How To Be Drama-Free

hi everybody welcome to your move I'm Andy Stanley and today I'm gonna teach you how to do something that you don't know how to do that you think you know how to do and once you learn how to do it you'll be glad that you know cystogram [Music] let's talk about how to be drama-free so how do you be drama-free first of all we need to define the term and then we need to look at a distinction the first term we need to define when it comes to living a drama-free life is the word guess what what's the word drama thank you so here's the definition of drama in case you didn't know an exciting emotional or unexpected series of events or stead of circumstances that's like the worst definition this is the dictionary definition of drama and when we think drama when you think your drama when you think middle school drama high school drama college drama single drama first marriage drama second marriage drama in between Mary do you think this isn't what you think so I went to the the fountain of all truth urban dictionary and looked up the definition of drama but before I show it to you ladies okay here we go here's the I didn't make this up okay I'm not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing I'm just gonna show you a better definition of drama and if nothing else if nothing else you are paying attention so here is the urban dictionary definition of drama it's kind of long here we go something women and especially teenage girls thrive on that's this just the beginning okay ladies it gets worse okay but let's be honest okay us guys we are not drama-free we just expressed it in different ways we have our own drama right ladies come on ladies don't we have our own drama that's right Amen okay so here we go it's something women and especially teenage girls thrive on consisting of any number of situations that have an easy solution which would bring a fairly good outcome but but these girls choose another bad way to deal with it again consisting a backstabbing blackmailing gossiping and betraying their friends but we're not done because now whichever one of you created this definition that's what's so great about urban dictionary everybody can play okay somebody came along and gave an example for example I want to break up with him but still love him it drives men and normal girls nuts how many normal girls do we have in the room tonight yeah the normal girls yeah okay so that's a way better definition of drama so we all got a picture we talk about drama that's what we're talking about okay it's just that crazy crazy crazy thing that we get sucked into we get dragged into we find ourselves saying how in the world that I get in the middle of this I'm why in the world that I say that why did I bring that up why did I invite her why did I go home for Christmas I should have spent Christmas alone right and that brings us to a very important distinction there's two kinds of drama there's unavoidable drama and there's avoidable drama now unavoidable drama is all we know this unavoidable drama is all things family right it's unavoidable because they're your family now when I was preparing to talk to you all about this I I thought I should this is a good time in the you know the top to tell the story about drama unavoidable drama in my personal life but I can't because all these people are still living right and they're recording this but I'm telling you if you think you got drama yes you do I got drama how about you i everybody has family drama where there's navigating Christmas navigating Thanksgiving navigating dinner navigating or you know you know who's coming and who's leaving and make sure they're gone you know everybody when it comes to family this is not avoidable so for the rest of our time together we're not going to talk about the unavoidable drama it's unavoidable but here's the thing because there is drama you can't avoid we need to do everything we can to avoid the avoidable drama so the avoidable drama is like boyfriend drama and girlfriend and drama and in some cases money drama and job drama and friends drama and schedule drama and the interesting thing and what we're gonna kind of drill down than our time together this is going to be fun is that the answer to the question the answer to the question how to be drama free is actually another question the answer to the question how can I be drama free how can I at least get rid of the avoidable drama so I have more capacity to deal with the unavoidable drama the answer to the question how can I be drama free is actually another question it is it is my favorite question in fact I think it's the best question ever it's so extraordinary clarifying that when we get to the end some of you are gonna push back and say well I'm not gonna ask that question and the reason you're not going to ask that question is because it's so clarifying you don't like to answer and I get that that's why I love this question because it just brings a spotlight to everything and all of us in just about every situation and if you'll ask this question I promise you you will make better decisions you will have fewer regrets and you'll have a whole lot less drama now here's the great thing about this question that helps us answer the question how to be drama free this isn't a Christian question so if you're not a religious person this is perfect if you're not like a Jesus person Bible person hey this is this is a great time to be watching it because this is a question that all of us can ask but the cool thing is I discovered this question in the New Testament and if you'll begin to ask this question I promise your future will thank you your future will thank you now I said I found it in the New Testament you know the Bible is a fascinating book it's an interesting interesting book and it's a comp kated book but the right half of your Bible the part where God makes a covenant with the world with all of us there are letters and most of you know most of those letters were written by a guy who was not a Christian as until he was later to later in life his name was Paul we call him the Apostle Paul because he was an apostle because he followed Jesus now Paul um you may know I'm hated Christians his goal in life was to put the church out of business and he became a Jesus follower and an apologist want somebody who argued vehemently for the fact that Jesus was in fact the Son of God and he wrote letters to Christians and all these places where he planted churches so in one of these letters to a group of Christians living in Ephesus okay living in Ephesus that he wrote him a letter and that letter was preserved and in this letter he gives us sort of breadcrumbs to lead us to this fabulous question that if you'll ask it consistently better decisions fewer regrets and a whole lot less drama so we're gonna discover the question together in the New Testament book of Ephesians chapter 5 here's what he writes he says be very careful then we're kind of coming into the middle of the conversation be very careful then how you live or in some translations that says walk and the word really is walk but he means walk or live be very careful how you live your life be careful you know pay attention um don't be careless that's the opposite of careful is careless don't be careless you know pay attention you know pay attention what's going on be very careful then how you live not as here's our clue not as unwise look at this contrast but as wise he says I don't want you to live unwisely I want you to live wise I don't want you to be unwise I want you to be wise know what is a wise person what does it mean to walk carefully or to live wisely here's what it means wise people wise people understand this is huge wise people understand that life is connected wise people understand the cause and effect of life wise people understand this that my present will one day be my past which will show up in my future that my present will eventually be my past which will show up in my future wise people understand that wise people understand that life is connected there are no isolated relationships there are no isolated events there are no ISIL elated decisions this is why Paul says I don't want you to live as an unwise person an unwise person thinks that today is today and tomorrow's tomorrow and then you know these are two unconnected connected dots that when you wake up in the morning you're completely disconnected from everything in the past this is why some of you thought I'm gonna do this until I get married or I'm gonna do this until I got out of high school or I'm gonna do this till I get out of college and then you got out of high school you got out of college you got married and you just couldn't quit doing it because somehow you thought that life is disconnected that you just flip a switch and everything changes wise people know better this is why he says I want you to live wisely I want you to walk wisely I want you to be careful eyes wide open looking ahead connecting the dots then he says something even more fascinating you know what does this look like he says making the most of every opportunity and the English word opportunity is actually from the Greek word that means time in fact the literal translation of this phrase is redeeming the time if I there there are New Testament English New Testaments that even translated that way redeeming the time that opportunity is time and you know this time is your life that's all your life is your life is time and so he says if you're gonna walk wisely if you're gonna be wise I want you to be very careful how you spend your time I want you to view time this is such a powerful idea I want you to view time I want you to view time as currency that's why the phrase redeem the time we don't think about redeeming time we think about redeeming a couponer we think about redeeming cash he says I want you to redeem the time I want you to begin thinking about your time as if it's currency which means two things it's limited and it's valuable I want you to think about your time like currency it's limited and it's valuable in other words when it comes to your time I want you to invest it don't just spend it now some of you you're a great example of this some of you are like picture-perfect when it comes to this because you have taken your discretionary time instead of just wasting it you have begun to invest it so let me just give you a tip about your time okay I'm a little bit older than many of you or most of you big tip okay if you do important things you will meet important people who are doing important things when it comes to your discretionary time if you want to walk wisely if you want to be wise with your time that is you want to connect the dots and make things every we live as if life is connected listen to me if you will do important things you will meet important people who are doing important things now you say if I do an important what's an important thing anything that's not about you is important anything you do that's not about you is important and you know what you'll do when you do important things you'll meet other people who are doing things that are not about them those are important people you become important by doing important things you think no I know that you don't become important by doing the port you're important and then you do important that's wrong you do important things and you become important and you find other people who are important so if you would like to block wisely one of the best things you can do is find something important to do with your discretionary time that's living a connected life that's living as if everything today becomes the past that ultimately shows up in our future and here's what you're going to find about people who doing important things they are almost drama-free because when you do important things you have very little tolerance for things that are just all about the drama right he goes on he says this now he gives us a reason why we need to walk wisely why we need to be careful why we need to redeem the time because and this is kind of an interesting phrase because the days are evil now he's talking about culture and when I say culture you think our culture but I want to tell you our culture is nothing compared to his culture his cultures first-century culture and this is hard for us to believe not I want to get graphic but I want you to understand that you know he knows what he's talking about because when when you and I think about the old days we think about the good old days where everything was in black and white and skirts were long and everybody wore all their clothes nobody said bad words on TV okay these are like the really really really old days when the Apostle Paul wrote this he wrote to a Greek and Roman culture and Greek and Roman culture and when it came to religion there was no morality and there were no ethics associated with religion an ancient religion there was not even right and wrong in ancient religion you just sacrifice to the gods occasionally to keep the gods happy and then you did whatever you wanted to now one of the things that we were unaware of because we grew up in this culture is that we have a very even if you're not a Christian and this isn't a dig at all this is just an observation we have by comparison a very kind of Christianized culture that there is a sense of dignity and right and wrong and you shouldn't mistreat children and you shouldn't mistreat you know minorities and you miss in mystery women and you shouldn't mistreat anybody and everybody you know we have this sense of fairness and equality which is a powerful powerful wonderful thing we think slavery is of Hornet I mean we can't we think you know sexual abuse is abhorrent I mean that our conscience is are very very fine-tuned really to a Christian ethic whether you're a Christian or not and I say that because compared to the culture that the Apostle Paul was writing in they had none of that they didn't even name children until they were sure they would live and if the children were sick they just set him down by the river and just wouldn't had other children and nobody felt guilty about this the gods could care less so to this very very pagan culture he says that you are living in evil days that is the current of the culture is not going to take you in a positive direction but what's interesting about what he said about their culture to some degree as we know it's true of our culture listen that cultures undertow won't take you where you want to go right that cultures undertow is gonna say cultures flow but it's more than a flow there is in our culture as in Paul's culture there's an undertow when I say culture I'm just talking about the way things are that in every culture in his culture in an our culture there is a current there is an undertow and if you give in to culture you will not end up where you want to go we all know that and the interesting thing is in every cultures and certainly in our American culture the undertow first impacts our relationships our sexual relationships and our finances that relationally sexually and financially if you go with the flow of culture you pay price everybody knows as all of us have a story this is why 90% of your drama 90% of your drama is related to something relational sexual or financial 90% of your drama is related to something relational sexual or financial so the Apostle Paul wraps it up he says this he says therefore in other words in light of all that everything I've said so far therefore therefore therefore he says now he gives us a command do not be foolish the opposite of wisdom do not be foolish and then this is a really strange command this is in the Greek language this is an imperative and he says understand what the Lord's will is or understand the will of the Lord this is kind of weird because you can't command somebody to understand something well the Apostle Paul is getting at this is such a big deal what he's getting at is this he's saying I want you to own up to I want you to acknowledge I want you to face up to what you in what in your heart you already know I want you not to be foolish but to face up to what the will of the Lord is I want you to acknowledge it admit it own up to it own up to what God wants for you no more games no more pretending no more excuses I want you to walk wisely I want you to redeem your time I want you to be careful how you walk I want you to live a connected life where you realize that today is gonna be the past that's gonna show up for the future and quit playing games I want you to face up to what you know in your heart is God's will for you now if you're not religious that's okay because this applies to you too this is what I would say to you therefore don't be foolish just a face up to what you know is right and face up to what you know is right for you and face up to the fact that you kind of you know deceives the person in the mirror because the easiest person in the world to deceive is the person in the mirror so the Apostle Paul is saying look to me and to you to all of us stop fooling yourself and let's face up to the fact that life is connected and your decisions today are going to be the paths that are going to show up in the future walk like a wise person live like a wise person so put the whole thing together here's what he says be very careful then how you live not as unwise but as wise making the most of every opportunity why because the days are evil therefore because of all that light of all that do not be foolish but understand face up to acknowledge what you know God's will is for you so if you want to be drama-free when it comes to the drama that you can avoid you have to use the Apostle Paul's words you have to walk wisely and the best way to incorporate that into your life is to ask this question I think brings more clarity than any other question and the question is simply this what's the wise thing to do of every opportunity of every invitation of every opportunity and of every invitation you ask the question what is the wise thing to do of every opportunity of every invitation what is the wise Saint in it now this is important not what is the right thing to do and I need to talk about this for just a minute you see the problem with asking what is the right thing to do is simply this in your heart and in my heart I want to get as close to wrong as I can possibly get without being wrong to put it in my Christian terms I want to get as close to sin as I can possibly get without actually sinning I want to get as close to bad as I could possibly be without being bad I want to live on the line now let me tell you something about your world okay listen this is important and this will explain some of your experiences and some of our experiences and we all have the same common experiences culture again this the way the world works culture will bait you to the edge and then mock you when you step over that line just well the culture nothing wrong with nothing wrong with nothing wrong with nothing oh I can't believe you did that what's wrong with you I mean you're set yeah I mean you know it's all right you know just I haven't found out I have a gambling addiction oh you're such a loser gambling addiction you're a loser when I'm not a loser I just went with the guys everybody was doing it and I and I guess yeah but you crossed the line now you're addicted you're a loser you can't come anymore so wait a minute I was just in sigh what did I do well there's just this imaginary line and you know culture is gonna beat you to the line once you step over or you're loser now you can't go this anymore you drink too much you make a fool out of yourself well what do you mean I can't go and try because you make a fool out of yourself but we all go we all drink yeah but you crossed the line you can't go anymore you're a loser wait a minute I was just doing what everybody that's culture bait you to the line you cross over line your loser right I mean this is in everything listen in every area of life there's some imaginary line and culture it's gonna go come on come on come on come on this is why the question is not what is the right thing to do the question is what is the wise thing to do when I used to teach this to teenagers I came in with this little rhyme it goes like this there's good and there's bad but that's not my cue but rather what is the wise thing to do it's cute isn't it you might even remember it there's good and there's bad but that's not my cue but rather what is the wise thing to do drama drama can always be traced back to an unwise decision every single time drama your drama your mama's drama Bahamas Mama's drama everybody's drama drama can always be just you just think about the drama you grew up with think about the drama you're kind of dealing it doesn't begin with necessarily well I did the wrong thing it always begins with an unwise decision in fact all of your regrets and all of your unhealthy habits can be traced back to an unwise decision as well now this is a very this is a fascinating question because it's a three-dimensional question and I want to teach you how to ask it in three ways and we're gonna wrap this up because it has to do with your past your present in your future so you ask you ask this question in a multi-dimensional three-dimensional way and here's one way you ask you you ask you this way in light of my past experience what is the wise thing to do a lot of my past experience what does the wise thing to do and a lot of my past experience okay in light of last time I went in light of last time I called him in light of last time I said yes in light of last time I bought one least one moved in with one in light of the last time I did this and when I think back about how that went in light of my past experience what is the wise thing for me to do not the wise thing for everybody what is the wise thing for me to do listen to this what's fine for the crew may not be fine for you okay what's fine for everybody else may not be fine for you because this is not right and wrong okay drama doesn't begin with it was the wrong thing to do it begins way before that it begins with you know what I had a feeling I shouldn't go I had a feeling I shouldn't call her back I had a feeling I shouldn't show up late I had a feeling it wasn't really the wise thing to do and that was the beginning of all my drama and what may be true and what may be okay for everybody else isn't OK for you because the question is in light of my past experience and my experience didn't like yours and yours didn't like mine in light of my past experience what is the wise thing for me to do and then the second facet is what's going on right now in light of my current circumstances what's the wise thing to do well you know I would go but I just broke up with my boyfriend I don't think that I don't think that's the why I don't think that's a good environment for me right now ok just went through a divorce I just you know what go ahead or that sounds like fun I know and I know but you know for me right now in light of my current circumstances not the wise thing for me to do this is early in this semester I got to get on top of my grades I can't let this drift like I did last semester it's early in the semester this is just not the wise thing for me to do in light of what's going on emotionally in light of what's going on financially in light of what's going on professionally relationally in light of my current circumstances what is the wise thing for me to do now I've been married 27 years almost 28 years and one of the things that Sandra and I learned early in her marriage and I'm so glad we learned this and this applies to to everybody not just married people we just happen to learn it within the context of marriage and it's this little phrase right here no for now but not forever no for now for now for anything listen to look good for some of you there needs to be some things that are a no for now but not forever and the reason we don't say no for now is because we feel like if I say no I'm saying no like I'll never you don't have to say no I'll never but you know what the wise person understands that what I'm doing right now is gonna be my past that's gonna show up in my future so what is the wise thing for me to do a lot of my past experience and my current circumstances maybe I need to say no for now not forever I'm not saying it's bad I'm not saying you shouldn't go I'm not saying you shouldn't call I'm not I'm not telling you what to do and I'm not trying to make you feel bad about what you're doing I'm just saying in light of my current circumstances I think I need to say no for now because I want to walk wisely and the question isn't is it wrong the question isn't is it bad the question isn't is it a sin as a reverse the question is a lot of my past experience in my current circumstances what is the wise thing not for you not for everybody for me to do and then here is what I think is the most powerful facet of all of this three dimensional question in light of my future hopes and dreams and light of my future hopes and dreams in light of where you want to be someday relationally in light of where you want to be someday financially in light of where you want to be one day spiritually in light of where you want to be one day professionally what is the wise thing not for everybody you know to do not for everybody that your roommate not for all of you in light of your specific hopes and dreams what is the wise thing for you to do what story do you want to tell and what do you need to do now to ensure you get to tell that story see how powerful this question is this just eliminates all the drama it just brings so much clarity to every relationship in every decision and here's the thing personal vision I've learned this personal vision is often a catalyst for wise decisions personal vision that is the clearer you are about where you want to be the core clarity you have about the kind of person you want to become the clearer you are about your future the greater motivation you'll have to make wise decisions that a clear vision for your future is often a catalyst for wise decisions because here's what wise people do wise people understand that life is connected that all these dots are connected and the decision I make now will impact my hopes and dreams for tomorrow so before I leave that I just want to kind of give you some bad advice I know I'm not old enough to be everybody's dad but it sounds like that if I saw I'll just call it dad advice so this is so important in case of Lissa I'm gonna look at you right in the eyes okay don't trade your future for someone who's not going to be they're in your future come on don't trade your future for someone that you have a sneaking suspicion is not gonna be in your future let me just say something you you're all old enough to know this okay we're all do enough to know this but we forget it the bad influences in your life are only in your life for two two maybe three years and they're gone this thing about your high school friends your college friends the people that invest in you and the people that you know make you a better you they become friends for life this is just this is just the principal the people that tear you down and undermine your future they are only in your life or maybe two to three years and then they're gone and you're left with the leftovers you're left with the memories you're left with the experiences you're left with the stuff that you got to drag around but the people who make you a better you the people who are walking wisely the people who are doing important things and are becoming important people those are the people that become friends for life so please please please don't trade your future for someone who's not going to be there in the future so in light of my past experiences my past experience a lot of my past experience my current circumstances my future hopes and dreams what is the wise thing to do this is how you create a drama-free life and if you'll ask this consistently your future [Music] [Music]

Channel: Your Move with Andy Stanley

Views: 48,752

Rating: 4.8510346 out of 5

Keywords: Andy Stanley, Your Move with Andy Stanley, Your Move, How to Be Drama-Free, toxic people, toxic friendships, toxic relationships, relationship advice, relationship, signs of a toxic relationship, decisions, choices, emotions, circumstances, middle-school drama, bad decisions, gossip, betraying, backstab, how to stay out of drama, family drama, drama triangle, drama free, how to ignore people, no drama, better decisions, fewer regrets, wisdom

Id: yTxa7U3C-Go

Length: 27min 37sec (1657 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 13 2018