Boro Park Women: Your Husband's Greatest Fear...

that connections are not they're not strong now in you dish it's totally normal when you're talking to your kid to say man King Triton English it sounds so funny my son to 4 volts on hell who talks like that but that we used to talk my man man Kinlan that's that's that's what the relationship was today it wasn't it wasn't career wasn't unusual for an eight-year-old it's a little bit unusual at that but that was the normal life and even with the image that we have to have that same mind God gotten you and that's why we're people people talk about they wished I could this border who are cutters borrow food that sounds so fun person justjust like the answer from you're saying never don't marry things so playing the world thank you my son is looking for shut up why did you just go take anything okay you do want to make easier for personalities so it's not because because you're marrying those qualities it's more it's more of a process of elimination you want to make sure that there is nothing about the person that's distasteful field because if there is you'll never get past it so you see everything is good there's a medic I like his humor I like his looks I like I like everything good so now nothing will bother you you can get married but not that you're marrying those things if it's already this tasteful when you're married imagine how it would bother you if you were married and that's why any little thing doesn't matter you don't like his nose marry you don't have to have a good reason to say no even a house isn't it like how badly I don't like the nose I mean I could've driven us and all that you say but if somebody brings it up this retention at this yeah I come live with it that sounds like you're pushing yourself it's be ever what's their short yeah yeah yeah so no that says I'm so ashamed to tell you I'm uncomfortable with her teeth so I said then don't marry either but that's so wrong so your chair of it shouldn't bother it's a little too late now what should or shouldn't that you should have taken care of in Yeshua and you would develop is your personality [Music] once you're married you have to overlook and yes them but you go with up to into a problem where you asking for trouble that's the expression at continuity Wake Tech isn't and copy not cranking good see but that's what it is the imperfections will annoy some people it doesn't bother another person so I decided that man so everyone who I answered my question that makes the appeal should get that but once you get the married you have to understand how marrying those things but your then seduced by shared that mothers can my word I say your by shared that management was meant the classic beautiful story about shots in California she called up a girl after right after the meetings she closed in her own says me that's for me he's already getting played ready given what bold okay then the shots and finds another she thinks very good she calls to hear she called she calls the girl and she sets it up and she tells the guy who is bold don't take your hand off the meetings don't take your hands okay they go they Mia and she calls after where she closed the girl she calls the guy and he says yeah yeah I met her yet I like I'm interested to write you out again yeah oh but you told me not to take my hat off I forgot I took my hat off okay you blew it cause the girl no yeah very nice yeah yeah yeah very good when I guard again yeah even though he's bald she said it's not bad it's the chef's and said even though he's bald married they're happy history true story and maybe she didn't like guys who are going war world is both of it says they know halfway yesterday then he says I met the girl I don't know look I'm embarrassed to tell you but it was one thing a blonde I said don't forget about that one this is you but that's just the 800 okay so you want to get married without your dates oh honey you're gonna leave it by your mother getting married it's our other self and why do why do you have to meet you heard good things about her marry her over the telephone no but darling why because you have to see the silly little things because we're silly people [Music] okay so again we're dedicating which we're dedicating the class to my mother well I felling good science even our first yard site and we're talking about men and women husbands and wives I should be undercover so the first thing that goes like this although macabre were once one person they got separated became two people and that needs to be fixed how do you fix it through marriage in marriage a man and a woman become one like Adam was a man and a woman he was male and female so the purpose of marriage is to become hold like Adam was before the separation and that's when you get all the brothers that a human being deserves is when you're a complete human being when you're only half you only get half the gross so what do we know just one distinction between men and women what do we know about Odom and what do we know about Cabo Adam was created from the from the sand that's why he's called Adam because he was taken from the Adama how was havoc created Java was created from other from a from a human being not from not from sand what does that do to the man and to the woman if you're created from sand which means you're basically nothing dumber that creates mentality a psyche where you're never sure that that you became something useful because everything always goes back to a childish so if you're created from dust you always have a suspicion maybe I'm still just dust and that's why we see some of the most successful most powerful richest men in history were paranoid right you think I'm nothing no you're stalling you're the most powerful man in the world yeah but you think I'm nothing right paranoid because deep down inside you never outgrow it a woman is created from a man she doesn't she doesn't have that in her background I was once nothing no you weren't so a woman doesn't have that paranoia to that suspicion that maybe I'm nothing so here's the difference between men yeah and not only that he's a man he's a living being he's not he's not Sam whether it's male/female but he's at he's a mensch not a look a lump of clay so here's here's the difference men live with with the suspicion always in the back of their mind like a ghost in the closet that maybe maybe he hasn't amounted to anything when Hillel said to the get what is what you hate don't do to somebody else what was he referring to we generally think it means whatever whatever you hate don't do to somebody else it's a little strange like I hate chocolate so I'm not gonna give you chocolate I hate being in debt so I'm not gonna give you a loan it's to open open he was actually referring to something specific do you know what you hate the most talking to men you hate the most when somebody reminds you that maybe you're still nothing that don't do to anybody else so how do you criticize yourself how do you admit to yourself that you have faults first you're sure that you're something and then you can admit that you're not everything okay nobody's perfect perfect we're not talking about your being perfect we're talking about your bein that maybe don't do that you don't do that to yourself you never admit your faults unless you're sure that you're something so before you criticize somebody else a man first recognize that he is something and then you can criticize him so any criticism that you say to a man he overreacts that's like saying you say to a man oh I thought you were taller that's it I hate you so what well they city first I'm not so tall then you're gonna tell me I'm not so smart maybe you tell me I'm not so talented then you tell me I'm not so worthwhile you mean I'm nothing right you're just starting but I know where you're going because he already has a suspicion that he's nothing so men live with this burden that's why men need compliments men need to be respected and admired which means you're something women don't need it as much of course everybody likes a compliment but that's not what it all means the woman is the opposite a woman has no suspicion that I'm nothing happened I think that's ridiculous question is am i everything or not so what what do women need not compliment appreciation because I'm something so why do you make believe I'm nothing I did something you can't you can't acknowledge you can't say thank you in other words men need to be complimented women need to be appreciated don't take me for granted and if you do take me for granted you're warm not hot I think so if you treat a man like he's nothing he'll eventually agreed never on the loser you tell a woman you're nothing she looks at you like yeah okay I'm not everything but nothing doesn't exist there's no zero it's either a one or a hundred for a man it's either zero or something here's the proof you say to your husband you you changed the light bulb you're not you know how to change rightful your husband says come on everybody can change the light bulb that he feels very good give my company goes to work in a good mood now he's feeling it was so nice my wife gave me a compliment I'll give her a compliment so in the morning when you make eggs he says to you you know how to make eggs and you hit him with the frying pan and he says what I gave you a compliment that's a counterfeit doesn't work this is why men make up rutter in the morning you shall wear your sunny Isha why do you have to say what you're not say what you are what I'm a man it's a matter of opinion depends who you ask but to get up and say thank you for making me a man a man that ven he has to become a man he's not sure and if he did become see you can't thank the a bridge - a bridge that made you with some potential it didn't make you a man even the fact that a little boy is born s time of this Waylon Davis that just created him type didn t you don't like the way they burst it created him if to make up it is see a man is not born the way to a bridge - once he has to become so the man says I can't say thank you for making me a man that I'm not sure I am but I can say thank you for not making me a woman and I'll try to be on it what does a woman say show a soundy kids hanging which means I'm created the way he wants I don't have to become so it doesn't mean show Assad he could say that doesn't mean you created me whichever way you want them what's what I brought there does the thanking day burster for doing whatever he wants we're thanking the initiative that from the moment you're born you're exactly the way he wants you so that's why men have a much more fragile ego that's why a man needs a mafia and my fee is not just somebody who dis advice it's somebody who recognizes him as a man I've got finish even if the Russia fever says to him hmm that's it that's all he needs to hear and he becomes a man that's why you have a liberal that's why you have a sergeant in the army that's why you have groups clubs armies so that the young people can get approval from an older man who's an authority who can say stomach and that's it it becomes a match women don't need that and that's why the tradition is a brothel has to go away to yeshiva a wait what if his father is the best Russian city of the world not for him he has to go away to find his own authority to find his own mafia his own little boo who could make a mensch elephant not not by hard work just by recognizing him as you're one of us I'm grown up I'm already a minge you're welcome to the club in America we in American culture we don't have them boys don't look up to older men on the contrary they look down at older men so they have nobody to make a mention of it so what do they do they run after women if all the women think I'm a man I'll become a man doesn't work doesn't help at all so then they get together young men getting together telling each other hey we're great we're great we're doesn't work they become gangs the only way to get that kind of approval is from somebody who is already mature a male who is not your father maybe your grandfather it too close to person so somebody was joking because [Music] because you both hung up on your mother so I said this comes and says you're doing it all wrong you're doing it all wrong even if you could find the Mafia who will make you feel like a manager that's not how you do it because then somebody else will come along and criticize you cap you down and you're back to zero again the best way to do it is like it says in the babbling monomethylation a cliche me mug will sa know what nothing I am nothing I'm not fighting it I'm not haunted by it it's true I'm nothing that's the Emma's so what can I do for you that's called real Anubis that's called Bittle it's not about me app no matter what I do after everything that I'm still nothing look so what am I gonna waste time on myself but their gardener so what could I do something see that's what happens women are nurturers one because if you're not busy taking care of yourself and worrying whether you're something then you can devote yourselves to somebody else and beyond nurturer men don't nurture because I hear your problem but okay I got problems too so even if they nurture it's not completely devoted or relaxed because in the back of their mind like I'm taking care of my baby right now but that's not what I should be doing I'm a loser when a man stops fighting his is nothingness he makes peace with it yeah regardless but I can do things for the a bridge that I can do things for you so fine so I'm nothing so let me have this do something for you then he can become a nurturer and in a sense that's what our deputies and that be is a nurturer because he doesn't have any ghosts sometimes got a male mother so there's that famous story where this general Israeli general was by the deku and after the long conversation they're beset them so when are you going backs is it off and he said whatever Wednesday never said so soon stay a little longer what sorry he said thank you very much but I gotta get back his cousin was alibi richer fussing he drove him to Manhattan to his hotel room so in the car the general said to me of the depth is such a gentleman he says stay a little longer what's the hurry of us except that ever wasn't being a gentleman they never said stay a little longer you stayed a little longer don't go they argued back and forth and he convinced him he didn't go a flight that he was supposed to be on was hijacked to Algeria I remember the story it was in the papers a plane is hijacked they land in Algeria they waited 24 hours there were no demands nobody could figure out what do they want after 24 hours I'd let everybody go and it was just a mystery now we understand the mystery they were looking for him he wasn't on the plane so there's a rabbi from New Jersey loved was by the Deba after the event and he said I have to ask you this question if you knew the plane was gonna be hijack why didn't you tell everybody call lol tell him to cancel the flight he didn't know so the neighbor said I didn't know it was gonna be hijacked when I'm talking to a Jew his roots of me desperately to do him upside favor and that's that and from that desire to do him a favor I said don't go I didn't know in the in a simple and a simple explanation that's like a mother's instinct Sam a Misha hurts that's called a male mother a nurturer so when you really care about somebody the right words come you don't even know why this is a good example people would say who is that ever is enough II knew the compliment huh call somebody I'm loving whoo no it's a much bigger compliment that he had so much a versus well that if we brought the what the right words we had many of the veal okay but that kind of a versus low that's usually something even this was real I put my husband's boss about that then of course there there's only you the stuff like listening a community irregular but he says like and the rebel told you that first time do investor don't invest it was the right thing now after you explained it already you came with rallies then of course okay so don't he said that that's usually the way it is never said something that first thing then it's in the store with a liver it's it's a condition it's the high holiness that it's my house it's still called the upper kindness what is your right what's Ruach Hakodesh a helical move great what what's a helical coach is to say the right thing because you're so connected and luckily they were pure I don't know yeah we don't have to make it him will be right for carrots sorry very simple story that whatever [Music] there are two parts there are some times when the Deb is authority the Deborah's information is coming from him bastard don't what yeah that's your okay dish from him but that yeah but then there's another they never saying that's not what happened here here it was push I hate you limit a little so that's the mail the mail love it so what is the bottom line the bottom line is that men struggle all the time it's always there in the back of their mind unless they learn to say this and get comfortable with the fact I mention government we're only here to serve the average them and the miracle and the beauty of it is that a human being that is uh nothing can do the greatest things that's the image that's Taylor he does he does us this favor he makes the useless person the most useful so now the problem is gone I don't have to prove up something because I'm not something I just want to do the most good that I can do because by myself I'm nothing I'm just wondering the women are more than something women yeah just yeah so this whole thing with an Evo Sam bit pull and you have to hold yourself low that's mostly for men with little boys you're raising your sons you have to somehow convince them that you're not so important your girls you have to convince that they are to be most beautiful no no I think we'll come to terms that you're not but if you see your son acting to some bazzill they're too important you have to help I don't know if you should somebody should but the objective and their heel and the finger of a little boy they have to get comfortable with the fact that what are you making a big deal about yourself I was still it was Kiki you can't like I asked and there's some deceivers left so walkers in some receivers they actually use the compliments and the importance as the motivation you'll become a goggle be as well you're the smartest this is the best boy in yeshiva they're always and and and the the higher they get the more the more paranoid they become because you build them up and build them up and in the end they think yeah and they may be after all of that I mean they're garnished so now they need compliments more now they need to be the biggest and the smartest and make fun of everybody else it becomes nasty so what is invent the girl or the women you said before then what has much be aware that let's just leave it to say you're a man yeah but that's that's the desperate way of solving it I'm saying that super showing is much better and the sufficient way is in that that's a true who was it who said please don't be humble better you have to be humble he needs to hear that never really nothing solutions did you know I think it or is it though man working take a look at the Dominator of course he has to grow up and do it by himself everybody telling him that he's a loser if I can he's gonna fight back but in a proper way when you educate a child you help him peel himself away from his self-importance look you tell you your son time to go to sleep when you say other losers or bet it's time to go to sleep what do you what are you telling you you hear the message or something so you're doing it all the time you're always saying you like this it's not kosher so what are you talking so in other words my message to him ask the beat is Cornish no but that's but that's what he needs to learn zoom in other words you will learn this on his own hopefully hopefully but that's why we need to see this especially in our generation because everybody is full of compliments and everybody is the best and the greatest of it and makes people crazy men so if your child if your son is acting a little you say to him no and where's the onion and who's gonna be done OHS see a person who said it's a grown man the grown man who says you know I'm not so important to be the one to tell you why did you have to say next who are you trying to convince even saying even thinking I'm really not that important oh so you thought you're so leave the Shannon Cup how important you are and and up no I'm not that important yeah what's going on in your head interesting you hear about these people who are shame and legia no shame in the Ghia or not shame in the gear there are some people who are either shame in the gear or not shame an idea which means that either touch girls that they don't touch those these are Orthodox as if it's optional holding hands this some people don't do that some people do do that so there's a whole whole a whole couple about it so I was listening to this guy talking about how important it is to be shomer negiah fact chamber showers are you ashamed Michalis who's our shame you sure you know what that expression came from nobody ever walked into a shul said and when I show you my shadows nobody ever said that there are non-jews who keep showers know about this instead of Sunday yeah instead of Sunday they keep shopping in Russia they were called superfluous they were Shabbat Shabbos NICs they can say I keep shoppers what does the Jew say I keep shoppers never heard your comments it even coucher your kosher but but the expression came from stores in the in the early years if a butcher you want to know if the butcher is a less Allah he would put a sign on the store saying shameless Shabbos the store is closed by shoppers that's what it meant the business about the shaver shop is not the guy that became like a expression but again it sounds like all your shavers hammers why is that an option I can be and not be so how did the Marshall had it all of this all become an option you keep holding on what am I do I keep it if you're a Jew you're a Jew what what now because some people don't some people do and it that when did you become an option oops I hit the Richmond yeah not supposed to drink whatever they call Stan but but Stan is no good that has to be known anyway so so now all of a sudden Nakia also became function Shaima you're not trading them so you hear the expression I'm trolling McGee well I'm not sure you know what's really offensive about it if I'm shaming Agia I'm not gonna touch the girl if I'm not sure everything he I'm gonna touch it does she have any opinion but she can't what is this you're deciding you've been your favorite Venusian who's asking you your opinion this girl is a mensch and and who gives you the right to decide whether you're going to touch me not gonna touch you as if he doesn't matter but but that's not what the expression the same even if she wants but if you're not supposed to you don't do this to her so what is sneeze sneeze means you don't do this to her not because you want to be at Southwick the same with Russian Holman who are you not supposed to talk Russian harder you have to be careful not to talk Russian huh why and why you want to go it again the evening where you want to go together that's the issue that's why you don't talk watching huh does it have anything to do with the person you're talking about the whole a bull kite the whole the whole beauty of it is gone you had this conduction hood although I have a lot to say I look at everybody and I find everything wrong with them I'll bet it when the hats are big so from me you're not gonna hear somebody said you know the the Shiva world is doing a big project not to talk washing home what's how about doing to stop the ocean yes how do you stop washing home if you like people you won't say bad things about them but you don't like anybody and you look with a critical eye on everybody but since you're such how did you don't talk it's always about you and it's never about the other person yeah yes because it's so elegant yeah maybe the other way around you hear somebody say washing her and you're saying wait I know her no she's really she's really very nice no never I don't talk like a mother I do talk like her it's all about it's so selfish and so and the same thing with the shredder Lydia what do you mean you decide you're gonna touch not touch let mr. governor about the boss that you can decide what you're gonna do to somebody so the whole versus know the whole reason that it's missing off the topic okay so the first difference we know about men and women is that men are always in the process they're always becoming and they never know for sure whether so this guy writes he says when I was young I was sure that I would be the best at everything I got a little older and I realized that's not gonna happen so I've decided I'm gonna be the best at something I got a little older and I realized it's not gonna happen so I decided I would like to be good at something even if not the best now that I'm really old I'm asking my wife that if I die first she should write on my Mac Savior he was okay watch something yet hook just don't make me into nothing Yesi but you know usually with age that does happen you notice whether people say is been gardeners they've accomplished nothing and they're comfortable with us but if you have to wait 80 years I show all those years that you listed defending yourself looking for a compliment and so on so men need compliments from their wives never as a hint that says you're nothing because that hurts so will Marshall the worst thing you can say to a husband it's a surprising them the worst thing you can say to husband is never mind I'll do it myself be here with that see from their wife they don't need pain so don't cause pain you're not going to be the solution the solution has to find himself but you should certainly shouldn't add pain so sometimes this is that Republic sometimes even something you can do yourself ask him to do it it's also being nice yeah it's also being nice so yes you can open the jar yourself [Laughter] and I've ever had men need to know stop complimenting your wife on rare occasion the show appreciation every day so don't say wow you can make eggs you know how to boil an egg let's say thank you don't take her for granted so the good merit actually sends the most painful thing to a man is to remind him that he's nothing the most painful thing for a woman is injustice what hurts a woman more than anything else is injustice what why did you do that to me I deserve it what why do you take me for granted what am i nothing so the woman of Janet's - the injustice a man just wants to be as something he hasn't cared justice not justice at least Epis that's why you raise boys and girls differently it's very useful helpful and productive to tell a girl how good she looks how cute cheese how sweet she is don't tell the guy how handsome is tell them this suit looks good on you don't tell him he's so handsome he's so smart he's so when his right or he says something smart and what that wasn't it yeah sometimes compliments make people nervous cuz then it starts to sound like a condition you are something when you're smart when you're not smart then that's alright so it becomes like a condition it's some kids don't like countenance at all but that's why you should compliment what they did just like when you criticize you don't say you're such a liar you say that was not true appreciation nothing is absolutely 100 percent every time you run away but see there's a difference a woman can wear confidence I can't I can't speak I can't I can't sing I can't dance I can't but not I'm nothing with a man if you say you know you're not a very good singer oh it's you know not a good singer not a good dancer can you tell me I'm nothing okay I hate you okay what do you say even even a man who says you know I'm successful nozzle and you say yeah where is he he said it and you agreeing with him finally what does he hate you because you're not saying it the way he's saying he's saying first unimportant and a missile nozzle you're saying no you're just a short and dad hurts that's don't do to others now in the relationship between men and women the image that created the whole world would assistant and the system is giving and getting receiving that's that's the system in the entire world the rain falls the earth absorbs it something rose the rain is the giver the earth is the receiver and the flower grows same is true in a man and a woman the man gives the woman receives and a baby is born emotionally that's also true emotionally demand is the giver and the woman is the receiver this is why a woman wants a husband who was stronger than her or smarter than her more successful than her that he has something to give her and she will receive it now a real giver if we use the example of a teacher in a student a teacher obviously is the difference and the student is the receiver unfortunately we don't have a very good example of a real teacher and a real student because the structure in school is a soul it's so businesslike it's so impersonal with the big classes with the with the structures that we don't really have givers and receiver what would be a real teacher a real giver a real teacher is somebody who is so devoted to what the student needs that it becomes his whole life he thinks about it when he's sleeping it is obsessed with it every day of his life what does the student need how do I give it how do I teach it how do I present it a teacher who comes into class and he has a curriculum the principal told him that today you have to learn this page of gimana that's not a teacher it's not a giver it's just a guy with a job is this what the students need to learn he doesn't care this is what the school wants to do this is not called teaching maybe it's educating it's not it's not giving a giver is inspired by the students need that's what makes him want to teach if he doesn't feel the students need he's not a teacher he's not a giver or he's not a man that's the first thing the second thing is when he feels the students need he gives everything him his whole being his heart has sold the whole of overhaul but I'll not solve a homemade out they used to say if you'd become a teacher you will you will live five years less than you could have lived otherwise because you'll talk your heart out and you'll die before your time and that's a teacher so two things giving means let's just give something a piece of information on a page out of a book giving means you give yourself your whole being and the second condition you're giving what is needed not what you want to give so the marshal a husband who keeps buying flowers whenever he comes home bings flowers his wife doesn't like flowers he doesn't even notice she says thanks oh she buys it again that's not that's not a husband that's not a giver giving means giving what is needed so when the tailor says that hava was cursed so to speak as if they wish to curses before she was cursed that she would hunger for her husband yes le Shack should cross it I don't know what kind of curse that is but it sounds like you're gonna be desperate looking for your husband where the meddler says look what happened the a bridge that says to Hoffa you're gonna hunger for a husband so you think she's gonna run around the streets looking for a husband the opposite happened when men heard that women hunger for a husband every man wants to find a wife so every man goes running around looking for a wife they burst his curses are always really blessings but listen to what it's saying the hunger that a woman has is irresistible to a man that's what he wants he wants somebody who has a hunger that he can satisfy and for that he'll give himself away completely men find that hunger irresistible and to gain that hunger the man will give himself away Kunti so if you ask your husband to bring home flour for the table and he what they have to show the gluten powder like well what is it no optimality grocery store and it by obviously the man that would like everything we share her generous to the listen soldier but that's you know that's just things the point is he wants to please you that impress you a guy who wants to impress you he's not a giver he's a taker he wants something from you if he's trying to please you that he's a different but you can't please somebody your weight you're hungry to please somebody is their way so you said there but I brought you a dozen flowers [Music] finds a luminary simply want to over satisfy so nice it's also really it's only need that is need it's his nature which is better and if a man is going to make it where he won't have any no you see we wanted a other husband to be the giver feel like you're nothing before so you don't have a need then the need to give in order to become a something so it doesn't feel like a nothing in that's not giving it's always like I'll be nice to you you'll be nice to me that's not giving that's working out a deal that's that's business so I've been nice to you for two days okay now it's your turn yeah it's a definition of giving and the definition of receiving but with men that's what they are it's not just an activity a man is a giver so if he's not good if a man is not a given there's something frustrated in his whole system the whole wiring is wrong he'll never be happy because you can't you can't deviate from your nature so that's a giver that would be a real teacher what's a student a student is one who receives but not half-hearted if you are a receiver then that's all you do just pure receptive which means that when you're listening to your teacher and you're the receiver there is nothing going on in your mind except absorbing you're not thinking wow that was really smart or that didn't make any sense or yeah yeah I've heard that before if you're thinking any of those things you're not a receiver you're an editor your critics your skeptic your not every single when you're a receiver you're doing only one thing absorbing that's why in the olden days even in Buffalo you heard what they what they that what the South taught then you reviewed it a hundred times or whatever what was the review not just to remember it the review is to see what you learned because while you were listening that's all you do afterwards when you review then you sort out what did I already know what new thing that I learned do I really understand it but while you're hearing all you're doing is observing very rare but if you ever had that experience that you walked into a classroom with your favorite teacher and you didn't care what they said and you didn't care how long it would go on just um I'm listening tell me what TV you want because you can imagine if you have a real different and a real student powerful so talking to this class and they're saying the teacher is that is that I've ever been there all disappointed with the teacher he's not a good teacher there's not a teacher I said imagine you're a teacher and you walk into a classroom all inspired you're gonna teach you're gonna explain you're gonna educate these kids and you walk into the classroom you take one look at them and they don't want to be there they don't want to hear from you they're not interested what will they do to you mr. teacher all of a sudden you can't teach you don't have the energies you don't understand why you took this job in the first place it destroys you because you're a giver and there's no receiver imagine if the whole class wakes up one morning it says today we just want to learn whatever the teacher says boy all of a sudden he becomes a good teacher all of a sudden he's talented he's smart he has so many good things to say what happened here the hunger of the student creates the teacher they tell me tomorrow the Talmud is a semicolon right I gained more from my students than from I have a demon from my teachers how to make about him and if they say I got a lot from my teachers Harvick about the Mojave lie but meet Almeida a semicolon a woman who was receptive to her husband turns him into a giver so there was a commercial years ago about some perfume or something and if you know it's all very secular and but it was with the idea was a very good one the commercial was you want him to be more of a man try being more of a woman so they meant of course but but the idea is you wanted to be a much be at you have to be a Mikado because the Makabe creates yeah like you were saying the student comes first so for example why does a woman hunger for her husband doesn't a husband hunger for his wife especially when he knows that she hungers for him a giver doesn't hunger it's his nature so he goes looking my giver goes looking for a Makabe there's no hunger well what is that what is somebody who is receptive do when nobody's giving her anything she's hungry her hunger her need creates his needs because his whole existence is a response to you yeah this man needs to get a nanny unless he needs to be a giver if anyone be able to exist this is first it's true he needs to be a different but there is nobody music about that the camera and the wife is not a preacher soon he will not be okay that's right you also need to say he's doesn't hug each other did they want me to guess but then he's nothing no then we're back to my friend again yes you need to eat thanks someone else that's right it's different hunger is passage what are you doing you're hungry you're hungry your fingers active it's not stronger what is active and what is passive but passive is stronger passive is very powerful so that's why by the way like a receiver is also a nurturer because what happens when you receive a mother nurtures her child not by what she does anything a mother does you can hire somebody to do and in the olden days they actually had wet nurses didn't even nurse your own child you hired somebody so what did you do for your child diapers yeah so how did you nurture your cat a nurturer doesn't have to do anything if you come into the into the doll Adamas if you come into the arena of a nurturer you come alive it's comforting just you do this you're 6,000 miles away like when you hold even if you don't interact with them they like when you're home that's a home the home itself nurtures like you come home okay what what what's anybody doing for you yeah so the hunger isn't that painful and useless the hunger is so creative it's so productive it turns a man into a giver so for example you have a teacher and they're those students or you have a student and there's no teacher if you're a student and there's no teacher you're still a student but you're frustrated if you're a teacher and there's no student you're not a teacher if nobody needs what you have to offer then then you don't exist as it as a given I don't want a net equal I understand why the McConnell as much it comes first you need both if there's no teacher no classroom there's no students and if there are no students isn't a while insurance if you have a student that there's no teacher you have a frustrated student but if there is no student and you have a there's no teacher second who needs me nobody so the definition of a giver is a response to a receiver and that's why haba is the mother of all living things including other she nurtures him too because he said if you answered my question about notice I say before I sleep or what's the difference is everyone gonna finish you off the big to just answer that I give her who's on there to give you is an insurance but I'm sorry I'm sorry receivers I see what is a natural eye because all right what's a different thing give her a nature because just by receiving you she nurtures you without having to do anything like the uterus what is the universe do nobody knows that's a big from the big mystery yes it receives and whatever it receives blossoms and what does it do no I mean you can get into the you know the nurture the nutrients that I really but but activity an activity the heart pumps the kidney filters did it what if birthday or is the narrative does it waits it hungers that's why a woman's pleasure is in the uterus that's why men don't understand women because men don't have Universal so in the man every part of his body is doing something there's no part of his body that receives it's a completely different reality take a look at what happens in that in a secular society and I've over the uterus can't we do something getting rid of it then there a pill that you can make it shut up so a hapa society that hates the leaders is going to respect women that's why every man wants not just our woman women have uteruses the secular man if he's not a mention I don't want a woman he wants after part of a woman but but without the uterus also without the brain don't need the brain you bit it so that's how you that's how you respect women and the opposite in the society where the uterus is holy women get respected we were you shooting fifties most of them alum did we're not really educated talented they were people who needed a job and they just came from Europe and then and there you have a hard time and they have to pay bills that their mind wasn't they were not great teachers okay I put it mildly so we went through your shoe a year empty sorry you know yeah yeah it's nice there was then when we were 16 we started learning time we were in court every word he said was like so real so meaningful so we would come into his classroom the different way we felt like an economy we just wanted to hear what he said no we didn't realize all the years that we weren't getting anything he turned you all that the students know cuz they were there they wouldn't even cover they weren't getting in in years it's still wet from the colony I didn't turn us into students he finally gave us what we were in other words we discovered that we were students didn't ever do that didn't know what it meant to sit down listen and learn we never we never felt never had that experience and it was so good no beer but they never satisfied you got right so they would enjoy the same person sitting in class for 16 years or whatever we became satisfied respondent we were hungry all along nobody was reading us so the thing that made him so different from the others he was talking to us he wasn't just a finding a moon who are you talking to so we were so like I know what the Liz thank you shift we were so mesmerized that the class was only supposed to be an hour and that was not enough I'm just warming up so we had one guy he sit by the wall where the clock was plugged in the olden days had plugged in quacks see what sit by the wall and he would pull out the plug for a few minutes and plug it back in and fill it out like a great and we tricked him into staying another half hour and then when he was and then when he got up to go no no we're gonna do you're gonna leave what we were glued to the seat we didn't know like go back to normal we didn't want we just want them to go on another whole night didn't just just keep talking just keep because everything he said was wonderful so in order to be amicable you have to make yourself more vulnerable than the giver if if a teacher who's a real teacher yeah ideal he talks his heart out he wants so much the kids should understand they should know they should get it and a whole year he invests himself and at the end of the year he finds out that the students been really careful he would be devastated it's not like I don't I got paid anyway what I care no no he would be devastated but not nearly as devastated as a student who was really esteemed totally receptive absorbed everything the teacher said and then at the end of the year finds out that it wasn't telling you the truth the devastation why because in being amicable you opened yourself up much more than the giver right so in order to be that vulnerable you have to be very secure how could you let yourself be so vulnerable if you're not sure who you're talking to so a wife who is going to be completely receptive has to be absolutely secure and confident in the relationship otherwise she can't let go she has to protect herself what if and that is so painful because it means you don't feel like a woman it's not a detail it's the whole thing you're not a woman I say there young couples will get married and they decide that they're not gonna have children right away why first we should get to know each other but listen to what it's saying is saying we're gonna have children then then we're gonna be stuck you don't want to be stuck with each other yeah so how you gonna get trust so it is the husband's responsibility to make his wife so secure that he could completely surrender and not have a or a worry or a suspicion and usually that takes about a year this woman told me once she's married three years and she says today I really got married what do you mean she was driving and she had a blowout remember in the duel when these tires would just explode and all of a sudden she lost control of the car and she says I saw I saw the car going off the road and I screamed my husband's name not my father's name now I'm married because normally when she's under crisis that's a real crisis nobody else can help everybody she squeezed her husband's things I mean she was married over long cuz a woman that's not really no it's Makani ah girl she you know these are them not she no no no but you see what that means hurt her security her last resort is not her father anymore their senior woman look at who's had very unhappy with her husband and every couple of weeks she comes to me and she says so so he did this he did that so can I get divorced I said no over not for months months years now now can I get the horse nope one time she comes and she says he did it again this is a Minnesota he took the car didn't tell me I don't know where he is it's snowy and it's icy he's not his eyesight is not good he's already an older guy so knows it's so dangerous I said oh good maybe we'll get into an accident and died she said and I should say okay yes sometimes we don't know ourselves how connected we have become that's very good the husband cut where were you I don't understand are you welcoming me or you it's a mixed message like where were you means you wanted me to come home sooner or now that I'm late you don't want me at all I don't exactly understand what you say now you come what does that mean then I shouldn't come at all know what I mean and the mental Senora I'm saying if they would think so weird just really scary about my mega she didn't travel too much but one time she was going to California and her granddaughter was accompanying her and the airport that the tumor with the - with the tickets with the lines it was all like so when they finally were sitting on the seat my mother said what was that IVA lying why did you have to do that and where did the computer do and was it that's old and she tried to explain it and I was all new to my mother it was like my mother said no you see I can't even figure out those two to heaven of the earth go figure out ways to talk about what is a receiver a receiver is somebody who hungers to nurture something what she meant why why does she not drink is getting him or the baby if there's a baby so when it says while you love us an effort get married to become one so yeah she says I think that that's the baby if you have a baby it's one baby two people created one baby so two are becoming one that makes sense the others say no without a baby become one how if you're a giver and she's a nurturer you become one like Adam originally was a giver and a nurturer without marriage and a barista separated them and said now become one through marriage and actually the same is true with the creators and the creation he's the giver where the receiver the more we receive him the more he gives because a giver responds to more we need from the I understand the more we rely on him maybe one is gonna get that's why it says the you soon gets more because he fully realize I managed to that's also why we say maybe I should send the gula I should say mushiya TV she was cocky vo : so affirm say that's why he should send wish here Kiwi she was forgiven because we're trusting him where's that a reason should say with depend on you December Shia and and we're waiting but not because we're waiting so you see from this because you are hungry that's what's going to cause it excuse and believe it on us but just an example yeah it's like I really need you to give me or somebody else not particularly as long as I get what I need there's not much I want then you're on the cover but if you just want somebody to give you something I read somewhere once that you promised you a few below whatever it's obviously that's that's where their life but to varnish them so so much you're guaranteed oh you should watch that if through you could but but from our part every time we dive when you ask they bestow their is health Nasser for success it's not because you want the partner so order it's because you wanted to come from him that's what deafening is baffling is almost like say you know I could go out and get a bigger job and if I knew everything comes from so on so I feel like but in the olden days when our grandfathers begged from her here why did he come they wanted yeah because that Sunnis we're getting to be too much so in the back of their mind is it mushiya comes this problem would go away but you know Stalin died so there was like you know it doesn't have to be mushiya just get rid of the sodas yeah but there was there was another there was another motivation it doesn't want to be that we're that the same way you see thanks I know but I heard from someone today we have the ability a little bit more her to share he was giving that incisional about of course it was telling us to actually tune in and ask her yet my shrimp shape but but we don't know the size you know what caused me how many times you hear to say you don't button usually means you know because you have less of a sham in this world then it's less priority I don't remember what he said but something's in fact that now we are much more able to ask my own sake because I wish to get the point but in any case whatever you're not saying is true no but I understand what you're saying it doesn't make sense there are certain areas in life that we realize that it does kind of click in our mind of course everything I mean everything up to this top is Alyssa's my doctor gave me the claims to do right but there are certain things in our life that we contribute like that I have known from the Irish stage talk about it though look it's like your your stockings okay whatever it has the bigger if there's more climbing I don't know you know what this one favor you feel it's nothing is more black yes it will understand that you do every day that's more clarity just isn't clear to you to come out to the club don't you row and you do this ordinary - um does this it's an you've read things by rubber and sugar - I will add more if you look in my robe cuz of a finger tighten everything you have some of this issue is not whether he is in charge whether you want him completely definition do you want him because it's him or do you want him because he's the only one who can give you stuff so I think what you're referring to is today we're much better able to just want him because we have stuff more than ever in history do we really need anything if anything we need to eat less we need less junk in the house because it's getting too cluttered like we got too much so what do we need him for in an emergency oh it's only good for emergencies so the I did the truth is that we are more able to do it just for him than in the past because in the past we needed him so badly for every little thing how do you get to do it for him when you're so needy we're not so needy now we can sit back and say I'm comfortable I'm successful I'm healthy does he need anything from me for the first time in history we can actually think like [Music] different times our problem today our problem is today is not what we need to enhance our problem today is we're bored we have energy we have strength I'm not using it so it's almost like you know if he really needed me I'd be excited because I've nothing else to do with my talents and with my time and with mine so if he really needs me to need him ok I'm glad to hear it because I have time and I have Korea so today we need to be needed more than we need we're not so needy we just want to be needed not useless so if we conserve him way that's exciting because otherwise what so in some way to some degree we can ask for mushiya because he's waiting much longer than we are so if he's waiting from Ashiya and we're the problem that is causing my chef not to come that's terrible well why are we doing this to him now what if your husband is not such a giver would it help if you became more as a receiver yeah it's not easy that's called the shame show might you do it purely on an Ummah but if you don't really believe it it's done exactly the question is is is faking it helpful sometimes if if he's if he's for all practical purposes a mensch and there's some missing link if you fake it it could make all the difference which is not a mensch and then he's got to start all over again I can help but to become the giver is certainly not the solution the wife who suddenly has nothing but advice for her husband do this don't do that why are you doing this why you this this is not going I'm not gonna lead to anything good don't become the giver well he's not doing it so I have to do it no you don't that just makes it a bigger problem do I but charesse that he will do it or find some solution but don't become together he's not such a good giver so you're not gonna be gonna help so now there's no giver and the receiver what's gonna vary practically speaking if he's not a giver you have to somehow cultivate that in it make him feel like a giver even though he's not and then it's a Bissel but but that means become more okay one final thing says it after mushiya comes women are going to be more powerful or more prominent than men that doesn't mean we're going to become the giver on the contrary the power of the receiver will become will become so much more necessary or more appreciated and more because once the world is good you don't need to give her so much it's really good but being a receiver will still be very so same thing with a bruschetta and the onion in the world the world will become much better how not that becoming date the Creator but becoming more of the macabre and the macabre is very powerful it's just not noticed all you notice is the giver so whose Mitzvah is it to get married hizmet who buys the ring he buys the ring who was McCulloh he's Mikado's you so on the surface he's doing everything when Messiah comes it'll become very obvious you're doing everything how does that fit with us understand this world will become his main place I'm not gonna go to heaven holding the shunga sand goddamn they're gonna come here CSM is because what they're receiving so the receiver will become more prominent than the Creator there you go about it said can you write about me at the time you can do all the time is very very tired it's the future

Channel: Chassidus with Rabbi Manis Friedman

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Keywords: Rabbi Manis Friedman, Manis Friedman, 11213.org, 11213org, Chabad Chassidus, Chabad, Chassidus, Tanya, Kabbalah, Torah, Daily Study, Judaism, Jewish Thought, Jewish

Id: hvjVnCKMxT4

Length: 110min 45sec (6645 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 06 2018