- So uh I noticed things with Draco Malfoy are different now. - Uh, yeah.... - Yeah. Cool. - You're not- you're not upset are you? - No, why would I be upset about that? - Well, I- I figured because I guess I got the feeling that before- That you used to uh... ...maybe... - Like you?
- Yeah - Yeah, when I was 12. - Ah okay. Yeah. Okay, well - Yeah. True. But you liked me more recently, so - Yeah like a few months ago
- Yeah - Okay, awkward. Um... - You got over that
- Yeah - I got over you. It's not like you're impossible to get over Don't tell Malfoy that, but you're not irresistible really - You sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure - I got the git for you
- Yay Welcome, git. Come here
- "Welcome, git". Okay. - It's not like it's very easy to get to get in the Gryffindor Tower as a Slytherin
- No - Well you need a password
- Yeah but still - Well, it's not impossible to get into the Slytherin common room as a Gryffindor even without help from the inside
- Oh yes - Just getting up the stairs. It's like the stairs were against me. - Oh, oh, so it's the stairs that's the problem. It's not- Okay. So it's your stamina that's- - No! They kept switching when they weren't supposed to switch! - Yeah we know. Imagine being 11 and trying to learn all of this the first time - Terrible
- Impossible - Ginny, what are we doing here? - I have a nice announcement. Or something uh... Well, Fred and George-
- A nice announcement? - Announcement
- A nice announcement - A nice- Yeah, I'm just excited about this because Fred and George- I talked to them recently and they gave me quite a gift They decided that we were mature enough for this- it's a game. It's a magical card game that changes with the people who are playing - But you're one year younger than us - Well, yeah, I said mature not what age so... Anyway, it's it's a great game. It's a great game.
- Okay - We have two different kinds of cards. We have black cards and white cards - Okay so the black cards
- And where did they get it? - Apparently it originated from Filch's office like many other magical things that suddenly appear - So that's why we didn't want Hermione because she has a habit of telling the teachers when it comes to magical objects
- So please don't tell her I wanna keep this game. It's a great game.
- Yeah don't pick it apart - Okay yeah, we'll not to talk to her about that before we've, you know, make sure that it's safe - Yeah, yeah. Totally. We get that.Fred and George have been playing this for years apparently - Yeah and there's nothing wrong with them
- There's nothing wrong with them, no. Never. Anyway, do you want to start?
- Yes. I am your God now. - Okay - Snape finds (blank) disturbing yet oddly charming. - Ooh....
- Oh yeah. Malfoy.... - Very funny. So, Snape finds.... Voldemort's nipples disturbing yet oddly charming. - So do we. I mean-
- Disturbing..... - Disturbing-
- Disturbing?? - Oh really?
- Only disturbing - Learning new things
- Some of us have actually seen them - Eugh no
- Ew - Okay
- Yeah just continue - Fourth year.
- Ughhhh - He didn't turn out of that cauldron clothed. - Snape finds.... Getting a blowjob from the Monster Book of Monsters disturbing, yet oddly charming. - That's oddly charming? Yeah, can you imagine though?
- No, no no I cannot I cannot imagine - Stop
- Please don't imagine - Oh I'm so glad I'm not a dude - Snape finds..... Ron's sweaty hands disturbing ye-
- I do not have sweaty hands! - But you kinda do.... - Hang on, let me test that So you have to choose now
- Yeah I'm going to choose that one. - Ron's sweaty hands?
- Yeah - Ron's sweaty hands. Awesome.
- Thank you - Thank you. Point to me. Okay one point to me. So you get how the game is working? - Yeah
- Okay - Accio.... Professor McGonagall's overused sex toys. It came. Accio Oliver Wood's special wand. It came. - Why is it his special wand, not his special broom? - Yeah he does have a special broom but I mean
- It's a missed opportunity - Accio Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. It came. - Oh wow.
- All of it All of it just arrived. Okay.
- Um So the most horrible one- I have to pick the most horrible one - Or the one that makes you feel weird
- Don't put that on me! - Which one do you choose? Which one came? - Oliver Wood's special wand? Maybe? - Yeah
- Did it come? - Yeah
- Thank you - The black card
- Yeah give me the black card - Okay, so the other one gets thrown in like a used card pile? - Yes
- Okay I'm gonna- Well, I can't win this round because I draw a black card so... This is very specific.
- Okay so, to whom? - To me
- Okay - Tom Riddle was shocked when Ginny began to write about (blank) in the diary - Oh wow
- Oh wow - Well, I know what I wrote about but.... Tom Riddle was shocked when Ginny began to write about..... Cedric Diggory in the diary - Hm
- Okay he was at Hogwarts - Well, you could have
- Well I didn't write about Cedric Diggory, okay. - Yeah because you wrote about Harry - Yeah like any 11-year-old girl - It was a long time ago
- Yeah, thankfully Tom Riddle was shocked when Ginny began to write about Snape in drag in the diary. - Well well. But that was- Okay, so that was the year after - Maybe I thought about it for a long long time - You should have taken Defense Against the Dark Arts with us and Lupin in third year - Yeah
- You should have. You would have seen some stuff. - Yeah I missed out on a lot - Tom Riddle was shocked when Ginny began to write about conservative values in the diary But I don't have a very conservative values, so I bet he would be shocked. - Well, a nugget of truth there
- A nugget of truth there. - But still, Snape in drag.
- Yay! That's mine. - That would have been- That's shocking.
- I needed to share that visual - Madam Trelawney sees.... Draco Malfoy's questionable sexuality in your future. - In YOUR future?
- In your fu- It doesn't specify whose future - Oh okay
- In THE future. - Madam Trelawney sees hot veela fantasies in your future. - In YOUR future, yes.
- That's your future, absolutely. - It could be in my future too but- - Madam Trelawney sees.... losing the house Cup because Harry and his friends went to another fucking adventure... in your future. - That's his future
- Yeah - That could definitely happen. That's like the past and the future - Yeah, that's every year
- Trelawney, that's not like a huge prediction That's more or less just like-
- Science - Science, yeah. That we have...uh.... - I think I'm gonna go with Malfoy's- - Questionable sexuality?
- Yeah - Oh no! What?
- Your future - Well, it's my future. However it's not really that questionable now, is it? - Where did my card-
- You should always question me. Okay, Gryffindors are well known for snogging all over Hogwarts grounds Yes.
- That's not just us on Hogwarts- - But Gryffindors are well known for it.
- They are the sneakiest ones. - That's true. Everybody else is hiding. - What? - Gryffindors are well known for Ginny Weasley. - Well... I mean...
- Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.
- I do have a mean bat-bogey hex though. I am kind of well known for that.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Gryffindors are well known for inter-house romances. - Oh this one is difficult. What are you gonna choose? - I think I'm actually going to go with the Ginny Weasley one - Yay!
- What? That wasn't even mine! But I had inter-house romances because, well, hi. - That was mine.
- Well thank you though. - Did I just take the lead?
- I think so, yeah - Oh wow. Interesting.
- Okay, let's see if somebody can catch up Eat (blank), Malfoy! - This game is horrible towards me. - I don't have anything good...
- I have so many great cards. (Harry whispers 'I have something you can eat', to Draco) - Not now! - Eat a love potion, Malfoy! - Thank you
- Okay Eat Bill Weasley's other piercing, Malfoy! - Don't tell mum about that!
- No, I was going to say.... I don't think he has told mum.
- No! - The other piercing?
- She was not fine with the first one. - Eat Hermione Granger, Malfoy! Um... Well... Not a love potion. I wouldn't- Okay. - That's okay
- And Hermione Granger- That's cannibalism. - Yes
- Um. I suppose... - You could mean it in several different ways - I suppose, Bill Weasley's other piercing. - Oh thank you
- Oh it's because you wanted it . Oh right. - This is not about your personal fantasies.
- He's basically not a Weasley.... - He's totally a Weasley
- He's the first Weasley - He's the heir of the Weasleys
- Yeah and then it just went downhill. - Right, so. Ginny.
- Well. We can't agree with that. - Yeah. Sorry. Oh. This is interesting. My Patronus is (blank). Do you know what my patronus is? Do you know it? I know it.
- Isn't it a horse? - Yeah it was a horse, right?
- Yeah it's a horse. You have a great memory. - My patronus is a dog.
- Like a dog? - Yeah
- A small dog? - A dog.
- Some kind of terrier I think. Woof! Woof! Sorry... - You should come in closer.
- Sorry. I mean.... (Harry whispering something to Draco) - Nothing fits! - So, my patronus is Lavender Brown spanking Ron Weasley. That would be some sight.
- I'm sorry, Ron. - Imagine if I could do that every time I think of my happiest memory. Okay. My patronus is finding out your patronus is a sea cucumber. Does that mean MY patronus is a sea cucumber?
- I guess yeah - Yeah
- I have a dick shaped patronus. Okay. Interesting. And the next one is: My patronus is a penis patronus. - They go hand in hand.
- Yeah they're all kind of..... - I was gonna say are they all kind of true?
- They all kind of match - Except one. - Well I mean... There's, um. Ron spanking Lavender. I mean. They're all great. - Yeah, but one totally stands out to me - Probably your card.... - Like what would be the worst? - Yeah if you cast the patronus and suddenly you see your brother there being spanked-
- Being spanked by Lavender Brown. - That's a boggart, not a patronus.
- Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say. - Yeah
- Yeah - It doesn't make me happy. Well, it does make me happy because it's like.... It's too much not to laugh because it's.... it's just ridiculous. No this is a hard one because um...
- What does your heart tell you? - Yes I agree 100%
- Okay yeah that's true. Lavender Brown spanking Ron Weasley.
- Yes. Thank you. - You just wanted to imagine that one, right?
- Yes. - What? What?
- Great Discard these ones. - This is a perfect game for me. - I was banned from playing Quidditch because of..... Professor Umbridge's unspeakable experience in the Forbidden Forest - Um.... - Yeah - I was bad from playing Quidditch because of attempting to seduce Professor McGonagall. What? Why are you laughing?
- I can see that. She would totally ban you though. - Oh yeah
- She would. She would. - I was banned from playing Quidditch because of getting drunk on butterbeer. - That makes sense
- Well then I guess McGonagall wins - Yes
- Thank you I was kind of imagining it. I'm imagining a lot of things. - I like how it says "attempting".
- Yeah. Attempting. - I'm sorry professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because I was being a spoiled brat. - Well, at least you're honest, so it's good
- Thank you I'm sorry professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because I was getting into someone's Chamber of Secrets - Wow
- Good one. Smooth. - So smooth. I don't think they wanna know that. - I'm sorry, professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because I was being violated by a hippogriff - So these are all about you, then? - These are all kind of true. - These are all correct. How to choose? - I'm going to choose the hippogriff one.
- What? - Well, I mean, it's true, so.... - Hang on. You've got.... - Well, at least he has pulled that one, actually - Yeah, I mean
- Oh boo hoo! My arm's broken...No it's not. - That's 100% true. - Professor- uh. Madam Pomfrey heals a broken arm in seconds so - She grew my arm back once
- Yeah, and it only took like 24 hours. - Yep for one night full of agony. But yeah. - Okay. I can't go to Hogsmeade. I have 12 Scrolls about..... Dumbledore's questionable hiring practices due tomorrow. - That would be 12 scrolls.
- That would be 12 scrolls. I can't go to Hogsmeade. I have 12 Scrolls about..... Cedric's cold corpse due tomorrow. - That's horrible - I can't go to Hogsmeade. I have 12 Scrolls about..... accidentally turning yourself into a furry due tomorrow. - Like someone really hairy, or...? - Hang on. Do they mean- Does that mean...? That means.... - Remember in second year? - I only heard about this. I didn't see her. I only heard about it. - It's a good thing Hermione's not here.
- Yeah - Okay. Um....
- What? - Honestly though, Dumbledore's questionable hiring practices. - Yeah, I could get behind that one. It's not mine, but I'll get behind it. - I don't mean to keep giving them to him
- Oh really - Yeah
- Do you have any cards? It's okay. It's just a game, Ron.
- How many do you have? - Four.
- Uh, yeah. Four. - Okay. I have three.
- I have three. - You have three. - Okay, right. It's Ginny's turn.
- Yeah, it's my turn so I won't get a card this turn. Parseltongueing to someone's trouser snake in the dungeon. Thought you'd like to know.... - That seems very directed at one specific person who might know how to speak parseltongue. - We don't want to know really.
- No - Just keep it in your pants. - Or in my mouth...
- Gross - No!
- But also, this one. Keep it in your pants. Ron Weasley's freckled penis in the dungeon. Thought you'd like to know.... No. I did not want to know. Thank you for telling me. Neville motherfucking Longbottom, that's who, in the dungeon. Thought you'd like to know.... - Okay
- I mean... - These are all good in very different ways - These are all kind of great in very different ways Neville is a badass. You should know this. But also Ron Weasley's frecked penis Yes, please. Whose-?
- Mine. - Yeah I though that
- Thank you - I think I think we're gonna be good friends one day - Well you have similar tastes - Ah this one
- It was a huge surprise when my boggart turned into Severus Snape's-- pale, but fairly big prick. - So many inconveniences in the dungeon - It was a real surprise when my boggart turned into a dick shaped scar on your head. Things could be worse, Harry, I guess - Just be glad you don't have that
- Yeah I suppose. - It was a real surprise when my boggart turned into Ginny Weasley naked on a broom - Well I'm glad it was a surp- No! I'm not glad it was a surprise I'm not- No!
- Was that your card? - Probably - I will go with Snape, I think.
- Yay! - Hogwarts' newest detention: Cleaning Ron's broken wand by hand. - That's risky - Hogwarts' newest detention: Cleaning a trophy that is also a portkey by hand. - Also risky
- That is very risky - Hogwarts' newest detention: Cleaning the dozens of Weasley children by hand. - Who's that a detention for? - I have to go with that one - Well you've got to, like... - Throwing shade at your own family.
- Yeah - Ravenclaws are really good at being a dick to children. Okay
- Some of them - Ravenclaws are really good at wizard porn - I bet they are
- Probably - Ravenclaws are really good at spending time in Dumbledore's office. No. That's Gryffindors.
- Yeah - Well two of them I know are inaccurate- Or, one of them I know is inaccurate, I think. The other two- Of the other two I suppose the most horrible one would be wizard porn. - Aw your first card
- Finally - And it's for wizard porn. That's so great. - You can always trust wizard porn
- I'm proud of you. - Always trust in the wizard porn. Yes. - Ginny's turn
- Oh right. I was distracted by the wizard porn. - Who isn't? - Well. I bet you can answer this, all of you. Maybe not you but- Harry Potter really likes (blank) in bed. I mean. Probably two of you can answer this one truthfully. I hope that Ron can't answer this truthfully. But I mean, you have lived in the same dormitory for, like, years. Harry Potter really likes Slytherin in bed. - Ooh - Yeah
- That's very generic, I think - Uh. Or very specific, I think.
- Yes - Harry Potter really likes receiving a tender blowjob in bed. Well who wouldn't like that? I mean- - That's true
- Sounds nice, this one - Ginny! Can't you just read the cards? - Harry Potter really likes He Who Must Not Be Named in bed. That's- Are you sure? Really? No? Okay. - I'm broken inside now - Yeah. We've noticed. I'm gonna go with Slytherin because- I told you he knows what you like. You've been living with each other for so long. - Too long I think
- That's not really a secret though To the people in this room I suppose.
- Yeah - Okay sure
- Um okay - "Look at what my father got me. It's a Quidditch match that lasts three years...." Draco bragged. Quite a gift.
- Wow - Yeah
- Wow - "Look at what my father got me. It's.... Being excused from being a bully because you're conventionally attractive...." Draco bragged. - That's not a bad thing - It's just true. - "Look at what my father got me. It's professors playing favourites," Draco bragged. - Shit
- You got it from your father - Hmmm. He must be so proud. - Let's go with professors playing favourites
- Yes - I think that's-
- Because it is true, mean and funny. - But also Being excused because you think you're pretty. That's- Yeah. - He is kind of pretty though. It's not an excuse, but he's pretty. - No but- Yeah, okay. Sure, whatever. - It comes in handy, though - Okay, that's, uh... - Polishing your wand is the reason boys aren't allowed in the girls' dormitories - Um
- Ew. Ew. Ew ew ew. - Swishing and flicking is the reason boys aren't allowed in the girls' dormitory - Speaking of which... Yes - So- What? the boys aren't necessary? That's why-
- Yes Harry's "wand" is the reason boys aren't allowed in the girls'- - What? There's a lot of- This is very sexual, this. - I guess that's why they're allowed
- Yeah - Yeah. You wanna tell us something?
- No, that's fine. - You sure?
- I never- I'm not the one who's tried To get into the girls' dormitory But it was completely innocent though.
- Yeah - We just needed to go and get Hermione - Yeah. You were just excited to see Hermione - Yeah because she's my friend - Yeah. "Friend." Erm... I will choose.... swishing and flicking, I think - Swishing and flicking. Oh wow. - Do the frick frack - Do the frickety frack, indeed. That's what we call it at home. The frickety frack frack. - When Ron Weasley isn't afraid of spiders, he's afraid of Dobby's sock When Ron Weasley isn't afraid of spiders, he's afraid of hugging the Dark Lord - I'm afraid of that
- I'm always afraid of that - I mean, that's- I was gonna say that's that's just common sense When Ron Weasley isn't afraid of spiders, he's afraid of Molly Weasley. - Mum can be kind of terrifying - Who was Molly Weasley? Clearly-
- Yeah that's me - Clearly that won
- Because- Yeah - 'Cause, I mean, your mum's great, but she's also a force to be reckoned with - Yeah
- Yeah - Prefects go crazy with fucking Rita Skeeter over a table when everyone else is in bed. - Ugh! What is this game? - Maybe she deserves it? Or, like, if it's a good shag, then maybe she doesn't deserve it - Just keep reading the cards Ginny!
- Don't- Stop. Do you need to elaborate? - I need to think about-
- No you don't! You really don't.
- Okay Prefects go crazy with the systematic enslavement of house elves when everyone else is in bed. - So we mistreat the house elves and just make them do-
- Yeah - Hermione is a prefect - Yes
- Yeah - She goes crazy in the opposite direction. - Also the prefects go crazy with dark magic when everyone else is in bed - That might be true. We don't know.
- Yeah - Yeah. I'm not a prefect, so-
- You don't know - These are all very different - Yeah - I mean, it would be funny if they were all - They might all be true
- going crazy with these things together at the same time. - Sounds like a ritual of some sort. - Yeah like fucking Rita Skeeter over a table Now that kind of resonates with me Whose one was that? That's yours. We do have the same humour. It's terrible. - Draco! What? - The only thing you can say about Hufflepuffs is..... wizards incorrectly dressed as muggles There are some muggleborns there - They are kind of eccentric so... - Yeah
- What? - The only thing you can say about Hufflepuffs is absolutely nothing. - That's so terrible - I mean, we know that one's going to win, I'm sorry - Yeah, you don't have to- - The only thing you can say about Hufflepuffs is thinking the Forbidden Forest is a great vacation spot. No, that's Hagrid.
- Yeah - Yeah. Yeah. You've misspelled Hagrid there Yeah, but absolutely-
- Yeah - I mean, they do feel left out Okay, so let's see
- Yeah. It's kind of sad and true but also great So we're done?
- Yes - I got six - Two, three, four, five, six, seven. - Five - The winner
- Yeah - Yeah, well, I think the game is kind of like partial to me - Because you own it? - Yeah because it's my game at the moment.
- Why is it your game? - Because they gave it to me - Okay, so these last ones w-
- Why is the map Harry's? Because they gave it to him
- Yeah I know - Let's do it again some time
- Okay, I'm gonna go up to the dorm and.... - Polish your wand?
- Yeah, I'll follow- - Yeah, just remember to cast muffliato this time - I'll follow Draco out. Come on. Thanks Ginny - Yeah. Thanks for playing. [Captions by that-nerdy-hufflepuff]
