How to Beat the KID TRAFFICKERS in NO EXIT

if you were forced to play a real-life game of werewolf to save a little girl from violent Psychopaths what would you do a blizzard left us stranded in the mountains alongside four complete strangers and at least one of them has a dark secret bound and gagged in the back of their van with no way out until morning and no cell service to call for backup will have to take matters into our own hands before kiddo winds up on a milk carton I'm gonna break down the mistakes made what you should do and how to beat the kidnappers in no exit Darby's at the end of her rope it's day 11 of her seventh attempt at rehab and she'll be the first to admit it's not going great but things are about to get a whole lot worse an urgent phone call pulls her out of the group share with grim news her mother's been hospitalized with a brain aneurysm and is about to undergo surgery two states away what's more house rules dictate she can't even make so much as a phone call without authorization from her doctor given its Friday afternoon he's probably already three martinis into the weekend by now later that night Darby strong arms a secret cell phone off one of her fellow patients and calls her sister to ask for help in getting out only it seems that bridge got nuked from orbit a long time ago time for your right now don't call me back no touching however my little tongue lashing from her estranged sibling isn't enough to keep Darby away after carting her way into a utility closet and arming up with a few tools of her former trade she makes a Mad Dash for a nearby fire door before heading out to the parking lot and saw blading into an orderly Firebird the keys are nowhere to be found because apparently Mikey's not stupid enough to leave them lying under the visor like someone who wants his car to get stolen although he did leave something here looks like he takes his work home with him given we're breaking out of rehab we might want to ditch that bag in case the Temptation is too great for us to resist we're already going to be driving a stolen car so the last thing we want to do is take anything that'll impair our ability to keep it between the mustard and the mayonnaise also I get this is a Beggar's Chooser situation but a gas guzzling Trans Am is far from the ideal vehicle for making a 649 mile drive from Sacramento California to Salt Lake City Utah I can't imagine Darby's got all that much for gas money right now but even if she does a short-range car like that will require several stops for fuel along the way which only increases the likelihood of us getting spotted by the cops once work gets out about our Escape there seems to be a few other older vehicles in the parking lot she might be able to slim jim that would probably do a bit better on gas you know like that wagy special parked right next to her Darby hammers her way through the ignition it tears off into the night however before long the weather takes a turn for the worse and she soon finds herself driving through several inches of snow yet another reason we should have tried our luck with something else an old rear-wheel drive muscle car is quite possibly the worst thing imaginable for driving through snow unless Years of Living the high life right away or knowledge of geography we should have known to expect these road conditions while heading through the mountains especially this time of year if we lose control of the vehicle and plow into a ditch somewhere it's game over for a little Joyride and maybe even her life if help doesn't show up until time the love notes from Darby's sister start piling up prompting her to pull over and reevaluate her decision evidently having dosed off at some point she suddenly awakened by a State Trooper knocking on her window he informs her that the road ahead is closed due to the Blizzard meaning she only has two choices neither have back down or I opened up the visitor center for some folks a few hundred yards up the road it's a good thing he didn't see the screwdriver sticking out of the steering column or we'd be face down in the snow this also serves as an indication that neither reports of our Escape nor the stolen vehicle have made it out this far and he clearly didn't bother running our plates with nothing waiting for her back in Sac Town besides a jail cell Darby Ops for door number two and makes her way to the nearby Visitor Center where she finds three other vehicles parked out front inside our four fellow Travelers husband and wife at Insanity stringy-haired weirdo Lars and heavy sleeper Ash after settling in for a long night without Wi-Fi Darby overhears Ed mention to his wife that he managed to get a little bit of cell service out in the parking lot inspiring her to head back out into the blizzard to hunt for a signal not sure why you'd be so concerned about reaching the outside world right now the only person that even knows you have this phone number isn't exactly thrilled to be talking to you and based off your previous conversation I highly doubt she's going to have a change of heart anytime soon you're just wasting The Limited battery you'll need to navigate your way to SLC once the storm breaks better to just curl up in a dark corner and wait things out away from the others so no one recognizes your face once this is all over while poking around the parking lot in search of reception a strange noise from one of the vehicles catches Darby's attention further investigation leads her to a nearby camper van because of course it does and you'll never guess what she finds tied up in the back well that figures there's only two kinds of people that would drive around in something like this and they both abduct children in their spare time desperate to rescue the little girl Darby tries all the doors on the van but wouldn't you know it they're all locked up tight damn it's like whoever did this doesn't want her getting away or something fortunately reason momentarily prevails long enough for her to realize she can snap a picture of the van's license plates using the stolen smartphone just then she notices someone seemingly watching her from back inside the lodge forcing her to leave the child to avoid getting made the good news is that if kiddo's captor wandered her dead she'd most likely be faced down in tarp somewhere by now a snowstorm like this would make an excellent cover for murder considering the cold temperatures would slow the body's weight of Decay and to make it more difficult for investigators to determine the exact time of death as well as covering up evidence and delaying the Authority's response time my guess is that this is a ransom job meaning they have a direct interest in keeping her alive long enough to collect and since no one's going anywhere until the storm passes this gives us plenty of time to figure out how to help her I know this isn't very Liam Neeson of me but now that we have the license plate and a description of the vehicle we should take a step back from the situation and do whatever we can to get this information over to the cops once we get out of here after all there's no telling who and how many of our new friends are in on the kidnapping or whether they might be armed if they catch us snooping around the van we may very well end up inside it and that's if we're lucky although given we're not exactly on the best terms with our family right now we'd probably still wind up getting Marvin after they refused to cough up a ransom thinking it was part of some elaborate scam to score some drink money as Darby finds out there's still not enough cell reception to call 9-1-1 but we still might be able to get a simple text message out since 2014 more than a thousand law enforcement agencies across the US have been set up to receive emergency texts so there's a good chance we'll be able to get one through that said having the cops roll in to force a confrontation while we're still here is not a good idea in fact into a corner of the mystery kidnappers might very well take us hostage in a last-ditch attempt to evade capture not to mention the fact that we're operating a stolen vehicle while fleeing our court mandated rehab program wouldn't be a good look unable to call for help Darby heads back inside the visitors center only to immediately realize she has no idea who might be responsible for the kidnapping although come on you know Lars has got to have something to do with it seriously dude's got part-time magician written all over him one thing's for sure I'm not going anywhere near that coffee pot just in case whoever's responsible happens to be a Tarantino fan foreign with nothing better to do I didn't Sandy invite everyone over to play cards while they wait for things to clear up cause why bother getting some sleep to ensure you're not dog ass tired driving too slush tomorrow morning the gang settles in for a game of BS and lars's request which Darby uses as an opportunity to train sniff out the kidnapper in doing so she learns the Lars is headed back to his hometown of Battle Mountain Nevada and since everyone else claims to be from California it would seem the van and its Nevada plates could only belong to him and if that wasn't proof enough this guy's the psycho just wait until you see how he handles losing at his own game good in your own game that's a bad beat surely such a well-adjusted human being would never dream of hurting an innocent child if he's really the kidnapper he'd have to be pretty stupid to tell a bunch of random strangers where he's actually headed although there's clearly something wrong with a guy of course any of the others could easily be lying about their Origins and unless we've already checked the other two cars out there who's to say they don't all have Nevada plates short of straight up asking who owns the van we could take advantage of the recent van life craze sweeping the nation to start gushing over how jealous we are of the owner and see who pipes up however given the seriousness of the situation showing any amount of interest in the van could be bad for our health if they think we might be on to them with her suspicions all but entirely confirmed Darby heads to The Unfinished women's restroom to send a picture of the van's plates to law enforcement but the message fails to go through gee I wonder if it has anything to do with that huge ass attachment you're trying to shove through with less than the single bar I know a picture says 1000 words but right now you only need 10. child abduction young girl crappy Blue Van Nevada plates 589 mle that said I still don't think calling the cops while we're stuck here is a good idea so our heroes Tech illiteracy might actually work in our favor here Darby discovers a gaping hole in the exterior wall behind a couple sheets of OSB after arming up with a box cutter she heads back to the van and slim jims her way through the passenger side door however before she can cut the girl loose and make a break for it none other than Lars hops into the driver's seat to throw himself a little pity party hey lucky you're out here Jay that place is full of wires and cheeks oh yeah nothing says luck quite like freezing to death in the back of a kidnapper's van hey Darby now's when you take that box cutter and slash this weirdo's throat while he's sitting helpless in the front seat none I'm sure you're bound to get plenty more opportunities like this in the near future besides it's not like he might actually spot the human-sized lump wriggling around under the blanket suddenly Lars notices the cardboard covering the back window came loose revealing the Glock handgunius tucked away in the felony carry position as he leans back to fix it boy that's a pretty reckless way of carrying a firearm sure would be a shame if some unseen actor were to carefully reach into your waistband and squeeze the trigger a few times then again there's no way for us to tell whether it's even got a round in battery so a much better move in this case would be to swipe his piece while wrenching the box cutter ear to ear we can screw around with a pistol once the gurgling stops in case he has any accomplices Loris heads back inside to grab his prisoner something to eat giving Darby an opportunity to politely introduce herself to the young girl instead of I don't know ripping off the duct tape and asking her who's all involved seriously now's your chance to answer that question definitively instead of spending all night playing clue we can always put the tape back once we're done keep Lars none the wiser but if you're that worried about ripping your lips off we can at least have her show us on the free hands how many bad guys we're dealing with she can even nod yes or no as as to whether she recognizes any of their names oh well might as well pass away our best chance at learning what we're up against and head back to the bathroom to make sure this whole exercise was as meaningless as possible we already knew there was a kid in the van learning her name doesn't really help us in any way and we could have just as easily figured out to Lars on the van by staying seated at the card table with everyone else party in the van all right I get she couldn't have known that was going to happen but there was no good reason for her to leave the room in the first place sure she might have been able to get Jay into the Trans Am without anyone noticing but where's she gonna go from there by now they're pretty much completely snowed in so unless Darby was planning to fast travel out of there she'd just be taking her out of the ice tray and into the freezer besides eventually Lars was bound to come out and turn the heat on in the van to keep her from freezing to death and when he noticed the girl disappeared right around the time Darby went to the bathroom he'd probably put two and two together pretty quick if we were dead set on doing something more proactive than just committing everything to memory and sending the Cavalry in the morning a much better idea would have been to surreptitiously slash the tires on the van to keep Lars from making a quick getaway once the roads cleared up we just want to make sure to get the hell out of there as soon as possible in case the blame game got heated a few minutes later Lars returns to the van with the promised snacks this time coming around the passenger side where he notices a set of Fresh Tracks leading off into the woods [Music] whose Footprints are these hmm I wonder who could have left those meanwhile Darby re-enters the lady's room just as Ash comes to check on her and despite knowing it's all about the guy she decides to fill him in on the kidnapping situation however before she can share her findings with the complete stranger of unknown motivation Lars comes barging in after him only to be immediately sent packing with a little fake make out action with that out of the way Darby brings Ash up to speed on what she's pieced together given they're all totally stranded out of here with no way for Lars to escape He suggests they just sit tight until morning and call the cops as soon as they have cell service man that sounds so familiar unfortunately there's a complication that apparently moves up the timetable according to dorby the girl was wearing a wristband indicating she has some sort of chronic illness and even though that could be literally anything she decides this means they have to act quickly to keep her from dying yeah never mind the fact that she'd still be hours away from help if her little mystery condition decided to flare up she goes on to say that she thinks Lars is on to her which is why he came into the women's restroom being the Brave and chivalrous man that he is Ash suggests Darby exit through the front door to lure the armed criminal outside so he can let Ed and Sandy know what's going on as for the obvious disparity in Firepower he claims he can rig up a nail gun to fire like a real gun yeah except for the whole being able to kill people part as it pretty much hit like a BB gun seriously just because you've seen one knock over beer cans at the job site doesn't mean it'll do more than piss this guy off better go for the eyes if you're gonna do it awful weapons aside there's a major problem with this plan and that's we have absolutely no way of knowing whether Lars is working alone sure edin Sandy might look like a nice old couple out for a road trip but such a non-threatening appearance would also make them the perfect traffickers for sensitive cargo besides something about their story just doesn't add up Sandy here surprised me with a little vacation to my favorite City see what I mean Reno is isn't anyone's favorite City much less a city worth getting stranded out in the middle of nowhere and even if they are telling the truth we have no idea how they might react to this information they could very well start a fight they can't finish and get us all shot and the same goes for ash what we're just supposed to trust this guy because he's handsome sure when has that ever LED anyone to an early grave think about it for a second if seeing the two of you together was all that took to send Lars away why would he have followed Ash into the bathroom in the first place it's almost like he was hoping to catch him in private rather than Darby I feel like a broken record at this point but our best move from the moments we saw Jay in the van was to just sit down shut up and try to absorb as much information as possible for later on I mean for all we know we stumbled into a full-blown creeper Convoy out here and now they're all going to take turns stabbing us to death like we just crossed the Rubicon Darby heads out the front door to put their ill-conceived plan into action but Lars doesn't take the bait right away seemingly forgetting about the armed kidnapper that could come after her at any second she climbs back inside the van to check on Jay however upon removing the duct tape covering her mouth the child makes a startling Revelation how many men were there how many men and Ash is on team snatcher awesome if only we'd asked her that question before blindly trusting some dude we barely met you know like when we were completely alone with her 10 minutes ago realizing she's been had Darby takes off into the nearby forest and Loops back around to the women's room but apparently Ash spotted her before she can make a clean getaway the sleeper agent cuts her off in the hallway just as she's about to rejoin Ed and Sandy forcing her back into the women's room at gunpoint and demanding to see her phone after deleting her failed message to the police he finds the text from Darby's sister and asks if anyone's really expecting her at the hospital for some reason Darby decides to tell him all about her fueled Family Feud and then the two engage in a little back and forth name calling wherein she calls him out for abducting a child with a disease which turns out to be something called Addison if she gets too excited she'll OD on adrenaline so your little intervention didn't do her any favors like taping her up in the back of a van isn't going to get her worked up how stupid do you have to be to kidnap a kid that could drop dead Under Pressure she won't be worth anything to you if she croaks on the road and it's not like you can take her to the hospital during a flare-up just then Sandy knocks on the door asking if Darby's okay prompting Ash to Stow his peace down the front of his pants and go in for another diversionary kiss Jesus having either of these morons ever heard of a holster while his hands are up selling that kiss we could easily reach down and squeeze one off directly into his femoral artery before running a Mozambique on his ass for good measure this time we can tell the gun is charged by the forward position of the trigger and even if it's on an empty chamber we could still wrestle control of it away from the attacker and give Sandy an opportunity to either join the fights or call for backup the concerned bystander asks if she can speak with Darby alone which Ash calmly agrees to but not before leaning in close to let her know he'll gun them all down if she lets the cat out of the bag once he's gone Sandy subtly asks if everything's above of board but Darby just plays it off as a little boredom control Smart Move staying tight-lipped on the situation after all we should probably assume Ash is listening through the door ready to pop off the second we Spill the Beans still we should have at least given her some kind of wink while gesturing with her hand in the shape of a gun we could even mouth Lars while she's saying something in response to try and articulate the fact that they're working together I know I said we shouldn't get the others involved as we can't know who they're with or how they'll handle this information but things are rapidly spiraling out of control and without a helping hand from Ed and Sandy we're pretty much screwed no matter what besides unless they're playing some serious 5D chess here it's probably safe to assume The Honeymooners aren't in on the kidnapping scheme the current situation is in a way yet another callback to the thing if they were all in on it there's no reason they wouldn't attack us now and get it over with after all we've seen all of their faces no way they just let us walk away and since we can't exactly raise the bats signal out here we're gonna have to get rid of these Jokers on our own fortunately ash left us alone in a construction site full of potential weapons we should arm up with whatever we can find preferably something like a framing hammer and while we're at it we should check and see if they've got any more of those nail guns lying around only instead of trying to plank them to death from a distance like ash suggested we'll wait until things get up close and personal and use it as intended Lethal Weapon style once we're prepared for battle we should have Sandy tell Ash we want to speak with them again assuming he's dumb enough to take the bait we can Ambush him at the door ideally before he has time to draw his gun of course if he doesn't fall for it we'll have to play along a bit longer while we wait for an opportunity to Stage a proper Ambush at that point I'd look for something more concealable like another box cutter to replace the one we left back in the van speaking of which Jay is currently using it to cut herself free however the problem remains of where exactly she plans to go without proper winter clothing she won't last long running through the forest in the visit Center won't offer many hiding places once they start tearing the place apart it probably wasn't a good decision to leave it out there we could have made it better using the blade against Larsen Ash and if Ed and Sandy saw a little girl escaping from the back of the van her kidnappers would have little choice but to open fire at that point fortunately only large seems to spot Jay as she makes a break for Freedom causing him to get up and head outside without a word meanwhile Darby gets up to head back to the ladies room with Ash following close behind this is why we should have secretly clued Sandy in when we had her one-on-one as this would be the perfect opportunity for her to let Ed know what's going on instead they're both left sitting on their hands wondering why everyone else is acting so strange no well at least we got Ash separated from his partner in crime let's hope Darby has the nerve to capitalize on this what the hell was that I mean I'll give you points for trying but your accuracy really took on those follow-up swings what did you run out of stamina or something even if he's bobbing around too much to nail him in the head you could have hit him just about anywhere else and still done some damage especially if you flipped it around to the claw side the good news is we're not hosed yet the half wit still has a loaded gun shoved down in his pants like he's about to Rubble or store and right now both his hands are currently wrapped around our neck once again all we have to do is reach for his waistband and he'll be off urinals for good or we could just slap at his face like he just pulled her pigtails because that always works in these situations luckily for Darby Lars shows up at the last second to report he's lost track of their little cash cow giving them a reason to keep her alive at least for now the way Ash sees it since Jay knows Darby's trying to help her she might be able to lure her back to them however before they can get to it Jade sneaks away with the set of Van Keys Ash dropped during the struggle once outside the Min forced stormy to call out to Jay and apparently they also thought it'd be a good good idea to make or hold their only flashlight just as they start to lose their patience Darby shines the beam directly in Ash's face before plunging straight down a nearby Hill narrowly avoiding being shot in the process her escape attempt proves mostly successful although it comes at a steep cost good thing there were plenty of nice soft tree trunks around a break or fall normally I'd say she should have tried laying a beat down on the gunman with her flashlights and going for the disarm but given out that went last time making a break for it was probably the better option that said it's a good thing they were stupid enough to entrust us with their sole source of light otherwise we almost certainly would have cut a bullet while rolling down the hill back indoors the sound of The Gunshot draws Ed outside to investigate alone completely unarmed there he finds an unconscious J laying just outside the tree line and brings her back inside for Cindy to take a look at her fortunately she happens to be a nurse although something tells me Jay's condition is beyond a treatable with whatever they might have lying around the visitor center Darby snaps back to reality in time to see Ed carrying Jada safety with their pursuers closing and around her she hugs her flashlight off into the forest to draw them away while she makes a break for the main entrance might have been a good idea to hold on to that light in case we needed to head back outside at some point we could have just as easily thrown a stick to achieve the same effect without costing ourselves a valuable resource once back inside Darby finally blows the lid on Lars and Ash's kidnapping operation all while standing with her back to the thin glass doors separating her from the pair of armed men hunting her down yeah cool story and all but we might want to start locking this place down before the screaming starts once we shove something through the handles on the front door we need to shut off all the interior lights so they can't see us moving around in there at that point they won't be able to get in without making a lot of noise and since they went and gave their only flashlight away to the person working against them it wouldn't be all that difficult to Ambush them with whatever Weaponry we can scrounge up from the construction site by the way we seem to have forgotten about the massive gaping hole in the wall they could use to sneak in better button that thing up as soon as possible although it might be easier to just nail the door shut leading into the bathroom and call it good well apparently these two idiots forgot about it too as they're just walking up to the front door like it's no big deal fortunately for us it seems old Ed has a plan you walk through that door I will shoot you there don't get too excited though he's only bluffing but at least for the moment it's enough to keep these bozos on Ice however as Sandy points out time is not completely on our side Jay's and Dire Straits and if she doesn't receive proper medical attention soon she's almost certainly a goner this realization isn't lost on Bonnie and Clyde either and apparently they had the exact medication she needs to stay alive using this fact they try to broker a deal give the girl up and this whole thing disappears knowing Jay doesn't have much time Sandy's all about this idea but it's far too good to be true we've all seen their faces and can provide a clear description of the van if not also the plates from memory these guys would have to be absolute idiots to think we wouldn't immediately rat them out to the cops the first chance we got meaning no matter what we do there's no way they're going to just pack up and leave better hope for a Christmas Miracle because right now our best chance of making it out of here alive is to keep the standoff going until the roads clear up either way Ash and Lars aren't going anywhere without their keys which Darby still has scrolled away from earlier thinking they've got to Ace up their sleeve Gambling Man Ed sends back a counteroffer cough up the medicine and they can have their keys back unfortunately the response isn't exactly what they hoped for watching from the window they see the two men retrieve a gas can from the van which they then proceed to dump out around the visitor center as Ed points out they'd have to be totally smooth brained to burn us all alive with not only their meal tickets but also their sole means of transportation however statistically speaking most criminals are incredibly stupid and thus far these two men have proved to be no exception regardless the All-State man takes this for a bluff he's willing to bet the house on it the way he sees it it's only a matter of time before they give up the act and Barge right in so he decides to have Darby hide his keys and the van keys to eliminate any possibility have escaped once they do you can't kill us if they can't leave right uh wrong they most certainly can kill you if they can't leave again you're assuming these nimrods think more than a single Step Ahead also just as a rule anytime you feel yourself thinking whatever you're up against can't kill you for whatever reason go ahead and punch yourself right in the face they can and will kill you just ask Nick and Angie from await further instructions oh wait you can't because they both got their brains bashed in after assuming the threats couldn't actually kill them I mean they were both screwed anyways but still not a good idea our only chance right now is to make sure that a they don't like that match and B they stay outside sure we could try and slip out through the hole in the bathroom but then we'd only be trading burning to death or bleeding out with freezing into corpsicles instead of stashing them somewhere we should try and find some pliers or tin shears and thread to destroy the keys outright and leave them completely stranded this way we can make it expressly clear what they'd be sacrificing if they don't back off besides how does hiding them deter anything it's not like we'd be making it impossible for them to leave they're just gonna hold us a gun points and be like go get them in the end it doesn't matter because Jay comes to just in time to recognize Sandy as her family's disgruntled housekeeper that's right it turns out Sandy was The Mastermind behind this kidnapping all along although I can hardly blame her maid Larry and now she's gonna do the day it's like Tick Tock strikes again it turns out she started running this racket behind her husband's back after he wiped out their life savings with this crippling gambling addiction cause there's no way he could possibly Pit All Away a second time right anyway she linked up with these two losers online knowing Jay's parents could afford a multi-million dollar payout for her return however she never actually met them in person so neither party actually knew what the other looked like not wanting to lose out on her share of the ransom Sandy calls out to Ash and Lars exposing Ed's Gunplay for what it is she then proceeds to mace Darby right in the face before dismantling the makeshift barricade and rolling out the red carpet for the kidnappers with nothing holding them back the Goon Squad strolls in and begins issuing commands starting with having Sandy administer Jay's medication sure enough the next order of business is asking Darby where she put the keys still thinking it'll make a difference Ed warns her giving them up will be her last mistake only to have his little mad Theory blown to pieces 1200 feet per second can you tell him we're all dead oh what was that about them not being able to kill you sorry I can't hear you over the sound of your fatal gunshot wound desperate to avenge your Fallen husband Sandy charges in with the mace to dish out the spicy eyes but before she can connect lore sleeps out in front of the stream and soaks up enough to give Ash time to squeeze off a shot yeah that's what you get for putting your trust in someone unhinged enough to kidnap a little girl even if you hadn't randomly stumbled into them out in the middle of nowhere what leverage did you have to ensure they weren't going to screw you over out of your cut to begin with realistically the moment you outed yourself as the inside made you pretty much signed your own death warrant down to their last loose end Ash drags dorby over to the wall and forces her to stick around while he takes Lars to wash his eyes out fortunately they seem to have overlooked the clawhammer sitting nearby only it's just barely Out Of Reach with their attackers indisposed she calls Jay over for the assist but before she can pry herself loose in the most painful way possible Ash comes back to shake her down for the van keys I'll give it to Ed he is right about them not killing Darby until she forked over the keys too bad for him and Sandy it only applies to the person that actually hid them that said they can still make what's left of Our Lives extremely unpleasant until we eventually crack and it seems Ash knows just where to start her mom died damn and by text no less hard to say who did her dirtier Ash or her sister the messages don't stop there evidently Darby's text to law enforcement made it through after all realizing this drastically limits their Play Time Ash cranks the pressure up to 11. threatening to hook Jay up with a mother of all piercings unfortunately for the kiddos piano career our best move right now would be to claim up and let Ash plug away we already know he's not going to kill her and since he needs us to access his getaway vehicle all we have to do is hold out until the cops roll in seriously it was pretty dumb for him to read that one out loud now we know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel as long as we have the stomach for it sure we'll both probably wind up looking like Hellraiser by the time help arrives but beats being dead I think ultimately Darby's compassion gets the better of her and she tells Ash she hid the keys in the snow just outside the bathroom not wasting any time he leaves Lars with the Glock to watch over the prisoners while he heads outside and gets to digging if we just can't bear the side of his small child getting tortured we should have told Ash to cut us loose so we could show him exactly where we hid the goods that way we might at least have a chance to Stage some kind of counter Ambush and go for the disarm sure it's a long shot and it would probably end with us eating a slug but otherwise pretty much only one of two things is going to happen either he'll find the keys and then come back to blow our brains out or he won't find the keys in which case he'll probably come back and beat us half to death of course there might be a third possibility I haven't considered remember what I said about most criminals being incredibly stupid well old Lars here would make the wet Bandits look like DB Cooper realizing he wouldn't dare pull the trigger on their payday Darby instructs Jay to go shut off the lights now ordinarily this wouldn't go anywhere because a grown man could easily just eat the 60 pound child across the room and call it good but not Lars no he's just gonna stand there hurling empty threats at her until she actually does it as soon as the lights go out Darby uses her special powers to Snoop up the bag for my Mikey's car like Popeye wolfing down his spinach meanwhile Jake keeps Lars busy long enough for her to wrench herself free from the wall and bring the hammer down on his scrawny ass the ensuing struggle results in a negligent discharge alerting Ash to the situation but by the time he makes it back inside Darby's already gained the upper hand well I have to admit I didn't think we're gonna make it out of this one nothing to do now but pop these losers and wait for the cops to roll out the body bags I mean you are going to shoot him right seriously you have a clear shot to that pretty much anyone could make for God's sake take the shot oh wait that's right we've got to do the whole put your gun down know you thing for at least five minutes until something forces one of us to act fortunately Jay's far too young to understand this Trope and she comes in clutch with a framing hammer to knock Ash's shot astray with interesting results what is this a timeout just because Laura's got Happy Gilmore that doesn't mean Ash isn't still an immediate threat if you don't shoot him now you're really gonna regret it in like five minutes when he's about to murder you again why bother to rid the world of the man who strangled you shut it you tortured you and threatened to maim an innocent child better to just slowly Sidle towards the firebird and assume this shocking twist of fate has shown him the heir of his ways speaking of which you might want to sit large down before he slips on something and jams that framing nail three inches into his skull like that now extra pick from the loss of his friend Ash runs outside to settle to score managing to shred the tires on Darby's getaway car with his magic nail gun and send them crashing head first into a flagpole however instead of delivering the coup de gras he stops to go back and Set Fire To The Visitor Center which conveniently takes just enough time for the lone police officer from earlier to show up and tragically misread the situation good news Darby we've got another slam dunk for you eventually the cop is going to get close enough to see Ash's weapon and put this whole mess on active self-protection all we have to do now is sit still and shut up while we wait for nature to take its course now think of who we're talking about here if she had that kind of clarity we never would have gotten into this mess in the first place once again danger prone Darby decides to take matters into her own hands without a second thought opening the driver's side door and dosing Ash in the shoulder before he can react all right you made your statements without getting lit up by the police time to quit while we're ahead and screw it obviously she's gonna stand straight up and present herself as an armed threat to the terrified cop who has absolutely no idea what's going on and obviously he's gonna shoot her and cause her to drop her gun and now this is gonna happen foreign Jesus Christ never mind the fact officer Carmine could clearly see him reaching for the weapon what are you playing on dial up or something Ash squares up on Darby to do what years of rampant abuse apparently never could only it seems he spent the last of his ammo smoke in the uniform after using the nail gun to finish off Johnny Law and scoring his service pistol ashleans in close to deliver one last round of bad guy dialogue within stabbing distance and sure enough Darby makes him pay for it really you're not even gonna feed him the one-liner you know like screw you or Dodge this or get off my plane what a shame oh well what's done is done and with no one left to stop her Darby drags herself beside the Fallen officer and uses his radio to call for help finally bringing an end to this nightmare once and for all in the end only dorby and Jay made it out alive however we could have easily coordinated police Rescue without ever having forced a confrontation with the kidnappers thereby sparing Ed Sandy and the cop and possibly even Lars and Ash as long as they didn't go pulling in North Hollywood that said even after the cat was out of the bag we still had ample opportunity to Flatline both of them and for that reason I think no exit was beaten moral of the story sometimes no action is the best action do you have four of the latest gamer Subs waifu cups and need one more for a reason you will and should take to your grave while Kaho shibuya's Creator cup pre-order just dropped pre-order one before it's too late to properly contain your GG liquids use my code unbeaten to get 10 off anything else [Music]

Channel: Nerd Explains

Views: 607,221

Keywords: nerd explains, how to beat, cinema summary, dead meat, the critical drinker, no exit

Id: 3Oem7GQUT0U

Length: 36min 36sec (2196 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 12 2022