I Made A Bucket List To Overcome My Devastating Breakup

it is feels like this huge chunk of my life is gone the worst part is that I miss him and I don't want to do Sam because he's happy somewhere else [Music] four months ago I was in a six year long relationship with someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with we met in Montreal in 2013 where we spent our first two years together in 2015 we moved to Korea and we spent our third year traveling around Asia after that we were in a long-distance open relationship for three years it was a risk that we were willing to take because we were committed to each other in April 2009 he moved in with me in LA I thought we were finally going to be together but I was wrong after only two weeks of him being here everything fell apart the day he left was the worst day of my life and I knew I had to do something about it or else I would stay miserable and paralyzed so the first thing I did was reach out to friends I've gone through a breakup what were things you did to move on from your breakup when my seven-year relationship ended I muted him in all my social media because I knew I needed time for myself I decided to put all the things in one box write a letter burn it got rid of everything that reminded me of him to put myself out there he took the first trip by myself dinner by yourself I took up writing I'm sorry to enjoy silence one of those things was getting a septum piercing you freed me from everything and it made me happier after talking to friends I decided I need to complete three goals in order to move on goal number one give myself permission to feel I need to keep opening up and just talk it's just so I heard the say goodbye goal number two accepting self I need to relearn to love myself and do things for me goal number three seeing goodbye I need to complete this task in order to move on and just close this chapter of my life in order to complete goal number one give myself permission of feel I decide to speak of a life coach in order to dive deeper and understand my emotions when you think about what's keeping you in a suffering and this breakup what's the main sticking point for you he was confused and maybe if I've done something better before his judgements would be clearer sometimes I feel like regretting pursuing my goals being here and why wasn't he happy with me I was so sure that I wanted to be with him he was my best friend and I felt like he understand how painful this is you're making it mean a lot of things about you people make their decisions based on what's going on for them more so than what's happening for the other person but you said something very key about your relationship with him you said I felt like I could be myself that part of you that push and be the best all the time that that softened a bit and you could just be you yeah that relationship had end so you can internalize this it's so hard to say goodbye but it's so important to say goodbye because the person that needs to accept you Lillian it's you there's nothing you could have done differently this was the result that really was for your highest good after speaking of Christine I definitely feel lighter I need stop blaming and torturing myself for something that is beyond my control and just focus on loving and accepting myself goal number two accepting self for this one I knew I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that scare me one of those things is to get my first tattoo my friend told me his story of traveling and just getting tattoos after his divorce and that really inspired me so I want to get a tattoo to mark the next chapter of my life this is my first one are you down to get another tattoo because I will literally fly out to New York so we could get them together York let's complete circles together what tattoo are you getting today I've been thinking of getting a moon phase tattoo right behind my back I'll be getting good luck my kid this is my first tattoo so I'm really nervous does it hurt people always overthink but it doesn't hurt at all you're in good hands ready well doesn't feel the pain is all about that you're gonna get hooked after this this breakup made me think of the moon phase and I thought that was perfect the moon changes and it's going through different phases and it's just like how humans are going through life we just keep evolving I chose my cat today was much Ross we were living for 21 years together and he passed out a few years ago so I decided to memorize him by having a portrait like it's like a therapy for yourself overcoming something big will usually come if something happens and they want to have that captured tattoo in my opinion is the only thing you're gonna take with you you can take a look wow I really liked it details wow that's very cute thank you I love it so much Congrats the very first has it sunk in like I still can't believe it's there after that I want to push myself even more and do a no makeup nude photo shoot could give him what he was looking for it makes me feel like I'm worthless I feel like this is a really important aspect of what I need to learn after the breakup I definitely felt not good enough we're not pretty enough I have my hair up all the time maybe I just don't put makeup anymore so this is really like challenging myself and trying to look beautiful without makeup and my hair tied up [Music] I was worried that my photos will look flat looking at the photos after it's been shot they look great the photo shoot helped me feel empowered and in control of my body this is who I am and I shouldn't change that for anyone else goal number three saying goodbye I decided to do a final walk in his neighborhood and solo dine at the restaurant where we had our first date at six years ago on my way to the restaurant I stopped by his old apartment after work we would commute together and walk to his apartment and even though right now this is not a place that we would hang out this is still a place that means a lot to the relationship and the stories that we've built I could actually remember vividly this place I only knew these places because of him so I felt anxious being there by myself we've only gone together I remember the tables have little drawers underneath and there was a bunch of papers that people have left poetry little notes drawings so I want to go there I just want to write something that could be meaningful for someone else so I want to write this note similar to what my friend's mom told me which really helped me process things she said when you're in a five or ten year relationship and that ends when you're in your 20s or 30s it feels like the end of the world because it's such a big chunk of your life but when you're in your 50s or 60s and looking back at it it doesn't feel as important because there's so much more that you experienced later on so I wrote I realized it's the end of the relationship and it feels like a really big deal right now but I'm excited for when it feels like a pleasant memory after I've lived more of my life our six years together will only feel like a fraction I'm glad I went to the restaurant it wasn't as awkward or as bad as I thought it would be I was glad I enjoyed myself and I just wrote that message while I was sitting in the metro I started to feel a little sad because I started to remember him I remember us this reminded me that a relationship wasn't always bad there was a lot of happiness I don't work Brett meeting him and I'm so grateful that he allowed me to be a part of his life for the time that we had after the whole experience of being back home it was really emotional but it was also the closure that I needed his whole journey was very therapeutic and I know that I am doing the right steps to move forward I'm still sad obviously because I'm not over him and I know that takes time and all I know is that I am on the right what would you say there never have we had the chance oh that we heard this say goodbye I'm just like so thankful and happy that I had him in this chapter of my life there's gonna be a light after this tunnel inward we're gonna be we're gonna be okay if you are going through something similar this whole process sucks it's a really awful feeling but it's a part of being human don't let that paralyze you just do the best that you can you'll eventually be in a much better place [Music] you

Channel: As/Is

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Keywords: buzzfeed, as/is, buzzfeed as/is, I Made A Bucket List To Overcome My Devastating Breakup, women's lifestyle, women's love life, breakup, bad breakup, boyfriend, girlfriend, getting over a breakup, life coach, bucket list, bucket list to get over a breakup, women, love, tattoo, lifestyle, mental health, as is, buzzfeed as is, ending a 6 year relationship

Id: vICVwjSlRwo

Length: 10min 45sec (645 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 15 2019