Humanity is the Worst Warhammer Race to Live As

well this video did well time to write its coattails selling my values for money not for real though have you ever thought about how much it sucks to be a human in one of the warhammer settings seriously being easy-kite into one of the warhammer human empires be it 40k or fantasy or age of sigmar would be absolutely miserable i'm talking constant pain and despair for 99.999999 of people that's eight nines that's as many nines as my first gamertag had i was like 10 leave me alone honestly though sometimes people say that humanity these settings particularly 40k doesn't really have it that bad and that for the average person things are looking pretty alright and i have to say i really disagree for a number of reasons it sucks to be a human being there it sucks hard let me tell you why first off fantasy i mean it's pretty simple here in britonia for starters because i love [ __ ] on britonia you're a medieval surf as a default state of being you wake up you farm you repair roads and you're thatched hut with one room in it two if you're an extremely wealthy peasant you share this up with your farm animals because there's no affording a barn for them again you're a medieval serf and everything is owned by the lord of the land you pay the vast majority the food you grow and any things you make to said lord in exchange for security and land because medieval life was a nationwide protection racket and fancy armor and the lords treat you like absolute dog [ __ ] you should be honored if one of them walks all over you like a rug because that means the lord paid attention to you long enough to do so if you're really lucky you might be cannon fodder in one of the wars and if you're lucky enough to be a bretonnian noble it isn't much better because you're still at a medieval standard of living things like modern medicine and refrigeration or germ theory are at best crazy talk and at worst going to get someone killed for being a chaos cultist sure you get to feast a lot as a noble but that's still barely anything do you know how much flavor is in that bag of chips you're eating a single dorito chip would kill someone from medieval times they'd go into shock why do you think things like salt and pepper were so goddamn valuable back then food was crap i saw it's not just the ogre in me talking the stuff was bland as hell if you're a human in bretona you're gonna be in for a [ __ ] time if you aren't lucky enough to drink the lady of the lake's gamer girl bathwater and even then you still have to deal with all the trash living conditions around you you just get magically healed and live a little longer if i shot you in the heart but it magically healed you'd still be in pain even if you don't die from it and the empire of man isn't much better the common folk aren't treated quite as poorly but that's offset by the fact that the industrial revolution and its consequences are right around the corner for him the good ol massive wealth inequality horrible factory conditions and other things like horde and squalid living conditions that made karl marx ray that little book of his so at best the empire of man's citizens can look forward to a communist revolution in their future even disregarding that whole end times business same deal for imperial nobles as bretonnian nobles only they don't even get the lady of the lake's piss jar for magical health and life extension did you know that in the gotrick and felix novels felix is treated by a doctor and is shocked when the doctor doesn't use leeches in the for humor school of medicine that's what these people have to look forward to and almost welcome the black death compared to that if you live in either of those two countries you sure as hell are gonna have to deal with a plague every now and then nippon sure exists and that's all i can really say for it same for araby so who the [ __ ] knows what's going on there i'm assuming these countries have the same living situations as above but i guess i can't say for certain tale is right next to skaven blight so had all the fun of being a renaissance era peasant combined with the fact you live next to these things doesn't he look like a friendly neighbor the border princes are the same as taleah only instead of skaven it's orcs and kete lives by the ogres who sometimes like to come out of the mountains and devour a town or twelve for lunch beyond that i'm willing to bet that it's mostly the same as the empire and or britonia only with the added benefit that they're based on chinese history so i can only imagine at least one city in cathay has had its occupants eaten by the military after rations ran out during a siege god i love chinese history when of course humanity has to deal with the occasional raid by beastmen or vikings or rat people with machine guns or elves looking to add to the pile of rape slaves in their dungeon or elves who are theoretically on their side but the humans had the call to ask why an army of elves suddenly showed up in their border so of course the elves had to defend themselves from this wanting act of aggression or attacks from the dwarven allies because a thousand years ago one particular human's ancestor accidentally shorted a dwarf two silver pieces in a trade deal so obviously the whole county had to go or mushrooms and for this video unlike the ogres i'll compare them to the other fantasy races you can really appreciate how suck human lives are first off their close neighbor is the dwarfs i'm not screwing with you dwarfs and fantasy have a damn near perfect immune system it's brought up in once more gotrick and felix the dwarfs were doing the thing where they complain about everything including humans being weak compared to them felix's got some good comebacks in though so that was neat but anyway yeah as a dwarf you're not getting sick so for living conditions that's pretty [ __ ] insane hygiene just isn't an issue but beyond that their lives are pretty comfy or at least comfy in the sense that they care about dwarf holds are pretty damn nice sure they deal with invading orcs and ratmen but that's everyone if everything's going well they're damn near impregnable in a siege and the dwarfs while also in the stage of the industrial revolution are so obsessed with things working right and following osha protocols that their factories for one aren't run by child labor and two they don't run the risk of cutting off some poor bastard's fingers because the owners couldn't be bothered to turn the machine off while it's getting fixed sure if you [ __ ] up you have to join the death cult but even though there's nothing stopping a dwarf from living his best life and drinking and singing across the world's taverns on his way to find something big and scary enough to kill him they also live pretty damn long so you'll have plenty of chances to enjoy life the dwarfs are also a simple people love me minds love meow love me grudging simple as if you're a dwarf it's easy to be content if you're a human you're probably miserable how about the elves well high elves for starters just use magic to fix everything that goes wrong so disease is again a non-issue even teclas with its magical bloodline curse just fixes it with some potions beyond that it's similar to the dwarfs with everything being comfy on ultan in a more traditional sense rather than the dwarven sense of it works so we're happy with it they are depressed as a race because of how far they've fallen but being sad because grandpa was better than you is something he'll take over working at a weapons factory in nolan where the safety rules are to have fun and try not to fall in the molten metal they use to form the cannons as for the dark elves well yeah they don't have the best living conditions for a lot of them but the jukie don't give a [ __ ] about comfort one of the buildings in total warhammer 2 says as much they just care about getting slaves and murdering things slaves which of course are usually human so there's another mark against mankind in these [ __ ] worlds and the wood elves i have no [ __ ] idea man they live in atholorin which is absolutely insane but the forest likes them so they get to have magical woodland fairy lives instead of being murdered by ants except sometimes the ants still murder them because they're angry at them for whatever reason also they sometimes hold hunts where they run down bretonian citizens for a laugh it really sucks to be brittonian of course the wood elves never really complain about it and i'm pretty sure the average wood elf is also batshit insane so they don't care about these downsides use some magic and your mundane problems are gone and any other problems they don't see as problems yeah of course the dryad feast out of my entrails that just happens in athel lauren you know i'm still living it up i made a whole video on my ogre lives are great so if you want that explanation here it is no i don't have any shame thank you for asking from what i gathered age of sigmar is more or less the same for the average person only with the added benefit of whatever you live in being miserable in its own unique way do you live in akshi i hope you don't mind 120 degree heat 24 7. i know there's one city in the room of life that's industrializing so horribly that it chokes the surrounding area with smog 24 7 so there's that one too or you could live in the realm of beasts where you have to contend with the mountain you live on actually being a giant angry turtle god these settings suck for the average person only race were the worst standard of living than humanity or the skaven i was going to try to justify that the skaven in a way don't have it as bad as humanity but even i couldn't bring myself to do that i will say however that humans and rats have very different mindsets about living situations specifically the rats always have the grind set every skaven from the lowliest slave to the graciers think they're the best and they just have to work their way up to being in total control to guide this cave into victory most of them are wrong of course but they still believe this and they're so ambition driven that their position in life is almost irrelevant to them beyond what it allows them to have access to and get away with so no the skavens certainly aren't living better than humans but it also definitely doesn't bother them as much as an equivalent living situation with a human rats stay winning now for 40k and this is the one i wanted to talk about the most because a lot of people seem to think that humanity is living its best life here if they aren't actively in a war zone it isn't humanity in 40k is miserable it's slaving away in service to a corpse on a throne in miserable conditions where we'll receive almost nothing in exchange for lifelong servitude but in 40k there's loads of different specific worlds to look at for exactly why it sucks to be a human if you live on a pleasure world i will grant you that life is probably good even as a servant you're still in a pleasure world life isn't that bad when your job is being a butler in the garden of eden oh no my weekends are spent relaxing at the beach and drinking martinis all day long how do i do it but pleasure worlds are rare they are such a small fraction of planets in the imperium of man that they're barely worth mentioning truth be told i only brought them up because i need to get the argument against my points out of the way first if that makes me an [ __ ] then that's up to you to decide for the suck let's go to the civilized worlds a lot of people say that their equivalent of you know a modern day first world country and i will admit that in the caiaphas cain books some of the times when kane is wandering a planet looking for ways to avoid the war zone he's supposed to be a part of these worlds don't look like the worst places to live this viewpoint isn't wrong but it also isn't telling the whole story they're roughly the equivalent of earth as it is now plus or minus a few hundred years of technology so you could live in the world that's modern-day germany or america or you could live in the equivalent of a colonial world where one part of the world controls the rest of it the imperium doesn't care if that's the case you may be slaving away at a sugar plantation but as long as the guard gets its tithe then it isn't gonna do [ __ ] or you could live on the planet of sweatshop factories that has just little levels of pollution to not count as a forge world technically counts as a civilized world but tell that to the factory workers making ultramarine plushies for the system a few light years over for their entire lives but even the most wonderful civilized world you aren't living the ideal 1950 suburban american community without all the society problems ending with the suffix phobia or ism you're living in the world of the man in the high castle or given that it's warhammer wolfenstein land is probably more accurate your government dictates how you think how you work and how you live in general sure it can be more subtle on these planets but your life is still completely at the whim of the imperium your religious beliefs are decided for you if you bring up that perhaps this religion everyone is following has a few flaws then you are going to be black bagged before you can finish the sentence it is a veneer of pleasantry hiding the fact that you are living in the most horrid dictatorship ever wonder why bobby stopped showing up at the country club well you shouldn't because bobby never existed and if you bring him up again you're going to the same place he did just because in a civilized world you weren't actively having the imperium's boot step on your throat doesn't mean it's a wonderful life in fact it's still a shitty life the imperium is just doing its best to make sure you don't realize it just because you have a decently comfy bed to retire to at night doesn't mean you live a good life your human rights are still being viciously violated and not knowing about that fact doesn't make it better it's worth remembering that the imperium is a nightmare it's not a good place it is repeatedly stated to be corrupt and incompetent and ruthless and nightmarish and several other negative adjectives i mean hell games workshop has said as much directly on multiple occasions 40k also has the added benefit over fantasy that your government can decide oh this planet needs to go and burn you and your world to kingdom come minnie rant over what about agricultural worlds gotta be a nice planet-wide farm right that sounds relaxing well the imperium is such a mess of technological levels that yes some are probably like that but then you're just back to being a protonian surf with the knowledge that sometimes big metal birds come from the sky to take your food otherwise you live on a planet that's constantly dealing with fertilizer runoff and is being kept just ecologically clean enough to keep all the food production from dying out these places suck hive worlds good god they're awful they're not having you work 22 hours a day 7 days a week that level of grimdark is too stupid for me to push as fact but what is fact is that you live in an apartment most people consider to be a closet at best you have no privacy because your walls are shared with 10 other people half of whom are actually part of your family the building you live on is also 10 000 years old and hasn't been maintained in 5000 so have fun with the occasional structural collapse taking a small country's worth of people down with it pollution is a given so have fun breathing an atmosphere of 20 carbon dioxide and god knows what else oh and chances are you live so far beneath the quote unquote surface of the hive world that not only have you never seen the sun but you may not have even heard of it if you're educated you're educated exactly enough to know how much to work in the factory that has never heard of something like a guardrail much less actual hazard equipment and training oh and the farther you go down in the hive the worst gets somehow you've got mutants chaos cults jean sealer cults fanatical cults of the emperor which you would think would be on your side until they murder you and your family for breathing in a way that they think is unholy and waterfalls of factory waste that turn not only the lower levels of the hive but the areas surrounding it in the places that are somehow worse than the rest of it in a hive world your life is miserable just because you aren't working 22 7 in a factory making guns doesn't mean you're just hanging around chilling out just because you get a lunch break in hell doesn't mean you aren't in hell also this is more of a personal belief of mine so feel free to accept or ignore this part at your leisure but even though hive worlds are a minority of planets in the imperium i genuinely think they make up at least 50 of the people in it they have trillions of people on them if not more some of the things i've read placed that number of the quadrillions that many people on one planet is going to cause nothing but squalor unrest and countless other problems at all times if i'm right about what percentage of humanity is located on hive worlds and that means being born a human in 40k means you'll most likely be placed in one of these [ __ ] pits if i'm wrong these places are still absolute hell holes to live in let's run through the rest of the worlds real quick because i feel like i've made my point if you live in a fair world then you're just a caveman so yeah that sucks if you think a death world is great to live on and you would totally survive there then i have nothing else to say to you that would convince you otherwise you silly little larper you forge worlds are like hive worlds only so polluted that if you aren't augmented to survive on them or attack priests is already 80 machine anyways you can't even breathe on the things fortress worlds are like kadia so your life is going to be nothing but constant military service or working to feed the military and horde factory conditions only this time you're probably gonna be the target of some invading army or other every few weeks night worlds have all the fun of feudalism crossed with robots sure it probably looks cool but it wouldn't want to live there and while they may be rarely populated if you're unfortunate enough to live on or even near a demon world they're called demon worlds do you really need me to explain that one all in all being a human sucks in 40k even more than it does in fantasy the one thing i can say for humanity is that if you're part of the elite your life is probably great life extending treatments luxurious living power over the masses the works but that's such a small percentage of people that i don't even think i can say that they're the one percent they're the one percent of the one percent because most of the top one percent is only considered such because they get a piece of bread that isn't moldy in their weekly rations even living as a superhuman in 40k still sucks space marines are constantly fighting horrid wars and depending on which chapter you are you may or may not have degenerative dna inserted into you hope you have fun turning into a rage monster who thinks everyone around him is named horus and since this just seems to escape the mind of most people don't forget that intense indoctrination are explicitly part of space marine training i know the word gets used so often in 40k that it loses all meaning but please remember that indoctrination is a bad thing also the benefits you do get from being a space marine are almost irrelevant because there's roughly one space marine per planet in the imperium yeah i know that some chapters have more than just a thousand marines but it's still such a small fraction of people that you aren't going to be one let alone someone like a custodies all of this of course is on top of the fact that every time someone blinks xenos or chaos invade another world compare this to the other races tao actually have pretty decent standards of living not always great given that there's pretty prevalent propaganda but it's still better than the imperium mind control is the lesser evil compared to nuking your own planet the elder live in a perfect post-scarcity society when they aren't fighting so that's that yeah their souls are forfeited upon death but in day-to-day life they're having a fine go with things orcs only care about fighting and they're always fighting so they're in heaven same as in fantasy tyranids do not have the capacity to care about these things so who cares i don't think the high fleets have an existential crisis every time they devour a world dark eldar are more or less the same as the dark elves their souls do drain away but solving that issue is incredibly easy just stab the nearest slave in the throat and your agony quote is fulfilled have your soul back there's parallel and despair and comrade but there's equal amounts of debauchery and the fun kind of mayhem so i'm still willing to place humanity below them on the quality of life scale if you ask the common necron what it thinks about its living situation it's just going to look at you blankly because the average necron warrior doesn't have the ability to think about that kind of thing their nobles might be sad about not having souls or working sexual organs anymore but they're also immortal and incredibly powerful beings who can come back from death so it could certainly be worse hell depending on their interests not being organic might be a good thing to them brazen for example has until the heat death of the universe to collect things because of it overall yeah life is humanity sucks in 40k life as humanity sucks in the warhammer settings in general don't be a human in these settings if you had a choice also i'm employing the all lowers canon not everything is true defense except my interpretation of the setting is definitely the correct one in this case so you are certainly wrong and i am right because i have the youtube channel so i get to make the rules i am not five years old i am six thank you of course to my channel members for generously donating their funds to support me may your pancreases never falter in their sacred duty thank you all for watching and take care out there [Music] humanity in 40k also doesn't have access to carl france so quite frankly they lose by default no i'm not going to stop making this joke it isn't a joke i want carl francis d

Channel: PancreasNoWork

Views: 844,258

Keywords: Warhammer, Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer Fantasy Battles, Warhammer Age of Sigmar, Age of Sigmar, AoS, Warhammer AoS, PancreasNoWork, Warhammer 40k, Warhammer 40000, 40k, WH40k, Games Workshop

Id: 4j2qVoev1bQ

Length: 16min 26sec (986 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 02 2022