14 Social Skills to Help You Win in Life

full disclosure one thing I've never been naturally good at as a recovering awkward person is social skills social skills the tools we use to communicate relate and build relationships now what's interesting is as a researcher as someone who's obsessed with science I always wanted to know are there different types of social skills so in this video I look at the 14 different types of social skills and I think everyone has a top two or three that they're really good at and a bottom two or three they've always wanted to work on or they have to cover up and hide so in this video I'm going to go through all 14 of those social skills you're gonna rate and rank yourself on those social skills and we're gonna find our top three and our bottom three let's get started [Music] the first social skill is linchpin if you are a linchpin you would say yes to the following statements I am the glue that holds my social group together as a team member I'm involved in lots of projects and bring ideas and people together I am the only person who talks to everyone in my family and keeps people in the know so if you said yes to all three of these statements or two out of three of these statements you are probably a lynchpin so lynchpin is a specific kind of social skill you are a gatherer you gather ideas and people you bring people together you're like a social glue what's really great about you is typically you're a bridge so you keep groups companies teams families feeling like their relationships are strong and glue is a really really great social skill to have social skill number two conversationalist conversationalist would say yes to the following statements you have been told you are a great conversationalist you are good at both leading and facilitating deep discussions you speak articulately and can easily express yourself so you know if you have the gift of gab conversationalist just a first up for life this is not my skill clearly they ever lit lit oh sorry they ever lit okay conversationalist Ifrah lit okay this is not my social skill okay conversationalist easily make conversation with anyone they are really good at small talk they can chat with their boss they can chat with the guy behind the counter they are really really good at easily making conversation and typically you get in long long overnight discussions you hop on a phone call that ends up being two hours of deep talk where people share their deepest darkest secrets being a great conversationalist is actually a specific social skill it's different than a Lynch it's different the other things we're gonna learn it means you have the gift of gab and you should set yourself up to be a great conversationalist whether that's a listener or a facilitator of deep discussion social skill number three comedian comedians would say yes to the following statements I am funny I love to make people laugh I can always see the bright side of any situation you have probably met a comedian and you remember them for being hysterically funny the interesting thing is as a social skill being funny holds its own you might be really funny but not be great at conversation you might be really funny but not be social glue or a linchpin you might be really funny but not be good at decoding body language being funny is a very specific social skill it's great for presenting meetings hosts you're also good at making people feel at ease the nice thing is is you can actually work on how to be funny we have a whole guide on our website with all these social skills you can work on them but I love the how to be funny one because it's one that people don't often think of social skill number four speaker speakers would say yes to the following statements I can captivate an audience I love being on stage or leading a meeting even on video I love writing speeches giving toasts and giving presentations if you said yes to all these three you are a speaker that is a great social skill to have well we don't realize as we are speaking all the time we're speaking on stages we're speaking on video meetings we're speaking when we give a toast anytime you're giving directions or a statement or a story to more than two or three people you're speaking this is a great one to work on if you don't have this social skill social skill number five influencer influencers would say yes to the following statements people typically listen to what I have to say I can be very persuasive I am good at pitching myself influencing is a really helpful social skill to have in business it means people listen to you you can pitch your ideas you have no problem talking about who you are and what you do it also means that you can bring people to your point of view so you're good at clearly expressing an idea and convincing people that they should agree with you luckily an influencer is another social skill we can absolutely work on and I highly recommend it if you're in sales marketing or working with big teams social skill number six listener listeners would say yes to the following statements people always come to you to vent complain or talk about their problems you tend to listen more than you talk you are very good at being fully present with people and giving them your full attention so listening is one of my bottom social skills I have to work on it really hard and that's because I am a high neurotic I tend to worry and I'm always so worried there's going to be an awkward silence so the moment there's any kind of break I try to hop in make sure people are ok make sure they're feeling alright share a funny story or anecdote because I'm worried that they're not having a good time or there's gonna be an awkward silence to help myself with this skill a couple years ago I took a vow of silence you might remember it if you follow me on social media where I was silent no writing no talking for an entire eight-day period and I did all my normal things I went to meetings networking events just to learn how to be a better listener it was an incredible experience and I highly recommend it if you want to work on this social skill social skill number seven magnet magnets would say yes to the following statements people usually like you you are charismatic and authentic people find you approachable and warm okay so I'm totally obsessed with magnets if this is your social skill I love meeting you I would love to hear from you magnets are these very rare special people very few people have this social skill they're just attractors people want to meet them they want to get to know them the moment they walk into a room people are just drawn to them I wrote an entire book about Matt captivate is my study of different magnets who have this natural social skill and how people who don't have this social skill can learn it so if you want to be a magnet highly recommend TechNet captivate if you haven't already social skill number eight storyteller storytellers would say yes the following statements I always have a story to share I save and remember good stories people always ask me to give toasts or introduce people storytelling is a very specific social skill it's different than being funny it's different than being a good conversationalist we often lump storytelling and being a conversationalist and humor into the same social skill but they're actually different you can be an exceptional storyteller but not very good at it chat you can be an exceptional story and not very good at being funny or having a good timing with jokes the reason why I point this out is because if you're a good storyteller you should leverage and strengthen that as much as possible put yourself in positions where you're telling a lot of stories or if you're a good storyteller your toasts your presentations your speeches should be focused on stories more than anything else so if you're not a good speaker but you are a good storyteller you can use this social skill to leverage the other social skills that you're a little bit weaker in social skill number nine nurturer nurturers would say yes to the following statements you love taking care of people you tend to be a people pleaser and have trouble saying no you're very empathetic and compassionate so I love nurturers we love to have them in our life because they take care of us nurturing empathy compassion is a very specific social skill when you are a nurturer I found that these folks you cannot help it you want to nurture everyone on everything you're always worried about others more than yourself the danger this is your skill this is your top skill you probably have trouble saying no you probably have trouble setting boundaries and you might have difficult or toxic people in your life that you have trouble getting rid of so for this social skill I want to make sure if this is you you protect yourself social skill number 10 decoder decoders would say yes to the following statements I am very perceptive I can usually tell what people are thinking and feeling I'm very good at decoding body language if you said yes to this you're a decoder decoders are sleuths you're super perceptive you're typically good at reading between the lines someone might say something but you notice a facial expression or a nonverbal tick decoders are typically very very accurate at reading people at spotting lies as behind deception I studied decoders so much for my lie detection course that is because there's a very small portion of the population called truth Wizards truth Wizards are naturally good at spotting lies above average above average than chance they're just very good at spotting out any kind of inaccuracies the good news is you can absolutely work on your decoding ability I highly recommend chanting at checking out our facial expression guide where you can learn the seven universal micro expressions that science of people calm slash face social skill number eleven leader leaders would say yes to the following statements I like to empower others people often come to me for guidance I am better at giving directions than following directions the interesting thing about leadership is it's different than the influence social skill so influencers you're good at getting people to listen to you you're good at pitching your ideas you're getting good at convincing people but you might not necessarily be leaving a team you might not necessarily be leading by taking the pulse of a group leaders typically are good influencing but they're even better at seeing an entire team or a family or a baseball team or a group taking the pulse of that group and trying to guide to one direction they can get lots of people to agree with the same idea or go in the same direction or follow directions that's a little bit different than influence but I wouldn't be surprised if you were good at both leadership and influence at the same time that means you're really set up to be a great leader social skill number twelve connector connectors would say yes to the following statements I spend a lot of time and effort networking with others I am good at building relationships with influential people I've developed a large network of colleagues and associates whom I can call on for support when I really need to get things done we desperately need connectors so connectors specifically are good at understanding who should know who you also are very good at building a very robust network that you can rely on you're good at reaching out to people relying on them getting social support connecting is a specific kind of social skill most people combine being a magnet and being a connector they're actually different magnets attract people to themselves connectors bring people together social skill number 13 dream builder dream builders would say yes to the following statements you are great at solving people's problems you love to encourage people you're known as a fixer so I love dream builders dream builders are often cheerleader types so they're really positive really optimistic you're really good at encouraging and appreciating people or you're a fixer you're a solver you're good at getting to the heart of the problem you're good at mediating you're good at facilitating people come to you to solve things and those are two typically different kinds typically but not always I noticed that fixers tend to be males of this version and cheerleaders tend to be females of this social skill social skill 14 chameleons chameleons would say yes to the following statements you can get along with anyone you are a floater socially or professionally you have a variety of friends and interests so if you're a chameleon you are great at adapting yourself in fact I saved chameleon as the very last social skill because you're probably the person who has a little bit of everything if you said to if you answered yes to two of every single one you could be a chameleon that means you're very high in all of them you don't specialize in one special thing chameleons are great because they're super adaptive they can fit into almost any group of people and they're really really valuable on teams here's my goal with this video I want you to think of social skills differently not all social skills are created equal people often think oh if I'm gonna do a social skills training or I'm gonna get better at social skills or I'm gonna be more likable that's one skill but actually there are 14 different ways that we can be likeable and authentic and charismatic you can have someone who's a very charismatic listener where they don't talk a lot they're great at being empathetic and compassionate maybe there are two social skills are listening and nurturing versus you can have someone who's very charismatic who's a great storyteller a great comedian and a great influencer and they're always the life of the party they're always running conversations they're always sharing really funny things those are two different kinds of charisma but both of those people are charismatic my goal for this is for you to think about how you are charismatic what is your flavor of charisma and work on honing those skills remember if you want to really level up these skills I have an entire online course about this called people school it is 12 of these social skills in depth in action we actually work through them I give you frameworks and case studies you come into people school with one big goal and I help you achieve it I hope you'll consider joining me in my next class of people school or start with captivate if you haven't already thanks so much for watching are you to your full potential do you want more I would love to help you get started with my free training and learn more about people school today visit science of people calm / peaceful it is effortlessly effortless effortlessly they can effortless they can they can effortlessly I did it oh my gosh you did it they can effortlessly go into conversation I did it I can say that word

Channel: Vanessa Van Edwards

Views: 72,508

Rating: 4.9228258 out of 5

Keywords: vanessa van edwards, science of people, communication, nonverbal communication, verbal communication, Social skills, social skill, social strength, social skills training, social skills training for adults

Id: 4nm3vgg8k-0

Length: 15min 39sec (939 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 23 2020