How To Improve Your Marriage | Pastor Jabin Chavez

I want to talk just a couple of minutes how to improve your marriage there it is that was it that was there I just want you to have a better marriage I want you to win a marriage I believe there's hope for your marriage I really do and I've been praying for you all week that God would just give hope today to every married couple and but before I pray I want to just tell you this story stay with me one more minute I asked my dad my parents have been married 43 years and I asked my dad said dad what's one of the biggest fights you've ever gotten into with mom and he goes oh it was after our first marriage conference I said what do you mean he said dude I got in the car I was so hyped I thought I don't know who that preacher was talking to but not to us we're awesome like we got a great marriage she was talking all the other idiots and he's driving down the road you know leaving marriage conference thinking oh man that was not for us and after a couple of minutes he hears some sniffling and he looks over my mom she's bawling he goes honey who died she goes our marriage should I get up and and he goes whoo I realized we had some work to do hello okay let me just say to all the husbands don't listen to me today and think oh man I hope she's listening let her have it Chapin oh Jesus opener art Jesus know all the wives don't elbow your husband don't bump them and don't even pray for him I want you to pray for yourself because I believe God wants to talk to you okay and so I'm gonna pray over the word and I want you to join me and in your in your own heart just asking the Holy Spirit to talk to you okay so let's pray Holy Spirit I just pray in the name of Jesus that you would speak so clearly to every person in this room in Jesus name Amen amen Jesus said what God has joined together I just want you to know that God is passionately committed to your marriage the people come to Jesus in mark 10 and they're basically looking for reasons to divorce their spouses can we can we do it for this can we do it for this well the law says this will Moses said that and he said listen it is God's plan that you stay together this is a god thing marriage is a god thing it's not a cultural thing it's not a cultural idea it's a God idea and I want you to just get this in your head today God is joining together God is bringing together God is bringing you closer if you could imagine it like this I want you to imagine Jesus in the middle and he's got your hand and he's got your spouse's hand and he is doing everything in his power to bring you together he is committed to your marriage he wants to see you win in marriage he wants to see you enjoy your marriage he wants to see you happy in your marriage and he is committed to seeing your marriage win but there is another one he said what God is going together let no one separate so that means that God is shining but there are people there are mentalities there are spirits there is a cultural idea there are outside forces and outside voices and inward issues and those things are trying to separate so you just got to know this today that if you feel like your marriage is in a place of separation that is not God God's trying to bring you together but there are some things and maybe some people and maybe some ideas and maybe some cultural norms that are now in our culture that are trying to separate and now the question is well as divorce ever an option of course listen you can't live with someone that's beating you up that's putting you in danger putting your kids in danger of course not if there's been a sexual misconduct if there's been adultery you need to go to counseling and you need to prayerfully consider if you want to move forward with the marriage and you have the right to leave if they broke in that covenant so there are reasons to divorce but they're very few and they're very far between so fifty percent of marriages are ending in divorce Las Vegas has the highest divorce rate in America think about that 50 percent so our 50% of marriages ending because people just married a terrible person and you're like yes no sometimes sometimes you end up meeting marrying someone and you find out that they've got inward issues and they've got different brokenness in their life they're fighting different demons and stuff is going on and you find out man this is not the person that I thought I married you find out they're unfaithful you find out they're violent you find out different things about them you find out that they're abusive and so yes that can happen but that's not that's not the 50% here's what I believe I believe that most marriages fail because it's hard work and you didn't think it was hard work if I was gonna be like the notebook you thought it was gonna be like the Titanic until you feel like roses left you sinking you know what I'm saying like you thought it was just gonna be romance and sex and fun and and that is a part of marriage but marriage is hard work y'all it's not easy if it was easy more people would stay married so I think that we just have this idea I'll never forget there was this old story of two old men sitting on the front porch and there was a younger guy there the younger guy tells the two older men yeah when I get married my wife is gonna cook dinner for me every night when I get married we're gonna have sex whenever I want and when I get married I'm gonna make sure that house is always spotless and when I get married I'm gonna make sure you gonna have as many kids as I want her to have it when I give it and and finally the older man looked at the other older man and said do you want to tell him and the other older man look back and if it goes let him find out I think we just had this idea and marriage isn't necessarily it well it's not hard I mean the things that my wife and I were told about marriage I mean we're terrible people were trying to talk us out of it and are you sure and yeah I mean no but it is hard work and especially if you want to stay married for a long time and especially if you want to actually be happy it's gonna take hard work listen marriage only works if you work matter totally works if you do if you don't want to put in the work it's not going to work if you don't want to put in the time it's not gonna work if you're not gonna put in the effort it's a marriage doesn't just automatically work it's like a vehicle you've got to keep it up well we've fallen out of love well yeah but you've also run out of gas when you run out of gas in your car you don't go out that's it need to go buy a new one and let me just say this if you're gonna be married 10 years 20 years 30 years 40 years 50 years six years there are going to be times where the warm and fuzzies go away and you're gonna have to work on it I've noticed that usually opposites attract then you get married and opposites attack I just let he's such a free spirit he's just really he's teaching me to dream until you see his bank account until you find out how he spends money she's just so structured she just I mean she really has a good head on her shoulders until she wants to know how you're spending your money and then it's she's controlling man the thing that attracted you to them is usually the thing that will cause you to attack them later on in your marriage you've got to be able to work on this so let me just give you three ways to improve your marriage today right now I believe your merits can get better right now here's the number one refused to listen to the voices of separation refused to listen to the voices of separation okay every one of us in this room has friends that [Laughter] that are gonna be biased towards you that's not a bad thing it's a good thing you need some friends that you are innocent till proven guilty and even if you're guilty you're still innocent because we friends all right I talked about that last week so we all have some friends that are that have a bias towards us but you need to make sure that that's not the only voice speaking into your marriage so I kept here a newlywed dude don't call mama when you get in a fight cuz mama don't trust her yet and Mama still sees you as her little meat hall I know she was no good for you me call you come home I'll cook you dinner she's being a good mom but she's probably not helping your marriage I am I am convinced the reason Shannon and I are married today will celebrate 12 years had to think about that we'll celebrate 12 years in August the reason I believe we're married is because we got married away from family so when we thought we couldn't run home to mom we just had to go to different rooms and work it out it's okay to have biased voices in your life but you also need check this on the screen you need non-biased truth-tellers you need non-biased truth tellers in your life that will actually tell you the truth well yeah he's just this and he's that and he's this and he's a and you need someone to look back at you and go yeah but we're you AB are you nice well I mean how can I be nice with an animal like that and I don't know yeah but maybe [Laughter] I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just saying maybe they're not as wrong and maybe you're not as right and maybe you need a non-biased truth teller that can just look at you and and and tell you the truth like like I look at J and Adi I know these guys since they were probably a middle school I only know them as J and Nadya I couldn't even say J without Nadya I couldn't say Nadya without Jake I only know them as say Nadya even when they were dating other people in high school to get at each other well now I'm telling all your business but you were in high school even then it was still Jo Nadya guy just so I don't have a bias towards junior towards Nadya I just see them as them and I want them to win okay you need people in your life that can see you as a couple and go I'm not gonna separate my love for them from this situation and I'm gonna talk very truthfully to you you got a guard now it's not just people it's spirits its ideologies it's even TV shows you got to be careful you've got to be careful to that there aren't things that you're watching that are actually undermining your commitment because if you watch TV single people are having sex married people aren't even though that is a total lie married people have more money married people have better sex married people aren't happier this is all proven y'all don't believe me but it's proven overall it's proven but that's not what culture is feeding you so you've got to be careful so here's how the Bible says it proverbs chapter 4 guard your heart be careful of what's coming in for everything you do is gonna flow out of it you've got to be careful what is coming in because whatever is coming in is going to go out guard your heart man guard your heart guard your heart guarding your heart against that woman at work guard your heart against that person at the gym that you just kind of always you're just always there oh look at that we just had the same elliptical again how are you doing Gracie God oh he's a jerk praise God guards your heart well I got to go to the gym find a new gym workout at home I heard you can do push-ups I can't do it but I heard guards your heart you gotta guard your heart against flirtation you got to go it's just flirting it's not it's cut it's going in and it's undermining your marriage guard your heart guard your heart against people guards your heart against boy do don't leave work and go to the bar with five dum-dums drinking beers all about how bad women are you're not gonna go home in a good mood you're not gonna go home married a committed to your marriage you're not gonna go home loving your kids you're gonna go home with a buzz you're gonna go home angry you're gonna go home with a beer belly you're gonna go home with with an automatic funky attitude towards your wife because you're letting those voices in and women you do it to get alone with your girlfriends how manner pigs man your pigs you can only say that so many times before you believe it all right and if you're married and you hang around single people who are mad oh yeah oh just leave I mean my life's never been better now that I'm single but I got rid of her yeah yeah I'm living with my mama but man I'm telling you I'm free how's that going dude play fort night although you're 30 you need to stop okay refuse to listen to voices of separation number to refuse to speak the language of separation okay you always you never you're separating you always forget important events don't know about your husband lady you'd never prioritize this you always want sex you never want you are you got it you got to get that out of your head you got it you got to stop because it's not true it's actually not true it's actually not true so don't say lies we talked about that last week if you start lying you'll believe your own lies and if you start lying against your spouse you'll actually start believing those things okay look at this proverbs 25 a word fitly spoken it's like apples of gold in a setting of silver J but what does that mean I don't know but it sounds fancy here's the point choose your words wisely the message paraphrase says it's like a beautiful piece of jewelry use your words wisely don't don't just spout off think before you speak refuse the language of separation when my wife and I first got married we found something out about ourselves that when we were fighting I wanted to fix it and when we were fighting she wanted space don't know what I'm saying so I'm chasing your baby we need to work this out get the Sun go down on her anger the devil's got a foot oh and she's going I just need a bath like I just need to need stress out of my life I just need to go in the room and hide it and I'm knocking on the door please [Laughter] you got to learn that okay they need space now space can't turn into months come on somebody but but sometimes it just has to be just give me a second go on a walk don't just say whatever you're thinking go on a walk cool off jump in a swimming pool do something take a shower go to the gym do something and don't don't just don't just say whatever you're thinking because everything you're thinking is not smart refuse the language of separation and when you're gonna communicate communicate needs in a positive way communicate needs in a positive way so dude you don't come home and go hey so Betty's got these really pretty nails honey you should do that too you're dead you don't ever compare your wife to another woman I was thinking about going blonde oh yeah that would be awesome because of so-and-so you're done bro you're done your sister don't ever say things like that ladies don't don't compare your man to another man hey maybe you should try it those things like a song songs I was great no no don't ever do that learn how to communicate in a positive way so you go home and say girl I love when you get your nails done makes me go crazy sexy I love it would you mind might have time this week that's alright I'll be thinking about it girl cuz I love you don't fight about it don't make it an issue learn how to communicate your your wants in your needs in a positive what is going on back there in a plan for everyone watching we're in the cafeteria okay um learn how to communicate in a positive way don't just don't just mouth off really think through what you're saying now here's what Ephesians 5 tells us it says wives submit to your husband's husbands love your wives and that amazing now for all my feminists in here I'm so happy you are that word submit doesn't mean you become a a welcome mat and you just get walked on all the time that's not what it is that word submit actually means a voluntary attitude Paul says st. just have a good attitude it doesn't mean you're gonna submit to everything he says but it just means happen have a voluntary attitude be up for it even if it's the dumbest idea ever let him talk about it we're gonna forget in two days amen you know baby I was just saying we need Bob oh I'm just telling you where you go to like meet every day don't just look at me go you idiot go oh well it's well next month let's look at the budget okay we're gonna in two days we're over the boat a voluntary attitude I'll tell the truth and shame the devil amen husbands love your wives now listen husbands you got to be loving it's hard for us to be loving now men want honored that's all we want ladies we just want honor we just want to feel like a king now I know that sounds terrible but it's the truth that's why whenever a man walks by a mirror Iike be 400 pounds he'll adjust [Laughter] and you and you've got to learn to show what's that honor no you don't you don't need honor you need love so it doesn't make sense to you but we just need some honor you just you just got to show a little love you just got show a little honor you just got to show a little respect that's why a man's number one sexual need is to know that he's satisfying his wife that's the number one sexual need we have I do good how stupid that we even ask and we do look over how's that baby y'all know it's you feel like I'm a prophet ah you're like how did he know oh my god I love it cuz we're all the same but women need love so look at this on screen wives speak to your husband with a tone of honor husbands speak to your wife with a tone of love an overall tone that brings you together and doesn't separate it's a tone it's a it's a tone of voice and so it's a it's a look it's a it's so much bigger than you think and guys we don't understand it because we don't need it and ladies you don't understand it because you don't need it and I think God did it this way because it causes you to actually have to work at your marriage number three refused to give any place to the separator refused to give any place married couples refused to give any place to the separator Ephesians chapter 4 don't give any place to the devil Bible said it like this don't go to bed angry now that doesn't mean that physical night sometimes the best thing you can do is just go sleep on it Amen okay doesn't mean you're up till 4:00 a.m. trying to talk it out what it means is we're not gonna live our lives with unresolved conflict can I get an amen so sometimes the best thing to do is go okay let's go to bed let's cool off let's talk in the morning and a lot of fights end up being what were we fight aren't we fighting what are we fighting about he's just you got to let it go but there are some times don't let that conflict continue to build so Paul saying address the conflict don't let anger into your mayor don't let a tone of anger into your marriage because here's what'll happen you will give a place to the devil first of all devil he didn't say Satan he didn't say Lucifer he didn't say the enemy he didn't say the thief he said the devil the devil is an amazing word it comes from the Greek word Diablos it means slanderer accuser one who separates check this definition out the word devil means author of evil if you give the devil a place in your marriage all he's gonna do is talk about your spouse he's just gonna talk she doesn't love you anymore she doesn't honor you she doesn't care about you he's nicer to other women he does this he does that and all he's gonna do is slander your spouse all he's gonna do is accuse your spouse that's actually what Revelation chapter 12 says it says that the devil is the accuser of the Brethren where is he going to start that with ETS started with your spouse he's gonna accuse and he's gonna be an author of evil that means he's not only going to share facts with you he's also going to make up scenarios he's going to be the author of evil in your relationships and if you don't address conflict and if you don't address anger in your marriage if you give a voice to the separator in your marriage the only thing that he's gonna do is he's gonna speak words of separation and then the Bible says it like this you're going to give him a foothold that word foothold means a place a geographical location a marked off location it's like to be stationed in the military have y'all ever met someone who's been stationed at Nellis yeah that's there that's where they're stationed imagine demons in Hell talking to each other yeah yeah I've been stationed over 297 main street yeah with that yeah they just won't resolve their conflict so now I have a place there think about it if you don't work on this you let the devil have a station have a geographical location have a home base in your home and it's not going to show up with you no weird supernatural occurrences and lamps falling and you know stupid no no no it's gonna show up he's gonna start talking to you and he's gonna convince you that the marriage is hopeless now here's another thing that you've got that where you can't give it a place Ephesians six tells us where a come-up I gotta finish the fusion six tells us that we put on the full armor of God listen so that on the day of evil you will be able to withstand listen not every day is the day of evil I believe your marriage should have more good days than bad days I believe that our life should have way more good days than bad days I don't believe every day is a fight every day should be a struggle every day should be a new issue come on somebody we believe God is good and we walk in his abundance his blessing his prosperity his breakthrough his miracles but how many know there are days of evil there are seasons where your marriage comes under attack one of the one of the greatest things that you're gonna have to learn how to do as a married couple is recognize we're in a we're in a season right now it's not you it's not me but we're in a day of evil and we have to be able to recognize it put on the full armor of God and combat some of you right now you're going home I that's what it is we're under attack and you're gonna have to learn how to fight the fight of faith in that season and sometimes it's not just the day of evil sometimes it's just a crazy season you know I'm saying it's just busy it's just life it's just it is what it is and in those seasons you have to recognize your season as a married couple and figure out okay the the strategy for last year is not working this year because we're carrying something new like that's happening for my wife and I right now we've never been senior pastors we've never had to deal with the pressures we're dealing with I've never felt the spiritual pressure that I feel she's never felt the the the natural pressure of running the church and doing that and then we have a child and we're trying to buy a home and we're trying to find a building for the church and blah blah blah so there's so many things were in a season of date night has to be priority connection has to be a priority conversation has to be a priority prayer has to be a priority we we have to carry something we've never carried before and we can't ignore it you actually have to address it maybe in your life maybe it's a new work schedule maybe it's a new job maybe it's more money maybe it's less money [Music] maybe it's new blessings maybe it's knew adversity whatever it is you have to be able to recognize it grab your spouse's hand and say we're getting through this we're in 8 we're in a either a day of evil or we're in a day of increased pressure and what the enemy will always do in transition I could I could preach I preached it on the road for years any time you see major transition in the Bible you see a major warfare every time every time there's transition there's a fight every time there's a breakthrough there's a fight every time there's a crossing over there's a fight it's all through your Bible so you just recognize it and then you hold each other close and saying we're not gonna let go because what God has joined together we're not gonna let anyone any outside force separated in Jesus name in Jesus name can you say Amen to God's Word come on betrayin together amen and then hey everyone I hope that message was an encouragement to you and if it was make sure you hit the like button make sure you subscribe we're always giving you new content and we want that to be a blessing to you into your life and hey if we've been a blessing to you remember you can always give at City Light Vegas com they're going to be a huge blessing to everything we're doing in Vegas and until next week we'll see you soon

Channel: City Light

Views: 2,618

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Keywords: city light church, city light vegas, jabin chavez, church in las vegas, How To Improve Your Marriage, tips on marriage, marriage tips, tips marriage life, marriage tips and advice, marriage tips for men, marriage tips for women, marriage tips for young couples, how to improve your marriage without talking about it, truth about marriage, truth about marriage life, christian marriage, christian marriage advice, biblical marriage advice

Id: qyWxKHZFKf4

Length: 31min 35sec (1895 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 30 2018