How I Got Over My DIVORCE to Find Love & Happiness

hey guys welcome back so I know I probably look a hot mess I was working earlier today and I got off work and I've just been chilling at home I was editing a video and then I just thought I would sit down and film for you guys I've just had a lot of things on my mind recently and I have thought to film this video so many times but I always just talked myself out of it I just figure I need to sit down and film this because if I don't it's like the longer time goes by you kind of forget what you know like you forget like things you know you forget the way that you felt you forget the things that helped you get through certain things like the longer that time goes by just because like time heals everything and that is like a big one if you're going through divorce or if you know loss or separation like I know at the time it feels like nothing is ever gonna get better and that things are gonna always suck but time does really heal things you know that's something that you don't want to hear that it's just gonna take time and that it will pass that you will feel better eventually with me I mean if you have watched my other like videos where I talked about my divorce I mean I haven't posted very many and I feel like when I go back and watch those some of them are like very vague um but I've had several of you all you tell me that you're like going through the same thing and that it's really hard like how do you get through this so I know that this video like at least if nothing else will be like comforting to know that things will get better if you're the one wanting to get the divorce you might not have really the same feelings that I had in what helped me to get through it might be different for you than it was for me because I was the one that didn't want to get the divorce and my ex-husband did so I was like at a place where I really want to work through it but he didn't and there literally was nothing do about it and it was very painful because I was just raised that you did not get divorced you know like you tried that you would try to do everything in your power to work out the marriage you know my parents are married my grandparents are married well at least on my mom's side well my grandfather he's passed away but on my dad's side I mean his parents did go through a divorce but I mean it was just very frowned upon in my family so I was really scared about that whenever my husband didn't want to work it out because I was like oh my gosh like what is my family gonna think about me and not just my immediate family like just like distant relatives or just like people I went to church with and grew up with and stuff like that so that weight on that mind and that was like really scary I think in some ways like that was like the most kind of scary well not the most but that was one of the scary things for me was just worrying about what everybody else would think of me or would think about that this video is probably gonna be all over the place because I didn't try to sit down to organize things but just bear with me and if you're going through a divorce I'm sorry I'm not used to these little things hanging down because I usually clip these back I might just clip these back cuz I feel like they're gonna get on my nerves my hair is so short now that whenever I would pull it up I have all those little baby hairs hanging down and I hope my memory card does not fill up because I didn't check it and I feel like this video could get kind of long but yeah so I was worried about that it was very painful that he didn't want to work it out I was also very scared even though we didn't have much together the thought of like starting my life over again was so scary to me back then I just remember like laying on the couch trying to go to sleep and just fill in so scared even though I was like living with my parents I just felt like how am I gonna like how am I gonna ever be able to support myself again like by myself you know cuz I was used to having hit to income to to live I just thought like how am I gonna ever find another person not that that was a huge concern at the time it was more so like how am I gonna take care of myself how am I gonna be independent um you know it's just really scary you feeling like you're being completely forced back out into the world by yourself it's a very scary feeling especially for a woman I don't know men probably don't feel so much that way I mean maybe sometimes they do but I feel like that's more of like a woman thing I'm a person of faith you know I believe in God you know that was like the main thing that got me through my divorce I had faith that no matter what happened whether he would want to work it out with me or whether he didn't want to that God was gonna take care of me and I just had just this faith in me that God would send me the right person and I feel like you really need that you really need to have faith that no matter what happens like everything is gonna be okay and it's all gonna work out and I know that for me it probably was somewhat easier for divorce because we didn't have any kids together we didn't have very much like you know we didn't have a house together we were currently living with my parents at the time we were saving up money to get a house so really the only things that we had were you know the items that we had at my parents house and in storage which really wasn't that much I mean we really didn't have that many things and we didn't have any pets together so we didn't even have to worry about that really the only thing that we had that was a big thing together was the money that we had saved for our potential house which obviously we weren't gonna get so that was the only major thing that I was kind of worried about which I wasn't even worried about that at the time when all that stuff was going on but I know like if you have kids or like a house or if you've lived you know been married together for a very long time it's a lot it's a lot more rough and I feel like it probably is a little harder to have faith that no matter what everything's gonna be okay but it really will it really will be okay I know at the time it doesn't seem like that and I can remember and thank God like I was living with my parents because he just I don't know I don't really want to get into the specific details of all that because I don't want to bash him like I hope him the best and I don't wish like any ill-will towards him and I feel like that's another key to I mean I know at first you're probably going to like hate their guts but I'm telling you like that is not any way to get over a divorce or a bad breakup because I can't remember this saying exactly how it goes or who it's from exactly but it's like anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die like the only person that is affected by the anger is you not the other person and it just eats you up inside so the best thing that you can do is to let go and forgive that person and I know that for some people that's easier said than done I'm the type of person I'm very forgiving so it's easy for me to forgive but I know that some people their personalities it's just not easy for them to forgive and that's just something that you're gonna have to work on but if you don't get past that like it's gonna be really hard for you to get past all this and to grow like you're just gonna be bitter and you just don't want to be bitter so yeah that was the first I guess kind of step for me and then you want to surround yourself with people that are supportive luckily my parents they were supportive like I told you guys I was afraid of what they might think or what they might do but they were totally supportive and maybe if your parents are not supportive if you have supportive friends or other family members like confide in them like rely on them to be your support at the time like I know who my really good friend Brittany I probably drove her crazy because I would text her every day all the time if I was upset and you really need to have that friend or you know a parent or whoever that you can just totally vent to even when you're super upset and you feel like you're a crazy person you really need that so who however you can find that network of people to be there for you even if it's just one person try to find that and I don't know like maybe some of you guys don't have that maybe you know a lot of people around you are not okay with a divorce so maybe you don't have a good support system if that's the case find a therapist or a counselor you know go to a church and find a pastor or you know somebody that you can confide in and I know that therapy if they're finding a therapist and stuff like that it's not necessarily cheap sometimes it is kind of an investment but it's definitely worth it and maybe if nothing else if you can't afford a therapist if you don't have a good support system then I would say write in a journal because that does help to get your thoughts and feelings out there moving on into the therapy thing that was like my next step of what I did I searched around and I found a therapist to go to to talk to because it was kind of getting to the point where I mean I was talking to Brittany every day but I was just like so upset and she didn't know like what else to say or do to try to help me you know and sometimes there really isn't anything that somebody can do or say to help you get that like you just have to be upset and just let your feelings and emotions out there because you just have to get that out you know you have to get that poison out you know so I did I went to therapy for a while probably for at least six months and during this whole time - I just want to say that you really and pretty much whenever my husband my ex-husband left cuz like I said we lived in my parents house on one day he just left like we were there he just left he never what he did come back to get his stuff but um huh that was Josh where'd he go okay so hurry about that I was completely distracted my boyfriend just drove by the house like I saw scart and had my phone in the other room like he got off from work and he said he was coming over and I was like what cuz he wasn't gonna come over after work but anyway I'm trying to remember what I was saying yeah so I went to therapy and that did help me it helped me to see that the main thing that I got out of the therapy thing was she was talking about which I can't remember the exact terminology for it but it was basically like a drama triangle where you're either the victim the perpetrator or the hero and a lot of times and like romantic relationships are not even romantic relationships just like relationships in general like toxic ones you do this like triangle thing triangle thing where either you feel like you're the victim and your partner's the perpetrator and it just goes like in a vicious cycle and I was totally doing that like with my ex-husband I mean we he wasn't a bad person but we didn't have a very good relationship was a very toxic one so it kind of taught me to kind of step out of the box and really pay attention to things like that and what I was gonna say before he distracted me was you need to during that time like okay so whenever my husband left I knew he wasn't my ex-husband I knew he wasn't coming back during the time from January until basically I think October I did not date anybody and that is a big thing like you need to give yourself time and maybe I should have given myself even more time but I literally was not looking for anybody I didn't want to date anybody at all and whenever Josh didn't come around at work because we work together we didn't talk a little bit before you know we talked to each other at work and stuff like that said ha we were friendly and like one day he like gave me his number and I knew that he liked me but I was scared because I didn't want to get involved in another relationship right away he just got back I feel so weird filming this with him here but um so yeah it was kind of scared to you know reach out and talk to him and to like go on a date with him but I had been thinking I need to like make some guy friends so I did go out on a date with him and it just like clicked you know I felt like he got where I was coming from he didn't rush things hey it's so hot in here I gotta turn the heat down okay so I just took my hoodie off because I'm hot and my hair fell out of my ponytail my hair is just such a mess today I'll just tuck that back there but I just felt like he really got me and I didn't feel like he tried to rush anything or anything like that it literally felt like we were had been friends forever and it just flowed naturally that just kind of gives any of you guys out there hope that you know you will find somebody again and it might not happen I mean it's not gonna happen way that happened for me I mean some people it takes a really long time to find somebody else sometimes it doesn't and I felt like at the time whenever I you know was going through my separation and divorce like I said I was not looking for anybody I did not want to date anybody like I wasn't one of those people that was like oh I need to find a rebound person and I'm not saying that there's necessarily anything wrong with that but I feel like if you really want to truly heal and get past your divorce and really discover like who you are and grow you need to give yourself space and don't think about that or focus on that but I mean I know everyone's different so I don't know that's just what I feel you might feel differently I feel like what I've shared with you guys today should help you you know at least get through some of the beginnings of what you're going through or just the fact of knowing that you're not alone and that there is hope connected that there is light at the end of the tunnel that you will find somebody that will love and appreciate you for who you are and do not settle for anything less you know if Josh didn't accept me for who I was I wouldn't be with him but he does like he really gets me and I'm so appreciative and thankful for that that is so rare and I feel so blessed and so lucky you know and like I said I mean anything can end and I think that's something else that I learned is like you cannot control what another person does if someone does not want to be with you you cannot control them you cannot control that you have to just let be like live and let live like you just have to let it be and you just have to let it go if they don't want to be with you because all the begging all the pleading in the world like it's not gonna solve anything and even if that did work like it's not gonna work in the long term you know so yeah you definitely want to be with somebody that wants to be with you and like I said you cannot control what another person does so you know if Josh wanted to leave me tomorrow I mean that is a possibility and I think you have to always feel that way in the back of your head you have to know that anything can end like nothing stays the same in life and you have to like be okay with that you shouldn't just rely on the person that you're with to fulfill all your needs because they cannot you know you need to find other things that you love and enjoy and like I was saying whenever you take that time to yourself to discover who you are you need to find the things that you love and enjoy like hobbies you know things that make you happy and you need to do those things you need to find yourself and whenever you get with the next person you know that's gonna be your boyfriend or girlfriend you need to continue to do those things it's like with YouTube that is my love and I continue to do that even whenever I first started dating Josh I didn't give up on the things that I loved and that is just something that you should not do and that's not something that you should try to take away from the person that you're with if there's something that they love doing whether it's like playing video games or hunting or whatever it is that they love to do you need to let them do that and if you're not comfortable with what they're doing like their hobbies then you shouldn't be with them because you should not want to change a person you should love a person for who they are and if you can't then you shouldn't be with that person and I think that's also do Wow you know my whole divorce thing happened and why I my marriage didn't work because you know it was like we were wanting each other to be different people than who we were and you just can't do that you have to accept a person for who they are and like I said if you cannot then you're not meant to be with that so yeah definitely find things that bring you joy because you need to do that to be successful in a relationship because you can't always rely on that person to be there hope that this was helpful for any of you guys out there that are facing divorce separation or you know you had a bad breakup hopefully this was helpful if it was please give this video a thumbs up or you can let me know down in the comments I'm sorry if I can't get back to all of your comments or things like that cuz like I said I know that I have some of you guys email me or message me and I can't get back to everybody it will get better like you will get through this and things are gonna get better don't give up don't lose heart I'm living proof of that I also do beauty videos and if that's something that you're into definitely subscribe to my channel because that's mostly what my channel is about not about divorce and stuff like that but I hope that you have a great day just hang in there and I will see you on the next video bye

Channel: Julie Dawn Olsen

Views: 99,399

Rating: 4.8237886 out of 5

Keywords: How to, Get Over, Get Past, Divorce, Break-up, Seperation, Loss, Love, Found, Find, Got Over, Faith, God, Christain, How I, Story Time, My Story, Happiness

Id: -mHAK8GDAAo

Length: 20min 28sec (1228 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 22 2018