- Where are Tselane and Justin? - So, we've been together
for almost four years and living together for two. When we get into the arguments,
usually I'm the talker, I'm the one that's initiating everything, and he doesn't express his feelings enough and I feel like I'm just
going, going, going, and not getting anything in return. So, I need help with how
to figure that part out. - Steve and James, when we get into an argumentative situation, she tends to be overly communicative, I tend to shut down somewhat. I think it's helping, I'm trying to deescalate the situation. I bring it up later, she
thinks I'm rehashing it, but really I'm thinking that's
the best way to resolve it after things kinda cool down a little bit. So, I'm really just trying to get answers and help on how we can resolve these and have effective communication. - Mmm. (audience laughs) Lady over there saying, "Mmm." (Tselane laughs loudly) - [Steve] I know man,
I know, listen, I know. - You know what, here's the thing. This is something everybody
in this room can relate to, and that is, you're having a conversation and you're talking about, you're having a minor little argument about who's gonna take the dog out and five minutes late, it's,
"I never liked your mother!" and "You said that thing about my sister three years ago at Thanksgiving!" And you sit there and
go, what just happened, how did we get here? And really what it's about is the fact that we don't ever have a conversation about how to have a conversation, right? We don't talk about that. Why don't you just schedule
a day or time every week where we do our walk and talk? You go for a walk together
and you talk about it. Or you sit down on Sunday night before you start the work week fresh, you sit down and you say, "Alright, anything happen this
week we gotta talk about?" 'Cause forcing someone
to have a conversation when they're not ready
to have a conversation is gonna end up with a bad conversation. You can be right or you can be happy. (audience applauds) - I think that the both of you
wanna control the situation. - Of course. - And when you want your
answer, you want it now. You don't ever wanna hardly talk, 'cause you say it escalates
and I know she got a fuse that's 'bout as... (James laughs) 'Bout right there. (Tselane laughs) This is you gettin' lit, (hisses) pow! Your fuse is not long
because you're anticipating him trying to elude the conversation. You, sir, what's a good
time to talk to her? Or has it gotten to the point where you don't like
talkin' to her no more? - No, that's definitely not true. - [Steve] Okay. 'Cause I love talking to her,
this is the love of my life. This is the most important
person in the world to me. (audience applauds) - That's the first sensible
thing you've said so far. - Damn, man, that's the only-- - That, because the truth
is, have you told her that? Have you told her at some point, "I really do wanna hear
what you have to say. It's important to me. I value it." 'Cause here's what I'll tell you. I think Steve's right about her fuse, but I gotta tell ya, just how
she even reacted physically when you just said, this
is the woman I love, this is the woman I spend
the rest of my life with. I think if, when she came
to you with some issue, if you said to her, "You
know what, I love you. I value you. I want to honor the fact you
wanna have this conversation. I just need a minute to process what we're talking about."
- That would be amazing. - She just put her hands up,
- That would be amazing. - just now.
- That would be amazing. Amazing.
- She'll respect that. - Thank ya'll for coming,
wish you the best. C'mon man, fight for it, stay together. (audience applauds) Hey, I wanna thank James
for helpin' us out today. We'll be right back everybody. (audience cheers)
