Are You Difficult to Love?

the idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even appoints offensive yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long term there are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don't at regular intervals suspect they might be so we are all of us invariably hugely tricky characters we don't need to know anyone in particular to know this about everyone we have all in some way or another being in adequately parented we have a panoply of unfortunate psychological traits we're beset by bad habits we're anxious jealous ill-tempered and vain we are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else's life by agreeing to be that partner we tend to be shielded from this unwelcome news prior to a big relationship through a mixture of sentimentality and neglect our parents loved us too much to tell us our friends don't want to get bogged down in detailed critiques of our personalities a pleasant occasional meal is all they want from us and our exes were too keen to escape from us to offer up a helpfully detailed critique of our personalities they simply told us they needed a little bit more space or needed to take a long trip to India furthermore when we're on our own we just don't notice how annoying we might well be in the eyes of others perhaps we were in a sulk for the whole of Sunday but no one was there to be driven crazy by our self-pity and are passive fury we may have tendencies to use our work as an escape from intimacy but so long as we're not permanently with someone we can pass off our eccentric hours without comment are peculiar eating habits won't be real until there is another person across the table to register on challenging chewing sounds and ingredient combinations eventually a partner will call us out on these traits it feels like a horrible personal attack which a nicer person wouldn't put us through it's no such thing it's an inevitable response to our failings which anyone would need eventually to bring up our partner is not really doing anything odd they're merely holding up a mirror everyone's seen close up has an appalling amount wrong with their characters it's not us it's the human condition the specifics vary hugely of course people in nightmarish in different ways but the basic point is there whatever we think or feel about ourselves we will be revealed as sorely defective upon close-up prolonged inspection sadly it's not that our partner is being too critical or unusually demanding they are the bearer of an inevitable bit of bad news but we are a nightmare being asked to acknowledge ones floors isn't a request to admit something very strange what would be strange would be to think that one was without major defects of course we have some delightful qualities as well but it does mean that we are unavoidably going to be very hard for another person to live around we need therefore to ask ourselves in as candid a manner as we can manage what specifically might be slightly crazy or desperate or undeveloped in our characters maturity involves having quite a detailed answer to the question how are you difficult to live with a presumption of one's own innocence is at the heart of self-righteousness and cruelty because our minds make a blank at this point and remember only our tender and beautiful sides we should lean on a set of prompts for example when I'm annoyed I have a tendency to when I feel hurt I when I'm tired I around money I can be a bit difficult because I guess I worry really quite a lot about I suppose I might be a bit of a handful around sex because the point of prompting greater awareness of our questionable patterns of behavior isn't to feel guilty or ashamed about them just to see how easily they could be confusing disturbing and annoying to another person we need before we commit ourselves to a relationship to get fully acquainted with all the ways in which we are going to be a serious challenge to live around our relationship reboot cards inspire conversations that can help to rekindle love between you and your partner you

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 2,517,535

Keywords: the school of life, schooloflife, education, relationships, alain de botton, philosophy, talk, self, improvement, big questions, love, wellness, mindfullness, psychology, how, to, hack, am i a difficult person, i am a difficult man, how to be more lovable, how to be more loved, PL-RELATIONSHIPS, single, why can't i get a date with a girl, why can't i get a date online, 你很难爱吗？, ¿Eres difícil de amar?, क्या आपको प्यार करना मुश्किल है?

Id: UewdiBh_52U

Length: 5min 6sec (306 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 01 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/RIPVector]

yep, absolutely, but the people in my life love me because I'm like that ! :)