The Worst Toy Ever Made

remember when toys were pretty simple here's some power rangers action figures that you collide into each other or here's a harry potter set where you make your own polyjuice potion out of rat poison and anthrax enjoy kids remember toys like that what the [ __ ] happened today i found a toy called the poopsie slime surprise unicorn and it's not like i'm going around shopping for children's toys or anything i'm not like raiding toys r us dumpsters or anything i saw this music video for it called the poopsy slime surprise unicorn music video whatever and it turns out the toy is all about feeding a unicorn some like water glitter and powder until you shake it up enough and set it on a toilet for it to take a [ __ ] that's all the entire purpose of the toy is to watch it take a [ __ ] and then play with its [ __ ] the little slime in the toilet bowl it's it's wild like why would you why is that a toy who's making these toys aliens oh humans take a [ __ ] at least once a day they'd probably like to play with some of it right let's go ahead and make a toy for that it makes no sense like what do you like that's all you do you just watch a unicorn take a [ __ ] and it takes like 15 minutes to get the whole procedure going it's like a real chemical reaction that you have to set up it's so boring it's so unfun it's so weird it's like trying to promote a scat fetish to kids it i i don't understand it at all it's not you can even have like a cool boss fight with the unicorn where you have like your power rangers like start fighting the unicorn and then it shits itself you can't because it has to sit on the toilet to take a [ __ ] so you can't even do anything with that unicorn besides make it take a [ __ ] let me show you the music video gonna get loopy off my poopy that's like the last thing i think about when i take a [ __ ] it's not like i'm hugging my toilet bowl with my face over it huffing the sacred fumes looking for some kind of scat high i don't understand why they're like talking about sniffing [ __ ] as if it's some kind of good thing admittedly the animation looks good i wouldn't be surprised if dan schneider commissioned a team of nickelodeon animators to make this for him but regardless of how professional the animation looks the song bangs like i mean come on that sounds pretty [ __ ] good what what are you gonna do with all that poop right you're gonna flush it you're gonna waste it now it doesn't make any sense they talk about unicorn [ __ ] as if it's their currency in this universe here but anyway let's go ahead and take a look at the actual toy so we can see just how much fun it is to just dive in there and balls deep and play with some unicorn [ __ ] we're going to show you how to feed your unicorn make her poop unicorn slime and clean her we'll demonstrate with rainbow bright stars if you're following along at home please make sure you have your poopsy slime surprise unicorn on standby and ready because this [ __ ] comes full throttle nuts to butts they are going fast and [ __ ] through these directions and trust me there's more steps in this making your unicorn take a [ __ ] than there isn't solving an algebra equation there's just so many moving parts here and you're gonna have to keep up i would recommend getting out a piece of paper and taking some notes and you may need to hire a full-time professional poopsy slime surprise unicorn [ __ ] tutor before every use make sure your unicorn's belly button is pushed out to push out the belly button press the clip on your unicorn's back the internal container to release it check that the white clip on the bottom of the internal container is in place like this then push it back in once you hear the click your unicorn's belly button will pop out now you listen to me [ __ ] if i come to your house and you're playing with your poopsy slime surprise unicorn and i see a belly button is not popped out and you're trying to make it take a [ __ ] i'm arresting you i'm putting you under citizen's arrest this is the most crucial step when it comes to making this unicorn take a [ __ ] if that belly button is not out there is no [ __ ] coming out of its [ __ ] none at all and if you try and force [ __ ] out of its [ __ ] i'm just gonna chalk that up as just some kind of abuse because that is just absolutely inhumane and you clearly didn't follow the directions here and you clearly didn't even care to take care of your poopsy slime surprise unicorn now we're ready to make unicorn slime yeah baby that's what i've been waiting for that's what it's all about we're making a unicorn take a [ __ ] this is what fun is about baby god i'm getting excited just watching the tutorial it's great but i have to ask if it's just about making slime why does the unicorn have to [ __ ] it out couldn't we just make slime and have a unicorn nearby does it have to come out of its colon you know what i mean is that like super necessary for the fun unicorn shimmer check the back of your unicorn turn and push the dial to the feeding position use your spoon to feed your unicorn all the unicorn shimmer make sure the spoon hits the back of her mouth this motion will cause the spoon to rotate and pour the shimmer into her belly if toy stories taught me anything it's that this poor thing is alive and it has a soul and you can see it breaking every time it's deep throating this spoon here i mean for god's sake there's just no mercy here they're feeding it from a toilet bowl they dropped [ __ ] protein powder into a dirty toilet bowl and now are feeding it to this unicorn it's just heartbreaking to see i guess no price is too high when it comes to making slime they'd probably burn down an orphanage if it made even just a drop of slime and they'd probably consider it worth it because god damn it it's slime and we'll do anything for slime to measure five milliliters of room temperature water feed your unicorn the water place the bowl back into the toilet food you're going to mix her food feed her and make her poop in under two minutes holy [ __ ] these maniacs are going for a speed run world record here eating food and then taking a [ __ ] in under two minutes it's never been done before this is absolutely wild this is groundbreaking i wish i had a poopsy slime surprise unicorn with me right here so i could follow along at home but i couldn't find one and definitely didn't feel like ordering one so i can't but i'm just going to imagine the amount of fun you'd have waiting for two minutes just to watch it slowly take a [ __ ] then pour in one packet of unicorn food use the upper fill line on your measuring cup to measure 25 milliliters of take up and down for only 30 seconds and placing the straw into her mouth squeeze the bottle slowly this demonstration instructional video is about five minutes long and there is more steps in feeding this unicorn than there are in a calculus problem it would be easier to teach a child how to build an airplane than it would be to teach them how to make this unicorn take a [ __ ] i don't understand why there's so many steps i mean i feel like half of them could be eliminated but again i'm no i'm not a preeminent expert when it comes to slime creation nor slime [ __ ] rocking position until it clicks into place and now rock and roll and shake your unicorn for 15 seconds unicorn's belly button is popped out nothing can come out of her look she can even do cartwheels cartwheels and nothing's falling out of her all right i'm gonna have to order one of these then unicorn's diaper move the legs outward and sit her down on her glitter potty remember if you take longer than two minutes to feed her shake your slime and push in her belly button she belly button and watch her really poop unicorn slime yes finally the moment we've been waiting for now i will say they didn't give like a thorough run around of the toys so i don't even know if the toy has an [ __ ] i don't know where the shit's supposed to come from it has to have an [ __ ] right but since i don't have the toy and they didn't show it here i and they don't actually show the toy [ __ ] they just go from this scene to the load in the toilet i just have to wonder where is it coming from you know like maybe they planted the slime there and this thing actually doesn't even have a [ __ ] butthole and you're gonna buy this thing and you won't even be able to watch it take a [ __ ] you know one of its core selling points so it makes me a little skeptical but we're you know we're still in it let's go let's see let's see this finale allow the slime to sit in the toilet bowl for about 10 minutes you see what i mean it just has like this editing magic to it where it goes from the unicorn on the toilet to the [ __ ] in the toilet i also don't know why you have to wait 10 minutes i guess it was a real steaming loaf here you just have to give it a little time to cool down but it looks like a rick and morty portal like i'm half expecting them to just pop out of that toilet clean out your poopsie surprise unicorn pop your unicorn's belly button back out close the compartment turn the dial on your usual sit her back on her toilet fill her bottle with water basically it's take the whole [ __ ] thing apart hit it with a goddamn pressure washer and put it back together the cleaning process here is extremely lengthy as well this entire procedure here it's going to take up an entire day just trying to get this unicorn to [ __ ] for you it is a real investment of time using your spoon stir in any remaining water that might have settled on top once your slime is at a good consistency remove it from the bowl and either hold it in your hand or set it down on a protective surface and it's all worth it in the end the hours you spent bonding with this unicorn helping it eat and drink to [ __ ] all over the place is well worth it because you get that precious slime in the end and you get to just play around with it they have like glitter you can add to it and it's just a great time so yeah i think without this goes without saying but this is probably the worst toy i've ever seen and i actually can't imagine a more unfun toy for anyone of any age this [ __ ] [ __ ] sucks uh setting aside like the scat fetish undertones what what the [ __ ] is the fun here you spend like an entire day getting this unicorn to [ __ ] into a toilet bowl so you can play with it slime like it's dumb it's [ __ ] stupid that's about it see ya

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 7,430,993

Keywords:

Id: SsW4npZ0bDk

Length: 9min 22sec (562 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 21 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/quarterburn]

Can we get Bob Odenkirk to read off the instructions to making Poopsie poop in an over hyped voice? That's all it will take to turn it into a legit T&E sketch.

[u/awl_the_lawls]

My nieces were actually into these things a couple of years ago. I can't believe they're still a thing.

[u/DentalDecayDestroyer]

I don't get what this guy is so confused about, kids find poop funny- more at 11

[u/Pufflekun]

This is the Elsagate of toys.

[u/MZMH]

Sometimes I wonder if some company is like "hey...we have all this <insert chemical compound> and we can't get rid of it without incurring massive fines. What should we do? Oh? Yeah good idea let's make a toy that uses <insert chemical compound> and some glitter to make unicorn shit so its now someone elses problem."

[u/BlitzWing1985]

"put the spoon in till it hits the back of the neck"

Good to know that unicorn has no gag reflex.