How to Be Instantly Irresistible

thanks for watching a.m. Northwest with results from a massive research experiment in our human behavior lab our first guest says she can teach us how to be more likeable we welcome back the author of human lie detection and body language 101 Vanessa van Edwards good to see you happy to be here how can you teach us to be more irresistible more likeable so you know I'm obsessed with this topic I love memorable people charisma and I'm sitting one day every day at lunch I watch a TED talk and TED Talks they bring out the best speakers together from around the world and they speak on ideas so I'm sitting at lunch and I research leadership and up pops two talks with coming out the same day of the same month of the same year with similar titles but one has 40,000 views and one has 20 million whoa and I look at these talks I'm like why what's the difference between a memorable talk or memorable person and an honorable talk so we decided to study it we coded hundreds of hours of TED Talks looking for patterns differences between the most popular the least popular and we found five different patterns oh that makes it predictable okay sorry teacher yes okay so the first one was we found very surprising we asked participants to rank these tops on three areas charisma credibility and intelligence but here was the key some of the participants got to watch the entire talk with sound and some of the poor participants had to watch the talk with no sound at all well that doesn't seem right yes so what we were testing was this principle this idea that nonverbal ways more it matters more than verbal so the only way to do that I felt bad these participants they had to watch this talk and guess right we found there was no difference between the ratings of people who had watch the talk with sound and people who watched the talk on mute Wow which is crazy now I think this is good news right we think we worry so much about what we're gonna say right but actually people decide if they're going to like you if they're going to think of you as charismatic or think of you as smart and it has very little to do with what you actually say and the second part of this is it happened instantly and this is where this instant likeability comes in so non-verbally they can judge you or like you within seconds within seconds so we another the next trial we had people watch the entire talk and just the first seven seconds and that seven seconds is really important research has found that we do thin slicing we look at someone in the first few seconds and we decide you know is this person someone I can trust is this person someone who could lead and the ratings did not change so we decide if we like someone if we're going to buy from them if we trust them within the first seven seconds so all you have to worry about is that that first impression as first you know what do you suggest that we do then in the first seven seconds so here is what we found there was a distinct difference between the first seven seconds of the most popular TED Talks and least popular the first one we noticed was that hand gestures mattered a lot for charisma and likeability oh so in the top TED Talks in 18 minutes speakers make an average of four hundred and sixty five hand gestures now that's I mean that's a lot it's a lot and by the way our poor coders had to count every single line oh yes we love them we love them so the bottom TED talkers in 18 minutes make 272 hand gestures that's almost half the reason why this survey a lot of people avoid making hand gestures thinking that it's the wrong thing to do yeah they'll put them in their lap under a desk actually our hands show intention and explanation so the best TED talker is they all do the same thing and notice they come up on stage and they're like I have a big idea I want to talk to you about three things that are gonna change your life I'll take a cue the brain goes yeah yeah like the rain loves it and so hand gestures if you're thinking about your elevator pitch what I want you to think about is how can you non-verbally explained along with your words when I'm thinking about these segments I'm also think about that so hand gesture okay not jazz hands right purposeful hand gesture all right so the second one we found a little bit harder it was Volkl charisma so when you notice a speaker has scripted their talk so if someone says to you whether they have the most interesting job in the world oh I'm an FBI hostage negotiator doesn't sound great I'm very exciting so that vocal cord Obi I'd be all over I mean job ready let me do but it took it took you a second to go oh is this good yeah or bad so even though you said your elevator pitch what do you do a million times say it like you've never said it for because your energy is the cue for other people to decide how exciting is it Steven like where are you from I'm from Portland instead of from Portland right right this is why I don't understand the fascination with the Kardashian clan because there are boys and their guns like how does anyone really find them interesting okay loving everything maybe they're a train wreck and so we also like to watch train wreck good point right it also makes us feel better than them yeah way more charismatic exactly the last one is to make sure that I'm non-verbally speaking what you want to be able to do is hand gestures vocal variety and then you also want to smile now I know that we hear this a lot so let me let me preface it this was actually a surprise to us leaders typically smile less oh so we were expecting the opposite right but we found was is there was a sweet spot of 14 seconds so even in the most serious talks the most charismatic intelligent leaders they found something to smile about and so what I encourage you to do is if you're genuinely happy about something right finding that authentic happiness that real smile is way better than a fake or for so sure so that smile actually does help your intelligence ratings which is a real surprise to us in the lab we did not expect to find that that is absolutely all of those things make me want to try it all all of it all of them Vanessa thank you very much body language human lie detection and body language 101 we'll put information on our website at k2 calm always really fun thank you thank you do you love this video then give us some love in the comments like this video and subscribe to our Channel

Channel: Vanessa Van Edwards

Views: 1,272,922

Rating: 4.941793 out of 5

Keywords: memorable, charisma, likability, how to, irresistible, vanessa van edwards, how to be irresistible, tips, how to be charismatic, body language, how to be likeable, science of people, charismatic people, ted talk body language, ted talks leadership, ted talks confience, influence, first impression, first impressions ted talk, first impression tips, science of likability, body language influence

Id: wmlzri690-0

Length: 6min 8sec (368 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 19 2016