The rivalry between Iron Man and Captain America
has reached a fever pitch with Civil War, and in the movies and the comics, both are
incredibly effective leaders. What's undeniable though is that people follow them for different
reasons because, Iron Man, quite frankly, is much cooler than Captain America. In fact,
Captain America can be kind of a dweeb. In honor of Civil War, I want to take a look
at the two actors behind these characters, because whether Iron Man has bled into Robert
Downey Jr. or vice versa, the fact is that they have both mastered the art of witty banter
and cool demeanor. Chris Evans more mirrors Captain America and
they both still make great leaders, but in a very different way. So let's take a look
at how some tiny habits make Robert Downey Jr. and Tony Stark come across as very cool,
while Chris Evans in Captain America come across as something else entirely. Let's begin with the most noticeable habit,
how frequently Robert Downey Jr. and Tony Stark both use sarcasm. So here's Robert Downey
Jr. accepting the award for Best Actor at the 2013 Choice Awards. Clearly Robert is just kidding, but sarcasm
is a habit that he has. Specifically, he takes a lot of opportunities to jokingly elevate
himself. Tony Stark is very much the same way, joking
that people miss him when he arrives in Iron Man 2. And both Tony Stark and Robert are not shy
about telling you the amazing things that their lifestyle can afford, without playing
up any false humility. Here's Tony Stark when asked about if he actually slept with 12 Maxim
cover girls. You see there? He answers the question as if it's
no big deal, even though everyone else in the world wouldn't be able to tell that story
without a big grin on their face. Robert does something similar. Here is an example of all
the cast members responding when asked if they've been able to take any small mementos
home from the set of the Avengers. So the stage is set here. No on on the cast
took anything. They were too nervous to do that because Marvel and Disney are so locked
down about everything that's on the set, then Robert chimes in and says this, without even
smiling. Everybody else smiles because of how cool
that is, but Robert purposely doesn't even act very amused with it. He is unabashed when
it comes to making jokes that elevate his status and even in telling true stories that
elevate his status. And he tells all of that in ways that make it seem totally normal for
him, which is, because he's Robert Downey Jr. All of that creates an aura of cool. He is
absolutely not bashful in the limelight. In fact, he thrives on it, and even jokes that
he deserves much more of it. Chris Evans handles things very, very differently.
He kind of like you might imagine the Captain America would. He downplays his own role when
the limelight comes to him and he thanks every one else. Now this is the same award we just watched
Robert win a minute ago, just two years later. Interestingly, Chris doesn't make a joke about
he deserve it. He just says "Thank you" sincerely. That choice between joking and sincerity will
come up in your life every single time you receive any kind of compliment or praise. Responding one way isn't better than the other,
but the one that you tend towards will have a huge impact in how you're perceived. Choose
to be sincere more often, and people will see you as gracious, genuine, and kind. Choose
to crack a joke more often, and people will see you as funny and composed. It is worth
mentioning though that the type of joke that you crack has a huge impact. There is a large
difference between being self-deprecating, as Chris Evans does at the end of this speech And being self aggrandizing like we saw Robert
do before Again, there is a trade-off. Self-deprecating
jokes won't upset anyone, but if you do them too often, you risk coming off as very insecure. Self aggrandizing jokes will typically come
off as more cool, but some people are going to think that you're just arrogant. One last
wrinkle to add to this whole joking idea is that there's a huge difference between smiling
when you crack a joke and not smiling. You see, sometimes the line between joking and
seriousness is not obvious. In those cases, we look at context clues to tell us whether
or not the person is joking or kind of just being a jerk. Typically, the biggest clue is whether or
not they laugh and smile. If they don't smile, it can leave us kind of confused. For an example
of that, check out this next clip where Robert jokes about not inviting Jimmy Fallon to his party. You see, here, Robert says it in a very deadpan
manner and kind of lets it sit, and it is true that he didn't invite Jimmy to the party,
but the way he said it comes across as sarcastic, so even though Robert does follow up in just
a second here by saying that it would have been nice to have you, the tension is never
released, because Robert doesn't break and smile and speak in a different tone. So watch
how the rest of this interaction unfolds. Watch this last part back and pay special
attention to Jimmy's eyebrows, and then, how he chuckles for seemingly no reason at all.
What you'll see is that Jimmy is trying to release some of the tension that's created
by Robert's joke that he wasn't invited. Robert never laughed for him, so Jimmy kind of gets
this "Yeesh" look, and those are the eyebrows, and then, that little chuckle, which is his
way of saying, "Ha,ha, it was just a joke even though I don't really feel like it." Now I know that a lot of groups of friends
will say stuff like, "You know, we're buddies. It's all good between us. It's okay. We all
know he's just joking." But the truth is, sarcastic jokes with no release, that are
at someone's expense do not make people feel good, even if you're close. It makes them
wonder if you like them, no matter how long you've been friends. That feeling just sits, and because
of this, you get the sense that Jimmy is the one who is vying for Robert to like him for the
rest of this interaction. And that's one way that the cool guy effect
is created. Contrast that with what you tend to see from Chris Evans. When he makes jokes,
not only does he do self-deprecation, but he tends to make jokes that elevate other
people. Watch here for an example how he jokes that he wishes people would think he looked
like Chris Hemsworth. So the content of that joke is that he wishes
people thought that he was Hemsworth; that he wishes he could be more like Hemsworth,
and we know that he's joking because it's so over the top and he laughs, but this joke
is basically the opposite of what you saw Robert Downey do. There was no tension created here
and you can see it in the way that Chris Hemsworth responds. If anything, there was a little
moment of pride, and that's what happens when you elevate people in your joke. Watch again
how he spreads the good vibe around. Here he cracks a joke about how integral Robert
was to making all of these Marvel movies and how, even though that's the truth, he's going
to be humble about it. So, at the same time, he is talking of Robert Downey's importance
and his humility. Even in this next clip, when he's allude a joking opportunity to tease
Chris Pratt, he goes the complete opposite direction and puts himself down while elevating
Chris Pratt. The point here is that not only do you have
an option of whether or not you're going to joke or be sincere in your conversations.
You also have the option of which direction you'd take those jokes. Will you use it to
elevate your own status and tease others or will you be self-deprecating while elevating
others. The first option is probably gonna make you more cool and respected. The second
makes you more likable. I see the same trade-off in the way that people handle other people's jokes. At this point, if I told you that one person
laughs really, really loudly at other's jokes and the other is more reserved, you probably
know who is who. Clearly, there's a pattern between Chris and Robert, so let's go ahead
and watch as Chris tilts his head back and laughs like crazy even when people make jokes
about him. So watch now as Chris Hemsworth disses Captain America for being a nuance character. Even though Hemsworth is saying that he didn't
really bring in any nuance to his character, Evans takes it totally unpersonally. He falls
over in his seat and insists that that joke was perfect. This shows that he isn't actually
insecure about these jokes, and it makes Hemsworth feel great. We all want to be funny. So when
someone bursts out laughing at our joke and insists that it was perfect, we can't help
but feel this swell of pride. I'm sure that you had someone in your life giving you that
experience and made you want to spend more time with the person who was laughing at your
jokes. Robert Downey on the other hand tends to be
more muted, purposely stifling sometimes his own laughter. It isn't that he doesn't have
a sense of humor, it's just he prefers to play like he didn't find the joke funny so
that he can respond with more banter, and you can tell, because they tease him for being
old in this next clip, and after a few seconds, he finally breaks at the end and laughs. So notice here, he very purposely is not laughing. And then, he can't keep up. He was about to say something quippy and funny in response,
but he gets touched too many people teased him, and he finally laughs. That is very common
for him is that he will restrain his own laughter and prepare to make another joke in response,
rather than sharing that laughter with other people and letting them know that their joke
was really funny. At this point, I've spent a lot of time talking
about joking, because, really, that's one of the biggest drivers of whether you are
more perceived as cool and respected, or as likable. But, there's one other piece that's
very important, and that is where you put your attention. Where you place your attention
when you're speaking to someone has a huge effect on whether or not they feel the need
to prove themselves to you. So, in this next clip, he's got glasses on, but you can still
see how Robert's attention and eye contact seemed to wander after he's answered the question,
sometimes, in the middle of the question, looking over his shoulder or at the camera,
basically, anywhere other than right at the interviewer. If you're speaking to him, this can create
a bit of a feeling that you need to win his attention back all the time. And it creates
a moment of anxiety that maybe he's going to walk away. What that does is make you want
to be more interesting so that you can maintain all of his attention. That's another point
in the cool column as you work to win his favor. Chris Evans on the other hand tends to just
look the person in the eye as he's speaking to them, especially when they're asking him
a question. That way, the person feels less like they need to win him over. And you can
see right here in this clip, this is a great example of it. Now, the truth of all of this
is that both Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans don't do any of these things all the time.
For instance, Robert Downey Jr. will sincerely answer questions and talk people up. And Chris Evans will take joking disses at
his friends. Now, obviously, we all exhibit some of these
habits some of the time, but what it comes down to is the balance that you find, and
that is created due to your interaction habits. We all have habits when it comes to human
interaction. Robert's habits make the people around him feel odd more often than not, but,
also, potentially insecure as to their status. That is really what cool is. It's when people
think that you're amazing, but they are kind of unsure if they stack up. And then you see how Chris' habits may not
come across as cool, but still make him extremely likable. And that is the big difference
between the two patterns that we saw today. The cool pattern, as exemplified by Robert
Downey Jr. in Iron Man is self-elevating jokes, distracted attention, all that kind of stuff
that is going to make people walk away from you thinking, "I hope that guy likes me." I would call the other habit that we saw in
Chris Evans the giver pattern, and that is jokes that talk people up, focused attention.
That's going to make people walk away thinking, "You know, what? I really like that guy."
You can, of course, do both of these at different times, and, of course, you can be likable
and cool, but you do have to choose which way you will lean more often than not. You
have to choose which habits you're going to go to more often. I know that I titled this video "Why Iron
Man is Cooler?" But in my opinion, you are actually better off leaning towards being
likable than cool. That leads to people around you feeling better and, for me, that is worth
it. So I recommend that you find the right balance for you. If you want to create more
intrigue, more respect, maybe you add a bit of Downey's cockeyed banter. If you want to
make other people feel good more often, maybe you allow yourself to laugh like crazy at
other people's jokes. In short, you just pay attention to how your
habits are making the people around you feel. Those habits are going to be the blueprint
for the impression that you make most of the time. And if you're interested in the blueprint
to making an amazing first impression, we've actually set up a different video that covers
those four emotions that guarantee a great first impression every time. Hit those four
emotions in the right order and you are set in any kind of environment, from the boardroom,
all the way to a bar or a party. So, if you want those, go ahead and click the box.
It's gonna take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access
to to that video, so that you begin using those emotions today. If you've enjoyed this video and want to be
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ones, plus the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic and confident self in
the moments that count the most. If you guys have any video suggestions, please,
please, write those down in the Comments. I know that a lot of you have asked for more
Game of Thrones, and I have some good ideas brewing, plus I'm waiting and expecting some
more good material in Season 6. There will be more Game of Thrones coming. Also, I know that a lot of you asked, how
I know these sort of things and how I do these breakdowns, and I plan on talking about that
in a video sometime later this week. So thank you, guys, for those comments. They really
help a lot in terms of letting me know where to go next. I hope that you have enjoyed this video and
I will see you in the next one.
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