FULL Roast Battle #3 | Thai Rivera + Matthew Broussard

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the world famous Rose B fuck yeah oh I'm your host referee Brian motherfucking Moses this is my DJ MC lunchbox you're an audience Make Some Noise all right my three badass judges tonight uh first guy you saw him first he's the commissioner of the Austin Rose battle make it loud for my favorite pedophile Adam lucky hell yeah next up handsome preppy make a laugh from Matt [Music] brol I wish I got this guy on stage tonight but we don't have the time but I love this cat you've seen him on Comedy Central on MTV make a laugh for Ty Rivera love this show Now Matt and Adam have done this Matt you've done this on TV right yes sir hell yeah you got any advice for these cats tonight anything like that the audience should know about I just hit the bottom there guy's got a mathematics degree can't turn a microphone on nice I like that that black thing is fucking protesting you right now pretend it's your girlfriend's vibrator come on now my advice is comedy is all timing that's why he's so good I love that guy all right let's get into it man I'm excited about this fucking this show tonight this is all Austin this is just you guys tonight I'm excited uh the first battle you're going to see tonight this guy's from La uh he's an exh heroin addict hopefully X lives in Austin now make a laugh for Dan [Music] [Applause] Nolan yes yeah hell yeah not totally ex heroin Saturdays are still my cheat day but uh there's heroin cheat days yeah oh man this was you like six years ago remember you anyway it gets [Laughter] better I'm not sure all right uh your opponent Daran do you know Darion at all yeah I know we have we have played poker together he's a big fat guy I'm excited uh it's going to be great let's meet this cat uh he's from Tennessee but he's here now make loud for Austin Zone Daren [Applause] Irwin hell yeah oh man fuck this looks like two different errow of Nazi [Applause] old school new school baby Darion what's up bro good to see you uh you heard what this fucking guy said about you why you battling him why am I battling him yeah I'll tell you what I desperately need the 60 [Music] bucks you do this every time you know it's 70 bucks all right let's fuck let's get into this this one round is five jokes Dan D who's going first I'm going to go first God damn right White Privilege are we ready for this are we ready for this battle battle Dar Darion let's Roose Darion works as a door guy at a comedy club and his titties are [Applause] bouncers all right Dan Dan used to be fat he doesn't tell people this he used to be very fat so when he ODed they had to revive him with Nar Can't Believe It's Not Butter Daren looks like he's here to give a lecture on critical rape Theory you looking at me like that you he told you told me you need a CPAP to get to sleep and CPAP stands for child porn and pills uh daren's comedy career hasn't been making a lot of progress lately but the place where he feels really stuck is in [Music] bathtubs I've lost 170 lbs this year shut up your dad lost 200 lbs when he killed himself alive I don't know he's doing he's kind of fat and fucked up but I don't know Darion did lose 170 pounds over the last year uh he knew things were going well when Soul cycle stopped charging him for two bikes uh things are going well things are going well for Dan he was actually cast in the reboot of The Intergalactic epic Storage Wars [Music] 60 bucks either way my man uh Daran and his wife were actually expecting their first child uh he was kind of upset at first when he found out there wasn't actually a bun in the oven you look like an Uber driver if except if in instead of driving for Uber you just fuck kids you look like you have to take Uber because you're too heavy to lift Bad Boys told you we can't stop keep it going audience that's damn Nolan that's Darren Irwin and that's our first roast battle Adam lucky who would you like in this one uh I thought that was fucking awesome you both look like you lost a lot of money in crypto I bought dog rape coin that was a Bigg yes you look like you're on the way to a To Catch a Predator social meeting little casual Mee and great I thought uh it started really even fucking great uh Dan you pulled pulled ahead but Darren even when your jokes dropped you still did a great job recovering but I think Dan was a little bit more consistent so I got to give it to Dan on that one okay okay yes they do look like they hungry hungry crypto go ahead Matt Brar if you had asked me uh which of these two was a former heroin addict I I would have got it wrong twice um Daren looks like a felon ex-husband and Dan looks like like the guy she settled down with after not great and bad but a good stepdad for sure oh yeah um life after lock up yeah that was a that was a really good round that bouncer joke was my favorite of the two but the butter joke was great right behind it um jokes in the middle were good uh Dan I do feel for you that Daren lost so much weight that some of those jokes stopped working uh it's a real bummer when I lost 45 fucking minutes um the lift and the bouncers joke kind of clinched it for Dan so I'm giving it to Dan oh all right well that's two votes and that that means that uh like a gay man in America your vote doesn't count TY but go ahead typical it's nice seeing the not so proud boys go at it um yeah and I agree with everything Matt just said it started off really strong and then at a point Darion you started kind of flubbing your jokes a little bit and other than that it would have been great but uh you just got a little bit stuttered and yeah yeah fuck you too buddy well I'm not the one losing right now so oh shit I'm voting for Dan as well thanks Clean Sweep make it loud Dan no hug each other battle number two this is exciting stuff this is um this is our opener battle uh this is an Asian person versus a white guy we're bringing World War II back in this one let's bring up the enemy first from Virginia he's now here as a door guy down to the bu and make a life from my man Mr Michael [Applause] Ridley yo what's good hell yeah hey what's good Brian how are you um just so these people know I I said I I said the optimer thing what kind of Asian are you I'm Philipino I'm a water Mexican a water Mexican yeah Filipinos are just Mexicans with web toes I can swim fast as fuck y'all and I steer with my neck like a catfish I don't know if you know about Mexicans they're kind of good at that anyway um you're battling Matt blackc why you doing this to him uh uh cuz you know facts yeah I've had a I've had a beef with Bellic for a while dude all right well this guy is a monster joke right I make it loud for Matt Black what is up all right hey this is well you guys look the same but just different ethnicities they make them the same in Austin doesn't matter what race it is all right Bellic why you doing this to this cat uh you know World War II All That Jazz OPP let's get him oh my God I have a joke about that Blink 182 shirt anyway um it's one round is five jokes white asian who's going first you got this Mt go first I'll go first yeah all right let's do it are we ready audience Matt Bellic Michael Ridley let's Roose Michael Ridley he is uh he's half asian he's also half redneck uh he's the kind of guy that lead his sister's pussy with chopsticks yeah yeah Matt's always bragging about his TV credits bro we get it you're close with Chris Hansen Jesus all right Karate Kid Rock here we go dude all right yeah I uh he looks Michael looks weird he kind of like a stir fried Danny McBride you know what I'm saying he's like a far Eastbound and Down shut the fuck up Matt you look like somebody typ Ed in Blockbuster rapist into an AI image generator all right Manny fudge Pacquiao right here here we go we're gonna get him we're gonna get we uh uh so everyone knows this about Michael Michael loves Pokemon everyone knows that uh here's what people don't know he will follow you into the bathroom and try to sneak a [Laughter] Pikachu Matt was pretty pissed when Epstein died because he used to work as a tour guide on the island if you look to your left you'll see Bill Clinton and Tom Hanks living out my dreams uh good guys all right uh yeah if you guys know this he's a comedian but his free time he actually DJs at Trump rallies his uh his DJ name is DJ Kim Jung Matt made history by being the first sloth who was banned from schools I uh no but seriously though um hold on I got one please please please Jesus Christ Matt's favorite Nirvana album is never mind because has a baby dick on the front cover uh all right GS of Hazard we're gonna do this I uh h Michael is a he's a weird one Michael's favorite Chinese food is General Lee's [Laughter] Chicken Matt looks like he runs a YouTube channel where he reviews flashlights what's going on guys it's your boy Matt Stater got another unboxing video for you we got the stamina we got the stamina training unit guys be sure to smash that like And subscribe Button as hard as I'm about to smash this rubber pussy his family makes the uh the fleshlights they make yeah baby this is Austin yeah Michael Ridley man Bic fuck Austin this is why you guys are number one man I'm going to start with tie on this one who' you uh hate the least what were these lesbians arguing [Laughter] about there's not enough Diet Coke here yeah I just kept trying to figure out what aisle of Home Depot I was on right now somebody get the r for shit no this was this battle was fucking excellent both of you guys did great uh Michael Ridley Filipino the lowest rung of Mexican and Asian that's true uh thank you for noticing thank you yeah that YouTube act out was fun fucking great it was absolutely great but then Matt just kept hitting you with the comeback so even though I really loved everything you did tonight Mike uh Matt is who I'm going with on this one thank you thank you this is a good fight yeah yeah this is this is a really good battle Matt has like the delivery of a uh a news reporter but then he looks like I like someone playing Ron Jeremy in a biopic and the wildest part is you look like that and Michael is somehow more white trash than you it's a very interesting you look like a a defected Korean General in witness protection is this whole thing just looks like a a roof a guy buying roofies and the guy who Wholesales them um no he looks like he he he wants to say get her done but he can't say ER get L done uh oh God get the gets L done yes this was uh this was a great battle I mean it it was just really fun to watch Michael good job with the act out of the end but Matt just had a bunch of fucking good jokes so uh us whites got to stick together and uh goddamn brother hell yeah all right it's two for Matt Adam lucky I fucking loved it it was like Pearl Harbor versus Pearl [Laughter] Jam it was like that oh yeah both have a lot of surprise [Laughter] hits oh jery I'm a silly little guy uh I fucking love this battle here's the thing is Michael did so goddamn good and he's always so funny but it's just Matt was on fire tonight like I think Michael you would have beat almost anybody else but Matt your joke writing tonight was fucking incredible I think one of the best roers I think you took that one but fucking one of my favorite battles I've seen a long time absolutely outstanding Clean Sweep though second winner of the night oh this is a great front row right here shit all right let's uh this next battle is exciting Adam make out for Adam he booked all these battles tonight that's the commissioner right there these are really good ladies first it's our first lady of the night make a loud for Austin's own Candace Medina hey how's it going Ola good to see you uh you're battling um Francisco rone why you doing this to Francisco well I always love doing roast battle like the creative ways that people call me fat and uh now now I get to do it in espanol so that's great fuck yeah all right uh this guy he's here we love him make a laugh for Francisco ring [Applause] hey Frank good to see you good to see you well you're battling Candace tonight why are you doing this to her you wanted me to call her fat facts fats fats all right uh one round five jokes in English who's going first me to go first all right right cool fuck yeah more white privilege are we ready for this are you ready for this this is a good one battle Candace Francisco let's Ro uh when Francisco was a kid in Venezuela he fell out of a papat Tre and sucked every dick on the way down they had a little bit of papaya on top uh Candace uh her ankles are experienced see more pressure than that submarine that went to the [Music] [Applause] Titanic yeah and you'd make a great passenger on that ship cuz you're a wet back uh hey well can you're you're you're half Mexican Well I didn't get to do my joke oh oh okay go ahead is that cool sure okay give it up for Francisco for real like he is uh he's a paid regular here at the mothership which is awesome yeah jizz janitor uh like you could just use a mop you don't have to keep using your ass they they pay me in mangoes for uh when when Candace mom was pregnant with her for the gender reveal party they po a balloon yeah a water balloon it's a whale a so she did go to the Titanic all right uh gracias um Francisco is the first comic uh to sell mangoes as his merch um you just have to drive down I35 to get him well your dress as my favorite uh tortilla lady thank you thank you yeah I was inspired by your mom selling roses at a concert so yeah you're wearing exactly what my Tia would wear for my my sister's ska do you bring tamales today uh I don't know oh wait they're in your [Music] belly was it my turn I don't know I guess yeah all right okay puppy um let's see I sometimes have trouble believing that Francisco's accent is real like I feel like he's just practicing Scarface in the mirror just like first you get the money then you get the power then you get the allegations dropped cany says men have a hard time uh finding her kid but uh hey maybe it would be easier if you didn't have hi behind your FAA yeah I find that hard to believe cuz I've got a massive pussy um like I can smuggle like five of you into here for sure I don't [Applause] know that's how I got here and it's 90% fat it's a yeah it's true it's like all roast beef take me back to your country I can feed a nation for sure with your body alone they would yeah that's a joke where they eat you sorry if you don't understand what I'm saying you can press two on your phone okay uh that's that was good you you know just real quick table 34 needs a refill on chips and um a lot of people don't know this but s Francisco is named after the city of San Francisco and much like the city he too has had millions of gay homeless inside him that's true hey uh Candace a lot of people say You're fat I don't think you're fat I think you're happy um you're very happy you look very happy are you this happy because you only eat Happy Meals uh I don't know you make them so you should [Applause] [Music] know that's it you're good I'm good okay estaban that was it I was sinko that's good enough I she she needs this more than I do yeah she told me that she tried you're another joke she smug hey come on I'm a little immigrant boy let me get a little it's okay yeah she told me that she tried to kill herself when she was 11 and she is still trying to kill herself with food hey Candace keep eating you're almost there oh no that was bad okay totally worth I love you guys I love you Candace totally worth it keep it going Candace Medina and Francisco Rinko all right it was a uh it was a battle that became a podcast at the end go ahead Ty who you you like in this one look Candace I know these pool boys can get out of hand but this is not the way you do this this is not the way you discipline the help I get it you're a bit of a Karen I I thought it was a good battle honestly but like towards the end you guys did just seem to start kind of arguing yeah it felt like a weird situation where I'm watching you guys argue and then Francisco you insisted on doing that last joke and it wasn't worth the fuck to tell you the truth I can't believe you fought for that cuz it did not go well at all Jes and it's based off of that last joke alone that I'm giving this to Candace cuz damn all right Adam lucky who' you like in this one oh this was my favorite episode of 90day fiance of all time I love it dud it's hard to tell which way it's going it's really fun yeah I agree the bickering uh made it not as fun both of you guys had great jokes I think think you tried a little too hard to go at each other maybe you guys should fuck and get it over with and just fucking in front of us right now pussies no don't guys come on this lady wants him to loves it yeah yeah that she's drunk that's fine um no I uh I was actually going to say one more joke but then Francisco fucked up with that last thing and uh I think Candace I keep doing this for myself yeah thanks Puss and Boots you rock though I love [Laughter] you this was this was close Francisco is you're very funny like your delivery is so bad that it's good yeah I mean that as a combo you're both very very funny and I when they said are you Mexican or no Venezuelan which are you Venezuela okay I'm reporting it to the government um I was hoping more Hispanic cuz I was going to do like Gardener jokes but you look more like a like a figure skater if anything um this was good it got close I feel like some momentum was lost I do think Candace just crushed it on that that comeback at the end and kind of clinched it so I'm giving it to Candace ladies and gentlemen your third one of the night Miss Candace Medina hug each other you two one more time that's Francisco that's Candace K be going audience all right two battles left that lady's cool all right this exciting this next one uh a former Champion I think she's the current champion am I right about this Heather uh no she's not all right never mind uh former champion from Austin Texas make a laugh for Miss Heather [Music] Kei hello yes what up heev I'm good how are you H uh you're battling Colin merera again mhm why again uh I want to see if I can kick his ass twice oh okay yeah she won the first time this guy is blowing up all over the fucking Rose battle YouTube Please Subscribe and like smash that button uh boy love this guy battle Casey rocket on this stage last time he's battling Heather tonight again for the second time the rematch make a laugh for Colin om sir hell yeah hell yeah all right hey good to see you kle how are you all right I'm pretty good uh you're battling Heather Keith over here why you yeah again yeah why again fucking they asked me to do it again like yeah all right Matt this is the last time you invite your fucking cocaine dealer to battle okay noas one round five jokes who's got it first sure yeah all right so you yeah okay this is a fuck this weird already this is Colin that's Heather this is part two let's roast uh Heather's an emo Mexican uh which means she tried to cut her wrist but she couldn't get the weed whacker to start Colin looks like he uses hair gel as lube and then he uses his cum as hair gel that's why it smells so good I uh I feel like if Heather's pussy could talk it would only sing sad songs like wonder wall you know like today is going to be the day that I'm going to stink up the room Colin Colin looks like the dude from every early 2000s movie that secretly loves to fuck fat girls yeah you wish [Applause] [Laughter] dude God damn uh yeah uh Heather looks like she has a sugar daddy who actually just gives her sugar Colin is an unlicensed Barber and his dad shot himself so he's pretty used to people in his life wanting a little bit off the top yeah that's true yeah my dad killed himself you look like you killed Selena but uh yeah yeah uh Heather actually broke up with her boyfriend cuz he wouldn't come with her to get an abortion but uh in his defense is he supposed to go with her to the bathroom every time she takes a shit like it's crazy your dad aborted his brains uh Colin looks like he often quotes Ben Affleck and then goes that's a Ben Affleck quote that guy's a fucking Legend yeah yeah he is what are you talk yeah I fucking rules Heather looks like uh she breastfeeds uh herself um Colin looks like he often calls the cops and goes first of all you're not better than me second of all you're going to want to call an ambulance I just beat the shit out of my girlfriend yeah in my defense she was talking shit about Ben Affleck so yeah yeah keep it going for Colin Heather that was bad [Applause] ass we're just so fluid and natural you two shit all right you guys can't see this but Colin's got a fatter ass than Heather and that is it's wild shit yeah anyway uh me we go to a a flat ass gentleman over there Adam lucky who' you like in this one I loved it it was like a Hot Topic employee versus the guy that sell scone at the mall it was that who's who here's the thing is Heather your jok's fucking ruled like it was really good really unique shit but Colin had such a good comeback for everything he did he so on his toes and he fucking killed it it was I would actually say it's probably my favorite battle so far I thought you guys both killed it but I would give it to Colin on that one but good job both you guys fucking this was this was a really fun battle this was really fun to watch all the jokes really landed Colin looks like a nightclub promoter but for Bar Mitzvah and Heather looks like a spooky chandelier um Heather you killed it there was some there was some subtle jokes in there that I don't think the crowd gave what they deserved uh that that I thought were really great Colin uh you smashed every every joke though so I'm giving it to Colin well Ty doesn't matter but go ahead Heather is one of my favorite Battlers I really love watching him Heather and that's not a secret um but Colin cuts my hair so that is true I cut his hair on Friday that why it looks like shit whoa whoa whoa who what the hell what the hell let's go damn trust me Heather it's no worse than that skirt you're wearing bitch stop using the tablecloths at work yeah but yeah even if Heather hadn't talked shit it still would be calling on B for right now folks he wins the rematch goor hug all right last battle of the night who's [Applause] ready nice what's up handsome Jeffrey Epstein good to see you sure don't look around like it's not you sir it's like fucky found me I guess I'm not dead oh shit didn't kill myself all right uh excited about this one it's all Austin these are the best guys here make it loud for my first guy Mr Nat roachy hell yeah all right Adam lucky this is for you why does every fucking battler in Austin look like this we don't have black people yet we're working on it we're trying to figure it out I I ordered some on Amazon Prime we don't have black people we're working on it fuck shit all right uh Nat welcome to the show uh do you know Lucas you guys friends good friend why you doing this to him uh you'll see uh love this cat Mega loud Lucas McCreary hell yeah why are you laughing bitch what the fuck just said how I will fuck you you piece of shit what I told you guys she came out she started laughing at me immediately just from how I looked I'm going to fuck your boyfriend right here you piece of shit uh good to be here though oh God it's cuz you have her haircut that's why she's looking at you she the garpet does match to the drapes prove it prove all right uh Nat's looking to battle you why you doing this you guys friends we're very good friends and I want to prove to you guys despite what you think Nat's a good guy all right um when I first met you your pronouns are different are what are the pronouns today Lucas what's up what are the pr what are the pronouns today I'm a fucking man yeah all right welcome back welcome back to man okay I'm [Music] black you can be that next week shit it's all the rage I here especially in Florida all right uh one round five jokes gentleman who's going first ladies [Laughter] first okay he's talking about you that all right listen this is the last battle of tonight let's make it so fucking loud we break this bitch battle Lucas let's Ro yeah that's what's up man uh Lucas looks like that girl from last of us if us was just his pronouns he does now looks like he wants to be flexible so he can finally suck the Cheetos dust off his cock oh man thank you Peter panx ual uh thank you pillsberry Jew boy you look like the pillsberry Doughboy if the pills were testosterone blockers uh Lucas looks like after sex he goes now that wasn't so bad now was [Applause] it and then and then she'll say something really kinky like chist sorry uh you guys don't know Nat uh puts peanut butter on his dick uh it's it's not for his dog it's so Nat has a snack at the movies love that I wrote a lot of you put your penis in food jokes did you guys know Nat puts the holes in the donuts that's good thank you David blowy um let's see here no it's true Lucas used to be non-binary now he uses masculine pronouns but if you talk to him for a second you'll see that he is a faggot all right sorry my bad you guys hated that it's true I used to be a non- bionaire and Nat likes to get fucked by women with penises so we both have had a little Trans in us thanks Kristen Stewart uh let's see what the fuck no he he actually looks like Elliot page that that trans girl from Juno do you know what he's still a fag all right that is uh Jewish uh sorry and uh he's Jewish but he talks like a Nazi because I I asked him Natt do you want two burgers and he said no I want n999 you are a very ugly woman anyway no I'm just kidding uh Lucas is actually a door guy here at the mother oh my bad bro uh Lucas is a door person here at the gender non-conforming parent ship I'm a door person I'm allowed here any day you have to have a wristband to be in here you fucking tourist NAD uh I uh I do like your people I like your Jewish people you guys are good I like uh your holidays Hanukkah is pretty good I like Hanukkah because it sounds like a samurai killing himself hanuka well on it works for other Jewish celebrations uh y boy 911 oh man thank you Philip Seymour Hof them all right okay uh this is true I don't want to do all pronoun stuff Lucas has a small penis he gets it from his dad uh just like that movie he looks like the little girl from it's hereditary yeah the joke nerds like that one I know yeah uh that was five right we did five right yeah it's like six yeah yeah you did six yeah that's what I said net did six but all right keep it going for these two huh Nat rachi and my man Lucas mccre now that was fun uh let's start with Tai on this one I feel like I could fuck either one of these fags to tell you the truth this was a very a very iffy battle when it comes to the testosterone on stage uh but it was super fun Nat was off to a super slow start and then all of a sudden just picked it up and I thought Lucas was going to win it when he immediately came out and attacked an audience member I was a real fan of that part but then once Nat got going he really started going and then there there was a point where I felt like the gender jokes became too much and it wasn't an offensive way it just was like I agree yeah they would all right wow all these allies in here I fucking hate both of you no you hate fucking us Ty that's true um I would vote on this one I'm still G to go ahead and go with Nat I think Nat was stronger in the J Peter panexual killed it one from now I want to see if this works you know the uh Mac and PC commercials they look like a Big Mac and PC culture commercials okay um you knew they wouldn't like it you knew it's clunky but clever it took me a minute M this was a good battle uh Lucas I can confirmed with Adam does have a penis uh yeah yeah in Tai's ass am I right hell yeah am I right show me the FL logs is he right yeah shit I feel like Lucas could compete in women's sports and Ronda santis we be like yeah I guess that's fine actually um [Laughter] and Nat looks like a a model for New Balance [Laughter] um Lucas you're very funny you're very very funny you did a really great job on that um Nat had so many jokes I counted fucking six name jokes uh it just kept coming moving away from the gender stuff was really cool too and then like just showing the range there I'm not py um that was I'm GNA have to give it to Nat really great job from both of you really enjoyable that [Applause] battle Senor lucky who you liking this one I I fucking love it you guys look like trans Drake and Josh I found a gay I found a gay hell yeah dude or just I think that would work at all I fucking like that I took a big race now Lucas has a penis it tastes fine it's fine uh Nat stick tastes a little bit better I'm not gay those but still um like Cheetos that's not it look here's the thing it was great um I do think Nat pulled ahead a little bit fuck you you piece of shit let me finish you hoorde okay big lovers Coral sh this is the last battle of the night I think it's only fitting we go to one more joke right why the fuck not do you guys have one more joke I mean I'm gonna be honest shut up it doesn't matter because Matt and Ty already gave it to Nat but because you're such a cool audience and this is Adam show we're doing one more joke God damn [Applause] right but that one but go ahead n don't be scared this isn't the New Testament what what I'm gonna say is not going to live up to them uh Nat rajeski U more like Nat Rogan sucky he'll do anything to get on this stage uh this this is actually just true Lucas's sister used to get mad at him for wearing all her clothes can you imagine how pissed she'd be if she found out he fucked all her boyfriends all right okay one last joke one last joke one last joke whoa I'm kidding my bad guys I'm sorry you guys are so cruel you di you guys are so mean don't say anything bitch I fuck it I don't know I love you so much are you guys related anyway guys keep it going for your winner Mr net r

Channel: Roast Battle

Views: 87,033

Keywords: thai rivera, thai rivera kill tony, matthew broussard, matthew broussard roast battle, matt broussard, Full Roast Battle, Roast Battle MOthership, Kill TOny, Full ROast Battle, Roast Battle, Roast Batle Comedy Mothership, Comedy Mothership Roast Batle, comedian thai rivera, thai rivera comedian

Id: ih1ck57ppyg

Length: 42min 56sec (2576 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 06 2023