Acquisitions Incorporated Live - PAX West 2017

this podcast features adults using adult language you have been warned previously on acquisitions incorporated having received tragic family news omen drawn along with Jim dark magic and more game travels to the time or a temple in water deep to restore his sister's auspicious and poor tension to life there they meet new intern cthe ris drown a drow warlock with magics on loan from a dark patron God before I go out with this guy I want to know that he's up to our standards can you do a trick for me that's [ __ ] awesome conduit for this dark entity and I make requests of it magically gets a tattoo exactly like the party gathers before the still forms of omens sisters this is the first time you've been reunited with both of your sisters since you were celebrated well yes as a child yeah knowing that they would be brought here and all that you've secured the resources that you need to cast the Rays day which is something about a grand GP but when omen attempts to raise the dead the gem goes dark and you realize that the spell did not work I further Jim directly through the stained-glass window this is what I get from nine levels of service it's a crisis of faith son I need you basically to go CSI after world what's on the menu I have contact other plane I succeed I can ask an extra plane our entity five questions and if I fail I go insane but this isn't any old game of Dungeons and Dragons [Applause] buthe to thrist rendered insane gosh I'm so bad you guys and the parties only hope is consulting an Oracle known as the orb of the all-father they travel by airship to the forbidding spine of the world but along the way as you're putting on your own you are distressed to discover that you've got a blemish it's almost like the veins in your arm are turning black Jim consults a specialist I know we just met but can I show you somebody need anything like this before first thing you're keen to find out is has Jim ever died before how often do you die like twice a week like socially but Jim is forced to rub some dirt on it and walk it off like a big boy when the airship arrives at the oracles ice temple but while trying to avoid the attention of the giant standing guard he seems to be following the sound we should stop walking you stop is that we stopped dead I move really slow [Applause] the party is embroiled in a puck strewn hockey style melee frenzy on ice after clearing the room and stabilizing omen the party learns that something called a soul monger is responsible for both Jim's necrotic curse and his sister's missing souls the evil that is trapping Souls is drawing life from those who have been raised from the dead but anybody in the entire world that has been resurrected from the dead is now dying that's every hero right yeah how do we how can we destroy the soul longer back positions Incorporated plots a course for a fabled lost city with a mythic dungeon beneath but not before ditching their defective warlock in the little town of red larch [Applause] to second as the question play Abrash and Metis as Jim's condition worsens Morgaine leaves on business and VRE returns to the airship omen invokes a clause and an ancient contract to bring a new intern on board which causes some dissent among the party join the club was able to purchase a contract that allows me more or less absolute control over where you go for 10 gold 10 goals why it could have been less VRE was actually just really wondering if her contract was probably better than his the journey finally takes them to far-flung shulte where they hope to discover the location of the soul monger the party visits their local library to research this place and it's fickle gods as well as Prince WA congas lore about the lost city of or illunga but this place of learning becomes a place of burning when 1t assassins attack consciously look at gym and just be like I was like we're just right they begin saying in unison we are not here to hurt you we're here to steal the congas lure let us take what we want and leave and you will not be harmed you know I I willingly fail this role beautiful snake woman chanted at me and like I am so sorry now we return to the place named this with jim dark magics life hanging in the balance a world-spanning curse that could destroy life as they know it and a pro-am dinosaur fun run about to commence put your hands together for the original 18 this is acquisitions incorporated it's a sailor way [Applause] costume this is the normal me I've just kind of led myself go downhill since the election tonight I'm gonna run a few friends in line through our new D&D story it's called tomb of annihilation it's a story about a lich whose home is invaded by murderous adventurers and he has to rig all kinds of ingenious traps to defeat them I wanted to call it to Malone but I was outvoted anywho before we begin you see this this is a talisman of the sphere it lets me control my sphere of annihilation but I think the batteries are dead my sphere is gone I don't know where it is but it was here a while ago so it might still be here so ok you should watch out for that I'm undying up here I've heard all the jokes I've heard all the jokes skier today gone tomorrow it was just fear a minute ago so - of annihilation releases on September 19th but those of you with wisdom scores of 18 or higher can probably get it earlier but let's get this game underway okay but just before I bring the players out I know how much you all like to say green flame together but for this show I'd like to add another new element so when I or one of the other players or your mom says prepare to be you will say in unison an aureole agent so good all right then player number one is Patrick Rothfuss pyaari prepare to be awesome player number two is Jerry Hawkins all men of his hair award Ron prepare to be our third player is a special guest from the awesomely deemed livestream show dice camera action Holly Conrad I really like Kali I don't want her to be annihilated layer 4 [Applause] last but not least my crew who llyich Jim dark magic prepare to be let's get this show on the road [Applause] I can see nobody steal my staff you'll you'll get a staph infection hey Chris I have a question so is that your actual normal Canadian voice is that like regular Chris yes Jerry yes so how are things good you seem you seem good you seem like you're doing good you prefer me with my face on no it's actually worse it's way worse yeah because that's a skull it's fine if you have a skull as long as it's covered with your regular face I got a new I got a new diced in Oh fancy-dancy so these are annihilation dice yeah even the D sixes no trick it's all twenties except for when it's a 21 so we're gonna jump ahead just a little bit and it's the next day and if you recall Jim really had as heart set on participating in the dinosaur races how you know how many times in your life are you gonna get to race time sores three three yeah get my notes so port lions are ooh in the morning is a splendid place you guys have left the comforts of your Merchant Lord friend la conga Oh Tom ooh having learned that in the city there is a temple to sabes the god of divination and prophecy and there a priest named grandfather sat in bay who might be able to guide you or at least give you some insight of where you need to go to find this lost city of Omo and as you step out into the dazzling morning sunshine you can see that the city is alive with color people moving around with feather parasols in beautiful splendid canary yellow bright vibrant pink and purple loose billowy robes there's a business here of getting ready for the dinosaur race where everybody gathers around merchants to get the all the accoutrements that they need whistles and horns and confetti and all kinds of crazy stuff can be sold here just to check before we jump on to that I've been texting the snake girl she she hit me back yet she has not oh she ghosted you man I learned that from my millennial friends thanks Dave so the way port lions are was laid out it's kind of like the street the main streets kind of form a very weird twisted figure eight and as they start to clear the boulevards for the dinosaur races people are starting to crowd in certain places but you can also see children running along the rooftops people coming out onto balconies which are just covered with flowers and then there are these arches that are occasionally over the roads and people have climbed up on to those as well so this isn't like an explicit track designed for this purpose this is they convert the town in a race festival scenario exactly yeah it's like the horse races of Siena or the brain races exactly so the whole city is sort of moving carts and things out of the roadways to give as much room as possible I hate this and Jim you're feeling a little weaker and more withered you've lost another hit point off your maximum are you serious yeah okay well I'm down to 27 now yeah that is the same as zero hit points yeah but that magical mask it's concealing your infirmity from everyone around look good you look smashing right like a light breeze can just take you know down limbs just whoo any business you want to take care of now you know that you have a couple options you can either try to buy a dinosaur at the last minute and throw Jim on the back of it hope it goes in the direction it should or you can saddle up with a team and try to finagle your way in listen I am confident that if you guys put me on a dinosaur put me in coach you know I'm saying I'm ready to race I'm gonna tell them that I I can help this a little bit I actually have enlarged reduce which will make him smaller so you could just put them on he'll be faster than he is now when I'm various Jim is very slim I want I want you to understand that smaller like tiny if I use a good size that you used that on the dinosaur yes exactly giant seem comparatively smaller yeah I assumed that in lieu drew that in large reduce was going to be affecting the dinosaurs giving a dinosaur bigger you could are there any are there any rules to this race so the rules are pretty simple you have to go in a direction and keep going in that direction no don't go down any side streets you're out of the race okay then no attacking the other riders and dinosaurs oh no no is that a for-real rule or is that sort of a Marcus of Queensberry like like like this is how you're taught to fight and then one of these people is gonna kick us Quan the nuts you're investing your investigation is that it's fair game if nobody sees you rubbings racing Tom Cruise come on yeah I know what it is now listen so what's the price differential between him being in don't listen to this part huh between like you know any old dinosaur and then like a team dinosaur like welcome back what would I expect to pay so if you can get him on a team you don't have to pay anything oh if you want to buy your own dinosaur however it will depend on the dinosaur you want to buy come on point of reference a triceratops here cost 500 gold that's nothing I feel if we make him tiny he'll get on the team I but no here's the thing okay remember they stud these out if they win a race so you buy the dinosaur cheap and then you sell the semen tale as old as time song as old as rhyme [Laughter] it's a kind of potion okay so I i mean i'm intrigued by this 500 gold is not outside of the realm of possibility so i'll say i am not a dinosaur expert can any of you claim i mean i'm my animal handling is pretty good but i think that generally speaking i am i got a horse 'as ever handling is important yeah and this animal handling is off the charts i put a lot of points into it I'm very I'm very good with it because of situations like this I mean yeah all right here well this is this is this is a special time obviously in a young man's life yeah alright let's let's VRE i want to i want to absorb your counsel how can i help is just one thought yes i think right now the morning of the race people who wanted to sell their dinosaur and they have it yet they going to be desperate mmm-hmm you know this is this 11th hour exactly and then and obviously ringing out the desperate is something i have several points in so i are watching and talking among each other a dinosaur goes lumbering past you and it is a triceratops with racing stripes painted on the sides oh and there is a rider who's wearing a bronze helm with tusks so you can't see the face all that clearly and also a a back fan that looks like the fins of a dinosaur is there a for sale sign on it no this actually is one of the racers based on their appearance you think there's a level of ostentation to this that you weren't anticipating well honestly like i don't i'm not opposed to that no how are you okay perception jack yeah okay I'll use this hugely impressive die here oh she's perception that's a 20 it's the girl from last night [Laughter] Wow I think I found us a team okay or a dinosaur I doesn't look is does the dinosaur have a pit crew yes they're following in its wake basically I am really torn yeah and you can see she is trying not to look at you can I yell hi at her you can it's Dungeons & Dragons the girl from last night there she is she's up what's up with his dinosaur er he's right here look at him they've walked past now all those I'm gonna go do reconnaissance is that what they call it and barred school yes it's a whole class are you gonna come back soon define soon soon soon I also I'm gonna about three minutes I'm gonna I'm gonna do it twice [Laughter] but no actually just I'm gonna go see a thing I will be back and and I need clothes in the explain to your clothes okay a she branding branding yep yellows yeah okay sort of a sateen yeah sort of a you know my color yeah okay I'm a summer yeah oh man you can hear bookies taking bets and in fact you know that the dinosaurs just walked past you is called oped house favorite well okay that sounds good but as you kind of lean in and listen to some of the bookies taking the bets you think that there is a well-trained Hadrosaurus who's come up through named banana candy who might just pull off an upset and steal victory from the jaws a big honker and so these are all the established ones from the teams right it's a hadrosaur the one with like the little yeah the little bald head obvious yeah okay I'm an immense or I could go for that yeah word on the street - is this could be Mountain thunders last race okay so it's it's aging out of the game yeah and aging into the meat game there's two games I like this idea of the underdog who's ready to win oh you're getting a little static there you go it's just so it's just so tall [Applause] [Music] pop the collar you cannot unpop geum's collar so I am curious about banana candy yes all right I didn't totally cool my I didn't quite hear what you said banana I want banana candy okay three to one odds no do we do they announce what team banana candy is on it's on the banana candy team okay well that makes sense that's on brand mmm now how can't let me see so have we have we seen where the dinosaurs might be available so yeah you found out yesterday where you could buy them yeah yeah dinosaur a store the dinosaur dinosaur all right yeah they're ready good emergency at the merchant Prince Yvonne tell Rosa has merchants throughout the city selling dinosaurs all right well we don't have a lot of time no we need to get dinosaur fast yeah okay so I need to apportion some things so you were talking to someone does that right I'm doing reconnaissance and I'm gonna dress Jim up super fancy okay I like that strix yeah this is what I need huh if possible okay you tell me if it fits in your schedule no guarantees your responsibility and and this is a big one [Laughter] dinosaur decor oh I want a dinosaur that will intimidate yeah I can do that and terrify who what is also aerodynamic yes can i still make him tiny we'll discuss it if I like what I see I'll give you 50% yeah if if she's gonna make me tiny anyway then Jim just goes and starts eating like he orders whatever pies they've got he undoes a couple buttons if she can down into like a sphere yeah sir are here so consider how this dinosaur can be made horrifying all right that's that's perfect Strix will start going around and collecting just whatever garbage she can and just you know just stealing things from but no one wants all right as you follow up you can see that a herd dinosaur is saddling up siding up next to a couple other dinosaurs that are being slowly uh shirred toward the starting point which is this large arch on one side of the figure eight near the harbor and a bunch of people on the arch are looking down on the scene there are people on the rooftops looking down on the scene parasols colors banners everywhere you smell flowers you do you step into a big pile of poop which that's the done thing these days yep I collect some of that it's the dung thing [Laughter] well our work is done here yeah it's gonna be one of those gift this all the time thing okay I'm actually making a beeline to to this woman who I'm hoping to kind of maybe yeah we know VRE but actually them and I stopped dead in my tracks after stepping in the poop and I think you know how that you ever heard the term ginger up a horse mm-hm because they would get a ginger root no and they would oh isn't that how they got mr. Edie to talk yeah except something there has to I want to find out how you juice a dinosaur there's got to be like dinosaur ginger slash we're gonna injure you just [Laughter] for dinosaur for dinosaurs if Wil Wheaton were here he'd do it that's nice Wow that is actually factually true I could make a potion or something so but like I am a man of the people as snoozing around I'm like I'm like oh man I heard so-and-so this dinosaur had like a bad reaction they were feeding it and they go ginger Dino ginger super race juice that stuff that they bought they bought it that super Shady yet cheap and nearby conveniently located and they're like Oh Achmed's shed of danger juice I'm and shed of danger juice / fabulous robes that's your one-stop-shop okay I mean do I have any luck sleuthing this out yes drink up meds and reduce and robe Shabbats right there looks at me like I'm a [ __ ] idiot I turn things always work out for you Timothy so I want the drug that probably won't kill the dinosaur is what I'm looking for okay there's there's it will sort of take a lot to kill it right well I mean I've got a lot of money and there's a lot there's a lot riding on this literally and so like at the base level like the minor doses like it would just give it a boner and then there's like then it's like a Red Bull and then there'd be like and then it's like heroin heroin I want one step below that okay God okay [Applause] I want to win the race do I win it cost me uh probably about fifty gold okay for everything oh and and I need to do I'm gonna find a super fancy robe for Jim thank you I'll throw that in for free now is I'm gonna I'm gonna catch hell if this is not very stylish you think it's pretty stylish I'm fully confident okay I'm out well this is happening I'm taking dung and just rubbing it on the dinosaur and it's just very right on whose dinosaur Nana candy right are you gonna do it on banana candy I don't know they didn't tell me [Laughter] I can't say no a rider the rider sees you spreading dung on his dinosaur and just starts to smack ya ya know Watson I only get one and I'm gonna bring Jim I want to go with omen to buy banana candy or or a dinosaur it sounds like banana candy is a good crew yeah I want to see if they've got if they've got some stock that exists here in town that maybe is just you know performance adjacent I want I want banana candy yeah okay it's got ID on it you can find even find Dimetrodon hadrosaurs triceratops there's a young Allosaurus Kenai sent a small for gym but he could probably fit okay so what listen what do you like dinosaur why there's an ankylosaurus with a big mace tail that's swinging back and forth threatening Li I gotta go Triceratops oh sorry yeah yeah that's a keeper yeah all right so here I'm gonna look at this pressure tops and I'm gonna find one that I really like but I'm gonna look like I don't like it very much okay I would like to inspect this Triceratops just to check out its overall health I want to check the gums I want to stick my hand up there and get an idea what's going on I know all the right places to poke one of these dinosaurs or make an animal handling check oh I will nineteen putting it way are there the Triceratops does not put up a fuss as you prop poke and prod it yeah yeah I can rub it and do the thing with the things I don't know I I don't know you're told that this brute doesn't have a name but he was it took 18 hunters to finally bring him in wow that's impressive I like this yeah yeah I like this you could tell him does 18 do it for you pretty good no I like 18 yeah 18 18 ain't coming in first place with 18 with 18 no I like I like I like everything I'm seeing here but akin downcast face yeah angry mouth [Laughter] [Applause] see no can we have one let you make a deception check not aided by Jeff [Laughter] deception 20 yeah so the owner will come over to you and it says yeah might it fine Beast yeah for some for some this looks to beast to me he run real fast yet right into the pot no I checked him out he's super strong says well if speed is what you like I got a nice Allosaurus over here yeah I have I have beef with that breed by the way is your friend constipated I think so yeah but listen I'm actively [ __ ] himself over there yeah yeah big like a really a really big lunch a really really big lunch he's just I just throw up I'm gonna put some in a jar which any purple and sparkly yeah yeah I'm looking at it I'm looking at the price you know like a Hagin I'm like I don't know so if you want to haggle with him cuz he was gonna sell it to you it for 600 a little bit up above market price yeah but go ahead and woo gosh let's say persuasion yeah yeah we're gonna say and I'm gonna give you advantage simply because this is omen drones Forte's it'd be indeed all right now we're talking about persuasion at +5 let's see we got here number 1 I'm already sitting on the top [Applause] would you like your second dice roll No no I know it's a caustic all right then he sort of his eyes go wide and then he looks up at your friend then he looks at you and he's like oh you came in on the big giant flying machine mm-hmm you're amazing yes yeah how much you want for it I give you a cheap yeah I I reach around just like in my bet in my in my pouch and I just pull out like a handful of gems and lint and I lay down I lay it on the on the stone and I say I'll give you a ride in it all right he'll scoop all that stuff up except the lint which strict's also a venom and he says it is yours very fine animal excellent I mean it'll do all right and gems up there we Strix is rubbing dung all over yeah exactly no I want her to rub dung on it except for we're gonna wash an 18 on the side so there's gonna be a clean 18 on the side okay and the rest of it is just caked and [ __ ] yeah it's caked in [ __ ] and whatever like what hand in there yeah while you're watching them do this this other dinosaur you can see about a block away heading toward the races is adorned with these absolutely amazing stripes with stars all right hey guys and the rider has kind of the saddle he has her she has has a rig that has kind of like this awning that comes over top of him so he stays in the shade that's two lanes well he'll probably take it down Oh races but I noticed that the other dinosaurs are not covered in [ __ ] I mean can we get some feathers or something I just keep sticking sticks in there like there's a bone I put a bone in you know I got real Dino I got a couple Triceratops ins thank you so which one would you like I like the big one alright poseable oh nice we're here so how can we how can we get a little bit of extra decor on a budget I mean I can use so I have disguise self is my dinosaur at this point mean the writer and the and the beast are really one the way I race anyway no you don't think that spell will help the dinosaur you would need something like a minor illusion or a prestidigitation I got it all I can do that yeah yeah so I kick you away nice and and I a wave of my hand and off of each of the three horns I get these sort of trailing purple losery banners that are flying past me I immediately use my prestidigitation to change it to just smelly clouds [Applause] it's just like can I just spell magic here I just spell it yeah whatever haven't smelled too hot I'm gonna use silent image to make his Triceratops just like look even more covered in poop all right it's looking pretty rancid I show up with the robe which I'm very confident yes Jim whoa I am impressed this is beautiful yes yeah yeah I'm gonna go make book okay the odds on our ship dinosaur have to be loud [Laughter] when your team finally strides the dinosaur out to the back of the herd that's congregating around this arch there is a lot of chortles and turned up noses disgusted looks like I have as the sum total of all my years stealing when no one in acting is looking I think about three hundred and twenty gold pieces okay what sort of odds are there against the dinosaur I can only imagine as being named something like referred to as dung magnet 18 now i got nothing i got nothing for the we're coming in number one with number two [Laughter] thank you good night now but even though it's covered [ __ ] Jim is still like waving I got the fancy cape on it dogs are flying oh yeah late entry obviously ridden by a madman yeah like pooped oh yeah one to ten odds under 10 Wow nothing is nothing is lower than that I'm I'm gonna bet three hundred gold pieces okay all of my worldly wealth enough for like a good night of drinking when I lose that's all I'm keeping all right make a record of that anyone else dropping some coin I don't know about money just give the bookie a rat these people going up and giving him things yeah if she wins though she expects ten rats good whole rats you took one bite out of it you expect him to take ten bites out that's how we work in the highest yeah all right so as the racers are getting ready and announcers are shouting things in the land it's hard to even understand what they're saying yeah you have any other business you guys want to take care of you don't want to do anything with how much is this like like like how much is this drug how big is it it's probably about the size of an umbrella stand and is it like a big root I just automatically assume I have to put it up this thing's butt I that's how it I I know enough it's like a giant cornucopia [Applause] I would just like to try and calm him a little bit and as you do this you know I was gonna try to do this kind of sneekly and now I'm realizing that that was not a good point here's the faculty matter dude you're not gonna be able to do it sneakily like you're gonna have to put your [ __ ] shoulder into this thing like you're gonna need help I'm trying to give the dinosaur some wine oh great actually I I think it's redo I do I feed this to the dinosaur doesn't did I ask which end of the disc oh you know what no no I just I seal it in half cover all the bases I'm like a gym I got a treat for your dinosaur here you go bobbles that right down can I identify what this is yeah I just make a let's say a intelligence nature check all right cool oh I also have a lot I have a lot of nature so that's plus seven to that so you know that's like a teenager yep you don't know exactly what it is oh I do your math yeah oh man yeah it's it's a it's a it's some sort of weird drug thing oh is it go no is that is the dinosaur going to projectile out of one of the ends maybe oh it could be both all right I'm not gonna say anything and I'm gonna position Jim towards the end that's gonna projectile by the way this is the worst [ __ ] plan [Laughter] I just put that out there it's gonna be hard to top omen the entire purpose of this has already been satisfied which is that Jim is legit dying and this is what you want I'm really happy right now people are taking pictures of me with the dinosaur I don't realize what they hate me you think that they're laughing you're giving interviews yeah and then you got the one hand in well I figure I should wait until like immediately before the race starts we kill ignition yeah all right we're at that moment now there is a palpable energy in the crowd everybody is cheering and roaring yarny they're cheering for you can't you hear it lift the tail set your feet like really just you've you've sort of moved your dinosaur kind of in the middle of the pack so you're stinking up the entire area okay all the other dinosaurs are starting like to make strange noises get all part land it's here for fight and then you see the banana candy rider over your right shoulder and she looks at you and she says prepare to be I give her a wink and make a little dub up here that flies over towards her and shits on all right I'm gonna attack her all for your own Oh [Applause] oh man some some somehow omen it drips down to your eyebrow I mean I understand that this is natural sunscreen I just I make sure it gets absorbed it's like whatever the [ __ ] version of lemonade is yeah I'm like oh that's smart yeah yeah yeah all right now you got to make some sort of Chet what okay I need a little help from the audience here what sleight of hand no no this is the reverse of picking a pocket yeah yes you're right sorry guys I don't need your help Patrick's done this before all right a sleight-of-hand it is let's see it happen you know how when you're picking a pocket you kind of bump into the purse you pretend it was an accident is the bump and stumble yeah I do I do that - except I'm carrying like a 3 foot 3 foot long root vegetable right and you're also kind of have to get under its tail because a big big thumpy tail coming out of it so yeah right before I do make a point of saying kind of loudly I say oops this is that legally absolves me from any yeah yeah but put the gut putting in the ass I'm trying I'm trying to imagine how 14 year old me would imagine this moment of my life if it makes you feel better they start playing horns [Laughter] I do have +13 to sleight of hand [Applause] [Music] 17 but 13 Wow a lot that's how they re do yeah this is this is a very difficult task but as the horns sound everybody charges forth Jim you're like what do i do what do i do oh yeah yeah off you go okay and you get caught in the contractions [Applause] [Laughter] good track it's just like swallowing little bun no real bad this is going in the intern training video yeah there's gonna be some synthesized sax tricks for the first time today you really miss your other party you know yeah dinosaur cloaca times were not something I ever like to participate it in so yeah all right so I would like first of all I'm going to need your other help here I'm gonna give a couple other dinosaurs to you other players so pass that one down to Holly I like pass that one to omen and oh let's see let's see let's see let's see the box of dinosaurs is awesome alright so the way the race works is pretty simple it's abstract so you've got to get to 300 and you do that by making animal handling checks and you Holly are going to play banana candy yes and one that I wrote Jim sucks on yep [Laughter] and you're going to play OOP Taos favorite I love it which is actually the one with the the wanti woman on it I nice if I screwed up earlier and then you'll play nasty boy all right accident if you now boys everybody to make animal handling checks for the three of you it's just a straight d20 roll all right I've already got the modifier you know I start slow thirteen all right so before York Triceratops that is not enough so for all intents and purposes you are making headway your ranking ground but you don't get any points toward 300 okay how did you do Holly I got a six all right neither do you seventeen all right you are great you move fifty you are now fifty toward your goal of 300 I love it alright did you do eleven all right that is not enough yeah okay I will roll for the others okay so up cow's favorite and big honker and several others bolt ahead now as you are running Jim yes you can see that on one side of you is the harbour going by on the other side are houses and buildings that sort of build up and up and up to a great wall behind which is above which is the noble district and there are all kinds of people down above you or up above you throwing confetti and flower petals and stuff down love it yeah this is all great you sort of round your first corner you think you're doing great you look behind you and there's nobody behind you well yeah except this guy right me do I do I know up can't you sense a drag yeah yeah I and I would like you to make a strength athletics check this is so gross pull yourself at athletics okay jack oh no no it's pretty flat it's I can't even see it and I know it's Jack dive I could just tell well what's the total it sounds like it's low it's good suddenly on the three throws three I got 12 okay you are getting farther in [Music] but but also it actually follows that the route is also yes yes yes do I get any kind of bonus for that rude I hasn't kicked in yet okay do I know VRE is back there have I recognized I noticed him I would think not screaming I would like to make a stealth check [Applause] go ahead and you can make a perception check evil or beat his stuff 611 all right I don't know he's back there yeah the tails in the way yeah and I'm loving and all the confetti falls all the attention alright let's do the next roll everybody roll for animal handling 14 that's the magic number all right since you're riding a triceratops you have 50 toward your total of 300 okay like that yep 14 as well okay for Alice horses that's not enough they're really tricky animals to control but that's okay and how about you tell favorite I've got 15 on dice okay you'll get another 50 I love it all right sixteen sixteen is enough you get fifty alright and now I'm going to tell you another aspect of the rule is you can whip your beasts to make it go even faster Jim if you so wish but you think being animal handling expert that you are were it to not like that and rebel against you who knows who knows it's a the DC will be higher but you'll go faster I I'm not gonna whip this dinosaur I reach down and I place my hands next to his little eye and I whisper they have ears right yeah they're like holes yeah I whisper into his hole I'm sensing a theme yeah we got this 18 we can do it all right are you gonna like cast a magical spell like no it's just honest to god I love dinosaurs and I believe in us all right like some a tray you play right make another row like Valcour this is animal handling yep oh Jesus 19:23 okay yes add another 1,550 yeah handle those beasts how'd the rest of you do on your animal handling do I get a chance to get out of its butt before the next round like another strength let except I can grab on to him with my broom - and just like help your flying after them yeah I mean I've been flying after the dinosaur I miss you alright 23 you extricate yourself okay I just grab on to him and then he flies out yeah would it disqualify Jim if I interfere with the other dinosaurs their way the hell ahead you do have access to a broom street rash which drop me on who's ever in front but let make it look like an accident dragon fast through the street I can try alright alright you know that your broom is only magically prepared for one yeah so I'll just try and toss him like he told me what to do I can't tell these people no all right so you hop onto her broom okay and immediately you can see it begins to falter and struggle and then she just sort of flicks you I will leap like a nimble non barred non elf alright well I have good news for you strung across the streets from building to building our giant paper chandeliers I set you up fam yeah okay so I will need you to make an acrobatics check to swing from paper chandelier to paper chandelier 24 so as you get flicked you grab onto the first chandelier and you swing on that and as you do it literally comes apart in your hands but not before you fly off and grab the next one and it comes apart in your hands and so on and so on until you land on banana candy [Applause] [Laughter] really round so every wall you're a girlfriend who's on towels favorite is right next to you she just gives you a weird double tag [Laughter] all right now you know if you're they can't technically you shouldn't this writer who's on with you is now turning to you and smacking you with his whip I I would stab him so you are right behind them so he's just kind of doing it over his shoulder like oh oh I'm just I'm sorry and but I will pick his pocket [Laughter] [Applause] whoo all right yes 28 all right you snatch a dinosaur hide leather pouch out of his pocket Oh bundled up with some string and and I go is I'm sorry I is this yours he reaches for it and then I drop and then I push him a little bit [Applause] but then I grab them like oh look out look out oh man you were left back at the start but you see the crowd is starting to migrate from the starting place into the heart of the city to watch out to catch the middle of yeah exactly yeah I follow right along excellent make a perception check absolutely eighteen okay you know as you're moving along that you are being watched and followed by two creatures that basically combine the features of a man and a cat they are cat people shut up I'm sorry Matt if you will you can see that they are inside that was too much there are s like like Gaza or like a cat not a tiger they're they're humanoids with fur covering their flesh claws for hands and cat-like heads one of them is wearing a [ __ ] one of the S one of them is wearing there like furries yeah none of them is wearing a jaunty hat with a wide brim and it carries a loot like a an instrument yeah you can see that the other one is also dressed colorfully with colorful pantaloons and has a straps over her shoulders with a drum these guys must go through loose I mean if the claws like everytime just no dude that if this is like a Greek tragedy me a new loom clearly watching you okay but they're walking along with the crowd they're trying to hide among the crowd as they trail you by you know 10 15 feet exactly I'm just gonna approach them directly just turn around you say just walk right up and say if you want to surveil a cleric of luck you're gonna have to do a much better job all right roll initiative gentlemen what's that just okay Hey all right okay one of them smashes you over the head with his lute he didn't like playing that much these dice are great for the hard to read so that's like 23 but is this the first time you're using your annihilation thanks that's right it's awesome my first annihilation die attack role and as he bashes you over the head with the loot he says prepare to be annihilated all right he did your best No who doesn't and as he smashes you over the head he hits a 23 that's pretty high again okay he does he breaks it over your head and it's just sort of sitting there around your neck like a noose and you take one point of damage and then he runs away Wow now you could take an attack of opportunity against him because he attacked and then fled okay and this is a melee attack right yeah a melee attack can I see if I see this as well no you've gone off my family that's not gonna fly with me yeah that's at 26 okay that hits you're just bashing them with your mace right here in the crowd yeah exactly ten all right oops whoops that's the get-out-of-jail-free card all right his buddy it looks like he's gonna [ __ ] you with his drum and then just sort of throws the drum away and rock away from you instead disengaging from you so it's not to provoke an attack of opportunity good call and he sort of helps pick his friend up off the ground and they start to skid that all through the crowds which are thinning out because they're all going now in the opposite direction toward the race I'll let him go okay bays they scurry off like rodents [ __ ] Polly is you're zooming along with your broom going sort of underneath arches yeah and you can easily catch you can easily keep pace with the the dinosaurs no problem there all right I'm not gonna cast any spells because I want to break the rule right you know you've got a shove check coming that's a strength athletics check I'm giving you advantage on the check because of your little ploy well that's much better yeah seventeen plus it's athletics oh yeah yeah twenty-six all right Wow over he goes crashing a big big show so oh they try to grab him but I don't all right [Applause] although like is anyone else gonna run is there like a diamond is he gonna get squished by another dinosaur behind us little late to be thinking about that I do think of it exactly at this moment I'm like oh no no and then I'm like oh no it it really adds some verisimilitude you see some remarkably dexterous other dinosaurs behind you just sort of jump over him Wow but somehow as he tumbles there in the dust on the road he does not end up getting squished nights you are moral in retrospect that's what be sure it says that's right Gus and then as he sort of picks himself up and dusts himself off and sees his dinosaur gone now and standing there alone in the street with people cheering him the remains of a paper chandelier I would like to actually that's my one check I mean that's it yes Jim you can see that VRE is now on banana candy what the hell man oh oh oh I got the rider who was on there previously skedaddled out of the way before you trundle up okay and make another check everybody animal handling okay that puts you 50 more toward your goal yep how did you do nine banana candies real slow yeah I know we're talking about 11 base no three okay what's a dinosaur as it races through the main intersection of four nines out of the crowds Jim are the hugest crowds you've ever seen and they are just all cheering for you you are such a exactly as you pass under an arch a couple kids throw wreaths down upon and they just happen to land right on the horns oh nice they're tops all right and now you're sort of in the last PES des has the route kicked in yet yes okay and I noticed something yes a kick under the hood yeah yeah a little more pep in his step yeah this guy sees his imaginary girlfriend he's chasing after it he's gonna get some all right so make another hat animal handling check 23 okay you with your extra juice go a hundred oh Jesus sorry is that 200 for you 250 oh I can see the finish line yes how did you do three alright you blow past Taos favorite oh yeah three oh my gosh no okay so nasty boy 14 okay that one gets 50 and you're on banana candy so the re what would you like to do I'm gonna make a big show of like I'm gonna I owe it to this guy to win the race form right no you owe yourself bet against the goddamn company and so I know I bet I'm je bent on being oh that's fine yeah so I grabbed the reins out and I realize it's so obvious to everyone watching that I'm really trying to make it up to this poor guy who fell off the dinosaur but I I make a [ __ ] mess of this and accidentally this dinosaur steers into the crowd [Laughter] the one right next to me with it the snake li okay all right so we'll just make an animal handling check to guide the dinosaur in the way you want it to go oh I'm super good at this here goes oh don't worry I can help Oh No so Jim yes you blow between banana candy and hoophouse favorite and then as you look behind you banana Kenny just veers into cow's favorite allied with a huge thundering sound and both dinosaurs just topple over yeah I love it what would you like to do as you feel the weight shifting and you going into this mass of dinosaur black I need to leap and and sweep her off the dinosaur and and if I can't land on my feet I at least need to toss her into something soft okay like a merchant if you try to toss our strikes is gonna try and just hit her and be like whoops [Laughter] all right so yes you you yank her off the saddle you throw her to the side you see this awning made out of palm leaves over this merchants tall that's stuffed with fruit it looks very soft and cushy hello fruits pillowford yes you hurl her off in that direction strix you're barreling in yeah right next to the merchants at all no the sword merchants is this is this statue of this tiger with its claws up perfect I'm sort of rearing off the corner of a building looks like it's all kinds of sharp yeah that she's going right into that all right so make an attack roll all right this is an arranged attack this is actually I'm gonna say it's a shove so let's go with a strength athletics instead yeah yeah it's still Ted all right now make a dexterity attack it's a dexterity saving throw okay so you go in to hit her you don't she lands in the awning and then pot onto the pillow fruit and then the cart seems to collapse under the weight of her under the weight of her and her armor and whatnot and the palm fronds just cave in and she's just completely buried do you want to try to land like on your feet [Music] I would I would like to land and then I'll help her out okay so just beside her and then pull her out okay madam oh you can do that you aren't able to pull up in time now if I see if I see strength she disappears through a window into an estate can make a perception check to see if I notice that sure eight No all right you don't I laugh but I don't know why [Laughter] so strix you're suddenly now weaving through this plush palatial estate going through hallways and across staircases just like getting thrown out of the way as they see you whipping down on this broom make a oh let's call it a wind wisdom survival check to navigate through the interior so so twenty all right yes you're able to roar around you go around a corner you kind of bust through a set of double doors into this palatial suite with this huge open balcony overlooking the bay and it just sort of got gossamer blue curtains hanging in front of it you zip right out through those shaped with a broom and everything yeah you certainly a sort of a burnt little hole through the drapes as you blow through and out over the bay great I've ruined these rich people's nice things all right take that but no harm done great yep you see Jim whipped past a bunch of other night look look I'm winning right mace is up on the shoulder yeah way Oh sign of the re no sign of Strix it's fine this day isn't about them that's right they can't take this from you know make your hopefully last check come on Oh games oh it's an 11 James all right I was looking at it oh man I'm like all right uh you your beast is just going insane yeah but you're having trouble controlling it and it's kind of veering off okay so it's Artur yeah it's reached a level yeah and it's mistaking things for doing other things understood he's surfing balls it veers off and then just starts to plow through some baskets of stuff sending things flying up but but it's still forward momentum right yes yeah yeah it's all forward momentum it's just he sort of gone off the onto the sidewalk basically and is now running down the sidewalk smashing into things okay I'm fine with that I got eat this back on track and yes Jim yeah a kid on a balcony overhead hurls a big melon down at what [ __ ] he could you good job kid good job so as you're trying to steer back on you can't see any okay this will only increase the glory of your video yeah all right and just make a rule for a big hall sorry a nasty boy for me boy 11 all right nasty boy is the Allosaurus that's not me enough no yeah nasty boy he's not gonna make it all right and now I have to make it for big honker that is another crit yeah what all right all right the wheels came off or we would if it had been a traditional legs came off yeah all right so you don't know where you're going exactly what we have to do uh you got your hands on the reins this is you know what the black shield is down I rap I just lean down wrap my arms around the neck and I say take me home baby here it comes this has got to be it 18 all right [Applause] I think that that I'm I'm amazed yeah Strix as you come whirling around see the race play out below you amazingly Jim is neck-and-neck with the young Tyrannosaurus known as big honker well but he's got a melon on his head and he seems that leveling out of his saddle on the loo teachers head sort of grabbing it by the horns and hanging on there this is really sad do you want to go to anything cuz you're I feel bad he might win but its neck and neck I feel really bad and I'm pretty sure that my demonic contract is forcing me to make him win so I'm going to misty step onto the dinosaur the gym is on and try and steer him oh okay interesting all right I can also ride my broom down and try and steer oh no no do your [ __ ] this is this is Bing alright yes okay so you missed the step off your broom and I'm just like please don't touch me and then I just hold on to the right now your broom is actually a broom of animated attack and it to do anything yeah go don't lets an attack big honker right right in the face yeah alright so as you leap off I'm gonna have you make a Oh God let's say an acrobatics check to land in the saddle okay just stay in the saddle once you miss the step onto it because this is a rampaging beast oh great 13:15 is good enough 13 is 13 okay will you hang on okay got the reins and then your broom starts to whack big honker in the face yeah on the sensitive nose yeah yeah alright and that puts you over the top right that was 300 for ya alright so you blow past big honker in the final seconds and Tate you hear crowds adulation only reason you know that you won is because they start saying a two I pull the melon off and I'm looking and I see streaks there and I I want to kick her off alright oh man you see as you come up to the scene all the glory and whatnot you sort of expected things then disastrously they didn't but they're at each other's throats I was choking her no no no no no no no no I'm a cloud now oh no I still won the re you are left in the dust as you pick her up she's disoriented and she pulls her helmet off and her black hair flows down over her shoulders and she looks at you with those snaky eyes so hot we all remember that song yeah and then you make out at Fort tongue it's like two tons to patiently to tongue that's fair yeah sound good yeah but she's really cold Oh Constitution huh that I'm super good at that well as you kiss her and she peels away you there's something sweet on your lips oh yes yeah and then [ __ ] that's it's just give me a second yeah start it's about a little kiss boy this is the ante and then you feel sort of delirious and began to stagger around it's the most magical kiss you've ever had well I'm assuming she feels the same way [Laughter] she's all becoming a blur oh wow nice yes and and then you kind of drop to your knees and then just faceplant into the dirt what do you have on you what did you have on you previously obviously I have I have the book that I got from the guy that I traded like Jim's house your dagger the apocalypse like I Thanks thanks a lot ie yes I have the apocalypse' dagger I do have the a plus-one sword as well and 20 gold pieces Wow alright you're drinking money in the dinosaur hide bag that you still throw no I dropped that oh that's right never die now I would also like to say that I am covered to the shoulder in a flu viim and any any truly classy snake woman would probably be loath to frisk me to thoroughly that's fair yeah get used to this [ __ ] oh man yeah three of your party members are accounted for the good ones so just to be clear like is there a trophy yes okay so I want League Rabbit no it's who's on it the longest I think is fair yeah basically a group of mostly naked with the exception of loincloths men and women come out carrying on palanquin this tall ornately carved gemin laid wooden trophy Wow and they present it to me they are coming in your general direction I go right up to them no I want it no I push her they're fighting all the way up to the trophy I want to make a strength check all right you're both grabbing on to the trophy make strength 17 [Laughter] winner the winner Jim you hold that trophy up it's big your broom comes back to you cry on it all right they seem distracted oh man good good good good I look around for that handsome devil mister dunne Stucker mm-hmm do I do I see him anywhere around here no I say Jim VRE was with you after a fashion I saw him yeah do you know where he went after that I saw him tackle the snake lady and then I was gone i winning I hit the snake lady I just said I wanted to hurt her because she was bad well we know the general area of town where we last saw him I assume you saw last I saw he went he crashed his dinosaur yeah okay I see I need you to take me to that place obviously that the trophy can come with us I assume I have some winner's circle ceremonial stuff to take care of first [Laughter] I mean they don't just give you a trophy that everybody's them you know there's there's music hitters signing autographs um kids - oh yeah where is um kisses babies yeah there they there bring you flowers you get all lovin it mountains the flowers it was like Jim Jim Jim Jim we're gonna give you a cross street okay yeah do that okay I'm just standing there going I want to I'm gonna try to retrace this it sounds like it sounds like a cart a row of shops got wrecked or something like that I mean this is it doesn't take you long to find the scene yeah the accident the crime yes and you can see that they're tending to the dinosaurs and getting them out of the situation that they're in trying to pull them out of some wreckage you can tangle them yeah disentangle them and not paying any attention to the fellow lying face down in the dirt by a wreck fruit stand hmm well I'll flip him over am i wearing any clothes at all it would be funny if I said no but you probably are yes it looks like he's breathing but he's unconscious and you can see it looks like he's been frisked he's a big smile yeah dusty dust covering his smiley face okay if he's breathing for now I'm gonna throw him over my shoulder and bring him back to the winner's circle okay I assume I met some kind of feast but now as you pick him up to remove your shoulder you can see that's enough of a jostle now to kind of sort of wake you he's really really groggy yeah and he smells real bad I uh I make the best of it I just need to get all the people who are in the party in one contiguous locale okay so you come you're there getting all the education strix you're off to the side and people are avoiding you and kids are actually scared of you I mean I'm doing that too so it's fine and you see omen come back with what looks like a drunk uh-oh VRE he's staggering around his noodle legs can barely keep him up yeah I come up to Jim and I just don't I just drop him off my shoulder so yeah he one to add something [Laughter] is there a fountain yes there is a big carved fountain here you can dunk your head in he just careens into the fountain and that his legs are just sort of sticking out I make sure that he does not drown himself that seems to fit yeah wake you up you're like your head gets thrown out of the water you shake your hair I like to think that without even touching I know exactly what's missing oh yeah yes yeah you've lost your gold and you've lost your apocalypse deck Oh are you gonna tell us that in the interest of fair play I did also make that bet and I probably had either tickets or chips or whatever oh yeah that's gone why why would you oh yeah got a respect in there what do you think they keep track of that there I'm sure that it's written down even even the one that I habitually tucked right in the cod that's okay because it means she looked there no we need to get back to this bedding place before she collects your money oh yeah that's fine [Applause] they come up another one mmm betting chips yeah again over the shoulder like carried like a baby or like a drunken person but like arm over the shoulder and a band of brothers you know type scenario I help take him to the I help take him back to the place he had made the bets okay he's trying to direct me it sucks along the way I'm going in and getting free drinks at every single tavern along the way all right as you guys make your way back trying to find the where your bet was to be settled looking for individuals just make perception checks to see if you find what you're hoping to find a mozzie a my everybody you're fine now okay meet you just you two perception oh yeah 13 oh it was a guy and I remember him it was a guy that's the omen we all know he had - mmhmm - eyes skin lot of skin either am either a mustache or or no mustache is about so high all right when you eventually you roll there what total 1313 you do find the guy you made the bet with he tells you that it's been collected but they just left my joke at men what was it - fat [ __ ] told you he calls them Tabac see oh great that way which way he says did they have anything with him like a drum or like a broken loot anything like that you still got the loot around your neck I keep taking me yeah okay I'll get up on his shoulders and I just I got to be taller than anyone here - may see him in the crowd make another check 15 it's a good threshold all right that's the correct sound let me just check their stealth drugs Strix has been ignored for so long that she's just gonna cry she's gonna sit outside of a building and just cry alright bring one of my free drinks out and I put it in front of you I said I bought you a drink I know you had a rough day you lost the race but row it on your cloak I clean myself alright cry into the cup sad whine come with my special juice you spot the [ __ ] yes yes I can move super fast would you want to yep I've got like a bonus action I can use to move I can I'm starting from a height advantage I will like I can [ __ ] run over the top of this ground alright right I has he chase after them they see that they have been spotted and they bolt moving like cats they suddenly gain a burst of speed almost running on all fours for a madman so what is your speed if you're just doing your magic with a bonus action yeah I can use two - I can do two dashes right so that's is a - double speed or regular speed it's regular speed okay so that's that's 60 - mrs. - yeah yes so it's 90 if you don't do anything but move you can move use another move and then use your - so yeah nine all right they split up as you as you catch up to them one of them runs toward the docks the other I find out what's not in the other direction of the docks is one of them went are the docks the other toward a giant scratching post oh my god like I never go for this alright yeah in the box yeah one is heading to the docks another is heading down a road towards stairs leading up to an upper district do we notice this commotion at this point like identifies that I'm like snap snap I'm like hey no yep this way okay stop drinking that whatever it is you tier 1 tier wine we can market that you know what the natural enemy of the cat is in the wild I suspect it is the owl bear hippie if I'm I get a leg up and I'm like chippy fetch and I throw it at one of them and I'm after the other all right this al bear appears looks around and goes Strix wrote down a figurine and a big owl bear I'm an owl bear but it's not here because you guys took me away the al bear goes just barreling past a bunch of people knocking them hither and thither everybody's freaked out because nobody's ever seen a creature like this before terracing through the crowd so while there everybody is screaming in a panic in that direction you run after the guy going toward the docks yeah alright you will be able to catch up to him what do you do when you get to him I will lots of lots of choices I'm gonna yeah oh one sec one sec not might not my first rodeo folks let the man work his seduction so skill just leaned up against a cat man no I will it's safest bear him to the ground I I tackle I gotta get him on the ground sweet camp okay so you're just trying to grapple him basically right yeah yeah okay in that case make a strength check athletics I should say 23 okay that's good you are able to grapple his vest as he worms out of it somehow miraculously slips through your grasp and lucid as all hell gets out from underneath you and just sort of scampers off and kind of hurls himself off of a dock onto a series of boats and begins to hop scotch I lost the boat [ __ ] I invented this game we're gonna [ __ ] ninja scroll yeah yeah I'm after him all right if I can sort of see where they're going I'd like to hop on my broom and kind of go I want to start heading off I I can see maybe where the boat and then another jock I want to I want to go that way all right so Jim hops on a broom to cut that guy off I'm there's two so I'm gonna go after the other one you don't need to hop on your broom I'm gonna go with the albear okay so strict cinoman VRE and Jim I got you man thank you all right my brooms faster and oh man you're just who phonetic yeah fine client client it's hot all right as happens in places such as this seems like it only takes a minute for some clouds to come in and suddenly it just begins to downpour on the entire what a relief yes this is good for you because you were just dying for an instant there but as soon as the rain starts to fall you realize Tamura is on your side I love it yeah it must be nice exactly yep and a bunch of people around you they they have these things like umbrellas that stick up out of barrels and they put the umbrella up so it actually goes out like a V to be like rain catchers yeah yeah Wow and people start to drop sales and awnings and things so they can basically capture water capture the water and water begins to flow down through gutters in the middle of the streets as you guys run across the the decks of these row boats they become very slippery very fast but you I'm not gonna you make a perception check you can see there's actually a couple lines like cable ropes that go over this section you don't even have to go down onto the ships if you want yeah I I will actually yeah I've got second-story work so I can go straight up as fast as I can run yep and then I will belt off the VRE always wears two belts ever since tickets pants off that one time alright so like belt off and then I'll zip line right down all right what-ho indeed all right so the albear tackles that Taback see just as you fly up to it I'm like go I don't know your name go do it [Laughter] and you see the albear securing this thing in its beak just starts to drag him physically [ __ ] back the way I didn't say fetch yeah and it's getting wet no just like dragging him like through the gutter yeah yes exactly yeah the other one is hopscotching across the thing but you slide and drop down in front just as you swoop up in front as well I'm going I'm going after VRS right yeah yeah so you and VRE get to the other side and basically are there to confront him when he climbs up out of the last boat onto the dock you're right there okay just it's a camp man right yeah scruff scruff of the neck it's another grandpa jack [Laughter] I know right that you had but do it old-school get the scruff with your own mouth yeah that'll show him it's 20 uh you got him okay yeah you got I just shake him too long the candy [Applause] okay and you are successful your earnings begin to fall out of him and clatter down onto the dock to change into new cheese and then I give him a quick easy got my apocalypse tagger nope maybe ours guys do you want one of these a cat man yeah no no I did I don't want to clean that one box yeah no thanks and I'm actually a little pissed here right and I'm I look I'm like I'm like what good are you to me right now wow wow this got dark I am well he made you run over hell's half-acre he says [Laughter] he looks he shows you the goal on the ground he says I was just doing a job for Yashida who lives Jerry yeah courage my magician friend can find you later if I take a part of your body with me [Applause] his eyes go wide I just nod that's how it works convince me that you're telling the truth [Applause] he says I'm just an actor oh [ __ ] man really guys are in the same guild I mean I put them down I'm like really I'll ask for your ik like you could have just said you're an actor too I was really like take a piece of this cat man and now they're best friends I know what it's like man it's it's [ __ ] hard to make a little bit as it is and this place seems a little rough I mean you got a lot of competition here yes it's a terrible person oh I would stay away from her Fabio oh I mean but you know you're right you're right he says she works for someone very very bad so I'm gonna live in the jungle he calls himself frost me see spelled [Music] sat with five Z's or hi okay now acting you're you're better than this work right my brother too yes so the albear is dragging this guy okay and he's the the al bear bit into him so those guys like bleeding profusely up the shoulder as he's being card back toward and oh man you start to see this lumbering beast with this vaccine that's Mouse dragging this cat man yes they recognize this cat man yeah that's you for lack of a better term yes this is the drummer it's always the drummer man yeah I'm just cheering on the owl bear yeah exactly so I'll just start walking alongside the al bear as it's dragging him okay and I'll just be kind of reaching over and trying to see if he's got any of my money or ya know what what does the cat man do you villain I I'm checking him for money and for Apocalypse daggers okay you do not see Apocalypse daggers you do see that he has some money but not a lot most money is was taken by his brother and but you do remove a pouch from him that has some coins in it possibly money he got paid to do this heist and you can also see that there are two shiny gemstones in there cat's eye gemstones inside the bag inside the handbag yeah pouch with yeah but you are currently fondling oh yeah absolutely testing to wait yeah so yeah yeah I mean basically I mean it's just a casual conversation as we're walking down as he's being dragged through the gutters yeah I wait Winnie's underwater I wait and then you know I continue as he is dragged out along the stones yes he tells you he's a musician cool you know it was the chase that's why all this happened to you it's because you wasted my time I'm sorry I'm very sorry Oh indeed it was a mistake agreed or Bo I'm a mistake same page yeah just stop fighting me please can I command this can I command this l bear at all no yeah no please no more beak it just continues to drag him back by this time the two of you you've sort of made friends with this one you can see there's a loud ruckus back where you left as the big white beast of the albear visible through the crowd is clearly dragging something chippie chippie Oh drop it I'm like you big and I look at him I'm like I like you okay you got it looks like somebody hit you with that hammer somebody latch I see the logo the AI will always be branding Mike you got you got anything else before we get back because my boss is a little bit of a you know you should probably leave here as quickly as possible Ishita as many dark evil friends okay you know you're coming after her not from you for me no from you you will hear that we were gravely injured improv you were gravely injured in great improv and this will be your greatest role and you were taken to the local hospital yup and and can you expect you to recover but but for a very brief period you did fall in love with a handsome doctor I'm just saying we're obviously gonna go back where we came from because this place is too much for us right yes yes yes and I give him one of the purses of money and I'm okay don't take jobs like this man you're not cut out for it thank you you're far too kind and get your brother he's got kind of a he's gonna have theirs by bactine works really well for ol bear ill nod go and see nice all right long story short the cat men come back together the tabac see he begs for this beast to let go of his brother the re you can tell it to ya you tell trippy to stand down Jimmy don't exactly now we have a we need to do two things we need to talk to grandfather's to Tim Bay yeah about the lost city of Omo and we also have a lot of dinosaurs human no no I got it that's not my job I got it nope that's not in the contract all right yeah I'm not milking this thing are you I got no choice chippy again oh yeah um do I have 3,000 gold yes yeah you would right glasses you know I passed a little off to this this boy so he could be good to have a little bit of all let's not be hasty do that before we caught up let us recall we will leave them the gold that they received for doing the job correct now don't give them our money which is to say my money I don't think you know that I well so uh you were little I saw her I woke up and said oh my betting chips yes and I saw you think like 3,000 gold off of actually play it that way I'm like what do you mean what do you mean all right I did tell you about that didn't I start here well you know we got we got five to one I'm proud of that that's a win yeah yeah the wins good odds all right it's a tin bait you go to the temple of sabra's and when you arrive let me just get quickly to that section Chris yeah is it cool to use your book this is surreal that it's a thing it's a pretty book yeah excellent so you come to this old grand structure in the city the tiled roof of its Great Dome resembles an unblinking eye staring a skyward when you step inside you see an old an elderly black man thin frail having a heated conversation with three figures in black hoods with long silky black robes and looks like they're in the middle of a negotiation and these three dark figures are handing what looks like a very large ruby or gem to the old man but he wants none of it I want to try to overhear the conversation but I don't want to try to like to integrate the aura of this it you catch only the tail end of it because as you march in with your gang yeah all the figures kind of see you standing in the doorway and then the old man says no no divinations no readings I don't know where your friend is I can't help you leave go go go get out I say yeah get out and and when they see you they do they bundle up their their goods and they hastily move past you and as they go back out are they human they are human you can see the lower part of their faces cover it up with shawls that they basically tie it around their heads so you only really see their eyes and their foreheads there's snake eyes they do not look like snake eyes they look pure human okay and one of them has just the almost like cut jade color of green eyes and when he looks at you those eyes tell a story of murder this this is really those are the eyes of a cold-blooded assassin okay literally cold-blooded because he's a snake right well we're picking up what you're putting down I like it I'm scared but now you are alone with grandfather's a Tembe and he says thank you oh my god exactly think nothing of it listen we're not from here it's probably not a huge surprise you don't say yeah no no creepy Road people I mean yeah yeah there's but there's a there's thresholds he does give a hairy eyeball to the teeth leg who are those Road people they're terrifying says you don't want any part of them we're we've run into the Santarem before right you have they look like they yes yeah yeah yeah I don't like sense so everywhere we go they're like MasterCard like they're everywhere we won't be so a grandfather will tell you grandpa's temperance assembly will say that more of them have cropped on the city of late apparently they're getting contracts to do mercenary work but yeah guarding trails to the mines yeah helping to fortify the city walls well and I suspect in any anywhere you see anywhere you see that that faction that cadre generally speaking it's not a good indication say we were we were informed about your expertise specifically well we are trying to discover the location of a city called Omo on we'll hold up a poor box and just give it a shake you hear a couple coins inside it it's feeling a little light yeah I'll put a snack in there like what like what snack it says don't do that [Laughter] but they're good snacks a good thing I already gave you all that money that I won pay the man VRE and I'll put one of the person's full of money in there which is like roughly how much 300 what she says this won't take long but I didn't say I didn't say pay him all right I tell you for that takes 24 hours but it only takes an hour yeah yeah I'm gonna use my good divination machine yeah all right so is Jeff Cal's your Dungeon Master is that how it works it's been a shadow operation yeah all right and he comes back in an hour and says oh my way I closed the book I'm an idiot yeah I bet you know what page it's on there it is yep he says in my visions I saw a jungle city far to the south enclosed by cliffs and crawling with snakes mm-hmm and I saw a black obelisk draped in vines mm-hmm okay then it got too scary yeah I hear ya I started watching my stories all right so that seems like something we could see from the air pretty readily south yeah go south same same page south find a guide if you can but go south house I'll let the winds guide you all right all right it's getting weird now guy yes good night could I like doing it inside check to see if this guy is like sure only barmy he starts to walk away and watch out for seagulls Oh ain't got a for I don't know all right he seems kind of barmy nice nice all right uh I'm curious I just walk up to him I say how'd you do that I mean I like magic how'd you how'd you divine this I come know your Divine inator I communed with the great God's avarice huh can I make a check to see if I think that sounds reasonable sure you can make an insight check wisdom insight trying to be more magically smart than me yep in an 11 year you think that's pretty normal for a priest of a faith ifs a bris is indeed a god of prophecy and fortune-telling then he probably has the power to share visions with his acolytes not it's not a wizard thing no I don't get it yeah yeah probably lying yeah I knew we knew magic is what I see if it was crazy he the cat man said my girlfriend was working for a bad guy yeah I was thinking about something else at the time but what was the bad guys name kind of spelled most of it rosin AC Roz neecie neecie does that ring a bell when you say Russ and EC grandfather's name buddy just drops the poor box he had walked away at that point just crash onto the floor and then he looks back at you like you just said a curse word in his church oh oh we might want to talk a little bit more no more money though he's good yeah I did that did that ring a bell for me once I stopped to like actually think about it based on the things you read in makanga Oh Thomas yeah LaBrie yeah I still have that book no did the box break your rival does the box spilled so all right back don't let him have that I don't want the money you ain't says give me three gold pieces he's a demon a demon yes haunts the jungles created an army of undead and Unleashed it everywhere they're a plague now rude rude he says in the new lingo yeah while he's pines for a comb yeah and then he he says was one of the sworn defenders of the lost city of Mesereau but he betrayed them all cast out it was I don't need his whole backstory he's a bad guy okay that guy army is dead I get it do not speak his name here he is a curse on all this land forsaken by of Tao and the old gods mmm Tao was the one who he he had that great he's the guy if you have angered res Nessie you should do what you must and leave at once oh no we got it in for him we're gonna go eat his lunch I don't know what he has for lunch but like or why you would want to eat it the the guy is the one who like he if you find a maze and you solve the maze we've got a blessing yes yeah okay he used to watch over all of us and then he left he sort of extracted himself from these affairs yes so is this place that he saw is this the lost city is or is it a choice of lost city or obelisk I think I think omou and the obelisk Oh mo is synonymous there's there met the city where long story short Roz nice he came from a place called Mesirow the place are looking for is oh no okay thank you is this curse the same curse that's making it so that that he's real gross and I'm not gross she's the liar gross she's a liar that's just [ __ ] crazy [Laughter] is it the same thing because people can't be resurrected right now so I'm saying I got that info cuz my friend what is she talking about I don't Rasen easy is a curse on this land a blight oh it's a different current different this is real curse man yeah it's a curse a minute here yeah here with this one let's go try to fix one of them okay okay alright you head back to your ship indeed which is safe and sound just as you left it and as you recall you have crew members we do in case it becomes relevant I've printed out their statistics for you almond biscotti oh we have a laundry ax oh right yeah so even is hang on to those I mean I are friends the boat Hittner the t that play a laundry a primp Skyborn swallow scooby hell's adjacent hibner and tweed barsen yeah yes - nomes an elf and a teaching walk into a bar and yes cubby was the tiefling scooby is a gnome the gnome hip nor was the tiefling that you pushed off the deck and fell into the the bay got you when you returned to the ship hip nur says oh you're alive I'm just like right and they start to wait for departure but but but but I want to feel like I'm a part of the process like I want to be like a hands-on manager so while they're clearly getting everything under way I say get everything ready to make way hold that rope is there anything we should load up on before we go like like a big thing of snake poison or anti-venom anti-venom is hand antivenom like some DDT yeah do I leave 18 in a stable yeah you can you can park them somewhere yeah make him a gift okay the other possibility is you can try to buy some sort of rig and just hang him from the underside of I would like to do that okay so that they must have some mechanism for hauling these dinosaurs yeah they do it yeah so they can rig an apparatus to your vessel will probably take them about a half a day's work but then you'll have a dinosaur strapped to the underside of your ship a dinosaur a dinosaur is its own reward yeah this little legs just sort of and as you meet him as it lifts off not a thrilling day and sorrow and the city gets more distant behind you you move among the clouds and suddenly parts of the city get blocked out blotted out beneath you the dinosaur just begins to roar and cry I go down there on my broom okay and I just I want to put my hand on him and just try to calm him down everything's okay all right little ride let's make an animal handling check to settle them down yes success eh [Music] Hey 18:18 all right I have a bond with this dinosaur you do and since time is of the essence imagine a glorious montage yes it's over the jungles seeing all kinds of spectacular it's awesome take this [ __ ] up yes what that's amazing it's got lights and as lava god damn the water is so shiny yes as your airship drifts over the jungle canopy there is a place where the ground falls away a lost city that has sunk into the earth surrounded by cliffs on all sides a river pours into the city creating a waterfall that spills flowing through the heart of the city and flooding parts of it before dumping into what appears to be a cracked fissure an opening filled with boiling bubbling molten lava steam billows out of the lava pit and the whole place is shrouded with mist so as a result yes that's cool yeah [Applause] good god this is why I brought the laser pointer so as you look at the rubble of Omo there's so much mist in here it's hard to really get a sense of detail but you see the building's kind of through it all and the trees through it all there is a large what appears to be ruined structure over here that may have been some sort of palace or something in its day and then a number of other large buildings including an amphitheater here on this side that you can't see Patrick because there's a tree in the way but it's there but you've got the airship you can park it and in your dinosaur anywhere you want that empathy there'd be a good venue if we ever wanna yeah it's about diversification right now the entertainment business you know very fragmented does does that big structure look vaguely maze-like to me it it looks like in its day I think it might have built was sort of a raid out like the symbol of OOP Tao oh that's a good sign so it does bear a striking resemblance to that yes I mean should should we land there now OOP Tao like loved people to do the maze it was important to him that they do that landing in is the OP I assume that that's the same as saying [ __ ] you OOP Tao they love dinosaurs though true plate so you could just oh my god there's a little bridge I saw no it looks unstable Chris there's actually tiny people over here living their entire lives there's actually a little overturned cart yeah little flowers next to it it's like like we should lay in somewhere outskirts of the maze yeah look at honor the maze yeah it's also like the amphitheater might just be a good place to put the ship in our dinosaur so it doesn't run away yes it seems like you got a hard dick for this amphitheater man you want to go to the [ __ ] okay VRE has been selling out the little venues and this place seems like while they're debating I'm gonna tie everyone to the boat so no one gets thrown over yeah this I just don't want anyone to get chucked off again but I'd like busy doing their [ __ ] and you're just playing I'm literally just walking around tying ropes to them excellent all right so the amphitheater for like graft okay you bring it down you bring it down you bring it down make perception checks as you're landing just to see if you notice any other features in the city 12 20 is very good you found the Arby's at 14-14 I have got I don't have a natural 20 but I do have a 26 26 yeah okay the two of you notice that in the cliffs are ledges not surprisingly but perched on some of those ledges and watching you descent are gargoyles oh and at first they look like just now weird carvings but they do move and watch you and you can see that they have weird faces that look like that oh I suspected open will big distended open mouths are they making any movement towards us or they just hanging out on the ledges they're just hanging out on the ledges but you're clearly being observed what do I know about gargoyles make an arc on I am near everything Arcana yep 15 there are creatures of Elemental Earth there is a legend that they are born on the elemental plane has broken off shards of a prince of Elemental Evil called Agra MOC rule and that these pieces become gargoyles but they can be brought by wizards and other beings into the material world and enslaved or bound as Guardians so they're not gnat a magical then they're evil oh yeah that's what I was getting at thanks for thanks for jumping right to the end there yeah there is the lead to leave when you say there are legends alleges and and did you see some of these or there are many of you're able to count 3 3 3 ledges or 3 guard 3 gargoyles each on their own ledge watching you just watching at the moment and judging judging do you guys tell us about it oh yeah actually probably over there I'm like that oh yeah definitely how many ARMs did I have it's like a shard of the oh yeah yeah the dude oh yeah evil yeah they have forearms they're like animal things no they have two arms these ones okay because a four-armed one like like rekt us at one point oh really I mean voiced by Jonathan Frakes oh I hope so my okay now I'm not one to pick a fight no but how is the airship armed so the airship has a dragon slaying harpoon on the front as you recall and it's got a crossbow a swivel crossbow on the back let's just let's let's let's kill these things now because I don't want to come back and they're looking through my ship exactly I tell Scooby and olondria primp to ready the crossbow okay they're tied to the ship sorry let some slack out I'm like I'm not letting go you guys okay as they run the ropes just sort of criss cross you omen god damn it have you ever got damn thing I ready to crossbow okay I'm I don't I don't have like big wizardy spells should I take the big harpoon gun everyone we go with that yeah yeah how far are we from this cliff wall as far as you want to be when you were descending and you noticed it you were probably about sixty feet away okay I'd say strix how do you feel about gargoyles what's your position I mean they're real bad yeah yeah well they'll wreck you can I ask you a favor oh okay I think you have to tell me a favor I can't say no I think I say can I ask you a favor and then I gently tap the contract I say I need you to kill some gargoyles all right plural by myself no no will help okay good that doesn't usually work out when I'm by myself no I mean I say Jim yeah go it's tricks you want me to kill the gargoyles and show her a couple things throw a couple tricks I got it I get it no I just I do I need you both you have rooms I'm just saying you can fly in charge yeah okay yeah okay he said sure all right that was roll initiative also say now Jim we might need you here on the ship so stay close I'm close yeah okay that's my that's my way of saying of all the people who should fly out to meet the gargoyles yeah you're not top of my list with my 20 the sanity I've got cutout versions of those NPC sheets I'll give one to each one of you oh cool and on your turn you can also determine what your NPC does so who do you want to have a tweed bar some The Rock gnome with the clockwork drone tweed bar some that is I want to be I have pushed off the ship all right yeah they fling you turn on me yeah I don't listen I don't need you to complicate this guy he says oh joy who wants a tweed bar 'some mr. Jim all right I don't who wants al Andrea primp you gets cubby and I wanted Scotty see exactly the hole right Scooby and I are friends all right so what are your initiatives I have eighteen eighteen twelve twelve eighteen seventeen seventeen fourteen fourteen all right oh man yes I have an 18 which is very high yes well I just wanted to make sure everybody knew you go first I do now I am wheeling this crossbow over and I'm aiming it at these guards okay and then I just say it's a buckle up and I lose I lose some massive bolts all right let's see yeah now how would I do that in game just make a d20 roll ad plus six can do 15 okay you hit good all right [Applause] this is the crossbow right it is roll to D 10 can do fuck-you gargoyle that's 12 sir okay that strikes The Gargoyle you wound it and chip it slightly but it seems to be highly resistant to this non magical weapon damage how it is sometimes you need the magic gym dark magic magic yep all right next up is or sorry you've got an NPC as well what do you want a laundry ax to do a laundry up if anything and she can do nothing that's fine let's see she can I have her launch garages of magic missiles you sure can yep that's what I'm gonna have her do all right roll some magic missle dice so if she's using a first-level spell it's 3 d 4 plus 3 yeah here comes okay 3 d 4 so that's 4 nice work of laundry too so 6 and then another 2 so 8 plus 3 is 11 all right those magic missiles blow parts off that gargoyle much more effective perfect all right Strix and stubby all right against my better judgment because I really wanted to show off my super cool spells I'm going to cast death ward on Jim because I know that if he dies I'm never going to get to go home what is death ward oh it's a spell that you don't have [Applause] see I'm a favored soul sorcerer which cool that I can take cleric spells to pervert right by the way how high do you want the ship to be off the ground while you're fighting this aerial battle high like 60 feet 80 feet hundred feet all right well let's see so 100 feet would be basically at the top of the cliffs yeah let's say 60 okay so that we can get good shots on them but I'm not gonna be exposed to any [ __ ] jungle spiders or whatever they'll hear okay flying gargoyles flying gargoyles I'm kind of assumed all right what what does that spell do if I die do I not die you're not you don't die you're not dying you know I you might do I notice her casting it on me like you might where know a spell has been cast on you all right I'm like hey not cool spell magic I don't know it okay I I say I make the motion I say the words but I keep the spell I'll leave your magic hang on okay let me just check something here performance sure well 14 got a 10 I don't need your shitty spells I'm hurt you know I save your life how was your action that was my you know just wasted yeah gone now it doesn't exist I dispelled it so easily wave of my hand was gone I'm gonna throw the vial of your vomit on you what would Scooby like to do if anything Scooby is actually an illusionist so I'm gonna tell Scooby to kind of like if he can like maybe like make an illusion on the ship do something that will make the make the ship look like it's someplace else or like though like what I don't do well under pressure [Laughter] damn it Scooby I just just make a make I know it was birds around the ship but a bunch of crows around the ship alright he puts these creatures that look like pelicans let's sort of flutter around the ship like four of them I'm sure these chuckle Fox don't encourage you at all but I believe in you all right the gargoyles realizing they're under attack will spring forth leap from their ledges down upon you and they will come one will come swooping at you VRE you're on the front weapon but that's gonna be a 15 noop noop one it's going to come after you almond and one is going to come after Scooby it's coming up all right crits Scooby how many how many hitman here listen he's covered in birds yeah ignores the dumb pelicans as he swoops down grabs scooby and just bites Scooby's face and give me when you say bites do you mean eats yes basically eats cubbies face or that big mouth and says as his face prepare to be and does 12 points of damage he's dead I just you know envies they just get near me and they die then with its mouth still on Scooby's face and his claws sinking in Discovery's flesh it flies off what takes him away yeah I still believe in you Joanie Stubbs the last one comes after you Jim he's tied by a rope [Laughter] [Applause] that's pretty good tricks on behalf of acquisitions corporated I want to say excellent work oh yeah he's super dead now we just have a gargoyle like that we build in ya the gargoyle gets about 20 feet out and then snaps and part of Scooby goes one way in part of God no there's not a lot of a me as a gnome and the other one comes after you Jim yeah good luck yeah it'll land on the deck and its first attack misses it's gonna tick you with its claws and it rolls a 22 barely all right barely it will do nine points of damage Yeah right okay I get that spell I guess a re I will say to him nur shoot it all right make a g20 role and add five if you did will do a [ __ ] ton of damage 14 14 14 yeah alright that just misses the gargoyle ah big heart he has a plus one DX he can't add his own decks to this siege weapon he has +1 to charisma he looks great doing just like prepare to be means fetchingly against brother and his ball just misses it by a whisker okay but the thing is right on top of Jim pretty much yeah so I'll run toward it I will bonus action chippy I choose you alright big giant Albuera on deck gets all tangled and then I will do all manner of the attacks on starting all right I do I have the plus one sword and I have a rapier which is not magical the plus one sort of be a big one yep Oh a lot like 25 and better yes - it's okay I will put the sneak attack on the magic sword good call and then it will be one two three get as many as you want he won't say [ __ ] no I'll just be like you win good job the face of some that dices top yeah there's a table top Dyson six it's 22 Lord 22 plus 6 is 28 Strix can't even do this much math yeah that's 28 on the magical sword okay and then 7:15 on the regular rapier okay so six on that one all right you plunge the magic sword through its stony form and cracks appear in its body the other one you're able to chip off some of its body but not do as much damage you might need the other so it is still alive and out Jim does chippie attack chippy yes got attack and he has bite yes that's right here no 18 Dean honey all right give me some beacon claws damage so for the beak it's one to ten plus five good and it's that's the crit okay so to D ten plus five lemons and the claws is to D eight plus five cows up to the 8:15 okay the combination of all of that causes the gargoyle to just crumble to pieces yup so there's one that was fighting you has now been gone Lane there's a few that are left are flying they're not on the deck that is correct okay I'm gonna do scorching ray and I'm gonna cast it at a fourth level so I'm gonna have four Ray's I'm gonna do there's one that's been hit yes I'm going to do all four on that guy all right shooty six four times nine eight I hope somebody's adding this 10 27 3 30 30 damage so this scorching ray it has to be like some some John Woo type [ __ ] we're saying you're just dropping one subs are flying in slow motion I'm pulling Juan's out of everywhere just like a Daft Punk concert just Ray's going on every direction we're just like it's too bright it's too much yeah now these spells normally require an attack roll oh yeah it's up to you I don't but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna take the damage way Oh what you have it's your birthday this is what it feels like to be pad incredible my life has been a lot harder than yours my mercy my mercy knows no bounds yes so that one is now very very badly wounded would you like your NPC to do anything yeah tweed will he's got a little clockwork drone yeah can I sit have him send it out to just sort of Harry the other one that's flying around I just wanted to get into faith absolutely all right so it's got a little clockwork drone flying in its face so all right I would argue that it was the distraction of that drone that let Jim oh yeah nail it nail it yep all right yeah I buy that so your dinosaur your dinosaur that's 18 still strapped to the inner side of the ship yeah sees this tied off meal comes swinging down and so it starts to move this little leg or big legs to try to get closer to it I think swinging close like it never got there yeah so on the deck you just sort of feel this little kind of motion sway god the term is opportunistic carnivore the only even nobody's looking all right so it's you can feel the slight sway but none of you need to make checks to hear a loud roar from down below so loud that it fills the city with its sound and terrifies the gargoyles to know Oh goggles are not terrified at all but your crew certainly is but it seems to be coming from underneath you yes yeah yes and you hear this sort of sound like do i it does my glass of water have like yes even though we're flying this doesn't Kris cinematic effect yeah all right but it is omens turn I love it so this is what I think I need to do so I have a spell called magic weapon yes you do now I should be able non magical weapon becomes magical can I cast magic weapon on the ships crossbow yes oh that's what I'm gonna do well are the gargoyles like are they made of stone they are can't you shape stone [Applause] don't you have stone shape what's up inanimate stuff inanimate stone idiot [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] cool I like to think that omen kind of turns aside flipster a little book runs his finger down yeah all right no I can't do that all right so you cast the spell yeah exactly and that's that's my that's not my turn right you have a move action but you I'm gonna I'm gonna cast a spell and out there this make this an O holy instrument of time Maura what do you do I'm gonna look over the edge it was my movement action and try to find the source of this boum boum boum climbing up this is a new mop out of the amphitheatre is a Tyrannosaurus Rex I told you this amphitheater was a [ __ ] show and you can see this Tyrannosaurus Rex has feathers growing out of it nice no I want to see is he here for a show there's a tiny ticket in his hand he seems to be very very intrigued with what's going on above okay all right he's coming up to high ground to get a better look nice yeah exactly so I I shout across the deck to a laundry a primp to deliver more magic missiles all right p pu pu to four nice work a laundry yeah twelve points to he blows apart the one that Jim yeah damaged if she but she jumps a little bit on the deck all right Strix oh gosh and I've heard this dinosaur as well so I'm just like pulling I'm gonna first pull up the bloody rope all right you pull up what's left of Scooby sorry money tubby Steve thank you tonight all right that's probably your action getting them up on the deck of the ship really you could decide to let him go and do something else yeah you know what I'll take that back whatever in [ __ ] you Scooby I got I got spells the cast yes you do what is bloody rope hanging off the ship so there's a dinosaur I don't want anything to do with this so I'm going to try and fly out and fireball it all right you sore off on your broom and you lob a fireball down on to the dinosaur yeah he's gonna do rig what's your safety see I believe 16 yeah all right roll your damage the dinosaur takes all of it you know we didn't know that this dinosaur is hostile it was just we were making noise right outside these all of its feathers burn off wow you know what color is the fireball I would say it's a green flame there's another green flame voting I got I got confused counting the numbers because everyone yelled oh that was thirty all right thank you yeah thank you math students thirty okay momentarily it's engulfed by this big fireball and then the fire clears and it's still there all blackened and scorched no more feathers no also you end up consuming it's half written novel [Laughter] BRE it's truly a tragic figure what was it about a dinosaur romance novel urban fantasy oh there you go I mean look yeah yeah I'm glad I'm glad I burned it how far down is it to the dinosaur 30 feet because you're 60 feet up and he's at the top of the amphitheater I can I can jump 30 feet dish again anyone can jump 30 feet it's really more about the landing now I'm assuming that this harpoon is like a woman done it would take well you could reload it it takes an action to load the weapon there's a refractory but you have an NPC so all right are there other crossbows that you know that hip nur can just go and shoot because they're already loaded okay the other ones at the after the crowd there's the harpoon at the front and the crossbow after you can't get to the aft one in time huh and honestly the harpoon can't aim straight yeah yeah yeah for dragons so we have to lower the ship I'll say no else I'll tell him nur I'm like make good choices with this harpoon shoot what everybody if you were to tie a rope to the harpoon and shoot it straight out no that's just silly you can pretty good we authorized this I think hip nur there's there's ropes all over the deck right it's ropes everywhere so rope fest 2017 looky there sorry about that with with my cunning action yeah I will I will cut a rope that's secured to something else okay and then hip nur yeah chief thanks make good choices and I'll very carefully take the end of the rope that's tied to the ship yeah not to him nur okay nice smooth very smooth he didn't deserve that and then I will ya I'll jump off the ship towards the diner just kind of at an angle so I can swing at the Travis or X from an unexpected angle therefore hopefully gaining advantage okay [Applause] if I were a Tyrannosaurus Rex I would never expect this so not toward the mouse I mean that's the most unexpected vector it would be the unexpected vector all right if that'll get me advantage that's where I'm going you see all right you succeed make your attacker all okay I probably have to have one hand on the rope right oh okay so then it will just be the attack with this magic sword I'm just like watching this like what is even happening what is this about oh that's right I have advantage 1111 plus 10 is 21 what oh yeah yes right 21 hits yeah it would would ya you stab it in the mouth and I need the advantage because that gets me my sneak attacks oh so that's 10 20 7 8 9 10 11 12 to 32 what did this dinosaur ever do to you yeah really all right this dinosaur takes that it's grievously wounded you impale your sword up into the roof of its mouth grab on to it no I've got the rope a rope yeah I need one more arm you didn't think about it at all that's just the end of my turn right yeah Jim yeah oh I forgot the third gargoyle yes yes so there's one more gargoyle right yeah t-rex I forgot the gargoyle it is going to attacks tricks good this is what its bite and misses with its claws huh right sorry Jim you're up let me tell you what I'd like to do okay I assume that I can hop over the side on my broom I would like to go down to 18 okay and I want to pull whatever pin is holding him in there and I want to get on the back and I'm casting feather fall so that we're just [Music] [Applause] all right Hey you release 18 yeah 18 falls like a stone you cast feather fall yeah so at anytime on the way down do you want to do it I want to build up some momentum first all right we're just going like I'm like a missile a dinosaur missile right at this t-rex yes you come right down on the t-rex yeah about to hit the t-rex and then I and I pop it you're floating yeah drifting slowly down to the angered t-rex 18 lands gently on its back I landed a triceratops on the back of a t-rex I just want to appreciate that for a second all right happening I'm just like watching with horror on my face like it is the Hunger X's turn that's more distracting than you so you're free and clear the first time I didn't have much hair obsession yeah you're upstaged tear your sword out as it turns its head around you sort of go slowly tumbling off its back with your actually you're not feather fall of your dinosaur is but you're on it yeah you kind of tumble slowly off to the side the dinosaur turns around fully and looks at you Jim and this evil dinosaur you see in its eyes more malevolence than you would expect in a dumb animal certainly more malevolence than you've seen in any animal and it will try to bite down on you oh you have how many hit points I'm on the back of a triceratops uh I'm not mad I'm not mad yeah I'm saying it has lashing as your cleric listen every book about dinosaurs has a picture of a triceratops beating the [ __ ] out of a t-rex hold on hold on hold on what I want to say is that these pictures have the Triceratops goring the belly not writing that the e-rep make an attack were all for your Triceratops as it reacted all right so as this creature bites down at you your Triceratops Gore's it through the side strip damage so roll 8 d 8 + I guess you were right one I guess it does I guess that's what happens all right somebody to help role here role individual dice and we will all add it okay so it was 1 3 6 10 5 15 3 3 how many more do I get how many was that I get two more yeah thank you 728 36 36 yeah 6 + 6 42 42 all right you the tyrannosaurus hit you with a 28 just yeah it actually rolled an 18 on the die and does 33 points of damage to you I don't know that though I'm still crying somewhere because I mean the rest of you see the Tyrannosaurus get gored it snaps Jim Jim's gone and then the two dinosaurs sort of tumble down off the amphitheater and crashed down it's slow motion and when they hit bottom you're pretty clear that Tyrannosaur is dead [Applause] yep yes warden it's it's how he would have wanted to go I want to do over I want to do over he died doing what he loved most riding two dinosaurs at once [Laughter] riding a dinosaur who was writing another dinosaur so the rest of you saw Jim dispel the death wart yeah so he's gone Danny God that's what you get that's what you get i lower the airship down near this pile of dinosaur meat all right if the Mary Poppins y'all [Applause] yeah actually legitimately I would let go of the rope and I would run to Jim like postes you don't say oh like I know he's you've got to be in like the things mouth no I go I go and I go and get him alright alright so you go to the mouth and you see that this creature must have swallowed Jim so you'll either have to cut it open or go down its gullet no I can take care of that you got this yeah this is your thing right yeah all right [Laughter] this is the kind of thing where you should be able to get out of your contract all right so you crawl down the dead tirana sources throat find about six things to add to your collection that's pretty sweet you see this arm and you just start to pull on it make a strength athletics check all right you hear moaning your foot still sticking out because honestly I was there ready to cut it open you're like alright you just start crawling right no one even asked her to do it only to be honest I really just wanted some of the guts but I probably would have tied a rope around myself to be honest yeah okay there's a rope around everything else yeah all right I'm like like kick twice if she kicks you in the head twice what teamwork here is rope to tug on Alondra down she comes the elf comes over to hold this pulls with a laundress help you pull Strix out and with Strix comes gym dark magic is how's Jim doing he seems to be death warded what does it wide to me with no help from anyone else I have to survive [Applause] so Jim you're still unconscious oh oh he's talking to the grave no you're at one hit point my mistake perfect yes there you go takes a lot more than a two dinosaurs to kill Jim dark magic infamous alright so after pulling Jim out of the gullet of this creature Strix you stand up and you're just covered with goop and gore and it's lovely yeah so meta speaking we are running at a time we're in the last two minutes yeah so to close this out what would you like to do is 18 alive 18 is alive yeah take care you take care of like a Jurassic Park where she's listening to the breath like I'm just laying on his side he breathes I'm just gonna be like I saved his life up on the up on the deck of the ship I have a mystical incinerator you do I remove a contract from my pouch [Applause] [Laughter] and I feed it into the device right I say Strix it's been an absolute pleasure well we'll come back and help you you don't have to use infernal contracts you know you can just ask and and that's what I'll do next time just just send send a bird or whatever you people do I don't know sure sounds good all right in a black flame Strix disappears [Applause] on the deck of the ship yeah yeah you burn [ __ ] you Jim into the deck don't [ __ ] lie to me next time like right at your feet yeah yeah out of the jungle coming into the the bottom of the amphitheatre a small figure an old woman she looks at you and omen she seems familiar you believe you hired her halfling yes big white bun yes staff of the master yes rosy bee stinger [Applause] and that's where we'll stop for this show [Applause] now hey lady now mr. mr. brain get out mr. Perkins yeah it has to think straight I have to thanks Trix for coming on the show we got a special thing here all right Jerry all right all right all right can I kick my [ __ ] all right strix in the mix with a twist of trash which zoom on a broom fast gettin cash which ensemble unplanned on brand when she brandish watch her switch from a trash to an eldritch blast which make a sandwich are you the big man on campus Big B's big hand put a man on the canvas shelter she'll turn some planar chant to planar cam she's an optimist and to think for just a handful of [ __ ] I got all this [Music] VRE sorry I mean mister dunne Stucker the one [ __ ] mr. Perkins gives sucker [Laughter] jintan swims get him tangled OC gyms Williams get him tangled I told you about it before I said you should try to remember it yeah I got it no no thank you thank you very much oh um weeks oh here here gyms whims get him tangled up in high jinks the guy winks and a shy Spinks tries kinks it was it was a good one come get with this a mini ffice higher than a condor wraps wider than the kind of tree they got at Gondor all for one and one for all that's the adage get a bandage cuz I'm droppin savage damage on the Sabbath good night [Applause] you

Channel: pennyarcadeTV

Views: 642,312

Keywords: PATV, acq inc, acquisitions incorporated, penny arcade, wizards of the coast, wotc, dungeons and dragons, d&d, omin dran, jim darkmagic, binwin bronzebottom, viari, patrick rothfuss, scott kurtz, jerry holkins, mike krahulik, pvponline, toonhound studios, kingkiller chronicles, morgan webb, pax south, pax, kris straub, holly conrad

Id: 9EjmO4cN3-U

Length: 183min 11sec (10991 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 12 2017