If the entire planet was going to
be consumed by nuclear war unless you sacrificed three random strangers over the
course of three days, what would you do?
Don’t let the hook fool you. We’re not stopping
the people responsible for pushing the button or anything like that. We just need to waste three
complete randos so that the guy from Boney M can tell his buddy’s in the underworld to call off the
apocalypse, and while that might sound completely insane, believe me when I tell you this is 100%
legit. Problem is our protagonist isn’t exactly Richard Kuklinski, and just to make matters
worse, the rules to this ordeal aren’t quite as straightforward as they might seem.
I’m going to break down the mistakes made, what you should do, and how to beat
THE DEVIL’S DARE in DEMON 79.
Nida has had enough. For years she’s let pretty
much everyone in her life walk all over here, and while on the outside she seems
to be taking it all in stride, on the inside she’s just about ready to snap.
Little does she realize, however, all this pent-up aggression makes her the perfect candidate for
demonic corruption, and wouldn’t you know it, that’s gonna be a thing today.
It all starts when Nida’s spineless manager sends her down to the basement where
the aroma of her biryani lunch can’t offend her overbearing coworker. Once downstairs, she
finds herself overcome by curiosity at the sight of an antique desk full of random crap, and
the ensuing snoop session ultimately results in her cutting herself and bleeding all over some
weird domino adorned with a strange symbol.
Now, of course, there’s nothing about this thing
that suggests it’s actually some kind of spiritual vessel containing an omniscient being from
beyond our plain of existence, but I still find it a little strange Nida chose to take it home
with her. Either way, it’s a good thing she did, because otherwise she wouldn’t have a chance
to save mankind from the fiery end she just unwittingly set into motion.
And here to help her with that is her very own demon.
Yeah, get a grip.
And just to add to the whole “maybe she’s
crazy motif” they’re going with here, the unholy abomination decides to slip into
something more comfortable by scanning her mind for an ideal human form, which just so
happens to be Bobby Farrell from the Boney M performance she was watching on TV.
Obviously, from an outsider’s perspective, this doesn’t exactly paint Nida’s mental state
in the best light, and it certainly doesn’t help that she supposedly has a family history of mental
illness coming from her mother’s side, but for the purpose of this video, we’re going to completely
disregard the possibility she’s gone completely insane and treat everything we’re seeing here
as though it’s really happening, mainly because dropping bodies to satisfy the curse of an
evil domino is far more interesting.
Anyway, our new friend Gaap wastes little
time getting straight to the point. We’ve got three days to take three human lives or else it's
Armageddon, and just to make sure Nida understands what the stakes are, he uses his special demon
powers to beam a sneak peak of all the mayhem straight into her brain.
Eh, I’ve seen worse.
Still, even if Gaap really is an actual demon, how
can we be sure he’s not just trying to manipulate us into doing his dirty work. I mean, demons
aren’t exactly known for their trustworthiness, and for all we know he cooked up that whole fire
and brimstone routine just to screw with us.
I guess, barring any way of independently
verifying what he’s telling us, it really just comes down to a matter of personal preference.
Would you rather be wrong and a murderer, or wrong and having condemned all of humanity to
an agonizing death. In that case, I know which one I’m picking, so we’d better get cracking.
Nida, on the other hand, needs some time to think this through, and decides to go out for some
fresh air. In so doing, however, she lucks away into finding the perfect candidate for mark
number one. It’s dark, there’s no one else around, and here he is walking his little dog all by
himself, and these are just the things we can readily observe. According to Gaap’s mind link
powers, the unassuming man is a regular piece of human garbage. I can’t go too much into detail,
but suffice it to say he’s what our friends across the pond would call a “right sweaty nonce.”
What’s more, it looks like the dog walker can neither see nor hear Gaap standing right beside
her, and whether it’s out of a genuine concern for her well-being, or a predatory urge
to exploit her perceived vulnerability, the man slowly walks within smacking distance
despite clearly seeing that she’s holding a brick, and you know what that means.
Maybe don’t walk up to people talking to themselves in the middle of the night.
Well, that’s one down, and just to help show us we’re on the right track, the marking on the
talisman changes from three prongs down to two, so we must be doing something right,
right? We’ll find out later.
For now, Nida really seems to be taking her
first kill hard for some reason, so much so she nearly picks up the phone to turn herself in.
Fortunately, her guardian angel’s around to talk some sense into her before she can commit.
After all, she’s already a killer no matter what at this point, so why not at least go for two
more in case this all turns out to be legit.
Furthermore, the addition of Gaap’s clairvoyance
presents us with a truly unique opportunity here. We can effectively become pre-crime vigilantes
and take real scum off the street before they have a chance to victimize anyone else. All we
have to do is head into an area known for more criminal behavior and drive around until we find
a suitable target we can potentially take down. And yes, I understand that with the aid of our
supernatural sidekick we have the power to sniff out evil wherever it hides, but the purpose of
the change in scenery is two-fold in addition to providing a more target rich environment.
Number 1, if we carry out a slaying in an area more commonly known for that sort of thing,
it won’t draw quite as much attention from the public and law enforcement will likely
go after the usual suspects. Number 2, you don’t sh*t where you eat. It’s bad enough Nida
killed the first guy basically right outside her apartment. If all of a sudden even more bodies
start piling in this neighborhood, the cops are going to start asking some serious questions
about the people who live around here. Fact is, even if what we’re doing really does postpone
the end of days, nobody in their right mind is ever going to believe that, so we’re gonna have
to make sure nothing we do leads back to us, at least not until we rack up all three.
The good news is that it’s 1979, so we don’t have to worry about CCTV on every corner, doorbell,
and convenience store putting us at the scene of the crime. This pretty much means that without
a direct connection to our victims or eye-witness testimony tying us to the killing, investigators
will have pretty much nothing to go off.
The bad news is that we’re in the UK, and
even in 1979 our weapon selection is limited to say the least.
Yeah, not quite.
The last thing we want to do is get up close
and personal with our marks where they can potentially fight back or even disarm us. I mean,
let’s face it. Nida’s not exactly built to be a hammer killer, and if her first target was any
indication, she’s mostly going to be taking on men much larger than her. In that case, we don’t just
need an equalizer, we need an advantage, but even obtaining a shotgun certificate could take as long
as several weeks depending on the local PD.
Now, ordinarily, the wait wouldn’t be a problem
unless we urgently needed to defend ourselves, but because of the ticking clock
dynamic established by the domino, we’ll just have to resort to making our own. How
hard could it be, right? Black powder can be made with basic household materials. Then all you need
is some steel tubing and ball bearings and
…or else you’ll probably die.
That being said, if we just had to go with the direct approach, I’d recommend lurking
outside bars on the other side of town and waiting for Gaap to point out a scumbag who’s all
alone and too f*cked up to defend himself. Hey, being a vigilante isn’t all wise cracks
and shootouts. Sometimes you have to beat drunk people to death with a hammer. Then
afterwards we can run his pockets and make it look like just another mugging gone wrong.
Ultimately, Nida gets the bar part right, but she screws up massively by choosing the one right
around the corner from her apartment. Not only would selecting a target from this place bring
even more attention to her neighborhood, by going inside she runs the risk of being identified by
the staff or patrons when the cops inevitably come sniffing around. Pubs like this one tend to run
on regulars, and despite living next to this place forever, Nida’s never come in once. They’re going
to remember that a newcomer came through the night someone got whacked, especially when this newcomer
orders two triple scotches and drinks them alone while muttering to herself in the corner.
And sure enough, Nida selects her target, only this time she doesn’t even need Gaap’s
mind powers to know she wants him dead. Tall, dark, and handsome here goes by the name
of Keith Holligan, and a few years ago he strangled his wife to death after accusing
her of cheating. Lucky for him, however, the courts felt she pretty much deserved it and so
he managed to get off a manslaughter charge.
Naturally, it makes sense to want to kill
two birds with one stone in a sense by both saving the earth and cleaning it up a little,
but remember, when it’s all said and done we want to get away with this. After all, what’s
the point of saving the planet if we have to spend the rest of our lives trapped inside a tiny
box? Might as well just let everything explode and spare ourselves the boredom.
Besides, once we pull this off, we’ll have the rest of our lives to plan the perfect
assassination for Mr. Holligan, and by then we’ll probably be even better at it. I say walk out now
and go prey on someone far away from here.
But of course, Nida’s like six scotches deep
right now, so she decides to follow her target out into a nearby parking lot to smash his
brains in. But, just as she’s working up the nerve to strike, Holligan turns around and sees
the situation exactly for what it is. Clearly, she’s fallen madly in love with him and came
out here to make sweet hot lovin down by the fire. This is, obviously, not what’s going
on here, but Nida takes advantage of this pretense to follow him somewhere secluded.
I mean, I still don’t think this is a good idea, but if you really want to get someone to
lower their guard, making them think you’re trying bang them is about as good as it gets,
assuming they find you attractive, that is.
At any rate, after a short walk down the
road, Nida and Keith arrive at his house and head upstairs to the ram pad, at
which point Nida pulls out the hammer like she was hiding a bouquet.
Huh, guess he just got tired of living. And it’s a good thing too, because Nida looked like
she was about to fall apart. Imagine what would have happened if he actually tried putting
up a fight. Well, we’re about to find out, as just as Nida’s about to make a clean
getaway, she bumps into Keith’s brother Chris on his way home, and this time around
she’s going to have to work for it.
See, this is exactly what I was talking
about with the hammer. Too easy to get it away from her. For that alone, it probably
would have been better to go with a knife, but either way we should have brought more than
one weapon along in case things got messy. Forget crawling after some kitchen knife to bail
yourself out. I’d be chucking blades at this fool like Early Cuyler right about now.
Whatever the case, this is yet another reason why going back to Keith’s house was a bad
idea. Without staking him out for a while we had no way of knowing whether he lived
alone, which clearly he does not, although it does give us a chance for a two-for.
Nice. Well, that about wraps this one up then, right? Well, maybe not. A quick review of the
talisman shows only one line being removed despite taking two lives, and after a brief chat
with undead tech support, Gaap hits us with some bad news. It seems one of the unknowable rules
to this nightmare is that we can’t kill anyone who has already killed someone else. Well, I
mean, we can, it just won’t count towards the three we need to get the job done.
Okay, fine. There’s still plenty of non-murderers out there that probably deserve
to die. Plus, we could still technically go after someone who’s planning to take someone
out just as long as we get to them before they do the deed. See, our cup runneth over.
Unfortunately, it seems Nida’s decided she wants to make this whole affair about as difficult
as possible, so instead of taking out some nobody with a rap sheet, she sets her sights
on an up and coming young demagogue running for MP. According to Gaap, Mister Michael
Smart as he’s known is gonna be a big deal, and not in a good way. If he goes on to live,
he’ll ultimately work his way up to Prime Minister and eventually plunge the UK into a state of
authoritarianism that would make Stalin blush, and while that’s certainly a good reason to get rid of
him, let’s think this through for a second.
According to Gaap, all his buddies down
in the underworld really like this guy, and while the rules say nothing about disrupting
their evil plans, I’d be hesitant to piss off the organizers lest they throw us another
curve ball in retaliation. However, it seems Nida’s gone through a major character
change after killing the strangler and his wholly innocent brother, and so she basically
tells the demons they can go to h*ll.
Of course, there’s also the issue of
what might happen as a direct result of Michael’s assassination. In all likelihood,
it will only serve to legitimize his platform, and he’ll almost certainly be replaced by someone
who will then use his death to push their agenda even further. After all, totalitarianism isn’t
unique to any one person or group, so for all we know his replacement will be even worse.
It’s the same problem with the baby Hitler dilemma. At least we know for sure he was able
to be defeated. F*ck around with the timeline and we could wind up subbing in someone who
marches straight to Moscow or even builds the bomb first. The point of all this being,
we should stick to targeting people whose impact on the future can be summed up in a
few words, not an entire history book.
Well, whatever. It’s not like any of this will
matter if the world gets destroyed, so at least she’s planning to kill somebody, although I
wouldn’t exactly call it planning. Basically, she intends to follow him home after his big
speech tonight and run him off the road on a secluded stretch of highway, except how can we
be sure that secluded stretch of highway will stay secluded. The last thing we need is for
some good Samaritan to pull up right as we’re trying to finish him off with the hammer.
A better idea would be to go stake out his house while he’s out giving his speech and then
ambush him once he gets back. We can use Gaap’s omniscience to make sure no one else is around,
and it beats setting up a car chase where we could potentially become injured or killed in a crash.
Not to mention the fact that any damage Nida’s car takes during the pursuit will make it easy for
authorities to track her down later. With a victim as high profile as Smart, you can bet the cops
won’t be letting this one go, especially since they’re already onto her.
Yeah, no thank you.
If he’s here it’s because he suspects
something, and that means someone else definitely knows about it. Oh, and just
how did he know to knock on Nida’s door, you ask. Well, he talked to the people over
at the pub, because of course he did.
That said, the fact he’s playing it cool
means he probably doesn’t have enough evidence to make an arrest, so there’s no need to
do anything desperate, at least not yet. However, this does mean we’re going to have to change
our target. If Fisher thinks we killed the Holligan’s he probably thinks we also killed
the dog walker guy, so he’s not going to let us drive anywhere without a tail.
Knowing this, we’ll just have to wait a little bit and then climb out a back window, at
which point we’ll pretty much have to run up on the first person we see, as we’re starting to
run out of time here. Sure, taking another life within walking distance of our apartment isn’t
going to help our case one bit, but at this point we’ll be lucky to finish at all, so we might
as well take the path of least resistance.
Sadly, none of this occurs to Nidah, who hops
behind the wheel and heads for Smart’s speaking event exactly as planned, all while being closely
followed by Fisher the whole way there. Also, Gaap’s the worst personal demon ever
for not warning her about this. Dude, can literally see everything happening everywhere,
at any time, so he should definitely be able to tell her she’s being watched. Furthermore,
he said he’d be banished to a dark void of eternal emptiness should she fail to complete
her task, so he’s not exactly doing himself any favors by keeping his mouth shut.
In any case, Nida manages to catch Smart driving home by himself, and after losing Fisher at a
railroad crossing, she begins phase two of her assassination attempt, which I gotta admit, goes
a h*ll a lot better than I thought it would.
Yup, that’ll do it.
Although, just to be safe, we should immediately run up to the wreckage with our hammer ready to
dish out the coup de grace. No sense in giving Smart a chance to gather his wits or even prepare
a weapon of his own. Besides, it’s not nearly as easy when someone doesn’t serve up the back of
their own head like a tee ball. Gonna take a few smacks at least to get the job done, so we better
not waste any time in case someone’s nearby.
And sure enough, before Nida can administer
the killing blow, Fisher swoops in out of nowhere to save the day, or so he thinks.
Once back at the station, the cops start leaning on Nida to explain her actions, and much to
their surprise she tells them everything, including the part where the twisted goat demon
morphed into a disco artist and told her to kill people. Naturally, they assumed she’s lost
her mind, and this notion is only reinforced when it turns out that the “talisman” she was
carrying around was just a regular domino.
Yes, it seems after all this time,
Nida really was just a crazy person, but even if in the end it was all pointless, I
still like to think we had a lot of fun along the way. Wait, hang on. What’s that sound?
Oh, nope, I guess she wasn’t crazy.
And with that, human civilization successfully
bombs itself back to the stone age, and it probably won’t even be the last time
either. As for Nida, she chose to join Gaap on his exile and spend eternity floating beside
him in total darkness, which if you ask me seems a lot worse than simply getting vaporized, but
whatever. She must really like Boney M.
In the end, Nida only got two out of the three
kills she needed to stop the apocalypse. However, while I can’t fully guarantee we could have kept
her out of prison, had she followed our advice, she would have at least been able to save
humanity from nuclear annihilation.
For that reason, I think DEMON 79 was Beaten.
Moral of the story, be careful what you bleed on.
