George Santos Faces Expulsion & Koch Brothers Endorse Nikki Haley | The Daily Show

let's begin with our friend George Santos the its Pat of Congress I'm sorry but what is he is he a man a woman Asian Latino Latina several children stacked on top of each other an old woman from the future but one thing we know for sure he'll be a congressman for at least a few more hours the clock is now ticking on the brief tumultuous Congressional career of New York Republican George Santos the house could vote as early as tomorrow on whether to expel the embattled Republican after an investigation found evidence of flagrant ethics violations but he's not going down quietly I have Co a colleagues who are more worried about getting drunk every night with the next lobbyist that they're going to screw and pretend like none of us know what's going on happens every single week where are the ethics investigations and that within the ranks of the United States Congress there's felons Galore there's people with all sorts of shyy backgrounds and all of a sudden George Santos is the Mary Magdalene of United States Congress yes the Mary Magdalene of Congress this is just like George Santos you know which biblical sinner I am the hot one but let's make one thing very clear if any Republican is Mary Magdalene it's Ronda santis I mean with those hooker boots come on he's clearly working the streets at night he's like I'll suck your dick if you teach me how to smile [Applause] normal okay where was I uh yeah George Santos he's about to be just the sixth person in history to get thrown out of Congress and he thinks it's unfair because everyone else is corrupt too which yeah definitely we know the government is corrupt and all these guys are doing the the same thing you do George the difference is they're doing it way better than you it's so easy to figure out your crimes it's not even fun it's like doing an escape room in a [Laughter] gazebo and the thing is the thing is I do believe you George I do believe that congressmen are getting drunk sleeping with lobbyists and profiting as much as possible at the expense of the people we all know that already what we don't don't know are the specifics tell us who what where which orifice we need you George snitch snitch my sweater vested friend in fact we'll make a deal right we'll make a deal with you right now you can stay in congress if you're our inside guy you know our little Congressional TMZ I'll even move to your District to vote for you where where is his District it's Long Island okay I will tell people to move to your district and just by the way if you want to survive this explosion vote maybe try just try to take one photo where you don't look like you were caught while committing a crime this little guy he looks like he's rifling through Nancy P's purse while she's in the bathroom or like he's saying don't mind me just duct tape and a knife under this chair for no reason that's the look I give when when someone in the second floor window sees me peeing in an alley that's the kind of photo they tape up next to the Sephora register like this guy can't back come back he keeps licking the testers but let's move on to some big news out of the 2024 election our 2024 lead come on guys cu the music you know I love the election thank you it's like Elvis C sell it to me hold on come on Tapper is this really what news is now are you just trying to be relatable I don't want relatable I want reliable if I want relatable I'll go on Tik Tock who gets a guy that's like what's up fam I'm GNA give you the load down on why B Bin Laden is a [Music] mil let's try again with someone else because this is big news it looks like some of America's most influential billionaire election meddlers have just made a brand new purchase big news today in the 2024 presidential election Nikki Haley picked up the endorsement of the political action Network founded by the billionaire Koch brothers in the Republican primary the influential group is launching a multi-million dollar ad campaign this week in all early voting States and this gives the former South Carolina governor and un Ambassador a major boost less than seven weeks before the Iowa caucuses oh Nikki Haley shattering the glass ceiling of dark money you go girl seriously this is a big gi for her with the backing of the coke neck workor she could go from losing to Trump and to santis to just losing to Trump this is like giving someone a step stool to install a light bulb I mean yeah you're closer but you're still going to need like three Polish people what do you want guys I got one more day here okay W let's do more jokes to get mad about and don't get me wrong I'm glad that a gross old billionaire is giving money to a woman and it's not to on his chest cuz that that feels like progress but Nikki Haley are you picturing it is it is it steaming in your mind it's it's hot poop and it's a very cold chip more okay Nikki Hy she's this is she's literally down 50 points to Donald Trump she has less chance of being president than Hillary Clinton yeah I know it's sad should have gone to Wisconsin Hillary it's a direct flight you could have gone look Republicans voters have been very clear they want Donald Trump and Democratic voters have been very not clear they're just like I don't know man uh do you know a guy I don't know maybe someone young you know someone 78 79 but Trump is going to be the Republican nominee so it doesn't matter how much money billionaires spend propping up other candidates it's all a waste of money I almost feel bad for these guys they're so used to being able to buy the president and this time they're sitting on their yacht going what's wrong with our money button it's not working I think it's stuck Charles did you splooge on the money button again can you believe we can say splooge and the crazy thing is I actually wish it would work this time I wish they could buy the election listen in a perfect world billionaires wouldn't influ uence elections but we're clearly not in a perfect world because Donald Trump is winning so billionaires get your act together and buy this election buy this election buy this election by this election oh my gosh you guys are a bunch of [Applause] sheep and finally in business news bye-bye baby is reopening stores again after going bankrupt earlier this year and when I heard this news at first I got very excited because I heard bye-bye baby is back and I thought for a second that man abortion was legal [Applause] again but unfortunately it's just a store so for more on the Revival of bye-bye baby let's go to live now to Grace kenid now Grace Grace this is great news for young parents like me oh is it how about you think think of someone besides yourself for once in your goddamn life like I don't know someone who had the genius idea of moving into a bye-bye baby 3 months ago and now has nowhere to go Grace have you been living in an abandoned bye-bye baby not initially at first I was just hired to come in and clean out the rat traps but once I got in here I realized it's the perfect house it's close to work it's spacious and baby wipes are basically the same thing as shower in plus there's so many squeezy apples saces and mushed carrots I may never have to chew food again Grace Grace sweetie put that down put that it's not snack time but I'm hungry and now that the store is coming back what am I going to do I don't know you could get an apartment like an adult who's not a baby get an apartment why America is littered with giant carcasses of retail chains that were bled dry by PR Equity I should get to live here before the raccoons do plus have you seen the housing market low inventory Skyhigh interest rates and once you move in there's all kinds of sharp corners and exposed Outlets it's scary I'm sorry Grace but you you had to know you couldn't live in a store forever it's not just my house it's also my income I have a very successful only fans accounts just from living here you have no no idea how many people will pay an adult woman to do tummy time this nation has problems yeah it it certainly does so so how are you going to stop bye-bye baby from moving back in luckily if there's one thing I learned it's that if I shut my eyes the problem will disappear no Grace Grace you have object permanence no I don't no I don't you're wrong you're wrong where'd you go where' you go where' you go Grace we're gonna talk about this later Grace Grace cool inid [Music] everybody

Channel: The Daily Show

Views: 714,106

Keywords: the daily show, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, daily show, news, politics, George Santos, Michelle Wolf, Congress, jake tapper, Buy Buy Baby, Kuhlenschmidt, Grace Kuhlenschmidt

Id: s9HT6aSstDs

Length: 10min 43sec (643 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 30 2023