Honest Trailers | Every MCU Honest Trailer

this week's honest trailer is brought to you by dnd beyond register for free at dnd beyond.com to start your adventure happy holidays from screen junkies we're working on a ton of big honest trailers and some fun new stuff for the year ahead but until then here's a bunch of our old stuff strung together for minimum effort and maximum views [Music] from the company that went bankrupt in the 90s and sold off the rights to its most popular characters comes a film based on the equivalent of leftover scrap metal proving that marvel can build a franchise around just about anybody except the hulk iron man experience the massive success that marvel turned into a formula for printing money where you take a half forgotten b-list superhero cast an unknown or half-forgotten b-list actor have him fight a generic villain that will only last one movie fall in love with a generically strong female character make a ton of quips talk a bunch of science destroy some public property cram stanley in there somewhere have a blue beam shoot up in the sky set up an avengers movie and force the audience to sit through 500 visual effects guys names just to catch a few extra seconds i'm here to talk to you about the avenger initiative hey if it ain't broke don't fix it mr stark you become part of a bigger universe you grew up loving batman spider-man and superman now get ready for a hero that makes them look like huge nerds by comparison and meet tony stark a hard party robert downey jr-ish weapons designer who's the perfect match between actor and role that allowed him to spend the next seven years making a fortune by pretending to look at a screen pretending to play with some holograms doing a little voice over keep going and basically act like himself until someone says cut nice work if you can get it cheer for a hero whose power is his intelligence not some magical hammer as tony craps out new technology the way you and i crap out breakfast like this weapon that's used against him these weapons that are used against him this weapon that's used against him you remember this one right this weapon that's used against him tony stark was able to build this in a cave this miracle technology that becomes a weapon that's used against him and of course ultron seriously tony just do the world of solid stop working trying to read the world of weapons you gave me the best one ever so revisit the marvel masterpiece that started it all without which there would be no marvel cinematic universe no avengers no guardians no winter soldier leaving hollywood in the terrifying position of having to develop something original starring bruce wayne miss money pepper obadiah vane terence how hard could it have been to take a pay cut for the sequels obligatory stanio and the iron giant marvel man where is it wow that's got to be the only time someone has ever looked cool riding a segway [Music] from marvel studios and universal comes the second movie in the marvel cinematic universe that we're doing an honest trailer for because infinity war is coming out we've already done all the other mcu movies and black panther isn't on blu-ray yet the incredible hulk meet bruce banner no not the one people like who's that he never played the hulk did he now you know the one i'm talking about the death smoochie guy there he is ed norton shines as the first marvel actor to show off how many crunches he did for the part and he's bringing his incredible range to a role that has him act like he's on xanax i know a few techniques could help you manage that anger very effectively while off camera he's bringing his incredible ego to a full rewrite of the script under the fake name edward harrison do you want to get terence howarded because that's how you get terence howarded [Music] join bruce for a story where he runs away from the military runs away from the military and runs away from the military again but sometimes when his little fitbit thingy hits 200 he'll turn into the hulk an unstoppable rage monster that's actually a huge danger to the entire planet the economy of brazil and all of harlem yeesh i'm glad he flew up to not planet hulk there would mean earth left for thanos to punch before gwyneth paltrow took a four-year hiatus and before natalie portman took an indefinite absence i dumped her some mutual dumping liv tyler dropped off the face of the mcu without so much as an easter egg stand and smile as the actress spends most of the movie standing and smiling as she doesn't get anything or even anyone to do i can't get too excited not even a little excited you've always wanted to see the hulk match up against a villain that could equal his powers well too bad because he's fighting the skinny british guy from reservoir dogs he's a decorated veteran with zero personal connection to bruce banner and zero thread to the hull but when he shoots himself full of tainted captain america juice he'll turn into one of the most forgettable monsters in the mcu the mixture could be an abomination that was so bad he got his ass kicked all the way into batman v superman go back to the days before marvel had this whole universe thing on autopilot where our nerd boners would only get little tastes of fan service a sequel was only lightly implied instead of blatantly setting up five more movies it put its post credit scene before the credits what if i told you we were putting a team together and didn't make a billion dollars oh that's like green planter money uh i know what it's like to not live up to expectations so strap in for this odd sequel prequel reboot origin movie that's better than we give it credit for because whatever you think about the film itself it gave us mark ruffa hulk puny god and paved the way for ed norton to join wes anderson's fancy boy cinematic universe oh man i cannot wait for the royal tenon bombs to fight steve zisa in budapest hotel infinity floor okay green goblin nobody punches out flash thompson in this quirky hotel and gets away with it starring i am jack's departure due to creative differences icky pop like a rose you all got an iron man suit that needs voicing and teenage mutant ninja heroin addict the disposable hulk in guatemala yeah it's probably not the first time a white guy got so hammered in brazil he woke up half naked in guatemala spring break 97 whoa [Music] from the poor man's joss whedon comes the forgettable follow-up to iron man that's essentially just killing time until the avengers iron man 2 the completely disappointing sequel you fooled yourself into liking simply because it had iron man in it suit up for a feature-length version of the nick fury bonus scene from the end of the first iron man which will still be unresolved by the end of this movie tony stark not not recommended we've witnessed tony stark battle global terrorism and his inner demons now prepare to see him take on his biggest challenges yet tedious government committees can you please read page 57 paragraph four you're requesting that i read specific selections from my report center yes sir corporate maneuvering it was an illegal seizure of trademark property low batteries another core has been depleted and some guy with a bird i want my board is this a bird back in russia a sequel so inferior it will replace an awesome origin story with countless subplots you won't remember as soon as you walk out of the theater a story that ditches technology grounded in reality for laughingly unrealistic magic holograms loose landscaping the shrubbery the trees parking lots exits entrances and substitutes jeff bridges with gary shandling do you or do you not possess a specialized weapon witness a superhero movie with just enough iron man action to fill a three-minute trailer but not a feature-length film trust us we counted instead sit back and prepare to watch iron man attend corporate events eat donuts dj birthday parties and pee his pants experience the epic face-off between iron man and one of marvel's least known villains whiplash who's harnessed the most dangerous modern technology ever only to waste it on a whip alfo with no known superpowers who somehow survives being crushed by a car not once [Music] not twice but four five times to defeat this madman iron man's bringing in backup and they are all just as boring as the rest of the movie pepper potts an inconsistent nag who's totally cool with her boyfriend being iron man but freaks out when he drives a car this cannot happen black widow a sexy spy shoehorned into the movie just to establish her boobs for the avengers and lieutenant colonel james rhodes nope no no not that one yeah that's the one who has the skills to perfectly fit in and pilot an iron man suit without any previous experience wait didn't tony need like half a movie to figure out how to work that thing a new chapter so thin the key to the entire plot is resolved by a 40 year old easter egg from tony's dad tony i built this for you one day you'll figure this out who decades earlier somehow knew his grown son would keep his old diorama put it in an impossible to predict holographic computer display that can magnify impossible amounts of detail and reveal the chemical makeup of an impossible to create element unfortunately it is impossible to synthesize which tony immediately synthesizes in order to wrap up all loose ends congratulations sir you have created a new element uh someone got paid to write this starring rob stark mrs coldplay better terence howard some guy in a mickey rourke mask oh that guy from um oh he was in that one movie a guy in a gary shandling mask vince vaughn's bff don draper sam elliott no uh oh man it's bugging me and hawkeye with boobs iron man 2 [Applause] sam rockwell it's sam rockwell that's the guy i'd loved him in galaxy quest [Music] prepare for a film that only exists so non-nerds will recognize the blonde guy in the avengers thor you've seen great superhero films you've seen terrible superhero films now prepare for a superhero film that's just kinda i mean i guess they did the best they could adapting a comic book about a bratty space god you are an old man and a fool journey to asgard the land of viking myth where everyone gets a pointy hat the gods live inside a cgi pipe organ and the only way in or out is through the rainbow road level from mario kart meet thor the least relatable marvel hero since dr strange he's an idiot demigod prince with a magical hammer that really needs to buy a vowel [Music] but thor isn't the only god in town meet loki thor's evil stepbrother who will stop at nothing to betray his adopted father with the help of his real father i will conceal you and you can slay him where he lies in order to betray his real father your death came by the son of odin to impress his adopted father i could have done it father for you that makes even less sense than his plan from the avengers not a great plan meet odin thor and loki's dad who pretty much guarantees that one of his kids will grow up to resent the other only one of you can ascend to the throne but both of you were born to be kings oh and all these rejects from lord of the rings game of thrones and xena warrior princess with the former god of thunder as he stripped of his powers and banished to these two square blocks in the new mexico desert there he'll acclimate to our strange earth customs like ordering in restaurants and horse purchasing i need a horse we don't have horses just dogs and give me one of those large enough to ride watch as thor turns to jane foster for help a brilliant astrophysicist with supermodel good looks that just happens to be single and who immediately falls in love with thor for no good reason make that six reasons abs so ride along with thor as he loses then regains his magic powers hooks up with jane saves two different realms from destruction and learns the virtues of patience and humility all over the course of a long weekend seriously this whole movie takes place over two and a half days starring thunder from down under pokemon the godfather idris elbow lord zett from power rangers one bro girl and port mandia thor's obligatory movie so loki dies at the end and comes back to life by the end of the credits that's gotta be some kind of record [Music] from the studio dumb enough to sell their marvel franchise rights to disney comes yet another movie that only exists to set up the avengers captain america the first avenger stand tall for a superhero movie with an important message it's what's on the inside that counts except for when it comes to fighting or being respected look at that he's making me cry or getting laid women aren't exactly lying enough to dance with the guy they might step on meet johnny storm the human torch wait no that's wrong movie meet steve rogers a grown man's head cgi'd onto a little boy's body he's a skinny kid from brooklyn who dresses like it's the 1940s so basically a modern-day kid from brooklyn watch as he becomes a superhero in the most american way possible steroids how'd you feel abs he'll juice up to become captain america a soldier with the powers of being a little bit stronger than a regular strong guy ultimate frisbee and uh super sobriety i can't get drunk forget tony stark's ridiculous 3d holograms and return to an analog world full of lever pulling [Music] switch flipping [Music] button pressing [Music] dial turning [Applause] and people calling out percentages with absolutely no context that's 10 70 that's 50 20 that's 40 60 30 60 80 40. 90. that's 100 ride along with captain america as he faces off against the evil red skull who along with everyone else in sci-fi and fantasy is played by hugo weaving cheer as the captain defeats his legendary arch-nemesis in a brisk two-minute montage all to leave more time for foreshadowing the avengers introducing the plot device from the avengers unnecessarily freezing himself so he can be in the avengers and an after credit scene that is literally a trailer for the avengers starring the 90 year old virgin tommy lee groans one face two-face red-faced ewface german capote dr strangelove the winter spoiler agent love interest and robert downey senior captain america the first avengers trailer raiders of the lost ark get it better just saying [Music] from joss whedon god of the nerds comes the movie blockbuster that finally unites the world's greatest superheroes that marvel still has the rights to the avengers the ultimate two-hour geek fantasy that blinds all nerds from admitting any legitimate criticism and put all of dc comics on suicide watch a villain who inexplicably returns from the dead will valve vengeance on the planet where his demigod brother's sort of girlfriend lives forcing this bluetooth obsessed government agency to assemble the heroes from marvel's greatest franchises except spider-man fantastic four and x-men suit up with iron man everyone's favorite secondary marvel character who must redeem himself from the god-awful iron man 2. thor who sort of pulled off his own movie but whose appearance here completely negates its ending captain america no one's favorite character who just kinda has to be there and the incredible hulk who for the sake of the plot can now suddenly control his rage i'm always in without any explanation which doesn't matter cause that shot was awesome witness the excitement i need you to get to that pension control panel of iron man repairing a spaceship for 20 minutes the thrill of generic aliens on flying jet skis the confusing energy source of the tesseract the tesseract can't fight you can't protect against yourself and it's completely unjustified fail safe the explosion that instantly kills every alien conveniently tying up all loose ends the bromance [Music] and the character in the middle of the credits who every nerd in the audience pretended to know a movie so fulfilling you won't remember that the first 45 minutes are actually kind of boring a villain so determined you need the cube to bring me home but i've sent it off i know not where you'll wonder why he's uniting the only people who can stop him in hopes of getting them to dislike each other not a great plan battles so action-packed get a lot of space stuff in your tail you won't even ask yourself how are they even all talking to each other without earpieces can anybody copy do it no wait stark these things are still coming started bore pink eye iron man pooping not edward norton the human torch leather boobs mace windu and gay bane marvel's the avengers if this doesn't make your inner eight-year-old self squeal and delight you're likely dead inside or a girl [Music] when a terrorist mastermind kidnaps the president and brings a country to its knees there's only one marvel franchise that disney can afford to call i wish actually just this guy no really just the guy not even the suit tony stark is regular man in iron man 3 prepare for an iron man movie with hardly any iron man in it and no ac dc either suit up with billionaire tony stark as he doesn't suit up in a summer blockbuster that for no reason at all takes place on christmas and see him like you've never wanted to see him before insecure i'm a piping hot mess anxious check the heart check to check that is the brain and paralyzed with fear with regular man sidelined by the whispers of children it's up to his latest creation to save the day remote control man this is a new level of lane you've seen the iron man armor hold its own against thor the god of thunder now after dozens of upgrades it runs out of batteries malfunctions falls apart falls apart again falls apart again falls apart again whatever and takes its sweet time to assemble that five four three come on two five seriously the avengers assembled faster than this but remote control man's not alone tony spent his down time building all kinds of robots that break faster than bad cosplay like forearms man choking hazard man and crane steadying juggernaut man tony and his crappy suits must pull together to face his greatest foe since alcoholism the mandarin you'll never see me coming in a timely update of the character osama bin kingsley plays the brilliant terrorist who manipulates the entire country into doing his bidding my name's trevor travis lottery wait what i'm an actor mandarin see it's not real no you can't do that they were doing such a good job then they turned him into a punch line this is iron man's arch nemesis this isn't just ignoring the comics this is dropping their pants and wiping their butt with them what bad guy did they even replace him with i am the mandarin oh come on instead we get aldrich killian an ex-nerd out for revenge after tony skipped a meeting one time and his nameless henchman with a confusing grab bag of firepowers like glowing getting hot exploding super strength regrowing limbs flame proof clothes and shooting fire out of their mouths they really just made it up as they went along huh witness the least thought out sequence of the iron man trilogy as tony stark gives his personal address to a terrorist 10 80 malibu point then goes home and puts on his only unfinished iron man suit let someone walk through his front door doesn't see the missile heading for his house until it's on the news still doesn't activate any kind of home security system or any of the 40 other remote-controlled iron man suits in his basement or have jarvis call the police or shield or an avenger so you tell me nick fury shows up for coffee and donuts but not when tony stark might be dead so watch as the iron man trilogy ends with 10 of the franchise's most disappointing minutes where killian loses to gwyneth paltrow in yoga pants all the iron man suits get blown up for no reason and tony has the operation that will make him regular man forever at least until avengers 2 starring r2dj cooper hero gandhi nerdy murtaugh vincent vega and the worst extra ever when is somebody going to kill this guy just saying and not starring the hulk thor captain america nick fury black widow hawkeye agent coulson agent maria hill salve or even the gallagher guy iron man 3 so you heard none of it i'm not that kind of doctor dude where were you the whole movie [Music] you've seen thor the film that tided fans over until the avengers now experience the film that will tide fans over until the avengers 2 thor the dark world thor is back in another perfectly adequate marvel movie that pleasantly killed a few hours of your time with enough cool visuals action and humor to keep you from wondering why does the elf man want to shoot magic kool-aid into the sky holes return for another post avengers movie full of references to the avengers you're in new york that was for new york but no actual avengers instead of earth's mightiest heroes watch thor team up once again with heimdall the watchful guardian who can see everything except for the spy and thor's girlfriend concealer and this gigantic spaceship directly above him the warriors three who are so replaceable they switched out one of the actors and you totally didn't notice and everyone's favorite loki the charismatic trickster who no one should trust by now you still don't trust me brother would you no idiot when he's not battling yet another forgettable bad guy watch as the mighty thor mopes around asgard in the snuggie because he's still hung up on a girl he's been one long weekend with and hasn't called in two years where were you natalie portman returns as jean grey from the x-men phoenix saga with the help of her wacky sidekick her other wacky sidekick and her other wacky sidekick's wacky sidekick they'll discover the convergence a piece of science mumbo jumbo everyone keeps trying to explain once a cycle all the world's aligned the alignment is only temporary he must be in exactly the right place at the right time physics is going to go ballistic increases and decreases in gravity spatial extrusions whatever can we just see thor hit something with a hammer again thank you travel across the nine realms ranging from earth to vanaheim to svubs fought off sparta to asgard home of the most penetrable impenetrable city ever so ride along with the god of thunder we are not gods so ride along with the guy of thunder for another celebration of the male form in all its beauty featuring ass tush and pixelated balls starring gail's brother natalie portwoman four loki goldeneye the nutty professor an oscar ken jennings stanley and mugatu thor the dark world now you're thinking with portals [Music] you weren't that impressed with his first movie he wasn't your favorite avenger now get ready for the sequel that made everyone say holy who knew captain america kicked so much ass captain america the winter soldier the captain is back and he didn't skip leg day thrill as he ditches his lame avenger suit for a cool new one and shows off the full range of his vaguely defined superpowers like super gymnastics super throwing super catching and super jumping out of stuff [Music] is he wearing a parachute when he's not kicking ass or taking names follow cab as he spends his free time freaking out kids at museums hanging with his gift and catching up on the last 60 years of pop culture i'll put it on the list man star wars must have blown his mind when hydra returns cab needs to take him out by forming a team he can trust including black widow a sneaky double agent who he really shouldn't trust and falcon a random guy he met on the street sam wilson steve rogers watch his cab and two non-superheroes end up actually taking a lot of ass together in a really entertaining well-directed movie what we have to be honest it's good but since honest trailers is a comedy series get ready for nitpicking prepare for the shocking revelation that hydra has been secretly growing inside of shield all along despite the fact that the previous marvel movies really didn't do anything to set that up and get ready to try to ignore questions like when did nick fury stop wearing the bulletproof vest that saved his life in the avengers why didn't tony stark find out about hydra when he decrypted all of shield's files in a few hours i'll know every dirty secret shield has ever tried to hide how did an agency that employs thousands of people hide the fact that half of its agents were members of a secret nazi death cult for over 60 years if shield had their hands on the tesseract for so long why didn't hydra just use that to take over the world that was the red skull's plan in the first place right and he was the og hydra and if nick fury was such a threat why didn't hyder try to kill him before he saved tony stark's life thought out their greatest enemy and assembled a team of superheroes that would almost certainly stop any evil plans they had for the future see we told you it'd be nitpicking so sit back and enjoy the best standalone marvel movie since iron man full of awesome action awesome cameos and one awesome twist they run into the ground where bucky turns out to still be alive and dr zola turns out to still be alive and nick fury turns out to still be alive and crossbone turns out to okay no one ever really dies in this movie still great though starring american austin powers maddie moody unfrozen caveman soldier lucy falcon punch robert red toyota and hail hard drive captain america he's cool now so cap that's the safety of the free world on two people not wanting to buy gum not a great plan okay okay we got it keep your star pads on [Music] without the rights to some of its most popular titles and its biggest stars contracts about to expire watch marvel studios scrape the bottom of the barrel for their obscure 70s comic book that barely anyone read proving once and for all will see anything if you slap marvel's name in front of it guardians of the galaxy suit up for marvel's attempt at star wars in a science fantasy adventure about heroes you've never heard of star who protecting a planet none of them live on from an underdeveloped alien villain whose problems you couldn't care less about we're really reaching here this was a fun movie journey across the galaxy to meet this gang of lovable misfits there's captain star-lord from america the human leader from a different time and place like captain america gamora the black widow-ish leather-clad female assassin like black widow drax the guy with the killer abs who doesn't understand our customs in a thor kind of way groot a big hulking tree get it and rocket the wisecracking tech genius with a drinking problem like tony stark what i'm trying to say is they're the space avengers but i guess it's technically not stealing if they're ripping off themselves watch the guardians race to find an excuse for more avengers sequels by chasing after the infinity stone an orb of world conquering power that no one bothers to guard and a gem so powerful it can kill you just by touching it unless you're this guy or you can join hands to disperse its power unless you're these guys or you can just jam it into a hammer and use it safely from there it's best not to think about it too hard you thought the avengers was nerdy you ain't seen nothing yet between all the action and comedy get ready for a whole lot of space mumbo jumbo i will unfurl 1 000 years of cree justice on xendor what's important now is we get the ravager's army to help us save xandar so we can give the stone to yondu and the remnants of these systems were forged into concentrated ingots then if you can figure any of that out try to figure out why this blue alien isn't working with this blue alien who's working for this blue alien to kill this green alien who both want to kill this purple alien as does this christmas colored alien but if you get confused just remember the hero is still the white guy so experience the swagger of a movie studio trunk on its own power as marvel trolls the world with balls out middle fingers to the audience they know they have in the palm of their hands oh you like superheroes well how about a movie that stars a raccoon in a tree you like vin diesel yeah well we cast him and he only says one line you want more pedigreed actors we'll put him in stupid outfits and make them say space all nova pilots interlock and form a blockade because who doesn't want to be in a marvel movie hey recognize that chubby idiot from parks and rec we're gonna turn him into a sex symbol that would be hilarious remember the worst movie we ever made howard the duck stick that after the credits when everyone's expecting avengers 2. it'll totally with our fans and they'll love it anyways speaking of which remember thanos from that one scene at the end of the avengers a few years ago well we're bringing him back and he's still not doing why because you we're marvel that's why what are you gonna do watch dc [Applause] thought so starring marvel chris number three green natieri draxon drax off chewbarka the blue man group dr steve rule and darkseid marvel space avengers [Music] okay i get where star-lord's walkman came from but where do you get a tape deck for a spaceship galaxy shack [Music] after the mind-blowing success of the avengers the game-changing thrills of the winter soldier and the unexpected surprise of guardians of the galaxy you thought there was no way the next avengers could live up to the hype you were right avengers age of ultron i mean it's definitely good just not great you know what i mean like certainly enjoyable but you know oh man we're gonna catch hell for this aren't we when the mandarin seemingly killed iron man and took the president hostage the avengers didn't assemble when malekith almost destroyed the universe the avengers didn't assemble and when a terrorist organization infiltrated shield and came just seconds away from killing millions the avengers still didn't assemble but when a remote hydra base might be hiding something every single avenger is assembling all up in his business for even more group shots hey does that mean we can finally stop using this one joss whedon is back at the helm and more beat down than ever in the second one the job just got harder oh i have all these restrictions but i also have all these guidelines as he does his best to meet our unrealistic nerd expectations and tries to make a standalone sequel as good as empire strikes back or godfather 2 that also sets up civil war every time someone tries to win a war before it starts innocent people die and sets up infinity war the mind stone is the fourth of the infinity stones to show up in the last few years and sets up thor ragnarok we are all dead can you not see him and sets up black panther nada wakanda and fits in disney corporate cross promotions i have no strings so i have fun in a juggling act so insanely difficult he turned down the sequel quit twitter and doesn't have any new films in development oh uh guys i think we just broke joss whedon he needs a hug experience the movie equivalent of emptying out your entire toy box and smashing all your action figures into each other as the avengers roster blows even further with vision scarlet witch and quicksilver who for some reason are never called vision scarlet witch or quicksilver one is a lame russian knockoff of the x-men that fox did way better one has hand-wavy mind control powers and can also stop trains and the other is a beam-shooting 3d printed vibranium robot plus jarvis plus the mind stone who can fly and makes capes what can one of you guys explain vision to me i have no idea who or what he is you've seen great marvel movie villains like loki and no no no definitely not not even close huh guess it's still just loki now get ready for another generically evil one-off villain who hates the avengers 4 reasons with an overcomplicated plot to evolve and or destroy the world by turning an eastern european city into a meteor not a great plan you've been waiting for years to see your heroes come together again now watch them fight for limited screen time full of rushed side plots like black widow's black swan school thor's magic jacuzzi if the water spirits accept me i can return to my dream captain america's old party thing and the most out of left-field love story since spock and uhura but don't worry there's still plenty of time left over for your least favorite avenger to become your third or fourth least favorite avenger oh hawkeye good for you we like you now get ready for everything you loved about the first avengers movie all over again mind control again looking for loki scepter again a thanos tease again a final showdown against a faceless army with a ticking clock again and tons of crips well i'm decrypting nuclear codes and you don't want me to use guys multiplying faster than a catholic rabbit we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up andy did a bank seat at the crime scene with the benefit of hindsight stop quipping it's good talk no it wasn't i didn't say you could leave you're all not worthy language you son of a you kiss your mother with that mouth then banner better not be plain hide the zucchini really you've never made an omelet you beat me by one second oh man these things are going to be insufferable when ant-man and star-lord show up starring mr rogers hank pym beats by bruce good luck finding her action figure archer farm and furious so that's what andy circus looks like resting witchface the quick and the dead cgi bombs super siri skynet and the new avengers yay avengers roughly one week of ultron i'm calling it the shield helicarrier will become the mcu's eagles are coming [Music] [Music] from edgar wright until he refused to get in line comes a movie based on a superhero so ridiculous you'll swear marvel's choosing their projects on a dare ant-man you've seen marvel movies based on green giants norse gods and these weirdos now get ready for a hero so silly no one can even keep a straight face when they say his dumb name ant-man and man is it too late to change the name in this super-powered heist film that against all odds actually kind of works i mean it's still more believable than letting someone join the avengers just because they're good with a bow and arrow right meet scott lang say yes scott wait nope not that one yeah that's the guy a master thief who gets busted every time he tries to get away with anything hey little guy his life will change when he meets hank pym the billionaire industrialist who lost control of his company to a bald former ally who betrays him and plots to use his advanced suit technology for evil and if that sounds familiar it's because it's the exact same premise as the first iron man movie if it ain't broke i mean seriously it even has that friend staring at the suit though wearing the sequel moment next time baby it's about damn time thrill at amazing visual effects that makes 70 year old michael douglas look like 60 year old michael douglas and has harmless locations pulsed with epic danger like a briefcase a toy train set and michael pena's junk in some of the most high high-stakes fights between tiny people since frodo vs gollum proving marvel still hasn't run out of ways for guys to punch each other in the face or in this movie's case sucker punch and now it's gonna blow up in your face that's how you punch prepare for a movie that would be really stale without paul rudd doing paul rudd things because most of it is hank pym yammering on about some boring science crap i use electromagnetic waves to stimulate their olfactory nerve center you must retrieve this prototype of a signal decoy i created a formula that altered atomic relative distance huh she turned off her regulator he went subatomic but separates itself from the other 11 mcu movies with a few unique twists like making another schlubby comedian get abs for a superhero role actually getting you to care about disgusting insect monsters no not anthony oh man i like that one because he had a name and saying the one thing everyone's been yelling at the screen since phase two started i think our first move should be calling the avengers so strap in for the best micro movie since honey i shrunk the kids as marvel proves once again they can literally sell you anything and they don't even have to try that hard to sell it ants huh story i love you mant tony stark senior wasp machine the only latino in the mcu ti as himself as the biggest avenger they could get thomas and the mantjic railroad and disposable marvel villain number nine tiny iron man man after this one i cannot imagine these movies getting any strange oh yeah forgot about that [Music] you've seen them fight as hero versus hero you've seen them fight as friend versus friend now the greatest threat to the avengers is it's gonna be themselves again isn't it yep that's what happens when your villains kind of suck captain america civil war loosely based on the comic book crossover event comes the epic struggle that has your favorite heroes asking is it better to be dickishly stubborn if i see a situation pointed south i can't ignore it or stubbornly dickish sometimes i want to punch you in your perfect teeth in a film that settles a moral and political debate the only way superheroes know how by beating the crap out of each other take that regulatory oversight the government wants to rein in the avengers for when they recklessly save the entire world from aliens that other time when they save the entire world from a secret nazi death cult and again save the entire world from the army of murder robots they created okay that one is on them ultron now captain america must get in line or face the prospect of an all-out civil war or at least one group sparring session you're pulling your punches one real fight and a nice letter reminding us that everything is still hunky-dory tony if you need me i'll be there what you thought there'd be lasting stakes come on this is marvel we're talking about cap is back and he's still a total beefcake leading a team of rebels alongside his quippy black best friend because you're gonna have to go mark furman on my ass hawkeye who's great in small doses and man who's there scarlet witch who's still doing vague hand wavy stuff and bucky the man whose haircut was frozen in the 90s opposing them is team iron man his quippy black best friend yes this is this is tony stank black widow who's still scissoring anyone she can get her legs around black panther the king of giving monologues into the middle distance dead it's not the end a mantel passed from warrior to warrior if i can help one of them find peace whatever the hell vision is do you know i don't know what this is yeah neither do we buddy and the best version of spider-man complete with a pre-murdered uncle ben hey um i'm peter tony if tony gives him the great power great responsibility speech i am so out of here thrill as these former friends become enemies thanks to the evil zemo a man out for revenge by framing the winter soldier for the murder of king to chaka which will uh hold on i forgot can we roll zemo's plan again [Music] uh-huh yeah rex's car really stealing a book okay not sure he drowned in that sink though okay that makes sense there's no way he knew those guys were gonna show up wait so he called the mate from russia ah the old captured on purpose boy someone's been reading loki's plan oh this is dumber than luther's not a great plan uh can we just play the airport scene again oh that's so cool he was like the size of an ant now he's a giant experience a film that's more than just mindless action it's also about love watch tony stark deal with a heartbreak of dating someone whose contract expired after iron man 3. we're taking a break the weird flirtation of this weird british christmas robot and this weird witch who puts him in the front hole and the greatest love story of all as steve rogers once again pines for the plums of the man that only he and tumblr really care about as he tries to redeem this brainwashed killer caveman for the second movie in a row i don't know if i'm worth all this steve while ignoring two perfectly good boyfriends who are right there in front of his face we need you kim and now he has to go in the run before he can seal the deal with peggy carter's niece 90 years old and this guy is still a virgin someone please have sex with captain america already hell you know what i'll do it i'll bend over right now so go enjoy the hero vs hero movie that everyone loved instead of the hero vs hero movie that most everyone hated even though they're a lot more similar than anyone would like to admit featuring a non-superpowered villain tricking a symbol of america into fighting a billionaire playboy using an incoherent plan that includes blowing up a meeting of government officials and using the hero's moms to manipulate them save martha i don't care he killed my mom that ends with an ominous warning from a prison cell and sets up a universe worth of spin-offs along the way oh cue the airport scene again oh come on ah that's better starring barnes and noble robert downey jr junior man lisandra awesomeo jeremy againer put a bird on it walkie road the spectacular sony man tahala womb raider another blue marvel villain you know cause he said brian fantanta and giant location headers vienna queens 1991 cleveland wait there's no reason to get that excited about cleveland captain america three avengers 2.5 boy that escalated quickly that's you right so how did tony know that peter parker was spider-man would he just break into every teenage boy's bedroom in new york until he got lucky oh wait hang on that sounded really bad [Music] after ant-man asked the question you ever watch iron man but small marvel's latest solo movie invites you to ask another you ever watch iron man on weed doctor strange experience the grand illusion that you haven't seen this movie before as you sit through the heroic origins of a cocky but capable super rich wisecracking workaholic with a weird goatee in love with a redheaded subordinate learning to be less selfish played by a famous sherlock holmes actor it's like iron man but actually that's it it's pretty much just like iron man magic has come to the marvel universe and not that it's just science bs that thor went on about your ancestors called it magic and you call it science we're talking acid trip 70s black light poster magic that bends space and time and new plot-breaking ways and uses mind-blowing effects to distract you from the fact that the action is still 90 punchy um shouldn't that hurt his hands you cringed when he tried to do a southern accent power didn't go out i i forgot to set the clock i'm sorry mom you weren't sure if he was serious when he attempted a boston one you know what john good to see you doing so well now benedict cumberbatch will sound like an english man pretending to be a german man pretending to be an american in a feature-length tribute to hans gruber accent and die hard when he gets caught by bruce willis please god no you're one of them you care so much don't you benny bobby your natural voice is perfect use it joining the titular strange on his journey from act one protagonist to act three protagonists are side characters and villains who are up to the usual marvel standard chihuatel engie four who's just kind of there to explain things temporal manipulations can create branches in time this is a relic the sanctums protect the world and we sorcerers protect the sanctums that's mickelson playing a bad guy with weird eyes for the third time in his career whose entire plan revolves around successfully ripping some pages out of a book to summon a malevolent demon who he hoax won't enslave the human race not a great plan tilda swinton a being of immense power bravely guarding the marvel cinematic universe from asian actors she's celtic and this cloak with more personality than any of the human beings [Applause] stop man i want to see that cloak crossover with the rug and aladdin so bad enjoy a visual masterpiece that has to be seen in 3d on a giant screen to be fully appreciated because when you watch it on a laptop you realize just how much of it is medical mumbo jumbo we need to get a prep for suboccipital craniotomy i'm fusing transected spinal cords i'm stimulating neurogenesis in the central nervous system pass a stent down the brachial artery under the radial artery it's a complete c7 c8 spinal cord injury with a heaping side order of magic mumbo jumbo the dark dimension makes them more powerful in the mirror dimension saw the rituals in the book of kagliosa i pushed your astral form out of your physical form the wand of a tomb the vaulting boots of valtor phases of case of their stall a ritual to contact the mamu and draw power from the dark dimension when guardium levios suck me sideways this is unnecessary just shoot laser beams out of your wand and be done with it so enjoy a film that despite its faults doesn't fall into the third act trap of battling a cgi army into sky beam saves money by replaying the same scene 13 times in a row and sends a powerful message to the children modern medicine can't be trusted my spirit deepened and somehow your body healed yes and don't text and dry because you might end up turning into a wizard starring benedict wong benedict white bordeaux morpheus you mads bro night nurse circle hands hands on hands on hands on hands on hands on hands and ricky bobby hands [Music] i'm not sure what to do with my hands stranger things so cumberbatch did the motion capture for dormammu himself man he really likes to goof around leotards huh none can stop me [Music] from marvel and james gunn the director and studio who surprised everyone with guardians of the galaxy comes a cool looking super fun laugh out loud but ultimately kind of forgettable sequel what it's still better than all the other marvel part 2s except for winter soldier is that better guardians of the galaxy vol 2 [Music] blast off again with marvel's space avengers a team of misfits who learned how to work together in their first movie then turned back into aho so they can learn it all over again like a professional ass little one in this playful action comedy where the heroes never really get hurt the danger never really feels that imminent and the jokes definitely don't fall flat but let's be honest they aren't as funny as the characters think they are [Laughter] okay guys it's it's funny you know scale it back a little [Laughter] hey let me decide when to laugh all right just shut up catch up with all your favorite heroes like star-lord who discovers he's the son of a god and a well i don't know what you're talking about but i like the way you say it gamora who ditches the strong silent badass trope to become a strong silent badass with the more interesting sister an ad for baby groot toys rocket whose eyes don't work apparently damn it i'm using my left eye i'm using my wrong eye again aren't i if it's how eyesight works you stupid raccoon did i miss something newcomer mantis with the power of getting roasted by everyone you are horrifying to look at i never thought she'd be able to do it with as weak and skinny as she appears to be oh i'm imagining being with you physically including herself i'm certainly grateful to be ugly and drax the once tragic warrior who's become an aggressively dumb sex freak did you make a penis i like a woman with some meat on her bones my father would tell the story of impregnating my mother i have sensitive nibbles it would make my nether regions and gorgeous okay look you have a good thing going with drax don't take it too far and urkel your best character prepare for an episode of my two dads in space in a film that's so high on friends being your real family you'll swear you're watching a fast and furious movie i finally found my family i thought you already had you are not friends you're right we're family i don't have friends i got family space dad one is ego the living planet of exposition i call it the expansion it is my purpose now it is yours as he proves everything's better with kurt russell making ego the living planet grounded and relatable until he goes full marvel villain and becomes a blue alien made of sky beams who wants to rule the universe while space dad 2 proves that everything is better with michael rooker as yondu is retconned into a good guy who just wanted to be a good pappy all to create maximum emotional impact when he's killed off in the most tragic marvel death since uh no she was in her 90s so he came back he came back he came back he came back twice he came back on tv quicksilver wow i guess it's yondu by default i'm very popping y'all so get ready for a great time at the theater as they bring back everything you loved about the first movie the music the slo-mo walks and the insane visuals to the things you didn't think could come back like the laughing at the dumb name bit star-lord who your name is it's taserface rocket having someone steal a fake body part for him i was just kidding about the leg what no i thought i thought it'd be funny was it buddy he's not gonna know where his eye is and undercutting most of the serious dramatic moments with jokes even the emotional climax of the film i tried so hard to find the form that best suited you it's okay marvel we've been following these movies for 10 years now you can let us go without a chuckle for 10 minutes finally get to be the father i've always wanted to be excuse me gotta take a whiz maybe not starring arthur meme han brolo grina warrior princess big blue beetle borg drak shepard i emerge star fox do a barrel roll whistle while you murk mantis toboggan ego the planet and ready player one dead rock the movie it's called a zune it's what everybody's listening to on earth nowadays oh the zune is from the early 2000's i don't think starla is going to be happy when he finds out what happened to rock and roll [Music] since 2002 we've had six movies two reboots and three spider-man now just when audiences might be getting a little sick of the franchise marvel swoops in to deliver a crowd-pleasing comedy that's going to keep spider-man in theaters until the freaking sun burns out of the sky spider-man homecoming toby maguire couldn't keep it up andrew garfield couldn't get it started but tom holland hits the ground swinging in a great reboot that just assumes you're all caught up in the mcu pretty sure this guy's a war criminal now but whatever complete with a glossed over origin story an actor who doesn't have premature old face and a villain who doesn't already have some forced personal connection to peter park unless he's dead all right two out of three ain't bad witness a brand new take on spider-man he's a millennial now who can't stay off his phone what is the current standard unit i'll take this real quick i'll only be exactly fine constantly vlogs watches himself on youtube and has zero patience for anything hey how long we've been here anyways 37 minutes what he's got all the usual spider skills plus a powerful new one never facing consequences for his actions whether he's getting away with ditching detention hey where you going get back here quitting on his team you can't just quit on a stroll up and be welcome back hey welcome back peter falsely imprisoning people shouldn't steal cars is bad it's my car dumb ass wrecking a car wrecking a store wrecking a ferry or wrecking his girlfriend's entire life whatever's going on with you i hope you figure it out you can be sure this web slinger will get off with no more than a stern talking to you're a good kid and you're a smart kid so just try to keep your head straight okay all right all right get out of here well the older i get the more i relate to j jones and jameson he's a menace to the entire city i want that wall crawling erected prosecuted you've seen him as batman and birdman now prepare for michael keaton's third wing creature role as the vulture he's a blue-collar guy who gets shafted by stark industries and instead of filing a lawsuit against a billionaire clearly in the wrong he'll build a giant bird mech jet pack you'll be bored stiff when vulture fights spider-man in bland cgi slug fests but genuinely scared when he's just being michael keaton were you scared i bet you're glad when your old pal spider-man showed up in the elevator though sorry uncle ben and richard parker there's a new absentee dad in town tony stark iron man is back as the drunk rich stepfather you'd expect him to be who'll build you a killer robot suit activating instant kill send you into battle at 15 then literally phone in his parenting until you screw up enough to get his attention okay it's not working out i'm going to need the suit back really tony you just bought your best friend over keeping tabs on superheroes and you just let your pet superhero run amok is anyone paying attention to the timeline anymore this is approaching x-men levels of sloppy so she sends bishop back in time now just his consciousness into his younger self wow so enjoy another super smash hit whose success was far from guaranteed with two competing studios fighting for control six different screenwriters and a director with just two low-budget indies to his name dang it's like sony finally cracked the code on how to make the spider-verse happen let marvel do the work starring tom netherlands drunkel stark only winners do drugs chef the disembodied voice of jennifer connolly you can call me karen if you would like marissa tomei vulture or the unexpected virtue of casting michael keaton technically in the movie tony ravioli mary pixie jane girl hey there martin star now not not your asian sidekick and wonder woman the perks of being a wall crawler bold move putting a set piece in an elevator shaft spider-man can't catch a break with that [Music] from marvel studios [Music] the new logo is still going all right i'll wait [Music] from still going [Music] all right here it comes from [Music] jeez how long is this thing just cut it off nobody has time for that great now we're running behind it's thor thor ragnarok after the dark world marvel is back with a radical new formula for the thor films not making them suck yes in an installment that trims all the dead weight off the franchise from his love interest sorry to hear that jane dumps you to his homeland to his friends you could name with a gun to your head to his right eye to his dad his hair dang even his hammer they just trimmed all the weight off huh it's like the whole franchise got on hemsworth's steamed chicken diet meet thor god of thunder who despite being able to shoot lightning from his hands spends most of the film getting electrocuted when thor's father luke skywalkers himself into the afterlife his sister hella goddess of pointy things will return to claim the throne in an epic family feud that will make you wonder are we sure thor wasn't the adopted one put him next to hello loki and young anthony hopkins and tell me he's not the odd got out the real as indie comedy director taika waititi takes the reigns of a giant superhero movie because when you're part of a 14 billion global franchise ytf not now it's out with the old and in with the jokes behold my stuff where boring exposition scenes get tagged by jokes i will tower over the mountains and bury my sword deep in asgard hang on give it a second badass moments get tagged by jokes you wanted to know who i am [Music] and even heartfelt emotional beats get tagged by jokes piss off ghosts yeah they overdo it sometimes but this is a movie where an orgy spaceship shoots fireworks over the rainbow bridge where hulk fights a zombie wolf if you're mad at tries to make you laugh too you're doing it wrong follow thor's exile on sakaar a collection of the galaxy's most colorful gladiators garbage and gold blues he's going to get him first and thrill as it turns into the closest thing we'll get to a planet hulk movie where bruce banner awakens to find he spent the last two years of his life as an enslaved killing machine i've been hulk for two years what the hell happened and take all of nine minutes to get over it you want revenge um and i'm just undecided together they'll team up with new additions to the thorny verse like the depressive alcoholic valkyrie drinks a taika waititi made of rocks crucible and a mute bug with knives for arms and they still have more personality than the warriors three dodge that bullet lady sif but don't worry you still got it coming enjoy the first marvel film where everything actually looks like a classic marvel comic book that reminds us all thor is a cosmic viking created by nerds on acid in the 60s it should look crazy with the best bridge sequence since deadpool the best two man laser fights in starship troopers and the best vehicle chase sequence where the hero jumps out to take the bad guys down by hand since all the other ones [Music] [Music] hey we found marvel's new sky beam yay so get pumped for what's easily the best thor movie also the best hulk movie probably the best doctor strange movie the second best guardians movie and shoot probably the best he-man movie we're ever gonna get to that hopefully talked marvel an important lesson don't fire the weirdo embrace him embrace that weirdo starring happy thor dot gif i am lord yaya ya actual jeff goldblum for the horde ben tim someone get this woman an untitled standalone movie timed all the time they were able to get idris l before she's so thorny george r.r martin sure contractually locked into a cameo sorak the current state of the dc eu could it be satan and thor the 4d experience coming summer 2020 to disney's california adventure flash thorden look at these lies [Music] note to self before commissioning a propaganda mural depicting my peaceful rise to power don't commission another mural depicting the horrible horrible truth [Music] after 17 movies the mcu finally went black putting out a black crude black cast superhero movie that's one of the best ever released leaving its haters with only one option watching every other mcu movie ever made black panther just when you thought chadwick boseman had called dibs on every black icon he's suiting up as black panther a superhero with a high-tech suit of iron man the all-natural steroids of captain america and the invisible jet of wonder woman but one thing sets him apart from all the other mcu heroes not cause he's black not cause he's royalty nope it's cause this marvel hero just won't quit people are shooting at me wait let me put on my helmet enough you froze we will not help you did he freeze like an antelope in headlines are you finished well his dad just died and he didn't even crack a joke i thought you had to be a smart ass to save the world dance off bro journey to wakanda a combination of the jetsons and a 1990s jet magazine it's the source of all the world's vibranium a material so powerful it tops tony stark's tech and doctor strange's magic as the bs that can do whatever the script needs it to do there's vibranium on those trains it's vibranium all around us that's how i healed you this secret kingdom has been hidden for centuries thanks to an ironclad policy of asking people not to say anything you speak nothing of these days but after sitting out the slave trade brutal dictators two world wars multiple alien invasions and a sentient ai using stolen vibranium to destroy the earth they're finally ready to get involved in bay area real estate i bought this building and that's a prediction and that one over there kidding steps you guys after taking 18 movies to get six quality villains cry as marvel takes just three movies to cut it back to two maybe one but for one shining moment we had claw andy circus's joyous betrayal of a guy who doesn't have to wear a mocap suit but that was awesome that was awesome and killmonger michael b jordan's michael jordan of marvel villains hey auntie he's the buffest dude to ever graduate from mit who's ribbed for your pleasure and who actually wins the moral argument and changes the hero's mind where was wakanda all of you are wrong to turn your backs on the rest of the world so wait killmonger was right i am not used to this much nuance in my marvel villains quick make him choke an old lady so i know who to root for oh there he is while the boys are at play it's the women of black panther who do all the work like okoye literal snatcher of wigs shuri expert in weaponized memes what are those angela bassett as herself and nakia who after all the debate between t'challa and killmonger was making the same case all along and never got the credit for it wakanda is strong enough to help others and protect ourselves at the same time also she saved the royal family let's go also she saved the future of the black panther wow i am not used to this much agency in my marvel of interest quick have her get rescued so i know who the heroes are so enjoy this movie with great acting i must write these wrongs a great story great things and great cultural significance that almost lets you forget the underdeveloped love stories would you kill me in my life the terrible cgi or the big forgettable third act brouhaha in other words it's a marvel movie starring the superhero formerly known as prince oh there's wallace lupita you're so fine you're so funny blow my mind lupita lupita fear the shaving head bilbo watson token token white guy's joke the best disney princess war dog way of the samurai buster bluth got out i bless the trains down in africa and the arsenio hall show the aristocat you know his heart's in the right place but maybe don't let everett ross keep any guys with one arm in custody guys over too [Music] from the thanos of hollywood comes what could be the best movie marvel's ever made but without a doubt is the most movie marvel's ever made man there is just so much movie in this movie look at all that movie avengers infinity war journey into a new era of the mcu where after 10 years of having to streamline their plots so normies would know what's happening marvel's gotten so big they'll drop you right into episode 19 part one of two without wasting a second on who anyone is or why you should care because let's face it you're either on this hype train by now or the winter soldier using rocket raccoon as a sidearm won't mean to you don't you see they're both cyborgs rebelling against their destructive programming dad why aren't you listening to me are you yawning all your favorite heroes are here like tony stark the scientist who finds out magic exists and takes it in stride he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard but literally can't even when another quippy guy with a goatee shows up what is your job exactly besides making balloon animals star lord whose entire first movie was completely undone we'd like to express our profound gratitude for your help in saving xandar he decimated zanda and takes it in stride but literally can't even when another buff guy with blonde hair shows up you mocking me he's trying to copy captain america who heroically accepts his reduced role as guy who knows a guy can we do that not me not here i know somewhere who could find vision then probably steve rogers black panther whose lack of screen time proves no one knew how big of a deal he'd be and spider-man the boy who'd rather hit you right into space and die then stay home and be in venom you me both kid but they're not alone because all these other characters are also back like bruce banner a man in desperate need of a phase 3 recap video tony you've lost another superbot who's scott ant-man there's an ant-man and a spider-man avengers broke up or toast like a band like like the beatles scarlet witch the x-man who's completed her halle berry arc of losing her weird accent as the movies go on everybody is afraid of something well there are people who are expecting me too you know we both made promises gamora the emotional center of the whole story and the best actor didn't see that one coming loki slightly more dead than the last two times the rest of the guardians pre-james gun petition ah those were simpler times a few weeks ago and bucky the one-armed artisanal goat cheese farmer but they're not alone either because holy crap there are so so many people in this movie like rhodey okoye mantis vision falcon wong shuri mbaku red skull nick fury oh hey where you been thunderbolt ross again okay marissa hall right is that her name pepper hey last phase one girlfriend standing good for you nit nedry and hawkeye's name where's clint wow the only heroes missing are the ones on all those netflix shows kevin feige hates next time iron fist next time or not for all the characters crammed into this thing thrill as it centers around a buff bald guy trying to grow his rock collection they're minerals jesus no thanos he's been looking for the infinity stone so long he's changed color twice and after he vowed in age of ultron to do it himself i'm doing it myself he waited like seven whole movies including two that took place in space and then boldly sent more of his kids to do it for him you sir are a really bad stepfather but dang what a great daddy oh yeah watch these movies catch up to one of comics longest running traditions briefly killing people off to goose sails where with a single snap of the fingers disney erased the box office potential of black panther spider-man five sevens of the guardians doctor strange the winter soldier and one third of the avengers and if you think these deaths are gonna stick for longer than a movie i've got a copy of the death of superman to sell you i mean it's still in the original bag mean condition with the armband too come on no one how about the death of tony stark dead the captain america how about thor nick fury hawkeye okay how about a copy of infinity gauntlet where the same thing happens and they all come back just fine cool cool so cool starring who throws a moon honestly four stooges beards of no nation he was a one-eyed blonde thor flying purple people beater under armour dumbo portal combat too long thanks for nothing signed the avengers shorty laforge a hologram for the king teen titan blow it wasn't me it was the one-armed stan doo-doo-doo-doo-doo red dead redemption and the dustus league welcome game of stones so we're just gonna give him a pass for pretending this was a standalone movie yeah yeah we [Music] are as the mcu reaches its darkest hour killing half of your favorite heroes in an instant marvel's next movie will answer the least important question on everyone's minds where was paul rudd ant-man in the wasp return to the franchise that everyone likes but no one really cares about in this satisfying episode of marvel season three episode eight and while you don't need to see the first ant-man to know what's going on you definitely need to catch up on captain america civil war especially if you're in the movie i really screwed up because they didn't tell me when we started this but i should go see captain america so when i read the script for this i had no idea the beginning what was going on you are everyone's dad right now mr douglas and i love you for it the cutest marvel white boy not named chris returns as ant-man the hero who toes the line between effortless charm and just plain effortless he'll team up once again with hank pym the guy who invented an end to world hunger then used it to build fighting suits pope van dyne the first female marvel hero in a movie title and like the fifth female marvel hero playing the series when rolling her eyes at a goofy male counterpart and louise who makes up for being the mcu movie's only mexican character by being the absolute most mexican character oh my lisa had a box in a restaurant yeah only played morrissey embark on a feature-length game of capture the lab i've arranged some buyers for your lab you got the lab got to get that lab back we need to regroup and figure out where the lab is tim's lab is gone get my lab i want that lab i'll get the lab cloud birch got the lab i got the lab i got the lab [Music] as our heroes race to save michelle pfeiffer from 30 years in the quantum realm a cgi wonderland made of doctor strange outtakes easter eggs and i guess beauty supplies because she came out of there looking nice but hot on their tails is ghost a girl who just wants to cure her chronic pain and gets the snot beaten out of her for trying that'll teach you not to want pain and last but definitely least sunny burj a regular guy with a couple of goons a tan suit and a crappy restaurant i guess i've also committed numerous health code violations in my restaurant come on where's his tech super moss he's going after four of the strongest smartest people in the mcu with nothing but a cell phone and a dream oh come on iron fist could beat this guy iron fist enjoy all the visual and memory you've come to expect where little things are in big end and big things are constantly belittled if you two are finished comparing sizes creating awesome action scenes that spin in the face of physics but according to marvel you can make science do anything if you just slap the word quantum on it quantum realm quantum technology quantum anomaly quantum phase quantum spectrometer and quantum system quantum energy quantum research quantum void quantum entanglement between the quantum states quantum healing particles you guys just put the word quantum in front of everything hey stop calling out your own lazy explanations that's our job so enjoy a film that managed to be funny and compelling with good action and great effects that would have blown everyone's mind less than 10 years ago this is awesome but because it doesn't further marvel's 19 movie super pot enough nerds will treat it like a pesky insect um how many planets do they visit just one a pass i don't get out of bed for anything less than a celestial a good day sir starring big hero shtix smalling down if you like it then you should have put a thing on it dumb zemo definitely not nick fury i'm not lawrence pittsburgh office park a bug's wife uh phasing anthony mackey and kevin and the feiges west coast avengers uh i hope all the furniture was bolted down before you did that also i hope you have a septic tank because those toilets are not hooked up to anything [Music] from mark oh it's all stan lee cameos that's not fair you're gonna make me cry we haven't even started yet marvel is taking it back to the first avenger no not that one this avenger before all the new ones like ant-man well not that ant-man before black panther at least well after t'chaka was black panther but before t'challa right uh look i don't know it's it's the 90s okay she's the 90s one captain marvel journey to holla and meet captain marvel a girl with the power of spaceship she's a snarky flying soldier with amnesia on a quest to recover her true identity a snarky flying soldier without amnesia just don't tell her how to feel i'm too emotional there's nothing more dangerous to a warrior an emotion you struggle with your emotions do not let your emotions override your judgment can you keep your emotions in check long enough to take me on because this hotshot pilot likes to keep it in neutral we'll get to the bottom of these fears together okay you okay dreams again carol calm down you're getting too emotional okay breathe the cree is not alone like every marvel hero she needs someone to smirk at like yon rogg her problematic yoda maria rambo her marvel issued black friend annette benning in a dual role as a scientist we don't really get to know and a computer we don't really understand the dog from the thing in cat form and stealing the show a facially de-aged nick fury an effect that will completely fool the eye until you notice him run fight or use a keyboard uh-oh grandpa's in the computer building superhero teams again you've waited years for marvel to introduce the scrawls thrill with the possibility that they'll be the next big bad after thanos because they could be anyone from captain america to cute cuddly family men wait the squirrels are nice how do you not make ben mendelsohn evil ben mendelsohn is always evil we are so not getting secret invasion are you ready for a blockbuster it won't take alta vista to find one because captain marvel is a street fighter too and she's onto your game boy so back off trolls and go back to the mall rats her powers don't need to be nerfed cause she's not melancholy about rocking the vote in the bush leonard cohen holy sh nikes these 90s references or his forces the movies nine inch nails radio shack all right i'm done so get ready for a film that's disappointing if it's the meat in an infinity war sandwich a solid watch if it's up against the other marvel origin stories and citizen king k compared to female ed superhero movies not named wonder woman look out boys at this rate lady heroes will take over at the theater never starring the captain is miss marvel nick fury scroll and clones law in orbit ask for you blue man troop the garfield your aunt still has stuck on her car windshield maria rembolcott skynet benning ekrafria ethniage who paid dlc and the screenwriter of what lies beneath just a fun fact i know instead of my daughter's birthday last time i trusted someone i lost an eye i'm trusting you not to eat me yeah i don't know that's a stretch [Music] after 21 mcu movies prepare for the final conclusion of the infinity saga and also part two of infinity war penultimate film of phase three intro to phase four and backdoor pilot for about three disney plush shows whew you remember when movies just you know ended and then your imagination had to take over ugh sounds exhausting avengers end game the most successful crowd-pleasing global film franchise is back but since life on earth sucks now it's all about grief lost the kid guilt it's supposed to be me depression are you crying no and despair then i should have killed all of us because today's escapist fantasy isn't becoming a superhero it's going back to fix your mistakes instead of scraping by in the waking nightmare of your own failure can i do a time heist on my life five years have passed since half the population vanished or as introverts call it winning the lottery ah that looks nice baseball remains unpopular culture got frozen in 2017. damn and an actor shortage has forced directors to cast themselves i cried just before desert now the avengers must band together to do what every big franchise does when they write themselves into a corner time travel watch the surviving heroes dissemble for a now that's what i call marvel tour of your fandom with several alternate camera angles on the avengers i'll have that drink now a trip to the shield base where they store all the movie's closure thank you for everything the cliffs that demand you lose someone you love or at least your work bestie and a daring raid to justify the existence of thor the dark world in a plot held together by a whole bunch of wibbly wobbly tommy whammy stuff they'll try to explain 100 times either it's all a joke or none of it is none of it's a joke now explain yourself if you travel to the past that past becomes your future and your former presence becomes the past which can't now be changed by your new future now explain it again with a visual aid the infinity stones create what you experience as the flow of time remove one of the stones and that flow splits now explain it again but simpler we're not trying to stop something i'm going to do in our time we're trying to undo something i've already done in theirs even simpler changing the past doesn't change the future you know maybe time travel is a paradox no matter how it gets justified z reunite with all your favorite marvel heroes who aren't clogging up an air filter somewhere like iron man who's really matured since iron man 1 but is still the a-hole who'd rather die than let someone else get the last word i am inevitable and i am iron man captain america who after spending a decade in the present day has learned a curse son of a and look at guys buds that is america's ass thor who it's okay to make fat jokes about because he's also suffering from a very realistic post-traumatic stress disorder what do you think is coursing through my veins right now she's whiz he's struggling the hulk who cut down on the run time by finishing his arc before the movie starts i know it's crazy hawkeye who deals with the loss of his family by having a very cyberpunk midlife crisis ant-man who thanks to the internet's brain poisoning is a letdown every time he's not inside thanos's ass flick me black widow who finally gets a primary storyline in one of these movies killing herself to motivate the boys we have to make it worth it at least you can tell the passage of time by her hair that's something rhodey hoping and praying they don't travel back before iron man 2. nebula who ruins the avengers plan so many times the most helpful thing she does is kill nebula and captain marvel who's so powerful the movie desperately finds excuses to leave her out the things that are happening on earth are happening everywhere so you might not see me for a long time until he comes up with an excuse to bring her in so marvel can finally have her lead the first all-female avengers team up shot maybe marvel will let them team up together in a sequel okay maybe they can all pose again in the background of the loki show remember thanos the mcu's most complex and motivated villain yet he did and taking his place is old thanos the new old thanos younger old thanos you know the version who sits and lets everyone else do all the work find the stones what will you do wait who steals his evil plans from spaceballs reduce the atoms you used them two days ago what the hell am i looking at when does this happen in the movie now what did you do to them nothing yet go back to then when now now no i can't why we missed it when just now and who commands a faceless cgi army the likes of which we have never seen before since his last two faceless cgi armies but whatever watching him fight thundercat was the best moment of my life and i'm including the birth of my children guys sorry kids you're just not worthy of my time and attention so in a world where everyone hates game of thrones now everyone's worried about star wars and jk rowling won't stop crapping on the floor for legacy it's a minor miracle we got a satisfying conclusion to a global nerd franchise now just do it again forever or the entire film industry will collapse no sympathy from us disney you did this to yourself starring iron deficient man one punch woman captain clench [Music] and hardly wait i i'm roots bojack norsemen jeremy renner's one big line of acting go grab your hammer and you go flying you talk to him go downstairs go help they need you right now we need more russos give me more russos avengers assemble hazy ex-girlfriend werther's original avenger and ratman and time ben coming soon to disney plus i love you 2.8 billion oh my god her mobile plan is still active clint you gotta turn off autopay man [Music] from the studios who act like divorced parents arguing over where their kid spends christmas comes an mcu catch-up movie that's all about the tony stark-shaped hole in the universe uh are we sure disney even wants to make a spider-man movie you're not iron man you're never gonna be iron man spider-man far from home marvel fans everywhere prepare to get a feature-length dopamine rush off that sweet sweet intra-franchise consistency featuring tons of iron man loads of end game they called it the blip juicy kernels of phase four i thought tree having sleeper cells was top-secret information i feel like i'm forgetting something oh yeah spider-man goes on vacation please know the concept seems a little disney plus to me um wake me up when he gets to space wakanda in between setting up the next episode of mcu hop aboard the kind of teen euro road trip sex romp not seen since euro trip road trip or sex drive ah don't vote where you'll be joined by his very own stifler what about our plan american bachelors in europe two teachers plugged from a 90s sitcom they join forces like the power rangers you're thinking of voltron voltron you're thinking of voltron [Applause] and mary jane the why a reboot of debbie downer i'm glad we're doing this you used to execute people on this bridge so powers tomorrow go to the eiffel tower i read it was secretly built as a mind control antenna to create an army of the insane [Music] you want to watch a movie only if it's depressing she seems nice i just hope she doesn't end up like his other girlfriends my wife and i split up whatever's going on with you i hope you figure it out watch spider-man gain a powerful new ally from the multiverse known as mysterio mysterio mother you think we don't know the guy in the sinister six is gonna be the villain like they're gonna spend the whole movie fighting a wave jake gyllenhaal shines as a fishbowl with haunted house powers who's out for revenge on tony stark you know the already dead guy because even in death iron man is the only force powerful enough to motivate an mcu bad guy dude's company was like an arc reactor for haters our former boss tony stark just get a job at hammer industries at dorks [Applause] [Music] thrill as mysterio plays on spider-man's only weakness getting hit in the face with a train just kidding he's fine don't be ridiculous no he'll strike at the one thing peter likes most of all an adult male who isn't perving out on his hand hey mate how you doing what are you wearing something skimpy i hope how's your eye out you look lovely new dress uh yeah yes it is sticky rice pudding well we didn't order that somehow watch mysterio play on his trust to steal edith a global drone assassination program that tony left to a teenager which fine that's kind of his thing activating instant kill no no no no no but this murder machine is hidden inside a pair of sunglasses that's the world's most commonly lost item he might as well give him a pen full of ebola oh my god thank you so much it was on the floor so get ready for the third spider-man 2 which perfectly sets up a second spider-man 3. i thought that was over that audiences won't see until feige's schedule clears up in 2024 but no whining because at the right state with sony you get a spider-man movie every year plus one with venom one with jared leto's morbius madame webb yeah it's probably better this way starring let me see that time that time to tom tom chill and hall and let god sort them out zendaria la la la la la trick fury 90 day tome fiance uh-oh nobody tell that may about happy and black widow flash make him hobgoblin you cowards only begun this strong war has and every non-mcu filmmaker you can be the smartest guy in the room the most qualified and no one cares unless you're flying around with a cape or shooting lasers from your hands no one will even listen the boy was friends with iron man you know who loki has the darkest backstory in the mcu flash thompson could mother not make it your son almost died like twice you monster do you like tv shows how about a tv show about some tv shows about some tv shows that is a tv show watched by the characters inside a tv show wanda vision the tv show you said huh when they bonded over their vaguely defined superpowers i'm still me i think do you know i don't know what this is you said oh okay when they it for two years off camera wonder for two years we stormed these moments and you thought well i guess that's over when this happened but ever since cap left bucky for this homewrecker wanda and vision are the closest thing marvel has to a healthy relationship even though she's torturing a small town with her mind when you let us sleep we have your nightmares your grief is poisoning us and he's her imaginary vibrator programmed only to love you can't control me the way you do them can't i watch this power couple cosplay through some of history's most delightful sitcoms from modern family it's probably just a case of the mondays to malcolm in the middle mom's been weird since uncle pietro got here to the show's boomers love because they literally had no other options take out the papers and the trash or you won't get no spending cash but every once in a while this super computer manages to calculate something about all this might not be on the up and up i have questions what is it how did this happen she came here because we're all what what was that about what aren't you telling me why are there no other children in wesley why would you think that i guess you are [Music] because the big question of the series isn't so much what's gonna happen but more what the is even happening i don't know i don't know and i don't know in a story that's really about wanda's grief and finding acceptance the acceptance that no matter how original a marvel thing starts off it still has to end with a sky beam and two cgi dolls throwing particle effects at each other it's just so meaningful this reminds me of my own struggles i'm sorry i just need a second but there's more to the show than an expanding red bubble of sadness that makes america great again step outside the hex to meet characters like darcy the latest phase of marvel's image rehab campaign for thor the dark world jimmy wu the only cop who's also into close-up magic that anyone could ever love and monica rambo who grows from a knowing commentary on tv's black best friend trope into an actual example of tv's black best friend trove they'll never know what you sacrificed for them and finally into a superhero who could one day become marvel's first black best friend trope in space together they'll take on some brand new villains like this generic military jerk ass dottie who actually thought it doesn't really matter and the head which in charge agatha harkness a well-brewed concoction of one part maleficent and two parts cruella de vil and i killed sparky too [Laughter] let your love for katherine han blind you to the fact that her plan doesn't make a ton of sense and her past implies that the salem witch trials were kind of onto something and despite what her absolute bop of the theme song claims [Music] she barely knows what's going on either i need you to tell me how you did this i couldn't make heads or tails of it it's been wonders repressed trauma all along but agatha kind of nuts turned that direction doesn't exactly top the charts though huh are you a hardcore marvel fan then you know wandavision wasn't meant to be enjoyed but dissected frame by frame to predict what's coming next as the show spawned a q anon style army of forecasters who were so sure that mephisto was behind it all the devil's in the details bev that's not the only place he is nope just a deep cut easter egg evan peters casting was proof of the multiverse wrong just an elaborate boner joke boner and that the last episode had to have a luke skywalker level cameo i work with this actor that i have always wanted to work with oh and we have fireworks together how about paul bernie giving himself head instead why can't you just accept the fact that the big bad for the mcu's first disney plus series was grief does you have to spell it out on an announcement board or something so if you've been feeling sad and hopeless lately and just want to mentally check out and fill all the voids in your life with garbage tv catch the story of a superhero who does pretty much exactly that and at the end of the day after all the trauma follow her to the place all marvel characters go once their arcs are done some lonely ass cabin in the woods [Music] storing i'm a witch i'm a mother an avenger had a brother wanda's no scrunch i'll see you what curtain call that was radical get the skin thing cuddles and kisses between his little ears weekend at bed knees what white nonsense is this agatha crispy a spectrum representative will arrive anytime between the hours of 1 and 9 pm boner save the cat whose clues wrecking ralph the only way ralph would remember our anniversary is if there was a beer named june 2nd what ralph could really use is how to goose your wife so you don't lose your wife ralph looks better in the dark so i'm not complaining not that ralph ever wants to eat anything other than baked beans which explains a lot about his personal appeal mind you you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named my husband ralph oh hey where'd you blow me wanda's twin powers activate going through hex and what is this show if not joy disappearing do you have a brother mom he's far away from here and that makes me sad sometimes he was killed by ultron maria died three years ago before what i can't remember my life before west virgo i don't know who i am you probably suppressed a lot of the trauma you're so crippled by your own self-doubt all you people who left still have the luxury of optimism you have no idea what it was like oh it's lost i only remember feeling completely alone endless nothingness so much trauma is it khan will be sorrow can it parents dead brother dead vision dead i have a daughter if you could just let her out of her room if i could just hold her i can't feel you thanks for choosing me to be your mom [Music] if one ever needs backup she should just call her neighbor murtaugh from lethal weapon i'm too old for this [Music] from the streaming service with the biggest gap between quality of content and suckage of interface comes marvel's latest avengers you didn't really care about until they got their own tv show the falcon and the winter soldier who's next hawkeye of course when a rogue super soldier is on the loose the only thing that can stop her is a few shots from a regular gun but since the story has to last six episodes two of marvel's weakest heroes are on the case sam the falcon wilson a man with the power of a jet pack he rents from the air force and bucky the winter soldier barns proof that men will literally scour the criminal safe haven of matripore instead of going to therapy you missed your court mandated therapy sorry mr barnes you're under arrest but when these not even that opposite military guys have to work together you'll be in for a lot of forced bickering that's not a thing that's definitely it no it's not a lot of forced quips now that falcon is technically the funny one and he mastered posing stoic and so much forced talk about cap's old shield that you'll start to wish cap was short for please decapitate me thank you captain america but this belongs to you let's take the shield and do this ourselves you got to give me the shield man he gave you that shield for a reason why'd you give up that shield he had no right to give up the shield sam shouldn't have given him the shield i didn't give him the shield that the closest thing i've got left to a family it's just a shield bro don't lose your arm over it you know you think he would know that there's a button that pops his arm off i mean doesn't he ever play with that thing return to the military espionage side of the mcu where the morals are as grey as the visuals full of shady characters like semo a fancy dancer who talks about the black experience one too many times for someone who blew up the king of wakanda i told him about trouble man he wrote in that book it is a masterpiece james it captures the african-american experience sharon carter who's grown bitter and resentful since the man she stalked for a living went back in time to bang her great aunt and john walker the heir apparent to the kool-aid guy oh yeah he may look the part but this blond-haired honk still isn't ready to take on the mantle of america's next kurt russell also julie louie dreyfus pops up at the end because everyone in hollywood is obligated to join the mcu at this point your next costanza this whole universe is against me no one will escape the fury of the flag smashers a movement with a nefarious plan to deliver food and medicine to refugees but don't worry they'll kill just enough people to qualify as villains i agree with your fight i just can't give it the way you're fighting it you tell him falcon she needs to join the military first that's the mcu's license to kill to combat his rising threat of poor people having nowhere to live sea must become a new kind of captain america one who will call out the problems with our system if you people have just as much power as an insane god then ask them to do better and hope that it changes anything you've got to do better senator honestly the fact that this beach works is the least realistic part of the mcu and they share a universe with this [Music] guy so enjoy a show that feels like a stretched out b-tier marvel movie that annoyingly makes you stay up late to watch every episode unless you want it spoiled on twitter ah dang it in this enjoyable series that deepens existing characters bring some big budget action to the small screen and add crucial new information to the marvel universe the avengers don't get paid how do you guys make a living there's a tremendous amount of goodwill right but you could have been living off of goodwill this whole time we cannot approve you is there some kind of fun for heroes or so this is why scarlet witch drives a bug starring the black falcon was denied a bank loan i stan sebastian barron's dance grooves [Music] the carter two a wolf in veeps clothing goldie spawn just when i thought this country couldn't get any meaner you go and do something like this and totally redeem yourself power punch girl oh it's those antiva super soldiers i've been hearing about and sam's on the boat sends on a boat everybody look at sam cause he's sailing on a boat sam's on the boat sam's on a boat take a good hard look at sam's sister's parents boat sky captain and the shield of tomorrow let's do it let's stare they're practically begging us to do a stairs montage huh [Music] are you having a staring contest the bionic staring machine is always a stare like that wait good the music no no no no you can't stare bait us like that your stairs are too forced stairs have to be natural you're doing the staring thing again [Music] they've done heart-wrenching examinations of pain and grief meditations on america's betrayal of black soldiers but now a marvel series is ready to take on life's biggest question how long would it take for you to do yourself about a week tops right loki now that marvel's killed off its only good villains they'll turn back in time to pluck loki from the avengers dress him like he's in a ska band and do a speed run through three movies worth of character development i love you my sons remember this place but honestly i'm glad they made the show tom hiddleston hasn't been this charming since that pov chinese vitamin commercial probably be a bit busy for the next few weeks but um i'll make it up to you soon i promise is he supposed to be my husband or are we having an affair either way i'm in follow loki's journey through space and time to escape the clutches of the tva a bunch of time cops tasked with the sacred duty to try and make the word prune happen they want to personally oversee the variance pruning tva has pruned a lot of these guys prune on site no no pruning she's already been pruned just prune it let's bail so you're gonna prune me or he pruned her prune it prune him she's self prone watch them clean up the mcu timeline with a ruthless efficiency of kevin feige murdering a netflix series because apparently the only version of events that's allowed to happen is the one where a rat saves half of existence and captain america goes back in time to beat his own ass take a number tommy boy because this isn't just a showcase for one loki there's an entire comic-con's worth of variants to cosplay as like sylvie the femme fatale who spent her life camping out in various ragnaroks making it hard for her to trust someone i can't sleep around untrustworthy people what was i thinking trusting you because you can't trust and i can't be trusted and even harder for her to open up to the possibility that she might just want to do herself and i mean come on most people do themselves every day like multiple times a day and the timeline is just fine trust me there's classic loki proving that richard e grant can make you love any character even if he's dressed like kermit the frog and talking nonsense for 30 minutes straight kid loki who murdered thor but like kid thor all you have to do is dangle a candy bar near a wood chipper and let nature take its course alligator loki he is an alligator and chinese vitamin commercial loki what you can't tell me that's not an extremely health conscious loki variant i mean just look at how many vegetables you make me for breakfast oh hiyo nida they're joined by mobius a bureaucrat who's obsessed with loki and jet skis which makes him the perfect partner for the man who's also obsessed with loki's and jet skis c jetski then there's judge rinslayer an evil bureaucrat who discovers that she's actually middle management not upper middle management like she thought gasp miss minutes just one of many multimedia presentations the show has to use to explain what's going on without your eyes glazing over your salad is asgard no don't do and kang the conquerors annoying theater kid variant journey to the hogwarts at the end of the universe to meet marvel's next bad guy with a thing for purple and thrill as after five episodes of fast-paced excitement kang plops into the series like the architect from matrix 2 if he also did improv he can't kill me because i already know what's going to happen i every human [Music] and ages of cosmic harmony this scene is 11 minutes long when marvel needed to get trippy they called up rick and morty writer michael waldron to run the show and he's bringing along a grab bag of wildly original concepts like portal guns space lizards space lizards barely escaping planets before they're destroyed speeches about how existence is chaos existence is chaos nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die hive minds me i presume if anyone's anyone you're me my passion for unification you mean stealing people's bodies summer rude tech that's always running out of jews characters very precisely and cunningly breaking each other down psychologically insecure need for validation would motivate you to find the killer you act like prey but you're a predator you use pity to lure in your victims that's how you survive getting drunk during big missions you're drunk no i'm just full but bear in mind i'm very full and time prison you know what they do to third dimensional life forms in time prison same thing they do in every other prison only forever wow where do they get all these ideas i guess there was nothing left to steal from jack kirby huh strap in for what's ultimately a small scale series that manages to feel huge thanks to massive animated establishing shots like when you witness the apocalypse of this world from an empty crater enter an infernal nightmare bureaucracy that stretches to infinity now let's retire to this office and welcome to the void at the center of time and reality the quick into their bowling alley so if you're ready to be stuck with content like a foie gras goose enjoy the show that gets you ready for a movie that gets you ready for the next wave of the mcu that gets you ready for season two of the show that gets you ready for death and as long as they keep making v-plus content while keeping every good actor from doing anything original this machine is going to keep cranking until we're all in water world darkest timeline starring low-key on god loki a lady to knife the setting crashers bf kangs the old guard he who rehashes gators will say it's fake dramatic weapon uncheating for my next trick love is a dagger find a way back to the tva fine here betrayals i've never stabbed him in the back that's such a boring form of betrayal judge wren slayer really feel betrayed by her beloved tba i guess you don't do partners unless of course it benefits you and you intend to betray them at some point how do i know that in the final moments you won't betray me you betrayed me no no you betrayed me you betrayed me you betrayed me oh grow up grow up apologies my liege i betrayed you about that you can't be serious my throne about that and hair flips chrono trigger you know this never would have happened if tony stark had just let hulk use the elevator he really is responsible for every bad thing in this universe [Music] she helped tony get his mojo back helped bruce reconnect with his humanity helped cap find his true purpose and helped hawkeye uh keep being hawkeye baby you want to go talk to him okay go grab your hammer and you go flying you talk to him but now natasha finally gets to tell her own story about the time she helped her own replacement join the mcu black widow you've been waiting to see the mcu's first female superhero get her own movie and waiting and waiting and waiting but natasha romanov is finally getting the mid-tier solo marvel movie she deserves because the ultimate sign of respect in pop culture is getting your chance to keep important object x out of the hands of military leader y by taking down massive airship z i know marvel's taking some risks here and there but this one definitely sticks to the old plan so this was the big plan huh i like your plan except it sucks so let me do the plan we need a plan of attack i have a plan attack first of all you're copying me from when i said i had a plan what about our plan american bachelors in europe that's your plan that's a solo plan come on this is my plan my plan was to drive us away it's the plan get to know the real natasha romanoff a woman struggling to overcome the trauma of being a child actor i remember this day we shot christmas thanksgiving easter and summer vacation all on monday she's got nothing but her wits and flips to protect her in a dangerous world of super spies although at some point she entered the cheat code that turns off environmental damage uh what and for one scene she turns into mega man but they never mention it again what journey to russia where everyone speaks with their best uh let's call it sokovian accent or just doesn't even try i was the family reunion unless you're actually from eastern europe in which case you are mute and me the surrogate family who raised black widow back in her 90s ghost world phase there's red guardian david harbor's latest attempt to hide in a siberian prison until everyone forgets about the hellboy remake molina a monster war criminal who tortures pigs and played a willing active role in kidnapping little girls and brainwashing them into fembots but she regrets it so no harm no foul mama take care of yourself okay don't worry i got this and elena the mischievous little braided hair sister from little women who's now the mischievous little braided hair sister who's murdered untold hundreds of people i'm not the killer that little girls call their hero i don't know elena say three cute things about your vest and i'll take a whole russian prison's worth of dead bodies off your ledger it has a lot of pockets but i use them all the time and i made some of my own modifications i know how much you like it does have a lot of pockets very handy pockets yeah it's so cool right it's good yes and you can put so much stuff in there you wouldn't even know oh she likes the vest so cute this would be a cool way to die i'm sure they deserved it thrill at a story that dares to ask what if the most powerful force on earth girl power fell into the wrong hands as the evil mastermind harvey weinstein i mean drake off builds a floating fortress that evades detection because it's cloudy and uses the power of his colossal stank to keep him safe prevents you from committing violence against me he's infiltrated the halls of power with a sister soldier hood of mind-controlled assassins and doing his evil bidding is the taskmaster a martial artist with the ability to mimic any hero's moves but none of their personality or charisma because now that marble has themselves a deadpool someone had to become the deadpool from wolverine origins so if you're looking for a left nikita but a lot or what if charlie's angels but evil or what if propaganda was used to twist trafficked young girls towards the nefarious purposes of the rich and powerful including bill clinton and condoleezza rice but like could also be a ride at disneyland then strap in for a movie that's good at being pretty much everything except a black widow solo film starring sister traitor soldier spy florence and the regime super bored the manservant's tale oh a y spy eh babe pig in the study boy bruff nicole me drake golfing the hurt stalker the winter sold her mini venice the menace and the most brutal murder in black widow's history you've always been a really good friend to me in soviet russia m sees you wow i wonder which full-grown adult managed to lose a tic-tac-toe hawkeye definitely hall guy [Music] from the studio you know the one there's only like two of them left now anyways comes a series based on silly comic books like what if iron man fought king arthur or what if wolverine was a vampire that dares to imagine something even more ridiculous what if mcu riders could try something new but not like new new just a slight remix of some old favorites let's not go too crazy here marvel's what if enjoy some wild animated experiments that stay true to the mcu by having no real beginning or end no real message to get behind and every character from the most hardened warrior to the most powerful cosmic being speaks like an ai barfing out chandler bing dialogue i simply abort drama your outfit would suggest otherwise uh guys i'm covered in sharon do you guys just not have horror movies in wakanda we don't need them we have american reality shows boom goes the dynamite right now you're running at an eight and i need you to take it down to a four your team visiting instincts yeah okay i don't sound like that that is so not true that happened meet the watcher the other extremely powerful comics character who swore never to intervene in human affairs that we're meeting this fall hi he's a messy who lives for drama and this jeffrey right-shaped planetarium will guide you through alternate timelines like what if england had a pop culture icon who wasn't a sociopath what if every franchise was better without chris pratt what if all the avengers died and also agent coulson was a five on the kinsey scale he's a caucasian male mid-20s with really great hair it's an accurate description he's gorgeous hashtag steve steve steve i heart steve even while rotting he smells like lavender what if the universe had it out for rachel mcadams you know doctor what's her face what if she was the key to all of this any interest what if zombies you guys still like zombies right sorta okay how about this one what if killmonger the most sympathetic villain in the entire mcu was just destined to become evil like no matter what someone should have killed him in his crib what do you mean this isn't working for you fine we'll do it your way what if ultron stole vision and chopped off thanos arm and ate the universe and was like whoa i'm gonna eat you too and the watcher had to be like not on my watch and they start punching and avengers fall down the robots get hit with the shields again okay wait you good do you little content piggies get what you came for come on why are you crying oh right this is a show for kids i forget that sometimes kick back and listen to find out which of your favorite actors needed to pick up an extra check during covid don't play the fool with me fury michael douglas really then get genuinely choked up when you realize you're hearing chadwick boseman do t'challa for the last time it doesn't feel over and finally wonder what dave batista did that caused disney not even reach out all right principles but regardless thrill has a bunch of million dollar voices emerge from heroes who look like the characters you pay 10 bucks for at a town fair because walt disney's built its entire brand on top quality animation everyone deserves a break now and then it's been a tough year are we sure they didn't buy dreamworks too you know what's hot right now the multiverse and after endgame helped set up the idea of the multiverse and one division teased the possibilities of the multiverse and loki explained the scope of the multiverse and doctor strange too gives us multiverse madness what if we'll drive the message of the multiverse home even further we're all one of an infinite number of variants going through the same our struggle seen only by a voyeuristic space walnut who could save us from our fates at any time but won't wow there had to be an easier way than killing free will to explain why terence howard can't play roadie anymore or whatever he thinks one times one is two so if you want to see your favorite marvel characters and exciting new stories that stretch the imagination buy a comic book but if you want more of the things you already liked combined with other things you already liked resulting in something slightly less than the sum of its parts well what if there was nothing else to watch until eternals comes out wow look at him stand there can't wait starring i only watch the multiverse for the articles you captain america the cat is the pratt someone please take this man's driver's license [Music] glove death and robots halloween three season of the witch scarlet no hansen gundam wang futurama did it asgardian pie pricario hentai squid and this is what happens when you mess with a mouse robert you have to die but why [Music] male ducks have corkscrew penises just putting that out there i now pronounce you darcy and a duck [Music] disney gave cap and tony chinese cell phones replaced a tibetan hero with tilda swinton and thanked prison camp bureaucrats at the end of mulan but now the magic kingdom will pander to the middle kingdom by making a pretty kick-ass martial arts movie okay it's better than that time they dropped a full episode of er shanghaine iron man 3 [Music] color paper [Music] i am shocked this wasn't in the american cut chongqi for the very first time the mcu is bringing a martial arts master from the comics to the screen yep the very first time the iron fist sorry can't hear you as audiences finally get to know shanghai a guy whose most relatable quality is that he's also getting to know shanghi who are you your mother knew who she was do you who the hell are you i'm not who you think i am just like spider-man he's a parker with a secret identity because underneath his obligatory abs beats the heart of a martial arts master martial arts expert martial arts enthusiast but nothing will come between this one punch manchild and the ultimate power fantasy no not joining the avengers kicking your father's ass punch the mcu's greatest threat has returned bad dads tony long shines as the most seamless example yet of digitally de-aged actors what do you mean he still looks like that well not bad kneel before this ancient warlord who still doesn't know the difference between rings and bracelets who gave up all his power for a lady who blew him in the woods in addition to his ten magic bracelets he also commands the ten rings a secret group like hydra or shield or sword or the scrolls or the hand or the eternals but what sets them apart from marvel's other illuminatis and presumably marvel's illuminati is that the ten rings provide exciting new opportunities in the world of evil franchising he appropriated the ten rings my tan rings open up a 10 rings in a country near you we're more than just an evil franchise we're an evil family twenty percent cash down payment required journey to tahloe presumably the inspiration for ancient chinese legends ancient middle earth legends and legendary pokemon for a film that blends the action comedy of a jackie chan flick with a high-flying combat of wusha and the cgi toilet slurry of a marvel third act because while an emotional expertly choreographed martial arts showdown between father and son is cool isn't it way cooler when a bunch of weightless polygons smash into each other no then why does it keep happening sean won't have to fight alone he's joined by his sister ja ling who learned to fight just by auditing classes at murder university trevor slatterly who pissed nerds off so much in iron man 3 that his only friend is a psychic chicken made out of butts where's his face psychic by chicken and aquafina who pulls off four classic marvel roles at the same time platonic love interest reaction face giver the that just happened sidekick a guy with a freaking machete foreign arm just chopped our butts in half shawn used the 10 rings to like do this like crazy kamehameha fireball that exploded the thing that dragon vomited a magical water map and now i have no idea what's real and hawkeye upgrade so for a franchise whose roots are an openly racist money grab enjoy a film that does its part to smash those stereotypes except the one about asian dudes being the biggest sneaker heads in this solid martial arts fantasy flick full of fun characters that refreshingly stands on its own without resorting to crossovers and team ups until after the credits of course they don't match any artifacts from our codex they're not vibranium not like any alien tech i've seen this could have been an email starring destiny's child soldier ring pop house of flying swagger the human calendar we've been friends for 10 years okay you know i'm not an idiot i've been by your side for half your life your dad trained you to be an assassin when you were seven he sent you on a hit at 14. can you punch with all the colors of the wind deputy dog i'm sorry your name is it's razorfist ant-man render the last dragon your soul is mine a normal day on the sf metro and how marvel casts its male heroes love that guy i'll take your shirt off once upon a time in a china adjacent pocket dimension hmm so shanghi works with cars he's not proud of who he used to be and he has a difficult relationship with his dad something about that backstory seems convenient in a world where a bankrupt comic book company sold the film rights to its best characters for peanuts because they thought movies would be a good way to show more comics a young executive will do what he can with the rejects that no one wanted and do so well they get bought out by disney before it was cool the marvel cinematic universe except for in game welcome to the mcu a tv series made of movies about comic books where magic is actually science your ancestors called it magic and you call it science but not by magic by technology magic science but science is basically magic boy boy scouts of america is a worthwhile organization i didn't physically check the crates and meet your typical mcu protagonist a loner with no pets no biological siblings and whose only friends are their co-workers oh whose personality can range from lighthearted quipster i'm sorry earth is closed today to stern duty-bound military type you get hurt hurt him back you get killed walk it off and on a long enough timeline everyone becomes a quipster please you've been to space follow along on their hero's journeys where after a motivating uncle ben situation they'll get a transformational hairstyle cut some carbs and find the strength to boldly say their superhero name out loud i'm captain america i am iron man i'm thor son of odin i'm ant-man i am group nick fury i'm peter by the way doctor strange oh using the made-up names um i'm spider-man then star-lord who but people say a hero is only as good as their villain and thank god that's not true or the mcu would be hot garbage thrill as they spare 10 minutes to establish a bad guy who's just like the hero but evil or a faceless horde can't feel bad if it doesn't have a face or actually a pretty awesome character and they're dead but everyone knows the real villain of the mcu is dads he was cold he was calculating he never told me he loved me and never even told me he liked me you favored thor all these years you were wrong to turn your backs on the rest of the world everything i heard about myself of course i have issues that's my freaking father i will hunt my father like a dog and i will tear him apart slowly peace by peace until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain i know every single day yeah tremble before the girth of a meticulously planned story told across 23 separate movies all about thanos killing half the universe well first he has to get an infinity gauntlet no not that god i'll do it myself yeah yeah that one and then gather the infinity stones well send proxies to get them and he gives one away but eventually he'll get the stones some aren't stones while the other relics often appear as stones the ether is fluid but then he'll kill half the universe which also doesn't make much sense oh also the timeline doesn't work out hmm maybe this wasn't so planned out after all but the films do sort nicely into three distinct phases the conventional pop songs phase the boundary pushing experimental phase then the whoo we can do no wrong i'm a golden god phase and if rock docks are topping anything phase four will have the mcu puking in the gutter wondering where it all went wrong journey from the farthest reaches of viking space to alternate dimensions to the wonders of earth oops that one zootopia and marvel at how everything still kind of looks and feels the same as visionary indie filmmakers are funneled into the marvel style of overlap digital video where everything is cgi every story is full of sexless romance that never takes off how what the hell bloodless violence that never leaves more than a couple of forehead scrapes all that for a drop of blood lifeless soundtracks with more dead rock and you can shake a pair of middle-aged screenwriters at feels so good jack manzioni 1977. marvin gaye 1972 troubleman soundtrack donald feeling blue swede 1973 that song belongs to me or toothless comedy that's just saying pop culture things so this orb has a real shiny blue suitcase arc of the covenant maltese falcon sort of vibe i love doing a christmas toy shooting night rider or touring with his band in germany no hard feelings point break you gotta mean swing who build my new lego death star what try me beyonce that man is playing galaga you ever see this really old movie aliens we're getting no help from flash courtney i'm very popping y'all shall we play a game i can flush the move exactly like footloose squidward grimace personal flying monkeys i understood that reference blue lagoon gandalf and harry potter oops that's pixels so settle in for an interconnected movie verse that had a 1 in 14 million 605 shot of working but those odds didn't stop every other studio from awkwardly mashing their eyepiece together like a junior high dance floor leaving marvel as the only one standing in a dying industry i could do this all day but launching a whole new industry of marvel movie news theory and analysis channels that just complain about marvel movies and even comedy web series that would have died a long time ago if marvel movies weren't so popular so one way or another in the end everyone's getting paid by disney you shills starring science geniuses you can achieve heavy eye on fusion at any reactor on the planet quantum phases when an object moves through different states of matter an einstein rosenbridge is a theoretical connection between two different points of space the wormhole the quantum system would revert back to separate states of matter why didn't you just reprogram the synapses to work collectively when did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics last night jumping out of airplanes [Music] people of color leg scissors [Music] [Music] trains howdies unless you're ant-man then you get a hyundai and you like it dual wielding dick measuring i mean you have a big gun you are not the big gun tony don't be jealous like raging fire so i like smoldering fire my record 21 feet not bad you 65 feet whoa yeah huge 65. you get an ironman suit and you get an ironman suit and you get an ironman suit weird non-stanley cameos hey the oracle of oracle good idea for an electric jet [Applause] multi-hit combos [Music] are you sure you know how to fly this thing do you know how to fly this thing uh we'll see i thought you said he knew how to fly this thing i said how hard could it be here take the wheel no i don't know how to fly one of these are you're a scientist use one of your phds and never forget that for all of guardians one they're sitting in star lords jizz find a black light please look like a jackson pollock painting ah gross dude the never-ending story oh man we forgot to say anything about the abc shows netflix series one shots and spin-offs eh so did kevin feige this week's honest trailer is brought to you by dnd beyond's battle for beyond subscribe to ddb's youtube to join the battle i am no longer the winter soldier i am james bucky barnes and you're part of my efforts to make amends do i look like i need your power

Channel: Screen Junkies

Views: 2,916,715

Keywords: screenjunkies, screen junkies, honest trailers, honest trailer, fandom, disney, disney+, marvel, mcu, marvel cinematic universe, marvel cinematic universe trailer, mcu trailer

Id: lS41XvrBFvU

Length: 149min 34sec (8974 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 28 2021