I Can’t Believe I Did This To Myself (emotional reaction) 💔

remember all the stories and talking about how I lost so much weight you know I I've said that I've had the worst day of my life because I have and after I lost my grandpa I um I kind of also lost like a big chunk of myself my grandpa he thought I was perfect the way that I was before like why are you doing this make any excuse possible to not eat I would do anything in my power to not eat I was so hungry I remember like the headaches that I used to get thank God that I got through the really rough patch I was going through I'm so happy that I figured out what's actually important in life and I really hope by making this video I'm helping one of you guys out today is going to be really fun basically I just went on my good old Tik Tok and I searched up some places that would be fun to eat and egg tuck egg tuck egg Tech came up so I was like let's go I like eggs and I like tucking things so let's go we are here EG Tu egg tuck tular because it's like viral on Tik Tok I love eggs I love Tu tux exactly that's why we're going to go in here and just like see what's going on it's literally viral and I'm literally a fiend for viral stuff yeah Piper loves eggs first of all and whenever you go on Tik Tok there's places here so much stuff we went through the menu everything looks so good but we just like stuck to the basics and got the regular egg [Music] sandwich [Music] for taste test I'm actually really excited uh like at least like a year ago this time I was so afraid to try new things and experience stuff and I really like to link food with memories and you make a lot of memories by eating food with people and also like food is like such an exciting part of life like you're telling me that we're supposed to live life without like trying new food and stuff look at that that I would like buy that's like oh my God I've seen this legitimately all over Tik Tok this is fat that is huge my God my makeup's about to get freaked up yo that actually like breakfast ready 3 2 1 right Piper basically Cooks this for us every morning so I'm curious It's good yeah like would you rather have this or your breakfast I like my breakfast but this is really good okay okay is it all over my face no I yeah that is a lot of eggs if you're like a gym bro I recommend this for sure look at all that protein well ever here in the Hollywood area I would try it 30 g of protein in just this this is insane she oh God damn oh damn no that is so good that is busting and the bread is like perfect yeah know that's phenomenal we also got these are called egg tots potater tot oh my God much I don't like all the sauce on that but I'm not going to lie I'm going to give egg tuck like a 8 and 1 12 out of 10 okay pretty good no that wins in my book this is amazing this is actually so good like it's still it's still in my mouth all the hype on Tik Tok I think you I think I deci it's really good yeah yeah no Tik Tok was right so shout out to that a little bit of breakfast we can't have breakfast without coffee I'm like don't even talk to me if I don't have my coffee so we went to Alfred's coffee because it's really popular going to be honest I literally just went on Tik Tok and searched have fun things to do in LA and Alfred's coffee was like really high up there and I've only been there like literally one time in my whole life [Music] cuz let's just get their world famous [Applause] [Music] latte about the world famous ha latte okay so this is just H latte but they're known for their matcha I saw in there you can get matcha kit to like gift someone so kind of cool it's good it's coffee it's good it's good it's like on like Starbucks versus this what would you rather have I like my own prop better though Starbucks or this what would you rather have this this okay friend all right but we're going to go live on fana TV live now speaking of like other apps if you guys aren't following Piper on Snapchat hit her up like seriously um and I think you also respond to people there too you communicate I do I I answer questions I communicate I'm very active on there she won't brag about it but I will like the first few days she started this she got like 120 million views on Snapchat what what that's crazy like literally my brother who like he's not really like doesn't really follow any of this he saw you on his Snapchat that's crazy you like seeing the travel Vlogs or you like seeing all the bikin she wears you guys can check her out we're going we're actually traveling like to three places really really soon hope I say I love these sculptures because they don't have ABS like look at this tummy look at this it looks like you what hey no that's better looking than me they got nicer knees since we're venturing around La what what what what let's go to the thrift shop Okay so we're on M rose right now I haven't been on Mose since so long where is my plan uh this way let me tell everyone about the most embarrassing story okay so I went to I'm Coco you know that place it's like that really famous store like where all the cute girls go and get their stuff and it's so expensive and I was like okay I'm going to get a few things so I had everything on the cash register I go up there my card gets declined and like that's like not like something to like be sad about but like it was like the lady was so rude about she was like oh your CS declined and I was like oh I'm sorry she's like make sure you check the prices before you come to pay I was like all right well this is it supposedly it's like the best joint no I've been here before it's all right let's do it so like I remember when I used to go thrifting all the time I would only go for the pants cuz I was obsessed with pants for some reason yo the pants are actually crazy guess how much it is guys guess how much $98 what the freak yeah that's actually insane I could just make these so cute there are so many crazy pants this is a disco ball this is a cow yo all right we're going to play a game I'm going to ask Piper how much she thinks this is if you were to guess how much do you think this is 300 300 no no way too much oh 100 yeah it's $150 and there's a bag that's five times bigger than this worth [Music] 75 if you guys don't already know which I talk about her all the time and she's in like almost every single one of my Tik toks potcake she is amazing and I love her so much but she's actually not been to an actual Beach since we brought her home from the Bahamas so I thought it would be kind of fun to make a Tik Tok and also take her to the beach for the first time okay so this is p Cake's first ever time at the beach since she's like not been in the Bahamas I'm going to make this tighter cuz I'm scared she's going to pull it off and then she's like never going to come back to me I'm really nervous all right we're going to go let's go yeah she's there's a lot going on she waging her tail she's happy she's like over happy let's get her reaction see if she like jumps for Joy are you ready to touch your toes in the sand let's go to the beach beach it's like she can smell the ocean I literally ha it here I just want to go home all right all right ready ready ready ready ready fre she's oh yeah she she likes it actually huh that's good oh look at her she's like yeah yo Pake oh oh this isn't normal for dogs is it okay her tail is like the most up I've have seen it yeah she likes it it's like bent wo her tail look at it she's like so happy what do you think I'm at to [Music] [Music] be [Music] so I came here to do a Tik Tok and that's it a Tik Tok and I dip yeah I come I do TI people come to the beach to hang out in the water playing the sand yeah this is actually yo shout out to boy Murphy because he would be picking this crap up this is for Murphy yeah and like this is also ridiculous cuz like look how many trash cans there are there's literally a trash can every 10 ft also I kind of like witnessed like something go down in history while we were at the beach Elon mus elong musk of Tesla easier but we elong musk elong musk he launched a SpaceX to crazy launch Master 69,000 into the air and for those of you who aren't smart enough to know what that means it's a spaceship yo that's [Music] crazy oh there it goes again another player that's so cool there is literally a rocket going to space guys now it's time to um address the elephant in the room talk about something that I wanted to talk about for a while I hope you guys enjoy it please don't get too sad and also don't feel bad for me it's completely normal I want to hopefully maybe actually help someone out there it's actually time to get to the point of the video the clickbait the elephant in the room or whatever something that I've really not wanted to talk about but I feel like it's time and it's been long enough healed from it enough and thought about words to explain it in a smart intelligent way we're going to get into a little bit about how I've changed okay I've changed in a lot of ways I've changed you know mentally physically just my life has changed a lot and unfortunately I can't help it being changed as much as it has been changed but there's nothing I can do and I think that it's actually for the best because it's really helped me realize that nothing's in my control and whatever ever happens I just have to learn to react to the situation in the correct way um I've talked about it before when I was around like 5 or 6 I had a like semi- eating disorder and it was um you know it was it was difficult I guess but when I was younger I didn't really see it as like I wanted to be skinnier I guess I just I don't know what it was when I was younger but when I was 14 years old when it started happening more when I kind of came back and I kind of like relapsed I guess you can say um I remember vividly it happening after my grandpa passed away and after I lost my grandpa I um I kind of also lost like a big chunk of myself I honestly after that I didn't really know who I was I didn't know what I was doing here I didn't know anything like that and you know a death a a a death of someone that you love and you know it's going to happen one day cuz we're all going to die and you've been thinking about it your whole entire life and then it actually happening is just absolutely terrible it's nothing that you can ever like you know I I've said that I've had the worst day of my life because I have it was losing him I wish every day that I could you know see him again and I could cry and cry and cry about it for as long as I possibly could but it's not going to change anything a few months before my grandpa passed away I also had um a very life threatening [Music] situation occur and you know it's still occurring to this day but there's nothing I could do about it and I've actually you know I forget about it a lot and then I get reminded and I it's whatever it's you know life is hard and I don't know why people make it harder for other people I really don't know but the moral of the story is I'm talking about how I lost so much weight I basically relapsed my eating disorder and it you know it got pretty bad and um I didn't notice what I was doing to myself very much but you it was very slow but it was also really quick at the same time so I remember for my 15th birthday I was still pretty like upset and lost without my grandpa because it was my first birthday without him and yeah it was it was okay I guess and I think while I was 15 or something it just in that whole year I kind of just really lost myself I would make any excuse possible to not eat I would do anything in my power to not eat and you know I I didn't like throw up my food or anything I would and I I know that it's like trigger triggering for a lot of people but you know I've been there and I know that it's something that you can't control like you think that you're in control but it's absolutely like you're so out of control that you don't even know what you're doing and how you're hurting your family around you cuz I was constantly stressing about you know what I was eating and how I was going to cover up what I didn't eat and where I was going to hide the food that I spit into a abin and you know it was I guess it kind of gave me something else to think about um I guess that's why I did it and it felt like something that I could just that I had that nobody else knew about except for me you know I only knew what I was doing and it was like so hurtful to myself and nobody could really pull me out of it they tried a lot and you know I would just act like no I'm fine guys I'm fine guys like I'm fine you know you guys would start you know commenting about it and then like people thought that I liked that you guys were commenting about it but it's not like that's why I was doing it like I didn't think that I was going to get so skinny and you know like lose a lot of things you know I didn't think that I was going to lose everything I did it's not really like no one can really understand unless you know you've been through it of course but everyone goes through it in different ways and I didn't want to tell you guys because I didn't want to and I was scared I was embarrassed it's an embarrassing thing to talk about cuz it's like stupid like are you kidding me like that's you know like I think I was growing to be a really bad person it's so stupid to think about the things that I was scared of and stuff and you knowing that I'm never ever going to escape it and this is my forever life and I'm never going to know anything else but this that and it was also really hard because I was mixing two things that I really love I love Fitness and I guess I at the time I really like loved my weird habits you you know what I mean so I was mixing those and it just wasn't working you know I wasn't eating a lot I was working out and it just wasn't doing anything and I thought I was doing something but it wasn't doing anything just and I would weigh myself all the time like all the time all the time it was like nonstop just you know you never know what someone could be going through so really just don't judge them there's no reason to judge them the reason why I'm bringing this up again is because I'm hoping that in me in light of me doing this I could possibly be helping someone out there that is like scared to eat eat and scared to eat something that they used to enjoy for so long I would do whatever I possibly could I oh no I'll go home to eat I missed out on so many times with my friends because all I wanted to do was just go home and eat and I would do anything in my power to just not have to eat or just have like a little banana I was so hungry I remember like the headaches that I used to get and like the feeling of it like just like having the headache and being so hungry and just being like you can get through it you can get through it just like you know just keep going just keep going and it's just like oh constant battle in your head and I'm hoping that if you guys are listening to this that you guys will recover if you try the only person that's going to change it is you and you just have to figure out the root of the problem that's what will help you I promise you can get through this and it's not going to be easy and you're going to think it's the end of the world and you're going to think that this is your forever but it's not I gave you guys a few reasons for why this all could have like occurred and I got triggered or whatever and it happened you know my grandpa passing away a huge thing happened in my life a lot of stuff got taken away from me and um I also had two sometimes even three like you know beautiful girls around me all the time and I was I was always like the bigger one and I was always called the thicker one and and and you know it's fine you know I understand that like I was I'm not lying that I wasn't but I guess at some point I kind of got like you know maybe I don't want to be the thick one anymore or the person that's like the biggest one or oh those pants aren't going to fit Piper like you know like or I'm definitely not going to fit into Piper's pants like just made me like you know like I don't think but the same goes for like I probably accidentally did it to other people and they didn't understand you know I would be like oh not going to fit into her jeans you know I probably accidentally did it to other people but everyone self-destructs in their own way and this was my way of self-destruct I was also around people who weren't good mentally either that were also hurting themselves in ways that were just like mine but in different ways you know what I mean like I was hurting myself in like a longdistance thing you know other people were hurting themselves and like in mental health is something that like legitimately everyone goes through so you know it is a daily struggle still to this day I still have those Tendencies but thank God I have a family around me that has helped me through this all and that has really helped me like a ton and I don't know what I would do without them um you know it still follows me to this day but things that I've done to help me is definitely Fitness I do really enjoy working out but I don't enjoy working out for the reasons that I thought I did having a good support system around me helped me a lot having people to be like Piper it's okay nothing bad is going to happen if you eat this like I promise you know what I mean and it's so stupid to think that that's what I used to think that like something bad was going to happen or that I needed to work out extra hard the next day or you know like that's stupid it's so stupid but what I was doing before was legit self sabotage I would legit do anything not to eat I would you know if I had a sandwich I would throw it out the car or something so like I didn't I ate it already you know what I mean like no there's a difference between eating healthy and self-sabotage by thinking you're eating healthy by not eating anything because food is fuel and food helps you live and if you get to a point where you have such little calories each day your body is just going to be used to that and you're going to go into like starvation mode and you're just going to you know slowly kill yourself basically and luckily it never got I mean it could have gotten that bad for me to have to go to a hospital for it but I never let it get that bad you know obviously it was a discussion like you know this keeps going on you're going to go to a doctor and I just did not want that to happen when I was in Australia is when it kind of all changed like um cuz I saw miam and she kind of you know walked me through that she kind of went through the same exact thing and she really helped me and she was also like checking on me most of the time and you know seeing if I was eating and unfortunately while I came back from Australia I did fall back into it really badly like my 16th birthday I kind of like figured out like why why are you doing this like what is do it you know I would just always think about like my Grandpa would not enjoy to see me he thought I was perfect the way that I was before like why are you doing this and like that's the moral of the stories that like you know I still see people to this day like why are you working out you already got skinny like I didn't want my goal wasn't to get skinny and look unhealthy like it wasn't my goal I'm just so sad for the people that I like you know told that I was okay and like I was fine and don't worry about me you know cuz they they were just being nice and trying to help you know they would tell me all the time like this isn't you don't look good like you need to fix yourself and it be like I I look great what are you talking about speaking of that I think we should go through what it used to look like and unfortunately for me if I ever see anything like that on my for you page or Instagram I just scroll past it real quick but it's time to face it because I'm really good at pushing out those feelings that I don't want feel for a while and acting like they didn't even happen so I think it's time that we all should feel you know not push it back first Tik Tok time oh my God Piper you lost a lot of weight Piper you're so skinny now P different be your biggest F and when things are really tough really rough and nothing's working but there's something inside of you that says P then and also something this is reminding me all of my favorite clothes they were not fitting me anymore and it was so sad I was like all of my favorite shirts and all of my favorite pants is that your tour outfit no but this just a random outfit and my tour outfit it would actually get worse and worse and worse because tour was like every like 2 months or every 3 months so I would know that it would get really bad when I would put on my tour clothes and I'd be like oh my God what am I supposed to do and like you know I would kind of be like like so embarrassed and like someone would be like Piper why are your pants so loose I like they must have freaking gotten who wore them last cuz I act like I got stretched out or something they didn't that was actually so awful I actually hated that so much yeah this was like right after my birthday I just like I didn't feel now looking back like it just it's sad that like that person just like doesn't understand what they're doing to themselves you know and everyone's like I hope she's okay I hope she gets better but I don't think anyone actually hopes that like I feel like they're just kind of like they say that you know what I mean cuz they don't understand oh here's a new one yes this is me in the tour the pink outfit and then I was in the red outfit and that video that's why I hate that do cat song so much because I got that as like a like a you know a Tik Tok that I need to do and I did it and I wear someone else's outfit and that was one of the comments and it was also like oh my God what did she do to herself she looked awful like I liked her so much better before and and it's so hard with comments because they're so like indecisive like when I first started losing weight everyone everyone was like oh my God she looks so much better now and then when I lost too much weight everyone was like oh my God she looks so disgusting like oh my God Skin and Bones I used to get called flatus I mean I probably still do but flatus and cuz you know like we're like just like flat or all the time and I understand I was I'm not saying that that's like not true but social media is so weird and that's just to show you guys if you ever you know feel like you're getting hated on for no reason you probably are because social media literally hates on people for no [Music] reason yeah I was really skinny that was right before my birthday i' like reacted to a Tik Tok of that video or to a comment of that video like eating Zach bees and after that Zach be like you know I felt really good about it but also like I had like such bad guilt in my head and I kind of did like this thing where I just like kind of threw it all away and I just ate like a I got binged I just had like a ton of food after that and it was fine I mean I went to my birthday and I was totally fine but there is a um Link in the description for anyone who needs help and honestly I don't know what your family situation is but if you have a family that is around you and they you know they can suspect anything and you think that you don't that you shouldn't tell them or anything I really think that you should it's never going to be perfect unfortunately but try to make it as best as you can can because life is too short to be worrying about calories it really is imagine your last day on Earth and you were stressing about calories there's a difference between being healthy and unhealthy I still like being healthy and I still like eating the correct amount of food because food is fuel unhealthy eating is not eating at all or overeating binging you know what I mean you have to have a healthy relationship with food you really do I'm here if you guys need I've been there before and I love you guys so much and please give this video a like And subscribe and check out my Instagram or my Snapchat if you guys want to see more realistic stuff of my life I love you guys [Music] so

Channel: Piper Rockelle

Views: 445,624

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Id: 6JtumTpXqPQ

Length: 24min 56sec (1496 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 23 2024