The Secret to Contentment

hey everybody welcome to your move where we help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets I'm Andy Stanley and I'll be your guide and today we're talking about surviving in the land of Earth you know er where everything has to be faster rich or thinner sexier how do you keep up with all that earth maybe you can't but maybe you're not even supposed to that's what we're talking about today right here on your move [Music] so my journey when it comes to learning to be content actually started where most of yours started that you can remember mine started in high school and everybody's looking for their group and their deal and I realized real quickly that even though I was a good kick ball player and our cul-de-sac I was not an athlete in high school so the athletes weren't gonna be my deal and because they weren't my deal and they intimidated me I did not like athletes and then I realized I'm not smart my parents told me I was smart but then in high school I realized my parents lied I am not smart I did not make good grades and I studied hard and everybody would be finished Teddy and I'm like wait a minute we're not done are when they're done and so I'm making C's so I wasn't smart so I didn't like smart kids because I couldn't relate to them I did not I could not play a wind instrument okay if you cannot play a wind instrument high school you cannot be in the band that's right and my parents didn't want me to play the drum so I didn't like the band people they didn't like me so we weren't rich so I didn't like the rich people so basically in high school I didn't really like anybody because I wasn't like anybody and you want to be liked by people you're like and even if you're not like them you'd like to be liked by them so you try to be like them but if you're not like them you're not like them and so this would be this is my first this is my first memories of feeling like an outsider and the thing was I came up with an excuse like like like all of us do right we manufacture reasons not to like people so that we feel better about ourselves because it's easier to come up with five reasons why I don't like them than to admit the fact that well I'm just not smart I'm not athletic I'm not rich I can't play a wind instrument I don't really fit in anywhere so moral of the story is and you know this and I'm just gonna put some words around some stuff that you already know there is always somebody with more her right you know this right there is always someone who is richer who is skinnier who is smart her who is hip her who is more talented her or their girlfriend is prettier or their boyfriend is cute her or their job is better her I mean everywhere you look whatever you want to do whatever you want to be good at whatever you think you're good at and whatever you think you've accomplished there's always somebody with more so what we do or what I did I shouldn't put this on you maybe it's just me what I did is I looked around for people with less so because when I was with people who had less than my earth and I felt superior earth and we all want to feel like we kind of got it going on and we want to feel a little bit superior so this becomes a dynamic that we live with and I don't think it ever goes away and then there's some of us that don't even want to be an ER we want to be a nest we want to be the rich esthe I want to be the smart s you want to be the healthy s you want to be the Q test you want to be the skinny s you want to be the pretty s you want to be the retweeted s okay you are you want to ask right so the moral of the story is the moral of the story is there's just no wind there's never ever ever any wind in comparison you may have heard this before you may have heard me say this before there's just no win in comparison comparison in fact comparison is what puts the disks in disc contentment and discontentment fueled by comparisons we're going to see in a few minutes and as all of us already have a story this isn't new information discontentment fueled by comparison is actually very dangerous okay some of you are working yourself to death some of you are studying yourself to death and what's driving you you tell yourself well I'm just trying to maximize my potential that's a good thing to maximize your potential but unfortunately we're trying to maximize somebody else's potential that doesn't even know we're competing with them and oftentimes we're killing ourselves financially relationally emotionally it goes on and on and on and it's because we live in a world obviously where we know what everybody else has and we know what everybody else drives but this whole comparison thing this will put you at odds with people that you know you'll never be like that you know you'll net you'll never be as much as whatever it is you want to be as that they are as that you just aren't going to be able to measure up to so we do what I did in high school we don't outgrow this we kind of shrink back and we create reasons why they're not okay the problem is they're okay it's just that we're not okay and you find yourself not being able to get along with certain kinds of people who remind you of who you'll never be and what you'll never look and who you'll never marry and what you'll never do in your future they got your job they're living your dream and you're just miserable and then again because of the world we live in and this isn't gonna change so police don't hear me about to give you the solution to this I want to give you a way forward but the thing is this isn't going away and the point of the message isn't that culture is bad and we shouldn't need to abandon society and all come together and you know live in a commune that I mean that's not it's not going away this this is not a problem that can be solved right and then there's this and now we try to get to something practical then there's the whisper I don't know what else to call it you might you might have a better name for this to me there's this whisper that basically just says you need what they have to be respectable acceptable and lovable I mean that's kind of the moral of the culture story right that you need it's a whisper my voice but it's always first in my head you need what they have to be respectable acceptable and lovable and I've been I've lived long enough to know this I will tell you somebody tell you something about they okay let me tell you something about they they whoever they are for you whether it's just images it's people on browsers there's people that you know and they have you know and you need to have it they they actually have the same voice in their head whispering the same thing because no matter what you have or what you've accomplished there's no win in comparison it never leads anywhere in fact the wisest man who ever lived Solomon who had it all that had all been there done that the wisest man who ever lived he just summarized it this way he said this he said he wrote this envy rots the bones Wow that's extreme envy rots the bones so the bottom line for our time together is simply this knock it off okay just stop doing that right if only it were that easy and I wish I can come out here tonight and say let me tell you how this will never affect you again I can't tell you how to make it go away but I do want to tell you how to manage this tension because it's not going away but it won't go away but it does not have to control you and it does not have to drive you because as long as I'm trying to keep up with people I can't keep up with I don't have any margin to give to other people and I don't have margin to support the things that I want to support because I'm trying to keep up with people that don't even know I'm trying to keep up with them so this isn't a problem that has ever solved but this is a tension that we all have to learn to manage especially if you're a Christian especially if you're a Jesus follower because this intersects with your relationship with your Heavenly Father who has called you this is an amazing thought we're not going to develop it it's just an amazing time who called you get this according to his purpose Wow what what if you missed God's purpose for your life because you were trying to keep up with a culture that's not even a thing it's a myth we're gonna see a word in just a minute that Salim is going to give us that helps us kind of put sort of personify this this ghost this vapor this thing this illusion that we all change this thing that has the potential steal the joy of life not a problem to be solved so what I want to do in our few minutes that's left is I I my goal is to give you a mental line of defense and then that sounds kind of technical and weird a mental line of defense in other words a place that you can go mentally when you start drifting toward envy or discontentment emotionally because for most of this even though it starts right here with our eyes or our ears but generally our eyes it gets emotional it gets emotional real quickly suddenly we're feeling behind we're feeling unloved we're feeling ugly we're feeling like you know we're not keeping up we're just we're feeling like we're not everything we ought to be and everything everybody expects us to be so what I want to do tonight is I just want to give you a couple of phrases that I hope that you will kind of drive deep down into your soul and as you experience the tug as you hear the whisper and you're gonna hear it the rest of your life just like I am that we would have a place to go mentally to tell ourselves something that is so true and so instructional that it may keep you between the guardrails and if you're a Christian it may help direct you toward God's purpose for your life so back to the wisest guy that ever lived he's jumping right into a little bit of a narrative and he kind of telling us what he's seen he's an old man now and he's been there done that he's he's so wealthy Solomon was so wealthy he'd accomplished so much so he has all this life experience and he's downloading his life experience for people like us who have less life experience and we'll never experience life like he's experienced it so here's what he says he says and I saw he's not talking about something he saw in the past and I saw that all toil all work in all achievement all you goal setters you know all toil in all achievement spring from one person's envy of another it's like what he goes yep I've seen it I know what's happening out there this is this isn't new this is 3000 years old at least and older in other words he says I looked around and I realized everybody is simply competing everybody is determining this is this is this is shocking this is embarrassing because this is so true everybody is determining where they are based on where everybody else is and then he says this this too is meaningless and then he gives us our phrase then he gives us this mental image he gives us a phrase that I want you to memorize I just want this to become part of your mental language you know to mental languages and stuff you don't necessarily say out loud you just think it and by the way there are things that you should just think but anyway so I want to give you a mitten something that you say to yourself or you may need to say out loud but here's here's the phrase this is so powerful so I'm going to read the whole verse and then I'm going to add this last part and I saw that all toil and all achievements spring from one person's envy of another this too is meaningless and here's the phrase a chasing after the wind and that powerful a chasing after the wind it's endless it's pointless there is no finish line there is no trophy because there is no winner and there is no peace there's just not our dissatisfaction guaranteed dissatisfaction guaranteed because comparison is what puts the dist and discontentment and discontentment dissatisfaction guarantee it steals the joy and here's the tragedy it steals the joy from our accomplishments it steals the joy from what we have done it steals the joy from the goals that we have set and have accomplished because somebody else has accomplished more because somebody else has more so when you catch yourself and you know what here's the thing you're gonna catch yourself you know before this hour is out but when you catch yourself looking oh man you know I wish I had hair like that oh you know I wish had skin like that wish I oh that she looks so good now wouldn't look good enough he looks so good in that I'm not even gonna try it when you catch yourself looking when you catch yourself drifting when you catch yourself looking and drifting in somebody else's direction when you catch yourself drifting over into someone else's Lane that's when you say to yourself and for some of us I think we should say it out loud not loud enough for everybody else to hear but just loud enough to stop us that's when we say oh that's chasing the wind that's Jason that we're not I'm not gonna buy that that's just chasing that wind keep going that's just chasing the wind mmm chasing the wind and I don't chase the wind come on and this isn't a Christian religious thing this is just a Thing Thing do you want to spend the rest of your life chasing the wind no why because there's no wind and chasing the wind there's no wind in comparison there's no trophy there's no finish line there's no ever there's no I did it you did what no there's no wind okay there's always faster cuter smaller younger a hipper I mean bigger it's chasing the wind and come on I don't know you personally but I know this your life is too valuable and your life is too short and your time is too valuable for you to waste any of it chasing the wind so the moment those emotions those speed if inadequacy and I'm not rich enough and I didn't measure up to what my parents done all this wo that's that's chasing the wind and I don't chase the wind now fortunately Solomon's not through because he knows there's another side of this and he knows what some of us are thinking because the whole idea of not chasing the wind is not an invitation to be passive he wasn't like I just live and let live it doesn't matter where you live today and gone tomorrow and he said some things like that in ecclesiastes but in terms of his life personally he accomplished a great deal so here's what he says he says don't take this to an unhealthy extreme fools fools fold their hands and ruin themselves full say well you know what since I can't keep up since everybody's better than me since everybody has more talent than me since everybody had a better family since everybody ever since everybody else I'm just I'm just not even gonna try excel I'm assistant no no only a fool does that being unproductive is not the answer so he brings in this next verse this is so powerful it's like if you if you don't ever read the Bible you should read the Bible in fact start with what Solomon wrote if you in fact if you not a Christian you're not into the Jesus thing Hey Jesus wasn't born for a long time start with Solomon he was just a king and these are just wise sayings it's just that they're found in the Bible which is great and here's what he says next he says so he brings these two extremes together he's like look they don't spend your life chasing the wind and don't fold your hands and go well who I try don't spend your life chasing the wind and trying to keep up with people that don't even know you're trying to keep up with them images on the screen and at the same time don't just throw up your hands and give up and he brings them together in this next statement that's so powerful some of you perhaps just need to memorize the statement he says this better I love this better one handful with tranquility then two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind and that great you're like I don't even know what it means I know I'm gonna explain it a minute but it is great so just take okay but look at the imagery of this he says it's better to have one handful with tranquility which rubs us the wrong way in our culture because our culture isn't about one our culture is about two our culture's about more if I had four hands I'd have four handfuls you know I mean it's it's all about more more and more he says okay I have more than all of you so just shut up in listen for a second I'm telling you one handful with tranquility one handful with tranquility is better than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind tranquility means satisfaction tranquility means you drive home at night and you go into your apartment or you're going to your house and you're fine tranquility means you visit your your friend or your your older brother or even your younger brother your older sister younger sister and they live in this big old house you know they got a gate you gotta gate you know hey can I can I commit it's your brother and have to be you know let you in their gate you know oh you know and then you drive home to wherever you live and you know what tranquility is tranquility is I'm so happy for them and it doesn't bother me you got into the school I wanted to go to I'm I'm you know what once at a time that would have bothered me so much I'm not even sure we could be friends but I've learned that one handful with tranquility of tranquility is better than two handfuls of striving and chasing it the one here's the thing we assume more is better that's what we're taught every single day we assume more is better but chasing more always leaves us wanting more so here's this point this is why it's so powerful less is actually more when the less you hold is what you were created for that less is actually more when the less you hold is what you were designed what you were created for what you were born to do better one handful with tranquility than grasping and striving and pretending and competing then he goes on he says let me tell you something outside song while we're talking about it this is so great again he said I saw something meaningless Under the Sun will tell us what it is this is fascinating Solomon there was a man all alone he had neither Sun nor brother two which were like so what but see in this culture if you didn't have a son and you didn't have a brother then you had no one to leave your estate to and your wealth to or even if you didn't have much you didn't have anybody anything to because in ancient times women could not inherit anything so here's a guy who's been working hard and has something to show for it but he doesn't have anyone to leave it to and then Solomon says this there was no end to his toil in other words he was just getting after it yet his eyes were not content with as well so he was working hard and he was getting more but you know more leads to more and bigger leads to bigger and better at least the better and he's just getting after getting after getting after it and then he finally this guy stops and asked a question that some of you've never asked and I'm telling you I wish I had asked this question much earlier in my life if you'll begin to ask yourself this question early on it will help you it will make it will you will learn to be content with one handful of Tranquility and it won't you won't be content like you want to accomplish anything you will accomplish all you were born to accomplish but you'll do it with peace and tranquility because here's a question this guy forgot to ask that most of us forget to ask it here's the question it's so powerful its element says he forgot to ask for whom am I toiling he finally asked the question I mean he's been going on and I don't know and year after year and it's like he's going wait a minute what Who am I doing this for Who am I doing this with and Who am I doing this for what am what am I trying to prove and Who am I trying to prove it to now this is a hard question and I had to wrestle this one to the ground many years ago that's why I just would love you know if we were sitting down over coffee I would say this is this is a really big deal and the younger you are the more powerful and the more time you have to live this out but it's never too late because there's an answer to this question whether you've asked the question or not and whether you know the answer or not there's an answer to the question why are you doing this why are you striving why are you toiling why are you pushing why are you gritting your teeth why who is it for and for some of you do you know who it's for you're competing with your brother you're competing with a sister some of you are trying to live up to your mother's expectations and let me just tell you something I don't know your mother but you'll you'll never win with your mother you won't you know how I note because if you could have won you would have won it basically been going on here after you after year is she's this and you're just trying and trying truck okay why some of you are trying to please your father some of you are trying to make your father smile and finally give you that hug and and some of you your father passed away and you're still striving and you've never stopped and asked this powerful question wait a minute what what why am I doing this Who am I doing this for whose approval am i competing for and do they even know and do they even care and would it even matter if they did so here's a question they were moving on for whom to use his word for whom are you toiling and let me just give you a heads up if you say well I'm doing it for me mm probably not well I'm just doing it for me uh maybe but before you just go there and move on this is a question you need to wrestle to the ground for whom are you toiling really because for some of you when you are able to answer that question it will free you up to be content with one handful of Tranquility instead of two hands of if only if only and when he goes on and why this is so amazing this is the same fictitious this this this guy that Solomon knew that sort of represents you know people humanity and why am i depriving myself of enjoyment this guy Solomon says the thing about this guy he accomplished so much he has no one to leave it to and he's not even enjoying his stuff he's so bound up with more stuff and chasing the wind it's like wait a minute Who am I doing this for and why is it I'm not even enjoying the fruit of my labor it's because he'd never answered the question and why am I doing this to begin with and perhaps you aren't enjoying your life either and let me tell you what if you're not enjoying your life no one else will for some of the some of you and get a little personal the reason that your your relationships are just kind of read feet repeat repeat same thing in the same way if you're not enjoying your life the people that you date aren't going to enjoy you they're just not if you're not enjoying your life the people that are closest to your friends they won't enjoy you either they will sense your angst in fact they may have tried to tell you and you're like there's nothing wrong with me I'm just ambitious I'm just a goal setter well no you're something else but I can't say that because Andy said don't say everything that's true just make sure what you say is true so I'm not going to really tell you what anyway so and then there's this somewhere in the world tonight are half a billion people that would look at your life in your circumstances in your body and where you live and what you drive and who you know and they would consider you one of the luckiest people on earth but you don't and do you know why you don't because you don't know why you're toiling and striving and you don't know who you're doing it for one handful with peace and tranquility is so much better than two handfuls of grit and tension and a lack of peace this - he says I mean he's so honest this too is meaningless it's some miserable business you will never find you just have to trust me on this or just figure it out for yourself or think it through you're smart you know this you will never be who you were born to be as long as you are looking over your shoulder at anybody else because the energy you expend and the energy I expand looking left and right it over my shoulder that is energy God gave us to do what God has called us and created us to do you have to learn to run your race and quit chasing the wind back to Solomon here's what he says a heart this is the the entire statement that I gave you the second part of at the beginning Solomon says this a heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones you cannot you I don't care how rich you are poor you are how good-looking you are where you live what your can hear you're connected to you cannot compare your way to peace you cannot compare your way to peace you cannot compare your way to tranquillity you can't win chasing the wind God has given you God has given you a race to run and you need to get in your lane and you need to focus and you need to stay there look to other people for inspiration and celebrate their success you look to them for inspiration but you don't look to them for imitation when you see somebody knocking it out of the park maybe somebody living your dream somebody driving your car somebody going to your school getting your degree you celebrate them you say I'm so happy for you but I am running my race and I am staying in my lane I'm not gonna waste an ounce of my energy resent in you I'm not gonna waste an ounce of my life being jealous of you because I'm running my race in the lane that God has put me in Jordan Peterson into twelve rules twelve rules for life of the fabulous book he says it this way I love this quote he says compare yourself compare yourself to who you were yesterday not to who someone else is today that is great advice isn't it if you've got to compare compare yourself to who you were yesterday because if who you were yesterday is not as who you not as great as who you are today then you're making progress this here's the thing please because you only get one shot don't miss the life don't miss what life don't miss the life God has for you and don't miss what life has for you you will never experience you will never experience your life fully you will never experience your life fully until you and raise what is right in front of you I've done it the right way I've been at the wrong way I wish I'd learned this earlier you can begin today so when your emotions start drifting when your emotions start drifting when your emotions start drifting when your emotions start drifting and start getting the best of you you stop and you just declared it yourself I say you declare it out loud I will not chase the wind I will run my race and my lane I will not chase the wind that's good for you congratulations that's great I will not chase the wind I will run my race in my lane and if you do you will become the person God created you to be but if you aren't willing to take my advice and if you aren't willing to take Solomon's advice and if you're not willing to take Jordan Peterson's advice then I think you should at least take it from Bruce find your lane and run in it because after all tramps like us baby we were born to run [Music]

Channel: Your Move with Andy Stanley

Views: 84,710

Rating: 4.8650603 out of 5

Keywords: Andy Stanley, Your Move with Andy Stanley, Your Move, better decisions, fewer regrets, how to be better at life, depression, depressed, self help, how to be happier, how to have a good life, how to make better choices, decisions, regret, insipration, motivation, inspiration, comparison, contentment, secret to contentment, how to be content, how to be more content, mental health, self care, being fake, minimalist lifestyle, discontentment, how to be happy, atheism, christian, happiness

Id: TaiQjgkS77M

Length: 28min 33sec (1713 seconds)

Published: Fri May 17 2019