history of the world, i guess but it's clean (for schools)

hi you're on a rock floating in space pretty cool huh some of its water actually most of its water I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat it's sad I'm sad I miss you a long time ago actually never and also now nothing is nowhere when never makes sense right like I said it didn't happen nothing was never anywhere that's why it's been everywhere it's been so everywhere you don't need a where you don't even need a win that's how every it gets forget this I want to be something go somewhere do something I want things to change I want to invent time and space and I know it's possible because everything is here and it probably already happened I just don't know when to start and that's exactly where it started oh I paused it I think there's a universe now what's it made of cork since that's a thing in a place don't like it try a new place at a different time try to stick together because the world is going to get bigger and emptier but it's not empty yet it's still very full and about a jillion degrees great news the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a proton or a neutron and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't because it's still too great news the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other some of them even doubled up great news the electrons have now joined in congratulations the world is now a bunch of gas in space but it's getting closer together getting closer together some stars burn out and die bigger stars burn out and die with passion that makes these which allows newer more interesting stars to be made and then die and explode so now stars have cool stuff around like rocks ice and funny clouds which can make some very interesting things like this ball of flaming rocks for example we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks and it kind of made a mess which is weather update it's raining rocks from outer space weather update those rocks might have had water inside them and now there's hot steam in the sky weather update cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava weather update it's raining severe flooding alert the entire world is now an ocean you know alert what oh cool like a plant or an animal now a microscopic speck it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever oh yeah and it can do that it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself so that's pretty nifty I would say tired of living at the bottom of the ocean using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into foods side effect now there's oxygen everywhere in the skies blue then the earth might have been a snowball for a while maybe even a couple of times it's a sponge it's a plant it's a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs a strange fish it's the wowthat's animals and stuff but we're still in the ocean hey can we go on land no why the Sun is a deadly laser okay now the animals can go on land come on animals let's go on land no can't walk yet and there's no food yet so I don't care okay will you learn to walk if there's plants up here maybe set some bugs and fish okay so I can go on land but I have to go back in the water to have babies learn to use an egg I was already doing that use a stronger egg put water in it have a baby on land in an egg water is in the egg baby in the egg in the water in the egg works for me bye bye and now everything's huge including bugs want to see a map of the land sure now everything's dead just getting here the survivors keep your eye on this one because it's about to become the dinosaurs here's another map of the lab yeah broke apart don't worry about it does that all the time here comes a meteor its mammal time here come the mammals look at those breasts now they're gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff and walk you know like walk like that and grab stuff at the same time and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks ouch and set things on fire yeah and make crazy sounds with their voice cherished which can mean different things and now they're everywhere almost what you can walk over here cool well I guess we're stuck here now let's review there's people on the planet and they're chasing their food look at this I control the food now now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me let's all build houses except mine is bigger because I own the food this is great I wonder if anyone else is doing this tired of using rocks for everything use metal it's under ground better farming was just invented in a sweet dank Valley right in between these two rivers and the animals are helping gets more food and more people who came to buy the food now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there's more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business money writing laws [Music] coming soon to a dank River Valley near you meanwhile out in the middle of nowhere the horse is probably being tamed why is all my metal so lame and lumpy tired of using lame sad metal introducing bronze made with special ingredient in from the far lands of tin land I don't know my dealer won't tell me where he gets it all so guess what meanwhile out in the middle of nowhere they figured out how to put wheels on a horse now we're getting somewhere oh gee the Middle East is getting more complicated maybe because it's in the middle of the east knock-knock bird clop clop it's the people with the horses and they made an empire and then everyone owes copied their horses I look it must be the Greeks or a beta version of the Greeks let's check in with the Indus River Valley Civilization they're gone guess who's not gone and they rode some hidden mantras and stuff you could make a religion out of this there's the Bronze Age collapse also can we switch to a medal that's a little easier to find Thanks look who came back to Israel it's the 12 tribes of Israel and they just won no he's got like a 10-step program here's some huge heads must be the Olmecs the Phoenicians make some colonies the Greeks copy their idea and make some colonies the Phoenicians made a colony so big a mix colonies here comes the Assyrian Empire everyone gets the Babylonian media it's wow that's big ah the Buddha was just enlightened who's the Buddha this guy who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying you can make religion out of this oops China just broke but while it was breaking Confucius was figuring out how to have good morals the Greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff and right over here Alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire Persian Empire it's a great idea he was great and now he's dead hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the Empire even lay between them knock knock and shaumbra Gupta he says the homes at conquer India was staring me but what about this part that's the Tamil Kings no one conquers the Tamil Kings the Tamil cakes merchants probably and they've got spices I would like to buy the spices me said the Arabian swiftly buying in and selling it to the rest of the world hey China put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy actually they have three main philosophies out here the horse nomads run wild and free and they would like to ransack your city let's check the Greek vacation levels of the Greek effete kingdoms break a vacation overload by said the Parthian spy said the Jews high said the Parthian 'he's taking over the entire place hey said the Romans eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast thanks for invading our homeland said the Jews who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland hi everything's great said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular which only makes it more popular you can make a religion out of this one silk now you can buy from China they just made a pair or you can get their six new trade routes said India accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast that's a good place for an epic trading Kingdom there goes Buddhism traveling up the Silk Road I wonder if it'll reach China before it collapses again remember the Persian Empire yep said the Persians making a new one axon was getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick as anyone populated in Madagascar yet let's do it together [Music] still can't cross the Sahara Desert try camels so we get this at the comet Empire selling lots of gold and slave high I live in the Roman Empire and I was wondering no actually okay sure said Constantine moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival don't worry about Rome it won't fall it's there's the Gupta Empire not Chandra Gupta just Gupta first name Chandra the first guess who's in Rome is a barbarian non Romans said the Romans being invaded by non romans r.i.p roman empire or actually just half that the other half is just fine but it's not in rome anymore so let's give it a new name oh and here's a huge city population everyone at the go p-- turks have taken over the entire Eurasian steppe great job cope Turks house India broken house China back to again those trading kingdoms Korea has three kingdoms Japan has a kingdom into the sunrise kingdom deep in the Arabian desert on the top of a mountain the real God whispers in Mohammed's ear so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake and everyone got so mad at him he had to leave town and go to a different town you can make a religion out of this and maybe conquer the world as well the Roman Empire is long gone but somehow the Pope is still the Pope plus there's I wonder if there's room for Moors here's all the wisdom in a house it's the Baghdad House of wisdom just in time for the Islamic Golden Age let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it and become the Swahili on the Swahili coast said the Swahili on the Swahili coast remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there someone owns that now want to get enlightened in the middle of nowhere the Franks have the biggest Kingdom in Europe and the Pope is so proud that he invites the king over for Christmas surprise here the new Roman Emperor said the Pope pretending to still be part of the Roman Empire then the Franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called France and not France the northerners are just Norse if you don't have much time our exploring they go north from the north to the northern north and they find some land two types of land and they name them accordingly they also invade some other places and get called many names such as Vikings there's the roofs the kievan rus' are their Vikings I don't think so said the Caviar's okay fair enough the Pope is ready to make some more emperors of the Roman Empire the Holy Roman Empire it's actually Germany but don't worry about it new kingdoms which brand would you like mine's better mine's better mine's better time to conquer England said William it's a bird it's a plane it's the Seljuk Turks said the Byzantine Empire who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore we need help they need help so they call the Pope hey Pope can you help us get rid of the seljuqs maybe take back the Holy Land on the way come on I know you want to take back the Holy Land yes I do actually want to do that lets do a crusade they did many Crusades some of which almost didn't fail but at least the Italians got some sweet trade deals goodbye Mayans goodbye Toltecs Mississippi look at those mounds there's the pueblos I always wondered how to build a town in a cliff guess who's here c'mere we're here and pecan is there Vietnam unconquered itself Korea just became itself in Japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government China just invented bombs and piping and the Mongols just invaded most of the universe nice goin Genghis I bet that will last a long time some of the Islamic Turks were unaffected by the Mongol invasions because they were busy invading India is it Tonga time I think it's Tonga time I just found out where this was Haley gets all their gold look at this Chad means like there's an empire there right in the middle of the king of Mali is so rich he's going on tour to let everyone know wow that guy's rich everyone said the Christians are doing a great job rhe conquering Iberia which will soon be called Spain and not Spain please remain Christian we'll check in later to see if you're still Christian when you least expect whoops half of Europe just died China's back yay hey c'mere time to share new kingdoms here and there oh look who controls all the islands it's the Mohammed Raja hoppin mapache hey Maha Paget Majid ma ah ha hit Oh Italy's really rich time for them to care a lot about art in the ancient classics it's kind of like a rebirth here's a printer let's make books so you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire yep said the Ottoman Turks nice job Ottoman Turks whoops you missed a spot don't forget to ban Europe from the Indian spice trade what Ted Portugal spices well I guess we'll have to find another way in wait is it Christopher Columbus if the world is round let's go this way to India now don't worry we already got this Sat Portugal so Chris goes to Spain hey Spain want to hire me to find India by going around back in the world no please no please no please okay so he sails into the ocean and discovers more ocean and then discovers the Indies and Japan let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world the Aztec and Inca empires are off to a great start I wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other move over Lithuania here comes Moscow Ivan wants to make Russia great again move over Timur it's maybe go invade India or something Persia just made Persia Persian again let's make it the other kind of Islam the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy hate Christians do you sin now you can buy your way out of hell that's a scam there's ninety five reasons why said Martin Luther no what will be magnificent said Suleiman wearing an onion hat what if the Ottoman Empire was really big which it is now what if Russia was big said Ivan trying not to be terrible Portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire Indian Ocean including the spice trade and then that dream was real and Spain realized that this is not India but they pillaged it anyway we got to start pillaging some stuff said England and France then the Dutch Revolt and all the hipsters moved to Amsterdam we got to start pillaging some stuff question one can you get to India through North America well but at least there's beaver question to steal the spice trade that's not a question but the Dutch stated anyway guess where all the sugars made in Brazil stolen in the Caribbean and it's so profitable you might forget to not do slavery the next thing on Russia's to-do list is to get bigger Britain and France are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world more specifically Ohio then it escalates into a seven-year discussion giving Prussia a chance to show Austria who's boss but what about Burton in France did they figure out who's boss yes they did its Britain guess who's broke also Britain so they start taxing America v says America declaring their independence and fighting for it and France helps them Lane now Francis broke and Britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent wait if Francis broke why did the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off said Robespierre cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off you can make a rule it no don't haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution especially the slaves can free themselves by killing their masters why didn't we think of this before wait who's in charge of France now said Napoleon trying to take over Europe luckily they banished him to an island but luckily we banished him to another Island there goes Latin America becoming independent in the latin-american Wars of Independence Britain just figured out how to turn steam into power so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines and [Music] then they invent some trains and conquer India and maybe put some trains here hey China said Britain buy stuff from us now dude we already got everything says China so Britain tried to get them addicted to opium which worked actually but then China made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea so Britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island Britain and Russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering Afghanistan also the Sultan's that's just where he lives India just had a revolution and they would like to govern themselves now no upset Britain governing them even harder than before technology is about to go crazy the United States finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad it's bad they decided and then they continued manifesting their destiny which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the Mexicans to the United States ran out of destiny to manifest so they're looking for more wait Spain controls Cuba I'll blame something on them and go to war what should we blame on Spain let's blame the mane on Spain so they blame the mane on Spain now we're in business to celebrate the kick panama out of panama and make a canal connecting the two oceans britain just found oil in the Middle East it makes cars China is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government you're a peasant had a war since the last war so they start World War one look at those guns it's gonna be a great war so great we won't need a second one after it's over they blame Germany Russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government now everyone's paycheck is the same in the Soviet Union the Arabs revolt in Britain helps and now the Ottoman Empire is gone so we can give the Jewish people please to live hopefully the Arabs won't mind let's cut the cake said Sykes and Paco carving up the remains of the Nazi Ottoman anymore Empire except Turkey and the Saudis conquer Arabia it just seemed like the right thing to do hello yes it's the 1920s colleague let's get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies the economy is great and it'll probably be great forever just kidding now Germany's back featuring Hitler the angry mustache model and he's mad at the Jews for existing Japan is finally conquering the East Hitler's out of control so the international community tackles him and tries to explain why killing all the Jews is a bad idea but he kills himself before they could explain it to him that's bonus round Pacific showdown United States vs Japan fight finish it let's unite all the nations and have some brutal peace seems legit hi I'm Gandhi and if Britain doesn't get the hell out of India I'm going to starve myself in public wow that worked bonus now there's Pakistan actually to Pakistan's one of them can be Bangladesh later the Jews and the Arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the Holy Land meet they both said at the same time let's divide up the land so everyone's happy look out China there's a new China in China what's on the menu communism no thanks said the other China escaping to an island I wonder which one is the real China there's the Korean War Korea vs. Korea nobody wins then it's unpause forever let's meet the sponsors oh it's the two global superpowers they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of Satan and they both have atom bombs fight wait no that will be the end of the world let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead and make sure we have enough atom bombs I'll race you to space now let's make some more countries fight themselves Europe is tired of pillaging other continents and the continents they were pillaging you're tired of being pillaged so here's a new map with new countries now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by the United States finally decided whether racism is good or bad they decided it's bad and the world agrees South Africa might need another minute to think about it let's check the world population whoa okay technology is better - that might keep happening the Soviet Union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart Europe makes a union so now they can all use the same money except Britain because they don't feel like it let's check the mail surprise it's on the computer whoops someone just attacked America I bet they'll remember that phone call surprise it's in your pocket want to learn everything surprise it's on the computer now your phone's a computer which is in your pocket whoops the economy just crashed don't worry the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to surprise flying robots with bombs want to print a brain some people have no friends some people have no food the globe is warming let's save the planet said everybody not knowing how let's invent a thing inventor said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a fing inventor that's pretty cool by the way where are we [Music]

Channel: benlikesskyla

Views: 4,584,972

Rating: 4.8991003 out of 5

Keywords: bill wurtz, weird, funny, history of the world i guess, school, clean, history, class, great, awesome, terrific, lesson, lesson plan, plan, teaching, world history, profane free, nice

Id: UDNRsmULvWQ

Length: 18min 50sec (1130 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 21 2017