If you started investigating a local bear
poacher and got attacked by a mythical troll, what would you do? In this How to Beat video, we’ll follow
the journalism students, see if we can make better decisions, and ultimately attempt to
beat the Trolls in, Trollhunter. Think you can do better, let us know in the
comments! E njoy these How to Beat videos, like and subscribe! Have a movie you’d like me to cover, reply
to this comment! Let’s get to it. We start out following the found footage of
a group of bored-ass student reporters investigating a bear poacher in Norway. Remind me to never travel through the Norwegion
mountains. There’s Nazi Zombies, evil Norse gods like
Moder, and now Trolls. The students get some comments from the local
bear hunters, who are also hunting the bear poacher because the poacher is illegally hunting
the bear they wanted to hunt. The hunters point the students in the direction
of where he might be. They arrive at the suspected campgrounds and
ask around. One of the snoops says that every night the
stranger poacher hunter leaves, and doesn’t come back before sunrise. This is odd, usually you’d hunt bears during
the day when they are out looking for food. Just before sundown the assumed poacher shows
up in his shredded Land Rover. I don’t think a bear would or could do that. Hard to say what could. He’s not the friendly type, and tells them
to get lost. Probably a good idea. This bear poacher story sucks ass anyways. The amateur investigative reporters don’t
have any other real stories to cover, so they trail the pissed off bear poacher into the
woods at night by themselves. Probably a bad idea, is this shitty story
really worth getting buried in the woods over? No, the answer is no. And they lost him. Great. Some of the other students hung back so they
could sleuth around his camper. There’s furry shit on the ceiling and a
shotgun. Nothing too weird for a hunter. I will say, knowing that this guy is a Troll
hunter who wants to keep his profession on the down low, maybe he should have pulled
the window curtains. The next morning the students hear reports
of another bear killed by a poacher and go in to investigate. The local hunters say this was the poacher’s
doing. Another lead on the riveting front-page story
they’re building. Armed with this evidence, they confront Hansel
about his shady deeds. Surely this will elicit an informative response. These students are too young and dumb to take
the hint, and trail him into the dark forest again. This is how people go missing. If I was the hunter, I’d just leave a tire
puncher on the road behind me to pop their tires and shake them off my tail. Hunting trolls is serious business, and these
kids are liable to get you or themselves killed. They lost him again. With a lucky guess they take the left road
which leads them to a gate with a no trespassing, blasting area sign. Normal people would say, damn, guess we need
to turn back. Not these kids, they take it as a good sign. Turns out, it was. His truck is parked further up the dirt road. He must be out hunting. A totally viable option is to hang out here
and wait for him to come back with any bear accoutrements. Thomas and his camera crew choose to boldly,
and loudly, stumble through the forest at night in hopes that they’ll catch who they
think is a bear poacher illegally killing his prey so they can be the small town heroes
who made the citizen arrest. God this is such a dumb idea. Did they ever stop to think about the danger
of confronting a sketchy man who is potentially doing something that could land him in prison
for a year? He’s not even the only danger. The predator he’s hunting could easily kill
them as well. Hell, the poacher could just accidentally
shoot them. The hunter rallies them all to his Land Rover
to escape whatever was back there. For all they know, it could have been a bear. I thought he’d mow them down or leave them. He’s actually a good guy and leads them
out, patches up Thomas’s bite wound, and gives them a ride to the scrap metal that
used to be their car. Not only is it completely shredded, but it
has weird slime all over it. Definitely wasn’t a bear. Thomas starts pressing the hunter about what
was out there and why he yelled, Troll. Hans could shoot straight with them, or toe
the Norwegion Wildlife Board line and continue the lie about it being a giant bear, and that
he only yelled Troll as a metaphor. Thomas and his amateur film crew won’t stop
trailing him until they figure out what’s going on, especially now. They could have been in that car. Hans is weighing the human cost of keeping
the lie, and the troll cost of letting word get out. Frankly, it’s only a matter of time before
someone captures the trolls on film or they roam into town. I say Hans tells these kids to fuck off since
they’re just liabilities and GoPros everything himself. Once the public is aware, round the trolls
up and create the Norse Mythological equivalent of Jurassic Park. Just don’t fuck the security up like they
habitually do. Hans agrees to let them join his expedition
and film the trolls he’s hunting as long as none of them are Christian or believe in
God. They all say they aren’t, and why wouldn’t
they. They have no idea why they can’t be Christian
or the danger it poses, because Hans doesn’t feel compelled to clarify why this is a prerequisite. That Trolls can sniff out the blood of Christians. Before anyone goes out on another hunting
trip at night, they need to spend at least a day getting trained up. Troll 101, troll types, characteristics, dangers,
how to survive, strategies, tactics, equipment, contingency plans. 1 day won’t set Hans back much, and it will
be crucial for them not getting Hans or themselves killed. Thomas also needs to get that bite wound checked
out at a hospital. Of course, they don’t do this. Thomas and his crew just jump into his Land
Rover and head out into the desolate wilderness without any weapons or intel. Tommy complains about sitting on something,
and pulls out a land mine. It’s okay though, Hans says it wasn’t
armed.. This is the start of the greatest troll hunter
movie ever. When they get to the insertion point Hans
instructs them to remove their body odor by bathing in the stream and rubbing his secret
troll stench recipe all over their bodies. Still firing from the hip as they go. If Trolls have an excellent sense of smell,
there are numerous preparations that most likely need to be executed prior to coming
out here. The clothing they wear, how it’s washed,
their personal hygiene procedures, what they eat, if any of them are chewing gum, scent
control products, procedures for their urination and defecation when on the hunt, etc. I’m guessing Trolls have eyes too, so it
also might be a good idea to take off your yellow and red jacket so they don’t also
see you from a mile away, Ronald Mcdonald. Hans grabs his UV flash gun from his truck. Based on his weapon of choice, I'm assuming
sunlight deters or kills them. I don’t know though, because the expert
won’t take a minute to tell me. The students still don’t believe Hans’s
Troll stories. They joke about how this is all fairy tail
nonsense and Han’s big flashlight will turn the trolls into stone. Hans plainly responds that depending on how
old they are, some just explode. He then calls in to his Troll veterinarian
to let them know he’s hunting a sick Ringlefinch whose marking its territory by pissing everywhere. The vet wants a blood sample but Hans says
he doesn’t have the right equipment. He hangs up and tells his film crew to wait
while he chases the troll out. The balls on this dude. It might be nice to know which way the troll
will be running, where to go if shit goes south, and what to do if Hans becomes troll
food. It’d also be nice to have some radio’s
in case they get separated. After Hans disappears into the treeline, Johanna
says that she feels sorry for the man for believing in trolls. You dumb bitch. Have you been on instagram the entire time
that Thomas was attacked, your car mangled, the weird substance he had that smelled and
looked like nothing you know, or the slime. Not to mention the irony of you saying that
while following him out here into the middle of nowhere to hunt the thing you don’t believe
in. You know when you hear and see trees getting
shoved around like a man in a cornfield, you’re in deep shit. They need to get down, shut up, and stop standing
around verbally flailing like deer in headlights. That thing is huge. Hans needs to ditch that flashlight pole for
a bazooka. Maybe having an agreed upon exit strategy
laid out in the beginning would have been a good idea, so you didn’t all just have
to run in some direction while in full panic at night in the woods. It’s easy to get turned down in that situation. If they had brought compasses, and knew what
direction they needed to run in, their retreat would be a lot more orderly. I’m always impressed at people’s ability
to hold onto all their camera gear when shit hits the fan. Those would be the first things I’d drop. Well, not the camera, that’s holding important
footage. But the sound boom and stuff. Forget it. Everyone gets separated and lost. Can’t exactly call out to your friends unless
you want to get ground up in a troll’s back molars. You know what would be nice, those little
cricket clickers the allied paratroopers used in world war 2. It sounds like wildlife noise unless you know
your friends have them. Thomas links up with Kalle, and then Hans
finds them and gestures that they are right under the troll’s ass. The woodland trolls have excellent camo. Almost like Moder from The Ritual. They are lucky Hans found them and knew which
direction his truck was in. The trees don’t slow it down at all and
Hans’ light bulb gun is ineffective. There’s no fighting or hiding, they need
to sprint to the rover and get the hell out of there. Oh. He wasn’t kidding. UV does turn trolls into stone, if you have
a powerful vehicle mounted spotlight. His flashgun isn’t that reliable. If I was on the Troll Security Service, I'd
be bringing thermal and night vision goggles. I mean, the students had a night vision video
camera for fucks sake, and you, a professional troll hunter, are wandering dark forests at
night with your naked eyes looking for well camouflaged woodland trolls. I’d also bring a partner for backup, an
amped up version of the flash gun since it’s current power level is clearly insufficient,
and a backup .600 nitro express double barrel elephant gun in case the batteries were having
trouble in the cold. I’d also put far more effort into concealing
my body odor, briefing my team, and giving them UV flashlights they could use to defend
themselves if they got separated from Hans or he was killed. Something like Kyle Crane had in Dying Light. Hans radios in the kill and Finn from the
wildlife board shows up with a dead bear to cover up the cattle killings in the area,
plant some fake bear tracks, and have Han’s put the finishing touches on. Finn is pretty pissed that Hans let the students
in on their secret. I’m guessing Hans hasn't filmed the trolls
himself and gathered evidence of their existence, but he should have. His government employer is willing to let
innocent people die and cover up their deaths. It’d be wise to keep the troll information
on a dead man's trigger in the event that the government wants to tie up loose ends
and make him go missing as well. They shouldn’t even be keeping all the film
on their person in the first place with how close they are to getting killed on a daily
basis. Hans finally briefs them on the situation. He’s hired to hunt the trolls that come
out of their designated territories and threaten livestock or people. He tells them that there are different types,
subgroups, and variations of trolls, but they all are unintelligent predator animals. Still, he doesn’t provide any useful tactical
information. Hans then gives them the tiny home tour of
his camper. The furry shit he had on his ceiling is a
troll tail which he uses to maintain the troll stench so he can approach them with them noticing. Why not use a troll hide to make a hat, jacket,
pants, boots, or cape? Then you wouldn’t have to muck up your stove
with troll goo. Onto the living quarters. His bed is lit up with UV lights, which are
on 24/7, even while he sleeps, because he’s afraid of the dark. That’s insanely unhealthy, and if anything,
a lit up camper would attract the trolls. If you truly lived in immense fear of a troll
stomping out your camper while you slept, it’d make more sense to have uv lights on
the outside like Will Smith in I Am Legend. At his dining table he’s got a map and the
local newspapers which he uses to find any suspicious events like dead livestock, smashed
bridges, ripping out trees, etc. Anything that’s a potential lead for the
troll’s he’s hunting. It’s honestly not surprising that nobody
thought to implement satellite tracking. Hans and the TSS could track all the trolls
with a computer, and know exactly where the strays are. The gestation for trolls is 15 years, so it’s
not like they’re trying to track rabbits. Hans concludes the tour and the team heads
out to find the sick Ringlefinch they were hunting before the Tusseladd almost made a
meal out of them. Since they aren’t satellite tracking the
trolls, Hans has to drive around aimlessly, climb up trees to find deformations in the
forest, use crude sketches of valleys to see if anything large has moved, and check if
his tire and charcoal traps were tripped by the roaming troll. It’s incredibly inefficient. This is the Ringlefinch the troll vet wanted
a blood sample from. Hans ropes some sheep up as bait and dons
his medieval armor. Don’t tell me his grand plan is to poke
it in the ass when it’s chomping on the sheep. I get that he can’t use the flash gun because
turning the troll into stone kind of ruins the whole blood sample thing, but you could
use that landmine you left on your passenger chair which Thomas accidentally sat on. The troll doesn’t need to be alive or in
one piece to get some blood. That or hit it with the elephant gun. Since this is a state-sponsored hunting trip
and trolls are serious big-game, I don’t even think it’d be crazy to requisition
some military surplus anti-tank weaponry like an M72 LAW Rocket-propelled grenade launcher
or Carl Gustav recoilless rifle. A center mass shot from one of these bad-boys
is going to be game over for the troll. I don’t even want to get started on how
useless his armor is. Did we forget what happened to Thomas’s
car. At this point, he’s on a suicide mission. The camera crew gets into position and rolls
tape. Could everyone shut the fuck up and stop moving
when the troll is near the kill-zone please. Yep, Han’s plan really was to walk up and
give the Raglefant a colonoscopy while it’s eating. Gee, who could have seen that coming. Worst strategy ever. He should’ve just poured the Christian blood
on the old french landmine and kicked back. Wow, the armor actually worked. This was sheer luck though. If the troll had put any more effort into
chewing or decided to tenderize Hans’ meat, the armor would only succeed in being a ground
meat container. Rocky wants to go another round. This time, he’s bringing the flash gun. It wasn’t clean, but they got the blood
sample. Hans brings it to the troll vet, who I hope
is a troll professional operating under the cover of a small animal clinic and isn’t
doing this as a side hobby. In her unauthorized interview she says that
trolls can’t convert vitamin-d from sunlight into calcium, so when they are exposed to
sunlight, their bodies overreact. Their stomachs expand, gas is forced into
their intestines and veins, then they pop like an egg in a microwave. The older ones turn into stone because their
veins are too constricted so the expansion occurs in their bones. In seconds, everything calcifies. She says that she’s working on a lethal
injection as a more humane way to put them down because stoning or exploding is quite
painful for them. Uh, pretty sure lethal injections cause severe
pain, take minutes to kill, and fail quite often. The flash gun or a high explosive RPG round
to the chest is honestly pretty humane. More reports come in about trolls leaving
their reservations. Hans remarks that usually they don’t leave,
and something may be chasing them off en masse. If that’s the case, you’re definitely
going to need a bigger gun. With how many trolls are wandering around
populated areas, it’s a surprise that the locals don’t know about them yet. It’s only a matter of time before one strolls
into town and engorges in an all you can eat buffet. It’s high time the government makes a Norwegion
troll version of Jurassic Park. I know. I know. Jurassic Park always ends badly, but as long
as they hire a competent security advisor, sat-track the trolls, implement redundant
lines of defense, and station a couple Leopard 2A4 tanks outfitted with coax UV spotlights
nearby they should be good to go. Based on the deforestation, Hans thinks it
was a few trolls running North. Do Hans and company do any prep-work or up-gun
themselves at all. Of course not. Hans walks into the forest at night without
any weapons at the ready. If three trolls stampede out of that treeline
you won’t have time to fumble getting that flash gun out of your ass before you become
part of Earth’s crust. Hans didn’t even go down to the electronics
store and pick up a video camera that had a night vision mode after seeing the kids
put it to good use. I think it’s safe to say we’re using the
term professional very loosely. The students need to get closer to Hans. Sadly, he’s the only person that could potentially
protect them, and he can’t do that if they’re 50 yards away. Hans tracks the troll footprints to an abandoned
mine. He wants to go in and search it, but his crew
is justifiably concerned. Hans confidently says, don’t worry, there’s
no trolls inside. One. How would you know? Two. What if they come back while you’re inside? Three. If this is a search and destroy mission, there’s
no reason to go inside an empty mine cave. Just trap the entrance or ambush them at sun
up when they come back to sleep. You have access to explosives too, I'm sure
you could get your hands on enough TNT to collapse the mine entrance and entomb the
Trolls. So you didn’t know if the trolls were home. I’m getting those vibes that the guy who
you think knows his shit, doesn’t know as much as he lets on or would like you to think. Hans says a whole pack of trolls lives here. Yah, I figured that out without going into
the cave at night. What are we doing in here again? The flash gun won’t have enough juice to
stone them all. Better find a small tunnel to cozy into until
daybreak when you can make a break for it. Just their luck. One of the trolls lays down right infront
of their exit. The trolls don’t seem to have sniffed them
out yet. Maybe they are too tired. Kalle isn’t taking any chances. Dude’s going hard on the troll stench. With how antsy Thomas, Johanna, and Kalle
are, there’s no way they are surviving until morning. It’s also a giant risk that a troll wakes
up and smells their ever increasing stench of human body odor. They need to wait a little longer until the
sun rises before they make their escape. They might be able to tiptoe out without the
trolls noticing, but it’s too risky. If one of these morons accidentally bounces
the boom mic off one of the troll's noses, even if they escape the mine, they will get
run down in the dark forest. Kalle is only leaving them with two options. They can either put him down, or run. Nobody has the stomach for the first option,
so they break for it. The trolls wake up from all the commotion
and start chasing them. Hans' flash gun barely has enough power to
keep the trolls off their asses. If anyone stumbles or falls behind, they’re
dead. I feel obligated to say, “Where is your
god now”? It’s a good thing the sun was up or they’d
all have been troll food. Kalle should have known that being Christian
was going to get him or everyone else killed. That was a dick move. He knew the danger. Hans knows that if he doesn’t figure out
why trolls keep roaming into populated areas, Kalle’s death is just the beginning. When they get back to their camper they find
Finn rifling through it looking for their films. They’re going to need to watch their backs
and start distributing the films to secure locations which will be released if they aren’t
heard from in 24 hours. It’s clear that the government is willing
to sacrifice some human life to keep their secret. Thomas calls up his friend to fill the open
camera position because he can’t hold the camera himself and it’s totally worth risking
some random person’s life so he doesn’t have to. When she arrives, Thomas asks her if she is
Christian or believes in God. Bro, why didn’t you ask her before she showed
up. Hans says he doesn’t know if her being Muslim
is will be a problem, so fuck it. Let’s do it live. They are potentially going to be up against
either multiple Trolls, or the infamous Jotnar. A giant 200 foot tall troll that only Hans
has seen. Hans preps his Land Rover with a spiked roll
cage and a UV spotlight turret on the roof. The cage looks cool, but I doubt it’s effectiveness
against a pack of trolls that mangled Thomas’s car like it was nothing. If they need the cage, they’re dead anyways. They would be better off lightening the car
so they can evade the trolls if shit hits the fan. The UV mounted spotlight is a solid addition,
but given the threat they’re facing, I’d try to requisition a chopper with a UV mounted
searchlight. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be on the
ground facing off with a Jotnar. The TSS’s budget is unreasonably tight,
so the Rover will have to suffice. Hans drives them to where the Jotnar is kept,
inside a region surrounded by power lines which are serving as a giant electrical fence. That is, until the Jotnar walked through it
or ducked under it. In order to find out which direction the Jotnar
is headed, they pop by the power station to see which section of powerline was knocked
out recently. For some inexplicable reason, the powerstation
manager fields questions from the poverty troll hunting version of Blade. Hans wasn’t even given a non-TSS government
badge or anything. Thomas, knowing the real reason but being
a cheeky punk, asks the manager why the power lines run in a circle in a desolate region. The manager honestly has no clue. Hey, as long as you get your paycheck and
don’t ask too many questions, right? I know Hans and Finn are at odds right now,
but you’d think with a Jotnar on the loose Finn could procure some military hardware
for Hans. What’s a couple rocket launchers when you
had installed miles of power lines to fence this thing in and keep it from massacring
entire cities. Hans and his film crew arrive at a remote
TSS cabin where they’ll hang out until night when the hunt begins. Thomas gets light-headed and almost collapses
just as they hear the Jotnar heading towards them in the distance. Yah, you should have gotten that disgusting
pus filled bite wound checked out a long time ago. You know you were bit by a troll, you know
they’re disgusting creatures. Getting checked out at the hospital was a
no brainer. Now you’re succumbing to it at the worst
time possible. Hilde from the small animal clinic rings Hans
and tells him that the troll had rabies in it’s blood. Hans speculates that this was what was causing
the Jotnar and other trolls to behave erratically and aggressively. That’s really bad news for Thomas. Once a person begins showing signs and symptoms
of rabies, the disease nearly always causes death. Hans unveils his roof-mounted UV spotlight
turret. Alright, that’s pretty badass. Hans is like the Norwegion troll hunting version
of Burt Gummer from Tremors. I only see one problem with it. Who’s going to drive while you shoot? Because there’s no way you can assume this
will reliably kill the Jotnar. Definitely not one of the dipshit students. See, this is where having a partner comes
in handy. He drives head-on at the giant troll without
telling his camera crew, so they run after him yelling thinking he’s leaving them. As expected, they didn’t use the precious
time before nightfall to strategize together. Now everyone is getting caught off guard by
each other's actions. Unbeknownst to his crew, Hans was trying to
lure the giant away from them and 1v1 it. If you didn’t want the crew to come with
you, you should have said that earlier. Now they are running around like chickens
with their heads cut off, and left the lights on in the cabin. If the Jotnar didn’t see them before, it
does now. Hans continues to try to lure the giant away
from the students with some gospel music so he can safely fight it in the open. Apparently none of the kids got the message,
because they’re still running around and screaming like jackasses. Despite them, Hans gets his dance. The searchlight doesn’t have the power to
stop it. While it’s stunned he jumps back behind
the wheel to get the hell out of there before he turns into red gum at the bottom of it’s
foot. This is exactly why I said he needs to have
someone drive while he shoots. Hans swoops back to pick up his camera crew
and reloads his spotlight with another set of batteries. He hops back in and guns it with the beast
right on their asses. It’s closing in on them even with the Rover
at full speed. What’d I say about removing the spike cage
to lighten the vehicle so it could go faster. That puny cage won’t do shit to stop this
thing. Some moron runs out in front of their car
to catch a ride out of the giants path. Dude, why would you want to get into the vehicle
that’s about to get stomped on by the Jotnar. Just let it pass and lure the giant away from
you, then get out of dodge. Now they have to slow down for him or he’ll
become food. Driving away isn’t an option anymore. Hans mans the turret to buy them some time. Here’s a bright idea. How about one of you idiots starts driving
this Rover out of here while Hans shoots. The UV spotlight stuns the Jotnar again, forcing
it to run away. Hans isn’t going to let this guy go. He tries to drive out in front of it, because
tactically that makes complete sense. If I was someone in the camera crew i’d
pop the door and roll out of this suicide mission. Lucky for them, the Jotnar doesn't stay to
finish them off. Looks like it hurt it’s hand. Hans rucks up and hikes toward it while it’s
licking its wounds. He better have something bigger than the flash
gun from earlier. Why didn’t you fire that up it’s gooch
while you were driving behind and underneath it. Driving infront of it was just dumb. Also, it’s kind of a shame he stoned it. That’s a lot of good meat wasted. If he just used conventional firepower, they
could have harvested it’s remains. Guess selling troll meat on the market would
blow the whole secret though. Finn and his government goons arrive to tie
up the loose ends. Thomas grabs the camera and everyone runs,
but only Thomas successfully escapes their grasp. What we watched was the footage that was leaked
out by Thomas before he died from his Rabies infection. Hans and the rest of the film crew were never
heard from again. Safe to say they’re buried somewhere out
there by the deceased Jotnar. Despite this footage being discovered, the
government still somehow managed to keep a lid on the existence of trolls in Norway. I don’t see that being possible since the
roaming trolls are still a problem and the found footage contains enough evidence to
blow this thing wide open. Let’s recap the pivotal points where different
decisions could have altered who lived and died. If Hans had a partner, reasonable access to
decent weaponry, or decided to film and gather evidence of the troll's existence himself
which he could discretely release to the public later, himself, Kalle, Thomas, Johanna, and
Malica wouldn’t have been killed by trolls or government henchmen. I mean, they had GoPro’s in 2010. The film crew was unnecessary. I’d actually say footage isn’t worth anything
because people will just say it’s fake. Hans’s information about troll locations
is infinitely more valuable. All said and done, I think we could have beaten
the trolls and shady government from Trollhunter. Thanks for watching, and remember, if you’re
going to hunt trolls, bigfoot, the loch ness, or whatever monster, you need to prepare for
the unlikely event that you do run into it.
