heartbreak, one year later.

like a 99.9% chance this is gonna happen to you in life and that's just kind of falling for someone that doesn't feel the same way as a year ago I made a video opening up about my first ever heartbreak at the time I made that video fully for myself what I didn't realize is how many of you needed it just as much as me today I'm reopening that heartache to reflect on what I've learned in that year's time I'm just gonna warn you guys this is gonna be pretty long if you want to definitely comment below your stories of any kind of heartbreak how you got through it any of that kind of stuff and I'll be replying to people's comments if you're going through stuff I definitely want to help you so yeah if this video is gonna be very long-winded I'm sorry kind of not really let's get into it super quick backstory last summer I ended things with a guy that I had liked for three years back in 2015 we met we hit it off we did have a few months of both back and forth liking each other and then he just started to get wishy-washy when it could have been real he just wasn't sure he said so I waited I stayed his friend and I waited and I thought he would come around I waited while he hooked up with other girls and I heard about other girl friend type things and while I waited that just hurt me and hurt me and hurt me [Music] when someone isn't sure about you it makes you feel like you're not good enough it made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough I wasn't smart enough I didn't have enough money I wasn't successful enough I wasn't funny enough I wasn't enough of anything and I would compare myself to other girls I just constantly felt like I wasn't enough and that isn't totally his fault like that's on me but it's really not cool when someone doesn't know if they want to be with you okay that made me feel not good about myself and that's something that I lived with for the three years that I liked him and that I was friends with him after being friends with him for around three years and constantly feeling like I wasn't good enough and wanting to be with him and waiting around it was finally realizing that I am not the problem and you are not the problem and you shouldn't be waiting around for someone when they have problems and I'm not saying like these people have issues everyone has problems everyone has baggage but if they're not willing to address their problems or fix their problems it's not your job to try and help them or wait for them that's their problem you're not gonna fix them he definitely has major intimacy issues he would always get close enough that it was kind of exciting and leave girls on but not close enough to hurt himself and I realized that I was like he just will never open up I don't want to be with someone who's never gonna open up what am I waiting around for his issues were something that we're never gonna change and there were something I would never want in a relationship and I knew why am i hurting myself like this I need to let go and move on I was just stagnant for three years I was not getting anywhere I wasn't growing in that department of relationships and love and that's what I needed to do for me in a moment I was definitely afraid that I would regret it I would regret the way I did it what I said and now a year later I do not regret any word that I said the way that I did it anything about it I'm so happy with how I did it for me it was being able to kind of break up with him even though we never dated on my own terms I got to decide like I need to kind of break up with you and that's how I finally got my closure I needed that closure on my terms selfishly when I broke up with him I laid it all out there I told him how much he meant to me even that day I called him out on his issues too even when I was like I just can't foresee you again it was pretty dramatic and I even remember when he was walking out the door he said see you around and I said no you won't and I shut the door but I don't regret a single thing I said I meant everything that I said and I'm happy living with what I said I said I was gonna do this a million times before I finally did and if you're in this situation you'll probably do the same I have a lot of friends that are doing the same and what I tell them is okay you're gonna live with yourself and he's gonna text you or she's gonna hang out with you and it's gonna feel better for the afternoon and you're gonna think hey that person isn't so bad and then that's gonna wear off the next time it gets frustrating because you remember that you're not getting what you want and finally one day you're just gonna be so sick of it it's gonna come out of you and you're gonna say it you're gonna be afraid but you're finally gonna do it and that's pretty much what happened for me so many times I said I was gonna do it and finally just this one day I was so sick of feeling the way I did I finally just did it letting go hurts you saw something special in that person and there's a reason that you held on for so long so when you do let go it can feel like a loss and it honestly it can feel like someone died but it's not a loss it's a game to take from one of my friends who has always given me a really good advice he was the one that told me you know Monica you can't look at this as a loss you're actually gaining so much from this situation you're gaining yourself back you're gaining this positivity in your life back and like your sanity and you're gaining the opportunity to let yourself let go I didn't realize it until now looking back but I really did everything right for me to heal properly some people can have the tendency to jump into a new relationship it can be a quick fix really to get the other person off your mind but whatever messed you up from that previous relationship you're not addressing those issues and you're not fixing them and for me I did not want to jump into meeting anyone new I was really quite the opposite I was so done with boys and I just wanted to focus on myself which is exactly what you should do for me I experienced so much time disliking myself and feeling like I wasn't enough I had to build myself back up and do things to realize that I love myself I didn't realize that at the time until I look back and I'm like well I did that and now I'm okay I started going to fitness classes and I didn't do it for the superficial reason of getting your revenge body I did it because it was the self-care that it felt so good to go and just leave my phone leave the world and just be in tune with my body and be pushing myself and pushing my body to its limits cardio or running or any kind of fitness it just clears your mind if that helped me so much another thing I did was I just poured into my friends and my family and myself so much more I'm lucky I have so many amazing friends who are always there for me friendship is so important to me and friendship needs to be maintained and you have to work at it it means a lot to do something for friends or be there for friends or just make an effort to hang out with them so that was a huge thing too and just myself giving myself enough time to relax and do what I mean and then also I did a little bit of traveling so I went to Europe with my sister traveling was just really good too because it reminded me how big the world is how much is out there and how miniscule my little issue was I did a lot of working on myself a lot of finding out how to be happy with myself it only took me about like three months to really feel back and then right around that time a boy is knocking on the door they say it always happens when you're not looking for it and wasn't looking for it even though I built myself back up I was so happy with myself I still wanted nothing to do with boys because I was like okay I finally got back to me and I'm happy by myself I would just want to stay by myself because I'm happy with me and right around that time is when one of my friends started saying hey Monica there's this guy that really wants to go on a date with you so I was reluctant but I agreed to go on a date with him once you get over somewhere in dating someone new can be heart our first date was a double date that was super fun and it was a good way to get to know someone there wasn't really any pressure there and I must say okay I was waiting for my uber home that night and he kissed me and it was so unexpected like let me tell you it was such a good kiss a million points for Ben on the timing there like I honestly will never forget that so then when I got Luber I was just kind of like huh what just happened in the next day I was so excited so then we went on more about proper first date and it went well it went as well as the first day could go first dates are kind of awkward but it was good I was still excited about it and we planned on going on a second date so then we go on the second date and again it's good but then afterwards I just kind of got home and I wasn't feeling it and I was so frustrated that I wasn't feeling it and it wasn't feeling it because I realized this was gonna be hard but the whole time getting to know him was comparing him to the old guy and I would get sad that he was different from the old guy and I was like but he's not old guy and so I was sad and I realized I was not over the old guy and I was so frustrated because I was like god this is taken up like over three years like why do I still care about this guy and think about him and I was so sad and I was like I'm not gonna talk to this new guy anymore I'm just gonna not so a week passes and new guys kind of like which is Ben is kind of like texting me a little bit and trying to make plans and I was just kind of like oh I'm busy this week for the week passes and something in me just goes you know why you're looking at this completely wrong new guy is different from old guy obviously people are different those differences aren't a bad thing they're actually a good thing and you're never gonna get anywhere you're never gonna get over this person if ya you keep comparing them like they are different and you're not looking at this right Monica and you need to give this another chance so I decided to give it another chance thank God I did little did Ben know Ben never knew this he just thought I was busy for a week he never knew I literally it was contemplating just not talking to him anymore and that was all on me that was just me being weird he did nothing wrong I just thought I wasn't over it when really I was just didn't know how to process like this newness and the old Miss and everything and how it was actually a good thing and that can be hard but that's why I wanted to talk about that because when you date someone new and you shouldn't look at someone's differences is a bad thing it's actually really exciting that they're different and new and hopefully better for you so then I gave him another chance we go on some more dates and the rest is history I've been dating Ben for over seven months now I want to say and I can honestly say I genuinely love him he's such a great person like it makes me he's just like truly the best and like I'm just like actually really happy I met him he gave it a chance I'm so thankful for him and I can see now looking back how he's so much better for me and he's an amazing person with so many amazing qualities and I'm just really excited about where things are going so Craig needs to solve now it's just crazy because I didn't expect that at all by cutting this guy out I was not then searching for some guy it was the opposite I was just searching for myself and what I've realized and the whole theme of this video what I want you guys to know is if last summer I didn't do what I did I'd be sitting here today in the same place I was I wouldn't have grown as a person I wouldn't have learned I wouldn't have let people in and by letting go I was finally able to grow and let so many better things come my way you can't see it now but when you let go you're making room for so many better things to come your way if I would have cut that guy off I know for a fact I would have still felt not good enough I still would have compared myself to other girls I still would have gone on a few dates with Ben but I know it wouldn't have gone anywhere because I still would have thought old guy was still kind of an option when he was it it's just crazy to me like how much can happen when you finally let go but you need to be ready to let go and it took me a long time to be ready but I've learned so much from it I think the actual last thing I'll say is I got comments from people in the video and in real life that were like you know what I guarantee you just wait a few months a year whenever at some point he's gonna call you again he's gonna text you he's gonna want to see you he's gonna regret it blah blah blah whatever life is not a movie like he's not gonna come crying back like I don't want that to happen I just it off because I want to now move on I decided to move on and you guys I just want to say that didn't happen I have literally never heard from him since so then I knew another question would be like okay so like if you moved on would you be friends with him again and the answer to that is absolutely not I believe that there are some people that come into your life and they stay in your life but there's some people that come into your life and they're just a season and they're just something for you maybe to learn from and they're in your life for a little bit and then they're out and that's exactly what he was I don't want him ever back in my life he hurt me horribly I forget him yes from a distance I just I don't see it necessary to like try and be friends with someone again to some people really want that I just don't eat that like I have enough friends sorry so that's it guys a year later this is me I'm happy to be where I'm at today and I don't regret a damn thing about the decision I made so thank you guys for watching if we new here you can subscribe to my channel I upload every weekend see you next weekend kay back you give me I give you

Channel: Monica Church

Views: 2,436,443

Keywords: monica church, monica, hairodynamic, gymnastics, beauty guru, diy, lifestyle, millennial life crisis, monica church boyfriend, boyfriend, heartbreak, heart break, how to get over a break up, how to get over a crush, how to get over your ex, how to get over someone, why i've been gone lately, othermonica

Id: fAjpY5ugF94

Length: 14min 25sec (865 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 01 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Wow!! Thank you for sharing. I needed this ❤️

[u/jackie_ou_ohyeah]

Same here, thanks for sharing. There are great reminders in that video I needed.