Fluffy Bits: Season 1 Full Special | Gabriel Iglesias

[Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] [Music] i love you guys man i have i have way too many good memories here man some of them are kind of blurred because i was you can't have all seriously around here you got to be careful because the police here in bakersfield don't mess around they will stop you for anything man they got me outside what are you doing walking but i noticed something though if you can make a cop laugh they will work with you but you got to really make them laugh you can't just make them go ah you got to make them you know you know i made a cop laugh so hard one time he almost peed on himself i know this because he told me he was like you don't understand not damn near piss myself and here in bakersfield man it's no different man i've had a i love every part of this town i even love oildale oh yeah and for everybody watching at home going what the hell is oil there [Applause] but i still love it guys i still love it but yeah man drinking here in town you got to be careful though man because some people can handle alcohol you know who you are some people can you have no clue guys especially you know how it goes we get loaded we turn into one of three people right we're either the i love you guy i hate you guy or the mere guy you know that guy right i know cause that's me oh my god i can't handle alcohol people when they get drunk they say things they don't mean and you know when i'm drunk you hear something like whoa i'm going running you better cut me off oh hell yeah man and when i drink i only drink like regular alcohol i don't do beer beer just doesn't know beer makes me talk to my body i don't like that when i get drunk on beer i get weird i'm like you know [Music] what's the matter hey you said you could hang don't talk to me there you're talking [ __ ] too and if you're gonna drink and you are thinking about driving don't do it you know it's not a good idea cause like i said you know when you're drunk you know when you're drunk you're doing laps in the parking lot you can't find the exit hello some of you make it out to the streets you know when you're drunk you're like you know behind you you hear her you know if you hear if you hear the magical sound one of two things will pop into your head either one i'm okay i'm fine i can beat this or two i'm gonna go to jail i'm gonna go i'm gonna go i gotta let you go babe i'm gonna go to jail tell the kids i love her [Applause] i'm gonna tell you right now again if you can make the police laugh you have a chance if you do get pulled over for drunk driving okay pull over as slowly and as safely as you can get over there now if you know for a fact that you are gonna go to jail okay you're already i'm gone have a little fun i don't mean to take off in a high speed pursuit no no no no don't do that cause you're not gonna get very far i mean if you're drunk and you know you're gonna go to jail you know and you have tinted windows have a little extra fun take off your seat belt jump over the passenger side throw your seat belt back on and just wait for the cop you have no idea how bad you're gonna throw his ass off you guys he's gonna come over to the driver's side with a flashlight [Applause] oh you're sitting there dude he was here a second ago i don't know where he went excuse me what me drive a hell no i'm [ __ ] up that's sad because i know some of you are going to try it man you're like do what the [ __ ] i said do it and for the record i'm not fat i'm fluffy [Music] for those of you who still don't know there are five levels of fatness fluffy is one of the levels there's big healthy husky fluffy and damn i'm still number people four how do you know when you're number five well because people will tell you you know if you try to get on an elevator that's crowded and people stop you and go [Applause] if you go to disneyland that little kids want to ride you [Music] yeah i'm sorry little kids are too honest man they're like little alcoholics you know and as far as you know disneyland i love disneyland but they're not fluffy friendly they're not man they care about safety you know and that sucks because i can handle one bar one bar i'm cool but now they got the whole you know if you're fluffy one of those is not gonna lock you're trying [Music] people are in line you can do it one time i took a trip with my buddy mondo right big guy another big guy and uh i went with him because his family you know they decided to go and he didn't want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers so we're hanging out at the end of the day my buddy mondo goes dude we should get on a ride i go which one they all we can't get on none of them do we're too big he goes there's a ride here at disneyland it's called splash mountain i go what is that he goes it's a log and you get inside the log and it goes uphill goes down makes a splash no seat belt no pull bar you just get in and go i'll go no seat belt no pull bar so we get in line for it right we're all pumped up and i see people getting off the ride with these little note cards i go what are those he goes oh they take a photo of you when you go downhill oh okay cool so we get to the front of the line and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset the lady who takes her job way too serious okay how many people four okay two here two here how many five okay three there two there we get to the front how many p who cares we get our own boat right we take off we're splinching and splashing like little kids three minutes go by the moment of truth we get to the hill right [Laughter] my buddy mallow turns around and he says dude let's flash the camera i said you're stupid i'm down so as soon as it let us go right we get off the ride we are soaking wet all right here we got a mean old baby rash [Applause] we gotta buy the picture and there's a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen and i asked my buddy mondo i said bro what boat are we he says 22. i go she's covering 22. he goes oh we better sneak out of here oh yeah we're gonna sneak out here we get past the picture girl but then we get stopped by disney security and you have not lived until you've been stopped by a freaking man wearing a badge in the shape of a mouse this guy was like hold on hold on a second man move your hand away from the screen you guys see what i see here that's a disgrace to this spark we can't believe anyone could take such a photo my question to you guys [Music] do you recognize the two big women in this picture and it wasn't until we walked over to this photo that my buddy armando and i realized something about ourselves and that is that when two full-grown fluffy men are going downhill at a 45 degree angle with no shirts on going like this we both look like sexy [ __ ] but again if you're gonna drink just be careful you guys you know again someone you can handle and some i got kicked out of a bar on st patrick's day i was performing at the bar how do i get thrown out right you know i'm having fun people are giving me free drinks here have another drink i'm like i started pissing off the management and the owners of this irish place that i was at right the bartender is like hey buddy relax are you okay are you having a good time i was so drunk i did this i'm having a great time people around me oh my god are you irish i was like hey like what part of ireland are you from uh downtown are you here by yourself oh no i'm not here by myself donkey [Music] now if you're not laughing you need to get out more often because that's a funny joke that's hysterical ask a 10 year old they'll tell you that's funny i did that joke one night at memphis tennessee and some guy thought he knew why i was funny and he was way off but he confronted me outside all drunk hey fluffy like what come here you mirror and he walks over and he's like i have to tell you your show was hysterical near wetting myself when you said don't care my friend roy didn't laugh so i had to explain it to him and he thinks i'm wrong but i know i'm right could you set the record straight sure what'd you tell your friend okay look here i told him the reason why i was funnered in hell but you said donkey it's cause you're mexican and you people ride donkeys [Applause] normally i would have been all over this guy but two things one i was in memphis tennessee no support and two the guy was drunk i just don't deal with drunk people when it comes to drinking and women ladies when you go out make sure you take one guy with you you need to take one guy even if he's oh my god you need one because a group of you get together there's always one girl who will elect herself the team captain right try to rally the troops get everybody together you know okay look check it out this is a shut up okay look this is what's gonna happen we're gonna take my car so leave your car my car leave your car ready ready let's go they get in the car they get to the club [Music] oh no my purse they go inside the club they start jamming having fun riding [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] end of the night that same girl who's been the leader the captain she gets more hammered than everybody she's the biggest hypocrite walking out missing a shoe purse keys friends car look at some of your pointing that's you [ __ ] end of the night she's stumbling out of the club i gotta pee not anymore she's on the curb crying mascara's coming down her face i'm so wasted who the hell is gonna want me now that's when i come out [Applause] yeah i keep coming back to alcohol i keep having these issues with it you know like i got loaded one night and i don't know what happened i accidentally went up at this um dance place gentlemen clubby place right i wasn't driving it was an accident we pulled up to the place and i knew where i was at even when you're drunk you could be drunk and blind you know where you're at as long as you're here you know i walked in there and i got recognized by one of the dancers and you got to call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you don't get mad i am not a stripper okay i am an entertainer i'm like no i'm an entertainer you're nasty some girl recognizes me she's like oh my god i know who you are you're famous and i'm like oh no oh no and some other dancer was spinning on a pole over her famous and she stopped just she walks over oh my god you're famous can i have your autograph okay you don't even know me i don't care okay relax what's your name diamond what's your last name rodriguez with all my love and affection hurry up i got mad so i wrote george lopez [Applause] i was drunk i didn't care right i'm not loaded she freaked out she's like oh my god oh my god you're george lopez i can't help but you guys i was so drunk i did this i said [Applause] [Applause] hey i won't lie you guys george knows i do that i don't think he likes it i've done that to a couple of other people you know i did that to paul rodriguez and paul was cool paul was really cool about it he was like you know hey i heard there's a guy out there who knows how to attack like me is that you i said yeah that's me that's pretty good [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] how you do it now carlos knows i do that and he gets mad at me because he goes you gotta do it better uh sometimes i use my voices for evil man i won't lie if i don't have my weight like when i go to drive throughs and they screw up my order [Music] i go back around and i start ordering but i throw them off by doing this don't come on the speaker you're gonna fantastic burger how can i help you i'll do this hello sir hi can i please have a double cheeseburger in order fries in a shake or fries and i pull up oh they're not expecting me oh the look on their face is the best right did you just order they come back with a bag of food you know um would you like ketchup that's where i let them have it oh my god yes [Applause] hell yeah man oh and by the way before i forget i know i have a habit of my shows of sometimes throwing a little spanish in there if you don't understand spanish i do apologize okay i promise i will be translating i don't want anybody freaking out or reporting me to the management with concerns or issues you know what the hell is going on in here what kind of show is this no somebody better hit the sap button on that song [ __ ] real quick i didn't pay good money to hear some samoan speak spanish [Applause] i'm not samoan i'm fluffy i didn't know why the guy thought i was salone you know and i've had this happen a couple times when people go are you hawaiian like no no not just a shirt i thought it was just a shirt but no how could it just be a shirt just because you wear a freaking sombrero that doesn't make you mexican i see why people think of them wearing a sarape walking a donkey with a sombrero you don't look at him and go hola amigo you're like hey ted hi you know he's walking around come on stupid donkey donkey come on i don't get it man i'm just trying to do my thing but it's funny though i didn't know why the guy thought i was hawaiian until i actually went to hawaii i found out that hawaiian people actually look like swollen mexicans they do i got off the plane i looked around i was like oh my god my family even they were like aloha [Music] i love hawaii hawaii was great man they have a lot of different cultures there they have a lot of asian people a lot a lot of koreans i know this because i got a couple of shirts tailored at some places and every time i go in i was always a korean lady an older korean lady who was me i'd walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make i'm there for a week and every day she had a different comment i walk in one day and i couldn't say anything either because she was 75 years old i can't say nothing back you know but there i am walking in the lady behind the counter oh oh look at who's here look at who's here oh [ __ ] we're gonna work hard today but i can handle it though you know i can handle it people say well you know gabriel you go up there and you make fun of yourself no i don't i come up here and i tell you the things that i heard people say there's a difference you know sometimes i set myself up for jokes and i don't realize it three years ago i bought a beetle not even thinking that's not the joke shut up [Music] see i can't even tell you guys a story already [Music] i wasn't thinking i bought the car because it was affordable economical brand new freaking beetle for like 17 grand i was like first new car i go to show it off at my friend martin's house i thought it was nice i pull up martin he lives in the hood i don't get out the car across the street there are these gang members the kind of gang members they don't really get into you know like shooting people and stuff like that they just hang out on the porch and talk a lot of smack and so i'm there in a beetle and across the street i hear this right i'm like martin over here right here hey what's up guys how's it going how'd you get in there is it [Applause] two months later i go back to pick them up i've had some time to work on the car right i put some rims on it some stickers i put a chip in the motor so it goes faster i thought it was bad right i pull up [Music] uh uh i'm not turning around hey i don't see you [Applause] hey it's the oh the furious [Applause] i didn't even wait man got rid of that car man i traded it in and got myself a big old suv oh nice for a while this car freaking sucked on mileage so man i got 11 miles to the gallon oh you cannot be badass in a car that kills gas like i kill tacos you can't you can't be at the stoplight trying to intimidate other cars you know what what 20 bucks right there hell no man but it was kind of cool it had a gps navigational system in it and onstar which was really cool you know i'm driving and all of a sudden this girl's talking to me right turn up ahead and three-quarter tenths of a mile left turn and i'm like whatever you say baby being a big guy i've noticed that people feel compelled to tell me certain things after shows i get people to pull me aside and go gabriel you're a very funny guy you're very talented don't you think perhaps you're living a little excess in life and i'm like well i love to eat well don't you want to live to be a hundred well not if i can't eat tacos then as many as i want you know a lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights and you eat writing you do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long life maybe you will but you know why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were measured by freaking you know what i mean what good is it to live to be a hundred but you didn't do anything you didn't go out and kick it with friends you didn't go out and get drunk at some club and wake up in an alley one time you know how good is it you stayed in the house and you were safe and i live to be a hundred you know i don't know that's why i um you know i have a very big amount of respect for the crocodile hunter rest in peace but come on you guys yeah he died at 44 years old but he died doing what he loves to do not a lot of people can say that if i die tomorrow from over reading god bless me that's exactly how it was supposed to be you know how much adrenaline he had every single day risking his life you know how you feel when you're about to cross a street and a car and your ass almost gets hit and you're like oh and then you're hysterical oh my god i almost died touch me touch you right here touch your hair and the rest of the day you appreciate life you're like looking at the birds you're at the sky oh you're loving life he did that every day that's why every day i try to live just a little bit of my life like i might not be here tomorrow because you never know i don't want to die tomorrow knowing i could have had a piece of cake tonight shoot that's what people tell me why don't you work out why don't you lift weights what if i'm going to die tomorrow i don't wanna die sore [Music] i wanna die fool when the corner cuts me open i want the whole room to smell like potato wedges he's gonna go this guy knew how to live right here man good times you know but again the crocodile hunter i give him i give him a lot of love a lot of credit but you know people go he's such a loss to the nature community you know he taught us so much about nature and i got mad when i heard this lady on tv saying that he taught us a lot about nature and it was like no he didn't really teach a lot about nature if you want to learn about nature you watch discovery channel or one of these you know nature programs where they have a guy on safari and he's studying from afar crocodile hunter and all come on every episode hey oh you doing look over there right there it's a tiger and tiger weighs 800 pounds and it could kill a man in 10 seconds i'm gonna touch it [Applause] all right he's angry he's angry next episode ah that's a king cobra the most venomous snorkeling all the planet one boy now i'm dead i'm gonna pick it up he's angry if he really wanted people to think he was out there man america we should have borrowed him and sent him to iraq with no gun just a camera crew you imagine how bad that would have freaked out the enemy you know you're freaking a soldier working for al qaeda and you're out there you know [Music] up to him hi look over there that's an arcade a member an iraqi soldier one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet one push of a button and i'm gone i'm gonna poke him with a stick [Applause] but yeah somebody asked me earlier too they say gabriel when you get to do your special are you gonna do anything about the country you're gonna talk about politics well i'm gonna talk about first of all how i love this country and i wouldn't want to live anywhere else americans we love to vote but we don't vote for presidents we vote for things like america because that's fun voting for presidents is not fun voting for american history that's what they should do for presidents you know just put both guys on tv for one hour call it something catchy like who's gonna run this [ __ ] you put them on tv for an hour let them argue 30 minutes into the special you put a 800 number on the screen and say cast your vote right you've reached the presidential hotline please hold on [Laughter] [Music] i knew you'd be [Applause] that's back you know you miss your daddy but i have fun though you know one thing you guys definitely made possible is i have the ability now to travel and i never did that i never used to travel until i became a comedian and i'm like oh my god there's a whole nother world out there when i was hanging out in florida i got a chance to experience an amusement park that was a little different it was an alternative park called gatorland it's a real park and i've met the owners and they're really cool people but i got to tell you best part about this amusement park is they have a recording the funniest thing i've ever heard you call this park this is what you hear yeah average gatorland america's premier gator extravaganza you've seen him on tv now come see him live gatorland you're gonna love this park then he says this for spanish press two oh i gotta hear this i don't speak spanish but you're gonna love this park i was dying i called him like 10 times oh that's the best oh i'm starting to sweat a little huh too sexy okay though i have a lot of fun you guys you guys have made a lot of things possible um in the beginning when i first started coming here to bakersfield to the fox theater uh you guys showed a lot of i used to go to this taco truck place up the way called taco loco it's still there i love food on wheels you know but this taco place has taken to the next level they're really really good there and i'm not they're not paying me nothing i'm just talking about them but i go to order and these guys were kind of you know the girls were cool but the guys were mean i try to order some food right i'm like hello oh hey dude can i get two tacos chicken and a coke okay what else that's it [Applause] whatever dude we've had a lot of fun we got to promote a lot of different radio stations here in town to get the word out to you guys about the show they try to get me set up on the spanish radio station and i've done that in the past and it was okay but the last few times i had to say no because they put me on the radio with the guy who's like from mexico and i can speak spanish but you put me up against somebody from the motherland you know i walk in the studio and i'm dealing with this one guy right and we go on the air and he's like i meet that same guy in the hallway he sounded just like that oh hey how's it going are we on the air no why are you talking like that [Applause] and i freaked out because you imagine this guy goes home talking like that to his wife and his kids come two three o'clock in the morning his wife maybe wants to do a little something and she tells her man honey tonight when the kids are sleeping what are you going to do to me whatever [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] i know somebody who doesn't speak spanish is going to go home and try that tonight man you better stop that that's hard you guys you know espanol if you speak a little spanish it freaks people out oh my god he's speaking spanish you know don't get me wrong i like watching spanish programming myself some of this stuff is really cool my favorite thing are the commercials because they're always about sex you don't even know what the product is until like the last two seconds it's always some model walking out all sexy right [Music] hola i care and you're sitting there going i gotta go get a pepsi oh yeah oh my god i have a thing for soda i love it and i know they gave me water but oh soda i don't even see that right there huh excuse me pepsi oh no that's actually diet which is cool i'm not on a diet and it's funny because people go well then why do you drink diet soda so i can eat regular cake i love cake man are you kidding by the way i want to thank the three people who brought me a cake personally i have them in the bag i really appreciate that i was very nice of you the management and the promoters are freaking out they're like gabriel why do they all bring you cake i go because on tv i talked about one time how much i love cake and so people bring it my friend mando got mad he's like why don't you talk about hookers entertainer a lot of things have been happening over the years this past year i had uh the opportunity to be on a reality show and things kind of worked out a little weird but hey all i can say is the winner the winner is the winner and he did what he did he got what he got you know but hey this ain't bad for sixth place is it huh yeah i'm not the last comic standing but i'm the only one with a comedy special i know my mom is here tonight she's like it's the pinchy eagle i love my mom she's over here you guys just say hi to her right there that little woman made me and she tells everybody no he came out of here i number this is the road to success she is not shy she cracks me up though man because she likes what i do because it's working but she still doesn't get the jokes it's not that she doesn't speak english because she speaks perfect english she just doesn't see me as a comedian she sees me as her son i can't tell her joke because then she questions it and kills it right i can tell her something like you know mom why'd the chicken cross the road and i'll get who let out that chicken it's a joke it's no joke bubble so you know how much i paid for those chickens [Applause] never mind no you never mind it's cool though man she's seen me do a lot of things uh a lot of people say well give your mom a shout out what about your dad well he's not in the picture my father um went to put some beans out there my father was a mariachi way oh i swear to god dude he's one of those straight up you know and my mom hooked up with him about 30 plus years ago one night and uh you know nine months later and i came out so i have a vague memory of my father i knew him until i was about you know maybe four years old and then apparently they got the band back together and he took off and i don't remember exactly what he looks like and sometimes i'll take my mom out to dinner and i'll go mom just you know i don't mean to bug you about this but you know what what does he look like you know do you have any photos or anything i can get an idea and stuff and my mom she's funny she grabs a hot sauce he looks like that [Applause] [Laughter] just like that for those of you that don't know there's a picture of a mariachi on the bottom somebody asked me you kept talking about this guy this friend of yours is he a real person he is a real person known him forever but he's one of these comedians who doesn't know when to stop being funny and that's why sometimes it's hard to hang out with the guy because you know i know when to quit especially around cops when i hear the joke is over if i hear you get an apology my friend didn't know when to draw the line you know and we're hanging out one day and sure enough cop got mad oh you think it's real funny huh you think you think it's easy to be a police officer you see that scar i got stabbed in 92. see that bullet 196. what do you got to say about that and i was like i have nothing to say about that my friend felipe is like oh yeah what are you doing watch this he grabs my shirt pulls it up tells the cop full you see those stretch marks donuts 1996. they said dude he's gonna kill us i know food but it was funny huh and speaking of that i get pulled over by a cop one night two minutes after coming out of a krispy kreme drive-through all right don't get ahead of me watch i made a left turn instead of making a right but i wasn't paying attention because i had a box i was like oh you're gonna get it when you get home oh you've been so bad so you're gonna get it i'm not paying attention i go the wrong way right sure enough i'm sitting there patiently waiting and the cop is taking forever i said the hell with this he's taking too long i grabbed my box i put it on my lap i flipped it open [Music] right i was gonna get nasty and just as i was about to tear it up the cop gets to the window and says the same thing that they all say right you know why i stopped you it was too easy i looked at him and i said cause you can smell it [Applause] oh he was dying man it's all about [ __ ] whatever he let me go man something you just gotta be careful if you can make a cop laugh you got a chance this past year i've uh i gotta experience something else i experienced my first uh raider game now uh and listen you guys it takes a lot of nerve for me to say that after the season that happened last year that i'm a fan and i became a fan last year [Applause] you can hate if you want but you know what not only did i become a fan i did a show in oakland and i made a couple of jokes and references about the team and apparently there were two players in the audience i didn't know that maybe that's why they lost they should have been at home practicing but there were two there and they confronted me outside their big guys like so you got a problem with the raiders and i'm like they grabbed me picked me up and pin me against the wall oh my god luckily they fumbled me and i gotta wait and people go well how do you come up with your material gabriel how do you come up with the things you're gonna say things happen to me and then i instead of just going to shrink or something i suck it up and i come up here like when i did the joke about the freaking volkswagen i really used to own a volkswagen i didn't just go let me see if this is funny i had a volkswagen [Music] no i lived it people go why do you wear hawaiian shirts i've always worn hawaiian shirts bottom line is simple why do i wear them because they fit they're colorful and i'm sorry when you wear a hawaiian shirt and you're living in the ghetto people don't think you're up to no good you're not a gang member wearing a hawaiian shirt nobody's gonna take you serious you know where you from oh you can't be hard and colorful [Laughter] no way man believe me i've had my encounters i had a little encounter one time on a plane some guy was getting a little weird and i was like no more for me every time i get on a plane there's always drama always one time i'm flying to florida and our plane got hit by lightning the plane dropped 600 feet straight down us better than any ride you've ever been on i don't care who you are you could have been freaking doing 20 years in prison you killed a hundred people you can be the baddest toughest dude ever when you're in a plane and it just drops out of the sky oh i was gay for five seconds i'm not gonna [Music] oh i was a brokeback mexican yes i was i was in touch with myself i took a i took a road trip about a year ago after i got rid of the beetle in the suv took a road trip from la to phoenix to go perform at this club let me tell you who's in the car i'm driving i got my buddy armando riding a shotgun he's another fluffy guy we call him sexy [ __ ] well i don't call him that his wife calls him that he's a sexy [ __ ] anyway the back seat i got my friend martin next to him is my friend felipe so we take off we're on the 10th freeway we're passing all these indian casinos sorry we're stupid like that anyway all of a sudden all these cars start passing me around i'm getting annoyed because i'm driving uh i said next car that tries to pass me i'm not gonna let him so i'm looking in the rearview mirror waiting looking waiting waiting and i see a silver dot the silver dot turned out to be a little car with two hoochies in it right so some of you guys are going how do you know they're hoochies because my friend martin was in the back seat going i feel a disturbance in the force they tried to go around and i cut them off i'm having fun they're back there whatever my friend is in the back seat yelling at me what are you doing i go dude don't worry i'm having fun gabriel you're gonna get pulled over dude i'm okay it's cool we're arguing going back and forth i'm not paying attention i don't see a california highway patrol officer creeping up on us all of a sudden i hear i look at the speedometer 102. oh i freaked out [Music] the little car that was behind me with the two hoochies they got pulled over because they were going just as fast you know i'm in the front seat of my car freaking out oh my god oh my god i'm on the verge of tears from the back seat i hear my friend full what are you crying for what are you crying for pho you're not the one with weed in his pocket are you [Applause] you have drugs in the car i told you to slow down didn't i but no pikachu knows everything shoot everybody roll down your window i hurt the car bundle fart do something man the car box over the window looks in sees my face recognizes me from tv right he's like hey i know you you're a comedian yeah you're that guy from comedy central you're the guy that does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank column and you call him a dirty mexican and then you go but it was funny huh oh i love that joke that one and when you go chocolate cake oh i love that joke i hate to do this to you but we got two cars involved i need your license and registration okay here you go here you go so he takes my info goes back to the car with the two girls in it ryan the whole time he's back there i tell everybody in the car check it out he just recognized me from tv maybe if we have some fun with him crack some jokes maybe he won't take the car i don't care if i get a ticket but as long as he doesn't take the car mine will be silly cracker joke my thing be funny you what fool shut the hell up so the cop comes back to the car what the hell were you doing out there before i could think of something funny to say from the back seat i hear oh he was testing the suspension oh my god this pothead's gonna get me arrested officer i'm sorry that's the guy from the special that's the guy who says but it was funny huh he's just trying to get me in trouble i'm really sorry whatever so he goes back to a squad car with my driver's license and he's swiping it in a computer the whole time he's doing that he's being yelled at from the back seat of my car hey officer thank god you have a computer last week we got stopped in mexico that fool had a rolodex the cops starts oh we dying i'm going we got them going i tell my buddy mundo give me my cds i take out my bad boys 2 soundtrack and i pop it in track 3 is the theme song to cops i tell my friend tell me when the cop starts walking okay well here he comes i cranked that song as loud as i could bad boys what you gone what you gone what you gonna do [Music] [Applause] even better than that the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they're freaking out they're like oh my god we're gonna be on tv the cop goes to the girls gives them a ticket lets them go looks at our car and at this point we're like halfway through the song right we're like please not give it to me [Music] got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots the cop is in the middle of the freeway dying he walks over the window and he's like shut it off yes sir hands me my license and the registration and he tells me gabriel i want you to do me a big favor i want you to keep this tank under a hundred you think you can do that do that for me keep on doing what you do and you have yourself a nice day that's it no ticket no ticket i don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go why how come the girl's got a ticket and he tells me the coolest thing he says cause they couldn't make me laugh [Music] [Applause] [Music] you don't understand gabriel i've been on the force now for 26 years this is hands down the funniest damn traffic stop i've ever been a part of do you have any idea how hard it is to give two [ __ ] a ticket while listening to cops i damn near pissed myself i was laughing so hard this is going in the books is one of the funniest things that ever happened to a police officer i swear to god the only story better than this one is a buddy of mine pulled over some fat guy that gave him donuts [Applause] so he starts walking away right and just as i'm about to start the car so does that mean i can keep my weed i turn around to yell at my friend too late the cop is out the window you want to run that by me again son you heard what i said fool oh you think this is a big joke don't you you think that just cause i gave your buddy here a break i know who he is i like what he does i don't know you i don't like you step out of the car i turn around and my friend's like i am so scared and the cop pulls out his gun i'm freaking out i'm like oh my god back seat [Music] i am so scared full he's good he is good then he points it at him the look on my friend's face oh priceless are you serious are you serious i'm gonna go to jail i'll go to jail the cop was like nah but that was funny huh i love you bakersfield thank you so [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 4,621,722

Keywords: gabriel iglesias, stand up comedy, gabriel fluffy iglesias, fluffy, comedy, comedy videos, funny videos, gabriel iglesias full show, gabriel iglesias racist gift basket, gabriel iglesias india, gabriel fluffy iglesias snoop dogg, gabriel fluffy iglesias stand-up, gabriel fluffy iglesias one show fits all, fluffy bits gabriel iglesias, fluffy bits episode 2, fluffy bits episode 10

Id: sA7MyzGKVsg

Length: 54min 47sec (3287 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 24 2021