( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST
GUEST TONIGHT IS A WORLD-RENOWNED CHEF ARE A
RESTAURATEUR, AND A TELEVISION PERSONALITY. HIS NEW SHOW IS "THE F WORD." >> I'VE TRAVELED ACROSS THE
COUNTRY TO NEW YORK CITY FOR A FORMER PRODIGY OF MINE AND HER
STUDENTS. THEY'LL BE COOK ALONG A STAR
CHEF WITHOUT THEM KNOWING. FIRST STOP, THE MAKEUP CHAIR TO
BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE. LET'S GO! >> MY NAME IS MARIA. I SPENT LAST SEVEN YEARS AS AN
EXECUTIVE CHEF FOR THE GORDON RAMSEY GROUP. >> MY NAME IS JAMES, AND I WANT
TO LEARN HOW TO COOK. >> DO YOU THINK GORDON RAMSEY
WOULD BE PROUD OF MY WORK? >> HE WOULD BE. >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME
CHEF GORDON RAMSEY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THANK YOU! HELLO! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE. >> THANK YOU! >> Stephen: NOW, YOU ALREADY--
YOU ALREADY SEEM MORE CHEERFUL THAN I'M USED TO SEEING YOUR
FACE. THIS IS MORE SMILING THAN WE
NORMALLY GET ON ONE OF YOUR TV SHOWS. >> WE DO HAVE GOOD DAYS, THOUGH,
DAYS OF UTTER PERFECTION. BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY MAY
LOOK SOMEWHAT BORING SO I LIKE TO SPICE IT UP A LITTLE BIT. >> Stephen: EVERY UNHAPPY
FAMILY IS UNHAPPY IN THEIR OWN WAY AS SAYING GOES. YOU HAVE 31 RESTAURANTS,
MULTIPLE MICHELIN STARS? >> YES. >> Stephen: MULTIPLE MICHELIN
STARS. YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE ORDER OF
BRITISH EMPIRE, O.B.E. IS THAT GOOD, IS THAT FUN? >> FOR CURSING. >> Stephen: IT JUST ADDS A
LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA-- EXTRA CLASS WHEN YOU DROP THE "F"
BOMB. >> ORDER OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE,
AND THE QUEEN GAVE IT TO ME AS WELL, SO IT WAS REALLY NICE. >> Stephen: IS IT LIKE A SWORD
SITUATION? >> NO, THAT IS LIKE WHEN YOU GET
KNIGHTED. O.B. IS UNDER THAT. SO A LITTLE HANDSHAKE AND A
POLITE (BLEEP) OFF. SHE MUTTERS IT UNDER HER BREATH. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. >> YES. >> Stephen: OKAY, WHEN YOU GO
INTO A RESTAURANT, DO PEOPLE FREAK OUT BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHO
YOU ARE? >> YES. >> Stephen: AND THEY WANT TO
IMPRESS YOU. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WALK INTO
ANY OLD PLACE? >> I MEAN, FIRST OF ALL,
EVERYONE LOOKS BEHIND ME TO SEE IF THERE'S A CAMERA CREW. THEY THINK O(BLEEP). "HE'S FILMING KITCHEN NIGHTMARES
HERE. WE'RE TOO LATE. THIS PLACE IS A CONFIRMED
(BLEEP). >> Stephen: SO YOU CAN SAY
THAT KIND OF STUFF ON TV IN ENGLAND, CAN YOU? >> OH, WHAT (BLEEP) (BLEEP)? >> Stephen: JS YS JORKS ONE
MINUTE PAST 9:00. >> Stephen: AT ONE MINUTE PAST
9:00 YOU CAN SAY (BLEEP). >> OR (BLEEP). WHATEVER YOU WANT. >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER BEEN TO
THAT RESTAURANT. NO. >> THEY FIEND OUT WHAT I'M
EATING AND IF THEY'RE NOT WATCHING WHAT I'M EATING HERE
COMES THE CHEF AND HE WANTS TO SERVE THIS DISH AND THAT DISH
AND I'M GETTING SPOILED. I WANT TO BE TREATED NORMAL,
WHICH YOU CAN IMAGINE IS IMPORTANT. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT COOKING IN AMERICA? BECAUSE WE'VE GOT, LIKE,
REGIONAL DISHES THAT ARE VERY SPECIAL OVER HERE? IS THERE ANYTHING YOU SEE OVER
HERE AND SAY, "I COULDN'T POSSIBLY EAT THAT?"
ANYTHING THAT TURNS YOU OFF. >> I'M NOT A FAN OF GRITS. I FIND THEL HARD ON 2 --
>> Stephen: REALLY, IT'S A POLENTA, CORNMEAL, AND BUTTER
AND SALT AND PEPPER. >> THEY'RE RICH, HEAVY, AND
SOMETIMES A BIT GREASY. AND SANDWICHES --
>> Stephen: ENGLISH FOOD IS FILTRATION ORGANS, ISN'T IT? HOW DARE YOU JUDGE US. YOU STUFF THINGS AN ANIMAL AND
BURY IT. >> THE SANDWICHES, YOU GO TO A
DELI AND THE SANDWICH IS (BLEEP) LIKE 12 FOOT TALL. >> Stephen: THAT'S A SANDWICH. THAT'S A SANDWICH. >> NO! NO! NO! >> Stephen: THAT'S THE
SANDWICH OF A SUPERPOWER, MY FRIEND. BACK WHEN YOU HAD AN EMPIRE,
SANDWICHES WERE MUCH LARGER, YOU REALIZE. >> YOU CAN'T EAT IT. >> Stephen: WHAT. >> YOU CAN'T EAT IT. >> Stephen: TAKE YOUR TIME. YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE
WORLD. WERE YOU ALWAYS DEMANDING, EVEN
AS A KID? DID YOU DEMANTD LUNCH LADIES,
LIKE, IMPROVE THEIR SERVICE-- "PUT SOME PARSLEY ON THERE. OF THE. >> I WAS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT
THE SORT OF SKIN THAT SAT ON A STEW LIKE A LIVER AND BACON --
>> Stephen: AGAIN, KIDNEY, LIVER, ALL FILTRATION ORGANS. >> ... TO REMOVE THAT PIECE OF
SKIN. COME ON, I'M JOKING. WE HAVE AN AMAZING DESSERT. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SPOTTY DICK. IT'S A VERY DELICIOUS, STEAMED
SORT OF SPONGE WITH SORT OF MARINADE IN THERE. YOU DON'T WANT A CRISPY SKIN ON
THAT? >> Stephen: YOU DON'T, YOU
DON'T. YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE THAT
CHECKED OUT. YES. DO YOU ENCOURAGE-- HOW ABOUT
YOUR OWN CHILDREN? HOENCOURAGE YOUR OWN-- HOW MANY
CIZ HAVE YOU GOT? >> FOUR, THREE GIRLS AND A BOY. SO THEY GREW UP AS LITTLE
FOODIES. AND BACK IN THE U.K., I-- I SORT
OF BECAME A BIT OF A MENTOR FOR THEM BECAUSE I DIDN'T BUY THEM
iPADS AND X-BOX GAMES. I BOUGHT THEM TURKEY AND SHEEP
AND LAMBS TO REAR. >> Stephen: TO REAR? TO RAISE? >> TO EXPRAIZ THEN TO EAT. >> Stephen: BUT THEN THEY HAVE
TO LIKE... >> I COME HOME LATE ONE NIGHT,
AND TILLY WAS UPSTAIRS -- >> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR
YOUNGEST. >> THAT'S THE YOUNGEST. I COULD HEAR HER MESSING
AROUND-- "WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE." IT'S HER TURKEY. "WHAT YOU ARING DO?"
SHE SAID, "I DON'T WANT IT TO GO TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE TOMORROW?"
AND I SAID, "DON'T WORRY, IT WILL BE PLUCKED AND READY FOR
THE OVEN." SHE STARTED CRYING, AND SO I
BROKE HIS NECK-- NO, I DIDN'T! COME ON! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS. >> Stephen: SHE HAS TO GROW UP
SOMETIME. >> EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE IN THE
AUDIENCE HERE DEEP FRIES THEIR (BLEEP) TURKEY, RIGHT? >> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE
THAT? DO YOU ENJOY DEEP FRYING THE
TURKEY. >> I WENT AROUND TO A FRIEND OF
MINE FOR THANKSGIVING, AND HE STARTED GOING TO THE GARAGE FOR
PREPARATION OF THE LUNCH. I SAID, "WHERE ARE WE GOING?"
AND THERE'S THIS BIG VAT AND HE WHEELED THIS BIG BIRD DOWN AND
DEEP FAT FRIED THIS THING AND IT WAS (BLEEP) DISGUSTING. >> Stephen: OH, IT'S SO GOOD. >> DRY TURKEY? THERE'S A REASON WHY WE ONLY EAT
THAT BIRD ONCE A YEAR. >> Stephen: OH! >> ROAST IT. OR BUTTER, BEAUTIFULLY DONE,
BACON ON TOP. BUT NOT DEEP FRIED. FROM A CHEF POINT OF VIEW, COME
ON! SERIOUSLY. >> Stephen: I WON'T. I'M FROM THE SOUTH. EVERYTHING IS DEEP FRIED. WE DIP IT IN CONCRETE AND DEEP
FAT FRY IT. >> NO! >> Stephen: THE NEW SERIES IS
CALLED "THE F WORD." >> YES. >> Stephen: "THE F WORD." WHICH I WAS ALOUD TO SAY ON CBS
BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE. NORMALLY I CAN'T SAY "F" WORD. I CAN'T EVEN SAY THE EUPHEMISM? >> REALLY. >> Stephen: WE'RE VERY CLEAN
HERE. >> AT 11:35 AT NIGHT. >> Stephen: YES, YES. SO COULDN'T EVERY ONE OF YOUR
SHOWS BE CALLED "THE F WORD"? WHY IS THIS ONE CALLED "THE F
WORD"? >> THIS IS FUN, FOOD, AND
FAMILY. AND WE'RE LIVE --
>> Stephen: THAT WAS A PRETAPE. >> WE SORT OF GOT A LITTLE BIT
OF NAUGHTINESS GOING ON SO THIS WILL BE A COUPLE OF B.T.s
FLOATING AROUND. FAMILIES ARE COMPETING COOKING
FOR THE ENTIRE DINING ROOM. I HAVE KEVIN SPACEY NEXT WEEK,
JAMES CORDON. THEY'RE SERIOUS FOODIES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME ON. >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO. YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LIKE MORE
THAN THAT. I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PEANUT
BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND HAVE YOU YELL AT ME WHILE I DO
IT. >> SERIOUSLY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: READY? >> OKAY, RIGHT. SPREAD IS NICE AND EVENLY. AND WHY ARE YOU USING WHITE,
ANEMIC BREAD? WOULDN'T YOU TOAST THAT FIRST? >> Stephen: THERE'S NO TIME. >> YOU'RE RIPPING THE BREAD
ALREADY. >> Stephen: IT'S TEARING. >> YOU'RE TEARING THE BREAD. >> Stephen: IT'S A THICKER
PEANUT BUTTER THAN I'M USED TO. >> IT'S ALL IN THE BLOODY
MIDDLE, SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE BET. THAT'S ENOUGH. NOW THE CORNERS. WHAT ABOUT THE CORNERS. OTHERWISE THE ENDS ARE DRY. >> Stephen: WATCH THIS. >> NO, NO! CORNERS! SEE, NOW THAT-- THAT LOOKS A
MESS. >> Stephen: I CUT THE CORNERS
OFF. LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THAT. >> STEPHEN-- RIGHT. RIGHT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) RIGHT. OKAY. MAY I? >> Stephen: SURE. >> PLEASE, THAT LOOKS LIKE A
PILE OF (BLEEP). ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S $2 MILLION. >> IT'S A HELICOPTER. >> Stephen: IN THE WORDS OF A
GREAT MAN, THAT'S A (BLEEP) DISASTER. "THE F WORD" PREMIERS NEXT
WEDNESDAY ON FOX. GORDON RAMSEY EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAVID
SEDARIS.
