How Trump's Indictment Played Out on The Daily Show

[Applause] [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] week of news so I thought you know we'd wrap up things this week with some light-hearted news that's really going to put a smile on your face we're interrupting this package right now because we have some breaking news and it is historic news out of lower Manhattan right now a federal jury a grand jury has voted to indict former president Trump the first time ever that a former president has been criminally charged oh yeah that's right I lost my chair yeah yeah that's right that's right that's right Lady Justice grabbed Trump by the [ __ ] [Applause] [Music] and you know I take a Firm Stance against mass incarceration okay but for this I'm willing to make an exception I just hope they take it easy on them and put them at least in a cell with his lawyer they're okay if you commit fraud to corrupt cover up an affair with a porn star the law will catch up to you after like seven years and and a full term as president now I know we're all hoping to see him putting handcuffs but we don't know how it's all going to go down the report is that they're going to try to negotiate and surrender either that or they'll leave a trail of Big Macs leading to the prison and you know a lot a lot of pundits like Lindsey Graham are saying this is going to be good for Trump but [ __ ] why don't you get arrested and see if it's good for you [ __ ] anyway we don't know when this will actually arrest him or how it's going to pan out but hey maybe going to prison might be good for trump it may be what he needs because at least in prison he'll be able to pursue his greatest passions reading working out and converting to Islam we just had breaking news Donald Trump has been voted to be indicted by a grand jury first president to be indicted former first president what are your thoughts well Donald Trump announced on true social that he's been indicated rather than indicted but of course I'll check for the president he helped him put together tweets but I don't [Applause] um you know Donald Trump I know you know Donald Trump has been a pathological liar and law breaker his whole life and and has dined away with it oh yeah like he's a master of getting away with it and finally he's facing the accountability he deserves [Applause] but I I will confess of of all the crimes that he's committed in his life I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would be taken down by hush payments to a porn star I mean that's right right through that too so he's like he's like the Al Capone of American politics state of New York versus Donald J Trump ET oh low trump it was indicted last week for paying a porn star hush money you know Trump got to be mad he paid all that hush money didn't nobody hush it's messed up it's in the word hush but no Affair no Affair has been less hushed than this one everybody know about this damn Affair that's uncontacted tribes in the Amazon who know that Trump bones Stormy Daniels I do not know what a plane is but I do know that Stormy Daniels spanked Trump with a magazine now excuse me now look now if you notice I did not do a native accent I'm not trying to get canceled on my first stick I I am holding the spear my bad but I didn't do no accent the point is Trump has been indicted and tomorrow the circus is Coming to Town New York City this morning preparing to become the setting for an unprecedented legal and political drama as Donald Trump returns to face the criminal charges against him Mr Trump expected to face some 30 separate charges the first ever filed against a former president in an indictment handed up last Thursday still secret and under seal until his arraignment Mr Trump's arraignment Tuesday will include being processed at the courthouse with fingerprints and a DNA sample expected to be taken as well but he likely won't be handcuffed and Secret Service agents will protect him at every turn foreign that's right Trump's got to provide a DNA sample which if you think about it that's kind of how he got in this mess in the first place upside with Trump's DNA the upside for Trump's DNA not an NYPD could probably solve a bunch of cold cases from the 80s [Applause] [Music] why are they arraigning him like like he's a normal person he ain't a normal person trapping a normal person normal people don't bring the Secret Service to get arrested and to be honest I kind of feel sorry for the Secret Service agents how you you get assigned to a former president you're supposed to be going to baseball games and win the surfing you get assigned to Trump you got to go to Rikers you got to take a shank for this man you gotta taste test the toilet wine make sure it ain't poisoned you gotta dig the Escape tunnel then dump the dirt in a softball field I'll never forget the day Donald Trump showed up on the yard [ __ ] Secret Service agents he thought I was Ben Carson foreign but it's not all bad for trumpy according to reports he's already raised five dollars since the news dropped on Thursday five five million dollars this man is balling five million dollars do you know how many cigarettes that'll get you in prison honestly this might be teaching this man the wrong lesson Trump going to start telling people to snitch on them for other crimes he did just so he can get that bag too Trump will be the first man in history to pay unhushed money going to jail might be the new way to fundraise if you're a politician Hillary probably sitting around like hell five million dollars [ __ ] maybe they should have locked me up and Trump supporters aren't just supporting him with donations they sound like they ready to do whatever it takes to avenge him after Trump's indictment some on social media called for war and said it's time for a real Insurrection this thing opens up a whole a whole Pandora's Box here and I don't really think the left understands what they're getting themselves into it almost feels like they're pushing the population to react we think they're demoralized and passive let's see if they really are probably not the best time to give a gray or 15. and I think most people know that they are agitating for unrest that that's the only way to interpret this I'm ready for whatever's next and I hope every other man out there watching this show I hope you're ready for whatever's next if that's what they want let's let's get to it look look I can't speak for all the mother folks we just saw but let me tell you this much when a black man wearing a leather jacket he ain't [ __ ] around doubt the mother folks if you if you probably got the sword right there under the damn seat but you got to give it up to these Trump supporters man you got to give them credit they talking about showing up to the courthouse showing up to the courthouse and that the NYPD will be there and the NYPD will be ready look I don't know if you've seen the footage of the NYPD but they whoop ass all right they made the playoffs every year but you know the NYPD they they might not beat these Mega protesters too bad cops might recognize some of them from doing January 6 together but but don't clap for the police going to January 6th [Applause] but as passionate as Republicans are you got to give them credit this case is being quarterbacked by a black district attorney and not once have they called him the n-word that's amazing excuse me one more six give me one thing anywhere I'm very proud of y'all you're very angry about this but at no point have you gone all the way to publicly using the n-word and that's growth and I want you to know that I see you and I see your progress and that's just a little pat on the back from your old Uncle Roy oh now to me here's what's weird about the reaction from Trump supporters they're getting ready for revenge for what Democrats did to Donald Trump but they're also celebrating what Democrats did to Donald Trump because they think it'll help them win the election so to help me break that down a little bit more on that return to the homie Ronnie Chang Ronnie Chang Ed but can you believe that some people think getting arrested is actually going to help Trump yeah because they're right of course getting arrested is going to help Trump you know how badass he's going to look when he walks into the Republican debates with a face tattoo now Trump's got street cred you're black you know what that is [Applause] money jail is not an instant path to Greatness you know jail is not an instant path to Greatness you're an Asian you're smarter than this yeah yeah I am Asian which is why I know Trump is a is going to be a modder now he'll be like the Nelson Mandela of the people who put Nelson Mandela in jail everyone thinks they want upstanding leaders but what they really want are bad boys who don't give a [ __ ] Bill Clinton got a blow job in the Oval Office and that's still the most popular thing you ever did no no that's not that's not true that's not true oh yeah well name one other thing he did then he played saxophone on Arsenio Hall that's just another form of blowing okay face it Roy it's 2023 being indicted now makes you a stronger candidate it's like being a rapper or Martha Stewart okay in fact I'm calling it Trump is now the official front-runner for president don't say that don't say that don't say that I just said it on The Daily Show with Royal Virginia don't say what Royal Virginia just say The Daily Show with Roy wood Juniors officially no no no says Donald Trump is now the lead candidate in the presidential race seriously that's your prediction Trump wins election over already done yeah unless Joe Biden can also get indicted for something even crazier I mean I'm talking Hunter Biden crazy okay none of this classified documents [ __ ] no one gives a [ __ ] about documents okay no I'm saying at the next cabinet meeting Biden's gotta beat Pete butter just to death to death should give me a medal for saying that twice oh Biden do something else illegal okay Roy you're black okay name some crimes Grand Theft Auto um possession would intent to distribute writing bad checks will be a good wait a minute don't make me suggest crimes for the president man you're saying in order to win Biden has to Fight Fire with Fire yeah exactly that's that's a great pitch okay he should set the White House on fire right inside okay so so Biden has the one up Trump okay if Trump goes to prison Biden has to go to solitary get the death penalty and then just to be safe go to hell okay so basically whoever goes to hell first will win the election because that's democracy baby you gotta go to hell they gotta go to hell you make hell sound like a swing state yeah yeah exactly hell is like Ohio except not as bad okay that's enough money change everybody give it up for running change thank you running let's talk a little bit about the elephant in the room that just landed in New York City now in Washington what is your feeling right now with everything with the Trump and Diamond how much do you think this indictment is going to paralyze bipartisanship on actually getting laws passed in the next year because Trump has a way of sucking the wind out of conversations yeah hey look in the Senate I don't think it's going to have much effect at all you've heard Mitch McConnell stay eerily silent but I think this is a moment in American history that is pretty significant look I believe deeply in Democratic principles I believe in the idea of the rule of the law but we've had a nation that hasn't lived up to those principles all the time as Brian Stevenson says who's his death penalty Defender he says we have a criminal justice system that treats you better if you're rich and guilty than if you're poor and innocent and and so for me this is one of those tough moments or Donald Trump has flaunted the rule of law for a significant amount of his career and uh did it in a bullying way whether it was lock her up or even the exonerated five the Central Park five even after they were exonerated uh failing to acknowledge that it was a travesty of Justice so I I I think that the Senate is going to be fine they're going to be people trying to find compromise get things done but I do think this is one of those moments where there's a 34 count indictment that we have to wait and see what's in it I think that there's a lot of rushing uh to to assume partisan positions in this as a guy who believes in democracy believes in the rule of law Believes In Due Process let's let's see what happens what are they saying behind closed doors you being is there a cafe what are they saying in the cafeteria like man you see that [ __ ] um look you forget this but Trump has been on trial twice in the Senate and he has had Republicans and Democrats both parties people from both parties voted to convict him we didn't have enough uh to meet the threshold for conviction but there are a lot of folks on both sides of the aisle that think that this is a guy who has caused so much damage to our political system he's really shaken the foundations of our democracy ideas about our democracy we've taken for granted over the years uh he has really threatened who would have thought that you'd be sitting there at your workplace and you'd be overrun by people storming the capital uh waiving the Confederate flag having t-shirts uh uh celebrating the Holocaust I can heads yeah and not to mention uh uh Viking hats and more so this is this is uh this is a guy who has truly strained the very democracy of our of our nation and and we hope to hold them accountable for that um he's under investigation in multiple jurisdictions this is a long thing to play out um I'm just one of these folks that came to Washington uh to uh focus on Criminal Justice Reform because we have this nation where we still have people you know look one out of every three incarcerated women on the planet Earth uh uh about are in the United States of America we incarcerate people at levels here that are outrageous so he he to me is is not my central Focus I'm not going to let him uh tear me away from the important work we need to do in Washington right now so we are here in New York City and today was one for the history books because when today began we were preparing for the craziest day in New York since the stay plus marshmallow man came to town and busted a nut on the whole city that wasn't marshmallows but today was even crazier because today was Trump arraignment day in a remarkable chapter of American History For the First Time a former president faced a judge in a criminal courtroom on charges he broke the law and it happened right here in New York City former president Trump who's not guilty to 34 counts of falsifying business records related to hush money payments the photograph is Stark uh and and historic as we look at it Donald Trump that's a man who looks like a defendant uh you know the former president I I've seen that face not many times he's he looks somber look at you look at your ass now ain't got your ass it's okay Ryan you spend all that money talking [ __ ] about the judge you talking [ __ ] about the D.A or I'm a March in the courtroom and I'm gonna come shut your ass up look at look at how sad Trump looks my man looked like somebody told him his dog died or that Mike Pence is still alive and you can talk all the [ __ ] you want but I'm telling you baby the moment you in that courtroom that [ __ ] get real Trump's sitting there Trump's in there like wow y'all really gonna do this to me and he alone ain't none of your boys around no more you gave and everybody no you don't pardon all your partners you got to leave one in jail so you have somebody to talk to and on top of all that this this I know Trump did something I don't know what he guilty of but he did something look at that first day of Court here in a suit that don't even fit why would you do that Gwyneth Paltrow showed you the cheat code boy you got to dress like you don't give a [ __ ] you got to dress for court like you on your way to somewhere else hey Gwyneth Paltrow you can't convict me these glasses are Cartier's [Applause] I know I can't afford nice glasses so as you can imagine it was a crazy day in New York and the city was ready for anything barricades were laid out every police officer was on duty even mayor Eric Adams said he might not go to the club tonight just in case y'all need it but you know he'd be in the club he got to keep the phone on vibrate but call him twice so he know it's an emergency [Music] and the cops I give the NYPD the NYPD this they were right to set up all the barricades Trump supporters swarmed downtown Manhattan and filled the streets with red white and blue it was like a Puerto Rican Day parade for people who want to deport Puerto Ricans and to the police's credit to the police's credit to their credit they handled it perfectly they kept everybody on both sides far enough apart so nobody got hurt but close enough so they could still roast the [ __ ] out of each other your mama [Applause] ah yes ah yes the classics no nothing win an argument faster than a yo mama it hit like a [ __ ] just playing yo mama you lose huh no matter what you said Donald Trump is a political prisoner unfairly targeted by the criminal justice system your mama [ __ ] oh [Applause] that's how I'd hit you you bleed out but it was a crazy scene downtown it was wow and one of the people making it crazy was Marjorie Taylor green oh 100 Taylor green MTG swung down to the courthouse double parked a broomstick and took part took part in the festivities and today she offered a defense of the president that I've never heard before president Trump is joining some of the most incredible people in history being arrested today Nelson Mandela was arrested served time in prison Jesus Jesus was arrested Jesus Jesus that that's what I'm thinking too like Jesus what the hell is wrong with this lady How You Gonna compare Donald Trump to Jesus first of all Jesus walked on water Donald Trump can barely walk on land the crazy thing about all of this today is that Donald Trump didn't even have to come to New York he could have done the whole arraignment at the crib because apparently they gave him the option to be arraigned over Zoom you know like Nelson Mandela and Jesus but I get it I I completely get why Trump didn't do it over Zoom one he'd got on camera and they would have just found more classified documents in the background too Trump wants publicity look at how he came out of Trump Tower this morning given the black power fist like a real political prisoner oh he lives for [ __ ] like this hell Trump liable to show up to court every day dancing on top of a car like Michael Jackson [Applause] in the media man the media what they do they play right along with it giving us wall-to-wall coverage even when there was absolutely nothing to talk about I will turn to you and show you he'll be coming out the side door of Trump Tower there so there is a sense of anticipation that his movement is coming you can see some of the traffic heading Northbound there and I'm not sure how much I can't remember off the top of my head at Fifth Avenue is one way yes I think to go south South so that's not Fifth Avenue I checked Waze just before we came in it showed that that was the fastest route we expect him to enter through us and I think that was just him John and Jillian did you guys just see the former president walk out or is that just me there's Donald Trump right there I'm sorry Abby we just saw Donald Trump overhearing some radio traffic here at any moment now see the former president walk through those doors so there are many doors into the courtroom and it's not just this one door there are side doors and there's a back door photographer Edwin shumrack laser focused on that uh front door and many hallways that lead to each door if he does go through those doors he will come by the camera the judge comes in a different door a jury comes in even another door a defendant who's incarcerated comes in a different door the public comes in the main door so there are many doors okay okay so let me get this straight you're telling me the courthouse has multiple doors and different people come through different doors and then those doors connect to other doors and then those are all the doors okay man I'm learning so much about the legal system thank you cable news now let's go buildings got doors and [ __ ] you learn stuff now here's what bothered me about today I'll say this Donald Trump deserves a fair trial but I also want Trump to get the full American criminal justice experience which is not what happened today my man got to schedule his visit to the courthouse like he the cable man Trump called the quarter hey let's not be down to the jail Tuesday between 10 and 2. just make sure you get that then once Trump got there there were no handcuffs there were no mug shots there were no perp walks well for trump it would be a purp waddle but you understand but you know that doesn't make the point my point is I'm disappointed because today shows you how Humane our courts could be so many people get dragged into this legal system and it's humiliating you get handcuffed you get gawked at you wait days sometimes months for an arraignment then you go into a building through one of those many doors you get to a room they strip you naked they spread your ass cheeks they make you cough twice which I never understood the second cuff I get one cough is enough to know whether or not I Got Drugs in My Booty the second cough is for you that's wrong am I sharing too much with y'all right now [Applause] I thought this was I thought I could open up to y'all apparently enough my point is for the sake of this country I hope that Donald Trump gets a swift trial but that doesn't mean he should get to use the TSA pre-check Lane but here's the good news the New York investigation is just one of many into the former president so we'll have plenty of other opportunities to get him arrested correctly so Georgia [Applause] so state of Georgia if you're listening when you finally get Donald Trump in your courtroom make sure he calls twice as we saw a lot of crazy characters down there at the Trump rally today now if you look at this footage of Marjorie Taylor green look at all these idiots with nothing better to do all day wait wait zoom in zoom in on my man in the background right there foreign oh my God that's Jordan clipper doing down there clapping that's a [ __ ] Ronnie Jordan's Club everybody hello hello I'm happy you were down there today Jordan klepper as the old saying goes better you than me what was it like down there you know it was pretty chill uh respectful crowd who quietly showed their support for American jurisprudence I've seen the footage and I know that you're you're right I am it was a [ __ ] show and I got a front row seat to take a big old whiff take a look I went downtown to watch Trump's historic arrest and the surrounding media circus but I was curious how Hometown boy Donald Trump would be greeted by regular New Yorkers Donald Trump like Jesus Christ from the dead yes [Applause] but also appearing were some of the most respected and articulate members of the Republican Party Marjorie are you afraid Trump will be mistreated by the gazpacho police yes the rising stars of the GOP came out in force if anybody can get Donald Trump off today it's America's lead defense attorney George Santos who it's a Harvard Law you finally breaking legitimacy to this video are you finally bringing legitimacy to the processors tell us George can you talk to us yeah I showed up as first president of the United States after a productive conversation like that I feel good about our nation's future thumbs up everybody um if nobody else is down at Jordan I want to thank you for all that you've done because I know it takes a lot out of you you know Roy I appreciate that I'm looking forward to a nice rest no you got to go back down there and get some more we need some more of this [ __ ] for tomorrow okay you're the boss for this week Jordan clef everybody but now let's move on to the big story the arrest of Donald J Trump oh you heard about it y'all heard about it okay I thought it was just a little under you know a little yesterday was a momentous day for Donald J Trump he was indicted for 34 counts of falsifying business records and also one count of clock in the courthouse toilet they added that one at the last minute so old trumpet went down to the courthouse look around stupid for a couple of minutes then fled on his private jet to Florida because as you all know Florida does not have an extradition treated with the United States he rolled up to Mar-A-Lago and then he waved to us support us and then offered to put a storm up their butt foreign who adds motion to a thumbs up it's simple just lock the elbow Trump got to be the first person to add the jerk off motion to a thumbs up thanks so much for coming out I really appreciate it so then after all of that it was time for Trump to give his big speech and sidebar why are people still going to Trump's speeches like I get it I get it that's your dude but you know what he gonna say he said Donald Trump is a comedian that ain't changed his act in years you know what he gonna do liberal media be doing this and Joe Biden Joe Biden and them they be doing yeah holy the only thing the only thing that changes year to year with Trump is who his enemy is and for this fight he's got two new ones in a defiant speech at Mar-A-Lago the former president claimed he's a victim and targeted the prosecutor and judge in the case they can't beat us at The Ballot Box so they try and beat us through the law the criminal is the district attorney may have a trump-hating judge with the trump-hating wife and family [Music] who you no go to trial and talk [ __ ] about the judge that's bold the judge could destroy you can destroy you and you Riley him up you about to fight cocaine bad you don't offer them crack first and he didn't just call out the judge Trump called out the kids you don't pull the kids into even rappers don't go after the kids and they murder each other and Trump said the man has a trump-hating wife but to be fair to be fair I don't even know if that was an insult because Donald Trump also has a trump-hating life you know you can't tell me Melania don't hate that man if anything this week was confirmation let me ask you this thing during Donald Trump's 45 minutes as a political prisoner not in attendance last night his wife former first lady Melania Trump she was not there among the guests were Ardent Trump supporters including congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene and the my pillow founder Mike Lindell one person noticeably absent last night was former first lady Melania Trump [Applause] life didn't show up and the speech was at the house Melania didn't even come downstairs she just she opened up the bedroom door oh you're back from prison already oh look [Applause] we're making jokes we're making jokes but there's nothing funny about a former first lady not showing up to her husband's speech where he's complaining about getting arrested for lying about paying off a porn star frankly I'm concerned about melania's whereabouts so we launched a search for and that search is being headed by our very own Dulce Sloan don't say foreign you're in Florida you're in Florida Dulce yes we are we are very poor dogs you're down there on the coast are there any signs of Melania down there oh oh not yet you know I've been looking for her at the beach all day and after this I'm gonna look for her a brunch and then I might go look for her the front row of a Magic Mike show you know I'm vigilant you know vigilante out here yeah ain't the Magic Mike Show in Las Vegas I think you're taking advantage of the corporate expense account we'll talk about that later but but first let's let's just well I got you let's just talk about this whole thing don't you think that Melania should leave Donald Trump I mean the man was paying hush money to porn stars Roy Roy Roy you don't understand son the hush money was for Melania the reason he didn't want people to know about Stormy Daniels [ __ ] if he wasn't married his campaign slogan would have been a porn stars [Applause] [Music] okay both but for Melania he paid a porn star a hundred and thirty thousand dollars oh to know a love like that oh okay you know I mean it's you know it's kind of romantic for a man to just break bread like that okay I got you so then so then you think Melania should stay with Donald no come on I've dumped men for a lot less I broke up with a guy last week because he left me a voicemail a voicemail sir what year do you think this is just leave a comment on my Tick Tock like an adult Grandpa okay so I see what you're saying so then you think Melania should have dumped Trump back in 2016. oh hell no listen Uncle Roy are you listening why would she dump him when he just got elected El Presidente you cheat on me you think I'm gonna let some porn star be the first lady what the hell no nah [ __ ] I'm getting a portrait okay a real one with paint and [ __ ] okay okay talk about a canvas the easel and we're gonna sit there for seven hours and look happy damn it okay going every which way then don't say just tell me what the hell should Melania do then just take advantage of trump with his president and when he's not let his ass twist in the wind while you're at home watching Martin reruns and banging these Pool Boys I mean she's doing it at Mar-A-Lago right now wait so you know where she is well then why are you running up an expense account on my week would you what this is my week hosting and you running up the bill with all this travel come on wow this is how you treat a black woman April no no that's not happening last women's History Month [Applause] no I should be out here with a tail fire bag and Morris Chestnut and you out here trying to act like I'm not doing my job you know what I'm gonna get on my jet ski I got to do with you I got to do nothing wear my jet ski don't say Sloane everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: The Daily Show

Views: 1,071,007

Keywords: the daily show, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, daily show, news, politics, donald trump, trump, maga, gop, conservative, republican

Id: Yxh_A3MBSfI

Length: 38min 34sec (2314 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 03 2023