5 Common Phrases That Ruin First Impressions

the first impressions that you are making often hinge on the smallest of things it can be a gesticulation or a choice of words and it can make it all come together or fall apart now we covered a lot of things that go good on this channel but today I want to cover five common phrases that you are likely using that are ruining your first impressions and give you things that you can say instead so the first one of these is going to be sorry for taking your time now this is one that I hear when people land a meeting with someone that's higher in stature or they're at a networking event and someone seems really busy or they just lack confidence the first thing out of their mouth is sorry for taking your time now this does two things first off you've immediately put them in two I'm going to take from you defense mode because you've said you want to take their time and when you say sorry you're implying that you're about to do them wrong and it makes everything that comes out of your mouth after that be viewed through this lens of this person is taking from me I don't feel comfortable opening up to them much stronger than this if you want to be gracious is to say I appreciate you making time when you first walk into a meeting for instance this recognizes that they might be busy but it doesn't imply that you are a time sucker or a time waster and if it is true for you though there are salesmen who use this all the time when it isn't true is say hey look I only have a few minutes and then to continue when you do this you are putting yourself in the position of the person who has a busy day this isn't the highlight of your day it's part of your day you're excited to be there but you've got to get somewhere else shortly again I don't recommend using this as a tactic or a lie but in the event that it is true it can really position you as someone who like you are has valuable time to give so the second one here is probably the number one thing that I hear and it's the number one tip I give people who want to make better first impressions and is to cut the word fine out of your first impression vocabulary as an hey how are you I'm doing fine thanks the problem with fine is that it is the most common word that people use to describe the first impressions next to good and if you think of your life and all the first impressions that you have probably thousands of people how many of those made a good first impression it was not the normal one these were people who did something extraordinary so if you're starting off being just fine or good you're in that bucket of everyone else who I will forget in probably 10 minutes much stronger is to come out and be excellent fantastic great amazing whatever it is so if you feel good let it show and your work choice and in your tonality if you still don't really feel great it's not that kind of day at least be solid right solid is different enough from fine than it stands out and if you're having a really bad day you could actually do better rather than just covering up with you I'm fine thanks to at least get into it you don't need to complain you don't need to whine about it but in sharing a bit more about what happened you're at least distinguishing yourself from the mass of people who are fine which is huge this is actually the first day of our course charisma University because I think it is the most important thing that you can do instantaneously to improve your first impressions so I cannot overstate its value make sure you're doing this the third one that follows on this one's heals is hey followed by um silence so you're talking to someone they say hey how are you hey and there's nothing the problem here is that people want to converse with people who make conversation feel effortless and if they're sitting there going oh god what do I say we're gonna talk about that conversational thread just died they're gonna get out of there they're gonna talk to someone who doesn't make them feel like that so what you can do to make sure that people want a stick in conversation with you is make it feel more effortless by giving them a particular line of conversation to answer respond or speak to so you might say hey if it's a group of people how do you guys all know one another at least they know what they could talk about and then conversation can evolve or hey what brings you all out tonight or hey what made you decide to come to this networking event are you working on anything any sort of line of inquiry beyond hey is going to help so much and if you ever hear yourself just say hey add anything to it it will go a long long way so the fourth thing here is very common to Los Angeles and I think other big cities and it's in a first-impression scenario where you hear someone say nice to see you and what they are doing is they are trying to mask the fact that they do not know who they have met before and who they haven't so in an effort to not get caught they're just saying nice to see you to everyone the problem is that very quickly you can tell this is insincere and whatever comes next it's just you're wondering if this person is just a smooth operator who you can't trust and it ruins whole thing there's a higher level principle here which is if you don't know something like someone's name or you know if you've met them before simply own it so in the case of nice to see you you might say you look really familiar have we met before if you get it wrong no harm no foul if you get it right they will might even appreciate the fact that you recognize them and okay maybe you talk to them for 30 minutes and you forgot but it's better than trying to play it cool and getting it wrong same thing with names if you forget someone's name oh I'm sorry what was your name again David got it David repeat it back to yourself a couple times and remember at this time it goes a long long way and the fifth one there's a large category of these but it goes something like can I buy you a drink or can I buy you a cup of coffee it's any sort of material exchange in that first impression in exchange for that person's time I've never had someone at a bar female ask to buy me a drink but I have had people from charisma on command who are maybe fans are wanting to do business ask to buy me a cup of coffee and I can tell you the psychology that goes on here which is very much under the radar is that you instantly go into exchange mode because what they have offered is a material good and now I'm not evaluating this person on if I enjoy their conversation or if their phone are interesting I'm thinking oh wow they want to purchase my time in exchange for a five-dollar cup of coffee that doesn't really feel like a good deal and even if it's someone that I might have felt neutral about I begin to assume that that is they take because they have to give me a cup of coffee in order to get it same thing if you're purchasing someone's three minutes at the bar by buying them a drink it's not a strong way to make a first impression because you are essentially buying their time believe it or not much stronger is to not buy them anything so if you said to me better would be would you like to chat over a cup of coffee I don't really drink coffee so I might suggest something else but I would feel more comfortable with that because now it's not an exchange of material good for something that you have I'm evaluating you as a person do I enjoy this person's company might be an interesting conversation they don't have to give me anything so I can view them in their totality and I'm more likely to say yes now if you want to go above and beyond you don't have to do this with me if we ever meet but with that person and they do come out just buy them the cup of coffee or the drink anyway don't ask permission just do it this makes such a better first impression on that person because it is not expected it is a surprise and it hits so much harder so again higher level principle here do not purchase someone's time don't offer them anything menial for it ask them to exchange you know a fun interaction or an interesting interaction or a useful business idea and if there is lunch and you want to you could pick up the tab as well to really make a killer first impression that that part isn't necessary so I hope that you guys have found this video useful these are 5 things to not do if you want to know all the things that you can do to make a killer first impression to feel more confident and to carry on excellent conversation check out our course charisma University so I mentioned this day one is being better than fine but the entire course is a 30 day course that you do over 6 weeks that helps you to build the habits that make you feel more charismatic and confident so that you nail first impressions every single time walk around feeling a confidence and charisma that just emanates from you naturally because you've built these habits over the 30 days so if you want to check that course out and all the breakdowns and all the good stuff that is in there go ahead click the link in the description below or the one on screen here I think this course is amazing it's the best thing I've ever done and I'm continually updating it the whole studies getting a redesign so I'm very very proud to share it with you today so I hope that you guys decide to check that out if you haven't done so yet make sure to subscribe to the channel hit that notification bell and I look forward to seeing you in the next video

Channel: Charisma on Command

Views: 1,861,519

Rating: 4.9317632 out of 5

Keywords: charisma on command, charismaoncommand, self development, personal development, first impressions, self confidence, how to, social skills, how to be more confident, self improvement, psychology, self help, charisma on command confidence, persuasion, how to be persuasive, how to make a good first impression, persuasion techniques, self development videos, confidence, charisma, how to be charismatic, how to become confident, how to make friends, Life advice, Charlie Houpert, CoC

Id: 5xzEgqoSdfQ

Length: 8min 13sec (493 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 25 2019