Horrible $39 Million Apartment

a couple nights ago xqc watched the video on stream which was about a 39 million dollar apartment in new york and it looks like dog [ __ ] it is awful a horrible place to live if you can afford to live there and you buy that you are officially the dumbest person on earth i don't care how much money you have or how successful you buying that proves to the entire human race that you are a true failure let me show you this apartment and we can just go over this disaster together because it is astonishing how [ __ ] awful it is so the location here could not be better we are just step from center park i want to start with this claim where the location couldn't be better first of all there is no good locations in new york city all you're gonna hear living in new york city is screaming screeching and the sound of horns blaring 24 7. i've been to new york a handful of times and it sounds like a perpetual xbox live lobby with people constantly yelling trying to talk to you and your friends inside new york city is harder than trying to talk to someone right next to a jet turbine it is so obnoxiously loud so i really couldn't imagine living right in the heart of that nightmare but even setting aside my obvious bias against living in new york city the video itself does a good job of showing why the location is still bad has five bedrooms four full bathrooms four fireplaces first of all who needs four fireplaces what are you a james bond villain that is an absurd amount of fireplaces and also look at this right here what a wonderful view you get to look at construction not only do you get to look at construction you get to get woken up every day by the extremely loud sounds of construction [ __ ] your alarm clock throw that [ __ ] right in the dumpster you won't need it if you pay for this 39 million dollar apartment because you're going to be smelling hearing and feeling construction every day now of course this might not be under construction for the entire time that you purchased this apartment and live there but that's the beauty of new york city baby it's always under construction it's always going to be like this the entertaining area of the three floors i happen to love this floor the flow is so beautiful the great room over here where you have your nice full bar it's clad in this very beautiful onyx the onyx is also backlit with lighting so in the evening this really stands out you know what else stands out that sharp edge holy [ __ ] look at this it's like a giant razor blade this is something jigsaw would have his furniture in case somebody escapes from one of his games they might just run through here and slice themselves wide open on this first of all i don't know what the flow really means because it doesn't really flow everything's all over the place you're going to notice that's a common theme for this apartment where everything has a different texture this entire apartment looks like a horribly designed video game level it's like it was made by somebody playing sims for the first time they just keep choosing different random things from the options menu and just haphazardly tossing them in like this is made out of onyx bathrooms made out of granite this is made out of marble this is made out of frozen plutonium concentrate this one's made out of unicorn tears that was superheated and then frozen and put next to the sink like it's all kinds of different clashing things so nothing even matches so every time she mentions flow i puke a little bit because there is no flow and like just look at the color of everything there's [ __ ] gold sofa in the background surrounded by black chairs and then at the kitchen there's these gray chairs really everything is constantly it's like a battlefield in here it's this monumental three-story staircase that is clad in marble it is a masterpiece we also have a very unique feature with an indoor outdoor fireplace so you're outside entertaining you can look at your fire and you're entertaining inside you will see it too who you entertaining encino man just [ __ ] neanderthals cavemen that we unfroze and then brought to this 39 million apartment who is that entertained by fireplaces there's [ __ ] four of them here so i guess the only people going here are fireplace enthusiasts like that's the entire idea of the entertaining area look at this fire oh yeehaw whoa i'm going to show you what entertaining here in the panthers is really about follow me to the terrace i've never seen an apartment in new york city with an outdoor fireplace i mean this is just set up for entertaining it's all beautiful exotic woods we have a green wall all landscaping and oh my god look at this we have a full outdoor kitchen i see we're really stretching the definition of a full kitchen here you have a grill you have one grill with the world's most uncomfortable chairs in existence this place isn't set up for entertaining it's set up for torturing sitting on one of these looks like [ __ ] it looks so painful it'd probably blow your [ __ ] out the design looks like it's just a bunch of broken glass set on top of each other it looks horrible let's take a look at this on the other side of the terrace we have formal dining with a fire pit this is an apartment for cult members or something so you gather your 12 satanic occultist brethren you gather around this cube here and stare at the fire pit while trying to summon lucifer it doesn't work there so then you go around the corner here and so there's a fireplace on the other side of this giant [ __ ] wall this big domino piece right next to the fire pit within five feet there is a fire pit and a fireplace it's crazy this whole apartment is a fixation on fire as a means of entertainment it's [ __ ] wild and it also is a horrible location because again you're just surrounded by constant construction i'm really starting to believe in the reptilian conspiracy theory because who the [ __ ] else would consider this worth 39 million dollars and we're only just scratching the surface we've only just begun in this train wreck of an apartment there's just a random giant marble wall for no reason other than to have a fireplace in it like who cares that's just dumb this whole apartment feels like it was some kind of scam like they just had all of these expensive materials and didn't have anything to do with it so they just randomly threw them into an apartment all over the place and then made like a huge ask on it for 39 million just to try and make up for whatever they spent on all the raw materials we have this japanese maple wood you have gorgeous velvet from paris and my favorite this atelier window that was custom designed just for this penthouse and the view you can see half of manhattan island over here you can see like eight buildings in a car accident down below it's not the most riveting of views this dressing room is like for the stars storage galore i mean my god this is a dream come true it's all continue on this japanese maple and this counter is marble there's no way i'm the only one that finds this absolutely hideous it looks atrocious that design makes it look like space is melting around you it looks like a bad lsd trip it's like [ __ ] awful and then for some reason there's paris velvet on another wall right next to it for some reason what are you gonna do with the paris velvet wall come on it like there's there's no reason for that the ensuite bathroom here is something that you will never see again you have this panda marble that has been book matched you have all nickel hardware dorm brake fixtures radiant heated floors my favorite of course the beast standing tub dual water closet and a spa shower what can i say i just i would never leave this bathroom this whole apartment must weigh like 10 billion pounds because it's all made out of like stone and [ __ ] i wouldn't be surprised if one of the rooms was made out of rhino horn and shark teeth and a whale blubber like it's just wasteful of all of this [ __ ] just thrown in here the reason she'd never leave this bathroom is because she would probably die in it it's like a hall of mirrors i couldn't even tell what half of this [ __ ] was in the bathroom without her telling me it's disorienting the the confusing and scary to look at it looks so [ __ ] bad nice salarium that is actually set up as a gym right now but this could be a nice art studio and how about 39 million dollars and you only have enough space in this gym for a treadmill a bike and 15 pounds of dumbbells you could spend 39 million dollars on anything else and get significantly more space out of it than this you also have a full marble bathroom up here and my favorite fabulous terrace and it's right now set up as a sculpture garden and you also have a green wall up here of course the bathroom is fully made out of marble because everything here is made out of marble i wouldn't be surprised if the host is made out of marble and onyx and all that [ __ ] here and i don't know what she means by its setup as a sculpture garden there were no sculptures unless you count the green wall which is literally as the name says it's just a wall of green that's dog [ __ ] this is a place you can entertain 20 of your best friends the custom cladded windows in marble that actually ties into the wet bar that has this beautiful marble as well i've heard marbles so many times now it's completely lost its meaning absolutely everything here is for some reason made of marble i don't know who built this but that guy must be some kind of marble alchemist he's able to just make marble out of nothing he can take a [ __ ] tissue and turn it into a block of marble it has nothing to do with it except make ugly ass apartments out of it you have appliances by wolf sub-zero and i can guarantee you that you won't see any other pentas in manhattan with a big window overlooking central park a little disingenuous with that last claim it's not overlooking central park you can just kind of peak and see a little underboob of central park like you can catch a little sneak preview like you know central park is over there and you're peaking at just the right angle in the girls locker room and you can see some titty like you're not getting a full view of central park you can hardly see it you're catching very small glimpses of central park from this location it's it's not great when it comes to its view but it is great when it comes to its marble because jesus [ __ ] christ again the entire kitchen is made out of marble there's a breakfast room it's made out of marble i'm trying not to show you everything because it's just the same [ __ ] over and over again it's just like this absolute diarrhea of marble in this apartment just this volcanic eruption of only marble here uh i don't know who wolf in sub-zero is unless it's talking about mortal kombat characters but those appliances look kind of cool and i love the name so that's so far the only good thing about the apartment but i don't know if those appliances are worth 39 million dollars extraordinary library that actually was the fifth bedroom there is an access point to a full bathroom so if you want to convert this you can convert it back to a bedroom i really wouldn't like to convert it i'd like to just demolish it tear it down and just sell the materials because i really think you'd get more value out of just the raw ingredients of this recipe here i just can't imagine that there's someone that's currently living there which there is nor can i imagine that someone would want to buy this it looks awful beautiful layout ample space for office work entertaining if you have a fireplace this exotic woods that's imported from africa just absolutely beautiful two chesses they're a custom design beautiful metals onyx and they're just gorgeous there's no way human beings actually use this [ __ ] this looks like what prisoners sleep on it is a stone frame with a very thin little film of cushion on top of it and an awful pillow if you can even call that a pillow this looks terrible i don't know i don't understand who thinks this is a good idea this isn't comfortable to lay down on to watch tv it wouldn't be comfortable to sit on to watch tv either because then you'd be at an awkward angle there is no way a human being lives at this apartment the chairs from upstairs were the first example where it looked like you were sitting on just a jagged metal car accident and then there's this whoever is currently living here and made all this is an actual maniac a psychopath they hate comfort they're the opposite of enjoyment and right next to the media room we have the home office the home office has these gorgeous i was absolutely right a super villain lives at this place right now look on the right there it's like a steel balaclava what the [ __ ] is that that looks like something a villain out of a marvel comic would have as like a trophy on their wall and in their desk it's just a bunch of little pieces of [ __ ] stacked on top of each other literal pieces of dog excrement that they have stacked on top of each other and encased in gold i won't bother showing you any of the other places in here because it's all the same it's just covered in marvel just marble puke everywhere with absolutely like no thought put into it it looks like the worst place to live they don't have guests at this place they have prisoners but yeah anyway that's about it this is the worst use of 39 million dollars i could possibly imagine that's about it so yeah

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 4,990,404

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Id: PANHbjhnYdU

Length: 13min 55sec (835 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 19 2021