Former FBI Agent Analyzes First Date Body Language | WIRED

on a date we're looking at each other's faces and one of the things that's interesting is as we scan we also look at the lips when we're very comfortable around each other the lips are full these little folds called the pillows fill with blood when we're comfortable around each other so much so that when we kiss we actually feel the warmth my name is joe navarro and i am a non-verbal communications expert when it comes to dating most of our decisions are really based on non-verbals how they look does this person have a nice manner are they well behaved we cannot escape this this is part of our being human you know every time we walk by somebody we're interested in and we groom ourselves and preen ourselves in a way this is part of that heritage of presenting ourselves at our best so that we will be considered so let's look at this couple on their first date it's interesting times so as we watch these two individuals the first thing we'll notice is they're both a little nervous and that's to be expected and the reason for that is when we come into visual range we are both assessing each other the limbic area of the brain is doing the major processing it is looking at this other person for those features that say is this person a threat to me or are they not a threat to me do they look healthy respectful are they well mannered do they look well groomed things like this this is the magical process that we all engage in of grabbing as much information about this person before we even begin to talk to them [Music] as we get closer then we begin to assess each other's faces we're looking at each other to see if the person is attractive to see if we can have a harmonious moment and in part it has to do with the fact that we have this visual cortex if if you make a fist that's about the size of your visual cortex that visual cortex wants to be fed and it's not just us uh many animals for instance lionesses uh prefer the lion that has the large mane and so it tends to be very universal that we have a preference for that which is beautiful and which stands out in fact when i see someone that's absolutely beautiful my pupils dilate we don't have control over that we know that because we've done studies on babies and their pupils dilate when they see something beautiful so the more that we like each other the more of the scanning that takes place you can certainly see the man scanning the woman and usually that scanning is eye to eye to nose to mouth to throat back up to the eyes and it's this triangle look at how often they're scanning each other versus i'm looking at you one second and then i'm totally looking away and back and forth [Music] as we see from the video there comes a point where they stopped being sort of restless they sort of settled down and they've now transitioned from getting acquainted and getting situated to the conversation in earnest one of the first things that stood out for me at the two-minute mark is you see her leg stretched out which is a terrific indicator that she's very much interested in this individual because otherwise that leg would never go out that far it would remain restrained this is a very limbic response which at a subconscious level says i'm willing to spend more time with you so much so that i'm on one leg and off balance that it's towards him is very positive because when we're getting along with each other we're going to see more reaching out towards the person i'm talking to and these are similitudes of i wish we were closer together we're very comfortable we tend to touch things we may actually touch ourselves whether it's our watch or our hands or a purse or something we become more tactile because our body is asking us to contribute to the positive nature of what's going on and that's what we're seeing here you'll see some self-adjusting on her part to make herself even more comfortable conversely we see the man rubbing his hands on his knee so they seem in a position where they can feel comfortable with themselves and with the other person hand gestures are so much part of communication because they help to convey a story visually but they also represent our emotions let's say a woman is playing with her hair as she is talking to a man and if she likes the man what we'll see is that she'll rotate her wrist so that when she plays now with her hair the inside of the wrist is now facing the man in the old days when a lot more people were smoking you would smoke this way but the minute you like the person with you then you would rotate the wrist towards that person as the date continues we begin to see a lot of ventral fronting and and so forth when we like people we turn and rotate our ventral side towards them the limbic system is not going to permit you to front your ventral your weakest side to something that you dislike at a very young age you'll see a young child maybe two three years old immediately cross their arms turn around and go i don't want to go and you say where did you learn that behavior it's innate as we move along what you notice is that every time she moves he moves she moves he moves this is clearly isopraxis going on this is true body echoing their bodies are mirroring each other we know that there is synchrony and when there's synchrony there's harmony just before the 11 minute mark we see them laughing simultaneously and that is probably one of the most apparent displays that we have as humans of we are in synchrony it's kind of a beautiful dance to watch especially when you look at it at rapid speed when one touches the face such as at the 13 minute mark the other one touches the face and so forth as you move between 30 and 33 minutes you'll notice that the quick head movements that she makes are mirrored almost perfectly by the same head movements that he makes which again is indicative of psychological comfort and harmony we can tell that there's a lot of interest we see them leaning in we see them expressing themselves and so forth these behaviors are very much consistent with what we would say hey they're they're getting along even to the casual observer several things stand out they both remained in place for a considerable period of time they mirrored each other they took comfort in each other their body language is communicating we're getting along we're interested in each other and that's the beauty of nonverbal communications is that i didn't have to listen to what they said i was looking at what they were shouting through their body language and their body language was saying we are in harmony

Channel: WIRED

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Id: PBDgOU_kr5E

Length: 8min 54sec (534 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 03 2021