Game Grumps Mini Comp 14

oh my god oh god the whole club is looking at her because she is a terrifying brain monster look man you got to give her a chance yeah you know what just talk to her yeah i mean come on have a couple beers talk to her she might not have a mouth or a way to ingest any of those liquids got the floppy feet oh that one's naked and awesome hot i am way into this bloodborne stuff right here yeah rule 34 already exists in the game dude gross please never i beg you don't even ask me twice about that i'm gonna give away go back for a second just the way that thing's lagged like what you see boys am i like one of your friends girls draw me like one of your french brains like if someone says to you oh i'm so wet it means a very different thing as an adult than it does when you're a kid you're like no no no as opposed to when you're an adult and you're like i'll get you a tab uh a little little baby dan nice little baby damn yeah yeah [ __ ] 22 year old dan too that's a late bloomer a couple of my friends uh like to um they have uh calendars with uh bikini supermodels on them and they like to put [ __ ] googly eyes and mustaches on them to amazing results uh kevin larry barry someone put them up put a couple pictures up all right larry oh yeah how's your test oh yeah durability that looks really good laytale let's see what i just got texted another picture of a supermodel put it up blarvin it looks like um like a three musketeer yeah that's that's a twisty mustache the fact that the googly eyes they got him to look at different directions really really just like puts it over the top for me that's fantastic so you know i think our paths were destined to cross i've said that to a couple girls in a bar you know what i'm saying yes i wouldn't put too much stock is that a mirror in your pants because i can see myself in your pants oh my god aaron amazingly done thanks i think i i think i might have brought pick-up lines to a new level yeah that a keg in your pants because i'd like to tap that ass yes that was nice it wasn't nice that was nice had you never heard that before yo your legs are the word now let's go upstairs and spread the word come on it's so dumb pursued by sausages and one egg that looks like a [ __ ] nightmare god damn it he's so much scarier than the sausages he really is i think it's the dainty legs it is it's it's not anything else about him [ __ ] we just uh lock up on you yeah you son of a [ __ ] let's try it again we're keeping all this in you get this you get to see all the trials and tribulations oh no god damn it did we just [ __ ] reset no did we just do a two-minute episode of burger time i mean yeah i did it well that's so content yeah i love it look at it it's so good let's try this again all right all right here we go here we go burger time is working bang did you see that [ __ ] yeah got it thank you to ruben clayford and the espositos for sending us this shitty [ __ ] up copy of burgers [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] you see that [ __ ] i'm channing tatum all up in this [ __ ] i saw it i saw that all right all right give me give me your top five top five dudes that i would [ __ ] yeah gacked what he's a japanese j-rock star oh i thought it was the acrostic initials of the five guys like you've already thought of this uh gary anderson that's the that's the gacked five the cat okay so gak jason mamoa definitely yeah i only say definitely because you've said that before oh okay yeah yeah um oh [ __ ] now i gotta think hard well bradley cooper well i don't think he's top five oh okay i think he's maybe top 20 i don't know jeez you got a top 20. wow all right he probably squeaked in the top 200 yeah like the billboard charts top five [ __ ] dude i always think like god what if i had to choose the five male celebrities that i'd want to have sex with how am i gonna narrow it down who the [ __ ] else would i let put their penis inside oh my god and you're always the bottom you're always the bottom in your fantasies it's hysterical that's what you know it's like it's it's not like oh man that's that's you know i want him to have the power over me because that's what i'm like wait wait all right wait wait okay hold that thought oh you know who is definitely up there top five omg omg i don't know i don't know which one uh-huh killian murphy i don't know who that is he was the scarecrow in the first batman christopher oh that's a handsome dude yeah yeah totally let him [ __ ] me like 100 all the way that's hilarious sticking mouth [Laughter] [Music] oh man good for him i'm sure he'd be thrilled to know that there you go jason momoa yeah killian murphy i mean i don't know what gak looks like but the the other two their characters are awesome [ __ ] call drogo and the scarecrow pre-avengers chris evans i don't know who he is he's captain america oh okay okay what happened in adventures i don't know there's something about it that i was like yeah i don't want that dick he was awesome in sunshine which also had killian murphy so i would get double teamed if i was watching if i was on the set of sunshine well you know what fine i won't do it i'll sell them back to the store so jesus for twice as much money you just like make a profit well that'd be awesome it's like k-packs you just we just keep selling each other [ __ ] at a better price what do you mean i sold [ __ ] back to the company that sold it to me for like three times the price what what was that i don't know if i ever told this story at gabriel you might as well this is one of my darkest times in u.s history oh [ __ ] i i was very poor uh-huh so here's the deal toys r us was selling elite beat agents on sale elite beat elite beat agents i don't know what those are it's a nintendo ds game oh okay um it was selling that on sale for seven dollars because they had like a billion of them so i bought a bunch of them okay and walmart was still selling them for thirty dollars a piece right walmart has a very lenient return policy especially for walmarts in very nice areas so if you go in with three items at a time uh because it has to be under a hundred dollars right you can just be like i bought these and i don't want them wow you have the receipt and it's like no and they're like well all right but it has to be a nice walmart it can't be like in a really bad neighborhood okay they'll just give you money wow yeah but well i can't believe you take advantage of a totally innocent enormous corporation like that i was very i was in a really shitty place i didn't make it like any money and i was like this is this is i bought food you [ __ ] that's what i did i bought food so i could live unbelievable yeah i swear to god if walmart goes out of business in the next 10 to 15 years i'm blaming you [ __ ] scamming about 100 i appreciate the because i i still like feel really like you should go over to their house and just be like mr and mrs mart like i was 18. yeah i'll i'll stand next to you like the angry parent like you know what you did apologize i'm trying to think if i ever did stuff like that did you ever kill a man yes all right kevin go ahead and edit that so it says yes yes god damn it stepped on that switch it was so satisfying it was like popping a zit that is gross or one of those could have done without the hard t on that [Music] how else are you gonna say hey nice tip [Music] [Laughter] tits is such a funny word to me is it it always has been yeah it is pretty it makes me giggle oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] whoa who's sweeping you along right on your tits see that's it's so like not sexy not flattering yes like tits yeah let me see your tit well that's the thing like has the word tits ever been like uttered when the sentence was not referring to like show them to me show me your tips looks like you might have a little cancer in your tits i got a mammogram on my tits today [Music] [Laughter] that is amazing i wish all doctors did that do you want to want a chicken do you want a chicken leg or the tit you're just a gynecologist is like all right i'm just gonna check your cooter i'm glad that's a thing that was remembered oh my god it looks like she settled down probably because she's reunited with her cat let's steal the calf and the pendant now we have the pot and the money natocha i don't think we're going to get away with this look look he's unbirthing himself it's all black the miracle of nature you think it looks strange whales are mammals too it's how they nurse their young mama's like oh god oh don't stop [ __ ] gross excuse me excuse me in the process of not giving away don't care they're all like what's that wait a second am i is this a parallel okay maybe she was born with it and then i was like maybe it was maybelline [Laughter] i forgot that was the slogan yeah she's a head turner as in she turns heads or when she turns her head it's like wow you know what i mean oh yeah no i know aaron yeah for our honeymoon take me to pee pee poo poo town one way take it please i never want to leave don't you know how expensive it is to get a hotel in pee pee poopoo town i thought you left me i don't love you as much as it takes for us to buy a house i could get a whole new mercedes with the amount of money you would take they're gonna pay people down this poop joke took a very very serious turn i'm leaving you i did a lot of craft macaroni and ramen noodles in my 20s oh bro i had a super mac phase a mac and cheese yeah a mac and cheese phase yeah me too it lasted from the ages of 12 to 23. it lasted from when i was born to right now yeah to almost eight minutes ago who does not love a good mac and cheese everybody loves mac and cheese chicken alfredo mac and cheese cooking lasagna mac and cheese with some meat in it it's all mac and cheese dude rigatoni well that's just a noodle but if you put cheese on it then it becomes mac and cheese do you see where i'm going with this hey billy what was your favorite game grumps episode i really like the one where we talked about macaroni for a long time [Laughter] hey billy you going in for your surgery today yeah i hope it goes well my brain ain't so good right now he talked about rigatoni for a long time they were nominated for a streamy i hope i can see color again soon oh poor billy wow oh billy he'll be fun i won't be he's good he's got a he's got a good brother like three years older than him billy we're just gonna freeze you until they can figure out the cure for 58 bash wounds to the head self-inflicted bachelors after watching episode 8 of sonic adventure my friend and i were in ah cvs no a kentucky fried chicken god it's been a while i can't remember the story clearly but we were in a uh a fast food restaurant and uh this woman this large woman was it was a bit of a ghetto restaurant if you catch my drift and uh there was a huge woman ordering like two giant like family meals like enough food for eight people and the little girl behind the counter was like is this for here to go and the giant woman was like bescuse me you think i can eat all this by myself and the girl behind the counter was like [ __ ] i don't know your life okay oh [ __ ] bow guy gets me every time that's a that was from same neighborhood a woman walked into a cvs i believe she was a peruser of crack because she had like the wig and everything like that and she just came in and yelled like where to put the products at and the person behind the counter was like um aisle eight and she was like okay where the [ __ ] products at it is amazing yo i'm talking about my cat whiskers i ain't talking about my vagina yo yo i'm three prisoners on a truck yo one of the things i like to do is [ __ ] there you go yeah another thing i like to do is eat pretzels really neither here nor there i just thought i'd like to list my favorite things after eating pretzels pretzels get me aroused my name is danny's sex looking at my rhymes are pretty tight i look i'm white [Laughter] i looked up online if pretzels were an aphrodisiac a red didn't find anything [Laughter] went on okay cupid got zero messages updated my profile got zero messages have you ever met someone who's so crazy or like i can't believe that you don't like actually like physically suffer from being so [ __ ] crazy all the time i think they do they just don't realize it maybe like just the people around them are constantly like wow but not even that just that like their body doesn't reject their own [ __ ] bat [ __ ] craziness like a [ __ ] organ transplant yeah her body's rejecting the brain she's [ __ ] looney tunes i like to imagine like you go inside a normal person's brain and it's just like what should i have for dinner tonight right oh uh well i have this thing to work on so maybe i'll i'll i'll do that instead right oh i i think this girl is very nice maybe i should ask her but i'm kind of nervous and then you like like smash cut to like a girl like that and she's just like [Music] oh yeah no question he [Laughter] and then his face like gets rings around it you know oh absolutely look at the [ __ ] like hey now presenting i did break up with a girl one time and in my head like i i didn't it's hard to explain but she she was just she was nuts and like um you know how sometimes like you don't realize a person is crazy because you care about them and then they do like the one thing where you're like oh [ __ ] yeah they're crazy what did she do i i can't even remember it was something she said it was like something like racist or awful that she said and i just was like that's all folks i mean my god dan what's up aaron i've got a question for you go ahead all right so if you just like enjoy sucking penis yeah like it does nothing for you sexually like it's it's not even within the realm of your thinking okay that you would get aroused like it's impossible for you to pop a boner from sucking on a dude's dick you just like it you just like the sensation you know it's like oh there's a decent taste it's like i don't know there's something like something like i don't know like like sucking on a teat you know it's very like popsicle or something you know you just like sucking on penis does that make you gay well go to nancy drew everybody we are here at her desk answer the question dan nancy drew is a mystery solver and in the vein of mystery solving i want you to answer my mystery of if it is gay or not to suck a penis and enjoy it but not be sexually aroused i don't mean to change the subject all right aaron it's time for your ultimate decision i don't know man blue or yellow icons well yellow is like warm just push a button blue is really cool and like there's already so much blue on the screen right now so i feel like yellow might be better do it oh god no dan i don't know you're killing me i'm gonna go with ah eeny meeny miny moe catch a tiger by his toe if he hollers let him go my mother said to pick the very best one and you are definitely the not not not not not at all but maybe you are the right my mother said again after that that she was busy and needed some spaghetti so i made her some and she was like maybe if i make some lemonade i'll be able to make a decision a little bit more better than i would if i didn't have some lemonade i'm gonna pick you up and throw you out the [ __ ] window my blood sugar is really low so it's hard to make decisions yellow oh you already know he's invited me his parents aren't home and he's inviting me over he's episcopalian though we're gonna [Laughter] i can't speak to the accuracy of that statement i just love how [ __ ] straightforward his parents aren't home and he invited me over i can't wait to get [ __ ] she comes over and he's like lemon squares and she's like oh yeah i'm gonna just on you you you give you yeah but i'm just on you cause we're gonna fight with the dicks and i'm gonna smack my dick against yours then i'm gonna jizz all over your tummy cause that's where our dicks are i'd i wish you had turned to me and you'd been like uh could you not ruin this for me that's really [ __ ] up song to sing yeah could you not [ __ ] it please you watch this dude you do smell terrible i told you oh my god i told you before the before this uh we started recording these episodes aaron was like whoa i stink i was like it's probably not all that bad but like you just moved like a quarter of an inch to the left i guess your arms raised ever so slightly and i'm ready to die no i've been [ __ ] sitting in it for like the whole day dude that's amazing i'm like do not shower every day no i do here's what happened okay we [ __ ] i i that should never be your answer to it do you shower every day see see what happened was [Laughter] okay go ahead okay what happened was i got up i worked out i showered all right okay but i was very tired today so i went back to sleep okay so automatically that's one layer of like gross resting so then i got up i didn't have time to get to take another shower so i came to work which was fine i didn't really stink that bad i put deodorant on i'm fine i came into work our air conditioner was broken wow so i had to [ __ ] stressfully deal with that [ __ ] while it's like 85 degrees it's like 100 degrees out i forgot i forgot about that so god that was today and then and then the fire alarm went off yeah so we had to go outside where it's even [ __ ] hotter yeah just stand in the sun and i'm just sweating my balls off yeah and then we come in and i have to [ __ ] make phone calls and do all this meeting [ __ ] other athletic [ __ ] well i'm just stressed out is what i'm saying oh my god and then [ __ ] i'm like all right whatever dial the phone are you kidding me i'm exhausted so i'm like all right [ __ ] it we can't because we're supposed to record today right but the air conditioners are not working the [ __ ] fire alarm's going off non-stop right so we're like forget it so i go home uh i'm going home with chris cause he's like [ __ ] this it's hot and the fire alarm's going on right that's what happened so we get home and his desk arrived from amazon so i'm like okay so i had to carry these two [ __ ] giant boxes with glass they weigh like 50 pounds up two flights of stairs oh [ __ ] yeah and then and then [ __ ] i'm like all right i'm done today and then i was gonna take a shower and then i get a text from you saying the ac is working again right and the alarm's not off so i'm like oh [ __ ] and then you were like oh it's coming at four or whatever right and i'm like great that gives me an hour i can shower and do some stuff and then i have this woman who's redecorating a room in my house right and she and she needs to meet with me for like 30 minutes oh and i'm like oh [ __ ] i gotta get out of here so i leave and i'm already [ __ ] stinky as [ __ ] and then this is the most long-winded you just say i'm sorry i smell i don't care but i'm already so that's when i walked in and i'm already stinky as [ __ ] and i said man i'm stinky as [ __ ] right and then when we record we have to turn the air conditioner off because it's [ __ ] loud right it makes noise so it gets hot in here yeah and i'm extra sweaty and then i'm [ __ ] playing sonic in the black [ __ ] night which means you're shaking the the wiimote endlessly and getting angry so i'm just i'm just covered in god i'm straight garbage yeah a dump smells better than i do god wow i have like seven people sweat on me dude that was like an eight minute explanation for why you smell so terrible but you know what you smell the kind of way that requires eight minutes of breakfast like he's just rancid dude it's like a video game yeah like you you get that first level of smell you're like level one yeah where it's kind of like oh haha i stink you're like your best friend he's like oh man and it's like funny but then there's level two where you like actually sting and that's when people will notice but not say anything and then there's level three where people will notice and totally say something and you [ __ ] smell it every so often from your armpits and you're like oh what is that and you're like oh [ __ ] it's you level four is when it completely evolves into something 100 not at all what it was before it's a completely different sense i don't think i've ever hit level four except when i was like in the hospital level five whoa is when your dick stench is the smell of your body that can't be and you just smell it all the time no that can't be real no it's real i've you've never been around people where you're just close proximity they're not doing anything and you're just like ow it smells like dick go go go go go i think i can get you after this they want your food yeah legs as food oh yeah good job kid blocking the [ __ ] dogs off yeah flipping [ __ ] shouldn't have talked [ __ ] i shouldn't have talked [ __ ] oh no i gotta do this again oh my god sorry sorry nice punch sorry i talked [ __ ] everybody i got two i got two jerseys yeah you know what you know what [ __ ] yeah do you think if einstein was born like fred do you think he'd like be different but i don't know aaron i mean it'd still be einstein but do you think because this name wasn't einstein people would be like i don't know fred you know and it's like where's the where's the car parked i don't know einstein you know it's like i don't know fred it's good to see that you're so wrapped up in this plot like we've we just discovered like the altar at which the [ __ ] main girl was murdered and you're like what do you mean wouldn't it be weird if like a scientist from the 50s if you like a different name convene and we're like what do you want to play today and dan was like i want to play resident evil yeah and by play i mean watch you play i've really enjoyed the series and a lot of fans wrote me and we're like keep it going we're digging it really people said like yeah people yeah well lots of people do you think like cows are watching and they're like i will happily agree to give you my paraglider but not for another now what could i possibly want with a with a barely clothed child with your milky hamstrings and creamy thighs well there's nobody around here let's see now how about i trade for a bit of treasure that slumbers nearby i'm talking about your penis it will soon awake your adventures will be detailed here i'll show you my adventure [Laughter] i finally did it i'm gonna call my daddy right now hello [Laughter] also you know us we'll never get political on this show but two minutes before we start two minutes before we start news by this time oh yeah like no doubt by now you have heard millions of times endlessly about the donald trump cough tweet but for us recording this it just happened 30 seconds ago dan and i were simul [ __ ] and i and i tweeted i i i texted a screenshot of that tweet to him and i heard him laugh through the wall and i was like this is a good one it's so so funny regardless of where you land on the political spectrum i think we could all come together and agree that coffee is hilarious holy [ __ ] [ __ ] coffee despite all the negative press conferences what even word was it supposed to be i don't know there could be anything but i mean of course we're reading all this [ __ ] like immediately like oh yeah don't even talk to me until i've had my concept what the [ __ ] is going on oh my god i'm tripping balls all of a sudden oh words doesn't matter [Laughter] power up more yeah yeah okay first ripper oh no not again sure nothing again oh god no no hold on your [ __ ] notch mario it's okay it only hurts for an alternative yeah this will not wear off i assure you how come he gets the sparkles and i get just the horrifying care to power up more oh no please don't look again first river oh god sure okay yeah you start barfing but it only like goes out in all directions into space [Laughter] then you're [ __ ] incense is going to make me bored all right so i just wanted to share something this is a it takes a little bit of reading okay go for it uh i already shared this with you but i think it's important what is it um it's a reddit post by a guy named blibobletto uh it was on under reddit which celebrity uses their fame for good and which ones use it to be a douchebag and so blah blah blah shared this story and i thought it was important to share okay when i was younger i got roped into watching my three-month-old niece while my sister got her hair done so there i am sitting in the waiting room of a hair salon with my niece and who walks in but keanu reeves i was nervous as [ __ ] and just kept looking at him as he read a magazine and waited but i was too scared to say anything pretty soon though my knees started crying and i'm trying to quiet her down because i didn't want to bother kiana but she wouldn't stop pretty soon he gets up and walks over he started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong i replied that she was probably hungry or something so keanu reeves put down his magazine picked up my niece and lifted his shirt he breastfed her right there in the middle of a hair salon chill guy really nice about it 7 000 upvotes chill guy really nice about it that [ __ ] killed me by the way brian threw the most uh the lamest rock and roll tantrum of all time i was hoping you're to say tantrum when you said throw yeah yeah it was it was pretty great i mean it wasn't serious but i was we were in the studio recording because we finished the new uh original ninja sex party album the recording of it uh for the most part like there's congratulations couple tiny little things but yeah we were in the studio with our producer and like i was singing a very like heartfelt tune yeah you know i was like yeah this is somewhere out there is fievel right rival goes west no no the the an american tail is that what he sings what's his like really emotional song i don't [ __ ] remember okay it might have been somewhere out there let's say it was uh whatever it actually is you said no but it is violet goes west that's the sequel correct but no the song that's what i thought because i thought you were talking about fievel and then i said a thing that denoted that yes it was indeed that five well it's funny they said no well it's funny that you said that because because it's very intrinsic to the story is that when he's like in the window and he's singing and then the girl is yeah yeah yeah um but let's call that somewhere out there okay and um i was seeing a very emotional nsp song and i was like man this is like this is like what five sings and five vocal goes west and uh you mean american tale brian busts open the door of the studio and he's like uh just so you know he sings that song in american tale not the sequel fever goes west and then he slams the door and a piece of the studio like soundproofing collapsed from the ceiling and i was like this is the least rock and roll studio damage that has ever occurred brian angrily correcting me on which five old movie the song i'm singing well yeah but it's he's right though oh my god i i told this story to the wrong person because it's clearly i love how i did it before you even got to the caveat of the story yeah yeah because it's true it's the american it's a completely different film oh my god like it's not even it's not like oh man well jurassic park and well that's a bad example the terminator like the same movie again five oh goes west is a completely different movie hey look there went the point she pat's on the ground next to her signaling me to sit there it's fun to imagine when things happen instead of seeing them here we are sitting down in front of the window wouldn't chairs be more comfortable i mean there's tons of empty ones [Laughter] the chairs wouldn't work what the [ __ ] are you talking about we can't read it at the same time like that yes you can pull the chairs together why is that i guess it's easier to be close together like this don't just see that you'll make me feel weird about it that's the kid crosses her arms and scooches an inch away from me sorry it's only a few seconds before natsuki once again inches closer reclaiming the additional space while she hopes i won't notice i can feel her peering over my shoulder she takes a bite of my neck i bleed profusely but only from the one spot where her green tooth enters my my jugular it turns out her mouth is like a komodo dragon filled with harmful bacteria that's why the tooth is green and there's only one [Laughter] how long at the beginning everything's blurry here i am at the hospital like the exact same classroom what kind of what kind of what kind of overalls does mario wear i don't know then i'm done [Laughter] them oh no this is too depressing it's so sad is this what you're looking for and sometimes push it in the sand it'll make a cute little design don't forget to hold the button while targeting i'm dead inside what if she was like super guilt drippy and she's like not both children if only one would stick around with me in my final days i gotta go save her like oh it's okay yes i'll just die alone i'll be back real soon wow i'll be dead really what a coincidence that real soon is exactly how much time i have left to live if you're ready then let's go if you're if you're done talking you're soon to be dead grandma god that girl is heartless oh no stop my eyes little does he know that she's just like completely dead she died on the railing already i'll be back i love you [Music] [Laughter] the flies are already there this girl's like she's dead you know i saw it with the eagle vision everyone has but you oh one less crap out of the world i wonder what's for dinner oh man [Laughter] why are you laughing what's wrong with you that's not cool he's like oh my god did you see pacific no wait go wait go go go out and come back in okay yeah he's just got that look about him like ah mom close the door don't come in i'm doing things it looks like he has like a tiny universe in his eye no you see that so deep you know when i look into your eyes i think the same thing that's not good that attack is ridiculous and we fast forward i came in with two giant girls you're gonna have to stop the mail don't wanna get to tackle what's this guy doing technology's incredible you can store and recall items and pokemon as data via pc technology is incredible you can totally [ __ ] robots now see you later [Laughter] well i hope you have a good day yeah at the library give me that gun give me that gun i need to shoot the president [Laughter] don't you understand barry take that out of context give me that gun give me that gun i need to shoot the president whoa submit that to the secret service barry remember the first magfest we did together and like the john's cheese nips controversy oh yeah i mean i don't know i never got upset at anyone for like being like oh my god things you know just conspiracy theories all these crazy things but like none of which were ever correct and like the uh the my but there were certain ones where that were just like super ridiculous and that was my favorite one of all the ridiculous ones because someone apparently gave john some cheese nips at a panel that he did yeah that and later we were at the same panel and i just saw a box of cheese nips there and i was like oh sweet cheese nips and people were like like everyone's going crazy and i don't know why but like when you're up there you can't you can't make out what people are saying like you can hear one voice but when everyone's yelling at once it just sounds like this garbled mess yeah so like everybody's like those are jaws and i'm like what who like so like i eat one and people are like oh my god so ridiculous it's so funny oh my god yeah and then when i like then then when i finally like heard what they what they were saying like after it calmed down yeah when it calmed down i was like all right i'll save him for him and they're like he's gonna see him later he's like that's not [ __ ] reading way too much into everything that's so bananas what if it was like something like horrible and they were like just trying to tell you they is like there's syphilis in those cheeses those are okay those cheeses should i eat them they're like no they have syphilis you're like here i go and they're like why didn't he listen and there's a key and i'll show you where that leads in a little bit but for now i'm going to kill this [ __ ] do it you sorry sack of [ __ ] i'm sorry that wasn't that didn't come out as encouraging as i meant it to was it suppose i can't imagine a situation where that was an encouraging thing it was it was a sorry sack of [ __ ] i only thought of like the s sounds previously and i was like you silly sammy and like sorry saku [ __ ] is what came out instead oh yeah yeah having a tough time at least you killed freddy krueger in her wheelchair your dreams like your dreams is the old man you met today at the grocery store i'm coming for you slowly yeah sometimes i don't know when rain check his like [ __ ] knife hand clips the tires and it's like damn it ah jeez uh on account of my bum leg i can't come at you very quickly but hey you know what i'd be a nightmare yeah just just keep that in mind don't forget you know i'm in your dream and i can control where i'm at and everything but i don't know why i always show up in a wheelchair oh jeez it's the only way to travel slowly and it's hard to catch like grab with my hands because they're not uh this is it's it's hard it's a hard life for me he comes back and he's like it's like stephen hawking style he's like typing into the computer yeah i am your nightmare oh no karen you suck at video hey life is a highway i wanna ride it all night long give me him a game of game again yeah does he really say that oh yeah dude oh my god i used to have the he's just reminded me i used to have uh i used to have the cd single of that song back in 1991 was it it was the ep no no just just the um just the single yeah just the song and the b side and um what was the b side i can't you think i [ __ ] remember the life in the highway cassette b size oh no no it was cd um it was cd i because uh my it used to mine like had a scratch in it and it used to skip like right at that gimme gimme thing so it'd be like i want to ride it all night long give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me and it like made me laugh so much and my dad would get so pissed he's like done what is that noise it like would never get to the yeah [Laughter] whoa whoa oh my god these games how many of these were there oh tons i really don't i don't know what just happened but it did don't mind if everything goes blue and you die i mean whatever right it's just a video game we could only work so hard on this let me ch what the [ __ ] are you again where are you falling i'm i'm not fall i'm just running into the wall and then suddenly i [ __ ] can you slow it down there and see if there's anything that actually you're running into it's just like when you hit the wall what the f jesus christ man this is unacceptable how do people defend this game this is a retroactive outrage oh my god [Applause] this is gonna be good hey dan yes aaron they made a sequel to this game what's it called i'm not talking about dead rising too oh okay it's a it's a you know in this game zombies are always having a feast well go on in the sequel they're having a yeast bread rising wow how long have you been working on that one yeah you like it six days actually six days alone in a room just thinking think and think and thank that one yeah it was really good actually thank you the bananas has gone bad [Music] what the [ __ ] i cared for those bananas i raised them with my own two feet and you're telling me that has gone bad what could i have done differently [Music] next you're going to tell me that my lilly have died jennifer no it's it's ellie ellie ellen ellen freeze ellen freeze assigned into playstation [ __ ] [ __ ] brent brent is playing battlefront in the other room you [ __ ] kidding me this [ __ ] oh my god oh can we bring a microphone as we go chastise him this [ __ ] he's going to get signed out and he's going to be like uh oops wait like are you doing that now what no we're doing an episode okay i'm not going to chastise brent out of the kidding i think that's exactly what game gross is all about all right yeah let's do it [ __ ] hold on you can't bring a microphone out there hold on let's just bring it as far as we can okay we did it again did he [ __ ] he did it again these mics actually have some good lengths what the [ __ ] is off our [ __ ] bloodborne playthrough right now what happened unfucking believable brandon you need to get your own ps4 account buddy because this [ __ ] is unacceptable you're a freaking disgrace love you baby all right and we're back that was really funny wait i was just like what is what is happening here this has never happened to me this show is such a goddamn adventure dude oh it is you just never know very interesting one minute we're talking about well i am in the next minute we're [ __ ] yelling at our manager because oh my god and i died because of that brent [ __ ] taking ten percent of our [ __ ] oh my god can you [ __ ] believe that i've oh i can brent really loves to play battlefront yeah so when he's done for the day and he you know he's ready to go home got all his work done he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna sit down and he's honestly the the person in the office that plays video games here the most which is funny it's kind of the ultimate irony well try it if you're feeling bold hey thanks for your [ __ ] heart damn is that a container no no just gives me some hearts okay [ __ ] dooky heart right there it's it's pretty nice of it yeah whatever man dude if i could [ __ ] out gifts from my friend for my friends i'd be doing it all the time i do it constantly yeah i'm cons every day honestly merry christmas everybody in fact vernon has a video raisin bran yesterday using my ninja jitsu to uh to do that here uh kevin put that up right now oh if i like mush my mic around can i make it sound like you hit me aaron please no i told you never to raise your fist to me oh oh oh damn no dan oh oh god oh why are you continuing to hit me like that yeah kind of like that yeah but i like i like can i use that in a court of law yeah sure i like the really fumbly like full-on fall like i'm sure that will sound awesome yeah well brian and i so we started signing all the cds for the pre-order the ninja sex party album and we did it up at cd baby which is they help us with distribution up in portland oregon cd baby has a warehouse full of cds that you know a lot of their artists um that sign up with them will sell one to five cds at best you know it's a lot of those kinds of situations okay so we're in the cd baby warehouse and we're just like let's look for some [ __ ] treasures and the first thing we found was this dude it's called sharkman frank's treasure hunt i can't remember the name of the disc itself but it's this dude and he's dressed as a pirate and he sings like a pirate and he has a song where like he replaces all the use with yees and stuff and the picture on the cover is him smiling with his gold tooth in front of like a [ __ ] treasure chest that was like drawn in ms paint it's so amazing i have to [ __ ] show you the picture oh you took a picture of it oh god yes it made us so so happy holy [ __ ] shark man frank yeah oh it's a pirate's life for me spelled fer and like so brian and i kept playing the song all of his songs are up on youtube and brian was like do you want to know how many views this song has i was like i don't know he's like one one view and i'm not even kidding he didn't even watch his own video yeah no we were the i guarantee whoever checks out this video if you get there early whatever views there are on these songs all of them are us like me and brian just playing them endlessly in the car and he has a song called ocean like friends he's like golden doubloons and mercedes benz not even the oceans are greater than friends and like brian would sing it to me inches from my face as i was about to go to sleep i'm like please go away will he make it don't worry it's nothing serious you stupid idiot even if we have to help them out sometimes horses can generally cure themselves what really yeah they ah they can cure themselves no that's the stupidest [ __ ] i've ever heard are you kidding me they don't even have hands oh look at me a horse first aid kit i'm just gonna put a horse band-aid on it you know horses could perform minor surgery [ __ ] this dumb bra they also rely on their incredible healing powers they have like wolverine but it's more complicated for hit physical injuries like oscars speaking of oscar i need your help i'm in the process of finding him a new trash can to living preparing an ointment for his hoof but i'm missing an ingredient ointment ooh nice homework bone yeah that's what i give girls when they have been on vacation for a long time i'm feeling i'm feeling like giving you a homework bone tonight baby when you get real yeah fly to new jersey relax yourself cause when you come back and you're all tired and [ __ ] and you're feeling like you're getting sick i'm gonna give you a homework that was the uh there's the third homeward bound movie homeward bone homeward bound subtitle homeward bone yeah it's when the dog and the cat are all grown up and ready for mating wow i forgot all about homeward bound that's a sad movie it's so sad [ __ ] shadow dude shadow make me relive it but he was alive at the end spoilers wow great job i'm sorry dude how can you not how can you talk about how we're bound without talking about spoilers i don't know just not say the last thing you said oh jesus oh there he is it's been 30 years there it goes no shadow holy crap that was awesome he's probably okay timmy it was probably okay [Laughter] i am much too powerful for this world [Music] as if the to answer the world sends me a trembling child come on god god [Laughter] oh oh my god i'm [ __ ] crying i don't know why it just that joke just wore me down and i'm [Laughter] oh god my stomach he's getting a lot harder is he really i can't i can't get at him i can't give him the eye defeating me will only make me more powerful oh oh i could have gotten up on all those things oh man i keep missing them keep missing all the ramps not a ram not a ram oh god oh god oh god oh god it's going to squish me it's going to squish me ow where to the right [ __ ] i missed it oh here we go [Applause] okay i'll just decapitate myself on the roof oh is my boy where's my boy at what's up [ __ ] i almost dropped the n-bomb i'm so sorry i wow i don't even know where it came from oh god that was scary uh he would have smashed on the ground like that my career would have smashed on the ground if i said that paraglider please as you know our star has been rising a little bit game grumps and nsp are starting to become known on an international scale which is super exciting and i was in little tokyo uh the other day and i got recognized and it was really exciting because i got recognized by a japanese couple um clearly like like from japan just visiting here and uh they were very excited um i was walking by and i heard the husband lean over to his wife and say he said it in like hushed tones but like just loud enough that he wanted me to hear and turn around and talk to him uh he was like do you know who that is that's a kenny g saxophone i can't believe that's real it was the [ __ ] best and i'm just walking i'm like immediately i start to laugh i'm like but i can't turn around because i don't want to like i don't i don't want this guy to realize that i'm not kenny g uh-huh so i just kept walking but if he had come up to me and said ask for a photo and an autograph i would have absolutely 100 and and like written i was like plan thinking about like what i was gonna write i was like keep blowing love always kenny j keep saxon so yeah like that was uh keep blowing oh that i i honestly just can't believe that's real neither could i so i couldn't believe it was happening while it was happening dude not only am i best friends with sonic i'm best friends with classic sonic too so so [ __ ] you are you [ __ ] jealous or is it jealous people making fun of me at school [ __ ] you you don't know you just get beat up and you're like yeah well at least i'm friends with sonic and then the kid beating you up is like yeah me too i love sonic forces and i was like i love sonic forces too hooray and then they become best friends your best friends with sonic yeah no one ever can tell you otherwise he came to your graduation no need to socialize with actual human beings your friend go ahead go to school and gloat about it tell your friends oh wait sonic's your only friend tell sonic he'll understand i always understand i'm your best friend now get me a soda friend [ __ ] i just saw an idol in front of the crosswalk and let's say yuri catch up to me i like to imagine he's just standing on the sidewalk saying all this out loud loudly to himself man say you're he's an interesting girl because there's some guy with like a briefcase walks by like inches away [ __ ] ha ha i overslept again typical sayori did i call you this time stop talking about me loudly baby but only because i decided to stop and wait for you you stay thinking about ignoring me get bigger hands this is what a tiny house room for me where's my nose so many questions that's me and friend aaron well if people stare at you for acting weird then i don't want them to think we're a couple or something a couple of what okay you ready for a super personal question okay did you ever injure your neck trying to suck your own dick no but that doesn't mean i didn't try yeah i [ __ ] had one day in high school where i wore a neck brace oh my god you did not i did man i did it was the first time because when you're an adult like your shoulders and your neck hurt all the time and you just get used to it but like the first time i ever like genuinely hurt my neck was [ __ ] trying to make that magic happen and uh i'm there in like just trigonometry class just thinking to myself like god damn it i'm i'm so stupid i'll never try that again i tried two weeks later i hurt myself again really yeah of course oh my god because you're so [ __ ] tantalizingly close i have no usually it's the rib cage that hurts oh that's probably true too like if you if you eliminated your ribs you feel like every guy must try that at one point in their life yeah okay good of course it makes me feel better when i was a kid all the girls loved new kids on the block and like they would have posters of them on their wall and like you everybody would pick their favorite new kid on the block and the only one no one wanted was danny because he was the ugly one yeah i just remember all the girls at lunchtime being like all dannies are ugly and like to my face just to like hurt my feelings and i was like that doesn't whatever and then i walk away and be like [Laughter] oh god my feelings all danny's are ugly [ __ ] hurts when you're nine yeah you know what else hurts when you're nine what's that polio whoa sorry to interrupt sir you're shark pushing yeah i told you never to come in here when i'm pushing sharks in my underwear this is the ultimate get out of here yeah moment don't tell your grandma i've been pushing sharks you want to build strong muscles get over here if she catches wind of my shark pushing [Laughter] it'll be divorce number three for sure [Laughter] roll into the wall ouch oh my god my brother upstairs is very high strung i love [ __ ] with him let's do it again [Music] he like peeks his head in the door and he's like done setting those pots back up again and he's like yeah just finally got him done boom top of it all he's so very feeble he can't do [ __ ] about this especially since i've been practicing pushing sharks all day hello welcome back to game green welcome back my name is aaron and danny's the one playing the game yeah if i've been quiet during this play-through it's only because this is taking one million percent of my concentration one million printing says daniel what got into you in the last 10 seconds this program is brought to you by bounty clean up the spills that no other uh paper towel can clean kiriaki bodies have been detected that's not a thing oh it's the it's the little alien guys the road that i must travel sorry direct you've actually operated on this exact strain already it was called gary that happens correct this guilt hides inside organs while attacking their tissue however should be just like removing a parasite somebody turn that off derek i love mr mister as much as the next guy but we've got to be serious here all right zap the aliens i left for the applause applause applause [Music] [Applause] [Music] i really wanted to go my whole life without ever liking a lady gaga song but that [ __ ] is good and before we were laughing because uh in the lady gaga uh applause video the top comment was like like lady gaga more like lady kaka [Laughter] you know we make fun of it now but we definitely laughed ironically at that oh yeah barry if you could possibly put a floating burger with eyes smiling just floating from right to left across the screen wait wait describe that to me again a floating burger with eyes uh and smiling uh floating from right to left across the screen and like it comes from off screen it and then like when it hits the screen exactly it's just like a gentle floating smiling burger gently i imagine it like when it gets to the left right it just kind of squishes a little bit and it just keeps squishing like it's like it's like really gentle movement yeah like the force behind it is just like massive yeah so it's just like and then it gets flattened to like one [ __ ] right and at the last moment that you can detect its face like the smile stops that's so sad oh that poor hamburger god damn it why didn't i duck i was ducking and then i stood up because i thought it was gonna be one of the ground ones barry's gonna have a good time listening to this dude barry's gonna look at the audio wavelength of this and just be like what the [ __ ] happened look at the it's limbo much for me barry i'm sorry to ask this can i just get a little smiling floating burger across the screen from right to left thank you man i just need to see something [ __ ] the burger no get out of here okay just make them go a little faster get get out get get out of here bergy you don't belong here you're not you you messed me up bergy you did it you distracted me i was gonna jump and then you were all like oh i'm a happy burger [ __ ] sucks bro [Laughter] doesn't help me one bite called upon [ __ ] bergie in my time of need jesus christ kevin real quick oh yes jesus man what is kevin ask ross not ross barry ask barry for the assets for bergy throw in bergie super fast right to left real quick across the screen right now there you are bernie you just put fergie on the screen real quick yeah but fergie between two patties and lettuce and a bun and and choose the picture where she had that weird like booty sweat thank you kevin perhaps we should do an occasional podcast where we talk about movies that we watch together okay that could be cool sounds good to me barry wanted to do it [ __ ] barry finally i can say that permission [ __ ] kevin yeah kevin how you doing we haven't talked to you in a little while yeah how's it going buddy that's good how was your um your thing yeah how was that thing did you see how [ __ ] perfect that shot was that was astonishing kevin did you see that did you like it that wasn't even the [ __ ] mission i was supposed to do wow i just did a [ __ ] willy-nilly mission because i was like that looks like a star and then i did it and kevin how great is aaron awesome oh please don't embarrass me thank you with all your compliments yeah i i i totally agree with whatever you just said don't don't that's like writing a blank check like the movie blank check can you please put a zombie cheeseburger floating across the screen actually up and down zombie thank you yes but he has to come down from the top of the screen gently and sink into the abyss-like bottom of the screen i gotta invent some [ __ ] floaty character someday dude it's as easy as just saying the first stupid [ __ ] thing that comes into your head because i had nothing to do with bergy that was that was you and barry collaborative effort yeah i mean you could even make the argument that it was totally me and barry just [ __ ] was along for the ride barry created berkey if he was not cute he would not have gone over i know berries barry's probably in the top two editors i've ever known personally in my life in the top two yeah and i can't tell you where yeah yeah because it'll it'll make him feel bad yeah i mean you know who the other one is zerwick von eddetstein oh yeah the great the great german editor he's a great editor all right one day in little old kansas where we grew up together dan was 12 i was 17. unlikely dan let me tell you a little something about young dan he was really into crime like murders all the time and he would get away with them he still has honestly he hasn't served any time for the the unsolved murders of caitlyn uh francis and gene i would really appreciate it if you didn't uh suggest that i i prefer in kansas in 1942 when we were children he was he was eight and i was 77. yeah so cool that you made it all the way to 135. anyway here's the here's the deal yeah this is what happened i mean he just [ __ ] himself we were we were we were hanging out at the dq with the dairy queen the dq that's what i call it no one calls it that dan [ __ ] himself 17 times in a row okay and it was it was it was consecutive like he but it was the 40s so these things didn't matter well actually it was no internet it was actually worse than it was actually the 2040s it happens in the 40s now it's okay yeah but he he cleaned off his butt after every [ __ ] and then he [ __ ] himself afterwards again and because he he was [ __ ] himself he was just like oh there's all this stuff that's coming out i might as well replace it with more ice cream and what happened was he was just [ __ ] out the ice cream good story all right so if i may recap when we were young children i was 77 and you were two when you were a young child of 77 growing up in kansas in the 40s and i was a murderer of two years old i [ __ ] myself 17 [Music] 17 [Laughter] [Music] it's a really good story

Channel: MatterBoar

Views: 73,840

Keywords: arin handson, danny the manny, mini comp, Barry, Sonic, Pokemon, Katimari, Godzilla, Zelda, Wind Waker, Microphone, Pokemon Emerald, Handson, Kirby

Id: 50sIE5rufzo

Length: 65min 55sec (3955 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 02 2020