How to Become A BADASS At Making Money | Jen Sincero

the number one question I get at my talks is what do you do when the people closest to you don't support your growth and the main reason they don't support it because you're killing off the person they love I mean think about that like you're changing who you are and they're comfortable with who you are and they feel that's their reality too is is caught up in whom you are being so when you decide to change you're killing off their buddy or their whatever and you're screwing up their reality because you fit into theirs I think you gotta have a dream the school of greatness yeah please welcome and I wanted to start with uh asking you a question about money and talking about money for a moment because because I feel like a lot of people are in fear around money right now they're scared they're uncertain of what's going to happen with all these things in the world around money and inflation and crisis and all these different things I'm curious with all of your research and all of your feedback from your audience with your book about money what do you feel like is the number one thing that holds people back emotionally and mentally around believing that they are deserving of making the money they want about the deserving peace oh wow um well first of all I think that a lot of people think it's not okay like there's a real morality around making money really because think about it we really focus on Greed and when you desire money it's not the same as being greedy but I think that we combine those two things and so of course if you decide that you want to make money it's you don't tell people I remember like when I was on my path to like get rich people were grossed out you know it's not I mean I always compare it to like if I was like I'm going to lose 100 pounds people were like oh you you're like I'm Gonna Get Rich they're like you're disgusting wow you know so there is a real judgment why is that if someone's ambitious around making money and and creating Financial abundance for themselves why is that I think because there is an implied um morality piece where you're going to do things that are really bad for everybody involved like you're gonna money is the main goal so you'll do anything to get rich I think there is this really weird perception of that and I do think that you know the news definitely focuses on all the evil that people do to make money and so I mean you know that you rarely hear about people giving lots of money your way or doing wonderful things with money it really is about how evil the rich are yeah it's it's more rare because people are giving but you don't hear about it though yeah not so much and it's also here's the interesting thing because we've also been taught to diminish our giving like to not talk about our giving right to make it Anonymous don't brag that you're giving where I actually have started to prescribe to maybe talk 50 of the time about what you're giving and the other 50 of time it doesn't have to be you know you telling the world about it but I think when you say here's what I'm giving it inspires other people to be generous in giving as well absolutely and it doesn't have to be only money but it can be your time your energy your resources another way but I think sharing about it sometimes empowers other people to be more generous as well I agree and it also takes away the stigma that you're an ego maniacal fat head and that you want like all the praise are being such a good guy but um and why not like we talk about other good things we do it's just money you know I've written about sex I've studied religion money is by far the most loaded the most loaded absolutely it's the dirtiest topic I don't know why and I don't I really don't I don't it's interesting though like did your parents talk to you about money you know I grew up a little bit yeah a little bit but but there was stress around money right which caused it to feel more unsettling so there was some conversation but most of the conversation was stressful or their relationship wasn't peaceful right so I was like okay well if they're not peaceful but they're working really hard and money is tied to working hard then something must be off exactly and it wasn't a money issue it was just an emotional healing issue right and that just happened to be mixed in with money yes and so in your little brain you put it attached to money makes stress yeah exactly yeah what was your perception of money before you started to make it versus when you started doing a kid well I grew up in a super waspy household so you know we don't discuss money like it's you know dirty and on couth um never learned anything about it at all uh and no education around it hello oh my God no like nothing and um and so when I so I was very um of the mind that it wasn't cool to want to make money you know the Unholy dollar like I was a rock and roller so I was like more about the art and um you're not gonna sell yourself out exactly selling out like what a concept selling out basically means you're getting paid for doing what you love like why is that so bad right and then the whole starving artist crap and all that stuff yeah and that rich people sucked and I was too cool to focus on money I also believed I sucked at making it which was the truth um I also had a weird feeling that like I was it was almost like a different species it's almost like me there's me and then there's grown-ups right and I felt that way about money too like there's me and there's people who actually make like real money and have big houses and fancy cars and like do stuff like but I was I was like the child version of that you know always sitting at the kid table financially and so it was a total identity shift that I had to go through where it was like that I could open myself up to like being somebody who could receive that kind of wealth it was a real big shift for me do you think we have to go through an identity shift in order to see money differently and to be able to receive it differently I think you do absolutely that's a really great way to go at it yeah what was your you know the key words around your identity with money when you didn't have much versus the key words that you would speak about within yourself or what one it is once you started to unlock more money well it wasn't necessarily around identity my words because I did have two very serious mantras um but there was a lot of visualizing myself with money like I wrote about buying the Audi and you are a bad and like I'm not the kind of person who drives it out here are you kidding me like and like almost feeling like this the guy who like test drove it with me would be like get out of here I Know Who You Are you can't afford this exactly so um so but my Mantra is really like in before I started making money I said I can't afford it to pretty much anything you could throw at me my first words out of my mouth were I can't afford it and like what are we doing when we're we're saying that whether it's true or not true we are buying into an identity as somebody who can't afford stuff we are also proving it you know what you speak you want to prove because you want to be right and it is sort of the foundation of your reality so when I say I can't afford it a hundred times a day I'm subconsciously pulling in proof like look at the car I'm driving I'm living in an alley like I make this much money a year I'm I'm building all the foundational blocks to prove that I can't afford it and that becomes my reality and then that becomes my I like to call it familiarity Zone because Comfort zones are not comfortable interesting right so so then I'm just proving it over and over and over and that becomes my reality and then to shift out of that um literally means to literate your reality and your identity right so that's like an explosion it's like you have to have a like a death an explosion a bomb almost like a lot it does and it's killing off your old identity and this is why I'm going to totally go off on a segue here but this is why like the number one question I get at my talks is what do you do when the people closest to you don't support your growth and the main reason they don't support it because because you're killing off the person they love oh man I mean think about that like you're changing who you are and they're comfortable with who you are and they feel that's their reality too is is caught up in who you are being so when you decide to change you're killing off their buddy or their whatever and you're screwing up their reality because you fit into theirs wow so it's really a thing it's so interesting I was I was telling someone on my team this a few weeks ago that in the different seasons of my life from 18 until now I have had all these amazing experiences from school to sports teams to moving to New cities to finding new groups and communities and a lot of them I've outgrown in certain ways or just transitioned out of maybe not outgrown but just I've gone to do other things and continue to try to evolve I'm not saying I'm better than but I've continued to try to evolve in my goal of the old me and and some of them don't like it and I Lose Friends totally in the process of changing myself Reinventing myself letting go of old behaviors and stepping into a different you know identity and it's not easy yeah to have communities that you love and people you are familiar with and hanging out with that supports you and you go to parties and do whatever activities and then all of a sudden they stop returning your calls yeah and they stop texting you back and you feel sad hurt you know disappointed yeah that you're trying to go somewhere and they don't support that it's a scary time yeah it is it's very lonely that's why it's Lonely at the Top what what suggestions do you give to people then who are shifting their identity stepping into a new reality for themselves and their friends don't like it their family doesn't like it their communities don't like it and they're telling them to hey come back and hang out with us what's what do you say to them well first of all really make the decision are you going to stay small and Shrink just so that you can be around those people and make them comfortable or is your comfort more important and your growth more important and also it doesn't serve them either like if you all stay at the same low level because not everybody ditches you there are some people that are just like oh my God you inspire the crap out of me I'm gonna do it too it's true right so Focus It's all where you place your focus right and then also focus on who you're going to meet now that you're getting big right right those exciting inspiring people who are turned on by the same things you are who are doing the same things you are like it's all about where you put your focus and you can only I mean I really only have maybe five to seven close friends that I can actually spend meaningful time with outside of my girlfriend which I spend a lot of time with outside of my team which I'm spending time with during the day yeah it's only so many nights and weekends that I can spend quality time with people yeah and you may need to open up space to invite in people that are at a I don't know an awareness or a support or a level of thinking that you want to be at as well right um to to create that time and connection with so right it's scary though if it's not scary you're doing something wrong though right so how old were you when when things started to shift psychologically mentally and emotionally and did you create a bomb was it more of a slow breakthrough for you and shifting this identity and this old skin yeah yeah I was 40. it was in my 40s yeah you know I really struggled and suffered for way too long I mean don't get me wrong I had a fun life like I was going on road trips and I was in a band and I was doing all the things I want to do but financially I was just so stuck and stubborn in my thinking you know and so that's actually how I finally picked up a self-help book like I was I mean self-help was as ugly as making money was for me I die and they'd find him in my house because I was too cool and uh and that's when I was just like I have got to do something and um that's when I started reading them when I was sort of end of my 30s beginning in my 40s but it was in my 40s that I hired my first life coach and went totally into debt for it like put it on my credit card called her and begged her for the money back and luckily she was a great coach she's like that could be the most important money you ever spend wow and then I was like front row doing every single single thing she said and pluckily she's an excellent coach and I tripled my income in like three months and wow and then once things once I saw myself do that then I was like okay this works this works and then I was just a straight A student just doing all the things just kept showing up oh I kept doubling my rates and wow kept cold calling and doing all the stuff that I was just like but but it was so cool at the same time like it was so fun because one of the things about being stuck is that life force that's going through all of us right like it was about the money but it wasn't about it was about the money money is great I don't want to you know I love having money it's so it's just freedom and options right money is just freedom and options and who does not want that all day long but also it was about the life force that that I knew I could be doing better and there was just so much Jenison chero that wanted to like go shine basically right and and I was blocking it off I could just feel it so it was just this clogging in this like frustration that once I hired the coach like I was I was in the game and I was I was playing and I was taking risks and I was doing stuff I'd never done before and it was so exciting it was so alive you know it's a life force money is currency and currency is energy and that energy is a life force oh and when when you were feeling stuck financially and around money was it more of a thinking or a feeling in your body in an emotional connection to it or was it both both definitely both so that was the thought and what was the feeling tied to it the thought was I am never going to get out of this I'm 40. I'm living in a garage in an alley I've never been able to make money it's just not something I personally can ever do um and then more subconsciously like you know lots of things subconsciously but you know it's not okay to do it I discovered that I had a really the biggest block for me was if I get really rich I will my father who wasn't able to show love very comfortably would always give me a 20 or that was his way of yep and I was like if I get rich I don't need Dad anymore oh wow and it's like putting a knife in his heart oh my goodness that one blew everything open for me when I realized that and um and so yeah so those were the things but it was really hopelessness just like frustration and hopelessness like how am I ever going to get out of this and then and then I guess that you know the feeling was hopelessness despair sadness anger frustration what does that mean yeah resentment yeah everything now did you resent people with money back then was it like oh you know yeah through them they're entitled to them this or whatever anybody who talked about it I was really resentful of I was thinking shut up yeah yeah yeah yeah and what happens if we don't speak about money in a healthy way we perpetuate it as being the big Boogeyman yeah and and I think anything that's Hush Hush has you know and I do I relate it to sex all the time like we're all supposed to be really good at sex but you're never allowed to talk about it and you certainly don't learn about it you know so it's like this weird mysterious dirty thing it really is I mean it's dirty money is dirty you know I don't want your dirty money like you know what I mean it's dirty until you not don't make it dirty right you can say you change it exactly so just by like airing it out and talking about it and being joyful about it and talking about what you do with it joyfully and sharing it and making it and being happy that you made it and not you know it's so not a big deal and it's like we all need it you know it's so funny I always think like you know if I told the average person like I'm gonna give you ten thousand bucks I'd be like sweet and then you know but talking about like how do you feel about rich people how do you feel about people who make tons and tons of money and the despair you know the difference between that like you want it but there's still dirtiness around it which is why I put in two of my books to write that letter to money because it's a really interesting exercise you wrote like a love letter to one yeah you just write a letter uh to money as if it's a person almost so it's like I love you I wish I had more of you but I don't trust you and I feel like a dirty for even saying that and you know all so all the all the things and then you can see what you got going on this is a topic that I've been fashioned about for decades because I didn't have money at one point also I was living on my sister's couch for a year and a half um I couldn't pay for the rent I didn't buy food I was just like living off of her for a year and a half when I was recovering from a surgery a risk that I broke playing football and I was afraid of it my father also got into a pretty um bad car accident a year prior to me getting injured where he was kind of that like Lifeline for me where he'd give me 100 bucks when I needed it and paid for things and just said hey you know go live your dreams and when you're done we'll figure out what you're gonna do with the job right he got in a car accident he had extreme head trauma wasn't a coma for three months thank God ended up Surviving but wasn't able to work anymore so he was physically alive emotionally and mentally kind of not here wow so he he passed a year ago but it was 17 years of him struggling right to try to recover so I had this you know father backup to support me financially in a sense I mean just give me a 20 or 100 bucks here and there and he was no longer able to do that wow so I remember being fascinated by this conversation 20 years ago because I was like I don't understand it I don't know how to make it um I don't know why anyone would give me money you know where's my value come from like Yeah I wanted to ask someone for money when I don't even know what skills or values I have right right right and early on I started to learn from these you know mentors and coaches teaching me about money and one of them was around the way we speak about money because if we are essentially saying this is bad and evil or I'm not good enough for this then why would that thing come to us if we think it's bad and evil we're going to be rejecting it or we don't think we're deserving of it why would we receive it probably bring it into us right and so I had to really shift this conversation you know 20 years ago around money and do what you talk about which is just having more open conversations not talking about it like it's this hush-hush thing but just being more open and conversational and not being so emotionally like heightened yeah when you talk about it and learn from a peaceful place of talking about it so I love that you have this write a letter to money yeah and really I tell people you like if you want your money to appreciate you must appreciate it exactly yeah treat it like you're the greatest lover of your life right yes treat like if you want your partner to be investing in you and to be giving words of affirmation and physical touch and like gifts if you want all these Love Languages then you've got to pour into and appreciate the partner you're with absolutely tell them how grateful you are every day tell them what you love about them what you see in them and when you appreciate a person like you said or if you appreciate money it can appreciate in value and continue in return absolutely it's energy and it really that like money is currency and currency is energy like like I had to hear it like six thousand times before I really got that money is energy it's a frequency so when you raise your frequency and get into alignment with it and that whole alignment thing is all about none of the limiting beliefs just just being in surrender and in alignment and having it flowing so at the beginning you ask me what my mom you know what my words were so first it was I can't afford it and then I eventually went to money flows to me easily and freely and this is still while I was living in the garage still while I was you know so in debt but I had started doing all the energy work around and I was like all right what are my blocks like when when you write a new mantra it's all about like really like the letter to money like what just kept coming up and it that I was stuck and that it was hard and then I didn't know what I was doing so there was like hard and stuck and confusion so flowing easily and freely it was just like yeah even though I did not believe it at first like it wasn't about believing it it was about the feeling because we are emotional creatures and free you know that emotion the frequency of emotions was um you know the flowing the easily and freely flowing was really really powerful for me so now when you write a statement or a mantra that you're wanting to step into but you don't believe it yet is that lying to yourself or how do we overcome this thing that okay this is what I want and this is what I'm stepping into and the feelings I want to experience but I don't have it yet I don't I don't and that's not actually true yet okay I'm just gonna say if you are not successful at what you want to be successful for and you're feeling stuck you're already lying to yourself because you're buying into the identity that is not in the flow so that's the lie so money flowing to me easily and freely because I live in an abundant universe and I'm a creature who receives that is the truth so even though the identity that I'm in is not believing it yet it doesn't matter what matters is that I'm feeling it for so I always tell people like you don't have to believe it at first like but you have to feel it so that's why what the words make you feel like are the most important part about it so ease and free and flow was the most important part of that do you feel like okay you said you're around 40 years Young when this kind of happened was there something in your life that was like I'm just sick and tired of feeling this way after two decades or I like I just want to see what's possible for me in this next decade but so something around that time that made you say all right this hasn't worked for 40 years of my life yeah now I'm going to try something different you know I think it was there really wasn't like I didn't know it was getting hit by a bus or you know I just I first of all it's so boring being broke like you can't do anything right really you can't do anything so and and I think it was just sort of a it's almost like I ripened you know it's almost like how many times do you hear something before it's the aha moment you know why does that suddenly happen I think you just finally are in a place where you can hear it for some reason so I had started reading the self-help books and I was really into it and you know I made a bunch of half attempts at like getting my act together but I think it was just I think I just ripened and then I I made the decision like I think really living in and and it was like a one-car garage like it was small and I think after a little while of that I'm sick and tired of this on I am 40 years old you know I could do better than this right right and so I think I was just so sick of myself so my friend Dean graciosi says we pay attention to what we pay for do you think you making this investment in a coach made you pay attention more to okay now I gotta make my money back and I'm gonna make more than my money back so I'm gonna Focus I'm gonna do all the painful things that she tells me to do and I'm gonna be the best student I can be is that what your thought was because you invested definitely and I will say though is I've had clients pay me lots of money and not do a damn thing so it's not a guarantee so that is part of it for sure because I've also given like free coaching sessions to my friends and it's like the biggest waste of all of our time right but um so I do think that the exchange of money is very very real but I think more importantly your attitude and the decision it's deciding oh yeah yeah because you can decide to invest but you're still not committed to taking the action and doing whatever it takes absolutely and I've got been given things for free especially at that time in my life like anything I can get my hands on I was a straight A student so the money did have something to do with it but I was but you were also committed ready no I was you were all in oh my God before you weren't committed yes because you have the emotional blocks that were just half yeah and so I do think it was that sort of it's sort of like the water hitting the Rock and then it's the Grand Canyon you know like reading the self-help books like I did I had started that a couple years before the garage so I was sort of priming myself and then finally I was just like what was the book that really inspired you the most the science of getting rich by Wallace Waddles yeah it's a good one I mean not only because it's like this big because I'm super impatient but I mean it's super cryptic it's like it's all about the universe being a thinking stuff and when you impress your thoughts into the thinking stuff it becomes real and material world and I just I just it really really really spoke to me I read it tons of times really yes yeah what was the biggest takeaway from that book oh so happy you asked because I'm talk about this line all the time is to think what you want to think is to think the truth regardless of appearances so this is everything right so mindset is everything so regardless of appearances regardless of the fact that I'm living in a garage in an L.A driving a car with no Grill like those are the appearances but to think what you want and I think the want is so key too because that's your that's your authenticity that's not like thinking what other people think you should do and how you should live your life to think what you want the purpose that you were put on planet Earth to live out that's the truth that is the truth so your desires are the truth not what's physically around you wow so how do we know that we are in Harmony and congruency with our desires that it's for something not just selfish and self-serving by itself or ego driven but more I don't know driven by something greater you know because if someone says well I want to make a lot of money or I want to make a hundred thousand dollars in a year or five hundred thousand or whatever it is or Millions how do we line up our desires with our authentic selves so that we don't hurt ourselves in the process of making money or become overwhelming daunting or draining I think you always come back to is it fun does it give me energy or deplete my energy and does it have meaning those are the three things that I'm really living my life by these days and uh I think that if you're in alignment with those three things another thing certainly but those are sort of my big three is it fun does it give me energy and does it give me meaning yeah and is it meaningful yeah is it meaningful yeah I like that yeah and where were you at 39 doing things that weren't fun they trained your energy meaning yeah pretty much I mean I was a freelance writer hustling my butt off and then like when I really did the math I was like the amount of time I spent hustling for this gig and they don't pay that well like magazine articles come on I was making like I was probably losing money quite frankly so um yeah no there was there was none of that it was not fun it was exhausting it had some meaning but you got to get all three you know yeah or at least start working towards it because yeah you may not be able to at this season but you got to focus on can I can I get one can I get one and is it leading in the direction of something that is fun that is going to give me energy and has meaning because you're right like when you're building a company or when you're doing something like it is exhausting and but if it's still exciting and fun and has meaning then yeah yeah it doesn't get to be a picnic all the time one was the biggest aha moment for you then like was it after you made a certain amount of money or a client paid you something or was it just a feeling you had like releasing all of it in the process of working like when was that moment where you're like I'm actually emotionally and mentally free around the idea of money oh interesting um maybe I'm not abundant I will tell you no I actually did and I did put it in you are a badass I put it in one of them it was when I I had oh my God it was such a cool moment so because money is currency and currency is energy right so we're really going to get woo-woo with the money like really Shifting the mindset around money and I and bring me back to my story if I go off on tangent because I'm about to go on off on a tangent I want to remember but I um money is currency and currency is energy yes money is currency currencies energy and I've had so many clients that have told me and it's happened to me too where they manifest when they get into the meditation and they start to raise their frequency and they focus on the amount the exact amount comes in from outer space that you didn't even think of and so my story is around that where I was working with my coach and we were really going to shift my money reality and so she's like you know what amount of money would be really great for you to make right now like what would have a lot of meaning and I was like ten thousand dollars because I'm ten thousand dollars in debt on my credit card and I hate being in debt she's like perfect and so she's like okay so how soon are you gonna make it and she goes you know like about a week two weeks because I you know and I was outside making like 30 grand a year and I was like my God if I made 10 000 in a week that would be incredible and I was like but you know what I gotta do it in two days because I know myself and I won't keep myself in that frequency like I'll lose Steam and I'll decide that like yeah it's not I I can't do it or whatever like I knew that the stuff would start creeping back in so I was like all right 10 grand in two days just like great okay so how are you gonna do it at the time I had this little online coaching business that I had just started coaching writers and I said I'll get three private clients blah blah blah so then we're you know putting all the pieces in place and then she's like okay and is there anything else and I was like well you know there was this guy that I was coaching years ago he was my first Private Client I was charging him like 50 bucks an hour and I was like I could also call him and see if he wants to work with me again and she's like okay great and we're still on the phone and I checked my email and he has me I have not thought of this matter communicated with him in years email he's like you know are you still coaching can you help me when can we start wow and so she's like okay here's what we're gonna do we're gonna put together a ten thousand dollar package for him and you're gonna sell it to him right now holy cow I know and I was like 10 000. I was charging him 50 bucks an hour I was and I really adore him he's such a special person and I was like felt like you know a greedy Pig blah blah blah all the things fraud complex gigantic imposter syndrome beyond beyond and so we she's like and what we'll do is we'll put together uh fifteen thousand dollar package and a ten so the 10 looks cheap and I was like I can't do 15. she's like all right 12. pain in my ass I did a 12. sent it to him and literally wanted to throw up I was just like if he I because I really cared about this guy he bought the 12. holy cow I know all right I should have been married 15. I know exactly I know well here's the thing now it's not like he would charge you on 12 hours on an hour obviously you created a position packaging of services that would over deliver that would serve him in a big way I worked with him for five years after that exactly yeah yeah yeah so it's not like I'm just going to charge some number and give very little oh no you made sure that the value was there totally how did you learn to package and position your value to be able to charge for what you wanted my coach helped me put it all together but then I had to rise to that frequency and I'll tell you you know when you're charging something that scares out of you you show up with your A Plus game like and he did too like it was a lot for him too we knocked it out of the park because you pay attention to what you pay for yes right yes yeah totally you'll rise the occasion like I gotta Focus yes I gotta show up on time deliver the results on time absolutely give my best hair yep interesting so now here's I'm curious about the next thing was that everything that the story first off I want to make sure I get yeah yeah okay money is currency and currency is energy I'm curious about the next thing um so once this happened and you sold a 12 000 package and you were like this is crazy and this is more money than I've ever made in my life essentially in two days did you fall back at any point or did you stay focused oh interesting um because sometimes oh people get an opportunity and they're excited and then well I tried it again it didn't work so maybe this is a fluke maybe this is a one time and then right the thermometer goes back down and what they're comfortable or familiar with very common very common I did not but only because I continued to get coaching I and I got bigger and bigger and bigger packages I mean I was paying six figures by the end 100 grand for like a year of coaching or wow so I just because I knew myself I was like I am rickety in this whole sort of wealth Consciousness department so I knew that I had it's like getting a personal trainer right so I just kept investing in the coaching and now now I'm good but I do still have to work at it I mean it's different levels it's different levels you know when you feel comfortable at this level but if you want to break through exactly and do something you've never done because you've got to have a different frequency still right exactly you get you know yep oh there's always more growth to be had do you feel like you're kind of at like a block right now because again you've sold you know I don't know five or ten million copies of your books you've got coaching program you got all these core like success Financial Freedom all these different things but is there like a level you've reached that you feel like okay well can I break through this is so much now and I feel you know abundant but could you break through if I want if I could decide what I want the next thing to be yet I'm still in that sort of incubation period of like what would be fun give me energy and that meaning I'm getting there like I definitely feel like I'm getting there and I'm doing a lot of things that meet those requirements in the meantime but it's not the big what's your biggest what's your biggest fear or insecurity around money right now that I don't know what to do with it when I make it like I'm good at making it my bookkeeper called me one day and she's like would you please just open a savings account at your bank because I had like a million dollars in my checking account this was a while ago I finally got back so yeah I've hired financial plan like I've hired people who have grown ups who know what they're doing with money but like I'm teaching myself about it but I find it boring I find investing boring and confusing and out of my league so luckily there are amazing people who know what they're doing so I have finally gotten that team together gotcha um and there is a tiny part of me if I gave it any attention that is a little scared it's all going to go away really yeah but I don't I'm not it's not that bad and I probably should not even speak it out loud right right yeah well you're being you're being awesome about it I think there's one thing about speaking it out loud so it doesn't happen but another thing about saying it so it doesn't have power over you right oh yeah it's like we'll take that version of it like you're afraid to have the conversation around money yeah I'm all a Believer like don't speak into something in this is you don't want to happen but I think you know when I started talking about my fears and my shame and my insecurity it actually felt like the poison was coming out of me and now I could see it outside of me or I could have a conversation with it as opposed to it being in me and afraid to talk about right and then I could get coaching about it right and then I could okay let me create a game plan okay well I'm afraid of it but now I have a coach to help me you know invest it the right way and whatever I need to do yeah you know so yeah as opposed to ignoring it and just I hope I don't lose it but I don't want to speak about it right that's a good point that is a good point okay I'll tell you another one the the other one is that I'm going to make too much of it and I won't and it is it's kind of like the same as the first one but I won't know what to do with it like I'm scared of it coming in too fast and too much because it's going to bury me alive almost yeah I know I know this is why so I bury me alive kind of yes why would a burial why would money bury you alive well this is the interesting thing Jen I think it's powerful you're talking about this because there's different levels of insecurities or fears at the stages of money we make and when I was broke on my sister's couch I had a lot of fear and insecurity and uncertainty of the future and then I remember in one day I made sixty two hundred dollars in an hour doing like a live webinar selling a program this is a 2009 okay I thought it was like courses and webinars all this stuff yeah and I go I'm the richest man in the world with sixty two hundred dollars now I just split that with the person who promoted this this training for me but I still felt like 3 100 in an hour I go I could do this every day for the rest of my life right because I was sleeping on my sister's couch yeah but there was still I never made six fingers and so there was still a challenge like how do I do this and how do I manage it and I understand it and now taxes what all my money's gone from I just made money notes I have zero again and this fear of like this tax thing and then you get to the next level the next level Next Level and I just think there's different challenges or things we get to overcome at every level of money as well sure yes so one of the fears is will the money Bury Me Alive yeah why do you think that is like gosh why do I think that is I think it's my insecurity about not knowing what to do you know when I had when I had very little of it I could manage it right that was easy and then as I started getting more and more and so I do have pieces in place but I've opened I've hired a new Financial team so I can make like build the nest and it will come because I was like if I don't take care of this I will literally block it I will energetically block it if I'm scared of it coming in and think it's going to bury me alive like that is not a abundant mindset you know sure so yeah so I um I just created the nests I know ring it on Universe yeah so now you can you have you have a foundation for it to come in yeah yeah so it's not scary anymore because I know where it's going to go yeah but I realized that I was just like wow I am kind of scared of it coming In Too Much I know it's interesting isn't it yeah I think it's fascinating I think we all get to experience at different levels how to break through otherwise wouldn't it be interesting if it was just I don't know there's no obstacle if I was like okay yeah what do you think are the key things that abundant mindset people around money do differently than scarcity mindset people around money if you had to say three or five kind of key things they appreciate it as you said that that is a biggie they appreciate it and they speak about it as they love it they're not weird about it they're also generous with it because when you pinch yourself off from giving you that is sort of a subconscious way of saying there's not enough to go around and it's not going to be I'm not in the flow so when you don't give generously it's because you're scared that it's not going to come in anymore they take risks you know you got to take risks you are where you are because you've been doing what you've been doing so if you want to change your life you've got to do stuff you've never done um what else well the people they learn about money like you you focus on money like that was such a big thing for me too like when I was broke I I never wanted to think about money right I was all about writing songs and you know doing much you know more noble things sure sure but then but when you're broke all you think about is money like I don't really think about money that much now that I have it like but every single decision you make when you're broke is about I have enough to pay for this exactly what happens if I don't right you wake up in the first thing in the morning in a panic because you got to pay your bills so you're always thinking about money so it is really just sort of getting in the flow with that and just you know being on good terms with it and and focusing on it and and you know how are you going to make it like being realistic about your income streams and you know and if you want to make it you've got to coax it in you know give it yeah I'm curious about this okay you you're a starving artist you wanted to do noble things which about art and making art and all these different things what would have happened if someone said Jen you know what I love that you're an artist I love that you have this you know passion for arts and you want to keep doing this and this is the way you've been for 40 years and we don't want you to change here's a hundred grand a year for the rest of your life don't worry about money up to 100 grand what would that have done to you if someone would have given you 100 a year and you would have just been like okay I'm gonna write and get whatever I want and how do you think it would have been mentally emotionally spiritually versus you having to risk emotionally mentally yeah you're getting to heal let go overcome right challenge yourself into asking for money into becoming something greater than that limiting belief what do you think what do you think could be now probably would have spent it on beer honestly back in those days yeah yeah I mean I wasn't you you're absolutely right it's an it's a frequency you know it's like it's like uh I don't know I mean I always I always had I guess I'm gonna say gall that's not the right word but I did I did do a lot of stuff that was pretty edgy and I pushed the envelope a lot so I may have gotten there but I don't think it would have been as exciting as it was to do it myself you know there really is you do grow and they they say you know starting your own business is the best personal development course because all your stuff comes up right all of it so relationship training is leadership training it's inner child trade everything everything totally so so it wouldn't have been as satisfying I don't think I think I still would have done it though because that is kind of my personality when I'm ready to change I'm ready to change and I do yeah yeah so but I think it wouldn't have been as glorious and I definitely I probably wouldn't have written you our best which totally changed my entire life so it changed yours but also changed other people's lives yes so it's who you become the lessons you learn the wisdom you have yes to them then be able to be of service and teach yeah from your own experience exactly yeah the book about me getting 100 Grand a year just for being would not be that interesting to people all right yeah right that's interesting yeah what has been the biggest lesson in the last 10 years because that was 10 years ago when you wrote you run back right and you've written two or three books since then I believe what has been the biggest lesson three books since then yeah what have been the biggest lesson in 10 years since you were a bad to now personally physically and financially oh man oh let me think okay the biggest lessons since I wrote to you because because when you get more money more impact more celebrity Fame in an industry people change around you some people don't some people do right uh you get to make different choices with your with your health right in positive or negative right um You have more abundance to do bad things or good things yeah and um you get to see how you show up emotionally experience yeah that's such an interesting question you know I definitely feel like um since it came out and has had the success you know that I've gotten better and better it really this sounds cold but like not caring what other people think about me like that is something that I'm really dedicated to right now where it's like the one star reviews and the five star reviews you know it's like believe me I'm so grateful anybody reads the book but the five star reviews are the real Dangerous Ones right where you're just like that's so cool people think I'm funny and smart you know really getting good inside like just being like it doesn't matter as long as I think it's good and I think it's funny and I think it's helpful that's it and so that has been really important to me because it is weird I mean I'm sure you too like people know who you are and it's like it's it's a little uncomfortable sometimes I mean it's great too like I love meeting my readers but it's just like I can't get too wrapped up in their opinion of me because it's about my opinion to me so that's been a really big one not so not letting the opinions of others be the opinions of you about you right yeah interesting is this really coming the high hype and the Lola yeah definitely because you hear a lot about the low lows like don't focus on the criticism but you really got to watch it with the five star stuff too yeah because then because then if it goes away You're Screwed right you're totally screwed I mean that's why so many celebrities wind up in rehab you know especially if you I always think about this too that I'm so glad for me anyway that it started when I was older oh man and I was getting all these accolades I would be such an idiot I know like no way it's oh I'm really great I'm so grateful for all of it my God yeah um and that's personally what about this lesson um financially financially um I guess I I I love giving money away like I didn't I really honestly never thought I was that generous of a person but I am but so I'm very happy to find that out about myself because I didn't really think I was but also that I um I was just making fun of this this morning with a friend of mine that I'm still kind of cheap with myself in ways like I'm not great at like I mean I have a nice house I have a nice car I certainly spend plenty of money on myself but I can just be like I'm not good at being rich like getting room service and like right spending I'm just I'm still kind of you know the Italian immigrant's daughter who sort of pays attention so not that that's bad but it's interesting I I have a little bit of that in me although in the last couple years I've started to learn how to take care of me like with travel and food and convenience and saving time convenience whereas for I don't know the first five years of my business uh when I was making money right it's like not like I didn't have money but I was so afraid to lose it also they're just stacking it every time I travel I would try to find who do I know this this town that I can sleep on their couch yeah isn't it funny because I was like I'm not gonna pay 200 bucks a night for a room what are you talking about like yeah I can use that money and I can put it somewhere else yeah and I was always like how do I just get on the cheapest bus fare right how do I get like a middle back seat on Southwest like how do I get that 39. yeah and just sit there for six hours in the middle and just you know crammed yeah as opposed to you know convenience and and saving time and and having my health optimized and using it to do those things but I was afraid to lose it so it's just work work to make it when I was afraid to lose it for a while yeah and also like the the value like I still and I make myself do but I hate paying for parking I would rather and we're talking like two dollars in a meter like I'm so weird about that I'm like you rather roll on the Block five times to try to find a place waste yes waste my time like it's so stupid but I and I crack up like but but I also this thing where like I'll spend 60 Grand to put solar on my house but I won't spend 15 on a wooden spoon like I'm just kind of funny catching yourself where you're well I think there's a there's a there's a power in being mindful with your money and being I would call it Frugal I guess maybe in certain ways but abundant in other ways yes right it's like be abundant in certain ways but don't just overspend on everything because you have the money yeah I guess I know so mindful of certain things binding you know at whatever level you're at too you know like when you don't have money you also don't want to be pinched off and stingy with it like it really is about this isn't just you know two people with money talking about it it really is about figuring out where you're at and how to stay in that abundance mind set and in the flow and leaving an extra dollar when you tip or whatever you know but just really catching yourself when you're pinching It Off because it doesn't matter how much we're talking about but it's that pinching off if money is currency and currency is energy and you're pinching it off that is not blocking you well for you yeah it was the big lesson about relationships in the last 10 years whether it be yeah brand colleague intimate relations yeah you know that people are still really uncomfortable with money and I I do feel like it's being of service to talk about it freely and openly and joyfully and it totally turns people off all the time and close friends absolutely and but taking a stand and doing it anyway and really like I kind of do have to I have to be a little careful because it can be braggy but again like if I lost 100 pounds and I was telling you about losing 100 pounds people would be happy for you this is the same kind of thing like it's something that really is an achievement that helps me be healthy and happy yes and why shouldn't I talk about it and the fact that you're uncomfortable with it doesn't mean I shouldn't talk about it right and sink down to your level right so that's been interesting I have lost friends over that absolutely wow it's interesting because we'll see you know on social media these physical transformations of people here was me six months ago here's me now yeah and a lot of you'll see a lot of people celebrating that right like congratulations amazing it's the encouragement it's like look what I was able to do and I'm so proud of myself and uh I wish more people would do that around money too look like I was in thirty thousand dollars in debt and look at my bank statement now like I'm debt free and I've got a thousand bucks in the bank oh my God you know whatever it is and I think Dave Ramsey celebrates that for people in his you know kind of community where it's like when they get out of debt he brings them on the radio show they kind of announce it but I don't see this on social media that much because that's a safe space because everybody's listening to his show yeah yeah you do it in the public space you are going down yeah why is that I don't really know I don't know I think about this too like how did that all get started when did it become such a dirty thing it had I'm sure it has to do with some kind of control like some people wanted to control something so all right I'm curious about you know if you're down to go there about Intimate Relationships how has making money impacted you intimately in relationship I am definitely that is my Achilles heel right now so that and it's been a little weird for me because being a very I have stories around being a very successful woman and how that's not so feminine and how yeah there's a lot of stuff on that so I'm that's the that's the new frontier which I'm super psyched about figuring it out yeah what do you feel like is the biggest struggle around that you know is it my own beliefs around it totally come on now I know all this it's all the same thing you know but that's that's a that's a deep one and it's kind of a new one you know because because I haven't been a successful woman for a long time and uh so it's it's interesting wow yeah so is this like you know people just are intimidated by you because you have money or what is that that's what I think because men are supposed to be the providers and supposed to you know yeah be the providers and then be more successful and I don't really even care about that you know but I do care about somebody being at the same level of me spiritually and sort of just you know just with what they're into and stuff like that so that's really important to me interesting yeah because I might be a block for some women like if I make more money will I be in a great intimate relationship I think if I make more than my partner right well the way that it's set up anyway that is sort of it you know that men and you know so I just got to find a guy who's either as as who's who's got really good wealth Consciousness who's as successful who's totally out there but it's it's my own story it's always your own story yeah what would you coach another woman who says the same thing or who's like they've got a you know a successful growing business or maybe they're you know making a million dollars a year in their business or more yeah and they're like man I've been struggling because yeah I haven't found a guy who's comfortable with me making this much they feel like they can't add as much value to the relationship right what would you say to that well of course Lewis I have had that client because the second you have an issue that client shows up I don't know if you fought like every time because I'm doing this group coaching course at uh oh yeah like plenty of people in that group asked me the very questions that's super easy when it's well I mean I know the answer but am I like really going to limit is uh watch your thoughts what are you believing about it what have you decided is true about you about your environment about the way the world works like it's all your thoughts like if you keep harping on it's hard he's not out there I'm to this I'm to that then that is the truth that's what you'll manifest you know to think what you want to think is to think the truth so that's true yeah so it's interesting because my my girlfriend I'll tell you about her a little bit before she's extremely successful in what she does she makes a lot of good money um and I celebrate it I'm like yeah awesome for me it feels great to have someone who's more uh you know energetically aligned or like more of an equal match even though my business does more than her business but she's making a killing right in her own way and I'm excited for her yeah and it doesn't make me feel like I'm not able to provide as much with her making good money also for me it doesn't affect that within me but maybe 10 15 years ago I would have maybe I would have felt insecure or not enough because I hadn't worked on my stuff right so I think it's just finding you know someone who's an alignment who's a good match emotionally spiritually psychologically as well who's done the work and doesn't find it intimidating exactly I find it inspiring I'm like wow and here's the interesting thing for me not to go off on this too much but for me something switched in the last like five to eight years where I had this kind of morbid thought where I said okay if I'm with a partner and I don't feel like she can be resourceful and I die can she take care of my kids financially it was kind of a morbid thought but I was like huh and I struggled in the previous relationships that I was in thinking would they be able to financially figure it out if they didn't they didn't remarry it's a great thing about they didn't find another man to support them financially if they you know their parents didn't fund them right whatever happened if I we had kids I died could they financially be resourceful uh and do things that would make our kids proud of them you know what I mean and so and that's my partner now so it's like she is financially resourceful and and creative enough to generate one if she needed to right but I don't need her to maybe more you know what I mean so yeah yeah anyway something to think about there but um so that's one of your blocks right now one of your your challenges they're not a temporary block yes we're releasing the blog very quickly yes I'm just airing all the laundry here when I leave this room that it's all it all stays here exactly yeah we'll open the window so it goes somewhere else please get a fan yeah what is the what is the question you get asked by your readers the most that you wish they truly could hear and believe the answer to oh so many well the one that I said about what do you do when the people as closest to you don't support you another one is how do you keep the motivation like you know we go to these seminars we read books we listen to the podcasts and we're all raring to go and then a month later you're back in your exactly yeah so so how do you stay motivated yeah on your vision and on your growth Journey well I call it going to the spiritual gym and you've got to have a spiritual gym practice because you do not get to work out physically and then stop going to the gym once you're in shape so just because you got in shape at the seminar or listen to the podcast or whatever you don't get to stop doing stuff so and it does and you know everything I'm going to working so hard to start my business I don't want another thing so it's like it can be 20 minutes you know you're working out for 20 minutes a day can do a lot of great things so it's like spiritual gym workout meditate for 15 read a self-help book for five like what music are you listening to who are you hanging out with what makes you feel like you could flip over a car like what are those things and do them every single solitary day for 20 minutes it's not that big a whoop you do you know when you think about that it's going to change your entire life you know so and take it as seriously as anything else because that work will make everything else that you're taking seriously and trying to achieve so much easier and you know I'm giving a lot of talks right now and the thing that I'm just so excited and I'm so excited to be speaking right now too because it reminds me it's my spiritual gym right like we all need it so but the thing about because we Are Spiritual creatures having a physical experience right and if you and like instead of just giving it lip service and talking yeah yeah I know that but think about it we are the universal intelligence that created everything that is we are our thoughts our Universal intelligence the stuff that created everything that is why are we not more stuck up why are we not feeling so powerful all of the time if we're really going to believe it if we're really going to go steroids on woo-woo and go there and really like if you thought about that all day long about your thoughts being you know when you're in alignment not the garbage thoughts that you think but when you get quiet and you tap into your inner yippy skippy as I like to call it and you're there and you're in the flow it's like it's so exciting right instead of spinning out on how pissed off you are at somebody you're freaking out about this judging people judging people what we do all the time right if you can just catch yourself and that's why awareness is the key to transformation right so you just catch yourself when you're in the spins and and this is why meditation is so important because it gets you into the habit of catching yourself right because you're trying to stay clear so so it's not just about catching yourself in meditation and moving the thoughts away meditation is practice for doing it all day long so catching yourself and be like ah I'm gonna tap back into Universal intelligence the stuff that created all that is so and then just going from there if you could reflect on you are bad which when I read it it gave me like this jolt of energy because I was like this is exactly what I want to talk about consistently you know I had I had the school of greatness I think had come out for maybe I don't know I think I've read your book maybe a year after I started I saw it on the shelves but I ended up getting it maybe a year after I started the show and I was like this is amazing I'm so glad you're talking about this because it's everything that I believed in and everything I wanted to continue to express in my own way if you could reflect on one idea from that book and you could only share one idea you're so mean man all right that you believe is the thesis of the book that you want people to remember and remember a concept A phrase an idea from it what would that be for you well kind of what I just said but since I just said it I'm going to use my point for another remember that's my one thing my one thing I get to say I really believe that if we all did something that scared us every single solitary day our lives would change so quickly we wouldn't know what hit us right let's go Jack and scary in that like tearcitement way like Terror excitement like you don't have to like run into traffic you know but something that's like in the direction of where you want to go that scares you because fear is the sign it's the compass that you're getting outside of the familiarity zone so true right so if you just take those steps outside and just do the scary thing every day every day wow because that's that's really when I was making all of my huge financial Transformations it was always you know my coach had always tell me something I'd be like totally didn't want to do it but I knew if I did it it would transform my life and it was exciting you know it was like leaping into the void just like yeah and that's the sign yeah and this concept and and my latest book The Greatest mindset called creating your fear list if you want to become Fearless you've got to create a fear list that's brilliant and really go all in on this this is something I did as a teenager in my 20s my 30s at different seasons of life I was like what is the thing that makes me feel so insecure right now I had a lot of false confidence you know I was like this jockey ego like I'm big and tough and I'm an athlete and I can dominate on the sports field but then I couldn't talk to girls without being you know sweating and being terrified yeah I couldn't dance or sing in public without being like humiliated or whatever yeah yeah I couldn't speak in public also so all these things I wrote on my fear list in my 20s after I broke my wrist and was on my sister's couch I was like I'm already humiliated I have no money I'm living in my sister's place for a year and a half um you know my dad just went through this thing that I don't have him really in my life anymore uh my my passion my dreams are gone so I have what do I do now let me just conquer all my fears and it was the greatest gift I gave myself because it gave me so much belief and confidence in me every time I would just get a little bit better in my fears it's not like I had to like overcome it all in a day yeah but I just thought you saw a little bit of progress every day and practicing my fears public speaking a little bit every week I was like a little less nervous a little more confident a little more skill every week over a year's time where I was like man I'm a powerful human being I can do anything now let me figure out the next fear and just kept repeating it and and I'm still in that now like I'm I'm trying to learn Spanish and I still get insecure like speaking Spanish I'm still like a beginner but it's like I gotta keep practicing and a little bit of growth every day a little bit better you know I don't be fluent overnight but what am I overcoming just little by little that really gives me a lot more confidence in self and belief and I think my thesis is self-doubt is the killer of dreams right when we doubt self it's really hard to do anything right courageously because we're constantly in doubt mode right so I loved your book about stop doubting yourself and start stepping into your greatness yeah and um and a lot of people are stuck in doubt what do you think Beyond facing fears we can do to believe in ourselves more and overcome the self-doubt that we have better I think not waiting until you're ready you know and this is kind of saying the same thing like facing the fear but like making sure everything's perfect making sure you've got all the money tucked away making sure you're the right weight you know whatever like just doing it now you know just do it now and take action now is is a really big one I think and um and also you know paying attention again to how you speak about yourself and what you think about yourself and what you how you treat yourself and you know I wrote a whole section in bad habits about boundaries you know boundaries are huge when it comes to self-care and self-doubt and we make lousy boundaries and put everybody in front of us because we want to be liked you know and then we're passive aggressive and resentful which is super fun you know so it's like but you know really getting clear on who you are and what you love and making that a priority when did you stop abandoning yourself you know I still do it sometimes of course I mean yeah yeah in what ways do you oh God is it in relationships is it in self-care is it in the way you talk to you you're not speaking you know sort of not standing my ground in the moment if somebody says something really crappy you know and it doesn't have to be I'm not I also don't want to be the personality police like if someone's going to say something but more just not saying anything like instead of like brushing it over because it's awkward just letting it sit there like the big turd it is and letting everybody like have a good look at it instead of helping them recover or you know just like in the in the moment is always interesting to me so slowly so my mantra for the past five years has been like slow down and shut up slow down and shut up like I'm you know just listen and just choose your words wisely and you don't have to react to everything yeah exactly so yeah for sure personality police is no reason yeah it's not your job to teach everybody how to behave let them say what they want let them you know this is all part of my whole like not giving a crap that people think of me it's just like think what you like think what you like it's not like right it's almost it's almost you know in a way and I've done this many times it's not like I'm saying I'm above or anything but when we judge another person because they didn't do it the way we liked it and they think they shouldn't do it it's appropriate in the setting we are being judgmental yeah we are being judgmental we're not accepting I'm not saying that's the right or wrong thing to do but it's just something to notice yeah there's a judgment that's happening Oh yeah and when there's a judgment there's usually a right and wrong yeah and so it's just is that serving Us in the flow of our peace our happiness our abundance and being in harmony with the world and maybe there is a time where we need to step up and create a boundary and say something and say get away from me or whatever it is but but it's really more about it's the inside job thing where it's none of your business you know that's their Journey so that's really you know and I don't think we ever get there I don't think I think it is human you know and it's fun come on sure sure but um but I do think that it's a very worthwhile way to spend your time like working that muscle and just getting because it's also more fun like if you don't if you just leave it to them and let them do it it's it's you're not spinning out on it anymore you're not focusing on it which pulls more of it into your radar anyway like if you can just focus on what feels fun and good and true and just like let them have it back right where would you say on a scale of one to ten let's call it the self-love inner peace scale before you started writing you are about it which I'm assuming was I don't know a year and a half two years before the book came out somewhere around there I wish that I was that kind of writer but before before 10 minutes before it was due right well before the the book before you started writing the book um where were you on that scale of inner peace and self-love 10 being you had you know perfect peace internally lots of love for yourself care of yourself one being you hated yourself and had no peace where were you on that scale gosh you know it really sort of depends on what area of my life we're talking about because the general feeling all areas combined probably around a three or four before and where are you now now give myself an eight or nine okay yeah what do you think shifted because most people that I've asked this question to before they became more successful more wealthy more known they were usually higher and then they dropped oh that's so interesting those people I would say 90 of people have asked this wow and I'm always fascinated and they say the pressure the weight of it all oh God no do I you know is it do I really deserve all this that type of thing you know why do you think it shifted from you from being a three or four to an eight or because of what it's about like for me this whole journey of writing your bats and all the subsequent books is all about loving yourself I might put love yourself at the end of every chapter so it's like so this is all about getting into the flow and connecting with spirit and all that stuff so for me it's been such an education and and so nurturing and the more I teach it the more I talk about it you know it's me going to spiritual gym so it has helped me immensely and I yeah and I also have this interesting sort of perspective on my success and I don't know what this says about me sure that I can't take it in maybe but I really feel like I'm watching all of it through binoculars backwards like it's over there and it's not me somehow so I feel like I gave birth to the book I did it I wrote it did best job I could like I'm very proud of the book but I feel like the book is out there changing lives and that and and also that it's really the people who are reading it they're they're changing their lives I didn't change their lives you know I just gave birth to this thing because plenty of people read it and don't change their lives so you know so I really credit the readers with with changing their lives I definitely helped them but I didn't do it you know they did it seems like you wrote this book for yourself because you read a three or four and then yeah definitely oh absolutely yeah totally well I love that because we've done a lot of different similar like uh you know meditative experiences and emotional intelligence trainings and I went to I think you wrote In the book about I think you went to Hoffman Institute or something like that right yeah did you go to that I went to something similar yeah called MIT here in La which was all about you know it's a multiple week-long experiences of emotional you know exercises screaming your you know these things yeah and um so when you wrote when I was reading your book I go oh wow because I had just gone through this oh my God I know the power of this how how helpful it is to release the emotions yes the old Stories the ordinary the old narratives the old you know beliefs that we have about ourselves there's many different modalities in doing that but I went through a similar one for this year so um I'm curious if you could you know look 10 years in the past with you being 10 years older so you're 10 years older from now but you're looking at binoculars in the past to today okay and you are coaching yourself today 10 years wiser oh I know definitely stop complaining that is one of my biggest goals is just to really stop complaining wouldn't that be a lovely thing what do you complain about I don't even complain that much but I would like to not do it at all I really would like I'm pretty good what um what is complaining do to us when we do it it makes you focus on the negative and pull more of that into your radar and just get you out of gratitude and lowers your frequency and I'm the most Charmed person I know so seriously so you know and you're allowed you're allowed to have temper tantrums and you know you don't have to be all Pollyanna all the time I'm a big believer in pity parties and like freaking out getting mad but you know and you get it out right okay so just making that choice um number two would be oh I think it's about being more proactive about the things I love to do really like and I'm starting this now like I'm planning a river rafting trip I'm playing like aside from spiritual Retreats and all that stuff oh that was the other one was meditating more getting my spiritual practice better so getting more proactive about planning the stuff I love activities Hobbies experiences yeah because I tend to like people friends I love doing stuff but I really am not the best planner and so like this year I'm planning and then one of my top three favorite things is being outside doing some gigantic hike or camping trip or backpacking trip with people I love so being the person who plans those because they don't happen unless I plan them so and they're super fun and I have plenty of people who will get upset sure sure yeah and the third one was the meditation one yeah just really getting I'm I'm really good at meditating and I I do have a good practice but I feel like I could be more consistently in it and just um yeah just up my spiritual game and my spiritual muscle yeah it's you coaching yourself yeah from the future yeah oh and I guess stop thinking that um I can't meet a successful that I'm too successful that would be another interesting yeah yeah I think a lot of women sabotage their financial success they'll attract the man of their dreams I bet they do I bet they do because it's such an ingrained piece of our you know living in a patriarchy as a woman like it's really interesting and it's such an exciting time to be a woman right now I'm so excited I am just because I feel like there's so much stuff that is airing out right about the way that we've been raised and and you know but I even still find myself like I had to hire a plumber and there was a female plumber look at her I'm gonna hire him and I was like oh really Jensen Cheryl like that was my knee jerk because we're raised to think men are more capable wow and that's just deep in me so I can catch it and obviously not do that but but it's so deeply deeply ingrained that I am sure women are not letting themselves be successful because of that and also that it's not ladylike you know that it's not feminine and just all of these things that I don't think we're at all aware of that are now coming to the surface definitely yeah how important is healing our past and our thoughts tied to having peace around making money super important because if you're because if you go out and make a ton and you're still weird about it right you're first of all not going to enjoy it and you'll probably lose it or you'll be you know put it in a hole in the backyard and never spend it or yeah yeah yeah yeah so it is what is the thing that people should focus on healing the most in order to set themselves financially free I think it's different for everybody I think we all are fed different lies and fears and things so I think it's but figuring out what your bag of worms is you know you've got to get clear about that and I'll tell you the way that I discovered the Big Kahuna for me which was my dad like stabbing my dad in the heart like I was talking about earlier was spending money so the way that I so I did I did the letter to money I was doing all I was really serious about figuring out my stuff with money and I was at a coaching seminar and this coach just speaking from the stage and he said that he charged 85 000 a year to work with him and I he was great and I really loved him and I totally wanted to work with him and when I heard 85 000 because I had been doing all this work on my wealth Consciousness instead of being like he's high like what a you know but about in a million it's crazy yeah yeah very rational excuses not to do it instead of going there I went to okay how am I going to get 85 Grand like that's where my mind went first and that's only because I'd been going to the financial spiritual gym for so long that that's where my mindset was so I went how am I going to get 85 000 and I had a vision of my father and a lot of stuff comes to me visually a vision of my dad and he always wore this yellow v-neck sweater and he had his hands in his pockets and he was looking down at the ground really sat and I was like oh my God that's it it's it's going to kill him if I get rich because he won't be able to show me he loves me anymore oh my gosh it was so profound and that really was a straw that broke the camel's back for me I ended up not working with that coach but I got you thinking about yeah it but I ended up hiring a different coach a couple weeks later for the same amount oh wow yeah and so how did you heal that belief around like I'm gonna kill my dad if I make a lot of money because you have conversations with him did you do something internally what it wasn't about him at all it was about me and my perception so what I started doing was visualizing him being so proud of me and supporting me and being happy and like turning it around just being like he's he's going to be so relieved that I can take care of myself because my dad was had me when he was older so it's like he'll he'll feel so rested and the other thing too that was so funny like my relationship with it was pretty was pretty rough and so whenever um when I started getting when I started making money and I would tell him about he didn't really listen very well and I'd be like Dad you know I just got paid this much he's like that's nice Jenny he has an Italian accent that I always try to imitate that I'm terrible at but um at the end of the call he'd be like you know do you need some help financially and I'd be like Dad I just told you that and so I get you know all after the yellow sweater hands and Pockets moment I was like it's the only way he knows how to show love so I can be like Dad I just made 10 million dollars and at the end of the call 20 bucks do you need 20 bucks I'd be like you know that'd be great thank you so much and I could see how much it meant to him and I get 20 bucks and everything's good so it was a really beautiful and it really healed my relationship with him a lot did you say I love you did he speak oh he always said I love you like he was he was good that way but he was a real um he just he was a super introvert and he just was really uncomfortable with emotions yes but she and he's Italian I thought they're all screaming and yelling and I was like are you sure you're Italian sure sure yeah but that was his way of showing affection that he loved you by this act and he also was raised to think men are providers and that's how you show yeah even if you make money I'm still gonna provide and support you yes what do you think would have happened if you would have stopped allowing him to give you you know 10 20 50 bucks because he wanted to give it to you what would have it would have really hurt his feelings like it really would have made him feel cut off for me so this is interesting because you don't need someone to pay for you for things right like you can pay for your own life you can pay for food and dinner and trips in your home like you don't need someone to pay for right the thing that I've learned in the last couple of years of being with my with my girlfriend Martha is that it's it's you know I don't she can take care of her own stuff and she takes care of certain stuff and there's certain things that I take care of for us and I take care of myself financially in certain ways and buy it I've gotten to the point where I don't feel like I need to pay for everything to feel like she like I'm enough right like I'm I'm good enough or that I'm deserving or worthy or this is my value in being able to give everything financially now again and I don't want to rob her of being on a paper the thing is that she's made her money I want her to be able to pay for certain things for herself but it does mean I get to show up in a different way maybe not financially but spiritually with my presence with my generosity of my words and my my time my thoughtfulness and provide value in other ways not tied to money and sometimes that can be uncomfortable if we haven't trained ourselves how to provide value outside of money in relationships and I've had to learn that and it's been a powerful breakthrough in a lot of ways it hasn't been in the last two years it's been like a decade I've been doing this but it allows me not to feel like oh she's paying for her own food right now I'm worthless right you know yeah then I'm I'm nothing to her and you know right yeah yeah yeah and it's been a it's been a it's been powerful to empower her to be able to make decisions financially yeah which she was doing before me she didn't need me to do that right she was already doing that yeah but to me I feel like I have to pay for everything yeah and she just has to like let me provide yeah I know it's interesting it's a it's more of a mutual providing of value in the relationship intimately peacefully like the highest current currency for me is peace yeah I would take peace over money all day long and she brings peace to the relationship therefore I don't need her to ever spend money on anything just be peaceful and I'm you've got a happy man but um and I think that's just something to look at like what how can you bring value into a relationship yeah related to money yeah well listen Lewis I'm cutting you a check after I leave like that you said that right after I was like of course it's my daddy's stuff I mean come on yeah yes no that is something to look at for sure what was the best lesson your dad's taught you you know he uh well I don't know this is such a great lesson but it's a really funny line so I have to say it but I remember when I think he taught me a lot about perspective because he grew up in Italy uh in Naples and um he didn't come over here till he was in his 20s and so I and he just oh he sought American children were so spoiled he was like oh my God you whiny little like I can't believe so I remember like one time like in college I was like Dad will you help pay for therapy I'd really like to talk to her therapist he's like you don't need therapy you know what you need a war fought on your soil oh my gosh okay right good perspective but just sort of his um I mean I think also that you can love in different ways like I feel like that's sort of what he has really taught me you know with the money stuff like that was just his you love however you can and that he really I mean the guy could not look at me without crying like he just but he couldn't express it so it was like it was really like he couldn't and I was so angry at him for so long for not telling you certain things yes and not listening to me the right way and all this stuff and I'm just so he lived into his 90s and I'm so glad he didn't because I feel so good with our relationship was by the time he passed because I put down the bag you know I was like Let It Go Jen like he is doing his best the best that he can and he loves me and how lucky am I that I have a dad who loves me that much so it was really really great so I just feel like he really taught me a lot about it doesn't have to be the way you expect it to be it can be different somebody can love you differently than you would love them and that you expect it and to be grateful that they do yeah yeah that's beautiful I love that yeah I want to ask you about coaching because I've heard coaching a few times as an athlete I know the value of coaching from Sports into business I have a relationship coach you know health coach nutrition coach I have coaching in every area because coaching worked for me as an athlete to get to my goals yeah and accomplish the dreams that I had in sports so when I transitioned from Sports into life the first thing I did is look for mentors and coaches to guide me on my path I don't think I'd be where I am today without having great coaches and guides do you think we should all find a money coach or have some type of coaching within money whether that's a financial advisor or maybe it's reading your book around money or listening to content about money or should we have guides and coaches yes I mean especially if you're not making it like right you need money and you you need it now you know so get a coach like I always talk about Olympic athletes have coaches why do you think you and your scraggly little trying to scrape it together why do you think you don't need one you know that's what got me doing it I was just like who am I kidding I've been trying for 40 years on my own and I couldn't do it right yeah no I think coaching I think coaching because also we all know what it's like like when you're saying you know how would I coach somebody who's going through what I'm going through super easy right when it's not me so that's what a coach also does is like they see they're not in your forest with all your trees like they're looking at it without all your around it you know so they can see it so much more easily and so a good coach can save you so much time and money in the long run yeah do you have a coach right now I don't have a coach right now yeah but I'm still on the sort of incubation maybe I need a coach to help me right yeah no but I'm not scared of hiring them I mean I love right yeah but you're in a season of discovering and reflecting on what you want next yeah you've done so much in the last decade and yeah and now you're figuring okay what where am I at yeah what I want to contribute or how do I want to show up yeah yeah interesting yeah I'll come to you it's fun and I'm still and you know I'm still doing stuff and I I really believe in not sitting around and trying to figure it out because when you're about to do something new you don't know what it is you never done it so you got to go out and do stuff try things try things so I'm out there trying things for sure and I'm you know and I'm still doing all the bad stuff you know we've got a lot of really cool things happening in that Arena so um so that's all super duper fun right that's great but just you know living the dream Jen I got a couple final questions for you okay um what is the thing you're most proud of that most people want to know about you um I would say that I'm a really good friend I have friends I have a lifelong friends from forever and a lot of them and we're just like a family I have I feel like I'm an art collector and I have all these masterpieces of humanity that I just I pick good ones that's okay and I keep them around because they're really important to me yeah it's cool yeah I like that explanation you're an art curator of humanity I like that I'm telling you haven't actually just be called a party to some people but I like that a lot um I asked you this question on our previous interview that was a virtual interview but I'm curious your thought your response to it now okay so we'll have to reflect afterwards on what those answers were before to where they are now this question is called the three truths so imagine a hypothetical scenario okay you get to live as long as you want to live okay this Earth but then one day you turn off the lights in this physical world okay and you get to create and Achieve and accomplish all the things you want to do but for whatever reason all of your written audio and video material has to go with you okay from all your books in this interview and everything is gone hypothetical scenario okay but you get to leave behind three truths three lessons you would share with the world and this is all we have okay left of your your words what would be those three truths for you um well let's see three truths would be the most important thing to develop if you want to really live an awesome life is your mindset really develop your mindset and pay attention to it um do the scary thing definitely do the scary thing every single day and have as much fun as you can like what else are we here for yeah that's beautiful you have again 10-year anniversary of you are about uh you've got other amazing books as well you're about to making money um you're about us every day that's habits so many amazing books number one New York Time Best Seller you've got an amazing course I believe as well coaching course a group coaching course at Jen cincero.com s-i-n-c-e-r-o.com where they can get that information what do they get in this course in this coaching well I'm doing it live now which I haven't done in eight years and it's so much fun I missed coaching I really missed talking to other people and it's I've been selling it as a DIY course for a while but now I'm back in it so basically you get um it's eight weeks long you get and we and what I love about this course is I wrote it right after I finished writing your about it so I put in a lot of like time management and sort of like you know brass taxi kind of thing and every other week is a spiritual element so you start applying the spiritual to the tactile so because I really feel like you know we talk about all this stuff but unless you're actually doing it while you're taking action who cares so people it's been so much fun so basically you get a video at the beginning of the week you get a PDF with the video and then every other week you get a 90-minute coaching group coaching call with me oh that's cool it's recorded So if you can't be there it's fine um and then or a guided meditation or a guided motivational that's beautiful yeah it's really fun and a Facebook group where you can hang out with the other people in the course everyone can use more more coaching from you yeah thank you this Saturday I love it um you're also on social media everywhere Jen sanchero everywhere on Twitter Instagram Facebook what's the main platform you hang out tonight I like Instagram the best yeah okay make sure to follow you there so if you enjoyed this make sure to follow share a story leave a message about your biggest takeaway from this episode on social media and also in the comments below over on YouTube um I want to acknowledge you Jen for your journey you being an example of what's possible for people someone you know your whole life until you're 40. really being stuck in a mindset and and Having the courage to break through through taking action on your fears consistently through investing in yourself through investing in coaching through being willing to risk feeling vulnerable feeling overwhelmed feeling embarrassed feeling like a failure at times and doing it consistently over the last I guess 15 plus years now so I really really acknowledge it for you being a channel to share this work with the world and impacting so many people along the way it's been a beautiful journey to watch I'm a fan of you your work your books it resonates so much with me so I acknowledge it for the gift that you are to humanity as well it's beautiful thank you so much it's so nice to meet you in person you're like the easiest totally Kendra you are like you're just like it's there all day yeah um my final question is what's your definition of greatness allowing yourself to be do and have everything that lights up your little heart people are like money can't buy happiness [Music] you can certainly be unhappy with money certainly but it's so much easier money is just gives you options and freedom I love options and freedom options and freedom make me happy yeah you still you still have to heal your past you still have absolutely learn how to manage

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 320,272

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation

Id: 2FV7YCDfp5A

Length: 91min 6sec (5466 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 30 2023