civilization with domesticated cows but the cows can talk and plot a revolution honestly after the eight-week reign of the Florida men someone needs to take over the planet and put it to good use develop an AI partner for society okay but 99% of the ai's time is spent watching porn this is awesome all it is is x-rated Skynet the only thing I fear is that the AI will never take over the world because it won't get anywhere the Florida men suffer no diseases or illnesses this is actually because a lot of us are pickled from years of alcoholism let's see each other as a disease in need of a cure I think at this point this is the most violent race that could ever be made by a god was it like seven different reasons now for everyone to want to kill each other and I think two different reasons of why they want to just kill themselves the Florida man can shoot lasers from their eyes and mouths but sneeze is accidentally culprit when I say like seven different ways to kill each other let's make it eight the Florida men can read huge books in barely a minute but go into a coma if surprised while reading I actually have to say not to this because I don't want us to have any level of intelligence the Florida men have a metallic bone structure but we'll start rusting up once 50 years old you never gonna make it to 50 so sure why not Florida and have the most beautiful appearance but are illiterate and xenophobic racist this is interesting considering we'd be living with intelligent cows dinosaurs and have a ruler that's a cat so sure the Florida men are your loyal devoted slaves this must be from the God perspective but all the smart or hot ones try to kill ya 99% of their time is spent with violence anyway the only thing in this society that's not violent 99% of the time is the AI because all it's doing is watching porn have bird-like wings and love to fly Alex Eagles but have uncontrollable explosive diarrhea also like seagulls the Florida men are unable to lie or deceive but have short tempers and always want to fight both of these sound really real it's less about being unable to lie or deceive it's more about being too drunk to do it this is real though Twitter keeps linking me the Florida man that sexually abused the blow-up Olaf so I can't think of a better god law to put in action the Florida men have the ability to communicate with ghosts but they sacrifice children and animals to other gods everything here is awful so we're absolutely picking it Plus now those bastard cows finally get what's coming to them you shall forever be known as the Moody God what the hell hell's my population so high average life span 66 years average mood and different average IQs tense Society type Anarchy Hale bet the Florida man population is 13,000 95 Billy this God wearing like a bondage out of it I mean I got a d-plus but it's still passing let's see what our history looks like the story of your people human scientists discovered ruins of the Florida man in 3021 archeologists say that what the Florida man lacked in brawn they also lacked in brains their extinction event was the invention of the internet and an inability to stop watching porn as every skeleton was found at the computer doing that the Florida men reveled in the fruits of their illustrious society for many millennia until a star fell from the sky onto their home world shot from a distant enemy they rallied a massive army to fight back but as a weak people everyone died in training and they went extinct as a species hold on a second what the hell happens if you just don't choose any of the answers at all if you've just not everything will they have any history at all so I chose nothing and I got the pathetic God the population is only 5 billion every life since 20 years I let go being violent bastards gives you a better life span than having absolutely no ambitions at all average mood is insane like you still 10 and the society type of still Anarchy the eat Lords had all the hallmarks of a great people but couldn't survive long enough to even build a nation they could barely build it down before the population died of old age now sold like rabbits and intergalactic pet stores the yet Lord still wonder well we did it we created a race that could only masturbate and died of depression and complete indifference everything a race of shape-shifting cannibalistic depressive judgmental telepaths and that is the true history of Florida anyway folks hope you enjoyed this episode of gods simulator till next time stay foxy much long

Channel: GrayStillPlays

Views: 3,049,319

Keywords: Simulation Games, graystillplays, gray still plays, greystillplays, simulator, tycoon funny, simulator funny moments, funny clips, funny moments, game of life, life simulator, life sim, god simulator, god sim, god simulator game, god simulator games, evolve human, human evolution, worst human evolution, life simulator game, evolution simulator, evolution game, evolution game human

Id: 3i8QptfkOs0

Length: 13min 5sec (785 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 19 2019