How To REALLY Get Over a Breakup & Find Yourself

[Music] hello lovely people i feel like i look like the love doctor today but i'm not a doctor or anything as you can see from the title today i'm going to be talking about my journey of how i basically found myself after a breakup and i've titled it how to get over a breakup and find yourself but really within this video i really want to talk about you know what i went through and if this could potentially help you because i really think that i went through a metamorphosis after my breakup i won't go too much into my actual breakup but i will give some backstory on some bits just to you know help you understand my road of self-awareness and the self-love and just to find myself and i just want to make clear that just because i had a breakup and i found myself after this doesn't mean that you need a breakup to find yourself you can actually find yourself right now i do also want to take this video kind of like a chit chat session between me and you so i don't want it to be too formal even though you know i'm wearing a blazer and i look like the love doctor so before i jump into this video please do subscribe to my channel as well as follow me on instagram it just shows me that you guys support me so hit that subscribe button as well as the bell icon and i also want to go forward with a disclaimer that i'm not a love guru i'm not a love relationship doctor again i'm just talking based on my experiences and i just want to share with you a few things that really really helped me out so first of all i just want to explain the situation of what happened so this was like three years ago me and my boyfriend broke up and funny enough we're now back together but i will get into all of that a little bit later but we broke up around three years ago oh my gosh i don't even know the time it was some time ago we broke up for about a year and i'm not gonna dwell on the breakup itself because that's not really that relevant to your journey my journey back then but we broke up and i was single for a year and why this kind of hit me so hard aside from the breakup was because i was living in germany on my own so i was like by myself i didn't have family i had like not really concrete friends i did have a friend group but it was not anyone that i could be like i could really cry on their shoulder and say like this is what happened like we broke up blah blah blah i didn't really have anybody like that and i didn't have my family they're all in new york so i was just here i was also moving at that time so i moved basically by myself into a new flat a bigger flat which was nice for me but you can also hear the echoes of silence basically because i was by myself and so it was actually a really really down point in my life in the very beginning because when that happened i really felt like really really alone outside of him i just felt like i'm in this strange place i have no one although i had a new job a better job a nice flat it still felt like super lonely and i know that this resonates with a lot of people this situation happens to a lot of people across the world so that was the situation back then and i really didn't see an out except potentially even moving back to the states because i was like wow like i shouldn't be alone i should have like you know lots of friends to be around you know to cheer you up should be with family you know you can always have constant conversation you don't have to think about the situation but i was just alone so that basically was the situation so you can already kind of get the vibes of how i potentially could have been feeling at that time felt really lost and i felt like i didn't really know who zoe was um and so what i did in the very beginning just to kind of get my mind off it i would also recommend is to just cut off all contact from that person cut off all contact from that life because it's a life that does not make sense with you anymore i personally say i think that you should you know cut the knot there's no reason to be hanging on to this person so that's basically what i did step one cut it off and i just tried to push forward and so in my case i was a little bit lucky because i had this new job so i could really dive into my work you don't have to like dive into a new job like if you don't have a new job you don't just go looking for a new job after breakup but definitely dive into your work maybe even just work a little bit harder just so that you have something to think about other than this situation so that's what i did i like dove into work like hardcore there was a bunch of onboarding a bunch of new initiatives that i could think of and bring to the table so i was just really really into that and that really helped i found like purpose in doing work and outside of that i was building a whole new apartment so although it was sad you know i had silenced ghosts echoing in my apartment because i was here by myself i also had the time to you know sit down and plan and get creative and just put my efforts and my mind into decorating my flat so that also really really helped in the very beginning and it kept my mind off of things and obviously outside of all those things i still called my family like every day just so that i had someone to talk to that i wasn't becoming you know silent and quiet just because i was you know by myself in this space so i would really recommend that you keep the channel keep the line open with family members with your closest closest friends just don't stop communicating and talking to someone because then you can really just fall into a deep hole which thinking back like it's so it's so easy to do it i know some people fall into the trap but just keep talking to someone so obviously you know it's always easier said than done when you say like jump into work jump into you know cleaning up your apartment or getting furniture it's really easy to just say that and i know people were telling me the same thing it's just it's easy for someone else on the outside to tell you that i get it that's why i would recommend one book i would say this book that i read was actually a like a spring after i read this book i sprung kind of like out of that sad stage and the book was such a great book like it really put things in perspective it's exactly what i needed and so the book is actually called it's called a breakup because it's broken the smart girls breakup buddy and it was great this is a book here and basically this book just put everything into perspective it was literally like my brain in the book and they basically walked me through some thoughts that i thought about doing or thinking or you know feeling about myself and they just uplift you and tell you in some cases like don't do that if you're thinking about like talking to this person again don't do it like it doesn't work out and they give you real life examples of this not working out or you know you taking the wrong path the unnecessary path and making yourself look like a fool so it was a really good book it was light but it was also very insightful so i would definitely recommend this book so after i read this book i was on a different path i was starting to feel a little bit more comfortable but not so comfortable other things started to you know pop into my mind all the things came across my path that you know helped solidify who i was so with this situation i was kind of forced into really reaching out more and talking to more people and trying to build something here in germany on my own so that meant building my own friend group so that's what i did i started to build more relationships with friends that i had tried to build deeper relationships because before it was more or less surface level it was still early days when i moved to germany so it wasn't like these people were my best friends but this breakup made me you know want to reach out more i want to hang out more i didn't want to stay at home all the time i wanted to go out do something so i was getting more active in the friend realm and i got a really really great girlfriend out of this like probably one of my best friends i got out of this from germany and i could actually owe it to the breakup because i don't think i would have initiated so many things with her after that you know my sister my little sister visited me as well because i really needed a family element into all of this she visited me and it was just epic we traveled we had fun i showed her around germany it was just a great experience and just having physical family around me so fast forwarding a little bit i have now a friend i finished reading this book i'm diving into work i'm diving into you know furnishing my new flat the next thing actually that i worked on was my german and my company actually supports you know learning german so i took lessons learning german so i had now this class i'm improving my german i started to reach a place in my language learning where things really just clicked things made sense i wasn't as nervous speaking outside anymore and i didn't have the support then of any german friends or family or boyfriend to support me in public spaces had no one to you know anchor on if i needed help so i had to improve my german and this actually made me excel because with all this furniture that i was buying i had to return maybe about 30 of the furniture and if you're calling the furniture people you need to know german if you're gonna call to make a return and at the time i was buying a lot of stuff from wayfair and they only spoke german on the hotline so i was always calling in german talking about you know there's a broken piece here like i need a new piece and so basically my german just went up and went up because i didn't have a crutch i didn't have anybody to rely on to speak german for me so then i really felt that i was getting somewhere in germany from feeling you know quite alone my german is like a little spotty no friends to you know having a really really good friend we met up all the time to improving my german to having a new job furnishing my flat things were just going up and up so this is around the same time actually that i was improving my german because it was an online class i could still travel and do whatnot so i use this time as well within my breakup to solo travel and solo traveling is in itself one of the most you know finding things self-finding things that you can do so i traveled like back to the state i traveled to the west coast i traveled to berlin by myself and in solo travel you meet you know other people i also went to bali you know solo and in that trip and the other trips you just meet such amazing people and you have these conversations and these strangers it's crazy how these strangers can actually build you up without even knowing you i remember when i went to the west coast of the us by myself the hotel that i was in they had a free beer hour every single craft beer hour every single day so i would always go down there with a book by myself and i would just read and i remember there was one time that i was sitting there and i met this other american she was an english teacher or something and we just got to start talking and she found out that i was there by myself and you know i'm just traveling around and just trying to you know visit new places and she was so impressed she was shocked like that i would do this but she said that she wished that she could be as confident as me because she never did that in her youth with those little connections i had the same thing happened to me in bali it's just like wow i'm actually doing something really cool here i'm doing something you know not a lot of people have the confidence to do like moving abroad also still being successful on my own that is something to be proud of and that's something that i was really starting to realize throughout this whole process you know everything accumulated up until that point i was really just starting to realize like what are you sad for like you're doing so many great things you are alive one thing and you are prosperous like you're only go you can only go higher from this point i just found myself at that point it was just all about forgiveness like i had no hate i had no no bubble up like i didn't have hate in general but i had no you know hard feelings i was just feeling so good with myself so content at that point i also started dating and dating went really really i think well overall everything was just great not even kidding like i felt renewed i felt like wow zoe is back this is zoe i also started to read again because after i read this book it kind of sparked my love for reading again when i moved to germany i kind of dropped reading just because life was so crazy i mean i had to register german bureaucracy it was wild so i didn't have time to read the point of it is that you can get through it and you can find yourself after no one defines you and it sucks that this happens to some women it's also not dependent on the man you know it has nothing to do with him it's just sometimes when you're in a relationship some things just change and it should not be that way you should still be able to be fully you and pursue everything that you want to pursue in a relationship as you would outside of the relationship and i am not saying that my partner then did anything this had nothing to do with him this was just on me personally within the relationship at the very beginning i just moved abroad to a whole other country and like i said german bureaucracy learning a new language honestly i felt like i was already lost when i came to germany i was just a lost soul because i was just in a whole new environment like everything was just brand new side note if you want to move to another country i think that's also something that you have to keep in mind it's not like you're going to pick yourself up go to the country and then continue on life as you did in your home country no i think it's quite easy to get lost in the in the wave because it's a whole new environment so yeah that was my my journey after the breakup and i got this question so i made a how we met video with my boyfriend right now in that video you guys found out that he's actually the ex-boyfriend i'm talking about now i got a lot of questions after that like how do you get back with your ex like i want to get back with my ex can you talk about the story and i think i answered like one person but it was so many that i didn't answer it anymore i did not pursue him anymore i did not want to pursue him anymore i i felt like that chapter was closed and i really thought it was close especially after reading that book like please read that book if you even think about wanting to get back to an ex especially an ex who's probably a bad person so sven is not a bad person but in general i thought that chapter was closed and the only answer i can give you on how we got back together was literally fate like you know when they say some people are just meant to be sometimes they break up and they find themselves again in some weird situation i don't know however but we somehow found each other again nobody was actually looking for it like we weren't looking for each other nobody was like oh call me back like i want you back like that like we didn't do any of that it just circumstances happened we were in the same space and then it just built up like that like i did not pursue it he did not pursue it if it happens it happens but this video and my journey is just to express that you don't need anybody like you don't need a man if anybody's story should inspire you it should be mine because i was out here alone like i'm all the way in germany like germany germany i'm out here in germany by myself trying to find you know my life trying to find where i fit in and i made it work so i want to give you guys some takeaways i really do feel like the love doctor right now first of all i want you to if you're in a situation like you know depressed because of a relationship or a past relationship i want you to practice self-love practice talking to yourself and saying you are beautiful like you don't need anybody you really really don't like don't be so hard on yourself move on when a chapter is closed it's close and it'll probably be one of the best decisions that you ever make when you actually you know lock that door and move on also right now if i did not close that door and completely you know rejuvenate find myself i don't think i could have been with my partner again you know i think we both use that time as well to grow up so without that time i don't think me and him would have probably lasted long because we needed to find each other i think he used that time to find himself as well we both came back together two new adults the next takeaway i would say i didn't really talk too much into it but definitely don't jump into the next relationship i think that's definitely one of the worst things to do and i think the last thing is definitely just to have support around you just people who care about you who can give you great feedback good advice and just genuine people who will love you those are the people that you want by your side as you're trying to you know relocate yourself so yeah that was basically the video if you have any other questions please leave it in my comment section i'm not a professional there's my disclaimer once again this is just my experience and just my tips i hope you guys are staying healthy and safe and i'll see you in another video [Music] this

Channel: Zoie-Marie

Views: 8,456

Keywords: zoie-marie, getting through a breakup, breakup advice, how to get through a breakup, get through a breakup, i cant get over my ex, getting your ex back, how to get your ex back, getting through a breakup motivation, relationship breakup, we broke up, still cant get over my ex, break up, break up advice, breakup advice for women, how to get over someone, getting over someone, my breakup story, how to get over a breakup, black girl, black woman, heal after a breakup

Id: hG0GIW-BxTk

Length: 18min 8sec (1088 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 24 2022