Have I Got 30 Years for You. Have I Got News for You

[Music] [Applause] [Music] hello and welcome to have i got 30 years for you well paul 30 years that's a remarkable achievement for any tv show absolutely and i think it's really seeped into the public consciousness i was watching an episode of uh richard osmond's house of games the other day and the one of the contestants was asked which uh popular tv quiz show started in 1990 features team captains ian hislop and paul merton and give the name of the program in reverse order without a moment's hesitation the contestant said stars shooting if you think that's tragic i was watching the chase that is tragic yeah and uh uh the question was um which ian um has been editor of uh satirical magazine for over 30 years ian who and the contestant said again just like that ian himmler [Laughter] and is that the right answer [Music] so [Applause] that is jeffrey archer in fact he's talking about railways about which he knows a great deal having handed over 2 000 pounds in notes to uh prostitute on a railway station allegedly i was very aware of it i mean everybody was it was it was a kind of radical landscape-changing thing paul and jill what have you come up with for this take that you old bag i am genuinely interested in politics and news and current affairs so um and obviously like a laugh so it was it's always been one of my favorite shows some irresponsible vandal has had the audacity to paint a hitler moustache on the portrait of mrs thatcher it must be the first time she's been touched up since cecil left i just thought it was so great to have a panel show like that that was about something a that i was really interested in but b that wasn't just knob jokes there is a connection with arms deals and i better be slightly careful here uh maxwell was a crook at an arms dealer and he's dead and he can't see at that moment in time i would have found it inconceivable that any comedy show particularly a panel show would run for 30 years i'm sitting here with a tub of love trying to answer questions [Music] [Applause] nobody lets you stay on tv for 30 years just because they you know out of charity um you got to be good and so that's that's what we call back home sustained excellence and the winner is have i got news for you it could not have existed at all and the pilot was was terrible apparently you can't really imagine that when you see it now [Music] the news quiz had been running 13 years when somebody had the idea for doing a thing a bit like it on television good evening and welcome to news round in the news this week i knew john lloyd because i worked as a writer on spitting image and i knew he was absolutely brilliant you know one of the great producers and i thought well you know this will probably be good and now around to test our contestants in-depth knowledge of the house of commons as we ask them to name that member for you paul and simon sometimes something can start off quite sort of uh out of focus which is what it was it was a bit blurry nobody really knowing what they were meant to be doing the format didn't embrace the idea we were gonna do a tv show it was all very verbal three members of the house who happily share a name with three world famous generals well it's bernard rommel i know that's the uh i'd never read an auto cue before the thing was really difficult was that these spontaneous jokes were actually coming at you you know on string and i wasn't a good enough actor well it's richard alexander to give uh after um richard alexander i don't know where's he from newark that's right my late mother who uh came to see it i sort of bounded up afterwards and see what she thought and she said never mind dear i said to jimmy marvel afterwards i don't think i don't think this is me and you know get somebody else i think if you trust the people making the show and you feel there's potential for it and the pilot goes wrong i i i like to think of i have this phrase called failing to succeed if if you're going to succeed you need to know about failure they then had to sort of uh you know hold some a couple of auditions and get you know just get people to come in and do a sort of dry run of it i to angus suppose auditioned sandy toxic we even auditioned chris evans before he became chris evans when they suggested this pretty obscure radio guy and voice over guy called angus deaton they go who so uh put your feet up take the phone off the hook and uh and put your feet up at the time angus was best known for playing presenters on sketch shows i mean he was really good at acting the presenter of a show good evening and welcome to have i got news for you as iraq runs short of medical supplies patients waiting for pacemakers are forced to improvise when angus stepped into that chair first time i saw him i thought he's much better than me he's so good it's bill clinton's stated plan to send a peace envoy to belfast clinton said that americans want to put an end to violence in ulster well they can stop paying for it for a start he could have been on the board of an advertising company he was suave he was you know he was cool and he read the autocue like it was coming out of his head he was perfect so it's goodbye from me and it looks like it could be goodbye from her poppycock [Laughter] angus was a very strong part of the the trio that was making the show every week and he was a perfect foil particularly for paul and every now and again he and paul would have an off-script kind of engagement leslie nielsen [Laughter] i always think brown is tremendously underrated it was constructed as a sitcom that was the genius where angus deaton was the sort of father figure the authority figure and ian was the good son who'd done his homework and knew everything and paul was the wayward son who'd been smoking around the back of the bike sheds i'm just going to blow my nose to make sure that this gets edited out i'll just carry on saying it yeah right uh where were we oh yes we were talking about your brown suit but they would both kick against his authority in the middle tony blair and gordon brown have already been dubbed within the labour party the beautiful people then given their main rivals of margaret beckett and robin cook it's not that surprising they're not auditioning for baywatch anglers this is a job to lead the labour party well they're the ones who are dubbed the beautiful people i'm sorry i can't do anything about it no you carry on with your lookest rubbish go on say robin cook looks like a garden name i bet that's coming up robin cook of course looks like a gardener it was to do with somehow education class where you come from also competition they were competing with each other there was a story about a man called paul merson taking a huge amount of cocaine um and appearing drugged in public which understandably a lot of people thought was tv's own paul merton it always had an edge the relationship there was a thing going around that it was me for a while there was a room ago and my wife got phoned up last week at the middle of the night and she said i'm sorry i am so sorry no don't apologize it was wasn't a problem i think originally paul and he probably still does think this um thought i was just another classic oxbridge stuffed shirt twit um who hadn't done his time in comedy and didn't really know anything oh push morty viggo that's a lovely impression you have university that's you that's you yeah wait the walkway didn't you knew with our mortar boards on i thought it was important for me and ian to have a rivalry as team captains you know so i said to ian very early on i suggested that we should play the quiz element seriously uh which he was he didn't need any persuasion or no that's how he saw it and he does indeed still play the quiz element very seriously which is a shame uh because he very rarely wins to him tonight turn the faster over i mean what's you got nothing metal workout level and what have you got grounding in the classic greek latin ancient history the dynamic between angus and the other two was kind of odd but of course it gave a flavor to the show and so to a one out round in which a monkey with a pin has a one in four chance of getting it right so let's see how he does paul i think if you've got a bit of acid in the mix and you can keep it under control so nobody gets cross or sulks or shows it on camera you've got a very good mix it's always a good idea to analyze what you're doing well if you're a brain surgeon it is i don't understand what you're doing for god's sake no it'll come down as reading out loud what was clear um with have i got news for you early on was that it was incredibly well produced the initial producer was a guy called harry thompson he was in a sense in a classic mold that would go back to the 60s satire boom you know that that was the week that was of we're going to say what we shouldn't say we don't mind whose feathers we ruffled and with paul merton this week we were hoping to be joined by the right honourable roy hattersley but sadly and for the third time in our brief history he's pulled out at the last minute due to having something better to do so as his replacement liable to give much the same performance and imbued with many of the same qualities we're delighted to welcome a tub of lard right from the early days when harry thompson was the producer and put the tub of lard on there is an element of just um oh let's do this and see what happens just let's shake this up let's have a go at this in his mctaggart lecture this year john burt praised this program have i got news for you has carried forward an ancient national tradition of puncturing the powerful and pompous i said the puffed up little [ __ ] most of the time we talk about the risks you take in comedy this time we were actually taking a bit of a risk with a man's life because salman rushdie had written the satanic verses and there was a fatwa out on him which seemed to give license to anyone to kill him if they wanted to i think this is raymond illingworth's bid to ban god or at least the gods chaplain from the dressing room yeah i think there's not much we said about that he should be sentenced to death jimmy melville said that there was one show very early on when i was sitting next to robert harris when the missing word was i i i made maggie blank said nigel i made snatcher what boasts nigel to swallow jimmy said i was ah that hit the note that we should sort of like not necessarily be that rude but that sort of kind of irreverence is something that we should probably sort of pursue people saying to me how are you allowed to be that rude about the government and i explained to them this is the point of being in britain this is one of the freedoms we have uh the suicide pact will be enforced if the tory rebels have their way although if john major did try and blow his own brains out they'd have to be a bloody good shot that's not clean at all no no it's quite funny though i think that's maybe one of the reasons it's endured so long is that it doesn't feel didactic actually which a lot of political comedy just feels like i'm going to take you from this position of ignorance to the correct position whereas they seem neither merely political nor just silly on which note i leave you with news at a crowded london party someone shouts oy [ __ ] across the room i've said to politicians in the past they said i thought i'd have a go at ian i said no no no don't don't don't have a go at ian honestly because he'll come back at you and he'll make you look silly what is possible at the ritz anything dinners dinners no um grandma's not good there no dinners is possible grandma's not the strongest private eye he edits a magazine you can't expect him to know these things um me a covergirl all right what did we say oh oh that was it you were saying what would it take to make you resign and he said about 10 grand in a brown envelope grammar all right there for you i think so ian's forensic and quite moral analysis of um events always feels worth listening to they found you guilty didn't they conrad the jury uh nine acquittals complimented by a unanimous vacation of the four guilty verdicts by the supreme court of the army one for fraud and one for obstruction of justice oh stop reciting the verdict as though it was true it's great that there are people like ian who still have um what looks like and very much seems to be integrity and i've come here you come here to say you're innocent which is sweet but not true the audience wants ian to tell us who are the heroes and villains here what do we need to know and for paul to make it all okay by finding a joke or moving it on it's all about chads isn't it which is the the the mark that those punching machines makes and the argument is over dimple chads if there's a good honest american hole in it it's a republican vote yeah there's a dimple it's a sort of liberally democratic it's a sitcom in that at home with the chads you've got the hanging chad he's like the public hang man you've got the swinging channels the groovy teenager the try chad he's in the chinese gang and the pregnant one's obviously the one who's pregnant i'll write it now actually paul martin has no perceivable run-up which is very rare in a performer most of the time when someone's improvising you see them scrabble around and you see a sense of cogs whirring and then trying to reach for the right word or to bend the situation to something that will work comically whereas his attack on it seems immediate yeah it was really hard a 12 year old boy was chased 200 yards all the way home yeah he ran in slammed the door in the badgers face and then it the bad just shot through the cat flap glad you held him hostage got hold he would take the peeler the mum came home the badger overpowered her took over her identity and her credit cards she was locked down in the cellar when the husband came home poor husband a little bit pissed walks in sees a figure in the bed wearing a negligee thinks to himself is it friday night already and before you know where he is he puts the light on and he goes oh my god i [ __ ] the badger the team didn't view it as a big show they viewed it as a niche show on bbc2 and i viewed it as having the potential to be a mainstream show on bbc one welcome to a brand new series of vibrant news for you now on bbc one for the first time although we'd like to reassure our regular bbc2 viewers that the move to mainstream television will in no way affect the show's content because bbc2 was really where edgy comedy had always been a bbc one was mainstream and and you thought what are we doing on bbc one ian and paul were worried and angus because they thought they'd have to tone down the comedy and i was like no no no i want the show exactly the same as it is uh it's the war on terror in afghanistan where america's precision bombing of military targets has intensified with the use of missiles so accurate they can hit the exact center of a big red cross after the first show the audience was so good i think everybody's fears were relayed it was a hit from the start it's it's venus thursday and that can mean only one thing yes we're just half an hour away from east london angus became incredibly famous he was mr sex and so in the green room there'd be half the manchester united football team and um celebs when angus became famous and started doing adverts for berkeley card and things like that they would take the mickey out of him mercilessly um on which uh on each note we finished the christmas edition of hawaiian news but first in reading police are worried that oliver reed's drinks cabinet has flooded once again [Laughter] he was very robust he knew he knew what he was doing um he wouldn't be thrown by me saying are you still here or whatever it was i don't think anyone really disliked each other i mean i still um you know when there isn't a major pandemic sweeping the world go and have a guinness with paul afterwards uh because we always used to in the early days um and uh i mean i was very friendly with angus um and um obviously uh not anymore sadly um of course you know what happened in the end was was tragic do you think there's people here that come every week yeah i'm one of them and that fellow over there looks familiar i'm not quite sure not sure who he is but i think he's here every week at all there used to be another guy i don't know what happened to me usually when there's a bad story about to break you know you'd know that it was going to be in the daily paper the next day so i got a call the evening before um saying that there was going to be a story about angus in the papers so there we were just sort of like looking at this an absolute amazement astonishment we decided that you know it was what was happening was happening between consenting adults and this was an adult program so we would let angus continue in the role but i remember looking him and his agent in the eye and saying tell me whether there's anything else to come out and they both said there wasn't i rang angus and told him that we're gonna do the show this week and we will prepare the show and it will not involve the story the script will not have this story in it i couldn't guarantee what paul and ian would say oh there's a man having his chips trying to join the labour party probably that's um ken i think this is a thing about um party funding this has been one story of the week isn't it but the one i'm really interested in i mean we've been incredibly rude about any other celebrity caught up in anything similar and we would have to do the same with him now you in this prostitute how did you manage to to get off paying her uh she didn't tell me that she prostitute she didn't tell you the idea was he's got to be given a hard time get through that show him sort of like you know having a bit of a hard time then we can come out the other side of this and we can then carry on i don't want to dwell on this but [Applause] he made me groan all night yeah what are you doing reading the autocue you know i ripped in fairly early on in in round one but there was no way we could not do it is that it or do you want to because obviously there was another question that there's a world war breaking out in india so the the ethics committee that you were talking about angus wanted to focus on making the show even if there were photographers outside the building you know waiting to snap him coming out he was aware it wasn't going to be comfortable uh i just don't think he was he was aware of just how uncomfortable it was going to be sorry so good as i took a line of coke before i came on i felt so sorry for angus for all this eruption in his career so i i wasn't going to be jumping in on so if you look back at that i i can't think of any other episode where i said so little uh you did describe yourself as a model of new labour conformity really um oh what was i on at the time angus can sort your hair i quit while i'm down um i was amazed that anger's turned up i mean and i thought we handled it really well it's very bad really sort of brought the newspapers on imagine going to that kind of effort that you know i mean i i was as guilty of being really sort of bringing on the front cover the news of the world i mean it's really to go to all that kind of effort is just unbelievable i think for the viewers it turned out to be classic [Applause] so how many journalists are here still i noticed the two people who left earlier daily mail the guy in the mail he was sitting here oh oh no i was having to catch up of course we thought that that was it and then six months later in october um we discovered that there were more allegations coming out and this is where it becomes really difficult to do because you can't keep making the same jokes every week but then if i don't say something or ian doesn't say something the guests will say something it was a very tidy sum the onsite more than you get paid to be on this program well they pay what people are worth there was a defining moment for me anyway when christine hamilton got the best of angus when he was rude about neil hamilton and her husband she rounded on him and gave him both barrels peter string fellow piers morgan stephen fry and disgrace former tory mp neil hamilton hang on wait a minute would you mind cutting out the words grace when you refer to my i was husband furious with him you know how dare you how absolutely dare you after everything you've done how dare you use that word about my husband he's disgraced what are you exactly i think um so i haven't banged on about family values for the last seven years the very small amount of moral high ground that the show needed in order um to operate had been taken away i mean that week i rang the bbc and said we can't make the show anymore we tried to stand by him but once the show was damaged by what he had done then he had to go i actually felt very bad about that afterwards um and i wrote to angus and i expressed my regret at what had happened uh he never responded to the letter i don't know whether he whether he ever got it but i wished him well and said i'm you know i'm sorry for any part that i'm unwittingly paid i thought they might sack the whole show which would have been understandable they said okay uh what are you gonna do i've got no idea well think of something and that week i said to paul martin you always said how easy it is on the show to host this show you said a monkey could do it well actually it's your turn this week good evening and welcome to have i got news for you we'd like to apologize for the recording fault in last week's episode it should have ended like this good night [Music] among some of the producers there was a feeling that this might be the end of the show one producer was really nervous about what it was going to be like and was talking to me in makeup in such a nervous anxiety-ridden way i said look i said look can you just just get kind of sit down somewhere take a deep breath it'll be fine what was there any other freak happenings in this storm good luck he's punching people bearded ladies punching people extra point that certainly happened um [Applause] it is a different show isn't it does he know that i don't know i didn't happen under the old regime sorry no i didn't know there was a few journalists amongst the audience in the studio audience ready to write down you know have i got news for you flops end of series you know as well as me yes that's right this is next are you new at this i am yes this is the discovery of saddam hussein i have absolutely no desire to sit in the chair hey i don't think i'd do it very well um no i'm sure i wouldn't do it for her and b oh no you know of course you would no so i totally missed that your timing is so terrible i totally missed that cure i really am sorry so until next week when someone else will be sitting in this chair my money's on [ __ ] good night that's what i needed to do was i needed to demonstrate that somebody else can host this show the following week i rang up ann robinson who i knew and she was the queen of mean at the time on the weakest link and probably the most famous and one of the most famous faces on british television and she jumped at it because she's a journalist you want me to recap on the scores at this point we've got a lot of people to see so we can keep it coming for me it was fantastic because she'd been one of robert maxwell's great defenders um and here was someone who was still banging on about how this terrific crook who'd made my life uh miserable by suing me every five minutes was suddenly on the show it was great you used to get 250 grand that's true from robert maxwell wasn't it indeed i didn't still he's dead now isn't he he is indeed thank goodness that's not what you said afterwards and i suddenly thought oh i see there's another world um that could open up with people bringing their own stuff good evening good evening good evening good evening good evening welcome and welcome to have i got you have i gotten you have i got news for you for you i'm stephen mangan i'm miranda hart i'm bill bailey i used to be john pertwee we did entertain the idea of a permanent host um in fact we went down the road of kind of auditioning people along those lines good evening and welcome to have i got news for you i'm alexander armstrong and if i seem a little uncomfortable tonight it's because i'm sitting on matthew paris's column we did some run-throughs in some basement studio somewhere in soho not with ian and paul but without jimmy melville actually the head of hat trick and it was that was quite good fun actually i did enjoy that but um nerve-wracking and those disturbing evidence of how a young boris johnson got his big break in the conservative party good night there were quite a number of people being lined up and so therefore it did become a little bit competitive the australian man denied that his life is ruled by his obsession with lager though he does have four ex-wives and a foster child kirsty young was terrific there was always an element of someone quite strict um keeping the show on the road finished yeah former editor of today sorry childish do do do carry on thank you for watching the game started to see every time i'm here no we don't yes you do no no no no please no it's our version of name that word the thing about having a guest host every week is i'm sure that's added to the longevity of the show because of the five people on screen three of them weren't there the week before in conversations with the bbc obviously they did their research and they said we think the guest host thing is really working we're talking 16 million aren't we no [Music] i do no it's nowhere near as much as that i have to pay 40 tax everything oh you're kidding me there was this free saw who's going to be sitting in the chair this week are they going to be any good are they going to be funny you know what particular aspect of their personalities are they going to bring so let's find out how the teams line up captain ian his lot plays on the right if the government's on the left and on the left if the government's on the right captain paul merton like jamie vardy who started off in an amateur steel workers team paul kicked off his career with a cse in metalwork the logic would have been that guest host should be comedians this is a comedy show but what was striking was that you could put in as a guest host somebody like william hague not a comedian at all a politician and a front-line politician a very senior politician and he'd be brilliant so yes it's the it's the latest development iraq register in your brain william that booing i know you'll find it washes over him listen just because i tell jokes doesn't mean you should have political opinions i do love it when they get these very famous actors as hosts they are invariably brilliant and there's always an extra bit of spark and spice when they say something edgy did anybody read anything about other cast members in the phone hacking scandal this week rebecca wade uh the former editor who knew the world and the sun is having a baby um but uh it's through a surrogate and she's asked for privacy she's correct she's expecting a baby via a surrogate mother or as the son might have put it disgraced ginger dragon to have frankenstein there's a real factor which this show still has after decades they know they're reading someone else's lines you know if they're presenting so that's absolutely fine and yet there's the idea that they have to kind of riff or be interesting outside the framework and that i think terrifies them what have ed balls and ed miliband been in in it been been hinting at yeah what have they been hinting at don't know show push you're wearing a suit yeah i can afford it that's because you don't pay any tax you come in and you're excited it's a great opportunity but then you're gonna be alongside people who actually do comedy for real this is the triumph of the foxes leicester city they might get relegated next year that'd be funny wouldn't it what of course you don't know is what direction you're going to be led in the labour party they have sort of houses which they put themselves in and the lib debs have houses which they put their children in um and the tories have houses which they put their ducks in and they start talking about something that is on sort of the sixth little card of notes you've got in front of you you're thinking um right oh god um um so what so yes what and what did the council leader so-and-so have to say about that yes yes and it seems to go too quick and the cards i'm getting muddled and my glasses are on and off and i'm thinking and now i'm starting to having a like nervous breakdown and then paul's suddenly gone off on some fantastic sort of you know some his synapses just gone like they do how would you advise having sex with mike tyson if you go in understanding full well it may not go the way you plan yeah and you've got to try and bring it back uh what has anne whitaker and so this is basically the job what does anwoodicum offered to do if it would help and it's not to do with mike tusk when you get that first laugh the first laugh it's like that's all right and following the arrest of several senior officials fifa bringing a new face to help eradicate the culture of greed well there was an amazing surprise which i guess was bruce forsyth [Music] there we are thank you oh thank you so much whoa thank you they can't all be wrong can they good evening yes the papers weren't lying it is me but don't worry there'll be no gimmicks no catchphrases so welcome to have i got news for you for you have i got he was actually quite nervous just before going on just backstage he was a bit nervous he surprised me but he said he said i don't know what they're going to be like i don't know whether they're going to like me or not i don't know what sort of audience is um but that was really good to see because it showed he was he was caring he was really wanting this to work and as soon as he walked out through the glittery curtains and the audience erupted it's definitely time for [Music] it is that feeling of witnessing something i have to say the iraqi play your cards right um about the rewards being offered on various iraqi war criminals she just thought well that's utterly bonkers now these are the cards that the americans please this is satire that's about as bad taste as anything that has ever been on television and it was bruce forsyth doing it thank you bruce it's the king of clubs rcc vice chairman is at ibram now then it's a high card so think about if the audience will help you do you think it's higher or lower [Applause] i'm not sure this program can go much lower i remember watching that thinking this is fantastic television because it was like a planetary collision but hugely entertaining and there was a lot of love in it as well tony black insists that weapons of mass destruction will eventually be found in iraq well it would be nice to see them to see them the bruce forsyth show i think is paul's favorite show and part of that is because he thinks i i hated it and had no idea what was going on i've been waiting 14 years for the show to be like this i'm having the time of my life it's undoubtedly partly because he was on have i got news for you that we ended up casting him as the host of strictly come dancing a new first for television invisible tap dancing i think one of the big things we can say about the show is that it's one of the few comedy programs if not the only comedy program who has really delivered as a prime minister and with paul merton tonight is a daily telegraph journalist who last year took a month off to spend some time on his own he stood as a conservative candidate in wales boris johnson i remember ringing ian to say oh we've got this journalist who seems pretty funny boris johnson doing it and ian said ah the jackal okay what and so ian told us about this phone call that boris had been involved in which i must admit i didn't know about the conversation was along the lines of darius um or darius i never went to school with anybody called that the conversation about whether boris could get a journalist beaten up for some story that mr guppy didn't like we constructed an ob one out about taped phone conversations to give ian the opportunity to just bring up the subject i'm surprised you gave me this one well boris was caught on tape as well ha ha richard comic yes that's what i said sorry what was that i said written a good point yes he said hahaha richly comic which it jolly well was what were you recorded saying i t honestly i don't remember i do boris was on tape talking to darius guppy his very great man i didn't want to be totally stitched up here i have what you want and what you don't want i'm way out of my depth here i've been totally stitched up i want it on the record i've walked straight into a massive elephant trap i should have spotted boris was completely furious he was always cross he always thought um that uh i in particular uh was out to get him um which is fair enough no no no no no no no no no no stop giving him a nudge while you're here i have to say sort of very early on from when we were trying to book guest hosts boris was kind of the one i really wanted to do it yeah hello hello good evening and welcome to have i got news for you in the news this week undiscovered footage from william hague's school days supports his claims that he used to drink 14 pints a night i think the narrative that um have i got news for you mate boris is just a total misreading of what happened the joke about boris was this man can't even run a panel show he literally couldn't get the cards in order he had no idea who anything was or who anyone was he was a joke paul paul i wanted battle brush i'm not sure i'm not sure we haven't got him he was so funny i think he was actually fanning on it than i was absolutely right give that man give that money he said there is a smart a coconut or whatever the price of games have several points i've changed mine boris i will have a coke we'll have to get the catering i bet i end up with less coconuts you know boris hasn't really changed his act since he was presenting have i got news for you to be fair whether or not we can supply coconut or not i don't know but i couldn't exactly you're offering coconuts you have more you know there's no facility you're seeing something you can't deliver which is what you accuse the labour party you look at these broadcasts that he does with the two team captains either side of exactly the same thing on the virus boris was a star he wasn't a particularly well-known politician but he was a personality he was a character from the the party that keeps its promises there's a lot about boris which makes him a really good comedy entertainer that is the job he should have been employed to do they are boris johnson forever i've got news for you people are surprised when i tell them one year he was nominated for a bafta for best performers in an entertainment program and you could see he was very keen to win the award jonathan ross for friday night when boris became prime minister i think there was sort of like some journalistic outlets that would desperately trying to turn us into the story of how i got news for you is made boris johnson prime minister if you look at the history of the show nearly everybody who's been on more times than boris became prime minister ken livingston yeah charles kennedy yeah absolutely if you're gonna blame someone you can blame the voters which i do um or you can blame the system i mean i didn't vote boris in i thought he was absolutely unsuitable and unfit for any office the whole of london europe's biggest electorate votes boris in twice so don't blame us the broadcast can finish of an episode and about the very same episode one bunch of people will scream typical right-wing establishment crap the other side will say typical bbc lefty nonsense yeah and the government essentially has done a u-turn on a number of things which the public don't agree with you know and that's not government as you know alistair million people marched by saying we don't want the war you don't listen to them you know what tommy robinson does for a living i used to run a tanning shop exactly right yes changing the color of people's skin yeah [Applause] so your customer comes in come in madam next afternoon like you can get out it's the very fact that this show can still trouble and infuriate such a wide range of people that makes it great well some of the other things you've said about him is he is a turbo weirdo correct a weaponized lentil an extraordinary half resuscitated date it is quite blokey i think we can be perfectly honest about this it is quite blokey um or at least it was when i started i bet chris evans is ringing him even now go on jeremy punch him i mean the whole thing is ruthless it's the roman arena with mangled corpses in all directions what i actually said was that uh women who are self-destructive in particular those women whose self-image is so low that they cannot appear in public without their hair birds nested all over the place three inches of exposed cleavage and [ __ ] me shoes i didn't actually name anybody this was in a piece about suzanne moore though wasn't it why would shoes want to be [ __ ] anyway the thing you have to do is you have to step up to the plate you can't just sit there and simper what sort of shoes are you wearing jermaine uh don't [ __ ] me leave me alone chooser i'll kick you in the face shoes i thought it was frightening and i was scared that i wouldn't be able to think of funny things to say but i really felt it was important because there were so few women to actually go on and and kind of you know suffer it if you like that's um terry hogan paying share an awful lot of money 20 grand a pound for every year of her life to come on his show you know she she got 20 grand right i got 800. she got a new bum and i went down quick fit and have one of my blackheads squeezed i remember being on the show with joe brand probably she was hosting and i was a guest and she made a joke about eating a strawberry ice cream that was so filthy i was literally helpless a group of finnish lawyers has suggested new eu sexual harassment laws should cover women eating ice creams provocatively in front of male colleagues i wouldn't do that i always make sure i'm alone before i open my mivie [Laughter] they're good hosts and then they're just crazy hosts who are just you know the brian blessed i mean i i i can't even remember when the camera was turned on and it didn't matter he's the same doesn't he yes you know from the moment he comes in the room to when he attacks he goes again uh good evening and welcome to have i got news for you i am brian blessart i think the original motivation may have been because i think we were at the time when gordon brown was either uh chancellor or briefly prime minister they just wanted brian blessed to shout gordon's alive i think that was it now in the news this week the polls continue to slide for gordon brown and some people are saying he's dead and buried but i think the opposite i say gordon's alive [Applause] when someone like him is hosting it you kind of just have to lash yourself to the mast and get through it because it's not going to nuance isn't going to necessarily creep into it so you have to sort of kind of get in where you can i guess you are the only gay tory aren't you actually there are you gay ryan you'd never guess you were an actor [Applause] they're very few people in my life um that i've been able to impress my sister with and you know i just bring up and say oh you know i've met nelson mandela and she oh yeah um but i finally got to ring her up and say you have no idea who i'm having dinner with and she's a yeah and i said william shatner and that was it um finally a win william shatner was on the show william shatner hosted have i got news for you i mean that's extraordinary isn't it good evening to you and welcome to if i got news for you [Applause] i'm not sure he really understood what the show was he didn't know who any of the public figures who were doing jokes about where he didn't know that ilf raccoon was a town this is the olympic torch which is boldly going where no olympic torch has gone before namely yes i agree with you namely truro and ilfracoom [Music] sounds deeply sexual i look like a cigar have you been to africa i have the place is laced with prostitution [Applause] we got about a third of the way into the show and then it the kind of madness of it started to take over [Applause] god save the queen francis regime they made you a [ __ ] potential he kept looking at me and he would wink at me quite a few times he winked at me which was slightly unsettling in a way oh no no no no no no no i'm a rocket man [Applause] by this they have to reinvent the wheel each week don't they that's why the writers are so good because those writers have to write jokes that are going to be said by completely different people every week [Music] and outside westminster planning department there are suspicions that developers are attempting to bribe john prescott the website went on to say it's traditional for a couple of thripping bits to go into the pudding although if you're not keen on that get cooked to wear an apron [Laughter] time now for the missing words round which this week features as its guest publication the powerful owl newsletter which obviously they've got because of my association with owls i once killed an hour over the shovel no there's some various elements to make up the show you've got the news itself you have the guests you have me and ian and you have the person who's hosting it when the news is really good when i mean by good i don't mean necessarily uplifting i mean richly comic and full of potential you know it can really take off then ah the start of the great north run uh london to durham and there's the eye test ah mr cummings can you see why everyone's so angry with you and think you should resign you complete and utter fraud [Laughter] dominic cummings visit to the castle it happened at the end of our last series which was uh filmed in lockdown so each one of us was in our own individual uh cells that was a very strong show ian was particularly exhilarated to be talking about it on on british television he gave the impression in pieces in the spectator and got his wife to work pieces suggesting he was in london which he wasn't um this man has become the center of the story and i just i cannot understand why he hasn't resigned [Laughter] paul maverick genius thank you very much it's very kind of you [Laughter] i didn't realize i'd be getting an award this evening but i'd just like to say that an award isn't just for me it's for everybody for those people behind the scenes i was furious you know for personal reasons because of care homes and obeying the rules then and like lots of people you know been unable to say goodbye to loved ones and all that stuff mark said well had coronavirus boris had it ma hancock had it in fact the whole government had it and you know why that is janet because the virus targets low-skilled workers um the world even at its blackest is quite a comic place um and it's almost never true that there is nothing funny or nothing certainly bleakly comic um about what's going on oscar pistorius has been sent to a prison in pretoria where gang rape and violence arrive you have to be particularly careful in the showers because oscar pistorius might shoot you through the door the more difficult it gets to make edgy jokes the more people scream and roar and say you shouldn't make it the more it's a sort of moral imperative to keep doing it i was just going to say that also by funding islamic fundamentalism it pays off the guilt the saudis feel for their lives of luxury a bit like jimmy savile's charity work oh come on grow up the fact that they're still there they're still entertaining you and they're still sort of in the midst of this this extraordinary chaotic world which we now inhabit so we need shows like have i got news for you doctors injected trump with a potentially lethal cocktail of experimental and untested drugs but somehow he'd pull through who do you think's gonna get it next um in the u.s sort of presidential world oh i see not mrs watkins at number 23 who's yeah to trump oh putin [Laughter] i'm looking back over 500 shows and goodness knows how many guests it's pretty extraordinary i can't quite get my head around it did ian say nice things about me when you interviewed him he didn't did he he didn't do anything my feeling's on paul oh right yes paul merton yes he's still on it isn't he paul could you ever find it in your heart to put your bitter rivalry to one side and form a coalition with ian yeah all right go on there if you switched on and ian or paul wasn't there it's like the ravens leaving the tower of london i mean it would spook people it's almost a matter of national duty that they would be there where people expect to see them i've got a feeling you're going to win this week [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: ViVaHD

Views: 176,426

Keywords: Have I Got 30 Years for You, Have I Got News for You

Id: _TXlLWOAZkU

Length: 57min 58sec (3478 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 24 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/KlintonBaptiste]

I forgot about the iraqi play your cards right

[u/fancypepper]

Thanks for posting!

[u/magicfinbow]

When they put a tub of lard on the show instead of Roy hattesrsley, that's peak HIGNFY

[u/likethefish33]

God damn I love this show! I always wondered why they got rid of Angus (obviously knew it was the scandals!), he was top tier host, but until it was explained about the moral high ground, I hadn’t thought about it in that way.

[u/[deleted]]

Off to binge, great post!

[u/godca_grema]

It's very safe these days, it used to be great.

[u/helterskeltermelter]

That was good that. I'm surprised they didn't mention the series where Paul Merton quit when Channel 4 gave him a sketch show. It would be interesting to hear their thoughts about that in retrospect.

[u/squopmobile]

I watched this and ended up spending another 4 hours watching highlight reels. Reminded me how much I love it, thanks

[u/Starman68]

There is a Norwegian version and it’s mainly stories about fish.

Odd fish out.

What did this fish say.

It’s pretty good.