How To Get Along As We Go Along

turning your bibles the first John chapter 4 if you got a Bible if you got a Bible app I want to talk to you today from the subject how to get along as you go along as you go along in life moving about in life one of the things about life that is is it's a part of life is relationships most of our stress comes from people you know we have financial trouble that was caused by somebody and we have medical problems that somebody got a stroke out of stressed out and made us have headache but no we have financial you have medical problems but a lot of problems we have come from people and and i'ma tell you something I cannot promise you that what we're going to talk about today will fix the relationship another promise that I'm certainly not gonna promise that what I'm gonna talk about today will fix the other person what I do believe is possible is for we to before what we talked about today to make us better there's a lot of relationships see see the thing is most of our relationship tension comes over the fact that there's something wrong with that person because you know it is you know it is because nobody else gets you that man bright and my tummy's room so it's got to be then because somebody else's mother somebody else's kids you'll act like that right so so it's God so if they would just get their self together we'd be all right so with this message is for it's just in case they don't and since we can't change other people once a person gives a certain age you can't even change them if you beat them he's going to cry and be like that the best thing we can do is to mature so that the way we handle it is better first John chapter four is where I like to start and I'm gonna give you five things in general to keep in mind as it relates to this matter of getting along as we go along so in first John chapter 4 beginning in verse 7 I'm gonna start here's my main point I'll give you five main points and rasmus of points the first main point is is get in love and stay in love now when I say get in love and stay in love I am knocking I'm not talking about with the person I'm not talking about a kind of love that's human the human I'm talking about when you wake up in the morning you're force first move being God fill me with your love give me your love so that I can be in your love let me get in your look so I can walk in it and then stay in it first John 4 verse 7 watch this it says in 1st John chapter 4 it says dear friends let us continue to love one another for love comes from who love comes from who love comes from God y'all anyone who loves as a child of God and knows God conversely verse 8 says anyone who does not love does not know God for god is love verse 9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him this is real love not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins I'm gonna give you three ways three sub points here are three ways to get in love and stay in love now when I'm talking about being in love I'm not talking about grabbing each other's but putting your tongue ain't tell me that kind of ain't up my romance or none of that I'm talking about I'm talking about go because God dis kind of this kind of love comes from God you got to get it from God so the first thing you do to get in love and stay in love is connect with God and his love God I need you thank you for waking me up now fill me with your love this is becoming so important to me God can give you the kind of love to make you love people you don't even like you kind of learn to make you hug people to speak and say good morning the people that did you you don't you don't like them they're things about him that bother you to Newark you to get on your nerves but the love of God the Bible says love covers a multitude of sin like love can make you go beyond watch this love does what flesh loathes that's a great statement love does with fresh but fleshly what my flesh is unwilling to do love says I'll do that there's a song we sing here in this church that says oh the everlasting never-ending reckless love of God it chases me down and if I still I'm found and leaves in 99 I can't I couldn't earn it I don't deserve it still you give your love away oh the never-ending everlasting reckless love of God I'm am ester lyrics up a little bit but but the point is it's a love that's not even cautious you know what a reckless love is if you ever had a child anybody how many got human parents in here if you got a child and you ever walked in on the scene and somebody was beating on your child and there was a group of people beating your child if you were you wouldn't think about your hair you wouldn't think about your outfit you and think about dignity or nothing you were jumping in the fray for you how many was jump in the fray for your job it's reckless I don't care nothing about what's going on I don't care how this turns out that's my child and what happens is when you're in a relationship with somebody to gets on your nerves all the time then you give real careful about what you're willing to do how far am I willing to go for this relationship but it has to start with me connecting with God God filmers your love God do you kind of love to make you get up with a better attitude in the morning because a lot of our tension comes in domestic relationships because of a similar pattern that happens every day there's always somebody who won't follow directions so you have an argument every day about the same thing how many know what it's like to live with a child or somebody in your house and you late every day because they won't do you go through this every day you go through this every day now I was good I cook burgers we had a plan last night we talked about this and you steal follow directions so about 901 you are like the teacher you straight out of love I'm out I will punch you in the mouth so as you say something just say one to say just look for just you have say some with your face so you gotta go back to God and say God this I need you I need you I need you to put me back and love somebody said give me back and love do you understand what I say when I'm come on being in love ain't tell my romance I'm talking about a relationship with God that feels moved the kind of love that keeps me loving it keeps me in a place of love not to keep refilling up on love and then the second thing you do my sweetie says he says God's real love first Tim real love is this real love sacrifices he says I'll show you real love by sending my only son the sacrifice when you take away your sins here's how you stay in and get in love not only once you connect with God and His love you got a sacrifice for others not sacrifice for others true love is sacrifice I mean stop stop stop giving yourself a trophy because you're sacrificing I'm working two jobs to take care of him best love I backed out I'm struggling trying to make ends meet to make sure they got the bit that's sacrifice that's love loving words and poetry and feelings love is what you do you ain't sacrifice your ain't love of you ain't sacrifice what did you do to go out of your way to extend the grace and love of God to somebody else love there's levels of love there's not supposed to be easy do you think it was easy for God to give his son to die I wouldn't give my son to die for nobody he gave us under die for everybody that's sacrifice that's a sacrifice here's the third thing that is indicative of love it's when you must just go back to verse 9 for a second in verse 9 it says God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we may have eternal life through him God didn't wait on us to of him he made the first move he says I know you don't even know me you don't respect me I'm sending my son to die for you to provide some point you don't even know you need I'm going first God says I'm going for then look at verse 10 it says this is real love not that we love God we didn't make the first move but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sin somebody say he went first look at verse 19 same chapter we love each other because he loved us God always goes first here's my theory but there is a third way you stay in love and get in love your love goes first love goes first love goes first love goes first love goes first see you sitting there with your arms folded not necessarily literally your arms folded your lip poke down your neck waving your eyes rolling tongue mouth why should I go first he didn't want to hurt me well you heard God but he still went first that's see you don't know what she did to me I'm saying what did you do to God he still went first so unfold your arms unwind your your neck put your lip back in and go first love goes first love apologizes first love says please forgive me first love says I forgive you first love reconciles first love puts aside his pride first see some of you in situations some of us in situations and the relationship has been on a breach for years four months four weeks four days because you sit around waiting on others ever see the one that we don't she was wrong I'm gonna go first elbow somebody next you say go first love goes first love goes first and love will go alone sometimes you go out there and you apologizing the person that was just as wrong don't say nothing so what you gonna do this cuz this kind of love doesn't expect anything in return I don't care if you don't take ownership of what you did love goes first love goes first everybody say that go first go first go first I accept what I did wrong I'm going first I'm sorry for what I did love goes first please give me for my words I didn't have that right love goes first so we one of the ways that we can get along as we go along is by getting in and staying in a place of love somebody said Laura put me in love that was weak but and I'm not saying when a person put me in a love with you where I'm walking in love here's the second thing you had to do if you're gonna go in peace if you're gonna get along as you go along protect your peace protect your peace everybody say peace one more time what a powerful gift is peace peace is an intercom it is this tranquil trust it's an abiding soul rest the greek word is a train a the word is beautiful it is the Bible says when peace like a river attendeth my way and that's not the Bible it's a hymnbook when a peace like a river attendeth my way and sorrows like sea billows roll whatever my lot thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul when when the song says is well with my soul it says it right out the sea billows are rolling so it doesn't matter what's going on circumstantially peace is so powerful it surpasses all understanding you can have trauma on one hand and Trust on the other hand it doesn't make sense Christians are confusing who walk with God deeply because people can't understand why we're not going crazy it's the piece of that surpasses your understanding it is a piece it is a bit as a precious gift so powerful it can keep blood pressure down and make depression back up and push anxiety away and anything that is that and it anything it says it says it guards your heart and mind through crises and anything that is that precious deserves to be protected that's why anybody that disturbs your peace you know that's a crime by the way disturbing the peace when somebody comes along and disturbs your peace it is your responsibility to protect your peace a peace disturber is not responsible for your peace you are responsible for guarding yourself from people who disturb your peace that's why one of the strategies for protecting your peace is selecting being wise and who you select as your companions because your circle could be disturbers of your peace that's why in proverbs 22 24 and 25 proverbs 22:24 25 percent like this it says don't befriend angry people don't build and nurture relationship with an angry person or associate with hot-tempered people let me break that down a hot temper person that's a cooker outer that's a goer offer that's a snapper somebody just flick or offer you know people just flick off he says don't don't develop and nurture relationships with people like that why because the next verse says or because you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul your soul is the place that houses your peace and when you when you expose your soul to angry people you have disturbed your own peace you have violated your own soul and sometimes you have to not only separate yourself from angry people externally outside of your family sometimes angry people in your family and by angry it's not just people who are physically violent it's people who are verbally violent some people are not hanging with their hands they hang with their mouth it's negative everything come out their mouth is negative everything they see is negative something bad to say about everything you know I'm so sick of people talking bad about huh as soon as I say Jukka Kanye look like Kanye shirt Hanes serving the Lord he bout Jesus mean bout Jesus don't get nobody no chance he he just yeah yeah you got to stay off people's pages who are negative a post can disturb you so you got a pay attention to how you feel after certain conversations sometimes you can be on a group chat o in a circle or have a small group that's all negative and dark you got a separate you got a block people who disturb your peace won't be around have you ever talking about somebody just use just gossip about somebody and it felt good to say it but after it was over you felt a little low I'm saying their conversations you have with people and every time you talk to this person you go down it's like being on the elevator just going down the hotel is just going down and I'm saying when they're in your house you're not you don't necessarily have to move out use has to move around them so you have breakfast at dinner time you have dinner at lunch and they looking for you don't wonder where you been usually go Oh King change that I wouldn't bitter and yonder it and with us so we're two for he just confused that I went you're there and yonder and we're two for they won't know he's a time out but really see because even though the Bible say supposed to love everybody you don't have to have long conversations with anybody and you certainly don't have to spend a lot of time with anybody particularly somebody who disturbs your soul here's the second way you protect your peace Isaiah 26 and three says God will keep you in perfect peace if you trust in them and your mind is fixated on him fixation fixated I live in a house with three ladies it's a three year old it runs everything one things I say about females is that they you all are fixated on your hair fixated I don't know how how can you go how can you go somewhere and get your hair done for four hours that's a that's a that's a sixth of a day that's a half night's sleep that's a half a work day for hours in anywhere just on your hair that's fixation even the preparation to go get the hair that they go and put in to the color this color and what this has is go against my skin this outfit put the track right here I wanted a lace or tan I had to go like this sometime so I have to do this I have to keep doing that what is your problem if I get a four hour for our hair cut I needed look like Boris Koji when I'm done like what is and I'm saying if you're so fixated on your hair I'm saying I am judging you just put God in it so God what you think about this and put God in the hair thing with you I'm saying if you have a capacity to be fixated on here what would it be like if you were fixated on God in fact let me go back to a second let me go back to a second think about that relationship that you have that you say it in your mind is relationship because you're the most stress and and is stressful and it's disrespectful and frustrating let me go back to bed getting in love and staying in love how would that relationship operate it if you always were in love when you operate it in their relationship what would happen to the nature of the relationship if you operate it in that relationship from a place of love and now for the place of expectations and you ain't do me right and you're just she's just always in your flesh what if the love of God was controlling your interaction in that relationship mmm here's a third way that we can protect our peace it is through managing our expectations I personally believe that a lot of us are frustrated with people because they don't meet our expectations and we have unrealistic expectations of people and the reason why they aren't realist realistic is because we've been expecting this from them and they've and they've yet to do it consistently and I'm saying you keep expecting somebody to do something who has proven to you that they are unwilling or incapable of doing it and you're ordering stuff from a person that ain't even on their menu just stand outside the seafood restaurant of a person's life still as if a chitlins so we go ahead a children's when you go ahead a child watching them with the hot sauce on and they said oh we know do we know do children and what is frustrating is is when you keep expecting somebody to give you something that they just won't give you watch this here's what Davis said he's in a military situation watch this he's in a war and watch how he distinguishes who he leans on he says in Psalm 60 versus 11 and 12 right description in Psalm 16 verse 11 he's praying to God he says oh please help us against our enemies for all human helpers useless watch that he said I can't depend on man vain is the old King James vane is to help a man please help us God cuz dependent on people is useless we're gonna need you to pull this off then the next verse he says with God's help we will do mighty things for he will trample down our foes now watch this he says with God we can win we're people depending on people is useless what's the principle learn how to lean on God and be loose with people lower your lower your pressure on people lean on God because whenever you lean on somebody who is incapable to meet your needs they keep letting you down it's like two broken people two broken people I'm broken you're broken and we keep depending on each other to fix ourselves please fix me you guys on a broken person to fix you so you got two broken people keep leaning on each other that's why they keep being let down no to go to get fixated on the only one who can fix you and say I'm grateful for whatever you give me now there's a difference between expectations and standards I'm not saying you don't have standards of the way you're to be treated I'm saying stop asking somebody to give you something that they have proven over and over again they're either incapable or unwilling to give be at peace with that being peaceful there's some I gonna say man in a window where I shouldn't even came here for this and I'm cool with that but I'm saying at the end of the day here's what I know if we keep doing what we've been doing we're gonna keep getting what we've been getting and if I always do what I've always done I'm gonna always feel what I always felt I can't get a different outcome unless I have a new input so you can keep doing it your way but I'm saying maybe if you manage your expectations it says I don't expect you to do for me what I can do for me or what I can get from God or how about this how about establishing other healthy relationships that provides you some of the things that you expect in a person to give you we did a conversation recently somebody Vicki and I were in the conversation somebody and I was explaining that a person highest developed these other healthy relationships and outlets so that I wasn't so dependent upon her to meet all of my emotional needs and needs for pleasure et cetera and the person was concerned about Vicki when I said it and they said well Vicki how do you feel about that and she says I'm relieved that's a lot to put on one person to be your everything and we just sang God is everything but we don't mean it because we keep putting pressure on somebody else to do that for fulfill that role here's the third thing the third thing is don't keep score if we're gonna get along as we go along keeping score never wins in a relationship first Corinthians chapter 13 in verse 4 says about love it says love is patient love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud I like that it does not boast something focus on that it does not boast love does not boast love does not bow say that for me love does not boast next verse next verse it does not dishonor others it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs it keeps no record of wrongs it doesn't have a file on people's failures it keeps no record of wrongs and it does not boast it keeps no record of wrongs and it does not boast it doesn't brag on itself and it keeps no record of wrongs it doesn't tell you how great it doesn't speak of how great it is and how bad you are so it keeps no record of wrongs and it does not boast that means it doesn't keep score whenever you keep score you boast on yourself and you say I'm the only one doing something here I'm putting a hundred percent in this marriage you ain't doing nothing I'm doing 70 percent financially you ain't carrying your weight all y'all do is eat up everything around here I ain't carrying your load I do all the cooking I do all the cleaning I'm the only one responsible in here we would have lost this house of a woman for my financial discipline if it weren't for my good credit we wouldn't have moved in this house and we doing all this and you jacked up everything and you blew everything you almost made us laws them you keep a record of wrongs and you always boast on yourself and you're always doing so great I'm the only one saving on electricity here I'm the owner cut all like cut off lights to hear you to like cut her off her in the house you be cutting on like what you need life for you got your phone you just and all it does is make you feel greater about yourself and make them feel like they're less than worthy of all you invest but love doesn't keep score in January 22nd 2006 the Los Angeles Lakers played against the Toronto Raptors the Lakers won the game 122 to 104 in that game Kobe Bryant scored 81 points he took 66 shots anybody played as well that's a lot of shots and he took 66 shots including free throws and he scored 81 points in the Lakers won the starting center that night was Kwame Brown he made one field goal and one free throw he scored three points and the Lakers won Lamar Odom made one three-point shot in the game the whole game in five free throws he scored eight points in the Lakers win when Kobe Bryant who scored 81 points was interviewed after the game he never said one thing bad about Kwame about Lamar about Chris Mims about smush Parker anybody else on the team all he said about his performance was Eric I did whatever I had to do to win the game I did what I had to do to win if I was at a Pentecostal church it would've got on the organ right there and be like [Applause] but since I met Sian I just got a deal with y'all he said it didn't matter what I did that's my job to score it had to score 81 points as long as we win I'm not getting on them for scoring three points or eight points I'm supposed to score I'm supposed to go he had two assists that game Eric I don't know who he passed her he must've been quadruple team Kobe don't pass there nobody unless it's under duress what am I saying to you you keep talking about all the scoring you're doing I'm saying maybe you're the Kobe Bryant of your house score you're 81 and shut up look at somebody next to you say shut up and shoot yeah shut up and shoot shoot the ball if you got to cook dinner and clean the kitchen and dump the trash and cut the grass do it all maybe you too Kobe Bryant of your family shut up and shoot keep telling over somebody else ain't doing LeBron James and Magic Johnson play all five positions whatever it takes to win maybe you're LeBron of your household or LeBron uh you got to learn how to celebrate what you did if nobody in the house thank you for cooking dinner you gotta say I did good on this then I chopped them onions up and sauteed that meat and put them vegetables in there I paired that with love I know they ain't grateful but they could have a damn McDonald's at night and been sick but I know everything I put in that food and I cleaned the kitchen up and I'm proud of what I did and I'm a roll of trash cans out because I don't want the house to stink and I'm gonna do some long work and I'm like that cuz I'm Kobe in this house and whatever it takes my family to win that's what we gonna do shut up and shoot I got a scripture for you you know you need scripture Galatians 6 for his description to supports that pay careful attention to your own work but then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else here's the next thing let's stop talking about all you do just do it do it you Kobe you read me Kobe or smush Parker oh it's much Parker that's what I mean number four treat people the way you want to be treated see whoever you have whoever you know you got this problem with I guarantee you keep in school I guarantee you keep in school of everything they leave undone and everything they let down I'm just saying I know they're supposed to put the trash out just put the trash out just say yeah I put the trash out for you cuz you forgot again somebody's just standing over the trash all night hey come in the house at one o'clock good morning do you see what I see you just walked past it again huh you ain't slept in four days honey you smell that ain't touching it whole house smell like trash they got to learn none of you magic you're LeBron sir take the trash out and then applaud yourself I'm a trash take out a grass cutting dinner cooking dishwashing I'm Jamaican I'm sorry anybody outside anybody this is late it's late amen if you from Matthew chapter 7 verse 12 we didn't get to Matthew chapter 7 and what did Jesus say we just looked at pasta chapter 5 but in his Sermon on the Mount in verse 12 he says do to others whatever you would like them to do to you this is the essence of all that is taught in the lonna prophets Jesus saying treat people the way you want to be treated so watch this how does this apply I think about the person you had this tense relationship with and it's spiteful and it's adverse and it's manipulating and there's stressful and is disrespectful and is aired about beautiful bowel syndrome miss mean how about this I love this why don't you talk to them the way you like to be talked to because let me tell you something when we're upset with somebody our filter is gone making our whole family look bad we just say whatever come on all right this is a disgrace so we keep it 100 people but when we when we mess up we'd rather somebody keep it like 86 with us not a hundred can you drop it down there like 82 I can give somebody 82 you know you didn't get it done without but here's what you did right that's what you want to hear you know what I said when I started thinking about this it's not thinking about the person that my relationship that I'm challenged with and I saw saying man I never tell him that I appreciate what he does I barely say it so I sent him a text I said just I know I never say this but I appreciate everything you do and he didn't respond but this ain't about them this is about me what am I going to do different because that's what I like it doesn't matter if they don't change see that means let me show you something preaching in church is not for other people it's always for us it's always for you stop being an expert at giving people sermons that you haven't lived you always say I'm gonna get this message for them or I'm gonna sing you to link you need to hear this no they don't need to hear they need to see it and maybe after they see it in your life they'll say what happened to you then you can say let me sing you the link you sent in a link to something you haven't lived we are like expert sermon distributors oh yeah you need to check this out man is a game changer what did you do you came in here and left the same way if you don't make application of where to go all you did was come to church you should have saved gas we online if you even do now stay home and do nothing there's no obligation but don't ever I need this let me tell you something when I'm dealing with something that's spiteful and adverse and manipulative is stressful and jealous and this I need that do I need something in here is gonna work with that and the only way it's gonna work with it is if I apply my part to see that's why you supposed to take notes I know you real cool and real smooth or you act like you ain't got write nothing down in church you just you're just a book but the problem with you not right now anything is how you gonna remember what you're supposed to do you ain't that good you ain't it you should at least fake like you wrote something let me drink give me my phone real quick take a picture that you should take a picture of something or write down and answer it beside something that you gonna do something about my last point don't lose precious time being hurt and mad James chapter 4 says New King James Version it says basically says tomorrow's not promised how do we tell them over tomorrow will he know what's gonna happen tomorrow for what is your life it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away life is so brief if you ever think about like if you can think back to when you were in elementary school to see yourself in elementary school for a second what school you went to where you were who your friends were with your teacher were as a school the building the playground something I can see my elementary school and for me that's that's over four decades it's almost five decades for somebody else's ten years ago somebody else's 20 30 40 50 years ago I'm saying but but when I when I go from my elementary school memory to today what I see in between there is just a blur so blip life is social you know when you're young you'll be like that I can't wait to I get 16 man's I can get my learner's you my learner's Jordy we can't wait like the 18 man I can't retake it 21 I leave in here you're always trying to get older then when you get older you be like whoa slow down there hold hold up how many know that's true ladies I can't wait I'm a big kid some of us are spending so much of our time hours and days and weeks just sayin hurt a man and I'm not I'm not minimizing that we don't need times a pain and sorrow but how many days do you spend here let me tell you what I know for sure I'm taking between money and time every single person in here your money is either growing or is disappearing that's a fact you either growing money or you blowing it no question if your money is sitting somewhere and is growing you can make money while you sleep if it's in the right investment if it's in the right place I can't tell you I don't know whose portfolio is what in here I don't know whose money is disappearing I don't know whose money is growing I can tell you something out every single person in here without one doubt every single person listen to me right now is running out of time all of us time is disappearing on us every second it will never be today again it will never be this day again it will never be two o'clock today again ever and when you sit in this chair I don't care if it's a chair in a location ain't even geographical it's a place in your soul where you keep going day after day after day and you still say you can't control what you lose you can't control who left you you can't control who got hurt you can't control tragedy or trauma but what you can control is how long I'm gonna stay in this place because God said I have come watch this when Jesus said I've come that you may have life and have it more abundantly he said it right after he said the thief came to steal to kill and to destroy he says but I've come that you may have life and have it more abundantly and he's not talking about when you get to heaven he's talking about right now there's a life he wants you to enjoy right now enjoy your life right now do me a favor don't elbow him this time push him this time and say enjoy your life I don't care if you don't even know push that BAM but say enjoy your life enjoy your daggone life do something different in your life stop punishing yourself for your mistakes and sitting in your sorrow and your children having all that fun they don't even call they call you sir you go somewhere they can't find you because they always control in your life I dare you to have your own fun as your pastor I give you permission to have fun in your life I give you permission to create something new try something new in your life I dated go to a park and sit on a swing and just play out in the yard by yourself and enjoy a day to get on a plane and get you a passport and go somewhere you ain't never thought you could go before and enjoy your dangle like the devil is a liar you've been sitting in depression too low God said you're supposed to enjoy your life push somebody again say enjoy your life you don't know how much time you got left you sit here crying yourself to sleep at night the devil is a liar they hurt you they lied on you they love you they damage you they stole money from you so what it's over now I'm gonna enjoy what time I got left some of y'all so locked down soon as you go try to do some your kids call me wait you an you posed to be making us funny have fun I'm out I'm out I'll be back Friday you only not to say that do you vary fried be in cleese yes he's three I like this Ecclesiastes 3 verse 12 says so I concluded this is the wisest men ever his name is Solomon he said so I concluded there's nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can as long as we can you don't know how much time you got left you better enjoy it enjoy what you got left next verse and people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor these are gifts from God it is a gift from God to enjoy your life one of the reasons why we don't do it is it's because we get triggered sometimes we're doing good and some thought it is come again somebody we're in a relationship with upsets us again and we write back over here and some of us don't sit here and cry we'd be throwing breaking stuff and cussing hurt and mad and let me tell you let me give you a trigger plan I'm gonna give you seven things and I'm done so take me about another 50 minutes a trigger plan is this whenever your trigger a trigger is a is an indication that your long-term memory has been warned of former trauma so whenever you're triggered you have to know that every trigger feels like the original trauma in other words if something was done harshly to you when you get around something that seems like and sent your senses you sense it that is that but it's not it feels like it so the first so the next thing you do is give yourself permission to be upset about it you know what that hurt me before and I should have never been treated that way that was wrong and I give myself permission to be sad and to grieve over what I've been triggered by but here's the third thing always put a time limit on how long you're gonna be upset that's very important I used to give myself a whole day I said I'm gonna get yourself you got one day to be upset 24 hours that was it and going days and weeks and months now you don't stop talking to people for weeks suddenly I ain't talking to people has been doing him we lost track I give myself one day I said I got 24 hours for 25 don't you don't you say no now it's your mouth tell me I will I will say you won't even think I'm saved then I got in my 50s I said I'm 50 I'm 53 years old these days of counting up I didn't got oh I don't know how many 24-hour periods I got enough so I took it down I went to ground I took it down at two I said you got two hours to be upset and I used my two hours - I say say something say something yeah I'll fuzz it anybody which what I try to get out of that hole as quickly as my own K who put me in it because allowed to sometimes the person who pushed you in the hole will not help pull you out of it I had to learn how to climb out myself I said you got two hours it's 7:00 p.m. 9:00 p.m. that's over we're going back to businesses use as much as humanly possible life is too short how many I'll receive that life is too short for you to be stuck there's somebody to push you in the deep end of the pool and you are their trade water sighs do you see me always round they can't even swim in fact they add the grill cooking and hot dogs and you and you better learn to get out of that so here's the fourth thing we're not my mom fourth thing is make a mental distinction between now and then see in our brain long term memory all the emotional pain feels like it's now but you have to distinguish this is not then this that was then this is now now it's different from then and number five be grateful that I'm not where I was or who I was when I was in the trauma this is a trigger and because I'm triggered because of my trauma I feel things big but I'm not where I was or who I was and only means geography you could be in the same house that you would traumatize it but you're not where you were because you're not who you were no one the worst things about ever going through a trauma is you're the same person you were before the trauma yeah that's a shame you ought to be wiser you ought to be stronger you ought to be smarter you ought to be more confident you ought to be woke you're gonna be able to say you know what yeah the reason why I'm not as worried about this trigger is because who I was then is not who I am now and I thought I deserve to be treated like that then but you will never do that to me again you won't do that to me again I'm woke now you might have stole money from me before but you ain't gonna hit me with that trickeration anymore you may have put your hands on me before but you won't put them on B anymore I am not who I was I'm I don't thank God for that I am not who I was I know that I know there was a version of me root God there was a version of me you could've did that too but not today you'll say what I was saying not now yeah number six here's a very important point understand the fact that your incarnation is not an incarceration now that's a real fancy statement let me explain it incarnation by definition is when God becomes man the incarnation of Jesus Christ is when God the Son came from heaven he came down to earth through the womb of Mary into the world to become a human she to come from somewhere through something to become human and what he went through to become something he became who he would help as long as he was in heaven and God he couldn't provide the sacrifice for humankind that he needed to provide unless he went through something to become something so he could help what he became as incarnation every time you go through something you become something and now you were incarnate to become who you're supposed to help so stop looking at what you've been through his punishment is purposeful God is not out to hurt you like he's like he he gets a thrill out of punishing you because when you view what you went through his punishment you're incarcerated and whenever you're incarcerated you're just doing time that's why you can't get out of your depression because depression makes me look at what happened in my past sadly that's all depression is it makes me look back on my past sad but if I look back on my past and say he allowed me to go through that to help somebody else because had to become who I was supposed to help you're just ashamed in what you've been through but if you keep talking about it somebody's gonna hear you and see that you're a survivor of what they're fighting right now now I can look at what I've been through and not be ashamed of it that equipped me that empowered me that's why I'm incarnate I went through that because of my assignment you understand I'm saying I went through what I went through so if you were abandoned if you were molested if you were raped if you were cheated on if you were bribed whatever you went through you had cancer you had some kind of illness you survived all that because you're gonna run into some people that needs your story or y'all ain't ready depression makes me look back sad and what happened anxiety makes me look ahead with it makes me look at the future but sadly but if I look at all of it this way if I look at what I suffer as preparation I look at it with confidence because now I know I've been equipped and empowered I'm not incarcerated I've been incarnated and the reason why I know I'm incarnate it's because I'm still here it didn't take me out now watch this people who go through stuff right come out of it what's my last point they come out of it with lessons that they've learned that become the lesson plans they teach other people but people who feel incarcerated by their past are ashamed of it and never use it to help somebody else you ain't the only one that been through what you've been through stop looking at shows you ain't that person you ain't that special you ain't the only one who suffered with you suffered it may have been a lot but see this is the thing people ask me where I went to school right and we we just had this conversation we just ordained three ministers in our church so I get to the ordination service and I got there late I know one right but I was late I'm going to say I got there late I walk into the meeting and you have to say as a senior pastor what grounds are you ordaining these people on so I said we have a need for their leadership and service in our church so the moderator of the ordination says well where have they gone to school what is their educational background and I swear I ain't nowhere none of them went to school one of them's are you pastor here one of them says we're British and one I'm set for watching I don't know where they went to high school I don't know where they went to college I don't know none of that I just know where they've been through your incentive Sam the school and I ain't been to enough school if you if you want to make me a pastor most pastors have to go to seminary have a degree have a master's in theology a doctorate in ministry or doctrine and theology I ain't got none of that but I am anointed to do this because what I do have I survived some stuff you understand I'm saying uh you understand now you might have all the degrees I don't care what you got but you better have an incarnation you have to become something the reason why I can pass it y'all cuz I become a lot I've been through a lot I've suffered a lot I've gone through enough to be able to help you with what I've been through and I mean I've gone through everything you've been through but there's enough pain in this room there's enough survivors in this room they help this whole county if you'd open up your mouth and say here's where I come from and here's what I'm to do because I survived so I don't have to be mad at the people that hurt me you helped me but you'll never do it again let's get that straight you will never do that again but since it happened I am equipped taken check see depression and anxiety is eating people up and it's all about how you look at your past and how you're looking at your future and if I look at my past as preparation no matter how dark it was I can look at my future with confidence and say I'm built for this I'm built for this and if I ain't built for it Hill in carnate me again and take me through something else so I can be built for this y'all ain't ready for this the other side I'm saying all right i'ma let you go how do you see it how do you see it I don't see it the same I ain't a victim I'm a survivor but victim area where you want victim I almost you you you can't just be a victim cuz you're here I swear victims are not here in in in in legal and medical terminology victims are no longer with us survivors are still here why did he let you survive it so you can stay incarcerated in your prison and be ashamed of it and you just doing time God just wanted to punish you he don't love you he's the one to punish you just picking on you ain't picking on you he picked you guys good how about to get this tape myself picking on you he picked you he chose you he trusted you with that kind of trauma you bad you amazing let me leave y'all alone stand up so I can know it's time to go cuz I know y'all don't stand up during preaching I know it's over we y'all stand up so I know it's time to go so I'll stop I'll stop now says you're on your feet I'm talking about relationships the tough ones do something different show up different get in love y'all know what I mean I said get in love stay in love I mean tell my human stuff that love runs out I need a love that doesn't run dry and a love that'll make you care for people who you don't even get along with just kind of love from God but make you look at it it'll hook you up with people using me if I could tell you the truth I ain't even like this person before now we can actually sit down together and have a conversation that's the love of God that's cuz you in love father thank you for your word I thank you for those who had the diligence and the endurance to receive it today and help us to not just hear it but he did whatever that thing is you want us to apply to our personal lives may we do it in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Keith Battle

Views: 5,999

Rating: 4.8375635 out of 5

Keywords: How to get along, Pastor battle, pastor keith battle, keith battle, zion church, God, Jesus, God is love, sermon, faith, faith in God, peace, love your neighbor, Bible

Id: 6j4oRq7ZbCo

Length: 56min 14sec (3374 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 14 2019