Lust & Self-Control | Jonathan Pokluda

[Music] how we doing porch come on come on continuing our vice and virtue series I want to start by just kind of flashing back to my life before Christ BC days I'm here in Dallas Texas I'm not walking with Jesus out of college and every Thursday Friday and Saturday night was spent at a bar or a club in really one particular club that we would always go to so I moved five times all within one mile of lower Greenville and so that's kind of was the Uptown of that day the West seventh the Baker Street in Houston it was just it was the place where you would party and so we would go to this particular place all the time you know one Friday night I'm there and here's what would happen is we start at the apartment and with the tequila shots and then from there we would move to beer and then we'd go to the club and that's when we'd open the bar tab and start with the mixed drinks because I would dance better when I was drunk or at least I would think I'd dance better when I was drunk you know and and so anyways we're there I'm moving my way to the dance floor and and so dancing having a good time see this blonde girl across the way we might make eye contact smile at each other she starts coming my way and this is awesome and so we're we're dancing you know and it starts off a little bit of space in between she has long blonde hair beautiful short little tiny dress and and and so we're dancing looking at each other you know all is great and you like that high dance either and so yeah and and there's a space in between us and as the hours go by and as the drinks are flowing we get closer and closer and and you know and sorry to be graphic but we're on each other at this point no grinding and and she's you know whispering in my ear says hey I want you to go home with me and I'm thinking you know this is awesome because that's really the goal of life in this time is we go to the club and and hope to go home or take someone home with us and and so my mind is fast-forwarding to what's going to happen later on and and in the club is amazing because the the lights are down and and all you see is the neon the DJ's up there mix in that the beat is thumping and it's just a party and it's fun and it feels like this perfect environment like like just ecstasy kind of deal and and and so we keep going and and the nights moving on and really we literally dance the night away me and and my new friend and it's 2:00 a.m. at this point and so the bar is closing DJ plays it's closing time and and we can I start looking for my friends you start looking for her friends and we were there that takes so long that they turn the lights on and when they turn the lights on in the club it's just everything becomes different there's this place that was perfect and full of ecstasy and fine you start to see all the little bar napkins all over the floor and how dirty it is you know somebody threw up in the corner that's what that smell was and and and there's this kind of but musty beer smell that just increases when they they turn the lights on and and all the sexy coeds kind of look like incoherent zombies at this point you know they spilt drinks on their shirts and they're all sweaty and hot and it's kind of nasty and then I see her and and it's not that she's not beautiful but she just appears kind of needy and she has these big bags under her eyes and and this kind of look in her face and and at this point I've sobered up enough to say hey I gotta go home and and she says and again invites me over to her place and my friends are there now and I'm like nah I gotta go and and then she kind of moves to like begging and she grabs my arm it kind of starts pulling me and I'm like now I got to go in and what's going on is is her lawful desires are making her unbelievably unattractive and then she does something really weird I didn't see coming she pulls out her purse and pulls out a couple hundred dollars and she says I'll give you this notice I'm not the most attractive dude on the planet I get that okay and this has never happened to me before and this isn't where I'm kind of boasting about what happened in the past that's not my heart hear what I'm saying in my heart is saying this is I never will forget this moment even though I was intoxicated it just was like oh man something's not right they're like you're lost has moved you to a dysfunctional place and I got to go I got I got to go quickly I got to get out of here and I don't know where you're at in your walk with Jesus I don't know if you've ever had that experience where the lights turn on but my heart tonight what I hope to do tonight is to turn the light on lust that you would see it for what it is that you would know what it is because it seems like it's it's this thing that is there and you don't really know what is it is it natural is it not what am I supposed to do with it you know and and where it's gonna take you somewhere so we're in a series vice and virtue and this evening we're talking about lust and self-control and so last week we talked on forgiveness if you missed it I'd encourage you to podcast it to go in the poor chap and get that really it was the gospel that would be a message to share like many of the messages in this series but I feel like God did something special last week and I pray again that he's going to do it tonight tonight is mature content if you came here with your eight-year-old one how did you get in to - I'm gonna pray in a moment and I'm going to ask you to leave and if you're here you're listening to this anywhere in the world you're 18 I'm gonna ask that you turn it off we are gonna speak really candidly on this topic this evening and at this church I don't know what church you grew up in at this church we just handle these topics really candidly and especially on a Tuesday feel a lot of freedom to speak really directly to this issue so let me pray and that's where you would exit again if you're under 18 Lord we do just ask for your help this evening I know that the enemy hates this message hates this text hates your scripture hates me and these people and wants to see them abuse themselves on this topic father I know my friends are all over the place in regards to their struggles lord I pray for those that are listening online couldn't get in the parking lot here those in Houston and and those in Fort Worth and El Paso in Tulsa and all over the world Lord that you would heal us tonight I pray this would be a resource God as we read from the scriptures that it would be a resource that we share with others and those who struggle our friends and our peers set us free in Jesus's name Amen now feeding your lusts is going to cost you more than you could have ever imagined I'm going to speak from four authorities right now and they're not all created equal but the first one is the scripture this is God who loves you who has a plan for your life and and so he puts sexual sin in a specific category he says these sin sexually sins against his self the he alludes to Jesus alludes to to sexual sin can drag you all the way to hell and that's gonna a statement that's gonna need some unpacking I hope to do so before you leave for this evening the second authority is my own experience I've been a slave to this sin okay that's what you need to know if we don't know each other I've been a slave to pornography sexual addiction I have sat in that prison I hope to turn the light on so that you can see the cell walls because I lived in it I've seen the cost firsthand the third Authority is all of you the last 11 years over a decade I've met with thousands of you literally thousands of you that have fallen victim to the enemy's tactics as it relates to lust I've seen those who've done it well and those who've done it poorly I've seen those who win and those who lose I've seen the likes of dozens and dozens maybe hundreds of marriages I know who is successful and who's not so many obvious patterns you think you're going to escape the odds you think you're going to live outside of God's law his commands for your life and get away with it and you will not you won't you will not be the first person in the history of history to do that so I beg you to heed his warning this evening and the fourth Authority is just the current of our culture what's going on in around us the the trends if I was to have everyone stand up and I won't I don't want to embarrass anyone the heart tonight is not to shame anyone but if I said hey everyone stand up and and sit down if you've had sex with less than eight people the majority of you would still be standing I know that I understand the problem that I'm speaking to this evening hey I if I said hey everyone's standing I said hey sit down if you have an STD or you've had an STD you or someone beside you would sit down about one in three here this evening if you if I asked you know have you ever been sexually assaulted before this message is over maybe 40 or 50 times every 90 or are way more than that I'm sorry my math is off every 98 seconds in America every 98 seconds that comes from rain 40 million Americans are sexually involved with the Internet that's such a weird sentence to read 40 million Americans are having sex with the Internet 8 out of 10 that's 80% of men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography at least monthly 13 million American women click on pornography sites each month I know it's not just a men's problem I know that I know it's not 1 in 3 viewers of pornography or women it's a huge issue then it's hurting you and it's killing your dreams I hope to turn the light on in the same way if you you you walked into a room and there's a baby in the corner and and and and he's playing or she's playing with with a rattle some sort of baby toy and then you turn the lights on to find out it's a rattlesnake that's what this is doing that's what this is like this thing that we're playing with that we've embraced that we've called normal it's killing you it's killing your marriage long before you have a prospect it's killing your intimacy with God it's causing you to be depressed increasing your anxiety it's messed up your view of relationships you have no idea what you're doing all while the enemy is entertained by you I'm gonna be in I'm gonna start in first Thessalonians 4 if you if you think DFW or even America is sexually charged is a sexually charged culture I would just tell you we have nothing on Thessalonica and so Paul is writing this letter to the Thessalonians and it is normal there's no moral law here you can have children prostitutes molestation rape is completely fine there's there's no government going to come after you some of this has even encouraged it happens in church there's there's prostitution and temple worship through prostitution that is going on in this culture and so they're worse off than we are today in 2018 and so he's going to write this letter to address these things says this and the reason I'm reading this to you up front is because it displays the dichotomy of lust and self-control so I'm going to start here and then we'll dive into the points it says this in verse 3 it is God's will that you should be sanctified that's a churchy word it means becoming more dedicated to God it's God's will you want to know what God's will is for your life that you would become more like Christ it's God's will that you would be sanctified here's how you do that yet that you should avoid sexual immorality that's the Greek word porneia it's where we literally get the word pornography from this Greek word right here that you should avoid sexual immorality that each of you should learn to control your but your own body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know God there's people who don't know God see also me at that club and that girl at the beginning of tonight I didn't know God what was I doing exactly what I should have been doing because I didn't know God why didn't I leave with her only common grace I have no idea no right explanation but the Lord and His mercy protected me from further foolishness and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister you don't say take another drinker or please can I go a little further ok it's called rape be really careful no no let's just keep going don't do that but not for that reason see the Lord will punish all those who commit such sins you see that the Lord will punish those who commit such sins fear the wrath of God as we told you and warned you before for God did not call us to be impure but to live a holy life therefore anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being you're not rejecting me tonight but God the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit and that's the only way you're gonna win how you gonna find victory his holy spirit that's all you got what this text does is it sets up a dichotomy it shows you two tour guides there's two tour guides they both want to take you on a tour okay one is you're lost you're passionate lust one is self-controlled by the power of the Spirit this one is extremely attractive and any and he gives you exactly what your flesh desires and you look at me like man I want to follow you but he wants to take you and chained you up and beat you and abuse you and cut you and throw you off a cliff and this one over here through the lens of the world not so attractive this one almost appears boring it's kind of like your mom saying eat all your vegetables you know it's good for you to follow you and the path is it's not very worn not many people follow have followed this tour guide but the second you start to follow him he pushes back the trees into an open pasture with a flowing stream and a beautiful beach nearby and animals of bright colors and beautiful paradise he offers you he says delight taste and see that the Lord is good the dichotomy in this text I'll show you under self-control we see God's will we see sanctified that's becoming more dedicated to God we see that we are able to control our body we see that we're holy and honorable this is where the tour guide leads a life that is holy we can be with God by the holy spirit with the holy spirit with us at all times and the other tour guide takes us to sexual immorality passionate lust straight from the text pagans not that's none believers people that don't know God we take advantage of people will be punished it's called the sin it's an impure life it's for those who reject instruction choose your path friends choose your path just choose wisely let's talk about what causes lust as we dive into this we're gonna look at the cause of lust the cost of lust and the cure for lust and and before I dive into these points I want you to know you will control your sexual desires are they or you will be controlled by them you control your sexual desires or you will be controlled by them now what we have to do up front is you have to self-identify not publicly but in your mind you just need to know right now hey is this message for me do I struggle with this okay and so let's just ask a few questions you know as you think through pornography have you seen it in the past six months have you pursued it and I don't just mean porn of the traditional sense as an Instagram hashtag chasing social media have you looked at something have you masturbated in the past six months is that something that you've taken part of have you been sexually involved with someone in the past six months has you gone further than you were supposed to as your body as you hung out with them began to prepared itself for sex I got a message for you I'm glad you're here Lord in His sovereignty he's got something for you let's talk about the cause of lust if I define it from the internet it's a very strong sexual desire for someone a very strong sexual desire for someone hey I have a prediction that someone will soon be changed to something okay because our culture is getting more and more pervert perverted soon my prediction it will be a very strong sexual desire for something and so we're gonna talk about what this looks like in your life it's for activities for activities I think that lust looks like for you the first one is sexual thoughts and fantasy sexual thoughts and fantasy you beginning to think through things as you drive down the road just feeding thoughts hey here's what I would do with her here's what I would do with him a man did I see his six-pack as he was playing volleyball and you're just reading those thoughts and be man what would it be like to be with that watching the romantic comedy and just thinking hey I want something like that feeding those thoughts and then the second one is sexual acts outside of God's design for marriage this is sex of any kind its its oral sex anal sex vaginal sex sexting masturbation it can be any sort of sexual activity outside of God's design for marriage lust the third one is pornography Instagram snapchat hashtag chasing porn sites movies Fifty Shades freed apps virtual reality that's where we're headed some of you've already been there you've already drank from that muddy pond sorry so sorry the fourth one is masturbation this is what you do with pornography or the sexual thoughts it's it's sex by yourself it's sex with yourself it's sex with someone of the same sex namely you that's what this is I'm not trying to shame you but I gotta shed a light on it and this is the cyclical cycle that we get into because you feed the thoughts which is going to take you somewhere always going to take you somewhere you're gonna look at something see something then you act out on it no one looks at porn and doesn't masturbate doesn't happen right you look at that to find an experience that release that's what you're doing so that you can experience sexual release so that you can find that hi yet again cope with another thing yet again and we just get stuck in this cycle the more we act out the more we think about those things and the more we think about those things the more we pursue them the more we pursue them the more we act out on them and you think how do I become a sexual pervert Weinstein Louie CK or whoever comes to mind when I say that I was a sexual pervert how do you become one one step at a time one click at a time one text at a time one site at a time one app at a time and as we feed our lust guess what happens apatite grows every time every time you feed something it grows it gets bigger that's the way that it works this is the lie of one last time I'm gonna call him one last time we're gonna get together one last time I'm gonna watch that one last time I'm gonna go there one last time no you're not because you just fed something and it got bigger and so next time it's gonna be more difficult I'm gonna masturbate one last time how many times have you said that no you're not no you're not you know what you could say right now the last times behind you man take a deep breath everybody take a deep breath for me last times behind you one more times you have to do it anymore you'll have to look at that anymore you don't have to go there anymore you can stop killing yourself you stop killing your marriage you stop killing love so what is lust the reality is you were born with a god-given desire it happens and when you go through adolescence you start to desire the opposite sex you start to think about them and and you notice them different and and if you were abused as a child this can be different for you and I would encourage you to seek help we're here for you we're helping but we would love to help you like we have hundreds and hundreds of others but the reason that this happens around that time is because your body is able to make life it's a pretty amazing thing that when a man and a woman come together they can create another human being this is God's genius design and so this desire that's been inside of us it's like a flame it says in first Corinthians seven nine but if they cannot control themselves they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion it describes that pash as a burning like I think of it like a candle like a unity candle that everyone is born with or it shows up when you go through adolescence a flame some sort of burning some sort of desire but you can imagine what happens when you begin to look at pornography when you begin to masturbate it's like pouring kerosene on that faint flame it turns into a dysfunctional unruly bonfire that is going to burn everything that it touches and so the cause of lust is you feeding your fleshly desires let's talk about the cost of lust why it's so dangerous the cost of lust again the cost you you're burning every relationship that you get in let's take a look at those same four categories if we can the first one sexual thoughts in fantasy feeding these thoughts only caused the desires to grow right and so you're making it more difficult for yourself I've said it before it's like shopping with no money you either leave frustrated or you take something that didn't belong to you those thoughts that you have to act out on them you'll just get frustrated and what happens is you just become like you feel dysfunctional and so you ride an elevator with someone of the opposite sex and you start wondering what's beneath their clothes you start wondering what his abs look like or you start wondering your mind goes that you wonder does her bra match her panties these are the thoughts and then you go back to your desk and those thoughts are still spinning and you feel like you can't work and you're you're distracted what are those thoughts gonna do for you are they gonna help you you feel dysfunctional the second one sector sex out sexual acts outside of God's design for marriage well you know what happens see God designed sex for children and so what happens when a man and a woman have sex is his she gets pregnant and so there's seven hundred thousand abortions a year these are lives ended of lust that someone's lust literally cost a life let your mind get around that a human beings not here listen I know that's many of you grace to you we love you we're glad you're here I'm not mad at you if you've trusted in Christ God's not mad at you for the sake of those around you tell your story stop thinking you're gonna take that to your grave that's a foolish plan receive grace and forgiveness and tell others so they can step in to the freedom guys I know this is part of your deal to some of you funded it tell your story find healing stop staying in that prison kids are being born into you know a single-parent home 40% of children now born to unmarried women comes from the CDC when we talk about STDs and this here's the deal for years and years and years STDs have been on the decline until our watch till millennials showed back up on the scene and now chlamydia gonorrhea syphilis they're back with a vengeance and the vast majority the number one perpetrator is Millennials that's us 35 percent of Americans who have herpes do not know it thirty five percent don't know they have it one in five people who are living with HIV have not yet been diagnosed meaning they don't know it yet seventy five percent of women living with chlamydia don't yet know it seventy five percent don't know it yet talk about how it's emotionally compromising what we do is we train our bodies not to bond to someone see we're addicted to variety so we will never be satisfied by monogamy you don't understand the dangers of having sex with her and her and her and her and her click her click her click her click again returning to that website you are retraining God's design you'll never ever ever be satisfied in a marriage you don't understand how dangerous this lateral snake your holding is you and I the porn addict is going to a university meaning you're being trained over and over you're being taught to use people for pleasure and I've heard it said very well I love this because this is so experienced ly true if you sneak over the fence to steal the fruit it doesn't taste as good when you go through the front gate you don't want the real thing you want the counterfeit you don't want filet mignon you want dog food you've trained yourself to eat dog food and so when the filet is sitting on the table you want the Alpo that's what your tastebuds have been trained for how sad pornography the third category what does it create the cost of pornography it creates sexual dysfunction both I think about the two ends of the spectrum you have erectile dysfunction and then you have premature ejaculation because you're trying to do it as fast as you can over and over by yourself so porn is gonna make you an awful lover an awful of its them it's a selfish act so when you come together with with someone under the context of marriage and you're supposed to love them selflessly you have no idea how to do that you've been learning the other way I've got to tell you I said every time I tackle this message I share the same story you got to understand God's design this is genius design that God created our bodies to function the way they do he made the parts he loves sex it's his idea he invented it it's a fantastic idea an amazing invention whenever you experience orgasm you experience the highest levels of oxytocin that your brain can naturally produce the highest levels of dopamine that can be produced naturally these are the feel-good hormones the feel-good natural drugs in your body and so sex is the most pleasure orgasm is the most pleasure that you can experience naturally and so what it does is when you experience that act your brain creates synapses synapses are like muscles those muscles bond your five senses to your surroundings listen closely so that whenever you experience an orgasm the smell the visual the feeling your body is very literally bonding to something psychiatrists call it sex glue today now you can imagine what happens when you introduce pornography you get addicted to variety or you train yourself systematically not to bond to anything a case study in this this is in a psychological Journal famous case study is about the boots it's the boot story and so a boy in adolescence comes downstairs and and he had masturbated upstairs his dad heard and he comes down to breakfast his dad makes fun of him parenting no no but for the rest of his adolescence the boy would put on his boots and go into the pasture into the backyard and he that's where he would masturbate for the rest of his adolescence he didn't know where to look he'd look down at his boots to this day now an adult he cannot have sex without his boots on why his brain bonded to his boots there's another case study of someone who is sexually attracted finds sexual release with their car an inanimate object why because they bonded to it there's thousands of stories of people who cannot have sex without a porno on the TV or a magazine open on the bed this is what you're doing to yourself how long you're gonna do it to yourself well you lift up your head when you look backwards has it been since the fifth grade has it been that long how long you gonna do it to yourself friends would you stop the last time could be behind you could be behind you it's freedom in that consider God's brilliant design when one man and one woman they've not really experienced anything sexually they come together on their wedding night it's really awkward and uncomfortable it hurts it's not really fun but they have an entire lifetime to experiment they don't know what they're doing it's clumsy but they have an entire lifetime to figure it out together and as they continue to come together and he hasn't experienced that with anybody else she remains the epitome of attraction for him even when she becomes 50 and 60 years old and 70 years old in 80 years old his brain continually bonding to her how beautiful is that is God not a genius do you see how we've reverted it the risk of pornography is sexual deviance this comes from a write up neuropharmacology it says the brain's reward center doesn't know the difference between porn that's okay to use which there's not important that's not cool all it knows is that it likes dopamine so when something sick or disturbing pops up and is linked with sexual arousal the brain wires that into the user sexual template the same part of the brain that is stimulated by porn is the same part of the brain that is stimulated by horror movies when you see someone get their head cut off it's it's the same sort of sensation and it porn is a extremely slippery slope you you can see the growing problem of child pornography you see how you start with just wanting to see someone naked and then wanting to see them in the act and then wanting to see multiple people of the same sex and then wanting to see bondage S&M animals I don't know it's a slippery slope y'all it takes you somewhere that's an abusive guide you're following he wants to kill you think about the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey in Fifty Shades free now that sadomasochism is becoming a normal pursuit I can even say that with a clear conscience like do you think that when God invented sex he was like man I hope they tie each other up and hurt each other whips and candles and gags don't you see how you're getting tricked I mean Satan's watching you and being entertained by look they enjoy hurting each other they think it's love you are being fooled man would you wake up you are being tricked it's not loving it's it's hurtful it's satanic 2012 poll said that most porn users agreed with the statement my taste became increasingly extreme and deviant consider anal sex researchers in England recently published a study where they looked at boys heterosexual boys 8 16 to 18 year old and they began to ask them questions and they said that they had been trying most or many of them said that they had been trying to convince their girlfriends to have anal sex even though they knew that it would hurt her we're here we go how did we get here I think we're lost I think we lost our way man they were asked why why would you do that why would you want to do something harmful to your boyfriend I'm to your girlfriend they said because we saw it in porn Satan's having a heyday man watching us hurt each other another side effect symptom of porn as you desire counterfeit see these women they have fake breasts the men are endowed differently than most men and this just creates insecurity see she's not just comparing you to the eight men that she's been with she's comparing you with the hundreds of men that she's watched and this is a terrifying thing for women that you might be comparing her to your other partners or to the porn stars you look and some of you have bought the lie you want to look like a porn star you look at them and you want your body to look like that and you not just pursuing you're not just pursuing the counterfeit you want to be the counterfeit one statistic said that in the near future more people will be having sex with robots than humans you want to know where we're headed I just told you where we're headed Jesus come quickly porn kills love as a movement comes from fight the new drug tour guide encourage you to go there fight the new drug org lastly let's talk about masturbation masturbation teaches you selfishness not sacrifice masturbation makes you a terrible lover as I said earlier you get used to a particular feeling yourself and you seek to finish as fast as possible it trains you toward premature premature ejaculation premature orgasm and can you think of a marriage hell that you would be in a covenant relationship with someone of the opposite sex someone who loves God someone beautiful and yet you can't enjoy them because you'd rather seek pleasure by yourself and it happens all the time like I'm not talking crazy up here this is a serious issue it happens all the time I want you to know man there is hope there is hope I can I can remember being in a small group effort I became a believer and we were going around sharing and one guy said hey I just wanted to give you guys some encouragement don't we need some encouragement in this message right about now we need some encouragement let me let me give you some encouragement he said hey guys its my anniversary relationship it has been three years since I masturbated and I was a new believer and I was like three years is that even possible like you didn't die you still with that you went three years I didn't even know if that could be done and it can be done I said I want you to know now I've been following Christ for a while and have experienced personal incredible freedom and if you feel hopeless and I've taught this enough to know that many of you right about now feel really really hopeless and take somehow I found freedom of freedom that I didn't think was possible if you think that that the solution was marriage let me tell you something it only gets a whole lot worse than marriage it only all of those desires and all of those problems only grow in marriage you need to know that yeah I need you to take my word for it or hundreds of other people I could have you talked to and so I this is what it's like this I read this this week and this is what lust is like and so the stranded sailors sailors that have been capsized in the ocean the the problem is they're out there the Sun is scorching them you've seen this in the movie unbroken with Louie Zamperini they're out there and they're so thirsty but the irony is they're surrounded by water and and this is the biggest problem for those who have been shipwrecked the the number two cause of death is drinking salt water because when you drink it the more you drink the more you crave it all it's doing is poisoning you your body can't your kidneys can't process salt water and so you're sitting out there in the middle of the ocean surrounded by water drown I mean of thirst and in the same way you are surrounded you have a flame you have a desire and you're surrounded in a sexually charged culture you can find nudity and sex of all kind at any given time but do not drink it's poisonous and the more you drink the more you want and the more you die it's a cruel cycle and so what do we do how do we find healing from this the cost of lust is life in love the cost of lust is life in love and so let's talk about the cure for lust as we leave the cure for lust the cure for lust I'll give it to you upfront is self-control it's learning self-control and so here's what I want you to think about like your flatlined like you're out there and and and you need CPR okay like you're dead the the screen just went blank and they want the light to come back on they want that heartbeat to come beep beep they want to come back on so you need CPR that's the acronym I'm about to give you CPR CPR two times CPR CPR the first C is for confess the word confess confess at the thought level every time write this down confess confess at the thought level when do you confess when you think it not when you act out on it not when you do something you confess then too but confess at the thought level you say JP I'll be confessing 20 30 40 60 times a day confess a thousand times a day wear out your community group oh yeah community group you're gonna need that too you need people in this fight with you other brothers and sisters who know you and love God and love you and know God who are up for the battle and you start to confess at the thought level that is when you confess and don't just um and let me just give you a scripture to go with that it's James 5:16 therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective and so the second thing you do is you pray ever have someone confess something to you and not immediately pray for them that's the formula God gave us through James when they confess you pray that's where healing comes from they confess you pray and so you pray for them every single time and you and I we need to pray honest prayers this is when I experienced freedom myself is I would wake up in the morning I said god I don't want to lust after a woman today god I don't want to go back like a dog to his vomit to those web sites today God would you strengthen me Holy Spirit would you help me to take my thoughts captive when I think when I think about her help me to pray help me to shift help me to think about you and you wage war and it's gonna be a battle man it is not for the faint at heart it's not for little boys and not for little girls it is an all-out war for warriors and soldiers and you got to be up for the fight because there's some sleepless nights ahead of you you wake up at 2 a.m. you don't know what to do you fight you're saying I don't sleep that night maybe not you fight like you're at war and the enemy's coming in through the window you fight confess pray r is for repent repent is is to turn that's what the word means you changed the goal like my little girl when she's playing basketball and she gets the rebound and she starts going the wrong way because they changed goals at halftime I'm her dad on the sideline say hey you're going the wrong way go that way go that way go that way and at some point she listens and she changes the goal you changed the goal you turn from the desire for immediate gratification the desire for immediate pleasure you change the goal you're gonna go out with them you're gonna go without immediate pleasure that's what you need to know that's what's gonna happen you're no longer gonna gratify that change the goal the ii c is for Christ as you turn from your sin you turn toward Jesus John Piper said I know no other way to overcome sin than to find the superior satisfaction in Jesus what do I mean by pursuing Jesus look I'm looking out here I see a bunch of gifted people I see a bunch of young adults that God wants to use fill your life with the things of God I'm talking Bible studies community groups maybe you go back to seminary okay you start to read and study the Bible everyday writes some songs worship Him everyday you you join the church if you're not obvious join a church that you would get into a small group there you feel your life with the things of God turn on Christian radio start to read Christian books fill your life with the things of Christ and get some accountability and in the way that like I don't like to work out but if I know that somebody's gonna meet me up there I'm gonna be up there and so you get some accountability around you you pursue Christ this is when I knew that I was going to be okay I was growing in my relationship with Jesus there was a billboard that I would see every day on the way home on 635 it was a woman in a bikini and every day I'd look at that billboard not lust and one day I'm growing in my relationship with Christ and I'm talking to him and I'm praying in the car out loud as I drives what I do radio off I'm praying out loud and I know that bill was coming because I see it every single day and I'm approaching her she's beautiful and on this particular day I'm like it's not worth it it's not worth this it's not worth intimacy with Christ I'm not gonna look at it and in that moment was the first glimmer of hope I had so I thought I'd juggle the porn of masturbation till I died and in that moment I knew I was gonna be okay I knew that the Lord was gonna heal me the next P is for pursue pursue marriage pursue becoming someone the the one you're looking for is looking for we've said before pursue marriage what I mean by pursue marriage is is not going to marriage with a porn struggle I mean find freedom so that you can get married if you want marriage if you want to experience sexual intimacy that's your outlet and so you begin to prepare yourself for marriage I get asked all the time what do I do if my boyfriend's looking at porn what do I do if my girlfriend's looking at porn you ready that's where I make some enemies you break up you look them in the eyes you say you know what I love you too much to stay in this relationship I want you to find freedom maybe you wait for them maybe you don't that's your prerogative okay but you point them in the direction of healing and you say hey weed I don't want to be a stumbling block toward for you getting well and so pursue marriage and the last stars you remove access you remove access this in my opinion is how I know after a decade of doing this if someone's gonna get well or not if they're willing to remove access like how do you look at porn my cellphone you get rid of your cell phone how do you look at porn my laptop you get rid of your laptop I'd have to quit my job you change your jobs you're willing to change your job let's play that game what are you willing to do to be free you remove access you you added how do I look at porn you said well I can always do this and you listen yeah absolutely man but make it difficult for yourself then you say man isn't that legalism let me show you the words of Jesus he said in Matthew 5 you have heard it was said you shall not commit adultery but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart if your right eye causes you to stumble gouge it out throw it away it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell and if your right hand interesting that he goes hands there I'll let you think about that and if your right hand causes you to stumble cut it off and throw it away it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell and so he's saying hey this guide that you want to follow seeks to take you all the way to hell am I saying that you can lose your salvation no I'm saying that the Holy Spirit does not allow Christ followers to be given over to sexual immorality for their life that the Holy Spirit seeks to rescue you will you respond to him and if you do not respond to him if you close your heart to the Holy Spirit why would you assume that you know Jesus these are the word words of Jesus and so get help in this room on Monday at 6:30 for those of you in Dallas those who are listening fine to celebrate recovery or a regeneration in your town in this room Monday nights at 6:30 you walk in and there'll be thousands of other people who are seeking to get help you listen if you've looked at porn in the past six months don't come to the porch next Tuesday come to region on Monday I'd rather you go there I want to see you well 6:30 Monday night and so the cause of lust is you're feeding your fleshly desires the cost of lust is life and love and the cure for lust is allowing the Holy Spirit to give you CPR that you confess pray repent see Christ pursue and remove CPR CPR I think the goal for so many of us is marriage you want to get married but the reality is is you're gonna get into a marriage and you don't understand that that you're thinking that marriage is your opportunity to try all this crazy stuff the stuff that you've seen and so then you've got two options you can marry someone who's tried all kinds of crazy stuff and they're ready for that or you can marry someone who's really really intimidated by the fact that you want to try all kinds of crazy stuff and that doesn't go well for anybody and so you can think of an ideal would be like I said that two would come together they don't know about the crazy stuff they've set no evil before their eyes and you say man how do I get there though JP I'm so far past that man you don't understand you start the undoing tonight that the last time would be behind you you guys you guys have been to weddings right and anybody been to a wedding still with me I know it's long about to let you go home right now you've been to a wedding okay good like three of you've been to a wedding that's awesome sometimes they they do this thing like the the unity candle right and so anybody seen the unity candle and so it's like the you know there's there's these two candles and one represents the the husband and one represents the wife but for the person who has looked at pornography right it's like that flame the flame looks like that it's not like a normal flame so I don't know if we can kill this light but this this flame it's like a bigger flame I mean this light thank you it's like you've poured kerosene you're gonna go into marriage with that and you think you know I'm gonna I'm gonna go and like this this candle over here but but you're not just burning your life down do you understand that like it's not just your life that you've been burning down you're gonna burn her life down his life down your children's life down like it's all it's all gonna be melted away right in front of your eyes can I tell you something crazy it's melting away right now you just don't know it you don't understand it you haven't seen it can't tell you something crazier God he loves you so much he has you here he has you there he has you listening that you would understand the instructions and not just watch and not just watch a life melt away like that that he has a better plan for you that when to become one that it would be this beautiful expression of love by the power of the Holy Spirit that would be the beginning of the creation of a family but they'd have children and they raised them to know God the one true God such a beautiful thing some of you women you're hearing this and you're like man say P you don't understand I don't have an option like I want to get married but like nobody's asking me out you should especially porns not give into it not take the shortcut the reason is pornography it's keeping you single not just your struggle their struggle you should especially hate it some of you you're really gifted like you might need to go into politics and and and write the government and and do something to abolish pornography for the sake of you know children who are being things doing something crazy over here insane you just see it's just melting away your life you worry about that lamp I see you that's all part of the illustration you catch yourself funny it's melting away your life there's no unity in that that's what's happened that's what's been happening it's what you've been a part of I'm gonna pray for us i'ma pray for you some of you you think I've been talking to you and it's because I've been talking to you I hope the Holy Spirit's been talking to you what if the last time was behind you what what if the next time you experience any kind of sexual release that that you prompted you're on your honeymoon with someone who loves Jesus more than you and you you know it's not full of shame and you're not wondering how many people they're comparing you to you're not trying to perform you just make him beautiful of an act of worship it's an act of worship how awesome would that be father would you make that true for my friends here in Dallas and Fort Worth Houston Tulsa Oh Paso South Africa wherever somebody's listening guy would you set them free father I want to thank you for the freedom that I've experienced personally that you would allow me to take my mess and make it a message it's a privilege father would you do something powerful this evening in the hearts of my friends that some of them are here with their significant other it's been so awkward this whole time and there's gonna be some breakups in the parking lot would you give them courage and there were some of them have they feel like you've forgotten them they want to get married and they're just like we're and like like I've been saving myself and I've been pursuing purity and where is he Lord would you help them to get out of the waiting room God and to set the focus on making much of you with their life using their singleness and father I don't want to end this prayer or this message or this evening without celebrating the gospel so I declared in this prayer that your son Jesus Christ has died for all our sins past present and future he died for every time we've looked at pornography every time we've masturbated every time we've had sex of any kind God Jesus died for that he paid for it you aren't holding that against us would you allow us to embrace that payment to celebrate that freedom and to not continue to sin but to live a life for you in the name of Christ Jesus amen

Channel: The Porch

Views: 168,328

Rating: 4.923749 out of 5

Keywords: Love, Sex, Pornography, Dating, Masturbation, Lust, Marriage, Self-Control, Jonathan, Pokluda, Watermark, Community, Church, The Porch, Dallas, Plano, Fort, Worth, Houston, El Paso, Jesus, Christ, Christianity, Vice, Virtue, Vice & Virtue, sexual desires

Id: WjnOUXglgTY

Length: 59min 34sec (3574 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 15 2018