Hasidic Women Ask: Wigs & Ritual Bath--What's In It For Me?

I think the moral of the story is that if you neglect a subject every day that goes by it becomes harder and harder to catch up mother says that concerning learning pleasure 'i'm t'as voulu yelling if you neglect it for one day yaimai am toss beca it will elude you for two days no it just gets worse so now there's so much catch-up to do that it's it's a huge task and that's why no one answer is going to solve the problem because there's so much background information missing so every day that we let go by it'll just get worse and worse so it's not an easy you know like one-liner answer but there's so much wisdom there would be a crime to to not share it and to not have people appreciate it and so on so there is the hook'em of Taylor I don't mean the individual hooking but the hook inside of Taylor that if it's Taylor it's MS and if it's MS you do not you're not allowed to ask there's no need to ask if this is Emma's what what do you want but then there's also the huffman of time which is just as valid just as important just as holy so it seems like today people are more motivated by the hakama of then by the MS which is fine that's why I tell you that has both but it is a little a little uncomfortable when people say if I don't understand that I don't do it because first of all it's not honest most of the things you do you have no idea what you're doing and you don't you don't stop and demand explanations you go you get onto an elevator you go up you go down how does it work why does it work what you don't care so to say I don't do things I don't understand yes you do all the time like for example you got married you have no idea what you're doing or why you're doing it so they said that that should not be encouraged so that's why no matter how good the Deborah's explanation on the subject was he would first say just because you don't understand doesn't mean you're free not to do it because that gives you a little bit of a humility and a little bit of a grounding in reality so if you're not a big philosopher philosophy is not gonna work for you and most people are not big philosophers so realistically you can't live your life waiting for explanations okay now what is the explanation so the first thing most fundamental you're talking about a woman covering her hair going to a mikvah the intimacy between husband and wife but the first basic fundamental question would be the cloths kasha what's a woman that's it we really don't know we already stopped what's a woman what does it mean to be a woman don't ask people today on the street they are so confused that they've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing there's not such thing as a woman it's just a feeling it's an opinion you see I mean that's how horrible the conditions have become what a man but everybody comes quick why does a man do this and a woman does that you know what a man is no you know what a woman it's nothing so what's your question if you heard this I said something about tradition being doing what your grandfather did what his grandfather did that's called tradition and this reformed rabbi he said why do you ignore half the population what did you say grandfather why don't you say grandmother so I said you know you're so behind the times my grandfather was a woman how dare you assume just because that's how disturbed and he had no answer it was a Baptist right I made a mistake so the the only place that you're gonna get any wisdom on the subject is in the title it's no place else is no competition what is it they are saying failure says that a man is a mafia and a woman is on the cover that is an indispensable little piece of information what so much beyond what is it McCulloch Davis that created the world in a system of light and vessel the light gives existence the vessel forms the existence when light doesn't match the vessel you have chaos about the structure sure as heck Amy what was really too much light not enough vessel which means the light did not fit the vessel so there was destruction in the six days of creation what really happened was the things that existed started to work in an orderly fashion because where does it say that the a burst has said there should be an earth no place where does it say an image that said there should be water doesn't say it says bodacious there was earth that was covered with water and it was dark and chaotic so everything already existed on the first day of creation but it was I miss that when the a burst has said he a he was starting to organize and make everything work how does it work if the light fits the king if the light fits the vessel then the vessel becomes stronger and it gives the light more direction and purpose and everything works and that's called olam hatiku that's an orderly world in every marriage you're bringing together a light and a vessel and if they work together you're creating a world and if they don't work together you're destroying destroying each other so what is the nature of our Marshall yet and what is the nature of a macabre over KT you know any of this occurred the tapes online Oh a mafia is a giver Kaleigh is a receiver so between husband and wife in a marriage there's a giving and there's are receiving not a giving and a taking because taking this violence taking his abuse there's no taking you don't take a person you either give where you receive a giver is the Mafia the receiver is the macabre so let's use a muscle of a teacher and a student the teacher is the giver the student is the receiver who is more important the teacher of the student that's a technical truth but who's more important we pay teachers to teach the student so who's more important the speaker who gets all the comic the teacher so a teacher is a giver or mafia and a student is the macabre so there are a few rules to being a teacher we're talking about the ideal the ideal teacher is somebody whose life is devoted to teaching it's not as 9:00 to 5:00 then he's just a guy with a job a real Giver a real teacher is a person whose entire life is devoted to teaching what motivates him why does he want to teach because he feels the desperation of the student and it bothers him so he dedicates himself to fulfilling that need and for satisfying that hunger which obviously means he knows what the student needs to hear so a guy has a job he's a professor he comes into the hall he delivers his speech on the subject that nobody is interested in he doesn't care he gets paid at the end of the week anyway that's not that's not a teacher it's not a giver it's nothing it's a user he's using people to make a living [Music] it goes so far if you want to use an example a wife complained that her husband ignores her never listens to her and she's not important to him painful you talked to the husband the husband says the lady's crazy I am the best husband you could possibly have last week she asked me to bring home a flower for the dining room table I brought home a dozen she wanted to go for a weekend take a break from a vacation I booked the three-week cruise on and on and on like that he said hi don't listen I'm not a good husband and she turns to me he says see she asks for a rose he brings a dozen you would think she would be thrilled she's not she's miserable because he doesn't give to her he gives what he wants to give it's insulting it's painful it's almost like he says I mean without having to put it into words a flower one flower what are you crazy one flowers stupid thousand and now he thinks he's a wonderful husband he gave her a dozen flowers so he thinks he's a giver he's not he's an abuser so a real giver knows what is needed feels the lead and fulfills a trader says that when other Mahavir were sent out of GaN Eden Java was cursed that she will yearn for her husband that yearning is what a real giver feels and he responds to that journey so what's more important the student or the teacher the only reason that teacher exists is because he feels the students on earth if there was no hunger that be no citizen doesn't as a giver in other words without the hunger you won't have a teacher walking around looking for someone to teach because if nobody needs then there is no response to that need so there is no teacher so without men there would be women very frustrated women but without women they've been oh man so tell me if it's not making sense we want to accomplish something yes I have a wife she told me Adam came first and they burst I said what wife it's an excellent question and you can ask it about everything if white and light come before trees and they're no trees ready these lights okay so you see that the whole creation is backwards from the less important to the more important right and the morale of it was the a broish that is creating the whole world ready for you to do what you need to do and that includes men takes 20 years American yeah don't take 20 years to get married it's 20 years to grow up whether you're married or not so why did why did Adam name her cover yeah where's cover me aim Cole hi and he of course is of Cole 5 no he's from the abdomen come on is this fair he names her the mother of every life and he is from the Adama pretty humble guy but it's so true without her he's not a man she is his life so it's not like there's a man and he is the the masculine source of life and then there's a woman as she's the feminine source of life no she is the source of all life including him which is very interesting little fact in nature women give birth to hollows how weird is that the boys you would think you should be divided women should give birth to girls made you give birth to boys then we would have true equality yeah so men are not reliable so physical I'm stinking like this is true because in in and in that into heavenly worlds the Kaylie is more physical than the earth and that's why it gives the age it gives the light a shape character and makes it productive otherwise it were just so to be a mush beer let's get this straight the VMS via means you are sensitive to the needs of the macabre and this is so real I mean you know if you're a teacher you know this you walk into a classroom and none of the kids want to hear what you have to say it destroys you you become dumb you can't think straight you can't put together a sentence but imagine a classroom where ten out of the 30 students really want to know and they ask you a serious question they want to understand well there's a sudden you're brilliant it's true your answers your understanding your brilliance comes from the hunger that's what a real teacher is so you can tell students you're bored in class it's your fault it's your fault teacher is stupid you don't it's your fault you walk into the classroom and really want to understand your teacher is suddenly going to be brilliant so the student makes the teacher because a real Giver is inspired by a woman students so that everyone said to the doctor that Simpson had a neighbor's to create the world he left an empty space and into that empty space he created the world they never said what's an empty space an empty space is a vacuum it's not a nothing when there's a space that is empty it becomes a vacuum it draws the light it becomes irresistible so now we have a definition for what a woman is what's a woman irresistible what does a woman do nothing you don't have to do anything to be a woman yeah you don't have to do anything for that very important to remind everybody advertise anything with us for everything we've said that a woman is over the variation that's in state of long B's so that's different from irresistible longing is something that she's doing this for the post - yeah her longing her hunger for her husband is irresistible to the husband he's irresistible to her to be yearned for is irresistible like in the only know the classic a damsel in distress what's a damsel a dazzling woman that is like the ultimate what what motivates a man a woman in distress but in the Glacial world a woman in distress means the Dragon has her captive in the cellar aware of the pathos of something they don't have to go there a woman is in distress by her very nature and that is irresistible to a man irresistible because if no one was in distress everyone would be a woman let there be no men a man is a reaction to that distress so the meddler says it interestingly the mentor says hava was punished cursed that she's gonna yearn for her husband what is the curse what's wrong with yearning for another if you yearn for a husband you're the desperate one you got to go find out what her husband so the message says yeah but look what happened women don't go looking for husbands men found out that women yearn for a husband so every man runs looking for a woman said sounds like a joke good joke but the method she sees what the image that did by making a woman yearn for her husband he made husbands desperate for a wife what it's a resistor so it turns out men are the aggressors they go looking for a wife they marry they give the ring they take a wife so they've got all the attention ya can't be without so on the surface it looks like they're doing everything guy wakes up say okay I need a wife he goes out he finds a wife he marries her builds a house yeah he's doing everything she nothing the whole dance between men and women starts with the woman but the women don't say anything don't do anything they just sit there being irresistible and laugh all the way to the bank and they tell the men that they're so important there are men who are sensitive to a woman's need but they don't have the courage or the confidence that that they can satisfy that that's not a healthy Giver there are men who are very confident I can take care of anything I can provide everything but I don't really want to solve your own problems in your longer so to be a real man you have to have these two qualities number one you have to be really sensitive what does she want or need and number two if that's what she needs get it provided make it happen so that's the opposite of a dictator a guy who thinks he's the boss in the house and he can dictate means he's not a different they take a quick story if you're not not hurry a couple came to see me in Minnesota from another city they were having a serious problem because she went out of town she came back and she saw evidence that there had been a woman in the bedroom she confronted him he said nothing nothing happened she's devastated so they came he came to talk to make a long story short she kept saying I forgive him I really do I forgive him but now I'm so insecure I can't trust him so what happened - happened fine I forgive him well but what else could happen that's that was her her problem so I turn to it to the husband I said did you hear what your wife just said he says yeah she's angry you didn't hear anything did you hear how many times she said I forgive you why is she saying that you you hear that she's angry she keeps saying I forgive you that wasn't I said if I if I work objective if I were I didn't even know that you had a problem in your marriage I'm just listening to her and she said I forgive him but I'm so insecure about what's gonna happen this I'll tell you what I'm hearing she sounds like an ugly duckling you know the story with the ugly duckling a baby Swan that's separated from his family ended up among the Ducks doesn't look like a duck so you felt really inferior that he was an ugly duck when in fact he was a beautiful swan so that that's the classical story of the ugly duckling I said she sounds like an ugly daughter she forgives you because she knows it's her fault but she can't stand the uncertainty which is not your fault it's her problem she doesn't think she deserves any better other words why she's forgiven you you didn't even ask for forgiveness I was saying this to the husband the wife went hysterical and way we overreacted she calms down finally and she says to him I'm so sorry she says I'm so sorry I'm that Jewish I'm not Jewish they married nine years and we were both pretty shocked what do you say you come from a wonderful Jewish family everybody knows your family say I'm adopted ugly duckling so now the whole subject changed excuse me your parents are very thrown people if they adopted you they comforted you she says yeah but a convert is not a real Jew anyway aside from I turn to the husband I say you've been living with her for nine years you never suspected anything she's living with such tension she's living with such agony keeping the secret you never notice that that that's not a husband that's not a giver that's not a mestia if he were a real must be a real Giver he would be running around asking everyone in town my wife is suffering I don't know what she's suffering from I'm good to her what is it so I don't expect them to figure it out but you expect them to know there's a problem anyway Amash beer is sensitive that's number one and number two he has the confidence that he can so far we're talking about one way so that's what a what a mush bas amicable on Maccabi it's like a student what is the nature of a student or the talent of a student the talent of being a student is your capacity to receive to receive means to be completely passive I mean it's a little too late now but if you remember when you were in school when you're sitting and learning and listening to a teacher if you're really my couple there is absolutely nothing going on in your head because any activity in your head means you're distracted to absorb to receive to soak up what you're hearing means you're doing nothing else most people are pretty shocked when they hear this if you're sitting in class and your teacher says something you say wow that's so smart you're not you're not a student you're a critic you're an editor you're a censor because if you can react by saying wow that was there are other things you're gonna hear you gonna say so if you're filtering what you're hearing oh I heard that already ooh that's new I never heard that before you're not listening you're not a student you're not on the console and if you were lucky enough to have had this experience even once in your school years where you just sat there because the teacher was mesmerizing and you didn't care what the teacher said as long as they keep teaching because you're just soaking it up it's an amazing experience so at a real Makabe has the ability the capacity to be totally passive to be completely surrendered I says I'm saying danke Schoen may I have the heart speak all I'm gonna do is listen it is harder to be a student than to be a teacher aside from the fact that the student makes the teacher stimulates that when a man and a woman get married the dynamic ideally the perfect picture a man is sitting with a woman and he finds himself feeling really comfortable not with her with himself he feels natural he feels confident he feels at peace because this is a woman that he could take care of for the rest of his life this is called good chemistry she somehow makes him feel comfortable with himself as a man and she hasn't done anything yet she is sitting there and she is surprised at how comfortable she feels being a woman with this guy she's a woman she doesn't have to prove anything she doesn't have to say anything she doesn't have she is just so comfortable and she's feeling I would follow him wherever he wants to go and support him and whatever he wants that's a much fear so if a woman calls me up and says I'm going out with this guy he is so fantastic he's so great I want to take care of him for the rest of my life oh forget it man he wants a wife not a husband and if he calls up and says and I'm going with your girlfriend making the decision of getting married this should be the main question if you're talking to a girl the question is can you surrender and trust him and just go wherever he wants to go without any concern without any defensive nacelle if he agrees to forget about it forget it this is not a sure if the woman feel that she needs to make certain conditions that a husband he is not a husband to you you want to make a deal not work out want to work out a compromise already you're not even married yet so if a guy says she's so fantastic I'll follow her anywhere she wants to get married not adopt a puppy [Music] so when it comes to intimacy this is where the must be an amicable are most obvious it has to be much fear and she has to be able to simply lose herself dissolve into the relationship without a word without a concern without a without a need to protect herself and if she can't do that she is so frustrated because he's not letting her be a woman and if a woman can't be a woman nothing else is gonna work this is devastation so there's a book that has become very very popular call the surrendered wife you heard about it it's amazing that it took five thousand years and the world finally figured this out better late than never but it's so popular here attended Wow Wow that's that's what we've been looking for so I don't know if everything she says is a hundred percent but the main principle that a woman wants to be surrendered she doesn't want to have to check and see if he's safe so if she doesn't have that absolute security that allows her to just dissolve into the intimacy it frustrates everything it's like you know in the extreme example where you have to walk on eggshells all the time because you never know how he's gonna react or what he's gonna do or if he's gonna come home so all the advice that people have been hearing that people have been giving for years and years and years marriage is about compromises you have to compromise if that were true stop getting married it's not worth it marriage involves sacrifice guilty and you expect people to want to get married it's terrible and then I hate to say this but call it teachers and hustle teachers and shakkoumon with with their advice that is just so unnatural you're going out with this guy try to be a little more extroverted make a few jokes want to trick them into math that is so wrong on the contrary just be yourself don't even dress up go as you are oh he's not gonna like me so who is he he's a total stranger why are you trying to impress him because if he won't marry you nobody will kind of desperation is that some some advisors say that for the wedding night you should be wearing a certain kind of lingerie it's like insanity the way you are is not good you have to dress up you have to this is so disturbing and so please so what does it mean to surrender to your husband the first thing is it means that you trust him completely because if you don't trust you don't surrender you can't you have to protect yourself so if there's even the slightest insecurity that's it finish it's just a long slow torture year after year so in the olden days getting married was so holy it was so awesome that if a man married you this was for ever and ever and ever and you could relax it's done you're married you're home you can you can do this with your eyes closed why Mac you're married today people don't take marriage that seriously so the security would have to come not from the holiness of marriage but from the husband so in the mind meant that the husband says at the hasanah it talks about must be in macabre no surprise there and one of the things that it says is that the Mafia has to give the macabre kuia to be macabre because it's too scary it's more difficult to be a student than to be a teacher because the student is more vulnerable if it fails the student will be much more devastated than the teacher more the teacher will be devastated otherwise it's not a teacher so if he teaches for a year and then finds out that his students didn't believe him didn't didn't hear him didn't he would be devastated it's not a job to him it's his life somebody told the rebel shops the city that they have to give him feedback they have to tell him that they understood the minor and that they enjoyed the mindmap and that it will help the brush shops health if he would hear from you because this is his whole life but when the student is devastated surrendered to the teacher completely trusted him completely and just absorbed everything he said and then it turns out he was lying but he was innocence there or he was giving bad information the devastation would be horrendous so it's harder to be the macabre because it demands a much greater vulnerability but the pleasure when it is good is also infinitely greater for the woman than to the man if it's very powerful one way it's also powerful the other way taking care of but you feel just you could just and the feeling that you can be yourself there's there's nothing nothing greater than that for a man it's very hard because a man is always trying to become he's never quite comfortable so first of all if a woman goes to work that means she's becoming masculine that's the same go into work doesn't make you masculine because work is not masculine which is a a scary thing for men to think about me man goes to work and he has a great career and a great profession does that make him a man no has nothing to do with man or woman it's just a job so it doesn't make him more of a man so if a woman goes to work it's not gonna make her into a man no it doesn't even make him into a man oh so the woman has to have a job in case the husband quits on her that that's what's happening in the world yeah you can't rely on your husband he's gonna disappear what a life that is it's just a need so in the old days men would sit and learn all day and the women would work so what made them masculine it doesn't work for men yeah that's where the worst thing you can say to her husband what is the worst thing you were sentence never mind I did it myself you can't imagine how devastated that is to us well you're single that's encouraged because like you don't be needy is not needy being feminine and being the wrist the receiver is not needy whoa-oh vacuum is what makes the world go round it's not needy okay so let's get after to make the business in in the intimacy of modern times and tragically even in film families even in families that don't speak English this this unholy attitude has crept in to to every bedroom what's happening is that instead of being intimate husband and wife enjoy doing things together doing things he's not a mafia and she is not a macabre they're two kids played he has no sense of giving she has no sense of receiving it reduces both of them to animals part of it is because of this mishegoss with equality that women want exactly the same thing men want which means the man can to give her she has to give them just as much and he has to receive from her just so marriage is a 50-50 partnership you know what that means that he is a half man and she's a half woman it's totally insane it's vulgar and its destructive there's no much fear there's no macabre or worse it turns around he becomes them a couple she has to be the mushroom know how frustrating that is for both of them is indescribable and they don't even know what's wrong they're both being nice what's wrong and they're living in hell they've tortured souls the husband I mean the olden days opens the door for his wife the feminists come and say I think I can't open up door get out of the way open my own door nobody ever thought that you can't open a door nobody thinks you can't open a jar or a can okay you can't parallel park all right there's certain things but nobody thinks you're incapable a man feels wonderful when he can do something for his wife not because she can't we've taken that away a man comes and he says problem in our marriage look I do whatever I'm supposed to do but she doesn't do her part so talk to her uh-huh I don't need any help she that's not a much be in the Mafia means whatever is going on it's my responsibility there's no such thing I did my part everything is your part you're the must be a so if she is not macabre well duh get her to be macabre it's like this frustrating thing where you send your kid to a yeshiva and they sent the kid back and say he's not a learner what do you think I'm paying you for what do you mean he's not a learner you're a yeshiva get him to learn that's not our job what is your job all right so as long as we're off the topic anyway how do you get a kid to learn mmm what does that mean where does that mean meaning figure out what he needs to know and he'll love you reveal the need yes yes what is that rocket science you can't figure out how to teach it but you know a little bit of an excuse he can give the teachers they're hired to do a job you got to cover this much material a material with what what do you want yeah who asked for this who cares anyway so in the intimacy there's a huge huge difference between what is truly intimate true meaning natural intimacy and what has become this this fabricated Hollywood production called sex so the first time this Cynthia young your mom calls me and says our marriage is good in every other area but the sex is not so good I've never heard that word used by it by Alabama true in fact the whole mikvah all the mikveh programs and rabbi how the club never allowed the use of that word can't use that word and people thought he was in a little old-fashioned a little uptight you know you want to tell people about Mickey you got a fella me there for two weeks you're not allowed to what what use the word people although what you're saying it turns out that he was very right that word has nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom it's the wrong word so when this guy said everything's good except to sex I said you're having sex with your own wife you're disgusting intimacy is not about sex intimacy is about us not about something we do that's so vulgar and so impersonal so when you say that for two weeks out of the month you're separated from what from what we're separated from each other so that during the two weeks that we are together we have each other not good sex that's not only goyish it's not true for going either so what is intimacy intimacy means I can surrender completely and just be you that way we become one not we do something together that doesn't make you one so the tailor says a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife what for to become one because my SPEA without Makabe is not good and the Kabul without mafia is too painful together you become one whole being that's why two men can't be married they can have sex they can't be married because they don't become one one means when you give completely and out and you are received completely you can't tell where the mush fear begins and ends or where the Makabe begins and ends they literally become and then you are bonded like like Siamese twins what is me when a woman is not in the best Makabe mood there can be no oneness that's myth when the body is giving out instead of taking in then you have too much being it's going to create chaos so people are the secular you the anti-semites it's all put down with women it's a put-down of women that there cannot be anything to this way unless the woman is perfectly ready that's a put-down with that the woman's body dictates the entire relationship that's a put-down of women so what does the mikveh same mikvah basically says if you're only a mushiya you would want to be must be earth when the Makabe is my continent most like when you're a mother and you want to teach your child to be a mensch so when do you teach him to be a mensch when he's having a tantrum who are you talking to nobody's listening hello what you're saying is brilliant but who you say he get to the kid is tuned you out he's not with Kabul stop trying to be much beer when there's no Mikado that's what mix is when the woman is not Makabe you can't be much now what is a shape what-whatever did the effect of the liquid is the purpose of separation coming back together you said that she's not ready we have a couple so that's the biggest compliment to the woman that you let her you know get ready and not be forced upon but so but some women like don't understand that like two whole weeks versus these submit those who can lead you to feel that she personally is ready you know he's like man she to like because we like the touch it's like the doctor prescribed an antibiotic for seven days after three days you feel better that's it I don't need it anymore you don't know you're not a doctor right you do need it until it accomplishes what it's really supposed to accomplish there are Chinese doctors traditional Chinese doctors who say that when a woman is having her period they should not be intimate why the yin and the yang are not working the mummies are saying the same thing you can't receive and put in and take it take in and put out at the same time it's too confusing so the question is who's the expert on this because as far as we're concerned we have no idea of any of this so what is a shape the hair okay so when I think that seemed to make sense to me life right life that's what any situation which is the same dormant because she has a potential life which is been lost and therefore you know so I don't know that explanation make no sense in terms of progress wait a week it's not even that knuckle and the situation of terror it's really the same thing when a woman is being mafia it stomach deadly it's one place you can't be intuitive in solitary oh no no you have to be intuitive some of those people need to be both in different relationship in different relationships the mother obviously is Amish via to her children the husband is amicable is it evident but with each other the more he is my fear the more she is my couple the food is not masculine that's not feminine it's just a job in fact the husband and wife should both not make food they should water out and it won't harm the marriage at all actually nurturing is another word from acabo nurturing is not giving you could make sense nurturing doesn't put anything on they were so busy and work and school earn likes and then you're like just receiving now I'm just saying how somebody could ascend I know what you're saying I've become that the woman may want the woman think busy making since she's when she's wandering in the home she's the one generally expected something around the house and like raise the kids meanwhile husband's like husband news especially the most yeah so I also like the woman's expected to go to work like also and run the house you know they're not supposed to work but she has all those other jobs just like I'm saying how does that make I need an explanation of what it really means to be a much beyond of it come on site I think it's blurred between everybody no I'm saying probably like the general I feel the general things [Music] you make the money and you rely on the hand dispenses know when you make the money that's completely off the topic who does the budget though who keeps the checkbook it's not mail it's not female it's not the couple it's not my fear it's just I'm doing the ideal the ideal home the perfect home the wife does not cook and she does not wash dishes and she does not do one responsible for cashiers means that when they cook who's not Jewish comes in to your kitchens you light the fireman you're not the cook ideally no woman should ever have to do laundry dishes mop II hate somebody to do it who says you acted so what does a woman do the food that was already cooked by your maid you bring it to your husband because that's good tonight you're nurturing nurturing is not what you do so all this yeah well I do more than you do neither of you should do it pay somebody get a cook get it then a butler there's nothing feminine about washing dishes yes but the best thing is neither if you do it pay somebody that would be really ideal like for example there's no better more powerful more incredible marriage and then at the end there Evanson who cooked who wash dishes yeah but some say well that's only for royalty okay so let's open your royal talk a bit starting with the hair is that everybody has energy there's neutral energy like simply the ability to run a mile and then there's masculine energy and this feminine energy by Nature we give off we transmit our energy there are people who could actually feel and measure a person's vibration energy the hair gives off more energy than the steam because it grows out it gives off is that energy an intimate energy or is it a neutral energy so that the Honan were actually debating this and they came to the conclusion that once a woman is married and she is being intimate the energy that her hair gives off is a little bit intimate than it shouldn't be wasted it shouldn't be given out it should be kept in so when you cover your hair what you're really doing is you're preserving that energy from being dissipated into the air silly example of that is a woman who flirts with everybody can't really be intimate with anybody because her energy has been scattered squandered it's gone if you preserve that energy then when you're intimate you you have you have the you have the full experience of your intimacy like for example again people who don't wear clothes are not good at intimacy it's it's been it's been defused that's what sneers basically is all about snus means whatever energy I have that is intimate I'm keeping it and then your intimate life so there was an article in the New York Post recently they did this such study this 9,000 people they say study and it came to a conclusion traditional married women are much happier than a secular successful woman and their intimacy is infinitely better so if you think about what they call the freewheeling open society where where you hook up and you have and you have sex with this one with that one there's nothing that it's not satisfying it's shallow it's pathetic it's a married woman whose energy is reserved for her intimate life has an intimate life it's not it's not see your husband benefits from it but not through the hair left they're seeing the hair the fact that you preserve that energy you now share that energy with him when you're being intimate you sharing it no not the hair the energy not sharing the hair enough to share hair have to share intimacy so those intimate pleasures are much more intense didn't squander savings if you uncover your hair some of that energy goes into the room not into your relationship in other words you can either internalizing or externalize it so if you uncover your hair if you wanna write you want to boil a pot of water you put a cover on why because you don't want to heat up the room you want to boil the water if you don't put a cover on it you're heating up the room it'll take longer for the water to boil because half the heat is going into the room when you cover it the water gets all these you don't need to see the hair you have to feel the heat yeah so when people say we're we're we're reserving on here for the same thing that a man takes off his young bouquet when he's being into them why not you and younger yes but why are you so surprised that a woman doesn't take off her people he doesn't take off yeah he'll be so grateful in the end it is for your husband you see it ultimately is for the husband because he is the one who benefits not by seeing your hair the energy that would otherwise have been lost he gets to enjoy because it's intimate it's not external its internal so until the woman is married which is kind of strange until she's married the hair is nothing wasteful but once it's not funny funny thing use that from people say I'm saving my hair from my for my husband your husband never gets to see it because you're it's in the dark thank you very much you can look at my hair now yeah but the lights are off the lights are off I get that reaction also well the lights have to be on yeah we are so why the lights have to be off the protector lights have to be off it's just about her not about her look right yes that's the point of the light of the lights being off lights are off means we're going to just be us we're not going to be doing things so what do you do the lights on for it now the lights on is basically pornography until pornography became popular nobody had lights on there's a normal thing that you need to make you turn the light off right by non-jews this this crazy thing with the lights that's only from pornography so lights off is so powerful and I say this on interviews on podcasts and on whatever that call this to non-jews endemic Wow don't see anything don't hear anything and don't say anything Boyet that's that's intimate hello good morning the bottom line in terms of the hokhmah of tato the worst thing it's not an exaggeration the worst feeling that a person can can experience is the feeling that you're alone in the world nobody can survive that feeling how are you not alone in the world if you're married until you're married you are alone in the world and that's what the tailor is telling us therefore a man should leave his mother and father why what does that have to be said therefore a man should leave his mother and father cleave to his wife and become one no I'm one with my mother and father nope the fact that you have a mother and a father you're still alone in the world you're well taken care of like you're alone you don't stop being alone until you're married because when you're married you become one you're not one with your mother you're not even if you're her favorite and you're not one with your father for a very simple reason they have each other you're not one you're three you're not one with your children the only relationship in which you are one is marriage so the cure to being alone is intimacy because if you're married without intimacy you're alone you're married and you're alone it's devastating for a long time that says since the 60s they found 1960 people have been saying we're a very lonely cessation we're very we're very outgoing we're we're very eerie travel we have friends with and we're so lonely when a married couple who are happily married and yet they each feel alone in the world this is dangerous and why is that because they're not intimate with each other they just do stuff that's not called intimate they don't surrender to each other they use each other for what they need and they're getting what they need they think they're happy so again on the one hand they say the laws of mikvah it'sit'sit's but you can't understand that you just have to accept it you know covering the hair there's no explanation it's just one of those things you take the sense that's it you know yeah that's a nice attitude of trust and and innocence but to say there's no reason that you can't understand it all is perfectly natural and logical and sensible and smart it's just amazing how the common innocent rabbis were way ahead of us in understanding the facts of life reality we're just trying to catch up to them yeah you call it aura and there it sounds like but you sit with a person you pick up a few in business nothing there's a mysterious about that so why is she a shackle does two things it keeps the inside in what has to remain inside stays in and what should be out comes out what should be out the question okay what's the point of wearing a shape well it looks better than your hair that's the point yeah there isn't there's no virtue in being ugly so covering your hair was not meant to make you less beautiful that's that's that's nasty that that's distasteful beauty is not private beauty is meant for the eyes of the beholder what's the point of something beautiful if you won't show it we're not afraid of beauty so what the shape will does is two things at the same time what's private intimate and should be reserved is being reserved by wearing a shackle and what's supposed to be external and visible is improved so those from EES will say no no no shake that looks too good you don't know what good-looking means you don't know what intimate means you don't know what a woman is I think they're both symptoms of the third problem we don't understand what intimacy means or we don't understand what being a woman is all about the result is Mick no shake no sneeze know why because why should I be any different than the man you know why do I have to be dressed like this you know which means I don't know what it means to be a woman if I want it to be a woman I would love that sneeze because it works for being a woman I don't know what it means to be a woman so just leave me alone that's like beautiful psyche you know this the the miss miss Israel came four dollars we can imagine becoming Miss Israel is not the most sneeze activities in the world what would what would a very thrown person's reaction be when he hears that the Deborah spoke to her and kafir at the house then throw her out yeah they introduced Perez this is Miss actually you're right I think you're right does ever have no idea they'd ever heard she is the most beautiful woman in Israel and what was his reaction good for you beautiful beauty you know can we - who says who says beauty leads to bad things you're so confused what what did they never say to her Zeca have shame the hello hi a fee that's only if you're not you're a session if you are you're a session then the beauty is wonderful and the thing is wonderful and you should be praised for it ish a yoga session heat is hollow we all think it means you should praise her for being here ashram I know that you don't get praised you get praised for your beauty if your beauty has a little year of Shammai into it which means you don't mix it with intimacy if you don't confuse beauty with intimacy you're perfect and you should be praised for your good looks this this is always a little controversial people don't like to hear this if you're healthy and you are married and a healthy wholesome total ticket way and your husband comes home and he says I just hired his secretary you got to see this lady she is gorgeous his the wife she's beautiful watch me make believe she's nine no it's not he has oh so he shouldn't see anything beautiful what she's good who's good why did why is the wife threatened that there's a beautiful woman in the world what does have to do with her marriage with our husband basically your waist is intimacy and a woman's looks yeah that's why if she is a professional singer she's allowed because then it's just beautiful it's a beautiful performance that never discouraged a professional singer she has a marriage not a beauty compass handsome if I get it the magenta confusion in the in the secular world is a secular world you marry the person that you think is the most beautiful and if somebody shows up more beautiful your whole marriage is in crisis but we don't do that what I want to marry you the most beautiful woman you'll be no temptation that has a lot of temptation we know that a man's desire is women and a woman's desire is lock with sealed right we learned that going up so the problem here is not the beauty that were jealous a man has a Vegas on and he wants it happens we don't it happens a lot there's office and the reason we happen and the reasons is because again you see if you confuse beauty with intimacy you know I grew up animalistic nature so I don't know and one more on the rabbi to be strong together to resist the temptations of because of prostitute is beautiful no but there was a woman there was there was a kid she was another the opposite attraction a woman a prostitute exactly but not every beautiful woman is a prostitute so that makes the point even stronger it was there if it's a prostitute and they're so low and these rabbis shouldn't be shouldn't even be affected by it why - there are no phone numbers a cop who are on the webinar is you have to walk together what is superficial you're saying superficial beauty is like a redundancy beauty is superficial it's supposed to be it's a different kind of beauty but beauty is meant to be on the surface exactly yes two completely different things right so a shape that can be beautiful my hair is attractive so so look at how how long we have fallen that we are afraid of beauty where that confused that's how you it's not real it's not true it's not natural sexually attractive I'm saying their marriage is going hopefully the rhymes going well they shouldn't be attracted any anybody else but they are so so basically this is there's no there's some beautiful woman but there's no other attractive boys you know that's very much okay so look a guy comes home and hold a secretary she is so efficient okay why not more efficient than you he's getting attracted to her she's a prostitute if she's cute what are you trying to the guy is married to a droopy so he should really believe that his wife is prettier than the 20 year old second twenty because because like 20 year old thirty-five-year-old marries of 20-year old coach he needs to be a little smarter than her otherwise she doesn't meet him so you see if things were normal if things were as they should there's no competition no danger you have to play this is a silly game no no you're the prettiest in the whole world we are one she is pretty many situation yes because we're so confused woman so we walk down the street I don't think of Matt's possible for men to close his eyes he walks up walks anywhere didn't you eat the kimchi change but he sees things that are attractive or not succeed abilities women that are not properly dressed I guess true so then what is supposed to be so what should a man walk with his eyes closed or maybe maybe his infancy should be so great as greater than is easy

Channel: Chassidus with Rabbi Manis Friedman

Views: 9,152

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Keywords: Rabbi Manis Friedman, Manis Friedman, 11213.org, 11213org, Chabad Chassidus, Chabad, Chassidus, Tanya, Kabbalah, Torah, Daily Study, Judaism, Jewish Thought, Jewish

Id: OcLnMh3GRNw

Length: 113min 16sec (6796 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 06 2019