Greatest Villains from Parks & Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and More | Comedy Bites

quick query halpert no way still queer packer you can't put me down too strong yeah dwight and jim tried to get me fired but i landed on my feet down here in florida you see this cat's got nine lives and a night captain i don't know if this is too much but i got deputy chief brandt this little basket of pears they look ripe and crispy hello raymond [Music] captain wunch good to see you but if you're here who's guarding hades it's deputy chief watch now unsurprisingly i've been promoted above you and now i'm here to evaluate you what happened to brandt he retired and moved to charleston to be closer to his grandchildren so much for dying at your desk with a little dignity interesting i will attempt to cooperate with you under these new circumstances don't sweet talk me halt i gave it my best shot let's begin and since my arrival violent crime has gone down by 17.3 percent as you can see here two-toned graphs you think you can distract me from this precinct's problems with a flashy presentation same old ray halt fossil no steak i'm off to do some spot checks oh my god she's totally gonna flunk us i haven't gotten enough since i failed recess in second grade teachers need a break too amy we were doomed the minute she slithered into the precinct it's funny when we first met we had some good times looks like we both want that stapler seems that way based on what happened so when did it all go south 1989. i was up for a big promotion which would have fast-tracked my career watch offered to write a letter on my behalf but instead she torpedoed me because of something that happened the night before she was to turn it in madeleine [Music] would you care for a drink i'd love one i'm sure you can tell i'm quite drunk i've had a couple to build up the nerve i think we both know what i'm about to say raymond i don't think we need to say anything [Music] i'm gay that's what i was going to tell you well then she sabotaged my career because i refused to bed her oh we've been telling that kid for a couple hours i mean it must have been somebody else it was pochitis believe me now that doesn't mean anything to me this is a peach pit okay he was eating a peach when i went to go talk to him this is his ace of spades this is his calling cards this is what he leaves all his victims and it's still warm okay go and arrest him and send us to the lab we don't have a lab [Music] huh looks like andy's wearing him down i'm gonna go finish him off that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard don't you just shut up for a second what's going on he's he's a jerk he is being such a jerk it's an awful thing to say to a human being are you crying no i'm not crying okay i'm allergic to jerks okay andy ouch fine i don't care it's stupid okay the gloves are coming off what's that i think you know what that is when i came to visit you at the school you were eating a peach then my office gets vandalized and somebody leaves a peach pit on my desk i don't think that's a coincidence greg wow you nailed me i mean there's no way that two different people could be in the same fruit in the same day in the same area of indiana never mind that i was actually eating a plum when you saw me earlier i know you did this i don't care what you say i don't care that you were in the parking lot all night somehow you found a way to get in wait wait how did you know that i was in the parking lot all night because i followed you genius if you followed me all night then you know that it wasn't me nope what is your problem look i've been very civil but i will waterboard you hey hey let's go man let them go stay in the leadership i am going to ring your neck how did you get into the parks department i have to know maybe the fbi can figure it out i'm not even in the fbi stupid wow you're amazing you're going to jail for a very long time he's not going to go to jail you know it's he's a minor well we'll let the jury decide there's not going to be a jury it says then the judge will decide where he goes look he's going to do probation hey you know before i solve this case i'd like to thank you for doing all the super easy work you know the real nancy drew level stuff oh yeah did nancy drew solve a lot of murders yeah she did murder on ice recipe for murder nancy was a wonderful detective i wanted to be her when i grew up thanks charles that's helpful hey should we take odds on how fast i'll solve this case no i mean what was it with diaz's last impossible extortion case what was it six hours that's because it was 98 solved the last two percent's ours to get that's why they leave it in the milk what oh wow looking good santiago gonna foxy ma go rotten hell this is your fault thanks champ good effort i got it from here and hey you feel free to call me anytime you need me to come down here and help powder that big white ass of yours well that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me oh man this is gonna make a primo dump later on well that looks delicious what is that oh it's tom yung gong soup it reminds me of when i was in thailand rescuing victims of human trafficking oh that sounds so good i mean i'm the soup not the human trafficking oh and i think your grilled eggplant looks so good should we with these i can't believe you thought you could pretend to be real eleanor she's like a perfect ball of light and you're like a wet pile of mulch someone made a person out of wet mulch and leaves and like dead slugs and that's you you look even closer to death than usual what happened to you very scared the back of the b train certainly was i had the whole car to myself so this is you figuring out new york making the city worse for your own selfish ends is that your gym bag aren't you a human woman it's these new microfibers they keep you dry but it all has to go somewhere so today a subway car tomorrow what all in good time jack will you take something for that cough already i'd rather see if it gets better on its own do you want me to go on my antibiotic grant it's endless you'll beg for death there's a war going on out there and you're gonna have to pick a side i've always wanted to say that and i can't believe i have wasted it on you you've crossed the line lemon [Music] someone's gonna stop you new york is gonna stop you the old liz would have agreed with you but that was two days ago now i don't cross lines i just make them disappear [Music] stop the clock oh speaking of the devil ladies and gentlemen the devil dennis feinstein hang on now leslie i think everybody's going to want to hear what i have to say thank you people of pawnee i just came down here to tell you how much i appreciate your passion you've been heard loud and clear you convinced me jj's can stay i just have one more thing to say pawnee psych do you think i care about how much you love this stupid diner i bought it for a song and i'm gonna sell it for a mint and you can all just sit there pulling on your puds oh yeah give me your booze i am nourished by your hatred i should also let you know you're all trespassing on private property release the hounds what hounds the hounds is an fda-rejected cologne i've been working on that makes everything smell like wet dog make it rain [Laughter] i gotta go kill my dad let's go you

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 79,529

Rating: 4.9433718 out of 5

Keywords: NBC, The Office US, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Michael Scott, Ron Swanson, Liz Lemon, Jake Peralta, Steve Carell, Nick Offerman, Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, the good place, adam scott, trevor the good place, adam scott the good place, brooklyn nine nine wuntch, brooklyn nine nine wunch kisses holt, wuntch seduces holt, wuntch and holt, the vulture, the vulture brooklyn nine nine, jason mantzoukas, jason mantzoukas parks, jason mantzoukas parks and rec

Id: OXuNjvjhVIU

Length: 9min 52sec (592 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 01 2021