How To Be More Loving

perhaps the finest way to develop a loving attitude towards other people is to recall in the face of their difficulty that we are in the end all children the claim is an odd one adults are clearly not children they have powers of reasoning that quite outstrip those of younger people they have options and a sound grasp of right and wrong they are capable of causing serious damage they should know better children on the other hand are well known for their powers to melt our hearts partly this has to do with their physical appearance with their unusually large eyes their full cheeks their unthreatening statures their tiny fat fleshy fingers but ultimately the child attracts our tenderness because when they act in bad or tricky ways it tends to be easy to work out why they have done so they hit their little sister because they were feeling left out they started to steal things from other children because their parents were going through a divorce they ran away from the party without saying goodbye because they were panicked by a sense of unworthiness overall when it comes to the psychology of children we discover a surprising and hugely gentle truth that badness and difficulty are invariably the result of some form of pain discomfort hurt or wound the child does not start by being dreadful they become so in response to injury fear or sorrow with adults on the other hand confronted by nasty or terrible behavior our thoughts do not for understandable reasons generally turn to imagining why it might have occurred we're satisfied with nimble and compressed reasons because they're an because they're crazy this will do for now and yet it is always open to us to wonder why someone acted as they did and here we are liable to stumble on an always provocative and properly revolutionary idea the reason why little children and big people do wrong is despite the differences in age and size exactly the same one category may be no bigger than a chair the other can be gigantic and able to carry guns post lengthy screeds online or start and bankrupt companies but in the end the psychology of blunder meanness and anger is always the same evil is a consequence of injury the big person did not start off evil their difficult sides were not hardwired from the start they grew towards malice on account of some form of wound waiting to be discovered it is the work of extraordinary patience and humanity it is the work of love to go in search of what these wounds might be to search is morally frightening because we too easily imagine that it might require us to wind up thinking well of behaviour we know is abhorrent it doesn't at all we can remain appalled while simultaneously tracing a path back to the true catalytic factors the work can also be practically frightening because we imagine that it might require us to leave someone at liberty to cause us and others more pain but again we can keep the wrongdoer safely behind very high bars even as we sensitively explore the origins of their violations once the full stories of our trespasses become known our perspective may swiftly rework itself the bully who pursued us online had once worked as a porter then been fired some years back and fallen into depression and was facing the bankruptcy courts the angry populist politician was remorselessly belittled by a powerful father the sexually impulsive person used their addiction to calm themselves down from some unmasterable anxieties related to early emotional neglect our judgment on behaviour never has to change our sense of why it occurred can be transformed the discipline of psychotherapy has been central in helping us to chart the sometimes unobvious or contrary connections between a symptom and its genesis boastfulness may have its roots in fear anger can mask terror hatred can be a defense against love the haughty heir of the grown-up can take hold as a way of compensating for invisibility a satirical manner can be a shield against an exiled longing for sweetness the prison system in most countries tends to place people below the age of 18 in separate young offenders institutions which treat inmates with a degree of kindness and hope in order to delve into the psychology of transgression with a view to understanding and overcoming its causes but after this age for the most part prisoners are locked up in bare cells and the key is metaphorically thrown away they should after all have known better and yet we are all as it were young offenders however old we might actually be in other words we all need our crimes to be treated with a degree of sympathy and empathetic investigation it is an exquisite feat of mind to be able to imagine them as always still at some level infants in a cradle connect is a card game to foster connection and closeness with 100 questions that help couples to rekindle affection you

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 765,562

Keywords: the school of life, schooloflife, education, relationships, alain de botton, philosophy, talk, self, improvement, big questions, love, wellness, mindfullness, psychology, how, to, hack, how to be more loving, the school of life love, self love, the school of life breakup, अधिक प्यार कैसे करें, Cómo ser más amorosa, 如何更有爱心, love island, couple, couple goals, health science

Id: pmVEwOogUKo

Length: 6min 55sec (415 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 01 2021