How to Go From Rock Bottom to the Top | Lori Harder on Impact Theory

I look at my rock bottom's and without them I would never do the work that I do I wouldn't have never found myself I would have never found my entire purpose on this planet your rock bottom is literally when there is nothing else the whole reason you're here can finally come through because you're stripped of everything and all you have is the internal and that's when you get the most clear answers everybody welcome to impact Theory our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that are gonna help you actually execute on your dreams all right today's guest is a three-time fitness world champion and self-made millionaire but that's today when she was a kid she was relentlessly bullied for her weight yet despite years of being belittled by her peers developing crippling anxiety and feeling like an outcast because she grew up in an ultra restrictive religious household in a tiny town she still believed in herself enough to strive for something more after falling in love with working out and how good it made her feel she poured herself headlong into fitness she began transforming her body and it became her obsession she read the magazines watched anything she could get her hands on and promised that one day she'd be the one with the amazing physique inspiring others at first there was a lot of failure but her discipline and insane work ethic finally began to pay off and at the height of her career as a fitness competitor she set a federation world record by winning miss bikini universe miss figure universe and miss bikini America titles all in one year not satisfied with just helping herself however she began a training business to help other women reach their full potential she quickly realized though that training the body without training the mind was fruitless so she launched her next company the Bliss project aimed at empowering women body mind and soul since then she's also launched the bliss habit and the body and soul program which include online courses meal guides any massive community to help support each person's unique journey of transformation she's also the host of the top iTunes podcast to earn your happy which has been downloaded over five million times and she has widely recognized as one of the top fitness experts on the planet she's been on the cover of countless magazines including oxygen strong fitness health and fitness and prosper and is a much sought after transformational speaker so please help me in welcoming the TEDx speaker and author of A Tribe Called bliss the queen of bliss herself Lauri harder it's a real moment amazing to have you on what you've done is a really incredible transformation knowing where you started and seeing where you end up is astonishing and what I want to talk about is bullying because bullying breaks most of the people that it touches why didn't it break you that is such a good question because I remember feeling like it did there were so many moments of when I look back just night after night crying in my bedroom I remember looking in the back of my mirror and just saying the most self-loathing things into that mirror and just feeling broken and wondering if tomorrow would be the day that I finally stuck to a diet if tomorrow would be the day that I could finally feel like I was disciplined enough to not eat like these were the thoughts that I was thinking at a young age like I remember eight years old saying these things in my head it was this weird dichotomy of like self-loathing along with bullying there would be these moments where it was like I knew I was meant for something bigger it's like maybe I'm going through this for a reason and that's really when fitness was kind of it's like when I would move my body I would be reminded that this was maybe temporary I'm gonna do something big had no idea what that was going to be but that was kind of the battling voices in my head that I'll show you voice is something I find really really interesting walk us through the story of the going to the swim party and the first time that that voice really spoke to you so first of all is it it's just so cool that you know all of this stuff how do you know that so there was a group in my church who was having like a just to get together going to a pool and I was so incredibly excited because I loved to swim it was like that place where I just felt total freedom right especially in the water and I was so excited to show off my skills because at the time it was like I loved to perform I loved to force everyone in my family to watch me like do dances and sing and all of that was that annoying kid in the family and so went to the pool was so excited about going off the diving board to show all of my friends what I could do and my crush happened to be there who I was obsessed with along with these two other girls that were in my church and they were they were super thin and I remember looking at them again that's such a young age and comparing my body to theirs and being like why am i not thin like them why can't I just be thin like them because I knew the boys liked them as well so I got up on the diving board and I remember just hearing chanting like all of a sudden hearing chanting from my friends and I tuned in and I was like oh my god they're saying whale they were yelling whale whale whale and in that moment it was just like totally deflated that was the moment that I realized that words are so energetic without knowing that's what what it meant and it was like it just slayed my heart and I jumped into the water because there was nowhere else to go and under the water I just I was bawling thinking I'm not going to come back up I don't want to come back up this was my friends like the only people that I had ever known are now basically criticizing me because of my body and now I'm feeling that I'm just a body and that I'm useless if it's not the body I want so there was a moment that was like I remember sinking and sinking and feeling the bubbles and hearing that whale in your ears have you ever had those moments where you just hear your own pain and there was this moment and it was like just wait just wait it was like I'm gonna show you and that was it it was like something went off in me that was I will never feel this much pain again I love that and I I wonder though have you ever been criticized by people who say well that's your just it's not coming from a pure place I'm just doing it to get back at these people something I haven't heard that because it changed it transformed so while that was the beginning what happened later is when I freed myself basically when I realized that you can have the body because as you the journey was more about me trying to protect myself to be honest it was okay if I get really fit if I you know accomplish these things no one can touch me I thought if I had the external that they wouldn't be able to penetrate it right I thought if I got the muscles if I won the titles so it started from that place of actually protection and then when I realized it doesn't matter what you have once I started on that journey you're not sad you're not satisfied and it doesn't make anything different nothing changes if you don't change the internal and I had to free myself so I had to change the dialog I had to learn to love myself because no matter how much it changed the body I was not I wasn't loving me it was almost like I could take that and turn that into self-loathing as well you know still not being good enough I started to realize that I wasn't happy and I wanted to free myself and find what that really was that made people happy it was all giving back it was all helping other people it was all you have to free yourself first you have to heal yourself first in order to help other people so that's how it switched so there's like a universe of stuff revelations in that moment of going from [Music] I'm gonna prove them wrong I'm under the water I you know just the the crush of your life at that point yells don't jump here there won't be any water left in the pool like this real meltdown and then going and putting on the armor in essence so getting all of that and then in that moment how did you have the clarity to say this isn't working and to know where to go from there because I think a lot of people get stuck in I think having a chip on your shoulder is powerful hmm and I think that you starting there I think is is actually really empowering but then that second revelation of I have to do the internal work as well how where did that come from how did you have that insight and then how did you have the courage to sort of reinvent yourself again and go in a new path you know I I look back at my journey and I never knew what I was doing to be honest with you ever I mean it's still to this day I'm like still trying to figure out what that next thing is in kind of listening to that voice and to be honest with you it's always been this innate ability to to know that something is speaking to me and I think we all have it I just really go to what is feeling most aligned or like what gives you the most life what gives you the most vitality what gives you the most energy so for me that's kind of what I followed it was like when in the beginning it was when do I not feel bad like how can I just feel a little bit better than this and that's what has always brought me back to moving is moving has always brought me clarity it's always helped me know what that voice is saying even in my marriage now Chris and I will constantly if there's something coming up if there's something we can't work through if there's something in our business we say let's take it on a walk because that's when we can kind of slow down listen to that voice what's next so I think there's always that thing that we know can come through and we either choose to drown it out or we can do the things that we know kind of make it louder so the success that you had in the physical world winning all the titles and everything is to me it's the equivalent of getting rich like somebody who's on a physical pursuit they are just convinced that when they get that thing I'm gonna have everything and so why isn't that true why why when you had the just literally the perfect body you're actually being judged you were actually on stage and people are actually saying this is it you have it it's validated inside you must have known there you know echoing that back why can't money buy happiness body or financially and I love that you said that because they're they're exactly the same like they're so parallel you realize along the way or once you've won something or once you've made a lot of money it's like if you don't enjoy the journey that moment is so fleeting it's it's gone in a second and if you don't have the inner mindset of loving yourself of loving who you are of loving what you do of wanting to make an impact of wanting to help others of wanting to improve someone else's life like that it's honestly the most empty feeling if you think that's the only thing and I remember I had this moment I had worked so incredibly hard it had been like six years of competing some people some people compete and win right away and they get these covers and you know that's just what I thought would happen and six years later I'm still like not winning not getting covers not nobody's noticing me and finally actually that year something shifted for me that the year that I won like swept everything and what happened is the year prior to that I had started training other people go figure training them for stage really training them a lot in my studio really wanting other people to win like making their wins my win and what happened is their journey became so much mine and I became so just immersed in making someone else's life better that that next year it was like I was so fulfilled and happy and that just radiated I knew that my purpose wasn't just the body I knew that my purpose was so much bigger than this one thing that all of a sudden I showed up on stage is a totally different person literally people were like who are you what happened and I had this moment of I I let go of thinking this was everything and I actually learned that the journey is about helping other people it's about you know really loving what you do and who you are but loving the fact that you get to do what you love for other people and that just it flipped it literally flipped on a dime for me and that that was a moment of wow it's never about the titles those things are amazing don't get me wrong I love them I'm not gonna lie but if you don't do both if you don't use them or use them as a platform for something they're gonna be really empty because they're just a moment yeah I love that so much and one thing that I see in your story that I think is really powerful and I want really want to like take a second to drill down into it is your way intense and you've said that you know one thing after am I every night we'll talk about feminine and masculine energy a little bit later but you have to remind yourself to soften back up in the night I'm so interesting so you've got this I really like the titles I really want to go after it I'm Way intense I want to win I'm all-in getting in that kind of shape is brutally difficult but then at the same time you can balance it with the playfulness and it's not all about that how have you learned to strike that balance and maybe more importantly how do you teach other people to do that mmm I've learned if I don't learn to strike that balance that when I go to extreme in either one I'm not I am NOT happy I feel very scattered I feel frantic I feel crazy so I think that for me when I start feeling a little bit chaotic so for me it shows up in a very like grasping for straws things aren't happening like I'm running into a wall like the feeling of banging your head against a wall that's what it feels like for me and I know a lot of people can relate to that and I think especially a lot of people in fitness might get into it to kind of like maybe they're anxious or it calms their nerves because I think I run really on the anxious side so for me if I don't learn how to control that I'll go to the extreme of something so it's a must for me I actually think it's a must for everyone to kind of find how to dance in the different categories of your life because we're not just one thing and when we go all in on one thing were severely neglecting the other parts of us which makes for an empty human you know which makes for someone who doesn't feel who never feels full so I have to remember that there's so many parts of me that I need to make sure that I'm fulfilling for me play is so important and when I was first when I was first building my business and when I was really getting into the fitness world I neglected play and I neglect it I'm like I love being a weirdo I love being a goofball I love being funny and I thought that I had to suppress that side of me in order to win in order to be successful you know school was College was frowned upon and like a really restrictive religion so for me I think that in order to win and be successful I thought that I had to just shut down the goofy had to be a certain way I had to just drive so hard and what happened is the driving got me somewhere it drive drive drive drive do it do it and you know the voice in my head was like it was very like a hardcore coach which would get me somewhere but there was no joy along the way so every time I'd wind up somewhere I was like well I thought this would be way better then was actually here and and that wasn't even fun was it even worth it and now it's never enough it's like never enough and I just felt so empty as well because this part of me that I loved I loved that side of me I love the silly goofy side it's like that's when I really that feeling of really liking yourself and feeling alive that's when I feel most connected to people and I that was another moment of okay I really think that all of my power might be in the complete vulnerability and when I started sharing my story more of you know I still have anxiety like literally when I sat in this chair I was like a whole day I think there's the wave again I still have massive anxiety I'm like a massive weirdo i when I started sharing those things that was the people just came flooding in because they can see you like they can finally see who you are and they want to know how you did it and they want to be around you and they want to learn you know well how did you get through or how are you living with that then so you've got a massive amount of self-awareness do you have any process around that so if you've got this intuitive voice that speaks the walk obviously is a way for you to create this maze to hear it like what are some other things that you do to make sure that you hear it assess what it means because of course it doesn't usually speak in the clearest mm-hm no I love that question I adopted the belief that everything in my life no matter how sucky was happening for me that it had a message for me so whenever I'm in the middle of it it's always okay why could this potentially be happening for me so I believe that if we don't get the message from the resistance or from what's going on it's gonna keep on coming into your life in different forms whether it's a person another business issue something you know a relationship in your life it's gonna keep on coming trying to deliver this message until you get it or if you don't get it it's gonna like whack you over the head like a 2x4 so you can live the nudge life or you can live a two-by-four life when the nut just come I'm kind of like okay I get it why are you here I always want to know why is this here what's this resistance for because you know without without resistance there's no way to build muscles there's no strength it's like we asked for these amazing beautiful lives we asked for these incredible relationships but when the challenges that actually make us better people come where we're like why is this here why is this coming well it's coming so you can go to your next level because without it you'll never be able to handle what comes with the next level right next level life comes with next level problems you have to have already gone through those to understand how to deal with what's going on I think that's an insanely powerful analogy the wait resistance all of it whether it's physical mental emotional super powerful now I can tell you what to do when you go into a gym I can tell you proper form how to curl how to squat all of that art do you have equivalents for the the mental side where it's like okay this is I realize now this is the resistance I ask I get the answer now how do I actually leverage a deal with it move forward how do I reach that next level like mechanistically mmm okay so for me when when something is coming into my space that's like very resistant I do my best to not react so I think the main thing that I try to do is what is gonna put me in the least reactive state I really observe like the heightened emotions I try to never react from there so for me I tend to I tend to want to let the waves pass so if you feel resistance coming up if you feel frustrated I think the best thing you can do is seek to find ways that make you more of that calm state and that's going to be huge for you right you're in a relationship you know that so if you ever react from this place probably not going to go well right even in business if you react from this place someone on your team something's going on like you need to come back down to figure out what the words are to help to be able to have people understand you otherwise when you're communicating up here in the heightened place people are gonna throw their walls up the problem is going to you're going to come at the problem from an angle of just more maybe like attack or not an understanding place which I think all business everything is understanding humans so you got to come back down to the human place and you got to come back down to compassion so my main thing is I will do anything that I can even if it's walk away go for a walk to come back down to the level where I can where I can see all angles and also bring myself to a place of compassion because if it's business if it's relationships there's always a side that we don't see that we're not understanding of why they reacted that way why they responded that way why this is coming up so do anything you can whether it's meditate go for a walk read something say a prayer anything to get back to neutral that's really interesting you seem to steer a lot by bliss that clearly is something that's really big in your life big in your companies define it for us and then why is it so important hmm so to me bliss is everything so I've learned that bliss is the ups it's the downs it's the resistance it's the good stuff like without those really hard times you just don't get the euphoria on the other side so bliss for me is everything that comes with the following of bliss because the finish line is never as good as it seems so for me it's like you know people have this utopian euphoric idea of what bliss is but those moments are so fleeting that it's learning to accept and love the entire journey along the way and to me the faster than I can accept the things coming into my space that is blissful like when I can look at my day and go well it was a pretty crappy day and I still did like that was I kind of flowed through it there were tough times but I floated through it more with ease and that LEM so proud of myself for that and it's like I think just the realization that it's all for us it is all for us and that is you know the day-to-day is the Bliss I'm gonna push you on the the notion of it's all for us so they really understand what that means even I'm not sure I understand what people mean when they say it so what do you mean when you say it's all happening for us so I look at everything that has happened in my life that I've tried to wish away before and I thought let's start with a real specific example let's talk about Cancun okay okay so that's a great example so that's a that was a huge traumatic incident in my life I had gotten kidnapped by a cab driver after you know being after drinking too much after being being 18 years old being in a cab for eight hours thinking that I might die but looking back I had some massive moments of clarity and also I was on such a trajectory of going downhill I was drinking every single night my roommates were bringing drugs into the house I was doing anything to numb out at the time because I just left my super restrictive religious home and just went wild because number one the guilt of leaving that was huge and also not knowing who I was and not really knowing what my path was not know you know because going from thinking I was just supposed to go door to door and preach to this open world of what do I do and I kind of just left this whole tribe of people that I knew and now you're on the outside and you don't have anyone basically it was I was going downhill really fast like I was just on a terrible path so I kind of think that that was my to buy for a moment of you're not going to get it unless something really big happens to you and something really big happened to me and at the time do I think that that was for me I don't wish it upon anyone but do I think that maybe I would have woken up maybe it was a huge wake-up call for me it's interesting so I'm gonna fill some details in unless were for people listening that haven't heard it before because I really want them to hear what you just said which is insanely powerful that you were kidnapped literally taken in a taxi you were beaten choked out welcome back up choked out again this went on for hours and hours and hours like a full-blown hostage situation where he's trying to get money out of you but you don't have any money and that's only making him more angry you have your moment of clarity you start talking to him to try to connect on a human level you de-escalate the situation and finally after six eight hours whatever day I'm going to think about that it's crazy amount of time the first time you said it by the way I thought you were just saying oh it was like a really long time not realizing you actually meant six to eight hours finally drops you off you survived but chipped teeth blood everywhere I mean just madness and yet you look at that and say there was such a powerful lesson in that that that's still a for me moment are you which by the way like is earth-shattering and if people really hear what you're saying hopefully either it will change their life or they're not listening have you ever heard Tony Robbins talk about how ask yourself how the worst thing that ever happen to you is actually the best thing that ever happened to you I think so yeah is that does that line up with what you're talking about yeah I think that's insanely powerful who taught you to do that mmm I don't think you can teach someone else to want it that badly because I have tried that with my family I've tried that with you know when I used to own a gym and I think that's one of the hardest parts about being in the transformation business is that I you your work is to release the ones that you want it so bad for so you can find the ones who are ready and that is like detachment at its finest because you can put your self-worth on their transformation and result and if they don't want it you can pour your whole life into them your whole self into them and you'll leave dry you'll leave empty because they have to be equal energy on that path like they have to meet you and that's been my life's journey honestly super vulnerable but with my family like the detachment is the hardest part of knowing that if I go back and try to pour in again I lose myself you you once said something that I was blown away by which is you can't rob someone of their rock-bottom what do you mean by well I look at my rock bottom's and without them I would never do the work that I do I would have never found myself I would have never found my entire purpose on this planet so your rock bottom is literally when there is nothing else the whole reason you're here can finally come through because you're stripped of everything and all you have is the internal like that is it when you have all external stripped away you can finally figure out if you ask yourself ok if all I have is me and all I have is you know what I can do with this body or how I can connect into whatever you believe God universe source Buddha whatever it's like that's all you have to use and that's when you get the most clear answers is everything else is gone so you've been very successful financially spiritually in the the world of will call athletics of competing in the fitness competitions how do you stay hungry enough to drive forward as hard as you do mmm this is such a good question for right now because all of my dreams are coming true and it's like I am super happy right now and yet I have this whole other level that I know I'm supposed to access and and I have this quote just running through my head like good as the enemy a great good as the enemy a great because I'm really good right now like I'm my book is coming out I have a really happy marriage I'm doing events that I love I I love my podcast I love where I'm at and there's a part of me that's like yeah I would love to just like let's just coast here for a while but it's like but if I don't access that other part I also know it's those moments of you know when people ask you what can you have not done in your life if you know you're on your deathbed like what is the what are the biggest things that you need to do and it's like I still have all these things that I know I'm supposed to be doing so for me it's it's remembering what feeds that because there's so many things that I did to feed the hunger right to keep it to stay hungry to make sure that I stay motivated right down to this is really crazy but it's things like yesterday are two days ago on the airplane I was watching Creed have you seen that the boxer of it I know it but I'm okay well now you need to watch it like tonight okay so I watched Creed I watched hidden figures all of these stories about why it's so important for people especially from backgrounds that just you know the underdog stories why you have to make sure that you keep blazing trails for all of those people and I look at all of the people ahead of me who have done it and it's like now my huh now I'm feeding a different place now it's important for me to do this not just for me and because I want to fulfill these things and see people transform and things like that but it's also because I now in making my hunger a responsibility to other people to blaze the next trail to show them it's possible to go there even if you were homeschooled even if you had this restrictive background even if you whatever that looks like I now know it's my job to keep going to blaze the next trail whatever that looks like next how can you take self love love yourself as you are the way that you are fully embrace it and then over here want to improve be driven make sacrifices to change so I am so honest about this that I struggle with both I think that as a human being when you are doing anything wanting to be great accomplish anything there's there's so many worlds that you're dancing in and you know people are like where do you find the balance I you tell me I don't know because I'm always dancing with balance and I think that that is I think that's the balance is that you're constantly going to far on this side okay come back here okay too far on this side okay come back here and for me that's actually what balance has now looked like because I can hear that voice coming back of okay you know this is your identity get really fit do this do that and I'm like okay you're actually doing things that aren't feeling good anymore and when it starts to get to this voice of like neglect of almost like like that coach of like if you do this you won't have that and that's not a good place for me so when that voice starts to come in I'm like okay how can we pull it back how could we maybe instead of that crazy intense hour-long workout and then going to the work you know go to another workout that night or go run six miles that night or three miles like how could you move your body in a way that you actually enjoy like what's calling to you right now so if you must go and move your body could you maybe dance could you just go for a walk could you listen to a podcast like how can you find the voice that's more centered that's less like drive drive drive because I also know because I'm really aware that that voice can be powerful but it's not long-term for me it's got a big drop-off so I can get me up the mountain but I will fall off the other side and the comeback is so long and so hard that I know that I have to soften and come back to the like the middle and it's falling off burnout yeah it's burnout it's I can't I don't ever want to eat another healthy thing it's zero energy it's zero inspiration it's extreme to the other end it's really interesting what do you say to women that we are deeply unhappy in their body follow any joy that you can in any modality for me in order to start loving my body again because I had the most I look but I look back at pictures and I'm like are you kidding me I thought I was like I still didn't think I was good enough and I'm drooling over these pictures around like what was I thinking like it's weird when you become your own you're like I did that what how did I get there but it's like the only way for me to start really loving me was to find joy and other things like how can I do things in this body that bring me a lot of joy and notice that my body is the vessel in which I'm experiencing the joy through so it's like wow this body is and I had to start doing things like that like when I would hug people I would be like it's gonna make me cry like I'm so grateful for how this feels because normally it was like you you can hate who you are you know sorry but it's so real for people it's like it may seem so Patti but we're in these bodies that are these amazing miracles and it's so easy to hate them and then miss out on life because the vessel that you're in so and I know that men experience that too they they just don't talk about it as much so tiny things like going for a walk and realizing that you're experiencing nature in the sunset through your eyeballs and like the Sun on your skin and what that feels like and what a gift and a blessing that is and when that happens for you your whole life changes it's like the body because you you find more ease when it really really happens for you when you practice and deep gratitude for how you're experiencing life through that body for if you enjoy dancing go dance and be so in that moment and feel it and just observe how you're experiencing life through your physical body and that was huge for me and I still I still practice that like I'll be on a walk and just be like okay be here what are you feeling what's your skin feeling what are you how are you experiencing nature what's coming through for you like and and I feel like we just pass over that and we view our bodies as an obstacle when really they're the way of of how we really live so small stuff like that makes such an impact that's huge and the whole notion of Reid looking at things reframing things is sort of unintentionally become a theme today thank you for sending a pre copy of your book by the way which is really interesting and I felt like I was behind like I'd snuck in this secret club because it's addressed to women and it's really interesting and the notion of rewriting your story I thought was insanely powerful walk us through that what does it mean to rewrite your story how can anyone leverage that great effect mmm and I love it's like so full circle today because rewriting the story it was so powerful for me who was actually at a Tony Robbins event where he has you really go into like what is this thing that's playing in your mind over and over and over we all have these ideas in our lives of why we're not able to be as successful as X or this person or Y this is not for you right and it's like the second that I was able to call that out and say oh my god I've just been repeating this story over and over I I have anxiety I'm gonna have panic attacks success isn't for people who have homeschooled all of these different reasons that I just kept playing and hearing from maybe stories that my parents told or that I had just kind of made from the past of whatever had happened in my life or what I had seen and it just was that concept of like what if you just freed yourself like what if you just took the idea that maybe that was happening for you and it kind of just the whole idea that hearing other people's stories that that it's like that has helped transform them and that's actually been the catalyst and that's been the reason why and then I looked back and I was like that's a pretty good story to have as like a catalyst and a reason why I need to work through that and the reason why I have to do this and the reason why I have to just not care what other people think and I thought how powerful would that be if I could get through this for all of the people in the world who I think is majority of the population who have a story who think that they can't because that was me a million percent and I was like I have to show them how much I thought that I couldn't and change it for myself and rewrite this story to let them know they can actually use that it's powerful its fuel sometimes it's I mean I don't want to say it's less powerful to not have a story because then people without a story that can be their story I don't have a story I've heard that as well and I'm like you know that's a power story - so it's it's um using that to rewrite your news story it was like that happened and now this is why I have to do it and do you think about what that like literal story is you're gonna want to tell yourself in the future is that how you conceptualize it like I want to do this and it will mean this and I will have accomplished that yeah I think that our life is really it only means the meaning we give it like nothing means anything until we give meaning to it so you know I could look back at my life and say wow that was hard or look at look at what happened or whatever or you know comparatively to someone else's life I could be like that was nothing like that was wow that was a cakewalk compared to what this person went through and if you want to have a meaningful life you have to make it meaningful which means you have to give the things in your life meaning and you have to give them a good meaning so looking back at everything and saying yeah that was awful but here's the meaning that I'm going to make come from it what do you tell people that when they hear that they think well there's the true story yeah and then there's you're trying to put like some fake spin I just feel like I'm biessing myself yeah you totally are in the beginning but you're biessing yourself on your fake spin too so I think is super important mm-hmm what do you mean by that I think where we're always telling ourselves a made-up story I think it's you know I was I had this one I was in Landmark Forum do you know what that is like okay and this this teacher had said he had like just said he's like it's all made up and he was literally irritating everyone he's like oh it's everything is made up like it's whatever you want and you know these people with these traumatic stories and myself and everything because I come from such a restrictive religion and I was like if it's made up then why are we here and what's going I mean it was the most traumatic moment for me thinking that life was just like it was all for nothing it was whatever we want it was you know he didn't say it was for whatever we wanted yet but it was this idea of if you can strip it all away and just say it's all made up so now you make it up like what do you want to make it mean it was the most powerful moment for me to be like I can make this mean whatever I want it to mean because I all it is is we're constantly just pitching ourselves that's it how do you want to pitch yourself like do you want to pitch yourself a great story about your life or do you want to pitch yourself a negative story because I don't care how successful you are you could pitch yourself that you're busy that you that it's so hard because you have money and people don't know what it's like when you have so much money and all of these problems and all this responsibility like we're constantly pitching ourselves a story and I'm deciding off of this story is this a story that I'm telling myself that's gonna make me happier or is this a story that's gonna make me sad because it's owning your emotions and it's owning your story it's all just it's all made up for me so I'm gonna make it up in a way that I want I think that is insanely powerful I want to talk to more about the book the seven sacred agreements mm-hmm there was some pretty interesting ones in there what are some of the ones that really hit you when they hit me was no gossip I was gonna say that I found very intriguing um okay so no gossip is so incredibly important and I know that we've all gossiped and we've all been gossiped about and I think the the main thing is bringing awareness around gossip because it is so powerful and like I just honestly looking back at my past it was really understanding how words have impacted my life you can probably look at your whole past and have these moments where someone either breathed life into you or basically felt like they took your life away by something that they said and that's the feeling that we're feeling right I mean we can literally be the launch pad for someone's entire life an entire career an entire well-being you know I've had a couple people throughout my path like say one thing to me and that was it like something good and that was all I needed to like just go for the next few years in the next 10 years or the next whatever that looks like and I think no first of all knowing the power of our words and also when we're talking about someone we are intentionally trying to harm them and I think it's just an energetic boomerang because what we say about someone always says more about us and whether we think we think that or not the person who is hearing us say these words they're feeling it and they're immediately either not trusting you or being like oh okay that's exactly it's it's the understanding of when you were talking about someone people on the other side I'm very aware if someone's talking about somebody to me it's like it's just a matter of time before I'm the feast for them so I tend to pull back and I just think it's an energetic boomerang and we need to be so aware of what we're doing with our words and always always always no matter how hurtful or harmful that person has been to you I think that gossip is never going to make it better I think it's always always going to make it worse and I think there's a good kind of gossip and a malicious type of gossip and I think the good type of gossip is with those really close friends that you know you can always hash something through with and that you know you always have a solution based conversation so it's like hey can I talk to you about this person I want to talk with the intention of releasing them forgiving them or figuring out a problem but first of all I need to say what really happened can I have the space to know that this is a safe space to just be really real let it all out get angry cry through it you know say how horrible that person is like move through that emotion and then have those other people hold that space for you to be like okay well now what like how do you want to get to the peaceful place because at the end of the day you're either carrying someone by gossiping about them and opening that energetic loop and not closing it or you're releasing them or forgiving them or figuring out a solution what's the purpose of the the seven sacred agreements mm-hmm the purpose of the seven sacred agreements is to give people tools to work through anything that comes up I think that we have so many unspoken agreements and I know you know you have an amazing relationship and you guys probably have some really foundational agreements when it comes to business fighting working through your day what that looks like and we've never established those with friends ever we've never spoken about it we've never been like hey you know I want to be your best friend but what do we do when life gets really hard or what do we do when I hear that you kind of said something about me that I didn't want you know to be said or what do we do when you you know I have this expectation of you and you totally don't reach it like there's all we enter into these relationships that we want for life with zero agreements and zero way to talk through them so what happens is we end up having all of these disposable relationships and the second something hard comes up we're like SIA you know it's just easier to to write it off or to let it go because you just don't want to deal with it you don't want to confront it maybe it's been too long so the agreements are really ways of entering into relationships with agreements or having the relationships that you already have and learning these agreements moving forward very cool all right before I ask my final question tell these guys where they can find you online so you can go to Laurie harder calm and you can go to a tribe called bliss calm for the book excellent awesome my last question is what's the impact that you want to have on the world the impact that I want to have in the world is to be walking permission for people to be fully them because I believe that when you are fully authentically you you are living in your bliss and you are living in your purpose thank you guys this is just a beyond phenomenal story of somebody who started in nowhere USA growing up overweight ruthlessly picked on to the point where she has paralyzing anxiety it's so bad she convinces her family to home-school her because she can't face being having any attention put on her whatsoever and now she makes her life coaching being in front of the camera getting up giving speeches it is just an absolutely astonishing transformation of somebody who said I know what my purpose is I know what I want to do I know what the gift is that I want to give to the world and it's going to force me to go through this incredibly hard thing and the notion of not stealing somebody's rock bottom of not necessarily catching somebody before they fall of letting him really go through that and experience that resistance as she says that just like with the body getting trained to that resistance so was the mind so is the spirit that doing those hard things going through those hard times reframing it in your mind as something that's happening for you that there's something powerful that's going to come out of that you can learn something incredibly transformational that will change you forever that will empower you to act in ways that you wouldn't have been able to act if that hadn't happened now this is not somebody that's never been through a hard time saying that that is somebody who looked dead in the face of what happened to her being kidnapped punched choked out over and over and coming from that and saying oh no that was one of the most transformational moments in my life and put me on the path that I'm on now is absolutely incredible because as she said it's all made up and you get to give it any meaning you want so my friends choose wisely and if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary take care everybody thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community if you haven't already be sure to subscribe you're going to get weekly videos on building a growth mindset cultivating grit and unlocking your full potential

Channel: Tom Bilyeu

Views: 282,312

Rating: 4.8786287 out of 5

Keywords: Tom Bilyeu, Impact Theory, ImpactTheory, TomBilyeu, Inside Quest, InsideQuest, Tom Bilyou, Theory Impact, motivation, inspiration, lori harder, How to Go From Rock Bottom to the Top, impact theory lori harder, lori harder impact theory, tribe called bliss, the bliss project, the bliss habit, lori harder impact theory interview

Id: 1dg0lZcVj3A

Length: 47min 33sec (2853 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 05 2018