FULL PAX 2011 Penny Arcade DND Celebrity Game (Aquisitions Inc Season 6)

[Applause] [Music] [Laughter] holy [ __ ] together [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] in ancient times in a land far off for the goblins and mages and Cobalts and Kings valiance men tempted evils wrought for honor and riches and magical rooms you [Music] [Applause] some found fortune some found despair but all found things they have not known were there now ages after though the story is off pale their teeth live onward in our soul [Music] but none of that [ __ ] matters cuz it's really just pretending and tonight we all are gathered here to witness these four men bring their dumb asses to a table and talk smack to each other and there's no mortal danger tonight four men what's up my friends some bikes was it allowed pretending that they know how to fight and move around some miniatures and say some made-up words while every move is second-guessed by several thousand birds passing a magic missile and the doctors these four men [Music] [Applause] [Music] these four men and their DM full-grown men for best friends over bread and a bit when also gym and there's acquisitions ah [Applause] live from the Paramount Theatre in Seattle Wizards of the coast and Penny Arcade presents the last will and testament of Jim dark magic the first a live D&D adventure featuring the player characters of acquisitions incorporated [Music] [Applause] [Applause] Quincy [Applause] and when runs bottom stop [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what the he's been winner of the bronze bottom [Applause] [Music] well Wheaton has L fell L remain man presence engine [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] if you split the party I lost my baby when I'm done you can call me don't fall down my crack as Jam magic dark magic [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] magic magic magic magic magic if you start messaging messaging as Egypt ancient Egypt our messages messages not pathogen magic [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] introduce yourself go and wicked DM of the West Chris Perkins [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] all right gentlemen let's roll so how you guys been pretty good pretty good all right it's been what a year yes and then you play dungeons and drag this is it is this not how it happens at your house yeah yes yes yes and we are powerful indeed I think and being funny is for us okay Mike there's your name oh thank you way to get the audience on your side Scott well thank you very against me so I might as well run with it oh wait you got all of them killed - yeah he really starting already guys really how quickly we forget when we all went to hell and save them we went to hell went to hell save you which I'm not asking any questions about why you're in hell we just picked you up and we took you out no questions asked I'm in hell because every person I've ever met who tells me I'm going to hell says they're not going to be there well you want the elf that looks like a girl or the Aladdin that looks like a girl I want the here's the thing about elves elves are the Aladdin's hillbilly cousins so I'll take the Aladdin who looks like a girl thank you very much because we deserve to look and feel pretty hey Jerry I put your mini out there too so you read that at the Baldwin okay the ball oh man I got a lot of good spells here and so many card you like this table Schneider yeah gig chic all right this looks like a mercifully cutscene from Alice in Wonderland awesome in Wonderland listen all right I got all kinds of crazy [ __ ] I built this character specifically to get people out of pools of acid not on my watch sorry I have an opening for a new best friend I wonder if you'd be interested in taking where is that opening [Applause] where is that open you have to hit every demographic people that open solutions incorporated as a brand that openings wherever you want it to be oh ho all right I thought you know like a job but it's like all right no I was I was talking about something okay so so they gave you a pencil they gave you pencils - they're in this your new best friend on tape we look out for each other so friends do it it don't even phase him I recall you guys have reconciles and pointed that was loving not at all right everything's great good I mean don't split the party and everything will be fast guys catch that was last year that's all right huh now are we ready to play Dungeons & or dragons we are ready to play both alright question is do you have your characters stuff ready here oh yeah excellent good to go cool that an owl bear that is an aloe berry spoiling oh I don't think I don't think I've seen an owl bear since like seventh grade oh she can't be lit up for real like that is that awesome yeah that isn't beyond fly Wow okay the fire actually fires the fire fires guys we make way too much money and yeah actually about that so this is the new corporate headquarters for acquisitions incorporated wrong whoo oh this is a Oh Phil summer house wrong wrong hi I recognize it of course you do this is the part of the dark magic estate in New Hampshire like what every from I get ahead of things here you guys actually right now are in fall crest do you remember fall crest I do it's kind of where this whole thing started it's a small town very rustic simple people and in that small simple rustic town is an inn called the silver unicorn that's where you guys have your base of operations it's in the basement for the cellar still fill level pen you're kind of lamenting that fact things have been a little difficult of late your intern went off to Waikiki to surf the wave 9 economy yes he took a bunch of your money yeah that wasn't good mr. stinky he couldn't stick around he just started falling apart we had a theme song for mr. stinky and everything yeah what we can still hear this theme song annoy the thieves on the song sure now it's horrible amidst to the thieves yet try to prevent another energy that actually he demanded a rage it was very hard on us there's mercy he theme song for mr. snake [Music] chewing on an r-13 petrol power bin win is my friend so you guys are sitting around playing three dragon auntie wanna think about the overlay on my dice what I think here we got my dice oh how do you look good as you die look rad what mine look dumb so okay that's that's cool all right are you ready yep great so you're playing killing some time we reject his you touch I took his dice but they're purple and blue and that's just so that's just how we do things no we just touched each other's dice where do we're just dice touches listen he's got a story to tell listen I don't want him here isn't a sad story at all but things things go well they could okay no it's all on you alright I have a tiny step there ready okay but right now things kind of look a little grim cuz you've been in this cellar before it's not particularly pleasant place don't get me wrong with sorry Osterman she's great she looks after you she feeds you you know she makes your beds she cleans your chamber pots and puts on your clothes for you and okay alright getting weirder you get it okay but it turns out she is going off to live with her sister and she's selling the place so you are soon not to even have a crappy what listen we're gonna have to I caught my first kobold STD here what we're gonna have to but forget about the bad stuff you're playing cards down in the table bad huh it was a fun night you're reminiscing about the good old days like that time you went to keep on the shadow fell and you kicked that guy Colorado's ass 6a to Sunday I was awesome good times and you talk about the time when you went to the storm tower and you fought those bandits you know hung upside down on that ladder in Casper I did I had the devil it was such a pleasure to watch you work that day it was a pleasure to work yeah then there was that time he came to the rescue of Inman bronze bottoms father who had given up drinking a hammer hammer every time hammer time that's right book it and forget about all the stuff that happened with the acid Ted is nothing well I forgot about it yeah well how incredibly easy for all of you it was super easy minor setback there was really nothing left yeah what what would we mourn it's like it's like a water drop a super easy cleanup I remember that time that my friend Ben when the dwarf was the only dwarf I really like in the whole world who I care about and would run into acid to save things from instead go get him let's beat it so anyone would never go into acid so I did remember that time I threw the dagger and found the gelatinous cube that you wanted me to run into but then I didn't run into it I actually hit it with a dagger because I'm awesome yeah I remember a lot of stuff what happened to event well let me tell you what happened then I pursued the the man upon whom I had sworn oath of enmity who at the request of my good friend Ben Winn I was chasing yep and then I'm catch him though fail Ben won on that because never got him this is weird what that happened was some [ __ ] put a giant acid pit in the front door of that place in the foyer in the four yaling ysy didn't believe that what if I refuse so why do you even do that sort of thing a man and the facet bid was triggered by a gong because you know that's practical laughs and I went down it and and then as I was struggling to not die in the ass were drooling 19 after 19 after 19 after 19 they put oil on the sides of the pit I remember because right it was redone resonant sound of the gong if I recall correctly from the plans then what happened after that was up my friends continue trying to get magic armor instead of coming to save me no I came down and looted the corpse that's right you did lose the cord but the bad guys did raise you from the dead so that they could they did and then they came back and saved me from hell all right so given Steve I kept like a three-second and then what the Helen saved me I remember a hug last year yeah I remember it too lots of things have happened since then it's been a long year long cold year long year ball can I mention that the bards wrote a song about that event they did oh well good split the party up and got Al killed acquisitions so you're rubbing each other the wrong way Ryan cards when suddenly you hear echoing through the cellar [Music] [Applause] you guys hear you cast a spell to make your fart sound like that is there some troupe of ruffians driving a wagon down the street playing music I need to go yell at them to turn down I always hear people whispering my name oh you guys can hear that - yeah and then suddenly a mouse appears on a wall nearby and says give dark magic I have message for you and then it coughs up something who install the glory hole volleyball and then the mouse disappear my message show the ball there's our mouth disappear Jill is not covered with puzzles y'all ever mail I punch my mouth yeah I had to clamp that mouth yeah yeah that I end up with a couple that's cheating here let Daddy do it you don't know what either I got it I'm really smart my aunt is 10 James I'm writing this letter on a football because we're out of Scrolls Val car was supposed to pick up some at the store but he fell asleep and forgotten sounds like thunder yeah it's kind of a car thing to do he's dreadfully out of sorts these days and more drunk than usual I'm afraid it is with heavy heart that I tell you grandpa Jim has passed on the family gathers presently at the estate in New Hampshire I am sure they would be all sorts of banana pancakes awesome if you if you could join us for the reading of the will all of your cousins are here the living ones anyway my have they grown and fair Olivia has turned into quite the bushy bombshell woo [ __ ] would be tickled to see you I'm sure of course I meant that in the good way not the bad way it's been so long since your last visit I know you find the old house tiresome but I'd be whoops I've run out of football be a good boy and don't keep old snarl waiting buzz grandma oh wow oxen kisses what are you guys doing this weekend I mean I was gonna play some League of Legends yeah I don't want to go is going to make a little show but I'll go with you all right you start to hear screaming outside up the stairs out to the end out into the out in the street somewhere people probably me I'm going to run headlong into danger without thinking once about it so you don't even put your helmet on before you around the stairs in-game the helmet is on because I have a very strong neck in game all right Finland tear ashes up the staircase yeah yeah so look at this runs out I go oh hey look out it might be a stripper - I replace his cards with shitty cards and then follow up the stair straighten my cloak and follow all right I sigh heavily collect myself up from the table and walked slowly up the stairs when you stash a saunter softer softer good out right north day after all the streets are pretty much bare everybody has scattered except for with Sarah who's standing there with her hands on her cheeks the reason everybody has run scared is that there is a big-ass skeletal dragon but with a dragon horn right over Jane what if you order dragon dragon no no oh no this is a deadly foe Oh powerful in life unstoppable in death there the [ __ ] out of here Oh see it's hideous and skeletal okay yeah hey what what what there is a rider on the back of this rotting decrepit skeleton that you recognizes the family carriage this is Kronk Oh crock right guys it's cool it's cool right yeah it's cool it's cool guys yeah you wrote on Kronk a lot as a can hand me and Kronk so no hit we go way back some adventure if ever you happen to know swingy no no he it crunk on Kronk's back is the driver your coachman snarl haha sorry and snarl you know is mute get off that's what you write do that double check I can't believe the Dark Matters can't afford the kind of mute that talks better when they don't talk I'd be a pretty shitty mute leave me the things I've done in the back of Kronk no you don't want somebody talking what happens in Kronk stays in trunk exactly that's my drugs all skeletal and rotting so gross it's so true I'm with you so anyway snarl is extremely old he's been your family coachman since longer than you've been alive sure and he's just they're just sort of looking at the scattering crowds and patiently and he just sort of fixes his eyes on you and doesn't even recognize you at first because you're all like real beard oh ok well yes that would be an incredible beard on the beard scale would you say it's a it's a 10 it's obviously a wheaton yes yeah on the beard scale no that's good oh all right what do you do if anything sub snarl my friends here can we hitch a ride I'm Kronk oh you can't talk just nod once give me one of these or one of these it's cool guys come on get on the dragon now it's been several your walk behind the dragon whatever you do it's been several years since you've had to mount Kronk well I've got a girlfriend now you people come on just a word huh if it's just a word you're doing it wrong [Music] so you're going to make a skill check its athletics or an acrobatic check to the back Imperator both of those this is not necessary and the rest of you can just sort of watch and observe well they're both a fire me go check I'm gonna go acrobatic skill yeah no he's not that's a ten all right Jim has a little bit of problems getting up there he sort of slides down on the rib bones a little bit then he tries to get his grip on some other bone come on people are so fickle and he seems to be struggling a bit having a hard time here guys dragon smaller when I left I'll help him up okay under is your own dragon alright did you give him an automatic +2 on this roll you get to try again there Jim thanks buddy oh [ __ ] I crit wait a minute yeah he gives me a little Christmas goose early you won't have [ __ ] Wiggin yeah all right we have a thing for that you do I just crit that's right crit music music hey how you like that what you another critical year [Music] how much cooler is that right out the gate I'm all ready we are [ __ ] wrecked for all future D&D game my second role my second role so once again you like spin around each rib like it's a stripper pole as you work your way down at the top of the things like you leave through the ribs yes yeah good so once those women find success by walking on the backs of your friends right yeah all right anybody else wish to join him he's right up on top now I will jump up on his Dragon your small of stature but stout of heart yo I'd like to give you a boost hey like Reds dude that's what she said it's not gay if he's fake you saying it it's totally alright yeah alright can I just grab on this Dungeon Master just grab a Hulk you just give him a plus to grab a haunt right one haunch here we go I got a 13 what am i rolling with skill acrobatics or athletics [ __ ] I got a 13 athletics that's 26 Wow alright oh you just claw your way up there pretty Kohi that wasn't a natural funny huh yeah don't give him this song thank you very much good here I'm gonna can you reach down and help me out yeah you won't I do here we go oops [Laughter] dost thou have a song for a critical myth this one's acapella we're going to find it boy are they unprepared I'm not in game you had a 1 and 20 chance to be a loser your lack of luck just makes me water it's really rather scary how we roll that just like that's canonical top gratulations you roll like a girl [Music] it's our character singing that not us me to audit your privilege over there do you fall off I'm not well that's uh you know I'll have you make a saving throw oh it's the straight-up t20 role as you reach over three and fall over listen guys we can't get on the dragon I think we might follow their trouble Dungeon Master you take three points of damage ayoh felt a step to the top of the dragon Alf Alf a steps to the top of the dragon sweet it's what we do take control the high five or is that high five high five can I use my made hands to just grab him and pull him up no because he weighs too much I set you up for that one yeah I knew it only came a little help maybe I mean this little help maybe can grant the he'll help him I'm brushing our hair hide I can push you can you roll that 13 right 15 is that good again this [ __ ] dragon well I don't know the dragon doesn't like you very much whisper to crawl let me make a check want to make a diplomacy check huh we'll call it a moderate DT you got me to roll it yes please all right good Pronk nice Krong 21 okay it forgives you all right iPad it's rotting tendon all right you are now lying at the bottom of the dragon staring up at your friends you got this I got this so good I am going to try to get on this dragon again 23 oh yeah that was a low felt he was very impressed I thought that was the dragon a lot of people think AO felt the dragon that's your nickname in the faith and our jethro tull cover band at the Bay Club you got the Frey club that was made with the fake club oh yeah although the Dragons all rotted out its wings still have all their membranes so it takes off into the air it got all of the people in fall crest stare up at you and one old crone lot on the ground standing next to a Sara shouts up dad Jeff Crone Jam watch out for the ward staff what the beating of the wings I am a exactly Wow watch out for them I don't know what she said yeah we're gonna watch out for him huh I think she said watch out for the wood chips watch out for the hobo is watch out for the woodchucks you didn't make a perception check to see if he got enough what she said woodchucks to be chef dire woodchucks I recognize her by the way she's like this this crazy woman in fall trust to like shuts prophesised night on the streets with a 19 you hear you heard her say warts staffs which is kind of backwards dad now where's the doctor for that it's gone don't worry about it there was a long time ago I got a magical point Minh twice a day but I did it four times make sure yeah so the Wisconsin ward staff oh they are bad news family of necromancer's oh I hate those guys yeah yeah you guys I saw a lot of necromancer's when I was in hell yeah when you were Nam yeah yeah no not Nam hell Nam was hell or hell yeah necromancer's are dicks you guys necromancer's AFL just stares off the wings beating beneath him his silvery hair blowing out behind him a thousand square stare in his eyes [Music] he feels nostalgia as standard action [Music] a single tear falls from his his perfectly black org Euler eye and turns into a diamond as the wind catches and carries no we can't make our [ __ ] turn in a diamond skin Wayne you got a role for that I'll give you the nostalgia I don't know is racing by pretty fast it could have been a precious areola you have my favorite minstrels guys here these scissor awesome one bourbon one Scotch and one B I heard those Mistral's opened for Jonathan of Colton long time ago in the village of palm let you guys probably don't remember now suddenly it was a hipsters suddenly the dragon races across the landscape bearing you safely neverending story style to your destination [Applause] what sets you up he spiked it yeah and eventually bears you to the familiar lands at least familiar to him of New Hampshire yep and settles down in front of a vast sprawling mansion that has withstood the passage of many generations of great dark magic wizards Wow so your Grandpa's name was Jim as well yeah it's a family name his father's name was Jim as well are you Jim dark magical third I am is it like a real pretty mansion it's pretty nice it's not the nicest mansion but it's a mansion I guess even in fantasy land you're rich about Adwords you can't ever be poor anywhere no they have a family song [Music] we are the dark magics come see our bitchin house our favorite guns gun and he loves to masturbate all day after day all day masturbate all day [Music] would you like that rock that's not canonical Wow what you guys would you guys like to dismount yeah I want to Fred Flintstone off this [ __ ] yeah you can make you can all roll at the same time I'm going to roll the dabba athletics or acrobatics you need to climb down or leap down 19 splendid 23 hey step you can face up again that quick yeah oh yes needs like 5 minutes in a sandwich that's impressive and what are you what's my seriously nothing's wrong what's wrong with you 14 for that 14 yeah they're pretty good I heard that was it no audience is 14 good enough somebody tried to help you out with dc-10 somebody down here is like dc-10 yeah it's too tall alright guess what man you land on your feet in a pile of dragon food big pile dragon poop a spectral dragon fruit yes it doesn't come off no okay you notice as you make your way toward the entrance of this grand house that there's a bunch of crates like big black boxes being transported into the house like there's been some sort of delivery or something you're not sure what are in these gigantic boxes but they're being piled up in the central foyer and there is a tiefling sort of supervising as these boxes are brought in and he sort of looks at the dragon as he's at land but he's trying to get you notice he's not paying any attention to really anything because he's holding a decanter in his hand that is empty except for a little dribble of what looks like ale at the bottom and he swings it and he holds the empty decanter and it starts to fill up a little bit oh I knew you'd like that delicious hey finland been winner Baylen go be friends with that guy hmm so I wander over to this tea thing all right he's there who or there's 5,000 pounds of hamburger haha this day is getting better and better [Laughter] who are you short dwarf I am Volkov the magnificent now car is your ale magnificent my ale is not great no but it's plentiful yeah but my face buds were burnt off in an accident years ago well I along with my dignity I just flew in from fall crest and boy are my arms tired and I would like a sip of your ale Quinn's dormancy check a what a diplomacy check sure no prob intimidate if you prefer well hold on let's take a look at intimidate all intimidate that's more of a give me your goddamn ale so I yeah I that's a that's a nineteen I will choose me to twenty all right so I say drinking on the job give me that good thing all right he's so startled he sort of lets it go but you catch it right all right let me take a little nip over your shoulder he sees you yes master doc doc are you have Dane to return at five well too slow Joe I get him every time with that one he says be alright they didn't say anything about friends listen his plane room they could stay in my place it'd be cool mmm all right whatever I don't suppose he told you what he did to me it's not important so no I didn't say goody let me let me ask you a question Falk are the Magnificent he's not magnificent he's right did he do something that ended with you at the bottom of a pool of acid if no then not a [ __ ] is given this day [Applause] I was a magician at a 6th birthday party ha ha ha I was better than him at 6 because you made fun of every trick I did you said that's not magic true wasn't you wound me says where's my flat Oh Alf L took it he's got it more like nail fell don't give him that that's how it is and then he says and I've lost the receipt for all of these Sam burger I don't even know who ordered it I am a worst Butler than I am a magician [Laughter] and he does he goes tumbling off somewhere he's good guy yeah pretty not really less flask free Alice last for us all right friendship friendship drinking from the class I'd like you guys to put your figures in the grand foyer of the house if you would anywhere is fine look at this way and feel excited huh you haven't had good luck with boys me will so place playful and early once if this is the Grand Palais is there a lesser foyer a L fire there are no fewer than six ways in this house this is the only one with a gong [Applause] I joke I joke paperboy is what does it always have to be for years there's a fire burning in the fire pit my protein when you see the fire actually lights up as I see it knuckle and then there are stuffed horriffic animals sort of posed around the room a direwolf weighed iron bear eye all that dramatically appropriate votes hmm yes and as you are settling in there are a pile of crates sort of being piled up in the middle of the room yeah you can even smell the hamburger coming out through the wood it smells raw though like it's uncooked robble robble you should go stand on top of that hamburger and if Jim set you on fire and it'll be like a hamburger barbeque you're know coming coming down the stairs is a dwarf yeah mr. Purdy yeah he's got some saw down in his hair but he's very good-looking like strapping and muscular and strong you're on vacation I'll take what I can get my vacation up Shire stays in you he comes strutting down the stairs and you recognize him as dim Z dim Z then Z and dim Z and ouack that's my name jeez almost a dim Z Iron Chef I did you kid I totally did Tim Z and Jeff this person ingredients to our bear and he says match the dark magic good to see you man hey pal what's up you're looking good yeah Tim Z thank you I'm gonna win I'm a handy dwarf I'm a handsy dwarf it happens fast he's having so bad listen careful with dim Z alright just easy okay yo you get right to it yeah you want to go bang some rocks uh no I'm going to write that many of unfortunately I'm on the job come on on the job later man I don't know what you're passing up here no after we win you can go bang rocks all you want alright later gives you cut him some slack give him some time to least move his bags in alright I'm not pushing I'll go put away my tool oh but I'll be back to you later awesome I want to see your jewels in can't beat so much intense heat yes it is rather warm here in New Hampshire the humidity is a little deadly it's not like the west coast at all everything is comfortable and it's Sunshine's every day you notice that as you're wanting near the hamburger that the family cat has also taken into this bounty that is arranged in the middle of the foyer you know the family cat's name is Gygax give him a little fridge yeah it's just like and then it sees you and it comes up to you and it's sort of you know rubs it's like no body right and then you hate caps bin win hates cat I love cats I sell a lot of books you put a cat on the book everybody wants to buy it and then surprisingly it just brings up into your arms holman like right into your arms it's not it's not agitated by the holy symbol not at all all right I just just to make sure I press the holy symbol around at strategic locations just to make sure okay all right so it's good it's a real cat like I said looking at Reggie sorcerous cat-like cap all right it is a ritzy me by all accounts to be a real cat you can make a nature check and that will assure you be I'm satisfied I just I set him up on the shoulder I just kind of let him hang out there walk back and forth okay when he needs and Gygax the cat is happy to meet you [Laughter] [Applause] all right so but you notice that you haven't seen any members of the dark magic family yeah anywhere hmm uh when you look up the stairs you can see is your family I don't care you get along with your family not especially Oh bad blood a little bit okay up the stairs about it those of you who care can see a gigantic crystal ball like it's bigger it's taller than you are sitting in this great ornate device and it's giving off all kinds of weird colors and energy and behind it are shelves like it's part of a library although surprisingly when you look up that those shelves used to be packed with all kinds of magical tones that people read now they've been picked clean to change my room it took all my posters down maybe maybe that's like a workout room or sometimes you also noticed that some of the furniture that you remember is gone hmm yeah it's not quite like I remember guys we had even more cool [ __ ] than this and then sort of coming out from an upstairs room and drifting down the balcony is this beautiful charming lovely girl with silver gray hair she's human but she seems to have gone completely silver gray in her youth and she can't be more than 20 or so and my cancer this is the Olivia mentioned on the magical ball yes indeed and this this absolutely busty not bushy young girl [Laughter] that's right [Laughter] [Applause] Reading Is Fundamental chair I had a much different image in my head of family it's busty yeah she seemed with a great grace like music just likes to play with every footstep I'm trying Shiva needed my cousin dude I know that what's making it so hard word and he stands on the balcony and she says Oh Jim Olivia remember when we used to kiss in your bedroom closet hey you sure you're not from Arkin Hampshire I don't remember that at all let's shut up I'm dumb I didn't do that my brother Percival will be so pleased to see you he wasn't expecting you at all I'm sure all right he says where she says we are just waiting for the arrival of mr. Kammen to read our grandfather's will well I'm ready for that part and I'm out of here she says who are your friends this is my friend Ullman I'm his boss actually this is my friend Ben win how's it going and is my friend out my name is AO fell she does he just died huh he's cool now though she says do you have last names ill from money I'm sorry it will bother well master l Romani man friends engine uh welcome to our house she says there is something that I should mention to you because it might seem awkward later my brother was cursed when he was a young boy by a member of the wart staff family as a consequence he can neither see nor hear faith [Laughter] and we might have a neck curse at all tell you this Don't Ask Don't Tell policy we need he/she says I hope you don't find it terribly awkward perhaps he won't find a terribly awkward if I don't acknowledge him either and she says the rest of the family has gathered in the dining room all right we'll go in there would you take my hands in No [Laughter] all right she will graciously usher you past the hamburger crates into the dining room tote you can just put your figures in here you might want to grab the other ones should I just save you some time and bring all the monsters in now here is Olivia she is going to sit next to Jim she can sit between there we go and I can ask incredibly awkward questions all through dinner you've noticed that standing in a corner here watching you nervously as you come in is a suit of armor and its head sort of moves and squeals back and forth Jim when you come into the room it starts to get really really nervous and it's just such the sort of shiver you used to torture clatter be when you were a boy did I ever wow that's kind of cool yeah wait so you grew up with an animated suit of armor you didn't I didn't even grow up with parents there's a sad queue if ever I heard one why do you think I'm so emo all the time it's not just a humorous affectation to win the loyalty of the audience at the end of the table sits your grandmother Delores and you can see that uh she and this has been true for years she hasn't put her face on quite right so it's sort of splits lip slit and peeled off on the corner just as a heads up guys my grandma's a real dick okay yeah [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Olivia's brother her cousin or your cousin Percival is seated at the table and looks shocked and horrified when you walk-in up Percy and then he looks even more shocked and horrified when he sees that you have brought strangers and he says really mother he said what he said well you're not sure he won't ask him i I'm what you say about my friends Percy he says I didn't think you would be here yeah I'm here and actually I brought more people than you even know about [Laughter] he's always you've always thought you could do whatever you wanted I know I can your dumb says I don't know what you're expecting shit-ton a goal and you are going to be gravely disappointed I will see about that bin win farts do you have a mini for the farts as ever I it's shaped it's shaped like a direwolf oops he's not there there are some other figures around you see your aunt oh yeah you see your aunt Wanda who is Percival's mother and Olivia's mother you see your aunt Gorgon I will go Corrigan Gorgon yikes when you look at you see that Gorgon is actually a lovely woman from a distance of about ten feet away but she's got this bizarro headdress that's like a mobile it's got little parts that sort of swing and move around and her face as you get close up there's something a little odd about it and when you look it's like she's got ants crawling around on it ooh real butter face but now it's not answering exactly al fell with your keen sharp eyes and been when with your low-light vision you see that her hat is made up of little cranes and there are tiny little microscopic people running around or hanging off her face with basically fixing it oh I do not want to sit by her no and all she says when you come in is she turns to the grandmother Dolores and says my children will be along shortly and you know her children are wretched and hideous ok apple doesn't fall far from the tree when you see or when wretched walks into the room she is their names that's bananas you're just figuring that out now aren't you you see that wretched dark magic is a willowy statuesque girl very physically attractive it would seem except she's wearing a mask a silver mask over her face her brother hideous is only 12 years old you see that when he enters he just looks like your normal 12 year old spoiled brat but he's got a swarm of snakes following him what the [ __ ] it's like your family's weird maybe why don't go home oh and did I mention there was a stuff eagle in this room I kind of buried the lead on that all right and as you sort of settle down in the table there is a knock at the door outside blah blah blah blah blah narrative narrative narrative suddenly the drunk tiefling Butler comes blundering in with a man who appears to be made out of stone but he moves and he walks and this is the family lawyer mr. Kong does he walk in sort of a I don't know Gollum II kind of gate yes okay I recognized him and he parks himself at the end of the table Paul Carr the Magnificent standing in the doorway says well my work is done if you need nothing from me that's great [ __ ] you [Laughter] [Applause] and he blunders out and mr. Khan he pulls out a stone tablet you don't know where he pulled it out from and he begins to read the good part guys you're a grandpa was loaded all of the family has been waiting long for this and he says I James Tarkanian dark magic first you're not my grandpa [Applause] your grandmother says oh really Jane he's not grandma and even tricking you what have you been doing my grandma ha ha banging Ravi can look at your comedy acting puppet show later I told you she was a lich may I continue whatever here by declare this to be my last will and testament to my darling wife Dolores I leave the ancestral mausoleum and my financial investment portfolio to Martha your mother is not here Wanda other aunt who breaks into tears at this moment and gorgon your girlfriend no the unhappy widows of my three dear boys I leave the sun the moon and the skies is that like nothing it's like a metaphor okay do without glass you well yikes to my granddaughter Olivia I leave my hope that you will find the Wizard of caring demeanor and firm wand to marry and to love someone with an appreciation for great beauty and caution to balance your wild nature till my granddaughter's totally kill wretched and grandson hideous I leave nothing but the wish that you grow up to become powerful wizards and masters of your own fortunes beyond the reach of your miserable and undeserving mothers grasping talons grandpa laid it out droppings inside until to my grandson change my third Jim a poop to that that's for about 11 of you I leave the remainder of my worldly possessions including my name the family estate and household staff in new Hobbit Shire Krunk the dragon my cat Gygax awesome and my secret chest oh I didn't even know about that Jess [Laughter] you above all others carry the burden and the promise of the dark magic legacy guarded well as I have done will grandpa kill me the golem will take it he'll put the slab where the Sun don't shine and he proceeds to get up at which point Percival hello what about me am I not mentioned at all I know he can't hear me so I say you'll get nothing and like it [Laughter] the golem says and who are you exactly I'm with Jim dark magic Percival dark magic oh right sorry I thought you were talking to me thing I'm sorry there is no mention of you but I was his apprentice for three years three he made me clean his chamber pots well then there's my chamber pots you're welcome to keep cleaning [Laughter] [Applause] you you who wander off and leave me here you how dare he said that chess would be mine someday you even know about the chest it was secret I totally knew about the chest I would the only one who knew about the chest my chest now offering you a cushy chamber pot job well actually not too fishy I'd say sweet for lunch my stuff goes right through you the chest of the Golem opens up a little bit of steam comes out and there is a small replica platinum and gold jewel encrusted chest about this big that he takes out and puts at the end of the table and then he also pulls out of a compartment somewhere else a small little key and he puts it down I snatch him both up all right Perceval is beside himself you see he was sort of flexing his wand it just and such a Hufflepuff that guy and then he throws the remains across the table right into your chest Lee and then the golem turns around in these alright I want to pop the top on this Jeff and granny Delores says Oh James you always wanted to open your Christmas presents early you should wait it's a private moment no I'm opening here oh goody she says and she says I hope it's banana bread I wish your mother was here but alas she's upstairs oh all right you know your mother ever since you left she has been in this sort of perpetual state of delirium or she doesn't she seems to exist in another reality completely she refers to things that aren't there people who aren't there she doesn't know who you are so you might see her you might not whatever yeah Sookie Locke yes as soon as you put the key in the chest does not open however a larger version of that chest materializes on the table in front of you Ripoff you badly got to see the gym dark magic magic I did yeah it's amazing oh man you appraised that big chest is being worth about twenty-five thousand gold pieces oh just the chest itself is worth that the little ones worth about $5 care about that's yes I got leaps off your shoulders and like sort of studies the chest and sniffs it and all I kind of think as intrigued by it as you are apparently man and you can see all of your cousins are kind of craning in them you know we don't have to open this here I think we should put this on the back of your dragon no okay now I want everyone to see the cool [ __ ] I just got and then they could all get out of my house all right you open up the big chest which hasn't locked inside you see three books they all tried to go together in a set box you know what books are books vaguely and their dusty and old and kind of crappy looking ie but they got great titles I picked the books up and set them aside to see if there was anything under the books all right cat will go over sniff the books you see Olivia and Percival look with great interest Percival actually is not really looking with great interest he thinks you were just a total bastard you're not very nice and you see there's nothing else in the chest really feel around in there though III want to check for secret compartments oh very good all right perception yes so this compartment is actually a double secret it's a secret within a secret 17 all right you do find a secret compartment at the bottom Oh a wand flicks up in the air ascension all right interestingly interestingly lately enough you think this might be your granddad's wand and yeah Binh Minh is like wow stick great yeah fantastic but there's nothing else in the department all right I love the titles of the books they say the manual of awesome Volume one what manual of awesome value volume two and number three a trilogy you can make an arc on Oh check anybody can make an arc on a check actually but what check an arc on a check if you don't want to make one bin win it's okay 27:30 now 38 [Music] right I rolled a 16 with 20 okay well done you to know that these books are epic that they are anybody who read these books these books basically gets magically dumped with all of the knowledge of like a hundred different Wizards I grab awesome volume too because I know that the second one of the trilogy is usually the best [Applause] now when I take all night scanning for Dagobah yeah as you sort of flip through you become instinctively aware that if you read this book from front to back you could probably do it in a night you will become so awesome that normal people couldn't handle it you think you think that this goes a long way toward explaining something you'd always suspect that your grandfather was an arch wizard by the time he was about 21 and there's no way he could have done that with book-learning I mean let's take a but you think if he had had a book like this and read it he may have just got enough power up to like master wizard status these books are exactly what I need to take my show to the next level these books are like skipping 11 levels Wow whoa it's like those incredible CDs but wait yeah man make no only right what's that holy and magic though right no for reals but know what I mean like if I've been win read the books I wouldn't become a better dwarf you totally would because these books are not all just about Matt I don't get about being over there about being awesome hey there listen um if you have to have explained to you why an awesome book makes you awesome maybe you're not ready to read it I just wanted to make sure that I didn't multi-class accidentally that happened to a guy in new one [Laughter] and it caused a lot of friction at home now here's the catch there's always a catch right once you read the book it disappears so so grandpa couldn't read the books not unless he recovered them because he probably dedicated you know 21 to 65 or whatever 755 whoever getting those books back because in the wrong hands what that was a pointed look at you would me yeah I look at all of you and I thought where you came first looked at us you in the wrong hands like say in the hands of a wart staff who they could be bad news no good yep um which occurs to you as all of these strange people that you haven't met and had okay here I put the book back in the chest the other catchers there's only three of them I love for me I'm no problem what you say it's enough for me wait you don't know how to read right I can read I'm hooked on phonics so like if you were to take Volume one and read that it would be gone somebody else could take volume two and get as much awesome as you well sure but I could also read walk volume one through three right you totally could yeah keep them off yourself don't worry you could share yeah with my friends maybe your grandpa will leave you something rad remember that car in the storm tower and then you guys were going to die and then I saved you memorize it more than happened it was pretty awesome Jim has almost no memory well let me react knack it for you with puppets no ring a bell it was pretty awesome I mean it's the sort of thing that someone I don't know Mike how Jim likes it hot bat for your granny says but the baby was awesome your Aunt Wanda's still crying by the way she doesn't seem to be happy about anything but your your grandmother says well now that that's over with perhaps we should talk about the summer retreat but taking the house to Neverwinter something well sometimes we take the house on vacation take the whole house on vacation traveling house really you guys didn't have a traveling house just getting weird now well let me I says I didn't have a house I slept underneath a tree I live it we have a couple trees on the ground put these books in your box close the lid of the box remove the key swallow the key get the [ __ ] on this dragon let's get out of here you're every person in your family is batshit Loco some of them don't have heads some of them have heads that are being professionally rebuilt some of them are tiny children made out of snakes listen you have dinner and then we can go [Applause] Olivia says that would be very civilized of you and it's been so long since we've seen you James W I kinda want to see the walking house doesn't walk oh it just sort of travels through interdimensional space Jim did you hear the story about the guy who inherited everything at a dinner where he was surrounded by jealous crazy relatives and then they went insane and tried to kill him and his friends doesn't ring a bell it's a story we used to tell when we were growing up in the forest or we didn't have houses or parents we entertained ourselves with imaginary tales imaginary tales of a people friends who said perhaps we should leave it's called the tales of my round well guys that's my cat have some dinner we wanted to spend the night eat and we'll go it'll be cool Jim did you hear the story of the guy who inherited everything and then the crazy family no not tried to poison hold on I can hold anybody here to try to do anything bad No he is fine but being such babies Hey we do have all that hamburger and I raise your hand if you've died once before does anybody else at the table researchable says ignoring you well I'm not gonna sit at the same table yeah that's good you can [ __ ] at he says you and your three friends 400 yeah you and your six two friends eight there's a Fae guy on your lap right now [Applause] AFL stands up walks behind Percival and he just sort of stands behind Percival's chair and does this [Applause] [Music] [Applause] it's aerobic again you are not worthy of our signified men yeah you are not worthy to call yourself a dark magic and he gets up and leaves almost bump bumping into you and then he just feels like he's bumped into doesn't know what he's bumped into but he's so flustered he takes his cape and her on that yes by the way you used to lock Percival in a closet when you were younger yeah yeah as Percival walks by me I would like to attempt to trip him okay well let me assess Percival watch out 15-plus what would that be like a you're basically making an attack room yeah yes 15-plus whatever my basic attack bonus is basic yeah where is that did I mention I haven't played me in deity here yeah and I'm not really gonna swear off of any on him as much as I'd like but what's happier level that's five my level is fine your strength modifier and my strength modifier is five so that's 225 also he can't see me yeah you understand yeah yeah he doesn't recognize faint marriage [Laughter] man that doesn't fire talking despite Olivia's warnings he goes face-planting down into the into the tile floor Olivia gets up out of her chair and rushes over to her thirsty and I catch him I catch Jim and I Olivia looked at you and he says she says you are very very cruel cruel preacher Diane change is a man baby she says life outside these walls has made you cruel to Jim dark magic oh yeah Wow and she helps her brother up whispers something in her brother's ear her brother will feign you know mortal injury as he's hauled away clatter be will come over and provide a shoulder for Percival to rest his hand on and the three of them will all leave Oh like a southern belle car all right Val car arrives we're ready to eat man you are and yeah we want to get out of here before it gets dark magic magic he says no problem I'll get on that right away you've got yourself a chest stuck no Olivia that is your grandfather's just no yeah that's right it is yeah so you got that book saying lucky bastard I get the book he says you'll be great wizard one day Jim dark magic would you Dale but you'll never know the damn trick are you kidding that's like a staple of my ass what yeah it's dubbed tricks all day long stop Doug Doug that's all I do people love it you stole my dumb trick you bastard listen you did not invent dubs how do you know I could have invented us know you're gonna read the world what do I got here mmm where'd my class go this is what it sounds like windows I love you too dark magic don't let anyone tell you otherwise all right never change buddy it'll be right out one of them allow spit in it it won't be right out I'm just letting you know hey Howard all they do is spit in having me showed you guys my crystal ball don't you have to ha ha ha the Sun sets time passes you're sitting around the table awkwardly with your crying aunt Wanda your facially reconstructed and Gorgon her two children you see hideous is under the table playing with his snakes wretched is sitting quietly just sort of twirling her hair wearing her mask over her face may I use the face and grandma Dolores is does anyone know anything about financial portfolios I'm not sure ma'am my end is Jim James grandma well now the house is yours yeah I trust that you won't mind if I stay in my small corner well I was been meaning to talk to you about that grandma [Applause] a dwarf oxen hey I heard there was a party here well no I see it lives up to all the dark magic expectations dark magic expectation we're all sitting here rolling for not having a good time he says you want a good time yeah cue the music alright it's not my style but I'll roll he will hopped up on the table and he will start kicking up his legs yeah now you show you how to ORS do it alright we get up there with them yeah well that's an 18 all right and my in my athletics is a 13 all right so you're looking good that's a bigger number than 18 now when you Adam yeah all right San Diego is a troll bears on the dining room table and can you sink the bronze bottom family song sure everybody's died so until our tears are dried will drink the drink and drink the drink and then we'll drink some more well they're to take advice too till the earth borders hike tomorrow I'll bring up a story in once again hey [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right the as this happens uh aunt Gorgon is sickened and she excuses herself and her cranes go wildly around her head as she sits up and little bodies go flying off in all directions and then she she says wretched hideous come with me this entertainment is not worthy of honey and she and her spawn will depart probably because she knows more than anybody that dinner isn't likely to arrive any time soon but they go at the back door it's roughly at that point as soon as they leave when everything changes around you and the table begins to shake and the pictures on the wall begin to reverberate and I'm making I make a side note to Jim I say isn't your aunt Delores part wart staff her grandma cause it isn't your grandma married to a ward staff no but that's a fine fine guess Delores wart staff married into the dark magic family by marrying his grandfather because she wanted to get away from the family okay it wasn't there was no alliance there she is an exile basically okay it's this kind of world-building that makes book for the dark magic sagas such a slog hahaha well good news Jim Jim Ben win yeah deal you begin to realize very quickly that the entire house is shaking in its foundations like it is going somewhere yeah and walking house does it walk you all begin and everybody in the room seems very surprised by this nobody knows what's going on and then you hear this horrible ripping sound like part of the house is being torn off and you know that song on it I'm gonna go ahead I'm gonna shoot straight with you guys that noise does not usually happen but ever tell you the story about the guy who inherited everything from his family and then he listened to his friends and left before the house ripped himself in half - yeah because it hasn't been written yet thanks Jim but it quickly becomes apparent that something is horribly horribly wrong the house has left New Hampshire and it seems to be tearing itself to pieces oh well is there an observation deck where I can see its feet unexpected it doesn't have it magically moves okay does your magic ball have anything to do with any of this how do you move the house when you move the house you know that the big ball that's basically what people use to control the house when a big ball is where we steer the house from okay you guys that's more than that guys I must be perfect ball guys I know a guy who used to drive a spaceship that's basically a house [Applause] [Music] you hear what is hard to the house become broken off like the house that's probably the crappy parts so we should get to the ball yeah if you want to make an Arcana check anyone you can start ascertain what's going on fin win don't bother oh you never know that's amazing 6:34 i won t you think you think you're in deep [ __ ] you think that the house isn't just breaking up like parts of it are being sheared off and sent different destinations which has never been done before to the best of your knowledge and maybe never will be done again unless you do something about it well if you think scaling the parties bad splitting the house and I know what I'm talking about I stand up ladies gentlemen organisms it's been an absolute pleasure and I run out of the rough where's that [ __ ] dragon alright when you run out of the room you can see through the big glass iron covered windows that lead to the gardens of the dark magic estate that you are hurtling through some sort of void that New Hampshire is gone looking up its we're surrounded by it yeah you are in transit you were kind of rushing through nuff said yeah so you're trapped well I want to make my way to oh you can also tell that the house has been sheared off like here so basically is this ring we caught this room and this room yeah the rest of the house is gone somewhere else right will you come out we're get that key out of the box I've got the key in my pocket do you have the box well then don't I have the key they can't get into it without the key I pick up the box one little way little box like when euro box when he removes can I when I run after them to become a little box like we put me in the doorway uh-oh are you the one that looks like a woman that's the one don't touch me they're bringing big strong dwarf outs as soon as you run out we're realizing right away what's going on you say Percival up there Olivia next to him damn it Percy Gandhian lazar now clatter be god damn it standing at the top of the stairs god [ __ ] damn it and when you come out part of he just sort of looks nervously at Percy Percy is doing his thing in front of the great ball he's got a big staff out and he's just told oh come on got a big staff out he said pumping it full of energy [Applause] for the second time and the ball is going wild and keep going yeah exactly and what were you doing Peter north I just wanted to don't act like you don't get what that joke means hey Olivia tell your stupid brother to knock it off she says I tried gym I tried purse he says give me the box gym give me the box we're all driving this house into the offense what box don't you lie to me you guys know what box give me loss the chest for the books you [ __ ] oh no he stops he holds his staff out in your direction and he says 48 inches bunny weight morning you got I have the one I have the little box 3-1 yes you do he won't see me he cannot see you so um I spirit the little box beneath my cloak okay and then I step out to here mm-hmm and I hold the box up sort of in a mocking jaunty box I toss it from hand to hand ah he moves over to the top of the stairs Olivia behind him and he immediately begins casting a spell it sounds like mage hand whoa hold on I got this guy's okay Percy you are surrounded by my say army [Laughter] [Music] they're all thing Olivia says don't listen to him in Olivia haha and I really thought that was gonna work Percy he whispers to you he turns to his sister and says where and she sort of guides his staff in your direction obviously the house has moved to Germany everybody roll initiative Oh 18 plus my initiative modifier of 725 Wow [Applause] [Music] 2424 how'd you do Allman Jerry I'm at 14 okay 18 all right hail fell as she is well you know you know I'm sorry you get to go first I swear oh the enmity on Percy okay I look at him and from the darkness Percy hears [Music] Oh [Applause] Oh [Applause] welcome so what happens enjoy it does anything happen oh yeah he gets out now um I'm going to try to remember what I can do I'm gonna moves so what I want to do is get like you know here behind him I can do that in one thing right yeah totally him great thing yeah one thing yeah I can actually I can BAM pretty well now so where's my you are 5 10 15 17 squares away from that destination okay so come on nerds help me so my movement is saying you can do 10 okay great so I'm gonna move I'll move ten one two three special six seven eight nine ten I'm gonna get you already split the I'm gonna get that one did we're in the same room the big look mister rolls initiative in the team's I don't need you to tell me where I can go head of asset opens up underneath [Applause] I hate this and I'm going to uh and can I can I can I could attack him right I can I can you can totally do something cool great everybody in this room is waiting for yes cool then then I I use I use a divining I use that right oh wait we got a thing don't as a daily [Music] is melora's okay no no that's it I don't really have any melee I mean I don't really have any range of things except like like basic thing I don't look I don't see that it's not I'm telling you okay guys remember all right so I wait Dean Dean we'd have heckler number game three everything's great isn't this fun aren't you guys glad you waited in line for this hey you know what I'm gonna do yes I'm gonna delay alright cuz I've been doing that really well you have you ready your action I'm gonna ready in action Ben win wait I can I go before you I can really no you're 18 no but I'm 24 him like I want to look your villain go oh that's the pre action you wait one permission to attack the female [Laughter] graphic you go through gym it'll be fine huh you'll be fine got the gym when has it ever worked poorly for you all right what do you want me to do just get ready for the gym dark magic so if you want me to move do you want delay delay your app delay hi delay all right the bad guys go knock [ __ ] oh it's cool all right no it's not that's fine Olivia will read her brother's hand so the wand wand staff takes aim at UAF nose at Olivia Olivia the [ __ ] let's go throw my accent you're gonna throw your axe 30 squares I can I run a bunch and I can throw it 20 that's pretty far yeah that's pretty far a big hot bolt of lightning here leaps out of the end of the staff strikes LFL rolls okay [Laughter] rolls a 32 versus your reflux my hip yeah I totally miss me says right here my reflux is a thousand does he does he get any benefit for his Jazzercise headband that's actually a very good question Thank You Bard do I get a benefit for my chest fly's head pin yes but not around him oh because he can't see you okay it falls you get a pluck any roller from that case I will get hit by him there's nothing I can do I don't have all right looks how much does he hit before he hits you 4-0 does he preserve here he hits you for 22 points of damage really are you sure you kiddin that'll sting you and fell no ouch pretty bad okay all right look out I'll stop oh wait don't and here's here's the bad news he doesn't stop zapping you lightning continues to pulse out of his staff that you have ongoing lightning damage [ __ ] hi [Laughter] I'm like Christie Canyon and what big asses to see that's a stereotype well that's why he doesn't know that's a historical fact all right at that time Olivia hmm she has a wand which she will pull draw forth and she will point it at the stuffed animal beside you Oh more precisely next to bin win and when she hits the stuffed animal it animates hold on tikka we've done this room in our guild in Uttar team don't worry I've tanked this I know what to do all right I'm gonna handle it just like I did that last raid I'm gonna watch Voyager on Netflix and kind of pay attention [Music] kind of paying attention is the best way to enjoy Voyager [Applause] does a 21 hid your armor class no all right the jaws of the wolf snap at you but you deflect them easily uh Olivia says clatter B don't let them get up here and she will just stay where she is what would you like to do Jim Jim Fregosi from inside his cloak a loser e key okay which he uses to unlock and a loser e gates and cast arcane gates so I'm going to open a portal between where bin one is standing and nineteen twenty yeah [Applause] I pushed the door open [Applause] [Music] [Applause] please beat the [ __ ] out of my cousin and yes I did just blow it daily all right bin win I believe you have an action prepared well [ __ ] now I only need to move one that's is this back to me uh technically there's no banner you kind of Deeley here all right well [ __ ] hey take it easy I had to go to 13 years of cartooning school for you guys to yell D&D moves at me this is my job this committed and there's no way I can take longer the side that will did so Oh no but you just did all right just scared [Laughter] since this guy is attacking my friend I'm gonna take them down with the takedown strike trigger you hit an enemy adjacent E with an attack oh that's just a [ __ ] no action bonus I get to do something else hold on hey okay here we go you ready let's do this [ __ ] I love it 12 plus 16 versus armor class okay you hit yeah I know the drama what do you do well first I do a [ __ ] ton of damage it's the best kind uh 21 points oh now this is a takedown strike so I sweep the legs Johnny mercy no mercy he takes extra damage from the triggering attack equal to the ability modifier used in the trigger triggering attack I believe was strength strength he'll that's an extra ten holy somebody been working out and he is not thrown alright does he fall down the stairs and landed my feet and I use the miner action to look over him and say please state the nature of the medical emergency alright as the as he falls over the Lightning blast that was targeting you just sort of goes up into the air and as it does it blows a hole a crease right through the ceiling okay that's less good and gold falls out my bag my gold though because my attack triggered it hey open the gate so you can get over there but it was mine it's my house it's all my gold yes a rainfall of gold cascades down and just sort of falls around you a LaFell like the golden shower and then sadly it stops visit does it get in his hair nice glasses [Laughter] his jams were scientific his gender size headband keeps it out of his eyes splat yeah I'm a maniac thank you for bringing your children to porn indeed a LaFell are you content to still stand by and hold direction yeah I got you know a Oh feels the stabbing he's not a throwing don't wait feud is your money Opie a walk up to an enemy Jim did you want to walk into her you liking by the animated will second bite you oh I'm gonna use my move action okay I'm good it's why I'm complete all right sorry your turn that's fine so it's just me and this dog just you and the bitey dog I opened it magic gate for you I can't walk through it without being bitten by the huge dog you would provoke a Navi yes exactly that's what I'm talking about um you know what that's fine um I'm gonna step back mm-hmm which is to say shift and I will dismiss this creature to the voyage all right you have to make an attack role on that I do it's wisdom versus will how that I'll surrender will be what do you say as you dismiss it if you win I stand I pull back and my hammer is itself my holy symbol and I say go away Oh 29 versus we'll all right it is hurled into the void and disappeared but nobody's doing a voice right here yeah so he just appears out here he's about 20 feet away I can see him being at the gate I'm gonna go ahead and use my delayed action Olivia effect mr. Murphy I'm gonna face that but since I'm Fay stepping toward my oath of enmity target I gain an extra five squares so I get going hell yeah yeah so I'm fairly certain that that makes it possible for me to go he's like um you know I don't wanna be there so I want to be like okay is that count yeah I do that that's perfect so I'm going to do that and uh so that was a move and that was a standard an affray you have action points Ted and I'm an action point so that yeah that's right I can boy I'm an action point to use aspect of might yeah so this is a free weapon plus whiz plus for damage and then until the end of the encounter again a +5 power bonus to athletics to power to speed and a +2 power bonus to the damage rules of melee attack Wow so this is yes if you remember it right right somebody out there help me make sure I don't forget any of that stuff plus I get a poem I add my in and I play I add my intelligence modifier to damage against my oath of enmity target every time a different opponent hits me so that's good and I'm just trying to see what this is this is a versus AC so simple I'm not done really William this is an old die I've had it since I was 14 oh is that the black arrow this is indeed the black arrow black arrow fly true that's gonna be 26 versus ace yeah come on yes wizard all right but only because only because he knocked this story ask from so here's a day exactly and then it's not the first time I've double-teamed somebody with a faith [Applause] and I thought this is a 3d 8 plus 10 damage so it's seen 12 plus another five 17 27 now damage against him and that was the daily power aspect of my lady gentleman aspect of knives all right with two big hits you have bloodied percival dark magic what's the first time mean if a guy have bloody to get too much jail too much you lost them you lost him you made him turn on Wow never go yet huh all right everyone is yeah nothing all right what's next next Friday morning let's see you delayed you delayed you delayed Percy will cry out okay okay I've had enough stop stop I'm Betty sigh Betty's shoot a straight yeah he's got blood running down his face from getting smacked in the head he's got Stabbin aided by mr. super mighty here yes you can see he's a total puss and he as a gesture just sort of hurls his staff down the staircase and Olivia Olivia does nothing except kneel down and sort of cradle over her you know wounded do I know how to operate this sphere you've never done it but you believe that using one of the family's staves would help you do that and all right one of them well I'll pick up the state and I'll say you're not there yet oh I can't get it I have to pick it okay it's over by the fair are we out of combat you would think so so he threw it down by the bear literally that's what happened yes she threw the staff by the bear yes he threw the staff by the bear I would just don't get it Percy Percy he's seriously done he says I don't know where that attack came from he says I don't want to die all right hey Jim did I ever tell you the story about the guy that went to his family house and then he was and his friends were like you should you win Jim dock magic and then the guy was like oh no I won't do it you bad we didn't say bad stuff and he was like okay no I promise I won't do any bad you come here - turns out that he usually did more bad last year hot [ __ ] around remember that this was a story we told the story of the alien ageia help me happen Olivia will you take him like I guess his rooms probably in the void boy don't don't kill my cousin guys his aunt's gonna be super mad at which point I did Wanda 90 years behind Laden and Wanda aunt Wanda she's the crying one and she says hey he's not your cousin he's your brother [Applause] [Music] your brother but if he's my brother than is Olivia my [Applause] No I stole them out of your mother's womb because I want to children of my own right you're a family of [ __ ] issues man I just find myself or my own you can keep your walk-in house it doesn't walk and it's golden shower Olivia's like Olivia's like you have got to be [ __ ] kidding mother and Wanda covers her face and just runs away oh wow thanks for that interlude this is uh samuri oh you can see out Percy is horrified horrified I just looked at the figures up here and I was like wait house is the other girl oh that's a Oh fell everything's going according to plan I really don't want you to kill him now until I get this [ __ ] sorted out let's just bring the house back yeah and then I'll figure this out all right yes but so he needs a family staff you hear a voice that says oh I don't think so great now something you guys don't know is I write this weekly column on the website called the D&D the DM experience which is all about being a DM and I put a poll up there on Wednesday oh and the poll was which member of the dark magic family is actually an evil spy for the ward staff family don'tdon't um and the votes are in it's the cat [Applause] what is it with the internet and cat [Applause] alright doesn't betray people Maru they catch is on your shoulder [ __ ] and it's hot it's talking and and it says the books please you can't even read your cat I hope so what thing I do with it I was going to turn the page at his little paw they're not for me they're for my family and he says boy at which point do you see the crates of hamburger begin to rumble and the cat says you of course know that the ward staff sir necromancer's god I told you necromancer's are dicks okay loading out from the chests are for minotaurs that have been reformed from their hamburger components we are [ __ ] let's hear it for Team not down there and the cat will say I'll ask you one more time Jim the book screens this took a turn for the worse fellas I can't I can't give up the book I can't give up the books yeah we're totally cool [ __ ] off yeah well no I have a expeditious retreat so I'm good did you guys did you guys not take that are you not wizard I don't listen I've been to hell and back and I did not go to hell and back to let some [ __ ] cat come up here in my friends house and tell my friend me and my hamburger train I'm going to take your books [ __ ] you yeah all right I could eat I'll still eat Jim what would you like to do hammer I'd like to are we still in initiative yeah is it my turn yes it is that case I'd like to cast magic missile on the one right here [Applause] yeah is the cat near me the cat is on is raped by him raped by oh man do you use one or both wands here's the thing am I reading this right magic missile it doesn't look like I have to roll for it always hit all right magic missile then with my magic wand of +3 okay is 11 damage all right that takes the cat out [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] you have to AP and your nuts alright next bin win hmm actually can I action appointment yes okay I'm an action point and I am going to use a fire sighs fire site yeah Wow your allies all have a split second warning the necessary time they need to duck beneath the enormous flaming scythe summoned by your magic pull out grandpa's one yeah you grandpa's garage and I want to use grandpa's one alright it crackles with enormous power this is burst you have never held such a wand this is burst 2 so I can hit all the minotaurs yes you can hit them all and it's intelligence versus reflex so plus 15 versus reflex okay let's see it lets see it 18 okay no on the mess alone alright that's not great oh yeah 19 plus 15 verse my reflex use flash about 19 does 19 work for you it totally does uh 21 21 versus reflex and 16 plus 15 so 31 guy two of them you hit your site goes right through them slicing them in half they explode into pile of hamburger menu there ha ha ha yeah are these people here all night ours they're from the dollar menu fire five fire fight Jim Joe all right so they collapsed into heaps of burger binman so am I supposed to kill your family still no kill the Minotaur leave your brother and your sister out of it well I don't know about the brother-sister thing yet better that you can't eat a blood test see who the daddy is I mean you Skywalker der there's no stopping that I didn't is Leslie we're still open yeah yeah those two places uh okay I'm gonna admit something in front of all these people I forget how charge works I know I'm super good at it you look at what you want to charge and you run for it all right and you get a plus-one I'm gonna charge it this guy do you say anything when you charge I say Leroy [Applause] hey house built a charge so wish me luck uh 20 versus AC you slip on some cat guts Oh cat got to the worst like surf and ski on would you like to spend an access point yeah of course you do but where do that so it puts me just right next to it yeah that's what I wanted to do um I'm gonna single him out so he grants well no he's a minion [ __ ] it all right here we go what the [ __ ] another 20 which we already know missus yes so I'm just gonna have a little seat take a cab it downs gonna pull this chair up look take a little nap you were cool in your head I apologize my friends I'm gonna run down these stairs right yeah my movement is a down these stairs so well clatter beam will take an attack of opportunity as you run by Oh [ __ ] and Olivia is like clatter beam up fight or you can see I'm just fine use my for I could portal I guess nah but I already said I'm running down writing and I'm like I'm not I'm not gonna met a game yeah I forgot about the portal so 10 to the 23 hit karma class um 23 misses my armor class you're fine suck it guy who missed me 1 2 3 4 5 6 run off the bear off the bear oh yeah so I run down the thing and I bet I can top the bear and then I like I flip in the air he might make em oh and then as I'm coming down I sort of like barrel roll a little bit and then I flip again and then I come down here and I land just like this so I'm flanking this guy oh cool yeah it's super cool and there's like rock music playing while I do it like you're on a BMX yeah and I'm like I'm like gleaming cubes on my way there then you fail your Acrobat as I and as I same team and as I as I come down I use my avenging echo against him which is uh [ __ ] oh wow I rolled a one I believe I believe I've earned a critical failure song gentlemen create a cool critical play where we let you in critical made a critical friend [Music] it's not all bad no yeah I can't do anything else Jerry I didn't get a song what's that you need to wrap this you all got all the muscle in your groin so ho-oh I think that the guy Wow the war staff yes our necromancer they are these creatures are reconstituted from beef yes are they undead yes I'm gonna [ __ ] him up the ass [Applause] [Music] [Applause] is that a daily there's a lot of dick innuendo in this game oh really it's been a lot and that's me saying that I'm going to turn on dead classic all right Brandon or something you know but we like it something we do for fun so now you're undead - no no I don't have that one Jim I understand I don't transform into a creature of undeath I tell them to go away and I tell them to go away with incredible damage wisdom versus we'll all right first attack 23 versus will success second attack even better all right hamburger goes flying across the room and splatters all over AFL as they are banished [Applause] Oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] he's a vegan yeah coded me and murder death first of all let me save you a lot of time we're better than you each of us individually are better than you if we all hit you at once you will explode listen to him he says plain taken ya are my brother so wrong and Olivia says come brother all will be well in for pity in Japan maybe it'll bring us No maybe it'll bring us closer so I know it's so wrong if don't be you're come brother now first of all we'll say to you also that in you are a dark magic and today I wish I woke up and he will get waltzed off by Olivia and they will live happily ever after as you as you walk by the staff just mage handed up off the ground like this [ __ ] oh yes and I want to activate right you go out when you confront this massive orb and you Dunedin Arcana yes plus sixteen Oh 27 yes you own it and as soon as you do you can guide the house and its various scattered parts which I guess Percy got rid of so nobody else could interfere with you know what it was there you can try to reconstitute the house and land it wherever you wish folder gate all the gates to the ballgame Disneyland Disneyland James T V Plus Disney World uh I will do baldur's gate yeah hey guess that creep work let's go to Freeport that'll really [ __ ] everything I want to go to bald in game hey Joel Cinco yes this is more central yeah we're happens in digital alright how Don James that's got the staff up against the or but he's steering it that's going here there and everywhere where it's going to land we'll just have to find out next time [Applause] [Music] [Applause] yeah keep your eye out for the mansion you'll never know where it's going to land and thank you nicely done sir you

Channel: BlackfootFerret

Views: 1,147,568

Keywords: Penny, Arcade, Expo, PAX, 2011, DND, Dungeons, and, Dragons, 4e, Celebrity, Game, Acquisitions, Incorporated, Last, Will, Testament, Jim, Darkmagic, tabletop, game, comedy, gaming, PVP, Wheaton, Paul, Storm, Bards

Id: xzIJemFtXXs

Length: 137min 53sec (8273 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 20 2012