Flight 🥊 Like a Pro // #RelationshipGoals (Part 2)

we are going to continue a serious relationship goals today we are so excited because in our church we have a ministry for people who are getting married it's called pre marriage classes and so they're about to start in a few weeks so if you are engaged or you're gonna get married this year reach out to us we would love to sign you up and so that you can also receive a blessing and encouragement in that area let's open our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 22 verse 25 and verse 33 Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 22 says the following wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord I want us to underline first of all that God does not say for women to submit to men and all the women said this is only for wives so if you ain't got a husband you don't need to submit to no man unless you're still living with your dad then you got to submit to your dad amen amen and all the fathers said amen so this is wives submit to your own husbands now you may say but my husband is not a good husband to submit to and it says to submit to him as to the Lord your husband my mind might not be acting like the Lord but if you submit to him as though he is Jesus Christ you will be shocked with how God can change him to be more like Jesus Christ that means you don't honor him in a way he is you honor him at what you want him to be as a woman you have a power to change your husband by honoring him into the person you want him to be not browbeating you know pushing him trying to put him into the small that you created but honoring him to be that person that God created him to be somebody say Amen all the husband said Amen if we scroll down a little bit later and we see verse 25 it says husbands any husbands we have in the house this morning afternoon okay all right husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church now I genuinely believe that no woman will have a problem submitting to a man who loves her the way Christ loved the church many Chinese people say well the Bible says women submit to your husbands and everything but the harder job is not to submit the harder job is for men to love their wives not as they love themselves but as Jesus loved the church and Jesus died for the church Jesus gave his life for the church and Jesus continues to live for the church husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and he gave himself for her and then verse 33 nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself so Paul now lowers the standard he says this is the standard like this is what to aim for love your wife as Jesus loved the church he said but I know where all you guys are at he said let's start with this why don't you just start with loving your wife first as you love yourself and then let's build toward loving her as Jesus loved the church he's almost like lowers this standard because he knows where all the dudes are at and so he's like let's start with that and then let's just start going slowly up to the level where God wants us to be let love yourself as you would love let you love your wife as you would love yourself and let each wife see that she respects her husband so the primary needs of every man number one is honor and respect honor and respect every husband wants to be first honor the husband does not need to feel loved he needs to know his honored the way a husband feels loved as if he knows he's honored that means you don't need to tell him that you love him for him to know that you love him respect him and a lot of women what they give to their husbands is the things they want their husbands to give to them they give them this emotional you know smoochy stuff like man you darling I love you and everything that's not what the husbands need the most the Bible says that the wife is supposed to give to her husband respect meaning men's love language for men to know his love is when you honor him amen the second thing that every husband needs is sex amen [Music] he's not a pervert he's not just a person who struggles with lust he doesn't need prayer line he insects that means as a woman you have to understand men are visual if you're a wife you have to understand men are visual so with that knowledge you have to let the Lord lead you in what you're supposed to do with that knowledge secondly you have to understand as a woman you have to be more sexual than you feel if you want your husband to be more verbal than you feel a lot of husbands they're not very vocal a lot of husbands they're not very communicative the same way a lot of wives are very very modest when it comes to their sexuality and so with your husband you have to understand that that it's not just his it's not just his one it's also his need the third need that every husband has and that is the shared activity men enjoy and that's when the men open up is when you have an activity with them and walking in the park holding hands and talking about the weather is not an activity for a man man's activity is like you know doing something together breaking something together fixing something together killing something together catching something together building something together dad is a shared activity for me I enjoy the times when when I would do something and my wife along side is with me doing that she doesn't have to do exactly the same thing but being present there that's when I open up if your man doesn't speak to you find out what he enjoys doing and then pretend that you enjoy doing that do it with him you will be surprised he won't shut up and don't think that that activity is walking in the park now if you have a husband that enjoys walking in the park and he looks forward to that god bless you but he's a little bit weird most of the guys do not enjoy just those kind of aimless activities most guys like things that there's at the end you can see this is done this is what we accomplish this is what we did not do and when the man has a woman that's involved with him in those areas this is when he opens up the shared activity is a very importantly that every man has and that fourth one is support at home it doesn't mean that your way the wife has to because and we have no wives they work full-time it doesn't mean that you have to cook you know and clean and everything but that you shows support at home amen now every woman's needs four major primary needs number one is security and ID call it what security is because you know when I found out that my wife's number one need is security I felt very comfortable with it because I had locks installed in her house so I'm like we got it she's secure we have an alarm in our house so that's good she's secure but that is not the kind of security that every wife needs the security for a woman is spelled by two words sensitivity I mean she wants to know that she's sensitive with her and a lot of men sensitivity is is very comes very impossible for us it has to be sometimes we need to be reminded to be sensitive because as guys we can be very straightforward we can be very blunt and women they need you to be sensitive with them in other words nice sensitive and sacrificial in other words it's okay to spoil your wife actually I think it's supposed to be a rule to spoil your wife especially if you are a man you're frugal every woman usually has an obsession and the weakness for some it's purses for some it's jewelry for some it's like the stuff with her hair or than doing their nails and it's so expensive you can buy three cars in four houses after you find out how much they spend on nails and their hair and all the eyelashes and all of that stuff or their clothes so each woman has a weakness and that's completely normal the problem with us as guys is that what we do many times is we come to a woman and we find out that she really likes those shoes and she has 60 pairs of them and so instead of giving her a lecture where we do is we give her a lecture about it shouldn't be hoarding never tell that to your wife if she was 57th pair of sneakers say babe you go for it but can we do one thing for every pair you buy why don't you give one pair away and the ones like oh my goodness that is a brilliant idea I'll be buying them every week when I was when we just got married I struggled with this area because I was very frugal and I would discipline we would have these talks but I would tell my wife you need to cut back on all of that you can't be buying those shoes for my wife it's the shoes you don't need that hat you don't need those nails and like my nails are just fine your nails will be just fine I'm like I can dye it for you I take a marker and paint if we you don't need to pay 50 bucks for their 60 bucks and I realize you know what the divorces are more expensive be nice be generous woman feels and a lot of times as guys we do that when we date them we broke like a joke but we find those 20 dollars or something and we spoil them and then when we get married we become like Dave Ramsey becomes so screw GLE we become so like you can't do this no no no you can do this we need to save it's interesting how you you want her hard because you were generous with her never stop being generous with your wife be stingy with yourself but always be generous with your spouse that's how she feels secure it's not about the money it's not about the shoes it's not about the purses it's about that she sees it's a sacrifice she sees Jesus in you blood is gushing out of your hands out of your side because you're giving your last thing for her enjoyment but this is how she feels loved hallelujah my god number two is non-sexual affection and this is a physical affection that you render to your wife that it's a physical touch all the women they need physical touch I'm not talking about punching I'm not talking about pushing I'm not talking about pinching and I'm not talking about giving her that bear hug where she's gonna die like like you do it and you know on a football field on a basketball court or you do it with your buddies I'm talking about that gentle that non-sexual and I'm not talking about there has to leap to something he has to lead through absolutely nothing amen when I heard that first time another I started to apply that I forget to do it apply that but I've been really just reminding myself and what I like to do it is that when my wife is like in the kitchen she's doing something or someone else to come up just from behind her give her just a really tender hug from the back kiss her and the cheek we're just about five six seconds and then just walk away that woman cannot stop thinking about what just happened for next four hours husband's tried that no longer than five seconds because if you do longer you might say stuff that's wrong and stuff somebody features just quickly and just just walk away she's like what was that for like well that's up to you to figure out it's because I they are more I love you [Music] guys tried that today you never know what that my lead number-three honest communication and every woman wants she's like this CIA interrogated person she wants details the problem as guys is we give headlines I met with Bob how was it great but in a woman that they want details and so what we encourage for us as men is to try to go into details where did you meet Bob did you come on time did he came on time did you get water without ice or was it with ice what did you order out of that menu who paid for that meal what did Bob talk about did you guys talk about me what did you feel about when bob said that to you at least five minutes going into specially you start talking about feelings the next thing you know a woman if she feels that she's a part of the life with you when you don't just give her the headlines but we give the details because it draws her in and a lot of men what we do is were like well I don't feel like talking was what would happen if she would react to sex the way you react to talking the reason why many women are not sexual to other husbands is because their husbands are not communicative toward their wives it doesn't come naturally for women to be more sexual they're they're more reserved in this area the same way it doesn't come naturally for men to be very expressive in their talk and therefore we have to take a leap of faith and the wives have to also take a leap of faith can somebody say Amen and number four is the the wives they want their husbands to be leaders at home that does not mean that you have to be a pastor a title of a pastor it means that you have to lead her that means you have to lead the family that means that you might not even manage the the finances you might even make less money than your wife it doesn't matter but that in the home you are the leader you the one that that knows who you are in Christ and you don't have to know every scripture in the Bible to be a leader in your home you just have to love Jesus with all your heart the way you love Jesus that's enough and followed and lead them and they will follow you if somebody say man now I want us to jump in quickly into this four secrets that I want us to go in from the Word of God that will make our marriage is better now all the single people I just asked you that you write notes you will need this trust me and all the married people I ask you that you focus on few things from this message today that you can apply to improve your marriage you can't do everything but if you can do one thing it can make an improvement in your marriage the first one is marriage is like a triangle if two people get closer to God they get closer to each other the Bible says seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will be added to you when we begin to like in the triangle when you see husband and wife when they're just focused on each other they can actually make an idol out of their marriage but if they focus on God they actually begin to come closer to each other God will never push you away from your spouse every man in this room and every woman at the sound of my voice I can tell you one thing God is for your marriage and if you get closer you'll actually draw you closer to your spouse women you want your husband to love God more than you why because then he love you in spite of you husbands it's better that your wife loves God more than you because this she'll be able to love you in spite of you and trust me we will need that are you with me your commitment to God supposed to be better than your commitment to each other because you love God before you loved each other and God loves you before you even knew each other and you are going to continue to live forever even after you will die therefore your commitment to God always has to be higher and better and greater their marriage is throughout the history of Christianity where sometimes couples were separated from each other for decades sometimes the wife or the husband will say if you love Jesus I'm gonna leave you and they still had to be loyal more to Jesus than to the relationship Jesus will take care of that relationship but you have to put Jesus above your relationship come on somebody I want to also give a word of advice to those who have spouses that are passive maybe you have you're married to someone who's not as passionate for God as you are maybe they don't want to go to church maybe you dragged that man today to church with you or maybe you dragged that woman today or maybe they didn't comment and you constantly use other techniques to make them become Christians I want to share something from the Word of God that I believe can bring freedom to those relationships I want you to see what apostle peter said to people who are going through that right now he said this wives likewise it's interesting because it's typically men are the ones that are a little bit slower after God right I mean we saw in baptism today you know women getting baptized even though women like more sensitive to things of God we as husband would little bit slow little bit slow so it was not only like now it was like that 2,000 years ago so Peter is riding two wives who are passionate for God and somehow their husbands are little bit slower in this area he says wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some some do not obey the word mm-hmm they without a word maybe one by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear it's not you putting fear in him by threatening him it's you having the fear and reverence of God and having reverence toward your spouse who is not a believer I want us to go back to the the first part of this verse Peter is giving us a secret he says if you want your husband to be one to your way stop talking he said without a word one of the things that drives men and women away from God is when one spouse gets on fire for God and can't shut up you would say but the Lord says to evangelize everywhere except your home because your home you already evangelized they're tired of you every time you say something more about God there's a turn-off to them and Peter knew that so Peter is saying this he says guys if you are at home they already know you're Christian he says why don't you talk less and loved him more how can I love him he doesn't go to church that's the point don't treat him based on where he's at treat him based on where you want him to be and God says come on somebody oh Jesus and God says in the second part of this verse he says that you will win him not because you brought a coolest argument but because you love him in spite of the fact that he doesn't come to church he doesn't read the Bible maybe he does it or she doesn't pray guys flowers trees don't grow because you pool them they grow because you water them stop pooling your husband stop pooling your wife God doesn't call you to change them God calls you to love them and many times we disobey what this says and we're there we're trying to preach and convict and be the holy ghost that's not gonna work the best thing you can do is do what God called water them and see how slowly that tree begins to block how those flowers begin to blossom how that person begins to rise hallelujah my god when we were married me and my wife she's not from here she's from Vancouver Washington and her parents are pastors and so she grew up in ministry and when she moved here there was a generational curse on her life the generational curse of loneliness it was activated the moment she got married everything seems to be fine as though it was laid dormant and one of the things that this generational curse was doing is that my wife fell extreme little alone and lonely here in our church and so and she couldn't connect even to God she was on fire for God but the moment she moved here she became almost like paralyzed a lot of times spiritually she was struggle so what had happened is that I started to spiritually kind of you know become more passive I started to skip on my prayer time because she was a night owl and I was like the morning person so I stopped you know kind of seeking God as I used to and now I would blame it on her because I'm like well it's because you don't wake up early with me and everything I was letting her passivity affect my passion for God which was her first mistake the second mistake that I was making is that I was blaming her all the time and still listen woman come on you got to get your act together we're pastors you gotta be passionate for God you gotta be in it we gotta be an example we have this we have this you know reputation that we gotta uphold and my wife she has this like this very tenacious personality she doesn't care about the image she focuses more on being real you know she doesn't know the polyp of the politics of the church the you know as a wife you have to act a certain way and when we had prayers at the time in our church as a church was a lot smaller about eight years ago seven years ago and so the prayers were just mainly made up of most of our relatives and and few new people that would come there you know and it's just like 15 of us in the room like praying to heaven down speaking in tongues walking around I mean Holy Ghost power whether you felt it or not you you gotta be loud hippie Pentecostal come on somebody take it Jesus my wife would come there you know and she would behave like Lot's wife she would just stand there you know and as a husband who's passionate for God whose reputation is a stake you know she's not praying and I'm like we service will be over I say hey babe what's up why aren't you praying we gotta pray to make it through the day and she ever said we're gonna pray she says oh just didn't feel it what I mean you didn't feel it I'm like you know what you're a believer in Christ you know it's not about our feelings the righteous men shall live by faith and so I'm starting like you know giving my wife a pastoral counseling she starts crying I remember one time in the driveway and I do please I want to go back home I was like we just arrived back home she's taken out this whole my other home i ii mean vancouver she's like yeah she's like i I don't belong here as a woman get your act together you promise you will be with me what this going on with you and I did a little bit more of you know those exhortations I was just speaking life into her situation the more life I spoke the more life was in her I mean the less life was in her I'm sorry it was more life in me letting less less less life in her and one particular time the Lord start dealing with my heart and he serve lad I want you to forget about changing your wife in your image and likeness it's a pretend in your mind how would you live with the wife who's an atheist and I said well of course I would not try to push Christianity on her he said why are you doing it on your wife he said give her some space stop bugging her for not showing up to morning prayer take responsibility did you show up on your morning prayer first he's like you're not even showing up there you just change your approach and love her stop monitoring her Bible reading plan are you reading a Bible have you read the Bible yesterday what did you reach out to me just stop doing that he said to read your Bible by yourself but but couples that pray together stay together he's a relax you play by yourself first and honestly within a few years I started to notice first of all I became more patient when I would look I'll go to prayer and she's sleeping I would come back instead of saying I already talked to God Michael Gabriel angel already visited me what what what demons are tormenting you right now and holding you back I would come and I would kiss as a babe is so good to see you she said it's like you went to friends like oh yeah it was wonderful we would eat breakfast together and I would see that my passion for the Lord started to you know when you're when you set up a fireplace in your house the fireplace doesn't have to preach the heat comes automatically it warms you up [Applause] husband-wife you're the fireplace in that house in that house you can warm them up but some of you you like a tormentor you constantly bug that deleting lights out of the other person will relax let the Lord change you loved him you honor them can somebody say man somebody say Amen hallelujah number two catch the foxes so not only we have to draw closer to God and not punish the other person but we have to learn to catch the foxes this is the principle from Song of Solomon if we go to Song of Solomon chapter 2 verse 15 it says the following catch us the foxes the little foxes that spoil Divine's for our vines have tender grapes this author of Song of Solomon says that the vineyard that they had had tender grapes every marriage that begins in the first ten years has standard grapes every marriage within 20 years has standard graves within 30 years it has standard grapes actually until you die your marriage is very tender and the devil sends foxes within your vineyard these foxes are thoughts in the mind of a man and a woman especially when things are not good in the marriage when things are not good in the health or things are not good with kids or things are not good it with the job and these are the thoughts that go in man I should have married someone else maybe I made a mistake you know I'm only 35 if I get rid of this loser I'm I still find someone else I still got some time what am I doing with this person a devil sends these foxes in our vain yards you know what I did not marry God's best for me I married I married I met him in the club maybe I need to get rid of them an excellent man find somebody in church maybe I'll find somebody better because I know that the beginning of our relationship wasn't right we we we lost we lost the purity before we get married maybe that's why this is happening and so and you begin to allow foxes to travel in your vineyard the foxes are thoughts of condemnation shame and thoughts that your marriage will not make it a thought that your spouse they're not good and these foxes they can actually turn your vineyard into World War 3 remember this you can't win in your marriage if your marriage lost in your mind your marriage has to be clean in your mind that means if the devil sends a thought that you made a mistake it's a listen devil you made a mistake you're talking to the wrong person you take that lie and go back to Hell where you came from you don't let the devil send those thoughts into your marriage maybe the devil says you know what you could have married someone else and been happier saying you know what devil shut up this is the best person that God has for me and I'm gonna be with them and we're gonna have a great marriage and just because we're going through the valley right now we're gonna come out of it and things are gonna get better you got to fight those foxes let me give you something practical one is that do not vocalize the negative thoughts you have against your spouse those thoughts are from the devil they're not from God and those thoughts are not from you because the devil is an expert at planting thoughts in your mind and making them feel like they are your own thoughts so they will take root and once they take root they become a stronghold and you become resentful and you become bitter because you entertain thoughts against your spouse and one of the ways we release those thoughts into action is when we become honest and we begin to tell our spouse oh hey you know I've been thinking I made a mistake marrying you I'm just I'm just unburdening myself that's all if you ever say that to your spouse they can put a bullet right between your eyes those things you don't tell to your spouse you go to prayer you say Lord these are not my thoughts these are from the enemy the enemy's shot a fiery dart and I'm not gonna be shooting it at my wife see how if she can help me with that stuff you don't do that you just come towards the Lord I have eject oh stars these are not mine these are not yours you have a plan for me plans for good and not for evil to give me hope and future and God you place me with this person and I see the best I'm gonna believe for the best and I'll reject those lies I won't let him take root in my mind don't vocalize everything the devil tempts you with Jesus did not repeat what the devil sent him he says it is written and you got to come back those lies in Jesus name come on somebody another very important thing is that we gotta burn bridges to our past a lot of times before you are with the person that you are with today you've been with some other people and many people they love to keep the phone numbers of those people on their phones keep them as friends on Facebook just in case marriage goes difficult you begin to reach out to them say hey how are you God wants you to burn the bridge to every ex that you had that's why their ex there's no path that's there and when your marriage is difficult you're not running back on that bridge that bridge has to burn inside of your mind it's gone it's gone it's over come on somebody you know there was one Emperor and he was trying to attack a city he brought his army but his army was so exhausted because they fought so many wars and the enemy that they were up against was so much better equipped and they were they were they were four in the fortified place and his this general knew there's no way his enemy his his army will win against the enemy but he didn't want to lose and he knew that their problem is the fact is they still think they can run because they had ships in the morning he took his generals he went to the he went to the seashore they burned all the ships he got up in the morning he looked in the eyes of his army and he said guys we're all gonna die today you just choose we're in here or drowning and that army because it had no plan B because I had no bridge to run it had no oh well if this doesn't work I'm gonna go there because they had this not none of that stuff they won that bad I wonder how many of our marriages will succeed if we will not treat them as temporary if your marriage is permanent in your mind the problems are temporary if your marriage is permanent in your mind problems are temporary our problems are permanent let me let me say it again if your marriage in your mind is permanent all the problems are temporary if in your mind your marriage is temporary all the problems are permanent the problems you're having with this spouse you will have with the next one you will have with the other one and you will have with the other one because you make your problems permanent when you make your marriage temporary and God wants us mentally to make our marriage a permanent marriage and another thing that I want to share when it relates to this to winning in marriage in your mind is we need to bleep out and delete the word divorce when we argue a lot of times people don't mean when they say I'll divorce you what they mean is this they want to threaten the other person they want the other person to wake up to the seriousness of the problem they're having especially women you know sometimes when you're hurting and you feel like that that Joker is not paying attention to you it being sarcastic and so you want to increase the heat and so the way you increase the heat you know some people they go off and they start using very colorful words other people just simply you know what all right if you want to be like that I'm gonna give you doors paper tomorrow now you don't mean it you just want the Joker to wake up I just wanted to like to realize how serious this is that you you're very very serious but when you release the word divorce you actually open the door to a demon and to the devil the Bible says the power of life and death is in your tongue you may say but what if like I'm like very very intense like and he's not listening threatened him with murder I'm just carrying do not I think he heard the story Billy Graham's wife they asked Billy Graham's wife have you ever thought about divorcing Billy Graham she said never but divorce but murder many times um I'm not in any way suggesting you should threaten your spouse with anything at all but the point is when you are suffering and you are in conflict and they're not paying attention throwing word divorce around it might be a joke to you I'm gonna leave you you might be joking you have no idea what you're doing God created this world with his words you can destroy yours with your own words don't destroy your marriage with your words when I hear couples argue and the throwing word divorce or ask couples that divorced how many times they used word divorce in an argument and every couple that divorce will tell you all the time it's a matter of time you will have what you confess because you possess through your confession you believe with your heart that Jesus is Lord confess it with your mouth you receive salvation how do you receive divorce you believe it in your mind that your marriage is temporary you confess divorce with your mouth it's a matter of time and you'll have it in your mind marriage is permanent now there are cases where divorce happens and everything I'm not gonna go into that but what I'm talking about right there for the couples that are struggling it's don't don't throw these words around catch the foxes don't exalt and kill him get him out of your vineyard come on somebody thank you Jesus hallelujah ba ba Sundaya number three choose to cheat choose to cheat cheating is very good in marriage now I'm not talking about that cheating that we're thinking right now don't cheat on your marriage with work and hobbies instead cheat on your hobbies and you work with your marriage it doesn't mean that you have to leave early don't do your job we're gonna talk about it in just a second but I want us to take a look at Matthew chapter 15 verse 5 and verse 6 it says so Jesus was talking about how the law says thou shalt honor your father day mother but you say so the Pharisees you say whoever says to his father and mother whatever profit you might have sieved from me is a gift to God and then he no need he then he need not honor his father or mother does you have made a commandment of God of no effect by your tradition so when I was in Israel they kind of notified me that when the Bible says thou shalt honor your father and your mother it's not actually specifically referring to when you are with your parents house and you're young it's mainly referring to a retirement policy or when your parents are old and they need to retire and they cannot work no more that you honor your debt under them by taking them to live with you when they're old now it also applies to being on loading to them when we live with them but it's mainly applied to honoring them when they're old because Israel didn't have retirement homes they actually had children's homes that's why it was so focused on having kids because that means nobody will take care of you when you're dead when you want to excuse me when you're when you're old when you're of age when you of age so the Pharisees were very tricky the Pharisees have taught this that if you take a room of your house that you were planning to give to your mom and daddy when they're older when they'll retire retire the age and you give that room to God and you dedicate it you come in and you said this room belongs to God you call your mom and daddy your mom and dad is like getting older already they've been providing and helping you and now it's your time to take them in and provide and care for them you're like mom and dad I'm sorry I don't have room what do you mean you don't have room you we saw the room I gave it to God God lives there now so Pharisees found a loophole saying if you can give it to God you don't have to house them in and Jesus come in he's you guys are morons cuz you guys are crazy he says God doesn't need a room that belongs to your parents God doesn't like those kind of sacrifices don't give to God with belongs to your family you may say but everything belongs to God certain things out of things that you give to God God wants them to be allowed it to your family you have if you have a family you have a wife you have a husband if you have parents that are older God wants us to give things that women say but I just rather give it to God God says you want to give it to me give it to your family come on somebody are you with me cheating not on your family but cheating on your hobbies cheating sometimes on your friends meaning not spending as much time with your friends as you did when you were single so that you can spend time with your family cheating maybe on your business were you working 12 hours a day or 10 hour shifts just so you can it can get the final that breakthrough while your family is suffering you're gonna cheat the question is where you're gonna cheat at are you gonna cheat on your family or are you gonna cheat on your work because remember when you had an emergency your boss won't be in the hospital it's gonna be the people you cheated on when things get tough it's your family that's gonna care for you god forbid you have an incident or an accident where you cannot work two months and everybody forgets about you and guess who's gonna stand beside you the very people that many times we tend to cheat on and I'm not talking about sexual cheating I'm not talking about unfair I'm talking about when we we've put our family second when we put our our marriage last hobbies first I like with any stemless says he says you love your family in your heart but you don't love them on your schedule they can't see your heart nobody gets at the end of his life and wishes they spend more time in the office and I wish I would have just had one more sales I wish I could have just worked one more weekend so could make extra $100 to spend a new golf clubs my god-dd Jake said this he said I'll never get finished everything I need to get done today I will always miss something every day never let it be the same thing twice so for example if today you sacrificed your family to get something done make sure tomorrow you sacrifice something to be done for your family so don't have the same thing you sacrifice all the time and he said this he said touch everything but hold nothing too long if you hold it to have it you're not hiring the right people 11th President of India scientists he passed away now he said this a person who stays late at office is not a hardworking person instead he's a fool who doesn't know how to manage work within stipulated time he is insufficient and incompetent in his work I wonder how many times the things that we do at our jobs could be done faster if we would cut back the office chatter the use of social media and just kind of cruising around because then by the time that we look we need to leave we've realized we haven't done much so we have to stay later and if you don't stay later you drop the job and very soon you're over they give you a review and they fire you you're like man I've been putting my family but you have not been using your work productively a person who stays late in his office all the time he's not planning he's not competent and we need to improve on that area this is your work and this is your family this is something that if you drop see these things every single week if you notice that you're not worried about this ball but in life is the opposite this is the one that we're most concerned about this one her family can take it they know I'm providing for them this ball if you drop this ball what happens bounces back up you work you'll always have it but when you drop this one I'm not sure if it's gonna handle that now we handle the three skies first you don't marriage they got it so you're like well you know I gave my whole year to my job they're still good my wife look I mean she she's a little bit tense but she's fine and so guess what you're doing you're increasing the speed you look let's do more this is good for is God and so what you're saying I can sacrifice my family this has to break Micah in the first in the first service first time it just broke my sister provided these and she's like glad she's like the the glass thing is not gonna break at all as like trust me it will break and so but but the challenge what we have is that as many times we would play with it and so you know I'm just gonna save you guys from it and this is what when this happens what happened it was just fine why couldn't she handle it what do you mean you mean my kids are doing that stuff now because I was gone all the time see your kids don't need your existence they need your presence how many of you know the fact that God exists it doesn't change us it's the fact that God is present with us that changes us [Music] and many times we as men will look at this and we're like man I was praying for God to make them stronger well why why do we always toss them why we don't toss this nothing's gonna happen to this it's gonna bounce back up you work in your hobbies if you give up golf for a year for the sake of your marriage listen you won't die if some of your single friends and other things and new opportunities and everything you have to prioritize this because once this hits the ground it breaks and just because you trained your wife or you've trained your husband maybe today to take the hits and you do you know they're doing good listen there will be a day but there will be that last drop and they will snap and you can't blame them for it you have to take responsibility as a man and as a woman to keep that ball as most important I'm not saying to not treat your work with importance but a lot of things that we do in a job we can do so much more efficiently and more effectively that we have more time for a families I tell our staff all the time is the guys your mornings belong to God your evenings belong to your family they don't belong to meeting sounds like you're here at the staff at the church for a reason most of the people that you would meet with they can come during the day here I was like let's not spend time chatting work around Duke doing secondary things and then staying up till 11:00 o'clock doing meetings where we could improve our eight-hour day feeling with important things and then go hang out with our family most people know that when it comes to the evenings I prioritize my marriage and prioritize my time with me first of all I have a lot of people who would say Vlada we need to meet we need to meet and it's great but like if I'm gonna take every single meeting and let my health and let my wife and let my relationship with God take the backseat if I'm gonna cheat on my relationship with God stay up late every day if I stay up late there's one thing I have to cheat on Jesus John my John Bevere taught me a lesson when I was a teenager and that's this every minute I spend after 10 o'clock is the minute I took away from Jesus in the morning period and so I made a decision Jesus my time with you start to ten so after ten I gotta hit this head in the pillow why because the next morning I gotta give it to Jesus Jesus is more important to me than anybody else and the second thing is my family and so we have to prioritize they choose to cheat and your habits on your social media and your TV shows and other things so that family your health and your relationship with God doesn't suffer but it's doing good somebody say Amen somebody say hallelujah so practically practically what this means is give 15 minutes a day of meaningful conversation with your spouse and also take one night a week to go on a date with your spouse whether that date is in the park whether the date is you hike amount and you prepare a little sandwiches there whatever there is but it preferably that is not the same routine that it's every day in your house if the routine in your house is the husband is watching the game and you are on your phone around a computer that's not a night with your spouse as a date that's a good night to be together you chillaxing but that's not a time where you are into each other's face you're talking to each other and you're you're having a good time and maybe you don't have a lot of resources right now to go into something and nice or a restaurant that's fine Olive Garden has really large meals and breadsticks are free and meals usually come with salad and salad fills you up you split the meal into two take hot water with lemon but any mint tea with you stick that tea that's how we did it for years me and my wife could not afford to go to when we went on our dates we had a hundred dollars for whole month and so on those dates we would have our envelope for a date nights $20 for a date night now you know with $20 nowadays you can't even buy much so we would go in and for me I mean I was like man great I saw this as a challenge to fit within $20 you know and she wasn't very happy because she liked the food under the images which is usually very expensive because the specials I looked for the price $11 Pizza and all have gotten great they discontinued that by the way now and stuff so like we split that into two we still have $3 a tip we even have maybe $1 to get something they don't have a dollar menu sucks it's McDonald's that has a dollar menu and so we did that for years but one thing that I did not do is I did not break our date nights I was like you know what if we broke we'll date like we broke but we're gonna still date and it gave her a promise and I said babe and one day when we get a little bit more of money you'll be able to order what you want I'll order what I want we'll be so happy I remember she reminded me she said because now she can order what she wants and so we go in and she orders whatever she wants i order typically whatever is cheapest [Laughter] she looks at the images I look at the price when the bill comes in look watch what you order and so but but now we can afford a little bit more but at the same time you got a value those date times come on somebody I like Warren said he said if there will be more courting in our marriage it's less of our marriages we'll be in courts and then once a year take a vacation leave amazing three cities for seven days your wife's been nagging about that probably for awhile you think we can't afford it if you have five rooms in your house rent one room for 250 and in 11 months you will accumulate enough money for that put that money aside when you get a promotion instead of buying a boat why don't you put that money aside and say you know what this extra money will go toward us leaving town going somewhere whether it's in a tent or whether it's to Mexico or whether it's it to Hawaii whatever your budget allows you but will you leave for seven days and you disconnect is it will do magic to your marriage are you with me and lastly is fight like a pro fight like a pro in marriage there's two kinds of fights there's those that are like street fighting with no rules and there is a fighting like a boxer boxer is a pro they don't they don't beam they don't hit under the belt they have a referee the Darren just go swinging anywhere they want to hit the a certain time where they can hit and then they have to stop go to the corner get you know kind of fixed up and go at it again 12 times and after they win the fight they hug the other opponent they don't stab them to death now in street fight what are the rules kill the other guy you look for anything the rock is the weapon of choice you have a knife on you awesome it makes you faster you have a gun man you'll make a quicker and many people fight in their marriage like a street fight there is no rules you can say whatever you can curse you can exaggerate you can do whatever and then they wonder why is the marriage so beaten up because your street fighting there's those who are religious they say will perfect marriage has no fights are you crazy even if you will be married to someone just like you you will still fight marriage is good when people fight but when you fight like a pro not like a street fight so let me just give you a few tips on how to fight like a pro one let's read the verse Ephesians chapter 5 verse 26 it says the following be angry somebody say be come on everybody say be angry some of you that probably that's part with the only verse in the Bible you're fulfilling on daily basis look I did not know the Bible tells me to be angry it doesn't have to tell me that I'm doing that by myself just fine how many you find this verse is very easy to live by thou shalt not lie in the church the Bible says be angry you're like Amen Bible is not against you being angry if God will be against you being angry then God being angry would be God would be a sinner God gets angry anger is a good thing there's nothing wrong with being angry Bible tells you be angry if you see injustice be angry if your spouse keeps leaving those dirty shoes and then dirty socks and underwear be angry if you ask them to fix then clean those dishes be angry but the problem is not with that the problem is it says next thing do not sin do not let the Sun go down in your wrath nor give place to the devil means if we stay angry through the night we give place to the devil by next morning so let me give you a practical tip number one don't go to sleep angry stay up and fight do not ever go to sleep angry stay up and fight now if you're a husband and you love sleep admit you wrong and go to sleep I mentioned that I'm usually right every argument with my wife I'm always right she married mr. right she didn't know my first name was always always right but I'm usually right until 9 o'clock when it comes to 9 p.m. there's a possibility I might be wrong by 9:30 there's a very high chance I might be wrong by 10 o'clock she's 100% right I'm wrong 10:30 this is when you know I'm like I'm already humbled that I am wrong 11:30 I'm like Apostle Peter oh I am such a sinner depart from me Lord when I was when we just got married I wasn't like that I didn't our I remember an argument that I'll never forget because this is the only time I fall asleep when she was still angry we had an argument that started with getting the morning and and I was so like I I didn't love sleep at the time I love to be right more than than anything and so instead of fixing the issue right away I tried to say well it's her fault she needs to apologize first and I'm not gonna apologize why because out of this argument she is responsible for 95% I'm responsible for four five the five should never apologize in front of 95 I know my math so there I am sitting on the couch meaning I'm not talking to her and of course she's not talking to me and so the time comes to about 6 o'clock and I'm thinking no I mean it is three hours it'll take us three hours to fix this maybe I should begin so I come out and I was like you know what I really think that what you did was wrong today which is not a best way to start to finish the argument and so she's not talking I said well great you don't wanna talk I'm not gonna talk either so I turn around on the bed I'm facing the wall and I'm trying to pretend that I'm not breathing not to give her the satisfaction that I'm alive when you're married you will know exactly what I'm talking about and so and I'm not even breathing she's like you're still there no I'm not here look at what you want to talk what is there to talk about that's not to talk about was a great nothing to talk about so neither Clark hits nothing to talk about this deep silence and I accidentally fell asleep with me I can fall asleep with anything and everything so it wasn't hard especially when it's tense I fall asleep faster a woman she cannot usually fall asleep just like that so I fell asleep and then I wake up to somebody hitting me in my ribs Wow knows like what's going on who is here in the house like you loser it's me and so now we're arguing about the fact that I fell asleep we're not arguing about whatever happened in the morning that's not important what's important is how dare you fell asleep you don't love me you don't care about this relationship can we talk about what happened in the morning that doesn't matter now we have a bigger issues at hand you fell asleep that's a woman who's so sorry yeah I was like I was trying to stay awake to wait until you open up you didn't want to talk to me so I fall asleep and so we we fix that I apologize repented of everything I've done thought of doing didn't do everything took the blame for myself for everybody and then she recognized after that that it was a little bit of her fault too just a little bit and so we hug that out we went to sleep next morning when we went on a date coffee date I told her I said I actually did not mean to disrespect you when I fall asleep it's just when you don't talk for two hours I fall asleep and she said I didn't mean to hit you it was just it was really hurting to me that you dare to fall asleep knowing that I can't sleep if I am angry I was like well seem like I handled it just fine you should have just maybe and then I realized no no no no no no and I was like yes yes babe so we made a promise and it's been seven years that if we're angry if we are fighting we don't go to sleep until we finish it now if sometimes sometimes because in marriage there's three problems there's the proactive problems reactive problems and radioactive radioactive it's stuff you can't talk about you won't fix it in one argument it's like heavy stuff and so in the heavy stuff what typically we do is we just bring the stuff to to the minimum where both of us can sleep knowing we still love each other we're not gonna do anything we're not gonna poison and like stab each other during the sleep everything will be fine and next morning will resume when we're better rested and so but you have to not go to sleep angry if both of you go to sleep angry if the other person sleeps on the couch you sleep in the other room and it's always the and your anger you're tense you have to listen to the Bible Bible says do not let Sun go down on your wrath stay up and husbands let me give you just the practical tips on how to dissolve this one how to fight like a pro is approach a woman and touch her no don't push her don't pinch her just gently touch her it's crazy what a touch does to a woman especially when she's now she's one of those you might want to stay away so I'm just gonna gonna share what worked for me and stuff because my wife is the opposite for me like if we were arguing I don't want to touch her cuz imma bite by accident I might like break something and so I don't want to touch her but what she taught me she's like if you could only just come in and just touch me gently on my shoulder and reassure me that everything's gonna be okay and so when you start with that but that means you gotta get control of your stuff when your wife is mad it doesn't mean your horrible husband it just because you got a woman a woman she does her stuff it's completely fine don't take it personally it's not is that because you're a terrible husband just because you have an amazing wife and so but the second thing after that and that's typically with brothers that we struggle with is that we try to be sarcastic when we are fighting now your humor attracted her to you but you typically not that funny you're definitely not funny when you're fighting let me ask you a question would you consider Jim Carrey funny if he would laugh at your mom's funeral and crack jokes would you consider comedian funny if they would come to a funeral of somebody that you loved and crack jokes no you would think they're crazy men when there's a tense moment World War three is about to happen it's not a time to be funny you're not funny you gotta understand that you gotta be sober-minded you gotta be vigilant and you gotta be you gotta put on Burt like like martica in the Bible like put ashes on yourself like come in broken with reverence and I'm not I know I'm being a little bit funny in this right now but you really have to be heartbroken when the woman sees that you're serious when a woman sees that you're like you're understanding the weight of this problem if you understand this is like life-and-death issue and you're approaching this like that it makes you feel like okay I'm not the only one that's hurting he at least understands I am hurting I can I cannot tell you the second one was the hardest thing for me to be delivered from my goodness - sarcasm how many of our fights could have been fixed in five minutes and they had to last five hours because I was such an idiot I loved I'm not funny guy at all it's just when we are getting into an argument I do not stupid and I start cracking things and I think they're funny she looks at me she's like you stupid why don't you stop that he's like you were you would you movie so good like why did you slip from the right path of righteousness and I keep laughing laughing and I know it's wrong but I can't stop it's coming out naturally it's so creative I feel his creative juices like man somebody used to record this this is rhyming I'm losing my wife but I'm gaining the gift of humor flowing through me come on although other wives will admit sarcasm doesn't help right third one is validate her feelings when she's hurt and she's complaining that's good she's sharing her feelings one of the things that we can do as men is that is this instead of come and say you're feeling that cry River build a bridge get over it you can't come in and say well oh I know why you told me that the monthly cycle thing messed up with your chemicals and stuff like emotionally not stable that's that's why that's why I know you're mad it's because you have a period in three days everything will be fine anytime you blame women's feelings on her monthly or if you're super spiritual like I've really been sensing this this spirit over you a spirit of like this anger jetspeed of judge jealousy I got it jealousy I see you're jealous over other women and I really think we need to deal with that right now you want me to lead you in a prayer over announcing can I sign you up for inner healing in our church you really you really need to go to prayer Allah anytime you shame her with her feelings even if it's demon behind it even if it's a monthly period even if it's a generational curse stop being a counselor and a deliverer and a direct Prince in your marriage you validate those feelings something like this so you feel like I've been ignoring you really sorry about that I'm really sorry that you feel like that now don't let me to anything yet don't sign up for anything I'm really sorry that you're feeling like that you're not saying what she's feeling is right you're just saying that you're sorry that she's feeling that if right away causes the woman to feel loved and appreciated you're hearing her and then this is the magic comes in ask the Lord for wisdom define your one percent of the fault of why she's feeling that you're not responsible for more than that just 1% remember she's responsible for 99 are you responsible for one percent of the fault like that one that you didn't respond to the text message like the one where you didn't Brian roses you didn't say I love you in the last four days you didn't kiss her you didn't hug her you didn't spend time you were always so busy all of that it's so not important at all but you find that 1% that you are guilty of and you focus on that 1% and you exaggerate that 1% and you said how bad it was and you will never do it again and next thing that happens she will run to you give you a hug and says I knew I made a good choice that I married you everything is over amen takes a lot of grace to do that takes a lot of Jesus to do that takes a lot of Holy Spirit to daughter amen because we insist on being right never use word never and always in an argument word always and never belongs to God not to your husband and not to your spouse God never leaves us and he's always with us you always on your phone not really if he has not been on his phone one time in seven years of your marriage the word always is not proper English for that situation you never picking up after yourself actually if he picked it up once in the whole marriage that word never cannot be applied to him but when we say never and always we actually exaggerate the drama we have to stop exaggerating and become real another thing don't bring somebody's past into the present situation when you fighting if they were unfaithful to you you've talked it over you have no right to bring that in a present argument I know that you don't have enough ammunition to shoot him so what you do is you borrow from the past the problem is any time you make trips to the past you're not moving forward now if something bothers you about their past you talk about it after this is over but you don't talk about it in an argument because you just brought a nuclear weapon play a boxing match you're gonna kill somebody with it somebody's gonna suffer through that are you a thank you for watching this content I hope this was a blessing to you if you're like me and you like to click on things click on this subscribe to our channel and the content will come to you every time we post it and remember the best is yet to come

Channel: HungryGeneration

Views: 76,502

Rating: 4.9108119 out of 5

Keywords: healing miracles supernatural today, pastor vlad hungrygen, hungry generation, hungry gen, vladimir savchuk, love, lust, wedding, marriage, relationship goals, tips for dating, how to win a girl, how to win a guy, goals, break free book

Id: omLDan-CnA8

Length: 66min 0sec (3960 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 18 2018