- All right, I'm back with divorce lawyer and author of, "If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late." It's my buddy, James Sexton. And (audience cheers) we're tackling relationship
questions in the audience. Francisco has a question about infidelity. Francisco, what's going on? (audience applauds) - Hey, Steve. Hey, James.
- [James] Hey, Francisco. - Thanks for taking my question. - [James] Sure. - So I'm 36. I've been dating a girl
for the past four years. I was getting ready to pop the question, and then something big happened. I found out she was cheating on me. (audience oohs) A friend of ours saw her
leaving a bar with another guy, and it got back to me. Of course, I confronted her about it. She admitted it. She said she was really sorry
and that it was a mistake, that she loves me, and that
it's never gonna happen again. Look, I love her, and I wanna believe her, but I don't wanna be made out a fool. I mean, I'm sure you've seen cheating in the office all the time. Any advice? - Yeah, I mean, you know, the first thing I'd say
to you is that I'm sorry. Like, that's hard. You know, that's the
hardest thing there is. And there's a lot of kinds of cheating. I talk about that in my book, that there's different types of cheating, different types of affairs. The kind you're talking about
is what I call the mistake, which is the person comes
to you and they say, or they get caught, and they say, "You know, I made a mistake. I love you. I'm sorry this happened. I wanna stay with you. I wanna make it work." And in some ways, that's a little easier than when the person
comes to you and says, "I've met someone, I'm in love
with them, and I'm leaving." Okay, because that's just
crushing to be told that, you know, this person just, I love someone more than I love you. But in some ways it's a lot harder because now you have to
decide a fundamental question. And here's the question. Can you take the same ingredients and cook something different with it? Okay. The odds are really against you, okay. You got a lot of work to do
if you wanna make this work. But what I'll say to you is, in my experience watching my clients, this is either the beginning of the end, or it's the end of the beginning, okay. And whatever direction it is,
(audience cheers) you got some work. And, I know you're gonna do
that work if you need to. All right?
- Thank you. - [James] All right.
- Thank you. - If I was you, dude, saying all that, like he said, this could be a mistake, but how? So, if we hit a rough spot, you gonna go fix it
outside the relationship. - That's rough.
- I, yeah, man. I'd get another chick. (audience cheers) Yeah. - I've been married six years, and my husband is a great guy,
but he's a creature of habit. Like, he goes to the gym
at the same time every day. He eats lunch at the same time every day. When we go to restaurants,
it's the same local restaurant. We go on vacation, same vacation spot. (audience laughs) Yeah, right? I need to know. I need some help. What can I do about it? (audience laughs) - So you married a guy who figures out that he likes something, and then he says, "You know what? I'm sticking with this thing that I like, and I'm not gonna go chasing
all kinds of other things 'cause I really like the thing I like." That doesn't sound too bad. That--
(audience cheers) That actually sounds like
why he got married, right? He got married 'cause
here's the other thing. Let's try it the other way. What if you're married to a guy who, every shiny thing that
he sees, every new thing, that's what catches his eye. That's what he wants to do. He's distracted by every
new thing that happens. That's not a guy you wanna be married to. That's a guy you end up in my
office when you're married to. - Oh no, that's true.
- Right? So that's the first thing. But the second thing I'd say to you is, you know, why does everything
have to be one person? That's one of the biggest myths that I think ends up causing
people to be in my office, is that the person you marry
has to be the best lover, best friend, best
conversationalist, best parent, best financial person to do a partnership with
for your family finances. They gotta be everything to you. Maybe this is something you're not gonna get from your husband. Maybe your husband's not the guy who's gonna wanna go out
to every new restaurant. So maybe you go out with
one of your girlfriends to the new restaurant. Maybe you go out with one
of your college friends. Maybe you go out with one of your coworkers
to the restaurant. And you know what might happen? You're out at that restaurant, you come home, you say to your husband, "Oh, we went to the new restaurant. It was so amazing today." He's gonna wanna try that restaurant. - Okay.
(audience cheers) That sounds good. Okay, I'll try it. Definitely. I'll try it. Thank you!
- All right. - You've got a guy.
- Yes. - Who likes the same thing. Well, guess what? He wants the same chick. - Aw.
(audience cheers) Yes, he does. - You got a good thing. Go on and ride it out. - Thank you!
(audience cheers) - [James] You're doing all right. - All right, Stasia isn't sure if her man is husband material. - Hi, Steve. Hi, James. - [Steve] Hi.
- [James] Hi, Stasia. - So I've been with my
boyfriend for about three years, and he's great. We always have a lot of fun together. He's always the life of the
party, and everybody loves him. But here's the thing. He's a professional musician, and on the road a lot
and keeps late hours. Now, while that may be fun in a boyfriend, when I think about it long
term, I'm just not sure. Any advice? - I'd like to ask you a question. If you, if you could have any car, what car would you have? - A Lamborghini.
(audience laughs) - [James] Okay. - I know that's right! (audience laughs and cheers) You better want you something! - Right. - So now let me ask you this. If I told you whatever car you pick, that's the only car you can
drive for the rest of your life. - [Stasia] Oh.
- Okay. You'd change your answer. I know you would because you're
not gonna put a baby seat in the back of a Lamborghini. - [Stasia] True. - You're not gonna, when
you're 80 years old, try to get into a Lamborghini, okay. The skillset, the job
description for a boyfriend and the skillset job
description for a husband, they're not the same. Don't give up on the guy just 'cause he's a professional musician. There's plenty of
businesses, plenty of jobs, that the lifestyle could
be a crazy lifestyle. But talk to him about it.
- [Stasia] Okay. Sit down and say to him, listen, here's what my goals are. Here's what I want our life
to look like eventually. And hear what his perspective is. He might have plans too. He might be getting tired of
that on the road lifestyle and have different plans. Give him a chance to talk to you about it. But remember, you're buying one car for the rest of your life. - Yeah, true. All right.
(audience cheers) - Let me ask you a question. - [Stasia] Yes. - Have you ever heard
these words from him? One day, I wanna settle down. I wanna get a family and
have kids and have a wife. - Not those exact words, but we've talked a little bit about it. - What've you heard from him? - Well, you know, that eventually
he wants to get married and, you know, have a family, and, but we didn't delve too deep into that-- - [Steve] Yeah, okay.
- Subject. Yeah. - Now, let me ask you this. Did he say he wanted all that with you? - Not yet. (audience oohs) - I'm telling y'all ladies this how you gotta pluck the game apart. 'Cause we experts at this. We say what we know you want to hear to keep the bait dangling on the hook. And your man is gonna tell you, I wanna get married one day. Settle down, have some kids get a house. Oh yeah, and then you automatically plug
yourself into the equation. (audience laughs) - That happened.
- He never said he wanted that with you. You can't have doubts
about him. You can't. If you gotta wonder
about him, he ain't it. Probably ain't anyway.
- Thanks guys. Appreciate it. - [Steve] Huh?
- [James] Well put. - Thank you. - Hey, you made it to
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