GarfieldEats, a normal website in normal capitalism.

a lot of the time I try to make videos that are very thought-provoking and have a lot of interesting things to say and require a lot of research and diligence on my behalf I didn't do that this time sometimes people who are horny for capitalism like to tell me that capitalism drives innovation thanks to the free market good ideas naturally rise to the surface because good ideas are naturally profitable and profitable ideas are naturally good a company might seem like it's doing evil things in the world or causing a lot of harm but it's only able to do that because people want its goods and/or services and therefore it's doing a lot of good things as well so who's the judge take for example a company like uber uber is a very profitable company but also like crazy evil they under pay their drivers they don't keep their customers safe they kill public transit in major urban centers making it harder for low-income people to get around but here's the thing commies if you don't like uber ok just build your own just go get a bunch of startup capital and start your own over and make a better one that's better and it'll out-compete the old uber on the free market because that is how things work and if uber stops innovating and rests on their laurels they're gonna get out competed by somebody better than them which is why they have to introduce lots of cool new features like uber eats where you don't have to get off your butt to get fast food anymore now a poor person can deliver it for you for less than minimum wage that's called progress now uber eighths is pretty convenient but there's room for improvement there's room for innovation I mean haven't you ever asked yourself how come when I open up overeats it just gives me normal food and I can't get a pizza shaped like Garfield and I know what you're thinking no I've never asked myself that what the fuck are you talking about thought slime have you lost your fucking mind enter Garfield eats really really Garfield eats is a website and app where you can order Garfield pizzas Garfield is a cartoon cat famous for his love of Pete pizza so naturally the next step in that brand was to create an app that lets you order pizzas shaped like Garfield of course let's hear what they have to say for themselves Garfield eats inspired by the 1980s most famous hungry orange cat that lives with us for more than 40 years becoming a global pop culture with over 200 million comic-book sold in 80 countries and 40 languages Garfield eats is a real website on the real internet where you can order garfield pizza or lasagna naturally or maybe you're not in the mood for those things maybe you want a gar fatty no ha got you thought slime this mean was obviously too dank for you this is this is viral marketing for lasagna cat or some shit nope it's real let's hear it from creator of Garfield Jim Davis himself it's an easy and entertaining way to get delicious food in a hurry and be entertained at the same time Nathan calls it an inner gauging app entertaining and engaging it's the world's first enter gauging mobile app for the restaurant business now users can watch Garfield cartoons and even play an augmented reality while waiting for get this the world's only Garfield shaped pizza to be delivered they've even given a nod to Garfield's other favorite coffee offering agar fettino made with 100% Arabica coffee and other flavorful ingredients since 40 years no one has ever come to me to create a Garfield shaped pizza and quick mobile app restaurant chain called Garfield Leeds that's shocking to me they're shocking to me that say 30 years ago in the year of our Lord in 1988 nobody thought you know we got to make a Garfield quick mobile restaurant called Garfield eats where people can order Garfield pizzas on their cell phone I mean it's a slam-dunk idea it's not asinine at all I'm not just gonna make fun of the broken English on this website the whole time it is made for people in Dubai because of course it is and you know it's fun to make fun of the broken English but let's not lose sight of the fact that literally everything on this website is cuckoo-bananas nonsense let me introduce you to a new business term you might not have heard about it's called inter gauging it's something that is both entertaining and engaging you know and it's good to have a portmanteau for those two words because that way it saves time and you don't have to explain what it means every single time you use it on your website let's read some of the blurbs on the homepage for Garfield eats about inter Gage meant that's right I said some of there's multiple with Garfield eats you can watch play order read collect redeem track manage chat share and much more with this all-in-one mobile app we call it inter gauging entertaining and engaging a marketing technology created by Nathan Missouri enter gage mint enter gage Minh tis an engaging mobile app powered by entertainment features it is a UI user interface which allows users to engage will simultaneously being entertained Garfield eats app enables you to watch play or to read collect redeem track manage chat share and much more all in one app we call it enter gauging around this point if you are still watching the video for some reason then you're probably asking yourself is is this dipshit gonna talk about the Garfield app this whole video and of course I am because it's the best thing that's ever happened to me or anyone and I think the slam is just a dedicated Garfield eats channel from now on because this is never gonna stop being funny to me I discovered Garfield eats advertised in the streets of Toronto this is the ad that I saw you might notice that it doesn't specify what the product is or a website I could go to or clarify anything about what Garfield eats is or or where I could learn more I want you to imagine walking across this ad in the wild just Garfield pointing out some dude and saying hey it's that guy that made my face into a pizza what what does that mean Garfield what could that possibly mean did he kill you and process your carcass into a pizza kind of feel what's happening Garfield explain yourself Garfield it's not important that you know the name of the product or where you could go to download the app what's important is that you're introduced to the founder Nathan Masri who is very proud of his involvement in this not at all absurd project according to his LinkedIn account which he actually put on the Garfield eats website Nathan is the co-founder and CEO which of course stands for chief inter gauge officer of Garfield eats now I don't know much about corporate hierarchies I'm not much of a businessman myself but I think that puts him below the company's chairman Garfield there is not a single decision on this entire website or app available right now on Google Play or iTunes that I understand even a little bit like take for example the slogan of the website which is literally spoken to you every single time you open the website or app by gar pho himself love me feed me don't leave me one word of that slogan corresponds to what your product does feed and it still gets it wrong because you don't feed Garfield Garfield feeds you so why the bizarre slogan that's really needy and are soulless love me feed me don't leave me and I think it's a human condition we loved effect and not left alone and so we came up with a Garfield she heats up yeah okay now I get it you're really making a profound statement on the human condition with your Garfield Pizza app but look anyone can make an app where you order pizza from Garfield how we going to keep the kids entertained with their snapchats and their fortnight's what are we gonna do to keep them enter gauged okay what kids like well obviously since your app is Garfield themed you're gonna want to get the Garfield cartoon from 20 years ago Garfield and friends and put that available for purchase on your app because people are gonna pay money to buy your Garfield currency to buy episodes of a 20 year old Garfield cartoon when they're not buying Garfield pizzas you know what else kids like video games how about we put like a Garfield themed video game in our Garfield Pizza app it can be exactly like fruit ninja except not as good and you know what you know what else is really popular with the kids right now and not three years ago Pokemon go so what we'll do is we'll make it an AR game how does that work I don't know we'll just have Garfield floating in front of your camera and throwing food at you for you to tap on now I wanted to get footage of myself playing this game but I couldn't because it just crashes my phone so this is footage from the official web site you'll notice that in their promotional material they just took that at their desk because they couldn't be bothered to like find an interesting place to play their a our game hey know what you're thinking is there microtransactions of course there is you can buy little hats for Garfield using your Garfield currency Garf bucks you know what else the kids like they like Instagram why don't we put Instagram in our Garfield Pizza app and like we you know we can have little Garfield stickers that you can put on your pictures and people will come in and they'll check their feed for the Garfield photos so they can tell their Garfield eats story hey how many stickers do we need for that I don't know three that ought to do it but it's not all fun and games you know when you have a company as big and powerful as Garfield eats you have to have a serious conversation about your social and environmental mental responsibilities that's why the team at Garfield eats invented Garfield eats for humanity their their corporate social responsibility program I just gonna read from their website because I could not possibly make fun of it in a way that is funnier than the way that they just talked about it basically got a Garfield every time so basically Garfield wants to provide everybody with the four laws food health shelter and love and I don't know about you but there's definitely at least one of those things is something I would expect from a food delivery app law number one food Garfield eats collaborates with food camps labor medical refugee or organizes our own camp in the local community for the homeless refugees or the poor our menu ranges from fun Garfield shaped pizzas lasagnas and skinny fries made of 100% natural ingredients straight from the farm log number two health you are what you eat education and development start in the classroom Garfield eats sponsors one class at a time by offering new healthy tips and enlightenment to the children teachers and parents who may not know about the food industry and conspiracies the founder Nathan Missouri an accredited nutritionist and Garfield mascot will visit your classroom personally and engage in cool activities and food tasting for all ages from grade one to twelve and I know for one if I want to get information about nutrition it's gotta be from the guy who sells pizza for a living because he's gonna have my health in mind law number three shelter Garfield's blankets and pillows Garfield knows the feeling of being cold and if the cat has a blue blanket and pillow then so should a human being in need wait wait you mean Garfield knows the feeling of being cold everybody knows the feeling of being cold are you implying that Garfield used to be homeless Garfield eats provides Garfield branded pillows and blankets for individuals and chill living under unfortunate circumstances our aim is to ensure appropriate shelter conditions to stay warm and have a good night's sleep hey Garfield eats a blanket and pillow are not shelter and they alone are not gonna keep someone warm outside you think is's law number four love sponsor a birthday it is about the power of love Garfield has received millions of hearts around the world and now is your turn to be loved Garfield eats sponsors the child's birthday living under unfortunate circumstances or intensive medical care and perhaps we can enhance a child's emotional well-being with a Garfield mascot Garfield eats pizza Garfield's comic book coloring box Garfield t-shirt and much more look I know I've made fun of this program a lot but I am actually really touched that they found a way to take a child who's suffering under unfortunate circumstances and to turn that into a source of really heartwarming marketing for their awful brand but you got to think about the environment you guys think about the environment Garfield eats and don't worry they did for example one of the things that they're very proud of is their Reeboks program where you can take the boxes that their food comes in and use it for other things like for example you can see there's a lasagna box that they deliver lasagna in and what you can do with that is you can turn it into a tissue box so there's no garbage you know so all this is real easy you just take your lasagna box and you clean it out get all the little is on you out of there and then you're gonna want to take the tissues and take them out of the box throw that box away and then put your tissues into this box gets zero waste that that way there's no garbage does that's good that okay I gotta say it Garfield eats I was I was really worried about the garbage were gonna create from all the people that are definitely gonna have your lasagna delivered to them I love this awful website it is perhaps unintentionally the greatest work of anti-capitalist satire ever created the next time someone tells you that capitalism inspires innovation I want you to think about Garfield leads because that is the type of thing that capitalism makes you see necessity inspires innovation people invented the calculator because they needed to do math quickly people invented the refrigerator because they needed to store their food longer people invented Garfield eats because they thought it would be profitable or they thought that they could convince a bunch of suckers that it would be profitable and profit off of that nobody needs it nobody wants it nobody would even think to ask for it and nobody is going to use it except maybe as a joke but a lot of people spent their time money and energy making it this incredibly elaborate and confusing waste of time for everyone involved it only exists because some con artists convinced a bunch of old dinosaurs with more money than sense that they could profit off of technologies that have nothing to do with each other let alone their IP Nathan ma zouri if you're watching this I want you to know that I respect the ever-loving shit out of you not because of the things that you've done or the terrible thing that you built which to be clear is both a bad idea and a bad execution of that idea no I respect that you convinced people that they needed this you convince people that this was a good idea and that this would bring some value to the world I've made a YouTube channel where I try to make fun of capitalism with absurdist jokes but you managed to convince a bunch of capitalists to fork over a bunch of cash to make fun of themselves it's genius unless do you think he's not in on the grift let's let's take a reading from this article that he wrote I have spent two years studying the fast shifting app economy and mobile world by starting to read how to build a billion-dollar app by author George burkowski the mastermind behind the successful tax hailing app hallo that's right ladies and germs he's qualified to make this website because he read a book or you know started to does the world need another pizza burger or chicken restaurant the answer was logically no the industry is cluttered with non innovative unoriginal mundane and copycat brands that can't fool the consumer as once we thought back in the 90s that the consumer is smart and stupid so I love that here he's just saying it's it's getting too hard to trick people with copycat bullshit you can't just make a restaurant as a copycat brand and trick people with it no you've got a copy apps that's the future that's how you trick people now probably some of you are gonna criticize me for providing a bunch of free advertising for this malarkey but I'm not really worried about that and here's why there is nothing anyone could do to convince anyone to buy enough of this bullshit to make this business profitable it just it's such a bad idea that it that it's impossible to advertise that being said paws Inc if you guys are watching I have a business pitch for you it's called Garfield Fox it's the world's first enter gaging Garfield dating app it's gonna be basically Garfield meets tinder and also it's an app so it can like it can also do Shazam on there you're gonna have that and that's sixty percent of users surveyed said that they use Shazam and you obviously we're gonna enter Gage users with Garfield themed pornography and I think I could get I think I could get a Minimum Viable Product of this app ready by q2 2020 with a cash injection of just a half a million dollars please get in touch with me and I'll make that for you I highly encourage you to go to the Garfield leads website and just browse around and and see the the madness for yourself because it is a rabbit hole I could not possibly show you all of the crazy stuff on this website you just have to see it to believe it I've been thought slime love me feed me don't leave me thanks for watching my video I hope you found it enter gauging the this I know that this was a bit weird video I'm in school so it's good it's hard to get content made and I wanted to do something silly so that's this hey go to my patreon at patreon.com slash thought slime and give me some money if you want to there's cool stuff you can get if you give me money but it's not necessary but I would appreciate it because then I can pay to buy things hey also click like and subscribe those are the things I need people to do to be successful on YouTube and I definitely deserve to be successful on YouTube because I just spent I don't know 20 minutes talking about Garfield what was I doing just now this is all a waste of everybody's time hey don't forget to click the bell that it'll tell you whatever it does I'm thought slime this is my youtube channel did you know I have other videos you can watch click on one of those I don't know if all if are all the paper all the patrons done is can I stop talking when do I get to stop talking because I feel like I've been talking for a long time and I would very much like to not have to talk anymore have a very Garfield day my little Garfield's and no DS and normals and such I guess you could say I'm having a normal one 25,000 people subscribe to me on youtube for this for this

Channel: Thought Slime

Views: 322,294

Keywords:

Id: Jc2HrvmBOH4

Length: 22min 0sec (1320 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 15 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/NedLuddEsq]

I'm in fucking stitches. I think dying of laughter right now would be easier than living under capitalism.

[u/FibreglassFlags]

"Love me. Feed me. Don't leave me."

A fitting slogan for a modern-day monstrosity.

[u/WhenLifeSeemsBanal]

I have been shaken to my very core. What timeline are we on?

[u/[deleted]]

i refuse to believe this entire company isn't actually a genius piece of performance art.

[u/MrRadar]

That pun at the very end of the credits was the absolute worst. I love it.

[u/[deleted]]

Hmmm.

[u/randostoner]

The hell am I watching?

[u/[deleted]]

Nothing to see here people, just a normal day under very normal capitalism.

[u/tuolbridge]

NATHEN MAZRI IS NATHAN FIELDER AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE THIS HAS TO BE A NATHAN FOR YOU BIT